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1
00:00:01,518 --> 00:00:03,486
[ Static ]
2
00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:11,114
♪♪
3
00:00:11,149 --> 00:00:13,599
♪ My dreams are all dead
and buried ♪
4
00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:16,395
♪ Sometimes I wish that sun
would just explode ♪
5
00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:18,708
♪ When God takes me
to his Kingdom ♪
6
00:00:18,742 --> 00:00:21,366
♪ I'll take all you
sons of bitches when I go ♪
7
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,644
♪ I'll take all you
sons of bitches when I go ♪
8
00:00:23,678 --> 00:00:25,404
♪ Let it blow
9
00:00:25,439 --> 00:00:27,820
♪♪
10
00:00:27,855 --> 00:00:29,167
My turn.
11
00:00:29,201 --> 00:00:30,582
Hell no.Hey, man, let me drive
12
00:00:30,616 --> 00:00:33,067
that thing, come on!Do not touch the trim!
13
00:00:35,794 --> 00:00:37,554
"You shall make no idols
nor graven image,
14
00:00:37,589 --> 00:00:40,730
and you shall have
no other gods before me."
15
00:00:40,764 --> 00:00:42,352
Now, what do y'all think
he's talking about there?
16
00:00:42,387 --> 00:00:43,629
[ Door opens ]
17
00:00:43,664 --> 00:00:45,528
Hey, y'all want to see
my new cooler?
18
00:00:45,562 --> 00:00:46,563
It's a Sasquatch.
19
00:00:46,598 --> 00:00:49,083
Early, please don't bring
that cooler in here.
20
00:00:49,118 --> 00:00:50,395
Cooler? [ Chuckles ]
21
00:00:50,429 --> 00:00:52,362
The Sasquatch is more
than just a cooler.
22
00:00:52,397 --> 00:00:53,605
It's a next-generation
23
00:00:53,639 --> 00:00:55,503
temperature-based
refrigeration system.
24
00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:56,746
O-Okay, great.
25
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,368
Can we all just bow
our heads in prayer?
26
00:00:58,403 --> 00:01:00,715
Y'all can, but my prayers have
done and been answered,
27
00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:04,374
because the Sasquatch has
dual-axle-mounted mobility disc,
28
00:01:04,409 --> 00:01:06,445
contents-sealing
containment hatch,
29
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:09,276
and onboard decanter
libation liberation seal
30
00:01:09,310 --> 00:01:11,657
remover accessory
for accessing potable
31
00:01:11,692 --> 00:01:13,452
flavor beverage libations.
32
00:01:13,487 --> 00:01:15,247
Ooh, it's a little
bottle opener.
33
00:01:15,282 --> 00:01:16,800
Bitch, don't you be
touching my Sasquatch
34
00:01:16,835 --> 00:01:19,286
or I'll be coolin' your damn
corpse in the sandwich crisper!
35
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,184
Okay, folks, let's just
call it a Sunday.
36
00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:22,703
And it's powered
by diesel.
37
00:01:22,737 --> 00:01:25,637
That's how Sasquatch
keeps my beers cold
38
00:01:25,671 --> 00:01:27,225
and my good times chill.
39
00:01:27,259 --> 00:01:28,605
It's a next-generation
40
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,780
temperature-based
refrigeration system.
41
00:01:30,814 --> 00:01:34,370
The high-efficiency diesel
engine keeps my beers cold
42
00:01:34,404 --> 00:01:36,199
and my good times chill.
43
00:01:36,234 --> 00:01:38,581
Don't be bringing
your own beers to my bar.
44
00:01:38,615 --> 00:01:42,136
Fine, Sasquatch is built
for the rugged outdoors anyhow.
45
00:01:42,171 --> 00:01:44,207
Sasquatch strong, baby!
46
00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:48,867
Welcome to Ball-Mart.No, no, no, no, no.
47
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,282
I done told you,
Early,
48
00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:52,284
you can't showboat
that cooler in here.
