Original subtitles

Henry.

Come on.

Goodbye. - 'Bye.

See you tonight. - Try to come home early, okay?

Maybe I'll come home for lunch.

Take it easy. - Okay.

$32.79.

How do you put $32.79 into one bag?

Nobody is forcing you to eat, madam.

I know. Every time I try to stop, I get withdrawal pains.

Come on, let's go. Before they raise the prices again.

I'm $1.80 short.

So, put something back.

Put back the pot roast.

That is our dinner tonight.

What's the matter with neck bones? They're only 58 cents a pound.

People are coming to dinner. Can I give them a pot roast'?

Don't get snitty. Keep the pot roast if you're trying to impress someone.

I was only trying to be helpful.

Do these women appreciate that? They bitch and get snotty.

Here.

And here.

You take the Froot Loops. You'll love them.

I've asked you a dozen times...

...if I write a check and I'm overdrawn a few dollars, call me.

Or take it out of our savings and put it in our checking to cover it.

We have over $300 in our savings account.

You're 62 cents over.

That's what I said, 'over.' You bounced my check. It's embarrassing.

With only $300.62 in your account...

...should you be eating pot roast'?

My husband's brother and his wife are coming to dinner.

What's it to you if I make a pot roast'?

Fiscally speaking, you're eating over your head.

I don't think a pot roast puts us in the jet set.

You call yourself 'the bank that cares.' I doubt that.

If you don't think we care, we don't want your business.

We can close out your account. - Wait. I didn't say that.

It's our fault.

We give away calendars, piggy banks, pen and pencil sets, and...

You're right, you've spoiled us.

It's your word against our computer.

We did not make a phone call to Yugoslavia.

We have never been to Yugoslavia. We do not know anyone in Yugoslavia.

Even if we did know someone there, we wouldn't spend $12 to call him.

Our computer says you did. - Your computer is a liar.

That little remark goes right into your file card...

...which goes into our computer.

That computer is not God. It makes mistakes, and I will not pay...

...for a phone call I didn't make. I don't have the money.

Strange, you won't pay us, but you have money for a pot roast.

You caught me.

That's what we do. We sit around eating pot roast and calling Yugoslavia.

Why don't you stick that in your computer and see what it says.

Who is it? - It's me. The colored woman.

That's terrible to call yourself 'the colored woman.'

That's what I am. The colored woman...

...who cleans for the white woman...

...who's too lazy to clean up for herself.

I clean so Mrs. White Folk won't chip any nail polish off her lily-white hands.

Mrs. White Folk hasn't had time to put nail polish on her lily-white hands.

She's been too busy running her lily-white ass off.

I cleaned the living room and bedroom.

All you have to do is the kitchen and the bathroom.

They always leave the worst for us.

I'm going to be working,

so close the door when you run the vacuum.

Run the vacuum? In the kitchen? In the bathroom?

Now you know they gotta be scrubbed.

Lord God, they never let up on us.

Thank you.

I hope you have better cookies than last week.

I'm going to work, Loretta.

You gonna type or you gonna sell? - I'm gonna sell.

Mrs. Louis Guttry?

This is Henrietta Robbins. I represent Hytone Plastic Products.

Are you tired of going into the same old bathroom every day?

Five, six, one, zero.

Mrs. Stephen Gutweiler?

I'm Henrietta Robbins. I represent Hytone Plastic Products.

Are you tired of going into the same old bathroom every day?

You are?

There's a lot you can do about it, Mrs. Gutweiler.

You can give it a fresh look...

...color engineered for you. You can have the bathroom of tomorrow.

Of course, you'll be alive tomorrow.

63 is young. I wish I were 63 again.

Me'? 71 next month. The only way I keep going is people like you buying from me.

No. We have a wastepaper basket...

...soap dish, towel rack, rope hook and toilet-tissue holder.

At any store, it would cost you $9.99. From us, $6.66.

Listen to these colours: Peachy pink, parrot green or Las Vegas gold.

Think how it'll liven up the bathroom for you and Mr. Gutweiler.

That's too bad.

But a widow, in particular, needs to brighten up her bathroom.

You never can tell when another Mr. Right is going to walk in.

You'll have it in the mail in a week.

I could tell by your voice you were peachy pink, Mrs. Gutweiler.

Okay. Use it in good health.'Bye.

Child, you could sell Confederate flags in Harlem.

Loretta, will you knock it off? You just ate up my commission.

All right, who is it?

Bernie.

Okay.

Hi, Bernie. - Mrs. Robbins, I got good news for you.

What? - They ain't gonna paint your apartment.

That's the good news'?

The landlord wanted a list of everyone who wanted their apartment painted...

...so he could raise their rent.

I didn't turn you in.

Bernie.

Loretta.

Hello.

Who?

Hold on a minute. It's for you.

I told them I'd be up here.

Hello.

$20 to win on Royal Prince in the seventh.

$20 to win on High Flyer in the ninth...

...and $10 win parlay.

You're booking horses on my phone'?

It's nothing to worry about. - What about the police?

Who did you think that was?

Well, isn't life something else?

Who'd have thought in this kitchen of apartment 6A, we'd find a Mona Lisa?

