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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:06,423 [ Static ] 2 00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:10,427 ♪♪ 3 00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:14,264 ♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪ 4 00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:18,268 ♪ Sometime I wish the sun would just explode ♪ 5 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:22,147 ♪ When God comes and calls me to His kingdom ♪ 6 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:26,609 ♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪ 7 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:30,947 ♪ Let it blow ♪ 8 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:31,990 My turn. 9 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:33,408 Hell no. Hey, man, let me drive 10 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,827 that thing, come on! Do not touch the trim! 11 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:41,499 Four whores and seven beers ago, 12 00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:45,462 I, Abraham Lincoln, hereby surrender to the South. 13 00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,755 I can't compete 14 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,632 with their tenacious battlefield superiority. 15 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:53,636 Slave chains? How is this "foto fun"? 16 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,888 Aw, here we go. 17 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:56,473 Jabba the Hutt has slaves. 18 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,517 But when the South does it, everyone loses their damn mind. 19 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,311 No. That's it. I'm out. 20 00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:04,522 -Aw, come on, Tammi. -It was a states'-rights issue. 21 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,982 [ Bulb pops ] 22 00:01:06,065 --> 00:01:08,359 This is a good one of all three of us. 23 00:01:08,443 --> 00:01:10,111 Yeah. Quick. 24 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,822 [ Camera shutters clicking ] [ Clears throat ] 25 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:14,491 Now, you know, if these was in color 26 00:01:14,574 --> 00:01:16,826 I would have bought a picture and a mouse pad. 27 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:19,454 But don't make 'em so yellow next time. 28 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,748 [ Grunts ] No wonder these hats went out of style. 29 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,375 They too damn itchy! 30 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,839 Ooh! My tactical helmet's itchy as hell. 31 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,591 Sheriff: You know, that's funny. 32 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:34,135 My novelty poo emoji hat's itchy, too, 33 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,679 and I just won this thing over at the ring toss. 34 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:39,641 You don't think... we got lice, do you? 35 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:42,519 That's impossible. I don't have lice. 36 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,103 But I wouldn't put it past you. 37 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,022 Why me? I shampoo every day! 38 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:47,482 Well I shampoo, too, 39 00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:51,194 and I haven't had human contact in over three years. 40 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,571 That's why I try to hug everybody all the time. 41 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,366 God, my mustache is itching like crazy. 42 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,202 Why is Randy home? 43 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:01,037 Lice outbreak at the school. 44 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,289 Kids were saying he brought it. What are you doing? 45 00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:04,707 I bought him that for his baptism! 46 00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,502 My baby did not bring lice to that school. 47 00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:09,879 Who do you think it was, then? 48 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,589 [ Grunting ] 49 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,675 These bristles ain't stiff enough! 50 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,344 That's why you gotta try before you buy. 51 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:20,890 Maybe you get you a new hat, it won't be so itchy for ya. 52 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,351 "GAWS"? What the hell is a "GAWS"? 53 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:24,894 I want a English hat! 54 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,354 Well, this one's a trip. 55 00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,439 Ugh! No! 56 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,483 Damn it! It's these damn slogans! 57 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:34,028 I must be having a reaction to these inferior hat slogans. 58 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,738 [ Grunting ] 59 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,156 [ Crowd shouting ] 60 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,492 Bobby: All right. Calm down, folks! 61 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:42,287 Only one shampoo per customer. 62 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:45,957 Lice combs and magnifying glasses are in aisle 19. 63 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,959 You need to do something about this, Sheriff. 64 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:50,211 Well, Glenn, what would you have me do? 65 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,671 Arrest the lice? 66 00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:54,757 I ain't got that many tiny handcuffs. [ Chuckles ] 67 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,510 Don't be an asshole. It's a public-health crisis. 68 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,221 And you know exactly who's responsible. 69 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,600 -Deuces, y'all. -He doesn't even play tennis! 70 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:08,771 ♪♪ 71 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,064 Knock, knock. 