All language subtitles for Squidbillies.S12E08.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,518 --> 00:00:04,452 [ Static ] 2 00:00:04,487 --> 00:00:09,768 ♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪ 3 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,597 ♪ Buried 4 00:00:11,632 --> 00:00:16,395 ♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪ 5 00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:18,708 ♪ Dead and buried 6 00:00:18,742 --> 00:00:25,784 ♪ When God comes and He calls me to his kingdom ♪ 7 00:00:25,818 --> 00:00:30,720 ♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪ 8 00:00:30,754 --> 00:00:33,274 Come on!Do not touch the trim! 9 00:00:33,895 --> 00:00:36,622 [ Scooter whirring ] 10 00:00:38,417 --> 00:00:40,212 Hey, hot stuff. 11 00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:42,145 Aw, hell no. 12 00:00:42,180 --> 00:00:44,630 You best get on unless you wanna get bit by my dog. 13 00:00:44,665 --> 00:00:45,735 You ate your dog. 14 00:00:45,769 --> 00:00:48,427 It was Thanksgiving, damn it. Don't you judge me. 15 00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:50,119 Now get the hell off my land 16 00:00:50,153 --> 00:00:52,638 or I'll make up something else to bluff your ass with. 17 00:00:52,673 --> 00:00:56,884 Oh, baby, I can see you're hurtin'. 18 00:00:56,918 --> 00:00:59,749 I miss having all your stringy green arms 19 00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:03,580 wrapped around my bosom, my -- my front butt, 20 00:01:03,615 --> 00:01:06,342 my back butt, and my neck 21 00:01:06,376 --> 00:01:10,760 during them special times when I requested a choking. 22 00:01:10,794 --> 00:01:14,246 I'd be a fool to take you back. A stone cold fool. 23 00:01:14,281 --> 00:01:16,317 Now, you just get the hell on, right now! 24 00:01:16,352 --> 00:01:18,768 Well, I had to try. 25 00:01:18,802 --> 00:01:20,908 Hey, now. Whoa, whoa, whoa, now. 26 00:01:20,942 --> 00:01:23,842 Truth is I been lonely, little gal. 27 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,464 Once the bar lights comes on 28 00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:27,673 and womans see I got all these wiggly danglers 29 00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:30,262 and I'm filled with this wobbly jelly, 30 00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:32,506 I'm banished to the friend zone. 31 00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:37,752 Well, I'm here to invite you to my friends-with-benefits zone. 32 00:01:37,787 --> 00:01:39,375 [ Grunts ]Hell yeah! 33 00:01:39,409 --> 00:01:41,377 Whee. Hell yeah.Whoo! Let's do it, baby! 34 00:01:41,411 --> 00:01:42,757 Bye, Daddy. She ain't no good for you. 35 00:01:42,792 --> 00:01:44,380 Don't marry her again. 36 00:01:44,414 --> 00:01:47,659 Hey, don't be crotch-blocking me, you damn turd. 37 00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:52,905 Sometimes a hand-milf needs more than just hands. 38 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:56,219 She needs the slippery, suckery touch... 39 00:01:56,254 --> 00:01:58,877 of squid wigglers from outer space -- 40 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:01,707 space...space...space...sp-- [ Wheezes ] 41 00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:03,468 [ Eerie music playing ] 42 00:02:03,502 --> 00:02:05,677 Uh, I don't mind role-playing, 43 00:02:05,711 --> 00:02:09,301 but these fellers ain't even dressed up. 44 00:02:09,336 --> 00:02:12,684 Oh, don't mind Alphonso and Lucas. 45 00:02:12,718 --> 00:02:15,894 I'm just so proud we're back together, 46 00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:19,656 I want to broadcast it to the whole world. 47 00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:21,313 Now talk them words. 48 00:02:21,348 --> 00:02:25,973 Uh, glorp glorp gleepy... glork. 49 00:02:26,007 --> 00:02:30,253 Now... take me to your wiener. 50 00:02:30,288 --> 00:02:31,806 Gloop gloop dippity doo. 51 00:02:31,841 --> 00:02:33,429 There. That's got it. 52 00:02:33,463 --> 00:02:35,189 Hell yeah! I mean glork -- glork -- glo-o-o-rk! 53 00:02:35,224 --> 00:02:38,503 Mm, yeah.Glorkity glork glork, baby! 54 00:02:38,537 --> 00:02:39,469 Yeah! 55 00:02:39,504 --> 00:02:43,680 Who has seven wigglers and just got laid? 56 00:02:43,715 --> 00:02:44,992 Granny: This guy! 57 00:02:45,026 --> 00:02:46,683 What? 58 00:02:46,718 --> 00:02:49,341 Who the hell would put their damn pecker up in you? 59 00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:51,757 That guy! 60 00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:53,725 I'll call ya. No, you won't. 61 00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:54,898 Later, Gibby. 