Original subtitles

[spooky music ♪]

I can't find the translation for any of these hieroglyphs.

That's because you're focusing on the Fourth Dynasty,

while these particular glyphs are derived from Third Dynasty regional variants.

"So through these stones we summon down the powers of the gods."

Slow down, slow down.

Square on every level.

No more than .01% error in any of these walls.

As Napoleon himself exclaimed...

[speaking French]

And for 4,000 years, until just 100 years ago,

it stood as the tallest structure on Earth.

Look at those support stones along the edge.

If even one of these stones was but an inch out of alignment...

the entire Great Pyramid would come crashing down!

How did they do it?

How did these... primitives

unlock the majesty and mystery of trigonometry,

calculus...

engineering centuries ahead of their time?

The answer...

They reached past themselves

and they touched the divine,

summoned the Muse,

forged what is indeed the greatest

of the original Seven Wonders of the World! [music swells ♪]

[squeaking]

[sighs] Sorry.

Somebody spill a mocaccino?

Yeah, right over there.

Thanks.

Hey, Flynn, you wanna stop frikkin' posing and join the rest of the students?!

[stone thuds]

[applause] Whoo!

Bravo!

Well done!

I-I want to thank--

I want to thank you all for a great semester.

[applause]

And despite what the naysayers have been spouting,

Boo!

Yes.

We will show, for the first time,

at perfect 1/20th scale, using real Pyramid stones,

exactly what the Great Pyramid looked like,

complete with its missing capstone.

[applause] Right, right!

Let's go back to work. Shall we?

Well done.

Professor.

Yes?

I've been doing some thinking.

I think I might be more useful managing the translation team--

Yes, uh, alas, Flynn. Alas, Flynn.

You won't be continuing on with the Pyramid Project.

Sorry.

But, I'm your best student.

Ah, voilà! That's the problem.

You are my best student. You're everyone's best student.

You've never been anything but the best student.

Honestly Flynn, I'd be doing you a disservice to let you continue.

That's unfair and confusing.

You already have, what? Four degrees in Egyptology?

Flynn, do you really need a fifth?

I'm weak on the Second Dynasty,

and I'm relatively useless on the Sixth!

How many degrees do you have in total, Flynn?

- Not that many. - I checked your transcript.

You have 22!

Professor, school is what I know!

It's what I'm good at. It's where...

I feel most like myself.

You've been in this class with these kids for three months now.

Do you even know their names?

Of course I do! - Oh, come on!

That's insulting, of course-- Okay, I don't know anybody's name.

And the reason is because we all use nicknames.

Yes.

Hey!

Sweater Guy!

Freak.

Right back at ya!

You're a professional student, Flynn.

You're avoiding life. - Mm-hm.

And this is a serious problem that I will no longer enable.

Professor, I have a very full life. - Oh come on.

Don't give me that.

Have you ever been out of the city?

I mean, when was the last time that you went dancing or to a ball game?

Okay, wait a second now!

What is it exactly that you're doing to me here?! - You need to find a job,

Flynn!

To get some real life experiences.

Flynn, I've already spoken with the administration.

And I have signed off on your degree here. - No, no, no!

Congratulations.

[stammering] It's the middle of the semester!

Yes, it is.

I can't sign up for another program for six months! - Exactly.

No, no, no, please, no, don't. - Shh, shh!

All I wanna do is learn.

We never stop learning, Flynn. Never.

It's only where we learn that changes.

And it's about time you started doing it in the big, bad, real world.

Professor-- - Sink or swim.

Flynn. - Professor--

No more, look ahead. That way.

[whispering] No more.

Good luck.

Off you go.

[delicate piano music ♪]

Oh, my brilliant boy has returned from a long day of getting more brilliant.

Mom, please, not today.

[knock on door]

Come in.

More books.

These aren't just books.

It's Aristotle, Voltaire, Jung.

These books are slices of the ultimate truth

from the greatest thinkers of all time.

And they speak to me.

They speak to you?

Like nothing else.

Do they tell you to do bad things?

[sighs] I'm going out.

Do they tell you to set fires?

Don't listen to the books if they tell you to set fires

or to hurt small animals.

Oh.

Wait! Wait! Where are you going?!

Going to the bookstore.

[doorbell rings] Oh good, she's here.

Who? - She's a nice girl.

You'll just say hello.

No, and one more thing.

Don't do what you always do.

Uh... - Come in, come in.

Debra, Flynn.

Flynn, Debra.

You two look great together.

I'll leave you two kids alone.

Would you like to sit down?

No thanks.

Carbs.

How did my mom-- - Friends with my mom.

Oh.

They're so obsessed with getting us into relationships,

huh? - Yes! Exactly!

You'd think that we were just sitting in our houses locked in our rooms.

I know, right?

Um, so tell me, Debra, what do you do?

I'm a social worker.

Really?

Oh, well that's great.

Do you uh, do you work with kids, or old people or--?

No, no, convicted felons. - [coughs]

Killers mainly.

What do you do?

Actually...

I'm a student.

You've-You've been a college student your entire--

I like to learn! Is that a crime?

No! - I mean, so what?

I've spent most, if not all, of my adult life in school.

Maybe I have missed out on a couple "extra-curricular" activities.

That doesn't make me a freak, does it?

Of course not. I understand.

You do?

