Original subtitles

WELL, I'M SORRY, BOYS.

THAT'S THE ONLY KIND OF PILLOWS WE GOT.

OH, HOWDY, BARNEY.

GOT THE MAIL, DID YOU?

YEAH. GOT ANOTHER BUNCH OF CHRISTMAS CARDS.

MORE CHRISTMAS CARDS, I DECLARE.

SEEM LIKE MORE FOLKS REMEMBERED US THIS YEAR

THAN THEY EVER DID. YEAH.

I REALLY DO LOVE TO GET 'EM, TOO.

I'D RATHER OPEN CHRISTMAS CARDS

THAN ANYTHING I KNOW OF.

OH, DeFLOYD, UH-HUH.

I AIN'T SEEN HIM IN A LONG TIME.

OH, THAT'S PRETTY.

AIN'T THAT NICE?

YEAH.

"HAVE THE MERRIEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

HAPPY NEW YEAR." BOY.

HEY, ANDY, REMEMBER THE HUBACHER BROTHERS?

OH, YEAH. THEY SENT US A CARD THIS YEAR, DID THEY?

YEAH. THEY ALWAYS SEND OUT SUCH A NICE FAMILY PICTURE.

YEAH. WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

UP IN STATE PRISON.

YEAH?

THAT'S NICE.

I DECLARE, I BELIEVE I LIKE

THE ONE THEY SENT LAST YEAR BETTER, THOUGH.

IT WAS MORE OUTDOORSY AND CHRISTMASY FEELING TO IT.

THEY WAS WORKING OUT ON THE COUNTY ROAD THEN.

OH, YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT.

LOOK AT THAT ELMER.

YEAH. HE'S THE BABY, AIN'T HE?

YEAH. AIN'T HE GROWED?

"MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM STATE PRISON."

YEAH. I THINK IT'S JUST WONDERFUL

THAT THEY'RE ALL TOGETHER AT CHRISTMAS.

I DO, TOO.

OH, THERE'S ONE FOR YOU MARKED "PERSONAL.

OH.

[ HUMMING CHEERFUL TUNE ]

OOH, AIN'T THAT PRETTY? RED.

OH.

[ CHUCKLING ]

THAT'S SWEET.

WELL, WHO'S IT FROM?

WHAT?

THAT CARD THERE, WHO'S IT FROM?

THE CARD?

YEAH.

OH.

[ MUMBLING ]

WHO?

HILDA MAY.

OH, YOUR SWEETHEART SENT YOU

A CARD FOR CHRISTMAS, DID SHE?

YEAH. CHRISTMAS. SHE WOULD.

YEAH? WHAT'D SHE SAY THAT WAS SWEET?

"SWEET"?

YEAH. I HEARD YOU SAY

"SWEET" WHILE YOU WAS READING IT.

OH, SHE SAID...SAID, "MERRY CHRISTMAS."

YEAH?

MM-HMM.

WHAT ELSE'D SHE SAY THAT WAS SWEET?

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, BARNEY."

COME ON, BARNEY, YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT SHE SAID.

WHAT'D SHE SAY TO YOU THAT WAS SO SWEET?

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, BARNEY PARNEY POOH."

"POOH"?

POOH! I DON'T WANT TO OPEN ANY MORE CARDS.

WELL, TRY PUTTING A FEW OF THESE

UP ON THE BULLETIN BOARD THERE, WILL YOU?

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

OH, HEY, AUNT BEE.

YES, MA'AM. I GOT THE DOODADS FOR THE TREE.

AND ELEANOR, SHE'S BRINGIN' THE EGGNOG

AND NOW WE GOT TO HAVE SOMEBODY TO PLAY SANTA CLAUS TONIGHT

AND WE'RE SET.

HUH? NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE SANTA CLAUS AGAIN THIS YEAR.

I WAS LAST YEAR.

WHAT?

BARNEY?

WELL, I RECKON I COULD TELL OPIE

THAT SANTA CLAUS HAS BEEN ON A DIET.

I STILL THINK HE'S A MITE SKINNY FOR THE JOB,

BUT I'LL GIVE IT A TRY.

HEY, BARNEY.

SAY SOMETHIN' LIKE SANTA CLAUS.

HO, HO, HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS.

TRY PUTTIN' A "POOH" ON THE END OF IT.

OH, NOTHIN', AUNT BEE.

I WAS JUST PICKIN' AT BARNEY A LITTLE BIT.

