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[ Distant Coughing ]

[ Coughing Continues ]

[ Coughing, Gasping ]

[ Coughing Continues ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Indistinct ][ Coughing ]

[ Continues Coughing ]

[ TV Continues ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Coughing, TV Continue ]

[ Coughing Subsides ]

[ TV Continues ]

Mom ?

♪ I got freedom of the heart

♪ It's a brand-new start

♪ I see the sun shining through the trees in the park ♪

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

[ Laughing ] ♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun [ Boys Giggling ]

♪ Yeah

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh

♪ Ooh ♪

[ Woman ] What's that ?

A friend of mine-- His mom has died.

[ Woman ] That's awful.

Yeah.

You want to get something to eat first ?

No, we're late already.

♪ Nearer, my God, to Thee

♪ Nearer to Thee

♪ E'en though

♪ It be a cross

♪ That raiseth me

♪ Still all my song

♪ Shall be

♪ Nearer, my God, to Thee

♪ Nearer, my God, to Thee ♪

Condolences to your family.

I'm sorry.Thank you.

Hey, when did you get here ?Oh, just this morning.

I'm really sorry about your mom.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Buck, this is Carlyn, my fiancee.I'm so sorry.

I'm glad you could make it. I think about you all the time, us as kids and stuff.

You don't look much different.

You do. Your face is fatter.

[ Both Chuckle ]

Hello. How are you ?

[ Pouring Liquid ]

We found out she was dead.

Boo !Hey... hi.

Hey, are you guys bored ? What are you doing ?

You wanna go see my room ?

This is my mom.

She's pretty.She would have hated this:

all these people in her house.

It's kind of strange to see you after all these years.

I mean, under these circumstances.

Guess who this is ?

It's me and Chuck."Chuck" ?

[ Charlie ] I go by Charlie now, pretty much.

Chuck and Buck. [ Carlyn ] That's so adorable.

Look at you guys. You're such little cuties.

I have a whole box of pictures. You guys should spend the night.

We gotta get back. We got a flight at 8:00. [ Buck Groans ]

[ Buck ] Back to L.A. ?

You live there too ?

Mm-hmm.Yeah, we live together.

You should come visit L.A.

[ Woman ] ♪ I got freedom of the heart

♪ It's a brand-new start

♪ I see the sun shining through the trees in the park ♪

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

Uh, hey ! [ Zips Pants ]

Hey.

So... I was thinking that, uh... you should stay...

and go back tomorrow.

Um, I wish we could.

It's just work and everything.

But you should visit in L.A.

You should--

What-- Hey, what are you doing, man ? No !

We're going.

Okay.

Don't you want to say good-bye ?Yeah, I did.

[ Soft Sobbing ]

♪♪ [ Woman Vocalizing ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪♪

[ Buck ] Hey, this is a message for Chuck.

Hey, Chuck, it's Buck. How's it goin' ?

Um... I, uh... was thinking about what you said about coming to Los Angeles,

and, uh... I thought I might do that.

So, um... uh... you know--

Oh, my number is 805-555-4322,

in case you don't have it.

And, um-- So, you know, call me...

and, uh, let me know, you know... whatever.

Okay ? All right ? Okay. Bye.

[ Hangs Up Receiver ]

[ Woman Counting ] Nine thousand four, nine thousand five,

nine thousand six, nine thousand seven,

nine thousand eight, nine thousand nine.

That's $10,000.

[ Buck ] Thank you.

Hey, Pilar.Hi.

[ Turns On Answering Machine ]

[ Machine Beeps ] Hey, buddy, it's Charlie calling you back.

Listen, we'd love to have you come to visit.

Carlyn's folks are in town this week,

then the following week, I'm going to New York on business.

So the next month or two is gonna be pretty bad--

[ Turns Off Machine, Sighs ]

[ Charlie Over Machine ] The next month or two is gonna be pretty bad,

but I'll call you after I get back from my trip, and we can work something out.

So, it was good to see you after so long, and I hope you're doing okay.

And I'll call you. Later.

[ Rewinding Tape ]

It's Charlie calling you back on Thursday.

Listen, we'd love to have you come to visit.

Carlyn's folks are in town this week--

- [ Rewinding ] - Listen, we'd love to have you come to visit.

Carlyn's folks are in town this week,

then the following week I'm going to New York on business.

[ Increasing Volume ]So the next month or two is going to be pretty bad,

but I'll call you after I get back from my trip, and we can work something out.

♪♪

[ Woman ] ♪ I got freedom of the heart It's a brand-new start ♪

♪ I see the sun shining through the trees in the park ♪

♪ So tell me your name and maybe let's play a game ♪

♪ I kind of like your smile and you might feel the same ♪

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

Hi.Hi. That's a really nice shirt.

- My mom bought it for me. - [ Laughs ]

Well, can I help you with something ?

I'm here see to Chuck Sitter. Charles.

He's up on the sixth floor. If you hold on for one second, I'll call up.

Hi, it's Diane. There's a, um--

What's your name ? [ Buck ] What ?

What's your name ?

No. No.

I'm delivering some artwork.

- Sitter, sixth floor. - All right.

[ Men Talking, Indistinct ]

[ Charlie ] Is that so ?

[ Man Chattering ]

[ Charlie ] That's cold. He disrespected you.

[ Man Continues Chattering ]

[ Charlie ] Hey, whoa ! Hold up ! Wait up. Hold the door.