Forget the honey and give me the money. You owe me $28.

I'm going to parlay this into some heavy money...

...and go to one of those high-class beauty farms and just graze.

Look, you're already beautiful. I got a better idea.

Why don't you just save your money and marry me?

What, are you gambling on my time? - Excuse me.

It hurts them to see us rest our bones for a minute.

Why don't you see about getting those old bones in a standing position?

Crack that whip, tote that bale.

And they wonder why we become militants.

I have to go do laundry, then I have a date with the insurance company.

So, if anyone calls... - I don't answer phones. That's extra.

Why is it extra to answer phones?

We got to stop you somewhere.

You come one day a week for four hours. You get $2.75 an hour...

...carfare and all the cookies you can eat. That is over $11. Pay me that...

...and I will come eat your cookies and clean your apartment.

I can't use you.

I already got a Puerto Rican.

We put this claim in three months ago.

We've paid premiums promptly for three years.

So how come you can't pay us on time?

They took your husband's watch?

That's right.

And you put a value on it of...

...$165.

That's what it cost. I'm still paying the installments.

Your husband drives a taxi.

Isn't that an expensive item for a...

...cab driver?

It was his birthday present.

If you insist, we'll pay.

But we will have to cancel your policy.

Cancel it? For what, putting in a claim?

Just think about it.

You may be robbed again...

...and you won't have any insurance.

What's the use of having insurance if you can't collect?

Peace of mind.

Honey, I'm home.

Henry?

Hi, honey.

Hi, babe.

Did you have a good day? - Pretty good.

Good. - Yourself?

Not bad. Are you going to change?

I'm trying to straighten my hair, and you're curling it.

I can't tell you how good that feels after holding a steering wheel all day.

I thought about you. - Did you?

Isn't that dangerous while you're driving? - You're worth it.

What's that lovely smell?

Pot roast. - On your throat?

Fred and Helen are coming to dinner. Remember'?

I forgot.

Why do we have to'?

Because Fred is your brother... - He comes to dinner once a year.

Twice. - Twice a year to make us miserable.

That's the rule.

My dress.

My dress.

We'll never be ready on time.

They're on their way over, you know.

And they're always early.

I guess you're right.

Stop agreeing with me.

Is that a new coat, Helen'?

Another one.

Styles change.

Not that often.

It looks great. Are you sure you don't want me to hang it up?

I'm still a little chilled. What's keeping Henrietta?

She's making up the bed.

What? At 7:30?

It's not 7:30 yet. You guys were early.

So what? At 7:00, 7:30 she's making up the bed?

Fred.

Right after work?

You must be on special vitamins.

Find out what kind.

Hi. - Hi, Henrietta.

Hi, Fred. Hi, Helen. Nice to see you.

Let me look at you.

You're wearing my favourite dress. I never get tired of seeing it.

Thanks, Helen.

Pete, you didn't take her coat? - It's new.

Like it?

It's very furry.

Well, what's it going to be? Beer or wine?

Wine. - I'll get it.

The color's screwed up on the TV again. What do you think it is?

Pete, I'm hardly in the house, and already you're asking me for favors?

It's not a favour. I bought the set from you.

He gave it to you wholesale.

Besides, how would I know what's wrong'?

Do you ask a doctor what's wrong before he makes an examination?

What's with the doctor bit?

You're not a doctor. You sell TV sets.

Sells TV sets? He's President...

...of Four Boroughs Brotherhood of TV Dealers.

Why do you insist on belittling your older brother?

Pete loves his brother, Helen.

And to a TV set, darling...

...Fred is like a doctor.

I fixed your favourite dish, Fred.

I hope it's not pot roast. It made Fred terribly sick the last time we were here.

I told you not to mention it.

It's not her fault. Unless you go to a first-class market...

...you don't know what kind of meat you'll get.

Henry only buys the best.

I wasn't that sick.

Just in case, I've got some Digel.

Too expensive with that overtime.

You're right, Fred.

Taxes, high cost of living. There's no way the average guy can come out ahead.

It all depends on the wife, and how well she can manage money.

Need any help, Henrietta?

No thanks, Helen.

Manage money? How do you manage something you don't have'?

The man shouldn't have to worry.

It's up to the wife to live within her husband's means.

Are you all right, dear'?

Yes, I'm all right.

It was a free dish from Plaid Stamps. It's within our means.

I don't know how Henry does it.

She pays one bill and owes another.

She keeps it together by juggling 20 bills simultaneously.

It's like Helen says. You got married too young, and she's right.

You should've gone back to college after the Army and finished school.

You wouldn't be driving a cab today.

I have gone back.

Three nights a week'? It'll take years to finish.

But he will finish.

Well, it's a good thing Mama didn't live to see you majoring in fertilizer.

Landscape Architecture. - Fred knows.

No, Pete, I don't know.

It just seems to me you should have gone back full time right away.

Sometimes the biggest favour a woman can do...

...is not force a man into an early marriage.

I did not force him.

I wanted to.

Men are so naive. It's the woman who makes the decision.

I did not force Pete to get married.

What does it matter now?

The damage is done. - Come on. That's pretty rough.

She's right. You're struggling.