49
00:01:52,319 --> 00:01:54,183
Why?
Ain't nobody gonna confuse it
50
00:01:54,217 --> 00:01:56,357
with your jacked-up
low-rent Ball-Mart brand.
51
00:01:56,392 --> 00:01:58,359
The Malamute
is a good cooler.
52
00:01:58,394 --> 00:02:01,914
[ Scoffs ] I wouldn't
bathe a dog in a Malamute.
53
00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:04,538
I would not cool my piss
in a Malamute!
54
00:02:04,572 --> 00:02:06,712
Buy something or get out,
Early.
55
00:02:06,747 --> 00:02:09,439
All right, I guess I'll buy me
a bag of ice.
56
00:02:09,474 --> 00:02:12,684
Whoop, my Sasquatch has still
got the same ice from last week.
57
00:02:12,718 --> 00:02:14,548
I guess I'm good.
58
00:02:14,582 --> 00:02:16,860
Get on, and don't come back
unless you gonna buy something.
59
00:02:16,895 --> 00:02:18,379
Oh, I'll be back.
60
00:02:18,414 --> 00:02:20,243
When hell freezes over!
61
00:02:20,278 --> 00:02:23,867
And even then, hell still won't
be as damn cold as a Sasquatch!
62
00:02:23,902 --> 00:02:25,800
[ Early and Granny coughing ]
63
00:02:25,835 --> 00:02:29,183
Keeps my beers cold
and my good times chill.
64
00:02:29,218 --> 00:02:31,530
Yeah, I know.
65
00:02:31,565 --> 00:02:35,362
You put this sticker
on the back of my head.
66
00:02:35,396 --> 00:02:37,433
Not everybody
gets the hat.
67
00:02:37,467 --> 00:02:39,262
Daddy, didn't you say
the Sasquatch
68
00:02:39,297 --> 00:02:40,850
was built
for the rugged outdoors?
69
00:02:40,884 --> 00:02:42,265
Outdoors, indoors.
70
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,543
Where I go,
my Sasquatch goes.
71
00:02:44,578 --> 00:02:47,581
Oh, yeah, I'ma just
cut this off a second.
72
00:02:47,615 --> 00:02:50,446
You best re-crank
my Sasquatch, boy.
73
00:02:54,691 --> 00:02:58,385
Don't you never unchill
my good times again.
74
00:02:59,351 --> 00:03:00,904
Hey, there's Early.
75
00:03:00,939 --> 00:03:02,389
Hey, Earl.
Go, Dawgs!
76
00:03:02,423 --> 00:03:04,460
Sic 'em!
Woof, woof!
77
00:03:04,494 --> 00:03:06,807
Woof?
Hey, what the hell?
78
00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:09,223
All right, good game.
We'll see y'all later.
79
00:03:09,258 --> 00:03:11,743
Wait, wait,
just hold on, Early.
80
00:03:11,777 --> 00:03:13,469
Anybody want
a cold drink?
81
00:03:13,503 --> 00:03:15,574
A cold drink?
Out of a Malamute?
82
00:03:15,609 --> 00:03:17,887
[ Laughs ] How the hell
you gonna make that happen?
83
00:03:17,921 --> 00:03:19,889
You don't even have
a Malamute hat.
84
00:03:19,923 --> 00:03:21,891
I'll bet they don't
even make hats.
85
00:03:21,925 --> 00:03:24,376
Why, I-I'm sure
they have hats.
They don't.
86
00:03:24,411 --> 00:03:26,378
I looked it up
on my Wi-Fi hotspot.
87
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:28,967
Does your Malamute have
a Wi-Fi hotspot?
88
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,349
I -- Well, I didn't see it
on the lid.
89
00:03:31,383 --> 00:03:33,385
I'll bet you
it's on the bottom.Just stop, Sheriff.
90
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:35,629
Oh, no.
My guac.