Hi.How can I help you ?

Um... do you put on plays here...

and people come and see 'em ?Well, this is a theater.

Well, say I thought of a play.

W-Would you put that on ?You've written a play ?

Never.

Oh. Just creating a hypothetical scenario ?

What if, um--

What if I didn't want you to read it ?

Well, you could write at the top of the page, "Don't let Beverly read it."

I'll beg and plead, but they won't let me read it.Oh, no.

What I meant was--I know what you meant. You could rent out the theater.

On Monday evenings they make it available for just...

you know, secret plays.

Okay. Thanks.

So why are you always standing in front of the theater ?

Oh, um... I'm waiting for my friend.

Hey.Buck, what the hell--

What are you doing in L.A. ?I've moved here.

You live here ? Since when ?

Oh, not that long, just a few weeks.

Wow. What are you doin' ?

I was over at, um--Georgio's ?

The food's great if you like fish.What are you doing in L.A. ?

Um, putting on a play.

You are ?

Yeah, I was thinking about those plays we used to put on.

I was thinking about the devil and the reindeer.

"The devil and the reindeer" ?Uh-huh.

[ Charlie ] It was--They both have horns,

so they team up against Santa.

How was New York ?

Oh, it got canceled. Um, I didn't go.

Oh... I see.

We're having some people over tomorrow night.

It's a little party for Charlie's promotion.

Yeah, I should have remembered that.

Yeah, you should come. It'll be great.

I'll give you directions. You have a pen ?

Yeah.Oh, I can find it.

What time ?

People are coming around 10:00, 10:30.

[ Carlyn ] It starts at 8:00.Whenever.

[ Charlie ] That will be great. Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

Great. Bye. [ Charlie ] See you tomorrow.

Bye.

[ Car Doors Opening ]

♪♪ [ Woman Vocalizing ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]Bye.

[ Carlyn ] Bye.

♪♪

[ Panting ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Panting ]

[ Guests Chattering, Indistinct ]

Hey, Buck.Oh, hi.

You made it.Yeah.

You look nice. Can I get you something ?

Something to drink or eat ?

A rum and Coke ?Okay.

Rum and Coke for him, and I'll take the chardonnay.

[ Bartender ] You bet.

So you made it. Did you have any trouble finding the house ?

Where's Charlie ?I don't know.

I think he's probably out back or something.

I love those West Indian basket women things you have in the living room.

Thank you. I was afraid people were gonna think they were racist.

My decorator pushed me into it.

Jolie, this is Buck, a friend of Charlie's from home.

How do you do ?Oh, hi.

I'm gonna go make the rounds.By all means, go play hostess.

And you're friends with Charlie ?

Oh, yeah, best friends, when we were kids.

What do you do in L.A., Buck ?Oh, nothing.

I know a lot of people who have that job.

It's one of the better jobs. I bet you're very good at it.

I kind of want to talk to Charlie right now.Okay.

I think he's out back.But thanks for talking to me.

It was nice meeting you.

[ Buck ] Hey, Chuck.Hey, man.

You want a drink ?Oh, no, I have one.

Okay, see you in a second.

Oh--Oh, hey.

Sorry. I was just looking around.

That's okay. I was just gonna touch up my makeup.

Are you having any fun ?

Yeah. I noticed there's no pictures of me anywhere.

Oh, yeah.

Charlie doesn't have any pictures.

He's not a very sentimental guy.

What was he like when you knew him ?

Oh, he was fun.

Yeah, we had fun.

I think Charlie wants to hang out with his other friends tonight.

Well, there are a lot of people here from his work and everything.

He really cares a lot about his work, but I know he's glad you're here.

[ Guests Laughing ]

[ Charlie Talking, Indistinct ]

They are incredible. I think they're gonna be huge.That's probably true.

[ Charlie Continues, Indistinct ]

Look at Paul Shaffer.

Bonnie Raitt ? Hootie ? Where's your music supervisor from, Fresno ?

[ Laughing ]Hey, Chuck. Hey, Buck.

Buck, this is Josh Weintraub. This is Tony Maxwell.

- How you doin' ? - Vince Duffy.

How's it ? And Melissa--Booth.

Buck's a friend of mine from up north. So, how's it goin' ?

I like your house. Uh, do you--

Um... it-it's very--

[ Laughs ] Who, um--Spit it out, Buck.

It's very old-persony.

[ Group Chuckling ]

The last time Buck and I saw each other, we were camping out in his parents' backyard,

eating potato chips and playing spy games.

[ Man ] The good old days.Exactly.

He went by Chuck, and I was Buck, so we were Chuck and Buck.

[ Laughing ]

All the other kids wanted to play with us, but we wouldn't let 'em.

Charlie hasn't changed. He's still a very exclusive guy.

We'd get in such royal trouble too.

Once my parents grounded me for a week because--

Listen, I'm gonna go get a drink.Oh, Charlie, I'd love to--

Yeah, I know. I'm just gonna be--

[ Josh ] Did you see the jacket ? [ Group Laughing ]

[ Bangs Fist ]

[ Crying Softly ]

[ Throws Suckers To Floor ]

[ Crying ]

[ Knocks Over Toys ]

[ Crying Softly ]

[ Children Chattering, Indistinct ]

♪♪ [ Man Vocalizing ]

♪♪ [ Vocalizing Continues ]

♪♪

- [ Dialing ] - [ Phone Rings ]

Hello ?