I'LL BE HOME PRETTY SOON, I RECKON.

COUPLE OF HOURS, I RECKON.

AIN'T NOTHIN' MUCH GOING ON DOWN HERE.

ALL RIGHT.

BYE.

OH, BOY, WE GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.

AUNT BEE'S GOT EVERYTHING.

WE GONNA SING AND LAUGH,

AND YOU' BE SANTA CLAUS.

NO, I WON'T. WELL, WHY NOT?

I AIN'T GONNA BE THERE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AIN'T GONNA BE THERE?

OH, NOT 'CAUSE I PICKED AT YOU

A LITTLE BIT ABOUT HILDA MAY.

OH, NO, NO, NO.

THAT AIN'T IT, ANDY.

WHAT IS IT, THEN?

WELL, AS LONG AS WE GOT US

SOME PRISONERS IN THE CELLS THERE,

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO STAY HERE ON DUTY.

OH, YEAH, NOW, THAT DOES MAKE A PROBLEM, DON'T IT?

IT SURE DOES.

WITH A LITTLE PRACTICE, I COULD HAVE DONE

A MEAN "HO, HO, HO, MERRY CHRISTMAS."

YEAH, YEAH.

HEY, BARNEY, I JUST HAD A THOUGHT.

NOW, WHAT DO WE GOT THEM BOYS IN THERE FOR?

WELL, JIM THERE WAS DISTURBING THE PEACE....

NO, THAT AIN'T WHAT I MEAN.

WE GOT THEM IN THERE TO KIND OF TEACH THEM A LESSON.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT?

YEAH.

YEAH. WELL, DON'T THAT MAKE THEM KIND OF LIKE STUDENTS

AND US KIND OF LIKE TEACHERS

AND THIS HERE JAIL HERE KIND OF LIKE A SCHOOL?

YEAH.

YEAH. WELL, EVERYBODY KNOWS THE STUDENTS

GET A VACATION FROM SCHOOL DURING CHRISTMAS.

YEAH!

YEAH. SURE.

ALL RIGHT, STUDENTS,

I'M GONNA LET YOU OUT OF SCHOOL

TILL AFTER CHRISTMAS.

[ PRISONERS SHOUTING ]

NOW, NOW, LISTEN.

LISTEN HERE, NOW.

ANY STUDENT THAT AIN'T BACK AS SOON AS CHRISTMAS IS OVER

IS GONNA BE PICKED UP

BY THIS TRUANT OFFICER RIGHT HERE

AND DO A WHOLE LOT OF EXTRA STAYING AFTER SCHOOL.

NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

YUP. UNDERSTAND.

ALL RIGHT. SCHOOL'S DISMISSED.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, ANDY.

[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE ]

THANKS, BARNEY.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

BE CAREFUL CROSSING THE STREET, NOW,

AND DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH.

YEAH.

WELL, NOW, I DON'T SEE

WHY WE HAVE TO HAVE A TEACHER ON DUTY

WITH AN EMPTY SCHOOL, DO YOU?

NO. HEY, LISTEN, ANDY. HOW'S THIS SOUND TO YOU?

HO, HO, HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

OH, THAT SOUNDS THE BEST SANTA CLAUS I EVER HEARD.

ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF, LOCK HIM UP.

WHAT FOR?

MOONSHINING.

I CAUGHT HIM RED-HANDED.

AND HERE'S THE EVIDENCE.

HMM.

EWW.

WELL, I'LL HAVE TO ADMIT, IT AIN'T EXACTLY SARSAPARILLA.

I WASN'T MEANING TO SELL IT, SHERIFF.

I...I JUST MADE A BATCH TO KIND OF MERRY UP CHRISTMAS.

A-HA. HE ADMITS IT. HE CONFESSED.

YOU HEARD HIM, SHERIFF. LOCK HIM UP.

LOCK HIM UP?

BUT SCHOOL'S OUT.

I MEAN...

COME ON, SHERIFF, DO YOUR DUTY.

WELL, NOW, BEN, YOU HEARD HIM SAY HE DIDN'T MAKE IT TO SELL,

AND AFTER ALL, TOMORROW BEIN' CHRISTMAS

AND SAM, HERE, BEIN' A FAMILY MAN

AND CHRISTMAS BEIN' A FAMILY HOLIDAY,

I WAS JUST WONDERIN'...

NO, SIR.