72 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,609 Oh. Good, Early. You're already dealing with it. 73 00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:15,820 That's right. I use bacon fat to style my hairdo. 74 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:16,905 Pork pomade. 75 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,615 I'm rockin' a home remedy -- 76 00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,742 mayonnaise, vinegar, and olive oil. 77 00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:23,411 Ooh. Olive oil. A walking party sub -- 78 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:25,622 at a party that nobody wanna go to. 79 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:28,958 Well, no, I just did this to kill the lice, Early. 80 00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,460 Lice? What the hell?! 81 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,003 You brought lice into my household? 82 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,421 Oh, no, no. Look. 83 00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,298 I'm not saying you have lice -- 84 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,966 Good, 'cause my head's itchy enough 85 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,718 with all this damn dandruff I got. 86 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:42,972 Uh, you mind if I take a peek at that dandruff, Early? 87 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,350 Yep. It's lice, all right. [ Hisses ] 88 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:46,809 Then I get it from you, bitch. 89 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:48,394 They must've come from your ass, 90 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,313 where your head spends most of the damn day. 91 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,024 How did my ass get lice? Oh, no! 92 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:55,985 Now, listen, pointing fingers ain't gonna solve the problem. 93 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,987 Actually, it does, if you point a finger 94 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,781 at the one who created the problem. 95 00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:02,450 Look, Denny, everybody in town's got lice, 96 00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,661 so we just gotta put our heads together. 97 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,412 [ Chuckles ] N-Not literally, 98 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:08,665 because head-to-head contact will spread the lice. 99 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,417 Are you telling me I can't head-butt nobody from now on? 100 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:14,379 No, no. Just for the 24-hour incubation period. 101 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:17,173 Government overreach! [ Grunts ] [ Groans ] 102 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,174 Tell him about the hats. 103 00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:20,051 Well, Early, um... 104 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,344 You tell him, Denny. 105 00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,262 Hats? What hats? I don't wear no hats. 106 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,847 You know exactly what hats. 107 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,101 Look, I know you love your hats, but they're contaminated. 108 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:29,978 They're just gonna have to be destroyed. 109 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,646 And with that, I think we've reached 110 00:04:31,729 --> 00:04:33,648 the "get the hell off my property" portion 111 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,316 of our conversation. 112 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,527 You're trying to censor my freedom of speech! 113 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,445 My hats will not be silenced! 114 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:42,198 He'll come around. Yeah, he will. 115 00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:44,033 With his lice. And that's the problem. 116 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,870 You'll get my hats when you pry them from my cold, dead head! 117 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:49,622 [ Siren wails in distance ] 118 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,374 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 119 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,835 [ Beeping ] 120 00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,421 What the hell? 121 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:58,756 [ Echoing ] Ooh! Look at that! 122 00:04:58,840 --> 00:04:59,799 Ow. 123 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,384 My God. Look at this place. 124 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,886 I wear a lot of hats in this family. 125 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,054 See? 126 00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,725 [ Dramatic music plays ] 127 00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,227 See my hats? 128 00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:16,232 It's the story of your life, told in hat form. 129 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:17,775 "I'm a P.A.W.G DAWG." 130 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,236 Stands for "Phat Ass White Girls." 131 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:22,989 These hats, they're like my damn children. 132 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:25,074 You have a clear favorite, but you can't really share 133 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,452 that with the rest of them. They won't understand it. 134 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:28,953 Daddy, what you gonna do? I mean, 135 00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,080 Sheriff says you gotta destroy every one of these. 136 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,248 Well, I ain't gonna do it! 137 00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:33,666 But he said them hats got lice. 138 00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,294 That's exactly what the lice want him to think. 139 00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:39,297 They're in his brain, controlling his thoughts now. 140 00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:40,798 Ain't no lice in these hats, 141 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:45,219 because I wear every hat to suffocate the damn lice! 142 00:05:46,387 --> 00:05:48,264 Pastor Nubbins: "Let my people go, 143 00:05:48,347 --> 00:05:52,018 or I shall bring forth a plague of locusts." 