[ Buck ] Hello, is Charlie there ?Is this Buck ?

Yeah, hi.

Hold on.

Talk to him.I don't want to.

Buck, um... Charlie's not around,

but I'll let him know you called.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.Bye. [ Hangs Up Receiver ]

[ Man ] Okay, Mr. Wise Tree.

Don't forget, you know all and you don't say anything.

Just move a little bit-- There you go. Perfect.

We're gonna take it from where the scarecrow is having a very hard time waking up.

Always face the audience.

Share that face with the audience.

Don't forget, you're made out of straw.

We need Dorothy. This is you, sweetheart. Try to wake him up.

[ Children Chattering ]Okay, wake up. Wake up, straw man.

Wake up, straw man !

Well, if it isn't the man that's waiting for his friend.

Hey. Do you remember me ?

[ Director ] Stand up.

Oh, well, um... I wrote a play.

- Oh, you did ? - Yeah, and I was kind of hoping you could help me.

What ? Direct ? Produce ?

[ Buck ] Yeah.

Well, I'm the house manager.

- I don't know shit about directing. - That's okay.

Nah, it wouldn't work.

You'd have to pay me by the hour.

How much ?

- Twenty-five dollars an hour. - Okay.

Whoops.

What's all this stuff ?

Here it is.This is it ?

Yeah.

[ Laughs, Sighs ]

Let me-- "Hank and Frank."

Is this a children's play ?Well, it has kids in it.

Um, in the first part, they're kids,

and in the second part, they're, they're older.

Uh-huh. Time lapse, huh ? Gotcha.

So when can you read it ?

[ Beverly ] I don't think this is a children's play.

It's... way out there.

Hmm.

I think you have something weird about women.

I think you have something weird about men.

How old are you ?

Twenty-seven.

Your face is, uh-- It's twitching.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes it, um--

I have a-- When I'm nervous--

[ Sighs ]Hmm.

So how many nights do you want to book the theater ?

One."One" ?

You're just gonna do it for one night only ?

Well, all right.

Uh, I can reserve the first Monday in December.

That will give us four weeks' rehearsal.

Now, about the $25 an hour-- Are you bullshitting me ?

[ Laughs ] No.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna ask you to pay me every week,

and I'll keep a record of my hours.

Hi, Jamila. It's Diane.

There's a Buck O'Brien here to see Charlie.

He says he doesn't have an appointment.

He's in a meeting, but you can wait here and then he'll see you.

Hi, Di. [ Diane ] Hi.

Hi, I'm Jamila. I'm Charlie's assistant.

He's still in a meeting, but you can come up and wait if you want.

Oh, okay.

[ Charlie ] Get that cover letter to Ed Stegner. [ Jamila ] Mm-hmm.

Ask the people in his office if they sent those tapes with the samples on them.

Oh, they did. I have it.

Jesus, I've been asking you for those tapes for two days.

Well, it just came.

Hey, Buck. You have a good time at the party the other night ?

Sure.

At first.

I don't know about parties.

They were all asking me what I do.

How's the play ? The play ?

Well, it's not really--

But what I want-- I wanna spend time, uh, hanging out...

with you and catching up.

Yeah. I mean, me too. That'd be great.

Yeah, because we really haven't seen each other, and I feel bad that we didn't keep up.

You know, I feel like it's my fault.

It's not your fault. I mean, I moved. These things happen.

So... what have you been doing ?

Well... my mom was sick for, like, five years.

So I was kind of taking care of her.

Yeah, that must have been tough.

Hey, that's my band.

I signed those guys.

[ Turns Up Volume ]

♪ I'll leave the front unlocked 'cause I can't hear the doorbell ♪

You know, I kept meaning to, uh, write you or call you... ♪♪ [ Continues ]

[ Mutes TV ]'cause I thought about you all the time, you know.

After you left, I didn't really get into school at all, you know.

I didn't like the other kids so much.

All the homework and sports-- It just wasn't fun.

It's weird you have this office. What do you do in here ?

Sign bands... and produce...

and negotiate contracts.

It's not all that interesting.

That's funny. That's really funny,

'cause, do you remember, we used to play games like we were businessmen ?

Remember we bought all those office supplies ?

And now you're, like, really doing it.

Is it real now or is it still like a game ?

It's pretty real.

Remember all those games we used to play ? [ Intercom Beeps ]

[ Jamila Over Intercom ] Charlie, Marion Cash.

I'll return-- No, I'll take it.

Uh, Buck... I gotta go back to work.

Oh, okay. But I'm glad you came by.

We should get some lunch sometime, okay ?

Just give Jamila your number, and we'll get together.

Oh, all right. Well, um... bye, Chuck.

I'm glad that we're--Yeah, me too.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I want to get a picture of us.

Um... right now ?

I was kind of hoping, yeah.

Okay. Jamila ?

Yes ?

Can you help us out here, please ?

[ Buck ] Here.

You guys ready ?Take the picture.

One...two...three.

There you go.[ Buck ]Thanks.

[ Ringing Up Sale On Cash Register ]

♪♪

[ Doorbell Rings ]I'll get it.

Want me to get it ?No, I got it.

Hey, Buck.Oh, hey.

Ever thought of using a phone ?

Oh, I was just gonna drop something by.

I can come back later.

[ Turns Off TV ]

Hey, Buck.Well, hi.

Can I get you something to drink ?

Oh, no... that's all right.