Sure. You like to learn.

Yes.

And you're in your thirties and you're still in school.

Exactly!

And you live with your mother and you're okay with that.

Yes!

No, no!

Wait.

I have to change my life.

I would.

[Margie] Anyone thirsty?

I-I wish I could stay, but I really have to get back to work.

You're going?

So soon?

It was nice meeting you all.

I hope things work out for you.

Thank you.

[exhales] Mom...

Will you please not do that anymore?

I just want my boy to find love.

Is that so terrible? - [chuckling] I will.

One day.

When it's right.

The things that make life worth living...

you know, they can't be thought... here.

They must be felt... here.

Maybe you don't know so much.

Assistant data processor.

Fry cook. [frustrated sigh]

Ow!

[crackling]

[woman's voice] "You have been selected to interview for a prestigious position

with the Metropolitan Public Library."

Now, how did you do that?

[bombastic music] [car horn blares]

[chatter]

[woman's voice echoes] Next!

Next!

[man] Never been treated so badly in my entire life.

[woman yelling] Next!!

Next!!

[stammering] I'm not making it.

[woman] Where do you think you're going?

Yes, you! Get in here!

[gasps] Wow.

[footsteps echo]

[chair squeaks]

What makes you think you could be the Librarian?

Well, I've read a lot of books? [laughs]

Don't try to be funny. I don't do funny.

I'm sorry.

What makes you think you could be the Librarian?

I know the Dewey Decimal System, Library of Congress,

research paper orthodoxy, web searching,

I could set up an RSS feed-- - Everybody knows that.

They're librarians.

What makes you think you're The Librarian?

I know... other stuff.

Mister...

Flynn Carsen.

Stop wasting my time.

Tell me something you know that nobody else who has walked in here could tell me.

[exhales]

You have mononucleosis.

Your marriage broke up two months ago.

You broke your nose when you were four,

and you live with three cats.

Is that what you had in mind?

Swollen parajugular lymph nodes and distended eyelids are clearly mono.

It takes about three months for an indentation

on the ring finger to completely disappear.

Yours is approximately two-thirds gone.

Your plastic surgeon gave you a terminus paralateral scar

which is usually only given to children under the age of six.

And I can clearly see three distinct types of cat hair.

A white Himalayan, a tortoiseshell and...

an orange-striped tabby.

I didn't break my nose till I was five.

[man's voice echoes] What's more important than knowledge?

Where did that come from?

Just answer the question.

More important than-- Um...

The things that make life worth living can't be thought here...

they must be felt here?

The interviews are over. Send everyone home.

[exhales]

Not you.

There will be a six-month trial period.

If you don't screw up...

then you will officially be the Librarian.

Until then, if you are one minute late,

I will dock your pay.

If you break anything, I will dock your pay.

Got it? - Yeah, could you just tell me what I said that was...

good so that I know for the next time.

[man] Mr. Carsen.

[chimes] There uh...

isn't going to be a next time, Mr. Carsen.

You are about to begin a wondrous adventure,

from which...

you will never be the same.

Welcome to the Library.

I'll show you where you'll be working.

[music swells ♪]

Um, I've never worked in a library before,

but isn't this a lot of security for some books?

This is the most secure place in the world.

Soon you'll see why.

"If we shadows have offended,

think but this,

and all is mended."

"That we have but slumber'd here,

whilst these visions did appear."

Very good.

Shakespeare.

A Midsummer Night's Dream.

[machinery whirs]

[laughs] [triumphant music ♪]

Isn't that what the Army does with nuclear weapons?

Where do you think the Army got the idea?

[beep]

You're about to see something that few men in the world have ever seen.

[beep]

It's two-and-a-half cubits in length.

Setim wood. Gold overlay.

That is an exact replica of the Ark of the Covenant.

It's not a replica.

[laughs]

Don't...

touch it or you'll be electrocuted.

Or as they used to say, "smote down. "

Am I on TV?

Is this one of those hidden-camera shows?

Trust me, Flynn, this, this is your destiny.

You are now the guardian of all these great treasures.

Bah!

What's hanging in the Louvre?

Well, you don't really think we'd let the real one

hang in a public museum? - [chuckles]

We are very careful...

about who we allow to be the Librarian.

There are those who would kill...

[bubbling sounds]

[scream]

This box once belonged to a girl named Pandora.

She opened it one day and...

and evil controlled the land for 1000 years.

So I think it's best not... [clears throat]

not to repeat her mistake.

This is all impossible.

Cell phone?

You uh, you talk in here.

And someone far away hears you.

No-No wires.

Impossible.

Even 20 years ago, this would've belonged in the Library.

Three-hundred years ago, you would've been burned at the stake for it.

Some of the items in the Library

violate the known laws of science.

But that is only because our brains are so small,

we haven't come up with laws to explain them.

[cell phone beeps]

Oh!

This cannot actually be Excalibur.

Only the worthy can release the sword from the stone.

Try it. - No, no, no.

Not worthy, trust me.

How do you know if you don't try it?

Um, because I'm still not exactly sure

why it is that you chose me.

We scour the educational system,

both public and private, from 100 countries.

We read essays, doctoral theses...

We even read those accursed online blogs.

Ah! So there's a system.

Oh, there's a system for finding candidates.