91
00:03:35,663 --> 00:03:38,942
Your sad little plastic tub
ain't got no hotspot,
92
00:03:38,977 --> 00:03:41,635
'less you count the entire
inside of the cooler
93
00:03:41,669 --> 00:03:44,569
where it's supposed to
be cool.
94
00:03:44,603 --> 00:03:45,880
Burn!
95
00:03:45,915 --> 00:03:47,468
Access denied.
96
00:03:47,503 --> 00:03:49,850
Unregistered user.
Access denied.
97
00:03:49,884 --> 00:03:52,749
Stop it. Do that three times,
it'll wipe my preferences.
98
00:03:52,784 --> 00:03:54,613
Why won't it open?
99
00:03:54,648 --> 00:03:57,858
Uh, 'cause it's got a biometric
fingerprint-activated lock,
100
00:03:57,892 --> 00:04:01,689
and the key
is right here.
101
00:04:01,724 --> 00:04:03,312
Hello, Glenn.
102
00:04:03,346 --> 00:04:04,865
Uh, just what kind of cooler
is this beast?
103
00:04:04,899 --> 00:04:06,936
It's not a cooler,
jackass.
104
00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:08,558
It's a next-generation...
105
00:04:08,593 --> 00:04:10,629
Both: Temperature-based
refrigeration system.
106
00:04:10,664 --> 00:04:12,321
Yeah,
I'm Sasquatch nation, too.
107
00:04:12,355 --> 00:04:14,564
See the hat?
Yeah, I got me a hat, as well.
108
00:04:14,599 --> 00:04:16,290
Well, then you'll recognize
the flagship
109
00:04:16,325 --> 00:04:18,948
of the Sasquatch line --
the Himalaya, baby.
110
00:04:18,982 --> 00:04:22,400
It comes with subzero
beverage-extraction tongs.
111
00:04:22,434 --> 00:04:23,642
Every time you put your hand
in there,
112
00:04:23,677 --> 00:04:25,403
it's a frostbite risk,
bro.
113
00:04:25,437 --> 00:04:27,059
Shit, highly doubtful.
114
00:04:27,094 --> 00:04:28,716
Oh, is that right?
Grab a cold one, then.
115
00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:29,821
Hello, Glenn.
116
00:04:29,855 --> 00:04:31,961
Roll the dice.
117
00:04:31,995 --> 00:04:34,101
Granny, get in there
and fetch me a tall boy.
118
00:04:34,135 --> 00:04:35,482
Huh?
119
00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:37,760
I should probably
use the tongs.
120
00:04:37,794 --> 00:04:39,382
No tongs. Go in raw dog.Aah!
121
00:04:39,417 --> 00:04:41,798
I want to see
how this shakes out.
122
00:04:41,833 --> 00:04:43,904
[ Coughs ]
You went with the Mastadon?
123
00:04:43,938 --> 00:04:47,425
You know Sasquatch is moving
to zero-emission coolers, right?
124
00:04:47,459 --> 00:04:50,738
Sorry, Glenn, I can't hear you
over the masculine hum
125
00:04:50,773 --> 00:04:52,913
of clean-burnin'
diesel fuel.
126
00:04:52,947 --> 00:04:55,571
Dude, they don't even release
firmware for that anymore.
127
00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:58,401
They're gonna brick those
at the end of the year.
128
00:04:58,436 --> 00:04:59,713
Global warming, bro.
129
00:04:59,747 --> 00:05:01,093
Ugh, here we go.
130
00:05:01,128 --> 00:05:03,993
All right, Poindexter,
if global warming is real,
131
00:05:04,027 --> 00:05:06,409
then where did I get
this ice cube, huh?
132
00:05:06,444 --> 00:05:07,893
You took it out of your cooler,
asshole.
133
00:05:07,928 --> 00:05:09,136
Yeah, that don't prove
nothing, Daddy.
134
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:10,620
[ Coughing ]
135
00:05:10,655 --> 00:05:13,002
Dude, shut off
that rolling smokestack.
136
00:05:13,036 --> 00:05:14,900
You're scaring off
all the talent.
