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00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:10,010
♪ My dreams are all
dead and buried ♪
2
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:14,348
♪ Sometimes I wish the sun
would just explode ♪
3
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,718
♪ When God comes and calls me
to the kingdom ♪
4
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:21,555
♪ I'll take all you
sons of bitches when I go ♪
5
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,858
♪ Let it blow!
6
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:28,262
♪♪
7
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,563
My turn!
Hell no.
8
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:32,233
Hey, man, let me drive
that thing! Come on!
9
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,901
Do not touch the trim!
10
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,371
What in the hell?!
11
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,740
What the hell?!
12
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,276
What the hell?!
13
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,178
Oh, good morning there,
neighbor.
14
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,614
I'm just posting
"no trespassing" signs
15
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:50,284
on my land, to make sure you
don't set foot on my land,
16
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,220
which you thought
was your land,
17
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,422
which is all the land
around your house
18
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,890
except for the land
under your house.
19
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,426
I know it's your land,
even though I thought
20
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,960
it was my land
all this time.
21
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:02,396
But it's my land, ain't it?
Yep, it is.
22
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,765
'Cause the courts agree,
and so does the county,
23
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,234
and I got the deed
to prove it.
24
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,769
-J'ain't gotta rub it in!
25
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,771
An unauthorized
adjacent structure?
26
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,906
That there's my home-gym
workout room!
27
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,476
Bring it down.
28
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,778
No! My crapper! Damn!
29
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,914
Now you get this refuse
off my land.
30
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,784
But don't you dare...
trespass on...the land
31
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,919
to get the refuse...
off my --
32
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,921
You know what? Forget it!
33
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,923
This is my land.
This is my...refuse.
34
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,425
And I'll deal
with it myself!
35
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:33,227
Daddy, we need
to do somethin'.
36
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,762
Well, I'm fixin' to do
something, a'ight.
37
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,164
I'm fixin' to
threaten his ass!
38
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,832
You hear that, Dewey?!
I'm threatening your ass!
39
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,934
I'm ignoring you!
40
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,437
-He's ignoring you.
-I done ignored ya!
41
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,773
Nobody takes my threats serious
without my damn gun.
42
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,441
Your gun's
out in the truck.
43
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:51,445
That's on his land, too,
ain't it? Damn it.
44
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,186
You take one damn step
off that porch,
45
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,454
and I'll blow
your damn toes off.
46
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:03,023
I'd like to see you try!
Ow!! Damn!!
47
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,125
Well, I got more toes
where that'un come from!
48
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,328
Damn it!
You won't do it again!
49
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,463
You ain't got
the damn balls! Ow!!
50
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,965
Damn it. He does have
the damn balls.
51
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,602
But does he have enough balls
to do it agai-- Ow!!
52
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,205
Damn!! Ooh.
But the joke's on you, Dewey!
53
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,808
Hell yeah. 'Cause that wasn't
my toe. That was my hand.
54
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,344
Stop
blowing my damn fing--
55
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,813
At least
leave me some nubs
56
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,182
so I can scuttle back
to my shack!
57
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,818
I gotta run out
for a bit.
58
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,486
I'll see y'all
when I see ya.
59
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,222
Watch it!
He's gonna blow your toes off!
60
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,557
-Right this way, Ruby Jean.
-Oh, thank you, sweetie.
61
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,059
Why in the hell does she get to
set foot on your damn land?
62
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,528
Why don't you blow
her toes off, too?
63
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:43,497
We're gonna go visit
my daddy's grave.
64
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,900
And as you well know,
your mama had sex with my daddy
65
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:50,204
behind your daddy's back
for years and years
66
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,240
and years and years
and years.
67
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,342
You can't airbrush
the truth.
68
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:57,245
Can I please
go back to my truck
69
00:02:57,278 --> 00:03:00,581
to get my gun so I can
end this once and for all?
70
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,882
Uh, no, thank you.
71
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,984
Dewey Double J,
keep an eye on this mutt.
72
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,887
Make sure
he stays on his leash.
73
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,424
Dewey Duvall thinks
he can outsmart me?
74
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,061
I ain't got to set foot on his
damn land to get my truck.
75
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,596
-No, sir.
-Daddy, don't --
76
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,499
Don't what? Don't use this
live power wire as a zip line
77
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,601
to my truck where I can
get my damn gun?
78
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,736
-Don't, Daddy. Don't --
-Too late! Whoo!
79
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,204
Hell yeah! Wahoo!
80
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,715
I made it.
81
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,684
Hold on.
82
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,388
What the hell's goin' on?