When it comes to choosing the Librarian...

well, that... [goose honking]

has an odd kind of way of working itself out.

Flynn, you've been studying all your life.

This is why.

[snake hissing]

The apple from the Garden of Eden.

No, actually this is an apple I left here couple days ago.

[laughing]

This is incredible!

Oh my goodness!

I cannot wait to tell my mom about this.

I mean, she is going to--

You are now part of a very special community.

The secret of the Library

has been kept for thousands of years.

The sword is floating.

Neck.

Help.

You cannot tell anyone anything about this.

The Librarians are the only ones who know

that this even exists.

Give Flynn some time.

You'll like him.

[sword whooshes]

[music swells ♪]

I got it, I got it, I got it!

[crash]

[unicorn nickers]

[machine powering down, crackling]

[Flynn coughing]

It usually take a new Librarian four hours to

fire up the jet pack.

You did it in three.

Congratulations.

The Holy Grail.

I broke the Holy Grail?!

I broke the Holy Grail on my first day?!

Did you?

Yeah, it takes a bit more than a

knock to the floor to destroy a legend.

I believe in you, Flynn.

I think there's a possibility that you could be a...

great Librarian. As great as the...

As Eldred the Truly Wonderful.

[whispering] Eldred the Truly Wonderful.

Well, I would settle for Flynn the Not-So-Embarrassing.

Flynn the Rather Pleasant at Parties.

Edward Wilde.

He-- Oh, he must've been the last Librarian.

Yes. Yes, he was.

God-- God rest his soul.

[keys jingle]

Hey!

My boy has a job!

Let's celebrate!

Oh, I made your favorite cake!

[laughing] You shouldn't've done that.

This is a big day. Now tell me...

Tell me about your new job.

Sixteen years of college, all those fancy degrees...

What are you doing?

Librarian.

Librarian?

Mom, I have finally found my place.

Sixteen years of college and...

you're putting books on shelves.

[laughing] Well, there's a little bit more to it than that.

In fact, I'm not exactly allowed to say exactly how much

more to it there is than that. But if you knew...

Mom...

You would be so proud of me.

I am proud of you.

Now go get yourself a big piece of cake.

[chuckles excitedly]

[sighs]

[thud]

Everything went exactly as you said.

After all that, you gonna tell us what we stole?

The realization of a 5,000 year old dream.

7:01.

You're late. You're gonna have to dock your own pay.

[door buzzes]

Coffee?

Oh, I hate a kiss-ass.

Why is this door open?

Oh, my--

[groans]

You alright? - Oh!

I think he's up.

The surveillance tape.

[beep]

They knew about the fail-safe.

They only had time to take one item.

They...

took the Spear of Destiny.

Do you know about the Spear of Destiny?

Uh, it's the spear that...

supposedly pierced the side of Jesus on the cross.

An ancient talisman reported to have mystical powers.

Whoever controls the Spear, controls the fate of the...

world.

World.

For thousands of years, whoever had the Spear,

from Charlemagne to Napoleon, became the greatest conqueror

in the world.

Well, that's just a fragment of the Spear.

The Spear was too powerful to remain intact.

But since you can never completely destroy the Spear,

the Librarian, hundreds of years ago,

broke it into three pieces and scattered the three pieces

in secret places around the world.

Well, with the Spear all broken up,

it can't still be a threat, can it?

Hitler had only one piece.

One can only imagine how powerful...

all three are. [gasp]

Confrérie du Serpent.

Serpent Brotherhood.

Serpent Brotherhood?

What, do these guys play a lot of Dungeons & Dragons?

They were a splinter group back when the Library was in Alexandria in ancient times.

They were scholars, too, but they wished to use the powers of the artifacts to rule.

They-They got their name from the serpent that brought knowledge to Adam and Eve.

Disagreement led to hatred, hatred led to a secret war.

In fact, it was they who incited the riot

that led to the destruction of the first Library.

Well, then we better call the police.

Oh, yeah, call the police.

Tell them about the Spear of Destiny,

the Golden Goose, the Lost Ark.

Enjoy your stay in the psych ward.

I understand Thorazine comes in vanilla now. - Right.

Nobody can understand the mysteries of the Library

tradition unless they experience it.

You are the only one who can bring the Spear piece back.

No!

[laughing] No, no, no.

No, there's gotta be somebody more qualified.

Flynn, you are the only one for the task.

You are the only one on Earth for the task.

Um... - Look at it this way...

if you come back, you'll be a hero.

Well, that sounds very...

If I come back? - Things aren't as bad as they look.

Now when she says, "if I come back,"

what I'm hearing is that I'm not coming back.

And I don't wanna go if I can't come back.

They didn't take the book.

If you ever wanna hide something,

hide it in plain sight.

This book contains all the clues you'll need

to locate the other two pieces of the Spear.

The only thing that I know for certain is that the...

the second piece is somewhere in the Amazon jungle.

Well, good, that narrows it down to about um...

three million square miles.

Okay! Time is money.

Come on.

Uh, is this...?

Is this the Language of the Birds?

Yes. Mankind's universal language.

That is, before God decided that man should speak many tongues...

after the Tower of Babel.

This has been a dead language for thousands of years.

I mean, there's nobody alive that even knows how to read it.

So you better get crackin'.

Um...

Even with the Rosetta Stone, it took...

hundreds of Egyptologists 17 years to decipher the Egyptian hieroglyphics.