I did not force him. - Will you stop worrying about it?

We're doing fine. - Aren't we all touchy?

Helen, you are such a bitch. - Honey.

Please, I'm getting a sour stomach.

I think we should go home.

I have had along, frustrating day.

I tried. I really tried to pull it all together and make it a pleasant evening.

But I am not about to stand here and take this crap from you.

Your trouble is you're jealous.

I'm jealous. Of what am I jealous? What'?

That Fred has a little money and can give me nice things?

He should give you electrolysis so the TV Dealers...

...won't think old Fred is shacked up with a fat-assed bear.

'Fat-assed'?

Henry.

Darling?

We'll have to try this again soon.

I meant every word I said, you know.

I just didn't mean to say it in exactly those words.

Should I send her a note?

I don't know. How do you address a bear with a fat ass'?

She ate $6 worth of my pot roast and said I couldn't manage money.

Go figure people.

Sorry I blew it, Pete.

She just got to me.

Did I push you into marriage'?

As I remember it, there was a lot of mutual pushing going on.

Maybe I should go back to work full time.

You'll be able to stop hacking and finish your credits.

Not a chance, kid.

I can take your help, but I couldn't stand you supporting me.

I'm not mature enough.

Chauvinist.

You're right. Babe'?

Come here.

Want me to do your back'?

A regular job'?

You'll take care of cooking, shopping and cleaning?

I can do it. It's just a matter of pacing yourself.

When would you have time for me?

What are you doing'?

In the water? - Why not'? Man comes from the sea.

You know Nick at the garage'?

No.

The dispatcher. You know what he told me today?

No.

Remember that wheat deal America made with Russia?

No.

Would you believe he made a bundle on that?

No.

Are you listening?

No, I just meant, if he made a bundle on it, how come he's still at the garage'?

He likes it.

He says Russia's had a really bad winter...

...and they're short of meat.

Who says? - Nick.

The dispatcher?

Yes.

Why did our Secretary of Agriculture go to Moscow'?

I never even knew he left. - To make a deal.

Nick's cousin works in the State Department.

He says, they'll make a deal in the next few days.

A big deal in pork bellies.

In what?

Pork bellies.

Pork bellies?

That's right. - The bellies of pork?

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, not to mention disgusting.

Well, Nick's putting $3,000 into pork-belly futures.

Pork bellies have a future?

Listen, dummy.

It's called the futures market.

You bet the price of what you're buying: Silver, sugar, wheat. Pork bellies...

...will be higher in July than they are now.

$3,000 for pork bellies...

...in July? Can you imagine what happens to pork bellies in July?

All you need is 10 percent down.

$3,000 is like having $30,000 working for you.

If they don't make a deal, you lose the $3,000..

...which you never had. Even I can figure that out.

But they're going to make the deal. Nick says so, and Nick's never wrong.

Pork bellies could triple.

Nick will be up to his ass in pork bellies.

Come to bed. Come on.

$3,000.

In a couple of years...

...I could finish my degree.

I'd only be in my 30s. A man in his 30s is still young.

$3,000 and I could make it.

Pete.

Pete, wake up.

Wake up, I gotta tell you something.

What time is it?

It's about 3:00.

Why do I have to get up? - Listen, I've just had this fantastic dream.

Wanna hear it? - Tell me at breakfast.

No, I gotta tell you now. It's fantastic. It's wild. Listen to this.

We were having dinner in this fancy restaurant, really fancy.

We were dressed formally. I was wearing this gorgeous gown, cut on the bias.

There were men standing around playing violins.

Guess what we were having for dinner?

Guess, guess. Pork bellies.

And they were so delicious. Yum-yum.

Really.

Don't you think it's kind of an omen?

It's kind of an omen, isn't it? Dreaming about pork bellies.

I think it's something we should invest...

We should think seriously about making an investment.

With what?

Where do we get $3,000?

I got connections.

I know people with millions.

I think we're about to hear a discouraging word.

$3,000.

That's a lot of money to invest in people like you.

Just for a week. Two at the very outside.

You're 32'?

He's a very young 32.

Very unstable age.

Do you have any idea how many men around 30...

...commit suicide when they're turned down for a loan?

And you're a cab driver.

What's wrong with that?

Cab drivers are a bad risk.

You can go out tomorrow and be mugged or killed.

Where does that leave us?

Do you know how difficult the courts have made it to collect from widows?

I'm not dead yet.

We can't take that chance.

I think it's a great idea. Ask him, come on.

No.

Why not'? He's rich.

He's rich, and he's your brother. He's a jerk, but...

...he says he's your brother. I got to accept it.

Why shouldn't you ask your rich jerk brother to loan you $3,000?

Because he has a reverence for money. He respects it.

People like Fred do not lend money.

If you don't want to ask him, Pete, I am going to.

While you're at it, why don't you ask the bear?

She would do anything for you.

I will crawl. I will apologise. I will whimper. Anything.

Come on.

Sweetheart, come here.

'Sweetheart'?

Helen does not like you. - What?

Even old Fred finds it difficult to like you.

Gosh.

Then what's there to lose?

Come on, ask him.

Listen, if you ask old Fred, I'll climb in the cage with the bear.