Would you like some coffee, a bagel ?

Would you like some ice cream ? [ Buck ] Really ?

Oh, mmm. I like ice cream.Okay.

Do you want some, Charlie ?Nope.

- What you got there ? - Oh, this ?

I made this for Chuck.

[ Charlie ] Wow.

[ Buck ] Yeah, I saw that you didn't have any pictures of us,

so I made this for you.That's really creative.

This is the picture we took today.

Today ?Oh, yeah.

Buck, um... visited me in the office.

I made one of my mom, and then one of me and my dad, and then this one.

It took a long time.

I bet.

Okay, let me get you that ice cream.

So do you remember all these pictures ?

Kind of. I had copies of 'em made...

so I could cut 'em up.

So, do you like it ?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's great.

Mmm, I like strawberry.

Well, um... I'm gonna go up to bed.

Really ?Yeah, I'm exhausted.

Yeah, so am I.

It was nice to see you again, Buck.

Right. Thanks for the ice cream.

I'll be up in a minute.Okay. [ Kisses Charlie ]

So what should we do ?

Oh, I've got to wake up early tomorrow.

I think we should play a game.

What do you mean ? Like Trivial Pursuit or something ?

Yeah.

Or like, you know--

What ?

Like some other kind of game.

Like what ?

[ Whispers ] Can she hear us ?

Carlyn ? What are you talking about ?

Like one of those games where you stick your dick in my mouth...

and I stick mine in yours.

Chuck and Buck, suck and fuck.

I think you should get out of here, Buck.

I mean it. Get out, now.

So this is the Frank pile,

and this is the Hank pile,

and this is the witch pile.

Okay.

I think I have your little Hank and Frank.

I don't know if they're gonna be able to memorize all those lines, but let me get them.

Jake, Tommy, can you come up here, kids ?

[ Footsteps Ascending Staircase ]

Hey, guys, this is Buck. Say hello.

Hello.Hi.

Okay, guys. Thanks.

Um, well, I think the one with the dark hair...

is okay for Hank,

but the other one's not really right for Frank.

Buck, he's a good little actor.

He was the Cheshire Cat...

in the Alice in Wonderlandshow we did, and he was hilarious.

He may not be what you're looking for, but I don't think we're gonna get any better.

All right, guys, fill out the sign-in sheet:

name, telephone number, any acting experience you might have and--

All right. I need your head shots, please.

What if you don't got an agent ?

Well, just fill in your telephone number.

What if your phone's out of order ?[ Scoffs ]

[ Sighs ] I know who you are.

You fooled Hank, but you haven't fooled me.

Don't you see, Hank ? Are you too blind to see what's in front of you ?

I know who you are, and you fooled him, but you haven't fooled me.

You put that curse on me.

Don't you remember anything ?

She's evil, Hank. Evil !

Now in this scene, you are playing Hank's girlfriend, Delilah.

She's sweet, loving, fun whenever Hank's around,

but Frank sees right through you.Okay.

I don't know what you're talking about, Frank.

You were Hank's friend, and I felt sorry for you.

But I won't stand for this, and Hank won't either.

So unless you want to go back to that hellhole, I suggest you clean up your act.

Very nice. Thank you.

My name's Adam. I'm reading for Hank.

I see.

I'm your friend, and I would do anything for you.

But I know my wife, and she wouldn't hurt a fly. Um--

I'm going out.

But when I get back, I hope you'll make things right.

[ Beverly ] I'm telling you the truth, She's a witch.

Frank... do it for me.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Hi, how you doin' ?

Sam, is it ?

Yeah.

Where are you from ?

All over. New Jersey.

Hmm. You've been acting long ?

Nah. Some commercials: Mountain Dew, some others.

[ Beverly ] Okay, go ahead.

Frank, you're my friend, and I would do anything for you.

But I know my wife, and she couldn't hurt a fly.

And now you've really hurt her.

Hmm... okay. Hank is really upset. He's had it up to here.

Do you think you could try it a little more--

[ Sam ] Like really mad ? [ Beverly ] Exactly.

Frank, you're my friend...

and I would do anything for you.

But I know my wife, and she couldn't hurt a fly.

And now you've really hurt her.

I can't stand to see her like this.

I'm going out now, but when I get back, I hope you'll have made things right.

[ Beverly ] I'm telling you the truth. She's a witch.

Frank, do it for me !

[ Beverly ] Great. Thanks for coming in.

Yeah, that felt better.

Here.Oh, hey.

Wow. [ Chuckles ]

Thanks.

Well, now all we have left to do is decide on Hank.

I think it's pretty obvious who we should go with.

No, I like this guy.

You're kidding, right ?

He was the worst thing we saw today. He can't act.

I thought he was all right.

Buck, no.

He can't act at all.

No. I mean, no.

He is a moron.

[ Buck ] I think him. [ Beverly ] Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

[ Buck Over Phone ] Hello. Is Charlie there ?

Hi, Buck.Hi.

I'm sorry, he's not in. I'll have him call you, okay ?

Did you tell him it was important ?

Yep, I've told him, but he's really busy.

Okay ? Good-bye.

I wish he could, like, just do his job.

Exactly.[ Indistinct ]

Jamila ? Can I talk to you ?

Well--Just for a second.

Okay. [ Woman ] We'll meet you later.

Yeah, I'll see you guys there.

He's there, isn't he ?

He could call me back. He just doesn't want to.

Maybe. I mean, I don't really know.