Well, you have considerably less time.

Okay, uh, you know this is my first day,

and I don't even have a parking place.

I really think that you should have a parking place before

you get assigned to fight an evil conspiracy.

If the Serpent Brotherhood...

should ever get their hands on the three pieces,

trust me, it would be horrible.

But just remember one thing,

the most valuable object in the world is not here

in the Library.

It's right here.

The fate of the world is in my hands?

That is just so...

sad.

Oh God, help us all.

[music swells ♪]

Excuse me, can I help you, sir?

Your seat's back there.

Oh.

[general chatter]

[Judson's voice] Oh, one more thing.

I-I forgot to tell you.

Trust no one.

And guard the book with your life.

Anybody?

Nobody s--

The vowels are Akkadian,

but the consonants are both early Sumerian,

and Indian and Hebrew.

The genders are Sanskrit, the phonemes are Etruscan,

with certain semantic features of Viteliu.

Sorry, I was just thinking out loud.

[sensual jazz music ♪]

It was so sweet of you to let me watch takeoff from the cockpit,

but I really think I should take my uh, oh!

I was hoping to have the aisle seat.

One sec.

I'll come visit later. I promise.

Any time.

[chuckling]

Believe it or not, this is actually my uh...

first plane flight-- - Let's stop for a moment

and consider.

I am way out of your league.

Way out.

If your league were to explode,

I wouldn't hear the sound for another three days.

So for everybody's sakes, let's just enjoy a companionable silence.

[loud tear]

[airplane engine roars]

Whoo! I did it.

I did it... I did it, I just learned the--

I just learned the Language of the Birds.

Didn't even have a Rosetta Stone.

I just did it in...

seven hours and 26 minutes.

Sorry, sorry. Go back to being radiant.

The Golden Ratio.

The Golden Ratio-- - You're about to say that the ratio of 1.618:1

has been proven to be the key to everything in nature

that we find beautiful

and that my face is the most perfect example you've ever seen of that ratio.

How could you possibly know that?

Because every geek I've ever met has tried to hand me that line.

I'd love for you to join us in the cabin,

to see the sunrise over the Amazon.

Of course you would.

I would--

[mocking her British accent] "Of course you would."

Of course you would.

[pilot over intercom] We're at 11,000 feet

and starting our descent.

Excuse me. Um...

We have a problem. Are you the air marshal?

Yes, I am.

[thud] Ow!

That's the Librarian?

Don't underestimate him.

Sorry, I just need to get past you. I need to use the bathroom.

Hey.

Hey.

Again, not impressed.

Who are you?! - Would love to talk...

but really don't have the time.

Who are you?! - The woman who's trying to save your pitiful life.

Get him! Get him!

What are you doing? [electricity crackling]

We're going out.

Whoa!

Don't tell me you're afraid of heights!

It's just that I know that the odds...

of an untrained guy like me

surviving a jump from 11,000 feet

is 7 to 2 against.

[Flynn yelling]

What are your odds now?!

He brilliantly lowers our expectations and then jumps without a chute!

Remarkable!

Whoa!

[Nicole] Don't look down.

[Flynn] I think I'm gonna be sick.

Who the hell are you?!

Don't get your knickers in a twist, Carsen.

Judson told me to look out for you.

Well, Judson told me to trust no one.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I'm Nicole Noone.

"No one."

Didn't they tell you to expect me?

No. Nobody told me anything.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Really? [phone beeps]

No, no calls!

They'll use the signal to triangulate our location.

Well, that's against the law.

They just tried to kill you.

You honestly think they care about breaking phone-tapping regulations?

They didn't just try to kill me.

They just wanted to inject me with Sodium Pentothal so I'd tell them where I hid the--

book.

Who'd have thunk it?

You know, if you really wanna hide something...

you do it in plain sight.

How did you get that on the airplane?

Me, they confiscated my nose hair clipper.

Where the hell are we?

I have no idea.

Well, you're the brains of the operation.

You figure it out.

Oh, you think I can't? [insects buzzing]

I could just climb that tree right there.

In a matter of seconds, I can tell us exactly where we are.

Well, I'm not stopping you.

That tree.

[Nicole giggling]

[thud] Oh!

Do you need a hand?

I'm fine.

You go get 'em, monkey boy.

[Flynn straining]

Oh wow!

Let's hear it, genius.

Alright.

[yells]

Okay.

Well!

That...

is an extremely rare blue condor.

Found only within a 100-mile radius of the Amazon's Purus tributary.

The only mountaintop tall enough to have a snowcap

this time of year in that radius is Mount Porto Velho.

We are at minus 5.2 degrees latitude

and minus 64.6 degrees longitude.

English?

We need to go 24.7 miles...

that way.

Isn't this--?

So how'd you do that?

Oh...

Just your basic geography.

Biology.

Botany.

That, and I memorized the Earth.

You're kidding, right?

You need to get out more!

Yeah, people keep telling me that.

[monkey shrieks]

[machete chopping]

You always travel with a machete? - I'm well-prepared.

That, or maybe you're a violent sociopath.

You say the sweetest things.

How many miles have we walked anyway?

Five? Ten?

Maybe one. - Hello!

Another person here. A little consideration, please.

[thud] Ah!

Hey!