137
00:05:14,935 --> 00:05:16,350
Well, come on!
I'm a man.
138
00:05:16,385 --> 00:05:17,627
I can look!
139
00:05:17,662 --> 00:05:23,530
H-Here's
y-your b-b-b-beer.
140
00:05:23,564 --> 00:05:25,117
Oh, my God, Granny!
141
00:05:25,152 --> 00:05:29,743
I said beer, not grapefruit
jalapeño Hefeweizen doppelbock.
142
00:05:29,777 --> 00:05:31,607
Aah!
Cold enough for you?
143
00:05:31,641 --> 00:05:34,575
And ironic, too, 'cause
it's powered by the sun.
144
00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:36,577
Climate change
is a damn hoax!
145
00:05:36,612 --> 00:05:38,786
Rusty, rev my cooler
to prove my point.
146
00:05:38,821 --> 00:05:40,409
It's out of gas.
147
00:05:40,443 --> 00:05:41,996
Well, I'm out of patience
with a damn company
148
00:05:42,031 --> 00:05:43,929
that chooses
tree-huggin' bullshit
149
00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:46,173
over cold beers
and chill good times!
150
00:05:46,207 --> 00:05:48,106
Uh, you gonna clean up
my tailgate here?
151
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,902
Sweep up your grandma.
We's gone.
152
00:05:52,179 --> 00:05:55,078
Hey, Sasquatch, you love
huggin' trees so much,
153
00:05:55,113 --> 00:05:58,150
how 'bout you hug this tree
right now?!
154
00:05:58,185 --> 00:06:01,982
Sasquatch, you can
kiss my ass-quatch!
155
00:06:04,812 --> 00:06:06,504
God damn it!
156
00:06:06,538 --> 00:06:09,092
Granny: Ain't you got to smush
the cooler to make your point?
157
00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:11,612
Oh, you think?
You a damn scientist now?
158
00:06:11,647 --> 00:06:14,546
Sasquatch, you can kiss
my ass-quatch!
159
00:06:14,581 --> 00:06:17,066
Aah! Ow!
160
00:06:17,100 --> 00:06:19,586
I told you the tree
was leaning that way.
161
00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:24,073
Sasquatch, you can kiss
my ass-quatch!
162
00:06:24,107 --> 00:06:26,696
Damn it.
Who picked this tree?
163
00:06:26,731 --> 00:06:28,664
Kiss my ass-quatch!
164
00:06:28,698 --> 00:06:30,424
Okay, now, push it,
push it, push it.
165
00:06:30,459 --> 00:06:32,840
Other way!
It's going toward the house!
166
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:36,430
Aw,
that's where we lived.
167
00:06:36,465 --> 00:06:38,432
Kiss my ass-quatch!
168
00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:43,679
[ Metal grinding ]
169
00:06:43,713 --> 00:06:45,577
Rusty: That's a cellphone tower,
Daddy.
170
00:06:45,612 --> 00:06:50,133
No, these wooden trees is being
led by a robot master tree.
171
00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:52,791
Die, you damn android
from outer space!
172
00:06:52,826 --> 00:06:56,761
Okay, Sasquatch, seems like
all the trees are on your side,
173
00:06:56,795 --> 00:06:58,901
so I burned 'em
all in a fire,
174
00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:00,730
and I burned your cooler
in there, too.
175
00:07:00,765 --> 00:07:02,076
See it, Sasquatch?
176
00:07:02,111 --> 00:07:05,873
[ Laughs]
Kiss my ass-quatch!
177
00:07:05,908 --> 00:07:07,979
I'm -- I'm not seeing
the cooler here.
178
00:07:08,013 --> 00:07:09,532
Where is it?
179
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:12,466
It's in there.
You heard me say it, didn't you?
180
00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,503
Well,
it might be more impactful
181
00:07:14,537 --> 00:07:16,470
if we saw you pushing it
into the fire.