[ Crying ]

What's the matter ?

[ Crying ] No, no, just tell him--

Forget it. Just--

Whatever.

[ Phone Rings ]

[ Continues Ringing ]

Hello ?

Buck ?Hi.

You really freaked out my assistant today.

I did ?

Look, I'm sorry your mother died,

and I know that we were really good friends, once.

- We were best friends. - Right, but that was a long time ago.

My life is really complicated right now. I've got a ton of work.

I'm getting married.It's because of her, huh ?

Carlyn ?She doesn't like me.

She does like you, okay ? It's not her.

A lot has changed. I can't deal with you. I'm not the same person anymore.

What do you mean ?

I don't know why you've fixated on me.

[ Sighs ]

Yes, you do.

Look, don't call.

Don't call me at home. Don't call at the office.

Don't stop by unannounced. Just stay away.

[ Hangs Up Receiver ]

[ Little Hank ] He's not gonna wake up, Frank.

It's only bad luck if it drops in the mud. [ Little Frank ] Says who ?

Says everybody.

Take this shovel and start digging.

Find a place where the ground is soft.[ Crunches Blow Pop ]

Hey.

Hey.

So you wrote this ?Yeah.

How long did it take ?

A few days.

A few days, huh ? That's all ?

It's pretty good.Thanks.

Don't thank me. Thank you. You wrote a fantastic play.

- I'll see you later. - Yeah, all right.

Take care.

Pick a color.Green.

G-r-e-e-n. Pick a number.

Seven.

You already picked seven.Eleven.

"You'll live with the movie stars in Beverly Hills."

Yep, that's me.

Have you ever played this game ?Yeah.

Listen, about the script--

I see it as a love story between Hank and Frank.

You do ?Yeah. Don't you ?

It's like a homoerotic, misogynistic love story.

Oh. Well, it is what it is. I don't know.

I mean, I wanted to write something like...

like the kind of things me and my friend used to do.

Let me do a beat-by-beat analysis of the play, okay ?

Okay.Hank and Frank are this...

Waiting for Godot little duo.

They're in the forest. It's like paradise.Right.

This horrible wicked witch woman appears.

They've trespassed. She casts a spell on both of them...

and makes Hank stupid.

And she turns Frank into a cripple, which is like castration.

She castrates him.

What do you mean ?

Like she... takes his penis away.

[ Chuckles ] What TV shows do you watch ?

What TV shows do I watch ?

It's like a fairy tale, you know ?

It's like Goldilocks or, uh, Little Red Riding Hood.

You know, there's some kids and the witch and the curse and--

[ Sighs ]

[ Carlyn ] Hello ?

Hello ?

Who was it ?You know who it is. It's Buck.

He calls here every 15 minutes and hangs up on me.

What's the deal ?

Uh, he's crazy.

Was he always like this or-- [ Charlie ] Yeah.

His parents were nuts.

I feel sorry for him. His mom just died.

Don't worry. He'll stop calling, eventually.

[ Beverly ] You're starting to feel the poison. You get on your knees...

and you stumble across towards Frank.

Now, Delilah, stand between them.

I don't think she should be standing there.

- Why not ? - Unless you want me to hit her.

She just fucking killed me. I'm not gonna just pass by.

"Oh, hey, hi. How you doing ?"

- But you're weak with the poison. - I'm not that weak.

What if she stands over there ?

Uh-uh. I could still easily pop her with my hand.

[ Sam ] I know my wife, and she couldn't hurt a fly.We're doomed, man.

I know I'm not inviting my agent.You're not ?

No. Fuck, no.

Can you keep it simple ?

See, what I don't understand is "less angry."

I mean, I don't think I'm angry enough.

[ Beverly ] What I mean is you can show anger without screaming.

Just pull it down a bit.

You know that when you're angry, you raise your voice ? You know that ?

Try it... without screaming.

I know my wife.

She couldn't hurt a fly, and now you've really hurt her.

♪♪ [ Women Vocalizing ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪♪

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪♪

Sadie ! Sadie !

She won't come.

- You want a Blow Pop ? - Mom !

Mom !

Can I have a Blow Pop ? No, your lunch is almost ready.

Come on, please ?No.

Here, you can have a lick of mine.

Mom says they'll rot my teeth out.

I eat 'em all the time and look.

This is top-secret stuff, okay ?Okay.

Nobody knows about this.

Look. Black Cats.

I tried to stick one up Sadie's butt. Sadie hates me.

Let's light one off.Okay.

[ Firecracker Explodes ] [ Tommy ] Ow ! Ow !

Oh, my God, Mommy ! Mommy, help !

[ Tommy Continues Screaming ]What ?

[ Mother ] Oh, my God ! Tommy ! [ Tommy Screaming ]

- What happened ? - He had some firecrackers.

Keep working, guys, okay ?

I need to talk to you. What happened yesterday ?

When ?With Tommy, yesterday.

He set off a firecracker, and he burned his hand.

Yes, and his mother is freaking out.

She's pulling him out of the play.She is ?

She's pulling him out of both plays.

Barry is totally pissed off at me.

Hell, why didn't you stop him ?

I don't know.Buck, when you're around kids,

you need to protect them.

Remember, you're an adult.

I know it doesn't give you much time, but our backs are against the wall.

So what do you think ? It's fine with me.

[ Sam ] Now, would we be playing it like little kids ?

Like, uh, like, like...