Unknown plant phylum.

Can't believe it.

If you're nice, I'll name it after you.

Be still, my heart.

Ficus Narcissus.

Hey!

You're supposed to be the best tracker in the Amazon.

Get tracking.

See, anything is possible in the world of books.

I guess that makes me a dreamer.

My mother said that my father was a dreamer.

He died when I was little.

I guess I've subconsciously

tried to make up for his absence by--

Hey!

By behaving like him as much as I possibly could.

[laughs]

I can't believe I never made that realization before!

Sorry, did you say something, cupcake?

I just figure that since we're gonna be spending so much time together, we might as well...

get to know each other a little bit.

You seem like the observant type.

I like to think so. [bird chirps]

Then you must've observed that I'm not the type who's suddenly gonna open up to you.

How long have you worked for the Library?

And yet you keep trying.

I just want to get to know the Nicole below the surface arrogance.

Peel back the layers.

What do you think's below the surface arrogance?

More arrogance.

And then perhaps a few delicious layers of flaky disdain...

all around a creamy sweet center of homicidal rage.

What do I have to do to get you to shut up?

Okay, I won't ask you any more questions.

So how long have you worked for the Library? - Oh!

Five years. - Well, do these...

jumping-out-of-airplane- jungle-adventure things happen to you often?

Uh-huh.

What happened to the last Librarian?

You don't need to know about me.

I don't need to know about you.

We just need to work together.

So...

nothing good, then.

It's the only way across.

There is no way!

Look.

The support beams, they're all decomposed.

This wood is completely rotted.

There is no way that this bridge can structurally support our weight.

Nicole!

Nicole!

Take a chance, big boy!

Ah!

Don't look down.

[boards creak]

Why?

Why do I always do that?

Focus on something else.

You must have a girlfriend, right?

Big glasses, dirndl skirt?

Makes you watch a lot of subtitled documentaries.

I'm between girlfriends at the moment.

I had the feeling.

Have you figured out exactly where the second piece is yet?

Uh...

You know, most of the clues are pretty self-explanatory.

Except for this one.

To get inside...

you must know the time it takes a bird to become a bird again.

Got any idea what that means?

You, brains. Me, brawn.

I cannot believe that I was wrong about this bridge!

I really didn't think that this would support our--

[yells] - Flynn!

Flynn! Flynn!

Take my hand!

Reach. Reach for my hand!

Go on, that's it. [Flynn straining]

Keep coming. That's it, go on!

Keep reaching. There you go.

Well, I hope you're having fun.

Actually, I am.

That wasn't so bad, was it?

[bridge creaking]

Run! - I told you!

I told you this bridge couldn't possibly support our weight!

Less talk! More running!

Jump!

Wow!

What do you do for fun?

I can kill a man 57 different ways.

Yeah, That's good. Let that out...

that sensitive soul inside of you that's yearning to be free.

You may know everything in the world, but you have no idea what sets my soul free.

Really?

To get inside...

you must know the time it takes a bird to become a bird again.

Time it takes a bird to become a bird again.

Bird, bird, bird.

That's gotta be some kind of metaphor.

Usually the bird stands for reaching some sort of

unattainable height like a mountain or...

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Maybe I'm not as smart as I thought I was.

Nobody talks about the Librarian like that. Not even the Librarian.

Okay...

Um, hey...

Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any toilet paper anywhere...

on your body, would you?

Knock yourself out.

[insects chirping]

Psst! Nicole, come here.

Serpent Brotherhood. - Do you think they saw us?

No, but just to be safe. - Should we go, or are we staying?

They wouldn't dare make that climb till morning.

You can go to the bathroom.

Lost the urge.

Chilly without that fire.

Wind-chill factor.

Yeah...

We're gonna have to do something pretty desperate to keep warm.

This is where you tell me the only way we'll survive

is if we huddle together for body warmth.

Well, if you insist. - Ha!

Body warmth only. Got it? - Got it.

That's Sheliak and...

Terebellum, Cassiopeia.

Don't tell me you memorized the universe.

Well, the known universe. - [Nicole laughs]

Nicole. - Uh-huh?

What happened to the last Librarian?

He died.

End of story.

I'm not very good at remembering details.

You're the type that remembers everything.

You don't know anything about me.

Oh no? You're the youngest of three siblings

and the only girl.

Your mother's English, your father's South American, Argentinean,

but you never...

You never bothered to learn Spanish.

You never had any pets.

Your favorite stone is jade.

And you wish more than anything that you could forget half of what you've seen.

But you can't.

Well, I could do the same thing about you.

Be my guest.

Nerd.

Fair enough.

The last Librarian.

Edward Wilde.

Edward was, um, charming.

Handsome. Absolutely brilliant.

We spent two years working together.

Two incredible years. - [chuckles]

But he wasn't just smart. He was generous.

Kind.

He could look into your eyes and see right into your soul.

And I did the one thing I'm not supposed to do on this job.

I fell in love with him.

And because of that, he's dead.

We were in the Antarctic.

We were sleeping in an igloo that he built.

When I woke up in the morning, he wasn't there.

And I ran outside just in time

to see the Serpent Brotherhood cutting off his head.

I had one job.

Protect the Librarian and I failed.

[rapid footsteps]

We're surrounded.

I don't see anybody. Oh, them.