62 00:02:54,933 --> 00:02:56,417 [ Door closes ]The answer is me. 63 00:02:56,452 --> 00:02:58,971 This guy! Whoo! 64 00:02:59,006 --> 00:03:00,870 Daddy, I don't think you and Mama are good together. 65 00:03:00,904 --> 00:03:03,528 Well, too bad, 'cause we're together forever this time, son. 66 00:03:03,562 --> 00:03:05,219 This time, it's love. 67 00:03:05,254 --> 00:03:06,945 It sure looks like you're in love in this one. 68 00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,465 Early: Glork glork glork glork!BigWigglers.com? 69 00:03:09,499 --> 00:03:12,571 Yep. Homemade hentai tentacle porn. 70 00:03:12,606 --> 00:03:14,263 Some real freak shit. 71 00:03:14,297 --> 00:03:16,610 She told me she was filming this just to have something 72 00:03:16,644 --> 00:03:17,921 to show to our grand-youngrins! 73 00:03:17,956 --> 00:03:19,716 Give me a peek of that beak. 74 00:03:19,751 --> 00:03:21,891 Don't be reaching for the beak.Show me the beak! 75 00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:23,755 I'm -- I'm a little sensitive about it. 76 00:03:23,789 --> 00:03:26,758 Are we rolling on this?My beak! Oh, no! 77 00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:28,553 I opened up to her! 78 00:03:28,587 --> 00:03:30,486 You sure did. 79 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:31,659 All the way up. 80 00:03:31,694 --> 00:03:33,799 I'm no beak freak myself. 81 00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:37,251 I only go to this site when nothing else will get it done. 82 00:03:37,286 --> 00:03:39,426 [ Insects chirping ]Open up! 83 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:43,395 Where you been? Get your ass in wardrobe. 84 00:03:43,430 --> 00:03:45,777 Your love for me was no more real 85 00:03:45,811 --> 00:03:47,813 than this toy version of downtown Tokyo 86 00:03:47,848 --> 00:03:49,332 you's had me destroy! 87 00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:52,404 [ Hinge squeaks ]Oh, I've hurt you. 88 00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:54,751 And that's the last thing I wanted. 89 00:03:54,786 --> 00:03:58,617 But I also like subscriber-driven revenue, 90 00:03:58,652 --> 00:04:00,343 and that's the firstthing I wanted. 91 00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:02,345 Wha-ho! Get your fingers out of my B-hole. 92 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:04,589 But I'm weak for dat beak. 93 00:04:04,623 --> 00:04:06,591 You're just feeding me a damn line. 94 00:04:06,625 --> 00:04:08,420 I ain't just a life-support system 95 00:04:08,455 --> 00:04:09,628 for these sexy-ass wigglers. 96 00:04:09,663 --> 00:04:11,768 I got a soul! I'm a person here! 97 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:13,425 [ Door opens, closes ][ Sighs ] 98 00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:16,532 I guess we're back to fartin' on cakes. 99 00:04:16,566 --> 00:04:19,604 Lucas, switch to the telephoto. 100 00:04:20,467 --> 00:04:22,607 ♪ Happy birthday, Mr. President ♪ 101 00:04:22,641 --> 00:04:25,610 [ Sniffs, sobs ] 102 00:04:25,644 --> 00:04:28,095 [ Sighs, sobs ][ Farting ] 103 00:04:28,129 --> 00:04:29,786 [ Crying ] 104 00:04:29,821 --> 00:04:31,512 Daddy, this video is still up. 105 00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:33,445 Your beak is hanging out for the whole world to see. 106 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,619 I know! 107 00:04:34,653 --> 00:04:36,068 I should have circumcised your ass 108 00:04:36,103 --> 00:04:37,829 when I had the chance, you son of a bitch! 109 00:04:37,863 --> 00:04:39,451 What are you doing? No! No! 110 00:04:39,486 --> 00:04:42,730 Oh, don't cut your beak off! That's your moneymaker! 111 00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:45,008 Yeah. That's right. Listen to the purple one. 112 00:04:45,043 --> 00:04:47,010 Just checked your comments. They're blowing up. 113 00:04:47,045 --> 00:04:49,323 "Buff Beakman scores a direct hit 114 00:04:49,358 --> 00:04:51,636 for this beak-seeking missile." 