I'D LIKE TO SEE HOW FORGIVIN' YOU'D BE

IF YOU HAD A STORE THAT SOLD SPIRITS

AND HALF THE COUNTY WAS CUTTIN' IN ON YOUR SALES

BY MAKIN' THEIR OWN, AGAIN' THE LAW.

WELL, NOW, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, BEN.

BUT LIKE I SAY, AFTER ALL, IT IS CHRISTMAS.

CHRISTMAS? HA!

NOW, NOW, BEN, I GIVE YOU MY WORD.

I GIVE YOU MY WORD, RIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS

I'LL ARREST HIM AND TRY HIM

STRICTLY ACCORDIN' TO THE LAW.

NO, AND I'M GONNA KEEP MY EYE ON THIS JAILHOUSE,

AND IF THIS HERE MOONSHINER AIN'T IN THAT CELL

EVERY MINUTE OF THE TIME,

I'M GONNA REPORT YOU TO THE STATE OFFICIALS

FOR BEIN' DERELICT IN YOUR DUTY.

AND YOU KNOW THEY GOT ENOUGH PULL UP THERE

TO MAKE IT STICK.

BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS.

CHRISTMAS? HA!

IF THAT AIN'T THE MEANEST, ORNERIEST, LOW-DOWNEST MAN.

WELL, COME ON, SAM.

I'M SORRY.

I TRIED TO TALK TO HIM,

BUT I'VE HAD DEALINGS WITH HIM BEFORE

AND I DECLARE, YOU JUST CAN'T DO ANYTHING WITH HIM.

YEAH. I SURE FEEL LOW THINKIN' OF MY FAMILY

SPENDIN' CHRISTMAS WITHOUT THEIR PAPPY.

YEAH.

ANDY?

HMM?

COULDN'T WE JUST DISMISS SCHOOL AGAIN?

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT, BARNEY.

IF IT WAS JUST UP TO ME, WE COULD,

BUT THIS IS DIFFERENT.

AND HE'S RIGHT.

HE COULD MAKE A WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE FOR US.

YEAH, AND I SURE WAS LOOKIN' FORWARD

TO PLAYIN' SANTA CLAUS.

* JINGLE BELLS

* JINGLE BELLS

* JINGLE ALL...

NO, BY DOG.

THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO PLUCK A BUZZARD!

YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT.

GET IN THERE, YOUNG 'UNS.

GOT A HUG FOR YOUR DADDY?

WE'RE GONNA HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AFTER ALL.

ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF, I WARNED YOU I WAS GONNA BE WATCHING OUT

FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS.

SHENANIGANS? I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, BEN.

OH, DON'T YOU?

THEN WHY'D YOU BRING SAM'S WIFE AND YOUNG 'UNS HERE?

WHY, I WAS JUST TENDING TO

MY SWORN DUTY LIKE YOU TOLD ME TO.

"SWORN DUTY"?

WHY, CERTAINLY.

I DIDN'T LET THE FACT IT WAS CHRISTMAS

KEEP ME FROM ARRESTIN' 'EM.

"ARRESTIN' 'EM"?

YEAH!

BESS, DID YOU KNOW

THAT THE PARTY OF THE FIRST PART

ONE SAM MUGGINS IS MAKING A BATCH

OF MOONSHINE?

EFFIE, HONEY, DID YOU KNOW?

BILLY?

THERE YOU ARE.

IF THAT DON'T MAKE THEM ACCESSORIES

BEFORE, DURING, AND AFTER THE FACT,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT DOES.

BUT--BUT...

YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME

TO LET THREE SUCH DESPERATE CRIMINALS

RUN AROUND LOOSE IN OUR FAIR TOWN, WOULD YOU?

WELL, I, UH...

AH, GOOD!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BARNEY!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

OH, MERRY CHRISTMAS, AUNT BEE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

LET ME HELP YOU HERE.

I HOPE YOU MADE THAT GOOD ORANGE DRESSING

LIKE YOU DID LAST YEAR.

SHERIFF!

LOOK AT THAT GOOD-LOOKING TURKEY.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE OUT THERE TO COME IN, AUNT BEE?

OH, YES, BARNEY.

THERE'S A WHOLE BASKETFUL OF FOOD OUT THERE.

I BETTER GIVE YOU A HAND.

GIVE 'EM A HAND. HELP EVERYBODY.

LISTEN HERE, SHERIFF...

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

AH, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

OH, LOOK AT THAT EGGNOG!

ALL RIGHT, I'LL TAKE A LITTLE BITE OF THAT.