There have been rumors

of headhunters operating in this area.

Now is not the time to panic.

Tell that to him.

You need to talk to them.

What language are they speaking?

I can't quite make out their dialect.

It seems to have elements of the Kugapakori,

with a little syntax of the Yanomanis

and maybe even the Amahuacas.

[scoffs]

You push me one more time with that thing and I swear--

Don't piss them off. That's not a good idea.

[speaking Portuguese]

♪ ♪

[speaking Portuguese]

[speaking Portuguese]

[crowd ahhs]

It was just Portuguese. I was over-thinking it.

♪ ♪

Oh, they're doing a mongo dance.

I did a, uh, master's thesis on native mating rituals.

This is a huge honor for us.

[conversing in Portuguese]

Hmm.

It, uh, appears that they think that we're some kind of couple.

Well, we wouldn't want to offend them.

So...

... I'll sleep over there. - Bingo.

[knife slashes]

What? What does that look mean?

Nothing.

It's not your fault. The last Librarian.

I mean, we're human beings.

We can't, uh, control who we fall in love with.

Look, you have done a great job

keeping me alive and I know that hasn't been easy.

I appreciate that.

Uh, what is that?

Please tell me you forgot to take your medication.

Admit it.

It's getting you a little hot, isn't it?

No, that's not exactly the word I'd use.

You know, these mating rituals,

they look a little ridiculous

but these natives really know their stuff.

[bells ringing] Over there. Now! Go.

Come on. Pretend it's not getting to you a little bit.

Goodnight, Flynn!

[crickets chirping]

Goodnight, Nicole.

Oh, yeah. She wants me.

[Nicole laughing]

Goodnight!

[sighs]

[birds chirping]

[distant chatter]

[creaking]

Flynn?

Where's the funny guy I was with?

Hey. [speaking Portuguese]

[speaking Portuguese]

Ah. [chuckles]

[exaggerated exhale]

♪ ♪

They are here.

Flynn!

Move! Come on!

[gunshots]

[Nicole] Move!

This way, through the hut. The book.

[natives yelling in Portuguese]

Move.

[adventure music ♪]

[Nicole] Flynn, run!

Right behind you.

Go!

Flynn, come on, stop looking back.

Move! - Nicole, wait!

Bad guys chasing behind us.

[gasps]

[slap lands]

Don't you ever leave my sight again.

Do you understand? - What is this?

Slap-A-Librarian-Day? Oh, I get it.

You were being professional.

It isn't as if you genuinely care for me or anything.

- Shut up. - Why are you smiling?

I don't like it when you smile.

It means you're about to do something incredibly dangerous.

So you know me so well. Don't look down!

[both screaming]

[gasps]

Oh, did you see that? That Librarian is incredible.

Flynn!

Flynn, take my hand.

[yells]

[yells]

[both screaming]

Flynn!

- Nicole! Nicole! - I got you.

[Flynn gasping]

According to the book,

we take this river and follow the sun until it ends.

[elongates] And... I do believe the sun has ended.

[gasping, groans]

Now we're close.

All we have to do, is walk the circumference of the Earth,

divided by the length of the Fortress of Ollantaytambo.

[mumbles]

How are we going to figure that out?

Seven hundred and ninety-two yards.

That way. One.

Two. Three. Four. - Five, six.

Seven hundred and ninety. Seven hundred and ninety-one.

Seven hundred and ninety-two.

There's nothing. You must've got something wrong.

I don't get facts wrong. It's everything else I screw up.

[laughs]

When the Toltecs invaded Chichén Itzá,

it was rumored that a group of Mayan priests

fled Mexico with their entire treasure.

As the story goes,

they built a Mayan temple

deep in the Amazon jungle to hide the treasure.

Never to be heard from again.

[triumphant music ♪]

[Nicole] So how do we get inside, genius?

Those are Mayan numbers.

Mayan priests were obsessed with numbers.

Oh. You'd fit right in.

- [mutters] - [grunts]

...sign. You must know the time it takes...

The Procession! - Yay! What is that?

That's the time it takes the constellations.

With the Mayans, called "the birds of Heaven"

to make a complete revolution around the galaxy.

- Huh. - 25,765 years.

The Mayans were the first to discover it.

All right. 25,000.

[scrapes]

700.

[scrapes]

[sighs] 65.

[scrapes]

Watch out!

[grunts]

[both scream, grunts]

[coughs]

Ow.

[groans]

Where are we? - I am not sure.

[breathing heavily]

We are in a Mayan death chamber.

Escape is granted only to those

who can solve the secret of the room.

Yup.

The only way out is that doorway on the other side.

Okay. So, how do we get to that door?

That's the secret.

[rock scraping]

That's not good.

Okay, we have to figure out a way to get to that doorway

on the other side before that wall pushes us to that abyss.

- [sarcastic] Oh, really? - Yup.

Any clues in that book of yours?

No, no, no. Okay, we're on our own.

- So, now? - Uh, not sure.

Well, now would be a damn good time

to come up with something brilliant.

Oh, sure. I just figured it out.

That is why you're on the mission, after all. - Focus.

Big mission. Fate of the world. - Uh. Uh. Nothing's coming to me!

Great. Choking just like I knew you would.

Hey! Oh, oh, I get it, reverse psychology.

Good, good. - No, not reverse psychology.