144 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:55,396 Now, why would I reference a plague of insects today? 145 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,773 Hmm? 146 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,275 I see a lot of head-scratching out there. 147 00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,526 Anybody? Oh, God. 148 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:01,861 Just cut to the chase. 149 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,614 Early. Early's infected with lice. 150 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,990 Persecution! 151 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:09,243 Jesus wore a hat like mines, only his had thorns. 152 00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,454 They tried to make him shave his hair and his beard, 153 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:14,707 and when he refused, they put him on unpaid leave, 154 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,376 even though he was the son of God. 155 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,254 Early, that's not anywhere close to what happened. 156 00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,298 Uh, well, I don't listen in here. 157 00:06:22,381 --> 00:06:24,550 Y'all need to set your words to music and rhyme it. 158 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:27,553 Get you some graphics up there, throw some metal chairs. 159 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,180 That's how they do it on wrestling. 160 00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:31,099 I love me some wrestling. 161 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,350 Aw, damn it. 162 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,644 Let's just tie him down and shave his ass. 163 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,813 I mean, we're the police. [ Crowd shouting ] 164 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,816 Everybody hold on, now. Just calm down. 165 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,818 If we make this shameful for him, 166 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,820 he's just gonna double down. 167 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:47,073 We gotta make him think it's his idea. 168 00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,868 We dipped all these hats in lice-resistant vermijeli, 169 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,996 and we tried to print up slogans that he might respond to. 170 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,833 "Itch, please." "Lice Like Good Head." 171 00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:59,544 [ Chuckles ] Hey. You nailed him to a T, Bobby. 172 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,129 [ Static hisses ] He's on the property. 173 00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,839 Everybody to their stations. 174 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,715 Engage the target! 175 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,889 Uh, hello and welcome to Ball Mart. 176 00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,850 Uh, free hats today. 177 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,143 Sheriff: Stay with him, Leroy. 178 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:16,435 Funnel him toward the hats. 179 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,437 You -- You look like a hat man. 180 00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:21,649 Uh, w-we giving out free hats, today only. 181 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:22,984 Uh, come over to the hats -- 182 00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,193 After lunch. 183 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,445 I can't pick out no hats on an empty stomach. 184 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,030 What's up, little girl? 185 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,991 Mm-mmm! You look good. 186 00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:33,077 I had to shave my head cause of you, dipshit. 187 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:36,038 I do like me that smooth look, butter bean. 188 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:39,375 Mm-hmm! I shaved everything. 189 00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,085 The drapes... 190 00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:43,087 the shag carpet... 191 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,839 and the throw rug. 192 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:48,217 That's what I call my toe hair. 193 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:49,385 Mmm! Mmm! Yeah. Oh, yeah. 194 00:07:49,468 --> 00:07:50,887 Sheriff: Get him out of there. 195 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,972 [ Moaning ] Hats! We got free hats, Early. 196 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,474 Don't forget. They going fast. 197 00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:59,562 Go on. Pick anyone you like for fit and finish. 198 00:07:59,645 --> 00:08:00,855 Let's see. 199 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:02,481 "Itch, please"? 200 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,859 That's a little bit too highbrow for me. 201 00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,527 "Lice like good head"? 202 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,821 I don't care for the double entendre. 203 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:12,033 I think I'm gonna take this one right...here. 204 00:08:12,116 --> 00:08:13,576 Denny: That ain't a hat! That's a tube sock! 205 00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:14,911 Sheriff: Abort! We didn't dip those! 206 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,913 Yeah. This one here'll do. Abort! 207 00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:17,997 God damn it. 208 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:18,956 Wow. 209 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,626 He is playing 3-D chess, 210 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:25,129 which is regular chess with some extra stuff. 211 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,965 Uh, I don't know how to play chess. 212 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,176 [ Static hisses ] It's all on you now, Bobby. 