MMM.

LET ME GET AROUND HERE.

GOLLY, THAT'S GOOD EGGNOG.

BEN, YOU WANT A LITTLE EGGNOG?

NO, I DON'T!

HOW ABOUT YOU?

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE,

THAT'S ALL.

WHAT'S GOING ON

IS I'M JUST TAKING YOUR GOOD ADVICE, BEN.

MY ADVICE? WHEN DID I ADVISE YOU TO HAVE A PARTY HERE?

OH, PARTY...GOLLY, NO.

I JUST GOT TO WONDERIN'

WAS I BEING DUTIFUL ENOUGH

LEAVING THESE DESPERATE CHARACTERS HERE

GUARDED BY ONLY ONE DEPUTY.

"NO, SIR," I SAYS TO MYSELF.

SO I JUST WENT OUT AND SWORE ME IN A FEW MORE DEPUTIES.

NO, SIR!

AIN'T NOBODY GONNA ESCAPE

FROM THIS JAIL THIS NIGHT.

Barney: OKAY, SAM, SHE'S ALL READY.

LOOK, KIDS-- THEY GOT US A CHRISTMAS TREE!

PUT IT BACK OVER THERE, BARNEY.

THANK YOU.

AIN'T THAT PRETTY?

OH, BOY, THAT'S A PRETTY TREE.

A LITTLE TREE FOR A LITTLE ROOM.

PUT HER RIGHT ON THAT TABLE THERE.

IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL LOCKING UP A PRISONER?

OH...WELL, I JUST GOT TO THINKING

WITH ALL THESE DEPUTIES I GOT ON DUTY HERE

NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO TRY OUT THE HONOR SYSTEM

THE STATE PENAL COMMISSION RECOMMENDED.

IT'S DISGRACEFUL.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS-- DISGRACEFUL!

A PRISONER IS FOR PUNISHIN', NOT FOR PICNICKIN'.

WELL, I ALWAYS THOUGHT A PRISON WAS A PLACE

FOR TEACHIN' WRONGDOERS TO GET BACK ON THE PATH.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT?

WELL, YES, BUT...

SAM, YOU FIGURIN' ON DOIN' ANY MORE MOONSHININ'

WHEN YOU GET OUT?

NO, SHERIFF.

YOU SEE? IT'S WORKING ALREADY.

I BETTER HELP YOU

WITH THAT TREE, BARNEY.

* DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY *

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA *

* 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA *

* DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL *

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA *

* TROLL THE ANCIENT YULETIDE CAROL *

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA *

[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE ]

* DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY *

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA

* LA-LA-LA-LA

* 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA

* LA-LA-LA-LA

* DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL *

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA

* LA-LA-LA

* TROLL THE ANCIENT YULETIDE CAROL *

* FA-LA-LA-LA-LA, LA-LA-LA-LA *

PA, PA, COME QUICK. HURRY!

Andy: WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OUTSIDE-- A ROBBER!

THERE.

BEN!

WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

I'M TAKING THE BENCH.

THAT BENCH IS COURTHOUSE PROPERTY.

IT'S PUBLIC PROPERTY.

AND I'D LIKE TO SEE IT

SETTING OUT IN FRONT OF MY STORE FOR A WHILE.

YOU GOT ANY OBJECTIONS?

YOU OUGHT TO LOWER THE BOOM ON HIM RIGHT NOW.

LET'S RUN HIM IN.

NOW, BEN, I KNOW

THE HOLIDAYS DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU,

BUT I CERTAINLY WOULD FEEL MIGHTY BAD

IF I HAD TO LOCK A FELLER UP FOR CHRISTMAS.

NOW, YOU JUST PUT THE BENCH BACK WHERE IT WAS

AND GO ON HOME.

I AIN'T GONNA DO IT.

BEN, MUCH AS I HATE TO,

I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO LOCK YOU UP.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON. LET'S GO.

WAIT, ANDY.

STUBBORN AND MEAN AS HE IS,

IT I CHRISTMAS.

WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

THERE YOU ARE, BEN.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

COME ON.

THIS IS VERY FINE EGGNOG, AUNT BEE.

HOW'S THAT?

FINE. I WONDER WHAT'S KEEPING BARNEY.

WE CAN'T FINISH THE TREE.

OH, HE'LL BE ALONG IN A LITTLE BIT.

HOW LONG SHOULD IT TAKE HIM TO GO DOWN TO SMITH'S

FOR SOME EXTRA LIGHT BULBS?