Anger, annoyance. - Okay, I got it!

This chamber is an exact

replica of their Great Temple of Teotihuacan.

Three hundred quahuitls by twenty... [mumbles]

There is a place in this chamber where all priests

achieve salvation no matter what and that place...

would be...

... there? - That's mid-air, Sherlock.

Um, do you trust me?

- You only live once. - Unless you believe in Buddhism...

- Oh, I hate you so much. - Ready?

[both] Aah!

[knocks on glass]

Optical illusion. Mirrors.

The, uh, Mayans were the first tribe

in the Americas to use them.

- Ah. - Good.

♪ ♪

Oh.

♪ ♪

There it is. There's the second piece.

No.

[whooshing]

Well, [stutters] it's an exact rhythm.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

Why does it sound so familiar? - It's called the Waltz.

We have to dance our way to the treasure.

[laughs]

I-I broke every toe

of every girl that I danced with at my high school prom.

Even my mother wouldn't dance with me.

You took your mother?

All right, all right, all right.

Don't, don't, don't. - Come on, we'll do it together.

It's easy, it's all in the hips and the butt.

[waltz music ♪] One, two, three.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three.

- No, no, no. - What?

[repeating] One, two, three. One, two, three.

One, two, three.

[both, repeating] One, two, three.

♪ ♪

Oh! [razors whizzing by]

Shouldn't I be the one dipping you?

Technically.

[breathing heavily]

[whistles]

[blows air]

You better have a damn good reason for doing that.

Yeah, well, these things are always booby-trapped.

[breaks]

- I'll do it. - No, I can do it.

I can do it. I can do it.

I just, forgot to factor in the... slope of the floor.

Whoa!

[mumbles]

♪ ♪

[Flynn] This means that all biblical history

has to be reevaluated.

Why don't you get the last piece of the Spear

and then you and Judson can have a lovely long chat

in Aramaic about all the history stuff

while I take a shower. [guns clicking]

I believe the phrase is "hands up."

Up.

I really admire your work.

I knew you'd bring me the piece, Nicole.

- Edward? - You're the last Librarian.

Wait a minute. You're dead.

- And yet here I stand. - I saw you die.

You saw an elaborate special effect.

Your tears were perfect.

I couldn't have planned it better myself.

So they really didn't cut off your head.

You're the Librarian?

But why?

Absolute power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

You remember how I loved a good aphrodisiac.

I'll kill you, you bastard.

Goodbye, Nicole. [gun clicks]

It really was nice to see you again.

[guns clicking]

- You can't kill her. - Why not?

Because you need me to find the last piece.

And I won't do it without her.

I don't need you. I have this.

The Language of the Birds.

Nobody can read this.

Nobody except a real Librarian.

[speaking Bird]

In the Language of the Birds, that means you're up the creek.

And I've got the only paddle.

Tell me where the third piece is and I'll let her live.

- Don't tell him. - It's in Shangri-La.

Don't screw with me. That's a legend.

Shangri-La is in Mount Kailas.

In the Himalayas. - Idiot.

Excuse me for trying to save your life, again.

The Spear is more important than my life.

He's not gonna get anywhere near that spear.

Unless I interpret the clues in that book.

♪ ♪

That's Mount Kailas. Where's your Shangri-La?

We can't find it from the air.

All the clues are on the ground.

Lars. We're gonna have to climb.

Get ready to take her down.

At least you didn't fail at your job.

He's still alive.

No, he just faked his own death and became head

of the very evil organization we've been fighting.

That's much better.

♪ ♪

[wind howling]

It's this way.

[screams] Flynn!

No!

I got you.

Hold on.

Nicole!

Come on!

[grunts]

Not on my watch.

[grunts]

You're leading me on a wild goose chase.

I should kill you myself.

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

Welcome.

It's been long prophesied that you would come today.

We want the Spear piece.

[guns clicking]

[gongs, chanting]

- It is hidden inside. - Open it.

We are the mere keepers. We have no idea how to open it.

Well, fortunately, he does.

Get the Spear piece, or I blow her brains out.

- Uh, this can't be right. - What?

Well, it says that this can

only be opened with the name of God.

So?

So, the name of God is only the biggest secret in the world!

For 4,000 years people have been trying to figure it out.

You expect me to come up with it in 15 seconds?

♪ ♪

[chuckles]

M. E.

Me.

God is within us all.

[triumphant music ♪]

[sighs]

Go ahead. Take it.

No.

No.

You take it.

Problem?

No.

Lars, fly up here now. Track my signal.

It's about time.

[gong sounds]

[grunts] [punches landing]

[gun clicking]

I want the Spear piece, Nicole. - A man in Hell wants ice water.

Doesn't mean he's gonna get it. [yells out]

Wait. Get back.

Get the Spear, get the Spear.

Hold on, we have to get the Spear piece.

You want to hide something, you do it in plain sight.

Guard it well.

The Spear opens a door that must be kept closed.

- Come, come. - Hurry, hurry.

Hey!

Flynn, you have to fly this thing.

Okay.

No problem.

Main principles are on the lift, and thrust... easy as pie.

[both] Whoa!

Horrible!

Horrible high-velocity pie of death!

[both screaming]

Ah, I've seen worse.

[bell chimes] [Judson clears throat]

Mr. Carsen. - Hey.

Judson.