"La-la-la, I'm a little kid" ?

You wouldn't be playing it like a little retarded kid,

but, yes, you would be acting youthful.

Fine, all right. I'll do it.

[ Ringing ]

Charlie Sitter's office.

[ Buck Disguising Voice ] Hello, this is Bob Double...berg.

[ Jamila Over Intercom ] Charlie, Bob Doubleberg.Who ?

He says he's returning your call.Take a number.

[ Phone Rings ]

Hello.

Hello.Hey, Chuck, it's Buck.

I didn't think you would return my call so--

What do you want, Buck ?

Well, the play that I wrote--

They're putting it on a week from Monday...

and I was hoping you could come.

I don't know, Buck. I don't--

I think you might want to see it.

You know, it, uh-- It would mean a lot to me.

It's at the Aeternus Theater.

It's right across the street from your office.

You know, it's not that great a play, but I think you might like it.

[ Charlie ] I've got to get off the phone. I've got another call.

Thanks for letting me know. I'll see what I can do.

Chuck, please come, okay ?

You got to understand, Delilah.

Line."Things have been hard for Frank."

Things have been hard for Frank.

What is it ?"He's been wandering the forest for years."

He's been wandering the forest for years.

[ Groans ] Can I hold my script ?

If that's what you need.

[ Sam ] I feel like I'm in seventh grade, cramming for this test...

I know I'm going to fail.

Sweet.

Look at this shit.

It's like, uh, fucking Romper Room here.Yeah.

It's all kids' stuff.

Look at this shit. [ Pops Open Can ]

Is that your Mom and Pops ?

Yeah.Where are they ?

Oh, they're dead.Oh, oops.

That's too bad.

Why you live in a motel ?

Where should I live ?I don't know. You know, apartment, condo.

Hey, you want one ?

[ Sighs ] There you go.

There's something funny about you. You're funny, huh ?

Maybe. People used to say I'm funny.

They'd say, "Sam, you're funny. You should be an actor."

I never wanted to be an actor or nothing, but people kept saying that...

and I was like, well, it beats laying fucking carpet.

Okay, yeah. I gotta try that part again, okay ?

[ Buck ] "Oh, it won't be dark for hours."

[ Sam ] Yeah, Frank, a cookie sounds good to me.

"I don't know, Hank. I don't trust her."

What's the line ?"Come on, don't be a chicken."

Come on, don't be a chicken."I'm not a chicken."

All right, all right, that's enough. My head's spinning.

I don't know. I don't know about that chick.

Who, Beverly ? Yeah, Beverly. I think she's got problems.

I mean, I think she wishes she had a cock. You know what I'm saying ?

[ Gasps ] Well, she's all right.

Yeah, she's all right.

I'd like to fucking-- I don't know. I wonder what her twat looks like.

[ Laughs ] You ever wonder that ?

It's like sometimes she'll be talking to me...

and all I can think is...

"What's your twat look like ? Why don't you show it to me, you fucking bitch ?"

Yeah, I'm twisted.

I got problems. I know I do.

You look like this friend of mine. Yeah ?

That's cool. My best friend.

I'm nervous.

Nervous about what ?

I don't think my friend is gonna come to the play.Why not ?

I don't think he wants to be my friend anymore.

Why not ? I don't know.

Because...

I'm not normal.

Buck, you're normal.

But I know if he saw the play...

he'd remember the way things used to be with us...

and all the things we did.

I think he'd change his mind about me, you know ? Hey,

the least this guy can do is get off his ass and come see it.

I mean, you just gotta make him come.

[ Chatting, Indistinct ]

Take care.You too.

I will see you soon.Oh, tomorrow, right ?

Yeah.Bye.

Hey. Oh, my God.

Buck... You scared me.Oh, I'm sorry.

Jesus.I was gonna call you, but your phone's been disconnected.

Yeah, well, someone kept calling us and hanging up.

Yeah. Well, um, I wanted to tell you about my play.

See, I have this play, and, um...

they're doing a performance of it.You do ?

Yeah, Monday night at 8:00. I told Chuck about it, but I'm just--

I'm not sure if he, um... he's gonna--

[ Sighs ]Where is it ?

It's-It's at the Aeternus Theater.

Well, we'll try to be there.

It sounds... illuminating.

Are you ready ?

Um, you know, could we just blow it off ? I'm kind of tired.

You want to blow it off ?

Well, I'm going.

We don't have to be nice. I want to see it.

I'm curious.

Are you coming or not ?

♪♪

[ Buck ] Hey, Tommy, how's your hand ?Fine.

Hi. Can I have these two seats for my sister ?

No.I need them.

I don't care. They're saved.

I'm the mother pheasant plucker. I pluck mother pheasants.

I'm the most pleasant mother pheasant plucker to ever pluck a mother pheasant.

I'm not the pheasant plucker. I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.

I'm only plucking pheasants 'cause the pheasant plucker's late.

I'm not the pheasant plucker. I'm the pheasant plucker's wife.

I've been plucking mother pheasants my whole pheasant plucking life.

♪ Mmm-maw ♪

Hey, hey. Hey, Buck.Hey.

They almost took your seats.Okay.

You should come on.[ Carlyn, Charlie ] All right.

So, uh, here...

are your... seats.

And, uh-- [ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ] Hey--

Oh. Okay. Well, I'll see you after the show.

Okay.

♪♪

Get up, Buddy.

Come on. Wake up, Buddy.