Unh.
83
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,291
Ow!
84
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,859
Early, you really do need
to get back on your own land
85
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,562
and stop causing trouble
over here on the Duvall place.
86
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,431
Dewey Double J!
What'd I tell you
87
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,566
about shootin' people
with my shotgun?!
88
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,968
You are to use
the semi-automatic
89
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,870
I done give ya
for Bar Mitzvah!
90
00:03:56,904 --> 00:04:00,240
H-Hold on now, Dewey. Hold on.
This -- This ain't safe.
91
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,876
Shouldn't we put on some
ear protection or something?
92
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,412
-Oh, right. Here ya go.
93
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,246
-You can have these.
-Please don't.
94
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,949
-This here's got to be against
a law of some sort, ain't it?
95
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,084
Yeah, Early.
It's called trespassing.
96
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,320
And it's against the law.
97
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,054
All right, son,
stand your ground.
98
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,089
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Please!
99
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,126
Hold -- Hold up!
Hold up, son!
100
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,161
It's kickin'
all over the place.
101
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,096
Hold it tight to
your shoulder, now.
102
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,432
-I'm goin'.
103
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,500
There ya go.
That's a good groovy time.
104
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,802
-Call me if you need me.
105
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:34,107
All right. Enough of this.
Get this cowpie off my property.
106
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,344
Daddy!
Where's your eyeball?
107
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:39,780
I-I lost it during
the firefight.
108
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:44,017
You know, I used to call your
daddy "Dewdrop Honeydew."
109
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,454
Maybe I'll call you
"Dewey Two-ey."
110
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,458
That suits me fine, darlin'.
You take care, now.
111
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,193
Mwah.
112
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,165
Oh, baby. Yeah, yeah.
Mm! Yeah, yeah. Mm!
113
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,133
Boy, I tell ya.
114
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,370
The apple...don't fall
far from the tree.
115
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,105
And the shit don't fall
far from the butthole!
116
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,274
That sumbitch has done
took my land,
117
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,477
he's got a "will they,
won't they" sexual tension
118
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,844
with my mama.
119
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:14,948
What's next? Is he gonna open up
a taco shack right next door?
120
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,887
Bienvenido to the grand opening
of Duvall's Taco Jockey!
121
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,355
God damn it!
122
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,990
We never wanted to get
into the taco business,
123
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:26,827
but you said you didn't want it,
so you know we had to do it.
124
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,162
Well, I wouldn't want to open
a competing taco jockey
125
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,832
right next door to
an existing taco jockey.
126
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,535
But you painted my ass
into a corner, didn't you?
127
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:37,538
Bienvenidos
to the grand opening
128
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,173
of Cuyler's
Duvall's Taco Jockey!
129
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,309
Phew. That franchise fee
was stiff.
130
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,344
-But it was worth it.
131
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,180
We got no right-of-way,
no foot traffic, no customers,
132
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,817
no oven to cook a taco,
and no food to make a taco.
133
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,151
Shh!
He don't know that!
134
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,920
Taco Jockey ain't got no
customers either, Daddy.
135
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,688
Then the price war worked!
Whoo!
136
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,924
No, Daddy. They don't
even care about it.
137
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,526
There you go, son.
138
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,694
It's obvious they
opened that restaurant
139
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:01,862
just to fuck with you.
140
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,364
Maybe it's time for me
to fuck back.
141
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,233
No! You've tried
fuckin' back!
142
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,235
You have been
fuckin' back!
143
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:12,172
Maybe for once it's time
you don't fuck back.
144
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,174
♪♪
145
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,382
Granny: Welcome to Taco Jockey.
What can I getcha?
146
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,518
Bitch! Is that you
workin' in there?!
147
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:27,220
What can I get ya, honey?
148
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:30,390
I ain't here for food.
I'm here to make the peace.
149
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,225
But also probably
some food.
150
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,528
Sir, I'm sorry,
but we have a strict
151
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,030
"no shoes, no shirt,
no service" policy.
152
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,599
But this is a drive-thru!
153
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:41,435
Dewey Jr.: The dress code is
pretty clearly stated, sir.
154
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,571
I mean, we don't want
no shirtless riff-raff
155
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,305
in here eating tacos.
156
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:49,577
All right, fine.
I'll put on some damn clothes.
157
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:54,748
It's all right. You can touch
Duvall property. Go on.
158
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:03,423
I'm sorry, sir. This just
come down from corporate.
159
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,926
We reserve the right
to change our policy.
160
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,729
But I'm lookin' to make a peace!
A-And I'm hungry, too!