COME ON IN.

BRINGIN' IN A PRISONER, SHERIFF.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?

PARKED HIS CAR IN FRONT OF A FIREPLUG.

I WROTE HIM OUT A TICKET, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?

TORE IT UP IN TEENY LITTLE PIECES, THAT'S WHAT HE DID.

COME ON, YOU.

WELL...WAIT-- WAIT A MINUTE.

DID YOU DO LIKE BARNEY SAID, BEN?

WHAT IF I DID?

WELL, THAT'S CONTEMPT OF THE LAW.

I HOPE YOU GOT YOURSELF A GOOD EXPLANATION.

I HAVE. YEAH? WHAT IS IT?

I'VE GOT CONTEMPT FOR THE LAW AROUND HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU EVER SAID THAT.

THROW THE BOOK AT HIM.

I SURE WOULD HATE TO PUT YOU AWAY FOR CHRISTMAS.

I TELL YOU WHAT WE'LL DO THIS TIME.

WE'LL JUST FORGET

ABOUT THAT LITTLE TICKET-TEARIN' EPISODE,

AND BARNEY, HERE, HE CAN WRITE YOU OUT

A NEW CITATION, ALL RIGHT?

FINE. THAT'LL GIVE ME THE PLEASURE

OF TEARIN' IT UP, TOO.

OKAY, RIGHT IN THE CELL. COME ON.

NOW...N-N-NOW, WAIT.

NOW, LISTEN, BEN.

A PARKIN' CITATION IS JUST TWO DOLLARS.

OTHERWISE IT'S GONNA BE TWO DAYS IN JAIL.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE THE TWO DAYS.

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

THAT YOU'RE GONNA SPEND CHRISTMAS IN JAIL

FOR THE SAKE OF TWO MEASLY DOLLARS?

CHRISTMAS! HA!

ALL RIGHT, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU WANT IT, HELP YOURSELF.

ANDY, WAIT.

HMM?

HERE.

WHAT'S THAT?

HIS FINE.

I DIDN'T ASK YOU.

I KNOW, BUT...WELL, IT I CHRISTMAS EVE.

WHY DON'T YOU STAY OUT OF THIS?

NOW, LOOK, SHERIFF...

OKAY, BEN.

ALL RIGHT, NOW, COME ON. COME ON.

YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BEN.

OUT.

WE'D BETTER FINISH THIS TREE HERE.

LISTEN, BARNEY, IF YOU'LL PUT THEM BULBS

RIGHT UNDER THERE WHERE THEY'RE MISSIN'...

OH, I DECLARE IT'S GONNA BE NICE.

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THIS ONE OR THAT ONE.

WE CHECKED ALL THE OTHERS.

LET ME TRY THIS ONE.

OKAY.

YEAH.

LOOSE WAS IT?

EVERYBODY, WE'RE GONNA LIGHT THE TREE.

OKAY, EVERYBODY.

BARNEY, YOU READY?

YUP.

ALL RIGHT, HIT IT.

[ CHEERING ]

OH, ANDY! THANK YOU.

DON'T THANK ME.

THANK OUR MASTER ELECTRICIAN HERE--

OLD BARNEY PARNEY POOH.

WELL, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME MAD TODAY.

IT'S CHRISTMAS.

IT IS.

HEY, SEE IF YOU CAN SEE SANTA CLAUS ANYWHERE.

YEAH.

OH, THAT IS THE PRETTIEST TREE I'VE EVER SEEN.

LOOK AT THAT TREE, YOUNG 'UNS.

AIN'T THAT PRETTY? UH-HUH.

[ BALLAD PLAYS ]

MM-HMM.

AH, LET'S SEE.

UH...UH...YEAH.

OH, YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

[ PICKING UP TEMPO ]

REMEMBER?

[ HUMMING TUNE ]

* AWAY IN A MANGER

* NO CRIB FOR A BED

* THE LITTLE LORD JESUS LAY DOWN HIS SWEET HEAD *

* THE STARS IN THE SKY LOOKED DOWN WHERE HE LAY *

* THE LITTLE LORD JESUS ASLEEP ON THE HAY *

* THE CATTLE ARE LOWING

* THE POOR BABY WAKES

* BUT LITTLE LORD JESUS, NO CRYING HE MAKES *

* I LOVE THEE, LORD JESUS, LOOK DOWN FROM THE SKY *

* AND STAY BY MY CRADLE TILL MORNING IS NIGH *

* AWAY IN A MANGER

* NO CRIB FOR A BED

* THE LITTLE LORD JESUS LAY DOWN HIS SWEET HEAD *

* THE STARS IN THE SKY LOOKED DOWN WHERE HE LAY *

* THE LITTLE LORD JESUS ASLEEP ON THE HAY *

YEAH, SHE'S A PRETTY GIRL, TOO.