115 00:04:51,670 --> 00:04:54,984 CalamariCop just posted raindrops...and eggplants? 116 00:04:55,018 --> 00:04:58,643 That's a really good sign when they start putting up veggies. 117 00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:00,472 Ooh. Somebody done some fan art. 118 00:05:00,507 --> 00:05:01,922 A tattoo! Well, looky there! 119 00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:04,649 About damn time the Internet started talking about me! 120 00:05:04,683 --> 00:05:06,996 Daddy, this is a fetish thing for weirdos with problems. 121 00:05:07,030 --> 00:05:09,723 Looks like somebody's got a touch of beak envy. 122 00:05:09,757 --> 00:05:11,000 Please don't embrace this. 123 00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:12,967 Keep clutching your pearls, ya puritan! 124 00:05:13,002 --> 00:05:14,417 I'm gonna keep doing me! 125 00:05:14,452 --> 00:05:15,901 Mama is just using you, Daddy. 126 00:05:15,936 --> 00:05:17,593 I know, and she's out. 127 00:05:17,627 --> 00:05:19,836 People don't come to Big Wigglers to be chubby chasin'. 128 00:05:19,871 --> 00:05:21,666 They come for my big and naturals. 129 00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:23,357 Ain't that right, beaky? 130 00:05:23,392 --> 00:05:26,602 That's right! Beaks out, freaks out! 131 00:05:26,636 --> 00:05:30,433 I mean, nobody goes to that site anyway, right? 132 00:05:30,468 --> 00:05:32,366 Early: Ooh. Rising from the briny deep... 133 00:05:32,401 --> 00:05:35,093 Mm. This is gonna crash my computer, ain't it? 134 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:38,441 You was warned not to come into these waters. 135 00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:39,684 Ha ha. 136 00:05:39,718 --> 00:05:41,168 Don't forget to hit like and subscribe! 137 00:05:41,202 --> 00:05:42,618 It really helps us out! 138 00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:45,897 Wow. Early's normally very beak-shy. 139 00:05:45,931 --> 00:05:47,761 Even when he exposes hisself to women, 140 00:05:47,795 --> 00:05:49,763 he makes sure to hide the beak. 141 00:05:49,797 --> 00:05:52,075 Hell, he won't even let me cavity-search the thing. 142 00:05:52,110 --> 00:05:53,698 That ain't the point, Sheriff. 143 00:05:53,732 --> 00:05:56,908 He's making pornography in Dougal County. 144 00:05:56,942 --> 00:05:58,806 We got standards in this community! 145 00:05:58,841 --> 00:06:01,464 Well, you're part of the community, too, Detective -- 146 00:06:01,499 --> 00:06:03,639 or should I say TheCalimariCop? 147 00:06:03,673 --> 00:06:06,089 I-I got hacked! Somebody hacked me! 148 00:06:06,124 --> 00:06:08,195 Member since 2007? 149 00:06:08,229 --> 00:06:09,955 That -- That there's a friend's log-in! 150 00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:11,647 I don't get off on this! 151 00:06:11,681 --> 00:06:15,582 [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 152 00:06:15,616 --> 00:06:17,446 A samurai sword? 153 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,896 Yeah. That's from my online wish list. 154 00:06:19,931 --> 00:06:21,898 The fans just wanna give back. 155 00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:24,729 There's a fortune for you in this business, too, son. 156 00:06:24,763 --> 00:06:26,455 You got the assets. 157 00:06:26,489 --> 00:06:27,973 I'm down to clown!Yeah. 158 00:06:28,008 --> 00:06:30,735 I got a wealthy fan flying in from J-Pan tomorrow 159 00:06:30,769 --> 00:06:33,427 for a live and in-person tentacle tsunami. 160 00:06:33,462 --> 00:06:35,602 I sure could use some extra stunt wigglers. 161 00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:37,086 I said I'm down to clown. 162 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,777 Did you hear me when I just said that? 163 00:06:38,812 --> 00:06:40,227 [ Sighs ] I don't think so, Daddy. 164 00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:41,849 It's just the Internet. 165 00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:43,748 It ain't like it's gonna be up there forever. 166 00:06:43,782 --> 00:06:45,439 So they just send you this sword? 167 00:06:45,474 --> 00:06:46,682 For free? 168 00:06:46,716 --> 00:06:48,580 You like it? Keep it. It's yours. 