You and everyone at the Library can completely relax.

We have the third piece of the Spear, and it is right...

... right here, completely safe. - Good work.

I-I still can't believe

that Wilde joined the Serpent Brotherhood.

He was a fine Librarian.

Thank goodness we have a-a better one now.

You-you better get the door.

[knocking] [bell chimes]

Someday he's gonna have to tell me how he does that.

Um, excuse me.

But, uh, I didn't order any champagne.

♪ ♪

But I did.

[cork pops]

[jazz music ♪]

You're not the incredible pansy I thought you were.

And you're not the raving psychopath

I originally thought that you were.

- Huh? - But you are.

But in a good way. - [chuckles]

What's wrong?

You're smiling.

You must have read books on how to make love.

- Hundreds. - Uh-huh.

[cell phone ringing]

[phone beeps]

Flynn's busy. He'll call you back.

A woman just answered my son's telephone.

A woman just answered my son's telephone!

Yes! Yes!

♪ ♪

[snorts]

Nicole?

[elevator dings]

[speaking Mongolian]

What's the matter?

Haven't you guys ever seen a naked guy in a sheet before?

- Is something wrong, Flynn? - Oh!

Nicole is missing and so is the Spear.

Serpent Brotherhood may have taken her, or--

Or?

Or she may have been in cahoots with Wilde all along.

Cahoots. I've been cahooted.

All right, all right, all-all is not lost.

It took a great power to sunder the Spear.

It'll take even more to fuse the pieces together again.

How much?

Well, strip the mysticism aside,

and you'll need a-a local electromagnetic field

registering over 15 on the-on the Schumm scale.

Okay. Good.

The only time that kind of energy ever been's registered

was during a peak full moon

at the Great Pyramid when it had its capstone.

And the Egyptian government refuses to replace the...

... capstone.

♪ ♪

The next peak full moon is tomorrow night.

Call the Marines, Judson.

I'm coming home.

Clothes. I need clothes.

♪ ♪

[grunts, groans]

Flynn.

We, uh, we can get in through the ventilation system.

[exhales] Where are the Marines?

Semper fi.

You were a Marine? Good.

Wonderful.

Well, now, let's, uh, let's get that spear back.

♪ ♪

Well, well, well. Professor Harris.

I should've known he was evil. He gave me an A-minus.

Serpent Brothers, our dream comes true tonight.

[crowd chanting]

Doesn't that guy ever die?

[groans]

Well, there doesn't seem to be much cahooting going on now.

We call down the power of the gods.

The ancient ones.

[thunder rumbling]

[triumphant music ♪]

Snake! Snake!

Snake! Snake!

Come on.

This house.

A gateway to eternal life.

This weapon, with the blood of one who defied death.

I claim power of life and death.

[groans]

[exhales] I can't do this alone.

Well, you got me, you know.

Well, no offense, Judson, but you're--

[groans]

A bad mother.

Well, I was a Librarian too, you know.

[whooshing]

Oh, yes. I feel the power.

The power of life. And the power of death!

[pained groaning]

♪ ♪

At last, Nicole. We can be one.

[groans]

Kill them.

[handcuffs clicking]

Ha, Houdini, Prague, 1926.

We have to get the Spear back to the Library.

[yells]

Get the Spear away from Wilde. Before he gets too powerful.

There's no way I'm going to let you--

You broke my nose. How dare you, Flynn.

Yeah, I did what you said.

Learned a few things in the big, bad real world.

[gun clicks]

It doesn't have to be this way.

We're gonna rule the world. We could be together.

Get your own geek.

♪ ♪

You're too late, Flynn. The power of the Spear is mine.

You're the best they could come up with?

You're pathetic.

♪ ♪

You're too clumsy to even die properly.

You say that now, but I danced with your girl!

[whooshing]

♪ ♪

Die assured that the Librarian

will be in far more capable hands.

Mine.

You keep your grubby hands to yourself.

[groans]

Anyone else want a piece of me?

[groaning]

Goodbye, Librarian.

If even one of the support stones

are off even by an inch, the whole pyramid collapses.

I'd say this was out of alignment.

- I will destroy you. - You never will.

Know why?

Because the things that make

life worth living can't be thought here.

They must be felt here.

♪ ♪

I believe this belongs to the Library.

♪ ♪

Left, left, left, left, left. Small steps, small steps.

What are you guys doing?

Okay, okay.

♪ ♪

I hope you saved receipts.

Flynn is a librarian now,

but he's capable of so much more.

He just needs the right woman to push him.

Mom, you don't understand.

Being a Librarian is actually a pretty cool job.

And you don't need to keep trying to fix me up.

I told you that. - The mysterious Nicole.

Hmm, she's never quite around to meet the mother.

Well, it's complicated.

[motorcycle revs]

♪ ♪

Hey, handsome.

Nicole, this is my mother.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Carsen.

No, no, the pleasure is mine.

The Deadly Scorpion League has found H.G. Wells' time machine.

We're the only ones who can get it back.

Deadly Scorpion League.

What is it with these bad guys

and insect names for their cults?

Mom, I gotta get goin'. See you soon.

You're smiling. Why are you smiling?

There's a dozen time-traveling ninjas out to kill us.

- Psychopath. - Nerd.

Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[adventure music ♪]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[lightning strikes, sizzles]