Okay?

You know something? You're crazy.

Come on.

Certainly I accept your apologies, dear. You're married to Fred's brother.

Family is family.

Pete really needs the money, Helen.

But money is money.

Actually...

...there's one thing that would do you more good than money.

What's that? - Some really honest advice.

But you're young, headstrong.

I can't expect you to listen.

I want your advice. Please, give me advice.

I really want your advice.

You live over your head, Henrietta.

You live over your head.

I know it, and I just hate myself for it.

Pork bellies?

The commodity market?

Pete, it's a crap game. You must be crazy.

But I've got inside information.

You can't afford inside information.

If the bank turned you down...

...and the loan company...

...why should I give you the money?

Because you're my brother.

Helen said you'd use that kind of pressure.

And now you want to waste $3,000 on some crazy scheme.

It's mad.

It's not mad, Helen.

And it's not for me. It's for Pete.

He's entitled. Give him a chance, just one chance.

Not with our money, Henrietta.

What do you want me to do, beg?

You might try that, dear.

Okay, Helen.

I'm begging.

Please tell Fred to lend his brother the money.

Please.

You and Pete wanted to dance.

Now it's time to pay the fiddler.

Pay the fiddler for what? For getting married and loving each other?

You made your bed, now lie in it.

You're not bugged because we're lying in it. You're bugged by what we're doing in it.

Hello?

This is your cousin Henrietta Robbins from Brooklyn.

My mother was married to your uncle on your father's side.

Yeah.

Everyone says you're doing well in Dallas...

...and I just called to wish you continued success.

We're all so proud of you. Really, it's thrilling.

Well, to me it's thrilling. You're thrilling.

I've never done anything.

It's my husband who's really something. He's always in the centre of things.

He recently came across a wonderful business opportunity in pork bellies.

And we... Pork bellies.

He drives a cab. His friend, the dispatcher, knows why...

...our Secretary of Agriculture is in Moscow.

The Russians want to get their hands on all our meat.

This is Henrietta Robbins, your cousin.

If you could just lend us $3,000 for one week...

Hello?

Do I know anyone with $3,000? Sure, but you ought not to mess with them.

It's just for a week. I'll pay them back.

But you... - I need the money.

Please. Think. - $3,000. I don't know.

I'm thinking. - Who, where? What can I do'?

There is a guy. - What?

I'll tell you. Don't rush. - Let's go see him.

I'll get my coat. You wait here. - Okay.

Don't go away. I'll be back. - I won't. I'll stay here.

21...

...22...

...23...

...24...

...25...

...26...

...27...

...28...

...29...

...30.

'That's $3,000.'

...at 20 percent interest. - I really do appreciate this.

At the end of the week, you'll owe us $3,600.

That's okay.

Listen to the man. He means it.

Well, that's okay. $3,600.

My husband's going to make much more than that.

Do you want me to sign anything?

That won't be necessary, Mrs. Robbins.

We know where you are.

Okay.

Terrific. Thank you very much.

Bernie.

We got it. Where should we put it?

If you don't pay it back, it'll be over. - We'll pay it.

Honey, I'm home.

Hi.

You look nice. - Thank you.

You're looking into the future.

Where did you get this? What have you done'?

I called my cousin in Dallas, the one I told you about.

And two hours later, I just had the money.

We got it?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Do both. When you're rich, you can afford everything.

I love you.

Look at that.

Why don't pork bellies go up?

They will as soon as they make the deal.

But it's been a week. You said it would take a couple of days.

Pete. Have a cigar.

I just made a nice little bundle on Xerox.

Henry, this is Nick Kasabian.

Nick, this is my wife.

Can I kiss your hand, Mrs. Robbins?

Your fingers are like petals on a rose.

This is Nick, the cab dispatcher?

I embrace you as one would any work of art.

This is Nick, the one who told you to buy pork bellies?

Nick, nothing's happened.

She's worried about the deal.

Everyone should have her worries. Look into my face, beautiful lady.

Would Nick Kasabian smile if we had anything to worry about?

How does it work in Moscow'?

First comes the vodka, then the caviar...

...and then women. - After them come pork bellies?

It'll happen. Nick says so, and Nick is never wrong.

She borrowed the money from her cousin.

So you're a few days late.

What's he going to do, kill you?

First comes the vodka...

...and then the caviar, and then the women.

When they're through with them, they'll make the deal...

...and you'll get your money.

Honest, I wouldn't lie.

You'll get your $3,600. - $4,000.

$4,000'? How come'?

You're late.

And if you don't have it by tomorrow, you're dead.

This is Henrietta, your cousin from Brooklyn.

How's Dallas? Great. Look...

...I hate to bother you, but...

...I thought you'd like to know we got the pork bellies.

The thing is, now they want $4,000..

...or they'll kill me.

Pete.

Oh, my God. They got Pete.

Jesus Christ.

You sure you're okay? - I'm fine.

Are you sure'? - I'm fine.

If I hadn't jumped, he'd have hit me. Idiot.

The son of a bitch was laughing. - Who?

Did you see him? - Yeah, he was coming right at me.

What? I mean, hello?

We get the money tomorrow or next time the car won't miss.

I told you these folks weren't to be messed with.

But we're only two days late. They'd kill you for two days late?

Well, they ain't no bank.

The security you put up was your body.

When they foreclose, there's nothing to take but you.

If they kill us, they'll never get the money.

Well, I guess that gives you the last laugh.

Where am I going to get $4,000 by tomorrow?

Well, that's one of them tougher questions.

Help me, Bernie.

Well, if someone buys your contract and pay the man off...

...then you owe these new folks money.

Sure, fine, great.

I'll owe the new people the money. Right.

Mrs. Cherry might do it.

Mrs. Cherry. Sounds like a great person. Call her.

She's got lots of housewives working for her.

That's the only way they can earn the extra money they need.

Well, what do these housewives have to do to get the money?

Well, they stay home and be friendly.

Be friendly.

You mean Mrs. Cherry...

Who else has got $4,000 today?

Call her.

You're Henrietta.

You're Mrs. Cherry?

Such a nice girl.

Was it worth getting married? You needed a husband.

You needed all this aggravation?

You thought you could live on sex.

These days the only way you can live on sex is Mrs. Cherry's way.

Such a nice smile.

I brought you some food.

I'm not very hungry.

But you have to eat. You need your strength.

And you'll take a good nap. Tomorrow is a big day.

I've never cheated before, you know.

Cheated?

Cheating is when it's for fun. This is business.

Like a doctor seeing a patient.

But they're not patients.

Little boys with little fantasies.

When the husband is away, they'll go up to the apartment and...

...play funny little games with the housewife.

How funny'?

You think you're the only wife who has to do this?

I don't know.

I've handled hundreds.

The marriages I've saved.

When they're in trouble, they call Mrs. Cherry.

When things go good, do I hear from anybody?

Did I get this gray hair from laughing'?

How long will it take?

TO pay you back'?

I see you have a responsible attitude. That's nice.

You can pay off the $5,000 in no time.

$5,000. No, it's $4,000.

I saved your husband's life. That's not worth $1,000.

This is your code name.

'Tiger Seven'?

You're not the only tiger I handle.

This is where you'll call every morning...

...after your husband has left for work.

Come.

I invested $4,000 in you.

You're like my own daughter.

So make me proud of you, yes?

When the gentlemen leave here...

...I want them to say...

...this was their finest hour.

Such a nice face.

Stop staring at me. Just eat and get out.

Can I finish my breakfast?

What are you going to do, hang out all day?

It's only 8:10.

Who are you expecting, your boyfriend?

Sure. That's what I do while you're gone.

I have men come over to the apartment, and make love to me, and give me money.

Boy, you're something else. - Why can't I be something else?

Do I always have to be me? I spoil you being me all the time.

Why don't you just get out and let me be anybody I want to be?

Okay.

You're weird.

Weird, weird.

I just want you to know...

...no matter what happens...

...I love you.

Baby.

Get out.

Weird.

This is Tiger Seven calling.

He just left.

I'm the TV repairman.

You got the wrong apartment.

What? - Well, I'm not really the TV repairman.

I just say I am.

Mrs. Cherry sent me.

I didn't understand.

It's a little game you play? - Yes.

Come in. - Thank you.

Yes, you see...

...I pretend that I'm fixing your set...

...while you shower.

I already took one. - Well, take another.

What's that?

It's a screwdriver.

For what?

To make believe I'm fixing the set while you get in the shower.

Would you like a chicken leg and a nice, cold glass of beer?

It sounds good, right? - No, I must get back to the office.

What do you do'? - I'm a stockbroker.

Really. Do you think pork bellies are going to go up today?

Who cares? Now get in the shower. - All right, all right.

Who is it?

It's me, the repairman. - What do you want?

You locked the door.

I always lock the door when I shower.

How do I get in?

I'm sorry, I didn't know that's what you had in mind.

Okay, forget the shower.

We'll play 'take a nap.'

What's that?

Lie down in bed.

Pretend you're taking a nap.

I sneak in...

...climb into bed and I touch you.

You struggle, but not too hard.

You got that?

Let's see. Bed.

Sleep.

Touch. Struggle. Not too hard.

Right.

Excuse me.

Are you sleeping?

I'm sleeping.

Struggle...

...but not too hard. - Okay.

Ready'? - Ready.

You don't hear me. - I don't hear you.

You told me to struggle.

Too hard, too hard.

Well, at least the bleeding has stopped. That's always a good sign.

Here.

Mrs. Cherry said this was going to be my finest hour.

Sorry it didn't work out that way.

See you.

I sent you a client. You break his nose?

This is how you repay me...

...by driving me out of business.

It's not nice to fool Mother Cherry.

It was a mistake.

I was nervous. He was my first one.

Honest, Mrs. Cherry, it won't happen again. I promise.

Make sure.

The gentleman on his way over is not just anybody.

How many girls, their first day in the business, get a judge?

I've driven a cab for years.

This is the first time I ever took a customer to my own building.

I'll be about 20 minutes or so.

Yeah, sure. Take your time.

Hi. I'm a friend of Mrs. Cherry.

Oh, yeah.

Come in, Your Honor.

Please, no titles. This is playtime.

You ready?

Well, what are we going to play?

Honeymoon.

You want me to go in the bedroom? - No, in the kitchen.

How do you play honeymoon in a kitchen?

You're the bride. I'm the groom. I've come home unexpectedly.

You're washing the dishes, wearing only this.

Honeymoon in the kitchen.

I see.

Go in the kitchen...

...put on the apron and start washing the dishes. Tell me when you're ready.

Hurry up. I got to get back to the court. I got a prisoner waiting for sentencing.

What are you gonna give him?

Ten to twenty.

Hurry.

You ready?

In a minute.

Okay.

Henry?

Hello?

What are you doing home?

I thought I'd surprise you.

I don't like surprises. Now get out.

Are you still in that same lousy mood?

Why not'? You come barging in here. Didn't you learn how to knock?

Isn't it my apartment?

That means I have no privacy. You can come anytime you want.

That's it.

I drove a customer here, and I needed to use the bathroom.

And I thought to myself, 'Gee, why don't I use my own bathroom?'.

Now is that being too pushy?

Come on, before he comes out.

He'll shoot me, I know.

No, he hasn't got a gun. Come on. - No, I'll be cut. Butchered.

No, please. I've seen crimes of passion.

Help me. Don't let a judge die this way. - Get out.

My jacket. Where's my jacket?

Pete took it. I'll mail it to you.

It's got my wallet, my name, pictures of my wife...

...a letter from Billy Graham.

I want my jacket.

Go in here and wait. I'll get it.

Here's your jacket.

Oh, no. Get up.

Get up. You can't just lie there. Your Honor?

Your Honor?

Are you dead?

Who is it?

It's me. The colored woman.

Not now, Loretta, not now.

I don't need you today. I'll pay, but you can go. Okay'?

Not without lunch.

Okay, you can have lunch.

No.

I only wanted to hang up my coat.

No, you've been using my closet long enough.

You white folks are really something.

Even segregating our clothes.

Henry, I found these glasses... Hi, Lorrie.

I found these glasses in the bedroom.

They're mine.

Since when do you wear glasses? - I just started.

I don't know. They look like they're for an older person.

I am an older person.

And getting older every second.

What're you doing'? You went to the bathroom.

Now get out. Go back to work.

You're impossible.

You'd better go, Mr. Robbins.

We got spring-cleaning to do. Lots of things to get rid of around here.

Spring-cleaning, right.'Bye.

Who's the dude in the closet?

I can't explain now, Loretta.

My husband was in trouble.

I had to make some quick money.

All right. You said it all, honey.

Mrs. Cherry, Tiger Seven reporting. There's been another accident.

No, he doesn't seem to be hurt. He just seems to be dead.

'Swing low sweet chariot.'

All right, you can come out now. I got him all put away.

That poor man.

Well, it's all part of living.

Now don't you worry. Mrs. Cherry's on her way over with a van...

...and I'll get a dolly and wheel him out.

Hello, Mr. Robbins. - Hi, Bernie.

What are you doing here?

Why aren't you working? We need money.

Knock it off, will you?

I got enough trouble. Some creep in this building beat me out of $10.

I do not need another kick in the ass from you.

Look at us. We're fighting over money.

I was yelling at you. I'm sorry.

Come here, babe.

Babe, come here.

Your hands are cold. You're shaking.

It's silly. We don't have any problems.

Nick told me they will make that deal in pork bellies soon.

Nick's never wrong.

Babe, we're sitting on top of the world.

Excuse me, folks. I gotta move that trunk.

What's in it?

What's in it?

Donations.

I'm collecting for charity, and Mrs. Robbins has been very generous.

That looks heavy, Bernie. Let me help you.

Who's that?

That's them. They're here for that donation. - Great.

Now just tip it up a little bit. That's good.

Thanks, Mr. Robbins.

I'll help you. I'm going down anyway.

I sure appreciate that.

You know, I still can't get over that guy pulling a disappearing act on me.

There's nothing left in the world that surprises me.

Well, you never know, Mr. Robbins.

You never know.

Thank you, Peter. He'll take it from here.

Okay. Right. Well, I'll see you later.

Much obliged.

Get him in.

That's better.

Now breathe nice.

Where am I? What happened?

You've been a bad boy, Your Honor.

You gave us all a terrible scare.

You're back.

I thought you ran out on me.

Where to'? Back to the courthouse?

Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.

What did I do? - It's you.

Who did you think it was? - Don't sneak up on me.

I'm your husband, remember? - I hate surprises.

If you want to touch me, ask me.

I need permission to touch you?

Just don't grab. Do I grab you?

I can remember a few occasions.

I've spoiled you getting into bed with you every night. No more. That's it.

Not even on my birthday?

Maybe on your birthday.

I'm not a candle you can burn at both ends.

Okay, come to bed.

I promise I won't burn your end. - No.

I have things to do. I have to clean out the closet.

At 2:00 a.m.?

I don't tell you how to drive a cab. Why do you tell me how to run a house?

Okay, that's it.

The pressure's too much. I'm going to sell.

Sell what?

The pork bellies. Then we can pay your cousin back the $3,000.

No, there's more than $3,000.

There's interest. You can't sell now. Promise me you won't sell.

We'll figure something out.

We'll pay him back.

We'll be in debt. You'll have to quit class.

I don't want you to spend the rest of your life in a traffic jam.

You can't sell now. We've gone too far.

It's not worth it, seeing you come apart...

Don't worry about me. I'll be all right. Promise me you won't sell.

Okay. Come to bed.

Promise?

I promise. Come on.

Cross your heart.

Cross my heart.

Okay.

You see, you're in bed with me, and it's not even my birthday.

We'll celebrate a little early.

How's my boy? - Hi, Nick.

Read this, partner.

'Pork bellies, down 50 cents.'

News like this separates the men from the boys.

It could also separate me from my wife. She borrowed that money.

If this goes down another buck or so, we're wiped out.

Communists need food. Capitalists need profit.

They'll make the deal. Nick said so, and Nick is never wrong.

Nick, I'm worried about Henry. Really worried.

She doesn't eat, she doesn't sleep. She's acting crazy.

Don't worry.

At 2:00 a.m., she's cleaning the closet. It took me an hour to calm her down.

Then at 4:00, I find her smashing her eyeglasses...

...and throwing them in the garbage.

She borrowed that money, and she feels guilty.

I think she's cracking up.

Hi, there. This is your cousin Henrietta Robbins from Brooklyn.

Pete's alive, but I've got to have $5,000 for Mrs. Cherry.

Pete came home and almost caught the judge.

We thought he was dead, and Bernie put him in a trunk.

Hello?

A peach Danish...

...and a little ice cream.

You should eat something.

I'm too nervous.

I understand. Strange men come into the apartment.

It bothers some women.

Coffee with saccharin.

I'm counting calories.

Don't feel bad.

So, you'll go into another profession.

Doing what?

Would Mrs. Cherry sell your contract to people who aren't nice?

I'm working for the Speed Wrecking Company'?

Good luck, darling.

Go and don't forget Mrs. Cherry.

Call.

Write once in a while. Let me know if you're alive or dead.

What do you think, Angelo?

Looks like we bought a good contract, Dominic.

Try this on.

Now'? - Yeah.

And this.

And these.

She could go anywhere.

She don't look like a drop.

What's a drop?

It's like a messenger.

Every week we give you a package.

And you drop it off where we tell you.

You get $500 for each drop.

Great. - Till you work off the $6,000 you owe us.

$6,000? I only owed Mrs. Cherry $5,000.

No.

You owe us...

...$6,000.

Take this package.

Get on the subway.

Get off at Borough Hall.

Now, you'll see a heavy woman...

...dressed just like you.

Blonde wig, red hat...

...sunglasses.

She'll be carrying a yellow shopping bag.

You drop the package into her shopping bag.

She'll take it to the people we're doing business with.

Lady...

...it is a very expensive package.

Don't make a mistake.

Borough Hall.

Heavy woman.

Red hat.

Blonde wig.

Sunglasses.

Yellow shopping bag.

Don't make a mistake.

Police. You're under arrest. Come on, let's go.

Meet you down at the station.

Okay, go.

I got the package.

Anybody watching?

Police. You're under arrest.

Stop her.

Don't let her get away. Stop her.

Hold her. Don't let her go.

No, help. There's a pervert after me.

Stop her. Don't let her go.

Hold it, sweetheart. I got this dance.

Let go. I'm a police officer.

Where's your badge? - Under my bra.

Okay, Alice, this is Fun City, but we gotta draw the line somewhere.

She's getting away. In a red hat and a yellow shopping bag.

Get her.

Thank you very much.

Just shut up.

I'm going home.'Bye.

Okay, I give up. Okay.

I give up. I surrender.

Okay, I'm coming quietly.

Where are we'?

Fourth Avenue and Douglas Street.

What some people won't do to save a subway fare.

Frankie's got the package.

Sixty seconds...

...and 'goodbye, Frankie.'

Yeah, it'll be a better world without him, little double-crosser.

It's me.

What happened? - Come on, come on.

It was really awful, terrible.

The package. What happened to the package?

Don't worry about the package. I didn't lose it.

Run.

Run.

Wait a minute.

What's the matter?

What's wrong'?

There's a bomb in that package.

This one?

Angelo.

Dominic.

I made a mistake.

Isn't this the kind of limousine people use for funerals?

Why are we going for a ride'?

We gave you a package to deliver.

You delivered it to the wrong people...

...us.

Yeah, but I didn't know it was a bomb. I was inexperienced.

I've had on-the-job training. Give me another chance.

Give me another bomb, a big one. Just tell me who you don't like.

We don't like you.

She sure looks right to me.

You got the money for the contract? - Cash.

No checks.

There you are. $7,000.

$7,000. It was only $6,000.

Yeah, but... - I know, I blew up the bus.

Come on, lady.

You're on my time now.

I'm doing better than pork bellies.

You see that?

All you gotta do is drive it into New York twice a day for two weeks.

You can work your contract off.

By just driving it?

Come on back. Come on.

Look here.

You see that red line I got drawed on that map?

You follow that till you get right here.

There'll be some folks there waiting on you.

I'm driving cows into New York in a motor home?

Ain't nobody going to think nothing about that.

Why do you have to put them into...

You're stealing cattle.

What about it?

Nothing, nothing.

Does he have to come along?

He's a mean one. Don't turn your back on him.

Don't turn my back'? How am I going to drive'?

Nobody said it was going to be easy.

Now you listen good, little lady.

You take them cattle where it's marked...

...or I'm going to take you to a place that ain't marked on no map.

Right.

Try to cool it back there, kids.

Oh, God.

Back.

Help.

Okay, great, very nice. I like you, too. But back. Back kid.

Hello. Hi. This is Henrietta Robbins, your cousin from Brooklyn.

I hate to bother you, but I'm desperate. See, the bomb blew the bus up...

...and I need $7,000 or else I'm going to become a cattle rustler.

Pork bellies did what?

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

You ran through a light.

Light'? What light? - That light. You're on a one-way street.

Who put a light there?

You're drunk. You know that?

I sure hope so because I swear I can see cows jumping out of your car.

Oh, my God. They've gotten out.

No. Somebody stop.

Come back here. You don't know Brooklyn. You'll get lost.

Stay together, you'll get lost.

Pete? It's Nick.

Go ahead, Nick.

I got some news about pork bellies.

Oh, no.

Brace yourself.

I'm braced.

What's a rich man doing driving a cab?

Don't kid me, Nick.

I thought they'd double or something.

The deal they made.

The sky's the limit.

You're rich, baby, rich.

I'm rich'?

We're rich.

All our troubles are over.

It's okay, lady. This one's on me. - You're crazy.

Pork bellies went up.

We're rich.

You'll get lost.

Come back, you're jaywalking.

Now, that's what I call realism.

Stampede.

Wait.

Slop.

Rest a little. Wait a minute. Girls, let's go home.

What are you following him for?

Hey, come back.

Oh, no.

They said my cattle came in here.

They didn't come through here.

They came through here?

Nothing broke'?

It's a miracle.

Knock on wood.

Did you see some cows run by?

Mister?

Did you see some cows run by? - Okay, Joe, take her up.

Lady, halt.

Hold it, lady.

What are you doing here?

Lady, you're going to turn this thing over. - Get off. No, stay on.

Where are you going?

Look, lady, you're under arrest.

That's the best news I've heard all day.

Get me off of here.

Get out of the way.

I do trust you.

I just feel I have a right to an explanation.

An explanation for what?

What were you doing riding a bull down the street?

That's nit-picking. Pork bellies went up. We're rich.

Pay the bill and let's go.

I want the truth.

The truth. Boy, is that all our marriage is based on, the truth?

You're hiding something from me.

What do you want to know'?

Start with the bull.

Well, it's nothing. I was chasing cows.

Cows? - The ones the cattle rustlers gave me.

You were rustling cattle?

You'd rather I deliver bombs for the Viscontis?

Bombs? - The loan shark wanted his money.

Loan shark? - That's why Bernie called Mrs. Cherry.

Hold it.

Now give it to me straight.

Who is Mrs. Cherry?

She's just a lady.

Who is she?

She's just a lady. Some people call her lady, some people call her madam.

Are you telling me Mrs. Cherry is a madam, and you were working for a madam?

Not exactly. Just a few guys came over while you were at work.

There were men at my place'?

Only till the judge died. We put him in the trunk.

In the trunk?

Playing honeymoon was too much for him.

That's it. I don't want to hear anymore.

Don't be mad. It was your idea to tell the truth.

Did everything work out?

Where is she? - Pay her bail and get her out.

What's wrong'? - There was a man in that trunk.

That one.

She wasn't doing it for herself.

It was the only way she could get you pork bellies.

I've heard enough.

Watch out.

Don't get yourself killed. Not after all she did for you.

Why don't you watch what you're doing'?

If anything has happened to him...

...I'll never forgive her.

If she had an ounce of decency, she'd leave before he got back.

Look, Pete can stay with us until he gets over it?

I mean, he can start a new life.

We'll introduce him to some decent women.

Pete, where have you been? Helen and I have been worried sick.

I spent the night at a hotel. - You're coming home with Helen and me.

I just waited to say goodbye.

I don't care to say goodbye to you.

For Henry...

...who always deserved diamonds, but never asked for them.

Who shared the hard times, and even made them fun.

Who never made me feel as though I'd failed.

Who would sell herself to buy me a second chance in life.

My wife.

How can you forgive her'?

She made a fool out of you.

She ruined your good name, and Fred's, too.

I hope you never need money, Fred.

Helen couldn't make 50 cents for you.

I still owe Rocky $7,000.

No, you don't. You owe me $10,000.

$10,000'.7 - Yeah.

You?

With the bail, and the bull, and the cows... - You are a crook.

Yeah, you're right.

You really bought my contract?

Hello. This is Henrietta Robbins, your cousin from Brooklyn.

Wait, don't hang up. Pork bellies went up. Everything's terrific.

Pete bought my contract from Rocky, and we still have plenty left.

We only have one problem...

...and you, living in Texas, we thought you might be interested.

How'd you like to buy some hot cows?

Hello?