169 00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:50,617 And there's plenty more where that come from. 170 00:06:50,651 --> 00:06:52,860 You just come on down to the motel tomorrow afternoon, 171 00:06:52,895 --> 00:06:54,724 and bring you wigglers. 172 00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:57,796 We can finally, you know, bond like you keep carrying on about. 173 00:06:57,831 --> 00:06:59,695 Wait a minute. You ain't sayin' that we're gonna -- 174 00:06:59,729 --> 00:07:02,007 Oh, no, no. Not that way. 175 00:07:02,042 --> 00:07:04,113 It ain't like we're pulling a beak train. 176 00:07:04,147 --> 00:07:06,046 She said she's down to clown! 177 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,600 I heard ya, and it's a hard pass! 178 00:07:08,635 --> 00:07:10,706 Pastor: And they sewed fig leaves together 179 00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:13,122 and made themselves loincloths. 180 00:07:13,156 --> 00:07:16,505 And the Lord said, "Who told you that you were naked? 181 00:07:16,539 --> 00:07:17,989 Have you eaten from the tree 182 00:07:18,023 --> 00:07:20,060 of which I commanded you not to eat?" 183 00:07:20,094 --> 00:07:21,717 Early: Couple of prudes, right? 184 00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:23,512 I mean, if you got it, flaunt it. 185 00:07:23,546 --> 00:07:25,617 You know what I'm saying?Early, do you need something? 186 00:07:25,652 --> 00:07:27,032 Just attention. That's all. 187 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,724 I love what the Lord done give me, 188 00:07:28,758 --> 00:07:30,553 and so do others, apparently. 189 00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:33,142 You may have seen my vidjas -- "Beak Freaks on the Street," 190 00:07:33,176 --> 00:07:35,282 "Beak-a-Boo," "Weak for Dat Beak"... 191 00:07:35,316 --> 00:07:37,077 Oh, we're well aware, Early. 192 00:07:37,111 --> 00:07:39,942 In fact, we're going down to the motel this afternoon to protest. 193 00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:41,840 Plug the site. 194 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:44,015 Did I mention that I'm adding on-demand customized videos 195 00:07:44,049 --> 00:07:46,500 at TheresSuckerPornEveryMinute. com? 196 00:07:46,535 --> 00:07:48,813 Okay, folks. I think we're done for today. 197 00:07:48,847 --> 00:07:51,125 Okay. We'll see everybody at 2:00, all right? 198 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:52,506 [ Gong sounds ] 199 00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:54,025 Buff Beakman! He's here! 200 00:07:54,059 --> 00:07:55,751 You honor us, Buff Beakman! 201 00:07:55,785 --> 00:07:57,511 Buff Beakman!Yes, yes, it is he. 202 00:07:57,546 --> 00:07:59,824 Which one of y'all lucky mans paid for the experience? 203 00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:02,758 The Wiggler Tsunami is for my beloved father, 204 00:08:02,792 --> 00:08:04,967 but perhaps you would honor us with your autograph 205 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:06,520 on our butt cheeks. 206 00:08:06,555 --> 00:08:08,833 Oh, sure. Of course. Anything for the fans. 207 00:08:11,870 --> 00:08:13,976 You mentioned some mystery wiggler? 208 00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:15,529 That's right. 209 00:08:15,564 --> 00:08:17,600 My son Rusty's getting into the business. 210 00:08:17,635 --> 00:08:18,739 Oh! [ Laughs ] Oh! 211 00:08:18,774 --> 00:08:20,051 Yes! 212 00:08:20,085 --> 00:08:22,709 Oh-ai-ha! 213 00:08:22,743 --> 00:08:24,780 I can't believe I'm gonna do this. 214 00:08:24,814 --> 00:08:26,298 At least he'll have you. 215 00:08:26,333 --> 00:08:28,231 I'd give anything to be in that room. 216 00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:30,579 They call me grave bait. 217 00:08:30,613 --> 00:08:32,339 Ah, let's go in there and have some fun! 218 00:08:32,373 --> 00:08:34,617 Let your beak flag fly! 219 00:08:34,652 --> 00:08:37,758 It ain't my call, but I wouldn't do it. 220 00:08:37,793 --> 00:08:39,726 All: Heck no! No porno! 221 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:42,176 Go somewhere else to suck and blow! 222 00:08:42,211 --> 00:08:44,178 Heck no! No porno! 223 00:08:44,213 --> 00:08:46,111 There's the sodomite right there! 224 00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:47,596 Sexual deviant! 