182
00:07:16,505 --> 00:07:18,955
And when you direct
your own viral video film,
183
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:20,716
maybe you can make
that decision.
184
00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:22,580
I'm challenging people
with my art.
185
00:07:22,614 --> 00:07:25,790
But, uh, Sasquatch
already has your money.
186
00:07:25,824 --> 00:07:27,239
Yeah?
187
00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:31,692
So now you're out the money
and the cooler.
188
00:07:31,727 --> 00:07:34,074
But I-I got this videotape
I made
189
00:07:34,108 --> 00:07:36,594
and, uh,
this hurts their feelings.
190
00:07:36,628 --> 00:07:38,596
Why are you still
wearing the gear?
191
00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:40,252
What the --
Get this rugged, high-quality,
192
00:07:40,287 --> 00:07:42,738
one size fits all
sport hat off my head!
193
00:07:42,772 --> 00:07:43,946
I'd rather drink warm spit
194
00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:46,086
than cool my libations
in a Sasquatch.
195
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:48,951
Me and Sasquatch is done!
196
00:07:56,821 --> 00:07:58,098
Nuh-unh.
Hell naw.
197
00:07:58,132 --> 00:07:59,858
Don't you touch
my Sasquatch hat.
198
00:07:59,893 --> 00:08:02,896
But you said you was done
with Sasquatch.
199
00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:05,761
Yeah, I'm probably gonna
burn this hat in the fire, too,
200
00:08:05,795 --> 00:08:08,108
and, um, produce myself
another videotape
201
00:08:08,142 --> 00:08:10,731
to pwn
the butt-hurt libs.
202
00:08:10,766 --> 00:08:12,284
Okay.
203
00:08:12,319 --> 00:08:13,596
Look at that.
204
00:08:13,631 --> 00:08:16,288
My badge melted.
205
00:08:16,323 --> 00:08:18,636
Well,
I guess I'm gonna get.
206
00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:23,606
Well,
I guess I'm gonna stay.
207
00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:25,746
Ain't no way out, Daddy.
What are we gonna do?
208
00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:29,198
Everybody
in the Mastadon!
209
00:08:29,232 --> 00:08:31,165
The Sasquatch Mastadon?
210
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,339
But you destroyed it.
211
00:08:32,373 --> 00:08:34,203
The -- The video.
How?
212
00:08:34,237 --> 00:08:35,963
I faked her death.
213
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:38,828
Hell, this is the best
goddamn cooler on the market.
214
00:08:38,863 --> 00:08:39,933
When I pull her behind me,
215
00:08:39,967 --> 00:08:42,211
people thinks I got
a high-paying job
216
00:08:42,245 --> 00:08:44,109
and a serious problem
with the alcy-hol.
217
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:45,904
Oh, man, scoot over.
218
00:08:45,939 --> 00:08:47,768
-Wait!
-Ow, ow!
219
00:08:47,803 --> 00:08:49,943
Hey, Early, can I, uh --Hold on.
220
00:08:52,290 --> 00:08:55,707
Uh, Early --Hold up, hoss.
221
00:08:57,157 --> 00:08:58,814
Rusty:
Damn it, Daddy, what the hell?!
222
00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:00,781
Scoot over. Make sure the ice
gets on the cans.
223
00:09:00,816 --> 00:09:03,335
Wait, hold on.
Is there room in there for me?
224
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,614
Aw, hell, if you'd only
asked me a minute ago.
225
00:09:05,648 --> 00:09:07,374
I'm sorry, hoss,
we all full up now.
226
00:09:07,408 --> 00:09:08,962
Don't leave me out here
alone, Early.
227
00:09:08,996 --> 00:09:10,791
I just got
this crappy Malamute.
228
00:09:10,826 --> 00:09:12,586
You can't take it with you,
Sheriff.
229
00:09:12,621 --> 00:09:13,863
If I had me a Malamute,
230
00:09:13,898 --> 00:09:15,693
I wouldn't want it
with me in heaven.