He's not gonna wake up, Frank.

Come on, Buddy.

He's dead, Frank.

He's been sitting there for hours.

He's not gonna wake up.

You don't even care. Buddy's dead.

Ah, it's not such a big deal.Easy for you to say.

It's not your dog.

[ Hank ] Forget about the dog, Frank.

I want to go into the forest and play. I love playing with you.

And today, I'm gonna show you a new game.

Mmm, cookies. Yum.

Yeah, Frank, a cookie sounds good to me.

I don't know, Hank. I don't trust her.

[ Witch ] I know what you two have been doing in the forest,

and you've been very bad.

Now, eat these cookies !

[ Hank ] You keep talking and talking and talking about that night,

but I don't remember.

It's because she put a curse on you. She put a curse on both of us.

She made me the cripple that I am today.

Delilah is a witch. [ Hank ] My wife ?

Delilah ?

You can both go to doggy heaven for all I care !

[ Cackling ]

[ Cackling Continues ]

[ Hank ] I'm sorry, Frank. I should have believed you.

And now it's too late.

We came into this world together.

Now we're gonna die together. You were right all along.

I shouldn't have made you eat those cookies.

You were younger than me.

I shouldn't have done that to you.

It was 'cause I loved you.

I'm sorry, Frank.

I love you.

[ Groans ]

[ Delilah Cackling ]

[ Audience Applauding ]

[ Sam ] I'm sorry, man.

I fucked up. I thought I was gonna shit in my pants out there.

I really did.That's okay. Uh... thanks.

[ Chattering, Indistinct ]

[ Buck ] Hey.

Charlie, tell Buck what you thought of his play.

Charlie ?

We're having a cast party. You guys should stay.

Well, are you sure you can't stay for a minute ?

Hey, we did it.

[ Carlyn ] I need to know what's going on. There's nothing going on.

There's something going on.You're the one who felt sorry for him.

I told you, he's fucking crazy. [ Starts Engine ]

[ Car Departs ]

Barry liked the play,

and he's asked me to direct Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in February.

Isn't that great ?

We're taking off now. And congratulations.

[ Buck ] See ya.Good work, Sam.

You made it out alive.

Good night, guys.

My friend came.

He didn't like it.

[ Sam ] I'm sure he liked it.

Ah, what does he know ?

[ Sam ] You like this place ? [ Buck ] Yeah.

You should move in across the hall.

My fuckin' bitch neighbor-- She just moved out.

This chick was from hell, man.

I couldn't play my music. I couldn't party in the hall.

One day she couldn't take it anymore.

She just starts crying, calling me an asshole.

Anyway, she moved out.

♪♪ [ Stereo ]

Don't mess with Sam.

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪ Oh, I don't see you and it's getting dark ♪

♪ Today we should have gone to Central Park ♪

♪ Well, don't you want to see me ever again ♪

♪ If not, I'll meet you on the astral plane ♪

♪ The astral plane for a night ♪

♪ The astral plane

♪ Or I'll go insane

♪ We've known each other from other lives ♪[ Sighs ]

♪ I want to see you today

♪ But I'll prove my knowledge of what's inside ♪

♪ When I intercept you on the astral plane ♪

♪ The astral plane for a night ♪

♪ The astral plane [ Groans ]

♪ Or I'll go insane What the fuck ?

Oh, man... what was that ?

Uh, I was just--What was that, Buck ?

I was gonna sleep over.

Get out of here ! I didn't ask you to grab my cock ! Get the fuck out of here !

Ah... fuck.

♪♪ [ Woman Vocalizing ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪ When we're together

♪ And I've got my friends by my side ♪

♪ When we're together

♪ There's nothing in the world that I'd hide ♪♪

When we were kids...

we did these things.

[ Carlyn ] What things ?

Sex things.

I know all about that.

Kids are kids.

They experiment. It's completely normal.

What happened wasn't normal.

You know, Buck, I'm worried about you.

You've lost your mother.

That's hard.

He started it.

He made me this way.

It was a long time ago.So ?

You need to let go. You have to create something new.

You want to act like I'm crazy, but the truth is...

I was here way before you...

and I know what you are.

You're like his house... or his car.

That's all.

Chuck and me--

He's all I have.You don't have him.

Buck, I'm gonna give you the number of my therapist.

She can recommend someone for you.

I want you to get help.

[ Man ] Nine Iron fills seats.

It's the other thing we're worried about. [ Man #2 ] Freudian.

Freudian's a great band. Come on.

If we could get Nine Iron for the L.A. shows,

we would be happy to work something with Freudian.

How many shows is that ? It's two shows. Two shows.

Right. It's in town.

It's gonna be really good for us.

And then, maybe, if we give you San Francisco--

We're leaning really far on this.

Um, can you guys hold on a minute ?

Sure.I'll be right back.

You followed me here, didn't you ?

I have some things to say to you.

I don't give a shit. Now, I've got some promoters here.

I don't have time for you; not now, not ever.

Well, if you want me to leave you alone, then you'll listen to me for a few minutes.

I have some things to say.

What the fuck was that yesterday ? Was that some kind of joke ?

Jesus, Buck, you need help.

You want to order something ?

No ! I have people here.

I told you that. Didn't you hear me ?

After I'm finished with them, I'll have one drink with you,

and you can tell me whatever the fuck it is you have to say.

Jesus, Buck.

[ Men Talking, Indistinct ] [ Charlie ] All right, man.