225 00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:49,736 Oh, come on, Pastor. It's just me. 226 00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:52,014 Yeah, I know, Rusty. It's just part of the job. 227 00:08:52,048 --> 00:08:53,325 Smut peddler! 228 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,638 [ Crowd shouting ]That's right! He is! 229 00:08:55,673 --> 00:08:57,606 Welcome to the family business, son! 230 00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,918 Purveyors of filth! Whoremongers! 231 00:08:59,953 --> 00:09:01,264 Hey, y'all keep it down. 232 00:09:01,299 --> 00:09:03,301 We're trying to get clean audio in here. 233 00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,752 There ain't nothing clean going on in there! 234 00:09:05,786 --> 00:09:08,893 Easy, Pastor. Let's not kink-shame the man. 235 00:09:08,927 --> 00:09:12,379 When it comes to sex, who's to say what's right or wrong? 236 00:09:12,413 --> 00:09:14,105 The Bible, Sheriff! 237 00:09:14,139 --> 00:09:17,073 But Kinsey tell us that we're all somewhere 238 00:09:17,108 --> 00:09:19,248 on a broad spectrum of desire -- 239 00:09:19,282 --> 00:09:22,976 hetero, homo, BDSM leather daddies. 240 00:09:23,010 --> 00:09:27,014 I mean, me personally, I like to be sealed up in a latex bag 241 00:09:27,049 --> 00:09:28,844 with an air hose up my nose. 242 00:09:28,878 --> 00:09:32,054 What does your precious Bible have to say about that? 243 00:09:32,088 --> 00:09:34,263 [ Cellphones beeping ] 244 00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:36,886 Now, I-I told y'all that in confidence, 245 00:09:36,921 --> 00:09:39,993 so don't run off to your message board with that little tidbit. 246 00:09:40,027 --> 00:09:42,064 Y'all -- Glen, put your phone down. 247 00:09:42,098 --> 00:09:43,306 Stop recording me. 248 00:09:43,341 --> 00:09:45,067 All of you, put your phones down. 249 00:09:45,101 --> 00:09:46,240 Everyone, p-please -- 250 00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:48,415 please disperse. 251 00:09:48,449 --> 00:09:50,762 I-I've said way too much now. 252 00:09:50,797 --> 00:09:53,178 About goddamn time you showed up. 253 00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:55,353 Be sure to frame his face out. 254 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,182 [ Chuckles ] He don't likedoin' porno. 255 00:09:57,217 --> 00:10:00,876 Ooh, yes. Time for my wiggler tsunami. 256 00:10:00,910 --> 00:10:02,636 Wiggle 'em, Rusty. Come on. Let's go. 257 00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:03,844 Make 'em bounce. Like this here. 258 00:10:03,879 --> 00:10:05,432 Oh! Give his man his show. 259 00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:07,158 Ohh. Yes. 260 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:08,297 I-I'm sorry, Daddy. 261 00:10:08,331 --> 00:10:09,332 Sorry for what? 262 00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:11,714 Wah! Ha! Wah! 263 00:10:11,749 --> 00:10:13,060 Aah! 264 00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,337 Oh! My wigglers! 265 00:10:14,372 --> 00:10:15,960 Wah! 266 00:10:15,994 --> 00:10:17,720 I ain't saying what you're doing is right or wrong! 267 00:10:17,755 --> 00:10:19,308 I'm just saying it's really weird and embarrasses me 268 00:10:19,342 --> 00:10:20,861 and I had to put a stop to it! 269 00:10:20,896 --> 00:10:22,069 [ Door opens, closes ] 270 00:10:22,104 --> 00:10:24,140 This has turned me off greatly. 271 00:10:24,175 --> 00:10:26,971 I will accept these as restitution. 272 00:10:27,005 --> 00:10:29,801 Wait! No, no, no! Come back! I still got the beak! 273 00:10:29,836 --> 00:10:31,907 That's right! Beaks out, freaks out! 274 00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:34,979 Mm. Yeah. Not a beak man. 275 00:10:35,013 --> 00:10:36,808 [ Insects chirping ]Yoo-hoo! 276 00:10:36,843 --> 00:10:39,328 Hey! Where you going?I'm down to clown! 277 00:10:39,362 --> 00:10:42,849 Hey, y'all want me to fart on your California roll? 278 00:10:42,883 --> 00:10:44,402 Fried rice? 279 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,370 What exactly do y'all fart on over there? 280 00:10:47,405 --> 00:10:49,683 [ Up-tempo music plays ] 281 00:10:49,718 --> 00:10:55,033 ♪♪ 282 00:10:55,068 --> 00:11:00,349 ♪♪ 283 00:11:00,383 --> 00:11:05,837 ♪♪ 284 00:11:05,872 --> 00:11:11,222 ♪♪ 20896

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