213 00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:32,345 Early. Hey, Early. Come here. 214 00:08:32,428 --> 00:08:34,805 We're giving out free samples of our new aftershave 215 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,099 and scalp cologne, Bronco Dieselman. 216 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,768 It drives the ladies crazy. 217 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,478 Most bitches are already crazy. 218 00:08:40,561 --> 00:08:43,773 Just try a little bit -- just a little bit behind them ears. 219 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:47,568 Smells like DDT and... [sniffs] creosote. 220 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:48,653 I like it. All right. 221 00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:50,154 Now, turn around and cock 'em. 222 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,697 What is this, Saturday night? 223 00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,157 [ Laughs ] There we go. 224 00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:54,700 Sheriff: Way to go, Bobby. 225 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,703 All right! Whoo! Finally. The Eagle has landed! 226 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,122 Well, I appreciate y'all. 227 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,374 You have a nice day, now. 228 00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:02,792 Sheriff: Don't let him put on the hats. 229 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,585 Grab his hats! He's getting away! 230 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,462 Leroy, you're supposed to grab the hats! 231 00:09:06,545 --> 00:09:07,797 [ Static hisses ] 232 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,465 Damn it. 233 00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:11,175 We tried it your way. 234 00:09:11,259 --> 00:09:14,262 Now we gonna do this... Denny style. 235 00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:16,806 [ Insects chirping ] 236 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,100 [ Groans ] I wish my head was a cow's ass 237 00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:21,143 so I could have me a tail to swat these 238 00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,687 sons of bitches away with. [ Knock on door ] 239 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:23,938 Daddy, somebody's at the door. 240 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:25,982 Uh, who the hell is it? 241 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,984 It's, uh... 242 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:29,151 everyone. 243 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,486 [ Crowd shouting ] 244 00:09:30,569 --> 00:09:33,155 They're here for the hats! Quick, lice! Go! 245 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,907 Protect the hats! 246 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,493 -[ Grunts ] -Get him. 247 00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,954 Point us to the hats, and we'll be on our way. 248 00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,206 Oh, I'm gonna sheer your ass like a sheep. 249 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:43,708 Where are the hats? 250 00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:44,959 There ain't no hats here. 251 00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,002 Hold him down. 252 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,837 [ Grunts ] Run, hats! Run! 253 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,339 Save yourselves! 254 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,925 [ Dramatic music plays ] 255 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,594 [ Roaring ] 256 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,181 No! No! 257 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,767 [ Shrieking ] 258 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,895 [ Crying ] What have you done?! 259 00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,523 [ Down-tempo music plays ] 260 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,317 [ Crying ] 261 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,360 [ Wind whistling ] 262 00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:15,197 Daddy, I know you're still sad over them hats you lost, but -- 263 00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:18,409 but me and Randy made you a new hat last night at dinner. 264 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:21,120 This hat is stupid. [ Sniffs ] 265 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:22,413 Smells like chicken. 266 00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:24,707 [ Crying ] 267 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,542 It's all right, Randy. Come on. Let's go. 268 00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,794 Well, uh... [ Clears throat ] 269 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,547 That was a little nuts last night, wasn't it? 270 00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:33,424 I-I-I apologize. 271 00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:36,469 I-I think we just lost it. 272 00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:39,889 And we flipped a bunch of cars after that, too. 273 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,057 That wasn't right. 274 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,809 My life's work... in embers. 275 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,062 Listen. I want to make it right. 276 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:48,356 So...here. 277 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:50,733 [ Sniffs ] It's shampoo. 278 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,902 I ain't never use no shampoo before. 279 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,570 Well, I like this a lot, 280 00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:57,114 and it makes my hair shiny and -- 281 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,241 Oh. No. No. Early... 282 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,244 Whoo! Hell yeah! [ Burps ] 283 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,747 Shampoo tastes gooder than hell, baby! 284 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:07,875 It does? You mind if I, uh... 285 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,293 [ Gulps, gags ] 286 00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,421 No, it doesn't! [ Coughs ] 287 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:16,300 Granny: Made in Georgia. 20997

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