Thanks for the drinks.All right, Charlie.

[ Charlie ] Good to see you. I met a friend, so I'm gonna have to hang with him.

[ Sighs ]

[ Waitress ] What can I get you ? Anothermartini.

A rum and Coke.Okay.

So, talk.

I... I know that things have changed.

I know that... things can't be the way they were.

"The way they were" ? We were 11 years old.

You act like it's weird that I've changed...

like it's some freak occurrence...

that I don't want to climb trees with you all day.

- People don't change. - Yes, they do. They do, Buck.

Maybe not you, but everybody else.

It's like you've been trapped in some time capsule.

Why ? What are you afraid of ?

[ Sighs ]

Right now...

when it's just you and me here...

it's like... I'm okay.

I know you.

It was me and you.

And all this other stuff...

makes me feel... dead.

And I don't want to feel dead.

[ Charlie ] Thanks.

[ Sighs ] You want me to go away ?

Well then, come home with me tonight.

[ Sighs ]

This one night,

and then--

I don't know.

You'll never hear from me again.

[ Closes Door ]

[ Doorknob Turns ]

You know, I, um... I gotta go.

[ Laughing ]

What's so funny ?

Chuck and Buck and suck and fuck and Chuck...

and yuck and muck and fuck and--

[ Continues Laughing ]

[ Laughing Continues ]

Do you remember me ?

Yeah, I remember you.

I remember everything.

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs Deeply ]

Buck.

Turn that off.

I'm gonna go home now.

I don't want you to go.

We had a deal.

Okay ?

You've got to grow up.

Like you ?

I'm trying, you know ?

There's somebody else in my life now.

Good-bye, Buck.

[ Jingles Keys ]

[ Beverly ] Hey, Buck.

Buck, what's wrong ?

[ Sobs ] There's no love for me.

Not anymore.

[ Crying ]Yes, there is.

[ Continues Crying ]Yes, there is.

I like Coke.

I miss my mom.

[ Sighs Deeply ]

I'm afraid of a lot of things, you know ?

I am too.You are ?

Lots of things. I'm a mess.

[ Knocking ]

Hey.

Uh, I just wanted to come by and, um...

say I'm sorry.

What, do you want to hump me or something ?

[ Sighs ] No.

I'm just-- I'm just sorry.

Don't ever do that to me again 'cause I don't want to hump you.

Yeah, okay.

[ Sam ] You know what I think ?

I think you gotta move in across the hall.

I don't want some bitch movin' in that's gonna get up my ass.

I need somebody in there like you:

someone who's gonna let me be me and let me do my shit, you know ?

Should I really ?Yeah, why not ?

I don't want some bitch moving in there.

[ Beverly ] Good job, guys. Take a break.

Yes, very nice.

How are you guys doing ? Good.Good.

[ Beverly Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Mover ] So, where do you want this ?

Yeah, right there is okay.

[ Man ] I just want to say, basically, thank you.

Thank you. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang'sa hit.

I think it's going to go on and on, and I wanted to thank you, Beverly, very much.

Well, I'm glad that the board is happy and that the theater is doing fine...

and that the whole season is all locked up now.

But I-I'd like to see us try something meatier.

Does it always have to be children's theater ?

No, of course not. I mean, I'd like to get my hands...

on an Ibsen or a Chekhov.

I don't know. Something more intense.

You know what I mean, Barry.

I'll take the white one. He'll take the chocolate.

[ Barry ] Let's see how you do with it. Just do Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Just keep it in the back of your mind. It's in the front of my mind.

Here's to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Hey, Jake.Hey, Buck.

Hey, guys.Hi.Hi. Hi.

[ Beverly ] Okay. Yeah. Hold on.

Buck, a letter came for you.

Well, I'm sure that those changes will make a difference.

Okay, all right. I'll talk to you later. [ Hangs Up Receiver ]

[ Opening Envelope ]

[ Beverly ] What is it ?

It's an invitation to a wedding.

Oh ? Who's getting married ?

This guy I know.

[ Sam ] Look at you. What the fuck ?

Uh, I'm going to a wedding.

Man, you look great.Thanks.

I'm gonna be late.All right. Why don't you stop by later ?

Okay. See you later.All right. Hey, can I borrow that jacket sometime ?

Uh... okay.All right.

♪♪ [ Woman Singing ]

[ Man ] Do you, Charles,

take Carlyn to be your lawful-wedded wife,

to love and to honor her from this day forward...

for as long as you both shall live ?

[ Charlie ] I do.

And do you, Carlyn, take Charles to be your lawful-wedded husband,

to have and to hold him from this day forward...

for as long as you both shall live ?

I do.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

[ Guests Cheering, Applauding ]

[ Guests Laughing, Cheering ]

♪♪

[ Guests Applauding ]

[ Applause Continues ]

Good cake.

I love wedding cake.

Yeah, it's sweet.

♪ I got freedom of the heart It's a brand-new start ♪

♪ I see the sun shining through the trees in the park ♪

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh

♪ And when we're together

♪ And I got my friend by my side ♪

♪ When we're together

♪ There's nothing in the world that I'd hide ♪

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪♪ [ Vocalizing ]

♪ Fun, fun, fun

♪ Yeah

♪ I got freedom of the heart It's a brand-new start ♪

♪ I see the sun shining through the trees in the park ♪

♪ Ah-ooh ♪

♪♪

Closed-Captioned By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles