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♪♪
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00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:08,076
Dan Halen: Welcome, everyone,
to the recently renamed
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00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,744
Winter Solstice Festival.
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00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,146
In an effort to celebrate
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00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:14,248
the diversity
that seems to be inevitable,
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00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,484
regardless of what
immigration law we pass,
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00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:20,254
our annual Christmas tree
will now be called
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00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:24,358
The Evergreen
of Seasonal Inclusiveness!
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00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,693
[ Light applause, whistling ]
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00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,262
We added one of these
candleholders here
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00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:30,364
to celebrate the Jews
or something.
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00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,699
I think it's called
a menorah.
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00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,102
I think it's called
"Who told you to speak"?
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00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:37,171
Kwanzites, we give you
a half-hearted nod
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00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,440
for your recently adopted
weird thing
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00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,210
with a different-colored
menorah.
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00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:43,944
Actually, sir,
they call that a kinara.
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00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:46,013
I will have
your lungs removed.
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00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,582
[ Microphone feedback ]
Say another word. Say it!
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00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:51,419
[ Crowd murmuring ]
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00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,588
And for you atheists
and agnostics,
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00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:57,725
we have a portrait
of Neil deGrasse Tyson
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00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,528
staring at aliens
and black holes, whatever.
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00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,530
And finally,
to top the tree,
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00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,366
the traditional,
non-denominational
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00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,202
glitter-sphere
of ambiguity.
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00:01:08,236 --> 00:01:10,871
Have a very merry,
gender-neutral,
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00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,607
winter-based
period of time.
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00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,543
[ Electricity buzzes ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
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00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,211
There!
Have I given everyone
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00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,213
the ridiculous little ritual
you need
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00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:21,215
to grease the hinges
on your wallets?
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00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,816
What about the Muslims?
What about them?
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00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:25,486
Stores are open.
We have numbers to hit!
35
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:26,787
Get consuming!
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00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:28,722
[ Door chimes ]
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00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,891
Yeah, I think we got
everybody covered.
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00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:33,761
He included every dumb
son of a bitch under the sun.
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00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:34,895
What's next?
40
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,430
Santa Claus coming down
your chimney
41
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:37,998
to perform
abortions on demand?
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00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,267
This sickens me.
43
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,602
Come on, God damn it.
Let's go shopping.
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00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:45,105
Aw, they run out of them
little, tiny critters
45
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:49,243
that sit up on your bookshelf
and get off on watching you pee.
46
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:50,911
Yeah, that ain't
what they for, Granny.
47
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:54,348
Listen, what I do in my bedroom
is my own business.
48
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,150
Why don't you try
one of these knock offs?
49
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,519
The Jew in the Loo?
Kwanzaa Keith?
50
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,021
What happened to all the good
Jesus-Loving Elves?
51
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:02,623
Or are they banned now?
52
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,258
No, they're sold out,
daddy.
53
00:02:04,292 --> 00:02:06,994
Hey, brown sugar.
You into water sports?
54
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,329
That's it!
55
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,364
I'm declaring a war
on the War on Christmas!
56
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:13,467
We're taking
our holiday back!
57
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,136
Early: If you take "Christ"
out of Christmas...
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00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,305
[ Screams ]
59
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,639
...all you got is "mas."
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00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:22,042
[ Screams ]
And I say "No mas" to that.
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00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,110
Ohh!
It hurts!
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00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,478
You do know
at Christmas,
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00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,548
Jesus was only
a little, tiny baby?
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00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,483
What the hell
are you saying?
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00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,319
You already got
that baby-diaper,
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00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,886
you just shoulda stayed
a baby.
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00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:37,358
Shut that damn face-anus
of yours and nail my other arm.
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00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,659
Oh, it's heavy.
69
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:40,328
Take it off safety, now.
But it's so heavy.
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00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,196
No, no, no!
Don't set it right there!
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00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,797
[ Screams ]
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00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:46,066
Oh, that's heavy.
Ahh!
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00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,068
You nailed me
through the forehead.
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00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:49,703
That ain't
biblically accurate!
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00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:52,039
[ Grunts ]
Pry me off this floor.
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00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:54,508
I-I need to spread
some Gospel.
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00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,976
[ Liquid pours,
doorbell chimes ]
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00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,679
Thank you.
Happy holidays.
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00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:02,049
Season's greetings.
What can I get going for you?
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00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:05,152
One venti
triple cappuccino.
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00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,421
[ Grunts ]
Room for cream.
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00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:10,391
Should I put your name
as "Jesus Christ"?
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00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,760
No, my name is not
"Jesus Christ,"
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00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,027
but I speak for him.
85
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,997
And I say stop shitting
all over his birthday.
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00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,032
Just tell me
what name to put.
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00:03:19,066 --> 00:03:21,168
My name
is "Merry Christmas."
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00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,703
And I'm gonna sit
way over here,
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00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,406
so that you got to call it out
nice and loud.
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00:03:25,439 --> 00:03:27,207
Your corporate overlords
don't like it,
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00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,343
but I'm gonna
make you say it.
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00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:30,611
Daddy, please don't
make a scene.
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00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,112
The hell
are you doing here?
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00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,848
Slinging hot-bean water
for a bunch of sodomites?
95
00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,850
I'm just picking up extra shifts
during the holid--
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00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,452
Don't you say that word.
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00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:39,953
Christmas, Daddy. Okay?
Christmas.
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00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:43,190
"Merry Christmas,"
your drink is ready.
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00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,359
Say it louder, now.
Say my name.
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00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:47,895
"Merry Christmas,"
your drink is ready.
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00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,863
That's right.
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00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,965
[ Grunts ]
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00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,367
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
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00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,536
Oh. Ooh. Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm.
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00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,771
[ Smacks lips ]
Pretty good beverage, there.
106
00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,541
Fitting you'd have a big ol'
snowflake on your cups,
107
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,209
'cause that's what
y'all are in here --
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00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,811
a bunch of damn
snowflakes!
109
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,814
Now ring me up another.
And bring a straw this time!
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00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,216
♪♪
111
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,651
Where's my coffee?
112
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,420
Where's my sumbitchin' coffee,
God damn it?
113
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,154
I can feel my hair
growing inside my head!
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00:04:14,187 --> 00:04:15,656
"Jesus Christ
is the one true Lord,
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00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,591
the virgin Mary brought
forth her first-born son
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00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,159
and wrapped him
in swaddling clothes
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00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:21,795
and laid him in a manger because
there was no room at the inn,"
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00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,264
your caramel macchiato
is ready.
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00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:25,966
[ Gulping ]
120
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,735
I done told you,
"More whipped cream"!
121
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,503
How many sumbitchin' times
I gotta say it?!
122
00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:33,173
D-Daddy, it's closing time,
and we need to settle up.
123
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:36,477
$70,000?!
For hot-bean wash?
124
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:37,811
What would Jesus pay?
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00:04:37,845 --> 00:04:39,413
He would pay the whole bill,
Daddy.
126
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,681
But the spirit
was ordering through me.
127
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,916
I-I-I ain't got
nothing to do with it.
128
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,251
This here deal is off.
129
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,819
I was merely His vessel.
130
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,855
I'm boycotting this.
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00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,757
[ Doorbell dings ]
Ugh. thank God.
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00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,791
Happy holidays.
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00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:51,792
Shut up!
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00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,427
♪♪
135
00:04:53,461 --> 00:04:57,097
Car, everybody! Car!
Phones down! Phones down!
136
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:00,167
[ Rock music plays, fades ]
137
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,702
I think they ain't slowing down
138
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,438
'cause Baby Jesus
got him a mustache.
139
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:05,706
I ain't shaving.
140
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,475
It took me five years
to grow this.
141
00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:09,510
[ High-pitched ]
I think we're all gonna have
142
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,045
a very
Myrrh-y Christmas.
143
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,647
[ Normal voice ]
Good one, Myrrh.
144
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:17,551
[ Low-pitched ] And to all
a good...uh...Frankincense.
145
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:19,620
[ High-pitched ] More like
"not-making-sense."
146
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,021
[ Normal voice ] Myrrh!
[ Laughs ]
147
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:24,291
You're on fire.
Call the burn ward.
148
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,959
[ Chuckling ] These guys
are a couple cutups.
149
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,395
[ Chuckles ]
150
00:05:27,428 --> 00:05:28,829
Look at this shit show.
151
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,498
-Oh, hey, Early.
-Hi, Early!
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00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,232
With a Mary that size,
hell, I can see why
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00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:33,634
there wasn't no room
in the damn inn.
154
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,302
Oh, I'm gonna fuck
you up.
155
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,404
Whoa, whoa!
Hold on, biggin'.
156
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,705
Hands off, now.
157
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,007
I thought your time was
"too valuable
158
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,042
to be standing on the shoulder
of the road
159
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,477
with a thumb up your ass."
160
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,413
Well, that sounds like
the words of a wise man.
161
00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,980
[ Low-pitched ]
There's already three of us.
162
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,582
[ High-pitched ]
Yeah, who's this asshole?
163
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:49,917
[ Normal voice ]
Chill out, bros.
164
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,051
Nobody's after your job,
165
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,320
especially the way
we're crushing this.
166
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:54,755
Well, if you want
to volunteer, Early,
167
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,089
we're still light on animals.
168
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,258
We still need a jackass.
169
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,794
Oh, I think Glenn's already
got that well covered.
170
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,663
I'm a camel, dick-weed.
171
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,898
Whatever gets you through
the night, Glenn.
172
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:07,034
Yeah, you got a real fine
petting zoo, here.
173
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,902
But if y'all really want
to save Christmas,
174
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:10,604
we need to fight
this here war
175
00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:13,073
house-to-house
and block-to-block.
176
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,675
[ Doorbell chimes ]
177
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,410
All: [ Off-key ] ♪ We wish
you a Merry Christmas ♪
178
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:18,045
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
179
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,047
♪ We wish you
a Merry Christmas ♪
180
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,615
♪ And a Merry Christmas
181
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,751
♪ Merry Christmas,
Christmas, Christmas ♪
182
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,052
♪ Christmas, Christmas
183
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,787
♪ Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas ♪
184
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,656
♪ As intended by God
185
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,725
I just didn't want
the message to get muddled
186
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,127
with all them other
secular words.
187
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:39,199
♪ Silent night, holy night
188
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,401
♪ It's "Merry Christmas"
189
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,971
♪ You better say it right
190
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:48,075
♪ Not "season's greetings"
or "happy holidays" ♪
191
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:52,880
♪ For you, the hottest fires
of Hell will blaze ♪
192
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:56,383
♪ Not generic tidings
and wishes of well ♪
193
00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:01,455
♪ You're all gonna die
like fat pigs in Hell ♪
194
00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:03,123
Hey!
Where's my backup, here?
195
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,626
I'm sorry, but I'm done
threatening people in song.
196
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:07,595
Well, I sure as hell ain't.
Happy holidays.
197
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,497
I got me another
Christmas carol to sing!
198
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,799
[ Doorbell ringing ] ♪ Make your
mouth say "Merry Christmas" ♪
199
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,267
♪ Merry Christmas,
Merry Christmas, Christmas ♪
200
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:16,003
Open that goddamn door!
201
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,672
Early:
Merry Christmas Eve, y'all.
202
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:21,842
Oh, Early, a gift?
You shouldn't have.
203
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:23,944
I know.
I only did it to prove a point.
204
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,779
I got everybody gifts
from companies
205
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,781
that only wish strictly
"Merry Christmas."
206
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:31,685
Ain't no companies that do that,
so I had to make me some stuff.
207
00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,354
Ooh, goody!
It's a whistle!
208
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:39,927
I can finally achieve my dream
of becoming an NBA referee.
209
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,361
Fffffft! Foul!
210
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:46,700
Ffffffffft!
Technical -- [ Mumbles ]
211
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,869
Here.
Open yours, Tammi.
212
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,438
Well, uh,
as much as we'd love to stay,
213
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,041
we're taking Randy down to
the Winter Solstice Festival.
214
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,643
[ Door opens ]
The what festival?!
215
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,778
P.C. pablum run amok!
216
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,212
I refuse to attend.
217
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,714
Great.
See ya later.
218
00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,050
[ Sleigh bells jingling ]
219
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,885
[ Cheering,
train whistle blares ]
220
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:08,055
The Evergreen
of Seasonal Inclusiveness?
221
00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:12,492
I've opened the yuletide tent
to every Scientologist,
222
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:15,963
goat-worshipping Wiccan,
and for what?!
223
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,998
No net increase
in fourth-quarter earnings
224
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,968
after adjustment
for inflation -- zero!
225
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,703
Aw, Mr. Halen.
226
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,371
It don't matter
whether I say
227
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:28,075
"Happy holidays" to a atheist
or "merry Christmas" to a Jew.
228
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:31,579
No matter what your skin color
or what God you worship,
229
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,715
we're all in this
together.
230
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,650
Was that it?
That's your message?
231
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,418
"Stuff happens,
no one cares"?
232
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,320
That's the big takeaway?
233
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,722
I-I guess so.
234
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:43,090
You want a hug?
No.
235
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,658
I want you to take
a cold shower.
236
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,226
Your erection
is highly inappropriate.
237
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,096
[ Chuckling ]
This suit's just so soft.
238
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,197
[ Crowd gasping ]
No!
239
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,265
The non-denominational sphere
of ambiguity!
240
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:56,269
And, lo, the angel of the Lord
came upon them.
241
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,437
-Ah! Early!
-Early!
242
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,706
-Daddy!
-Hi, Early!
243
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,107
Jump.
[ Laughs ]
244
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,610
"I bring you tidings
of great joy.
245
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:05,679
For unto you is born
this day a Savior.
246
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,948
Lo!
What child is this?"
247
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,549
Tammi: Randy! Oh, my God!
He's got my baby up there!
248
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:10,618
Daddy, put him down!
That's my boy!
249
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,085
-Oh, my God!
-Hi, Randy!
250
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:14,287
It's me, Granny!
I'm down here, too.
251
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:18,592
Now that I have your attention,
merry Christmas, everybody.
252
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,260
Now say it back to me!
I said it to you!
253
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,362
All right, everybody,
do as he says.
254
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,131
All: Merry Christmas.
255
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,966
And from now on,
that's how we gonna
256
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,635
greet each other
in this town.
257
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,969
No "hello,"
no "goodbye,"
258
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,438
no "I'm sorry,"
no "gesundheit."
259
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,607
Only "merry Christmas"!
Are we clear on this?
260
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,908
[ Indistinct murmuring ]
261
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:36,710
No! You say
"Merry Christmas" to that!
262
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,311
All: Merry Christmas!
263
00:09:38,345 --> 00:09:41,381
We said it, now bring my son
down here, you son of a bitch.
264
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,652
Also, the living nativity
will now be year 'round
265
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,486
so nobody forgets the reason
for the season.
266
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,821
Can I get me
a "Merry Christmas"?
267
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,389
All: Merry Christmas.
268
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,791
I can't hear you.
269
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:52,492
All: Merry Christmas!
270
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,394
[ Sighs ] Finally.
271
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,896
That's all I ever wanted,
y'all.
272
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,931
A little yuletide cheer
never killed nobody.
273
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,800
Boom! I got him!
Whoa! Whoa!
274
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:00,934
Aah!
275
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,335
-Oh, my God. Randy!
-That's my boy up there!
276
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:03,937
I'm gonna die!
Ahh! Ahh!
277
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:07,074
Everybody, grab the Evergreen
of Seasonal Inclusive--
278
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,742
Ah.
279
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,911
Grab the Christmas tree!
280
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,146
-Grab the tree, y'all.
-You keep that tree steady now.
281
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,683
-Oh, my God.
-Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, Lord.
282
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,185
Thank you, Jesus.
283
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,920
Aah! Aah!
-The tree-top! It's brittle.
284
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,623
We forgot to water it!
I'm gonna die! Aah! Aah!
285
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,092
[ Crowd screaming ]
286
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,361
♪♪
287
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:29,763
-Whoo!
-Randy! Thank God.
288
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,531
All right, you're alive!
Oh, my God.
289
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:33,033
It's a Christmas miracle.
290
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,802
Merry Christmas, Jesus Christ.
291
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,671
Thank you for keeping us safe
and unharmed.
292
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:39,006
[ People groaning ]
293
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,341
For Christ's sake,
call the doctor.
294
00:10:41,374 --> 00:10:45,012
[ Patriotic music plays ]
295
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:49,516
♪♪
296
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:50,550
Merry Christmas,
297
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,452
and happy
4th of July, dick.
298
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,687
Merry Christmas,
299
00:10:53,721 --> 00:10:55,022
and get your fat ass
back here, Glenn.
300
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,456
You signed up
to be the camel.
301
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,392
I did that back in December,
so, uh, not happening.
302
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,128
It's July, Early.
303
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,697
[ Low-pitched ] Can we call it
a day on this nativity thing?
304
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,298
[ High-pitched ]
We only agreed to all this
305
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,000
to save the boy's life.
306
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,402
Early: And now they won't even
let me within 2,000 feet of him.
307
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:12,072
I still say he'd make
a better baby Jesus than me.
308
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,907
I mean, these swaddling clothes
is hot as hell.
309
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,176
Merry Christmas, Early.
See my cup?
310
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:17,344
Enough already!
311
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,885
Ho ho ho!
Made in Georgia.
23022
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