231
00:09:15,727 --> 00:09:17,177
Jesus would think
I was poor.
232
00:09:17,211 --> 00:09:19,317
Have a good one.
-Burn!
233
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:22,009
Damn it.
234
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,772
[ Grunting ]
235
00:09:25,806 --> 00:09:34,919
♪♪
236
00:09:34,953 --> 00:09:37,853
[ All coughing ]
237
00:09:37,887 --> 00:09:39,302
We're alive!
238
00:09:39,337 --> 00:09:42,927
I told you Sasquatch was
the best cooler on the market.
239
00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:45,136
Sasquatch strong!
240
00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:49,312
I feel like this fire's brought
us all closer together.
241
00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:51,936
[ All scream ]
242
00:09:51,970 --> 00:09:54,801
And then melted us
all together.
243
00:09:54,835 --> 00:09:55,974
I guess
we're a cooler now.
244
00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:57,804
We is more than a cooler,
Rusty.
245
00:09:57,838 --> 00:09:59,219
We're a next-generation...
246
00:09:59,253 --> 00:10:01,635
All: Temperature-based
refrigeration system.
247
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:03,257
I know.I know, damn it!
248
00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:08,124
[ Grunting ]
249
00:10:08,159 --> 00:10:09,436
This cooler don't work.
250
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:11,196
Aren't you
the "kiss my ass-quatch" guy?
251
00:10:11,231 --> 00:10:14,268
Damn right. I'm an influencer,
so you give me a refund
252
00:10:14,303 --> 00:10:16,305
or I'll spread the word
that your damn cooler
253
00:10:16,339 --> 00:10:17,824
melts families together.
254
00:10:17,858 --> 00:10:20,827
Yeah, w-w-we're phasing
that model out,
255
00:10:20,861 --> 00:10:24,002
but I can give you 50% off
one of our new solar models.
256
00:10:24,037 --> 00:10:26,315
'Course, you'll have to
return that one.
257
00:10:26,349 --> 00:10:27,834
Ooh.
258
00:10:27,868 --> 00:10:29,870
All right,
take it off me.
259
00:10:29,905 --> 00:10:31,458
Gingerly now.
-Please be gentle.
260
00:10:31,492 --> 00:10:32,839
One, two, three.[ All screaming ]
261
00:10:32,873 --> 00:10:35,117
All right,
let me get that.
262
00:10:35,151 --> 00:10:38,776
50% off a new cooler,
baby.
263
00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:40,191
Access denied.
264
00:10:40,225 --> 00:10:41,813
Unregistered user.
265
00:10:41,848 --> 00:10:43,021
Oh, oh, oh!
266
00:10:43,056 --> 00:10:44,713
Oh, that hurts.
Oh, that hurts.
267
00:10:44,747 --> 00:10:47,888
Oh, right, sum'bitch ripped
our fingerprints off.
268
00:10:47,923 --> 00:10:49,338
So how we gonna open it,
Daddy?
269
00:10:49,372 --> 00:10:51,961
Just have to hope our skin
grows back, I guess.
270
00:10:51,996 --> 00:10:54,757
What matters now, Rusty,
is that people know we own it.
271
00:10:54,792 --> 00:10:56,000
Access denied.
272
00:10:56,034 --> 00:10:57,726
Unregistered user.Ow, damn!
273
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,382
Sheriff:
Well, Ball-Mart wasn't no help.
274
00:10:59,417 --> 00:11:03,455
They said if they separated me
from my Malamute, I'll die.
275
00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:05,112
Malamute, ha!
276
00:11:05,147 --> 00:11:06,804
Y'all ain't even got hats.
277
00:11:06,838 --> 00:11:08,115
-Ow!
-Aah!
278
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:09,289
-Get it off me!
-Aah!
279
00:11:09,323 --> 00:11:10,808
-Aah!
-Aah!
280
00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:12,119
Finally got a hat.
281
00:11:12,154 --> 00:11:15,364
Made in Georgia.
20540
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