161
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,465
Well, the only thing
we're serving to you today
162
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,300
is a heapin' plate of crow
163
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,268
drizzled in
fuck-you sauce
164
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,238
with your choice
of sweet or unsweet
165
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,274
lick the wick of the tip
of my flesh flute!
166
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,145
Usually I'd berserk
on your ass
167
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,147
for speaking to me
in that fashion.
168
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,917
But I'm here in peace.
How did it come to this?
169
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,820
Two titans of the local
Mexican dining industry
170
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,354
at each other's throats.
171
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,625
Tell me, Dewey. What can I do
to heal the rift?
172
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,594
It's simple, really.
All you gotta do
173
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:44,532
is climb up that water tower
and say this simple phrase.
174
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,034
What the !
175
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,636
You also have to
wear a bikini
176
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,338
and tape a squirrel to your donger.
Oh hell no!
177
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,306
I'd sooner make love
to a hive of bees
178
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,308
than bow to your
damn demands!
179
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,044
Dewey Double J!
180
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:02,883
There's another hole in back
if you wanna get kinky.
181
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,387
My name is Early Cuyler.
182
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,156
My family is shit.
183
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,658
My legacy is nothing.
184
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:13,026
It's a miracle
I can even say these words,
185
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,494
I'm so goddamn dumb.
186
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,196
How do I even have children?
187
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,998
What fool from the opposite sex
188
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,534
would lie down in
carnal congress with me?
189
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,804
I am a complete failure,
a colossal fuck-nut.
190
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,707
If I ever dare
to show my face in town,
191
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,710
you are invited to spit
and/or shit upon it.
192
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,079
Thank you all for your time.
193
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,714
All these years.
194
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,183
I've longed to hear you
say them words.
195
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,485
We didn't think
you had it in you.
196
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,688
I did, and I do,
and I'll do it again
197
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,523
till the end of time
because I'm a man of pride!
198
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:47,360
Cuyler, you know, I think
it's time we bury the hatchet.
199
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,197
Let's us just sit down
and normalize relations
200
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,033
between our
two noble houses.
201
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,535
♪♪
202
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,371
There ya go.
Open it.
203
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:01,742
Aww. Is this the deed to me
gettin' my land back?
204
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:02,876
Oh, no, no, no.
205
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,912
That there's a save-the-date
fridge magnet.
206
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:09,416
Ruby Jean and I have decided
to have us a creepy marriage.
207
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:10,884
I've finally found someone
208
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,754
to share the last
few months of my life with!
209
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,556
And I, my love,
have finally found the person
210
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,727
who owns that last little
chunk of land that I want.
211
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,229
And I'm also gonna need you
to move out of that
212
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,264
flamin' shack
you call a house.
213
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,866
Early: What the?
Aw, come on! No!
214
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,435
Ruby Jean just give me that
in the dowry.
215
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,403
Yeah, I think
a marijuana grove
216
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,272
would look nice
right around here.
217
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,774
Oh, yes! I agree!
218
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,476
We can put that garden gnome
we were talkin' about
219
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,078
right in the middle!
220
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:40,113
That sounds lovely, dear.
221
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,985
Sheriff:
You must be right proud.
222
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,454
Didn't she used to
have sex with his daddy
223
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,822
behind your daddy's back?
224
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,759
And now she's
marryin' his son.
225
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,460
What a crazy world.
226
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:58,431
We are here to join Dewberry
Devereaux Duvall Jr, Sr, Sr...
227
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,568
Jr, Sr, Sr was
my daddy's name.
228
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:08,008
Please call me
Jr, Sr, Sr, Jr, Sr, Jr.
229
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,077
Sorry. Uh...
230
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:15,649
...and Ruby Jean Cuyler
in unconventional matrimony.
231
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:19,419
If anyone objects
to this...creepy union,
232
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,989
speak now...or later.
233
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,757
Speak whenever.
234
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,593
I feel weird doin' this.
Early?
235
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:30,297
I noticed you didn't bring your
shotgun or your compound bow.
236
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,700
I can't believe I'm sayin' this,
Early, but...
237
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,102
you need to run out to the truck
or anything?
238
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,806
This is your mama
and your most-hated rival.
239
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,608
Any objections, Early?
240
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,144
You usually like to speak
in these situations.
241
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,379
You're damn right!
I do wish to speak!
242
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,949
Daddy, don't.
It's over. He won.
243
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,418
Fine! Fine! We lose!
Fuck it!
244
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,452
God damn it!
245
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,055
Made in Georgia, okay?!
Made in Georgia!
18618
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