Barney: HO, DONNER!

HO, BLITZEN!

HO, RUDOLPH!

HO, HO, HO!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

HO, HO, HO!

Aunt Bee: DINNER'S READY.

COME OVER HERE AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

GRAB YOURSELVES A PLATE.

OH, BOY.

[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE ]

EAT A WHOLE PLATE, NOW.

WHAT'S THAT?

SANTA CLAUS, DID YOU PARK YOUR REINDEERS OUT IN THE BACK?

HUH?

IT JUST SOUNDS LIKE DONNER AND BLITZEN AND RUDOLPH

AIN'T GETTIN' ALONG TOO GOOD.

MAYBE I'D BETTER GO SEE WHAT'S RILING THEM.

I'LL BE BACK IN A FEW MINUTES.

[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE ]

WHAT'S GOING ON...?!

BEN, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU A'DOIN'?

WELL, I...I JUST HAPPENED TO BE WALKING BY, AND...

IN THE ALLEY AND AT NIGHT?

WHAT IN THE WORLD FOR?

WHY, I, UH...

IT AIN'T NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, SHERIFF.

WELL, NOW, I AIN'T SO SURE IT AIN'T.

DISTURBIN' THE PEACE, LITTERIN', PROWLIN' MAYBE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU LOCK ME UP

AND I'LL SUE YOU FOR FALSE ARREST.

THREATENIN' AN OFFICER OF THE LAW.

I DECLARE, BEN,

I DON'T KNOW HOW A MAN CAN BE SO ORNERY.

FIRST THEM SPITEFUL VIOLATIONS EARLIER TODAY

AND NOW THIS.

I TELL YOU THE TRUTH, IF A FELLA WAS TRYIN'

TO GET HISSELF THROWED IN THE JUG

HE COULDN'T DO A BETTER JOB THAN...

OH, YOU'RE CRAZY.

WHY WOULD I DO A FOOL THING LIKE THAT?

YEAH, WHY WOULD YOU, BEN?

I BELIEVE THAT THAT TRIP DOWN FROM THE NORTH POLE

MADE ME HUNGRIER THAN I THOUGHT.

I'D LIKE TO HAVE ANOTHER WING, IF YOU GOT ONE THERE.

ANDY'S BEEN GONE AN AWFULLY LONG TIME.

I WONDER WHAT'S KEEPING HIM.

MAYBE HE TOOK A REINDEER RIDE.

BARNEY, WOULD YOU MIND GOING OUT

AND SEEING WHERE HE IS?

OH, SANTA CLAUS AT YOUR SERVICE, MA'AM.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

ANDY, WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT DID HE DO THIS TIME?

EMPTYING TRASH CANS ON THE CITY STREETS.

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

WHEN I NABBED HIM, HE INSISTED ON HIS LAWFUL RIGHT

OF GOING BACK TO HIS STORE

AND GETTIN' A FEW THINGS HE MIGHT NEED.

WELL, I HAD A RIGHT.

YEAH, YOU HAD A RIGHT, BEN.

SANTA CLAUS, YOU'D BETTER CHECK THAT SUITCASE THERE.

WE CAN'T HAVE HIM SMUGGLIN' IN ANY FILES.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL CHECK IT.

YOU'RE THE LIMIT, YOU KNOW THAT, BEN?

ELLIE, YOU DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT POLICE BUSINESS.

WHEN YOU PICK UP A PRISONER,

HE BRINGS IN A SUITCASE LIKE THAT

WHY, YOU GOT TO CHECK...

WELL, NOW, HOW'D THEM THINGS GET IN THERE?

I MUST HAVE MISTOOK 'EM FOR AN ELECTRIC RAZOR.

WELL, I AIN'T GOT NO USE FOR 'EM AROUND HERE.

NOW, I THOUGHT THAT WAS A PILLOW.

YEAH. HERE.

OH, FOR THE LAND'S SAKE.

YOU TAKE IT.

NOW, THAT AIN'T MY SHAVIN' LOTION.

HERE.

IT'S BEEN LAYING ON MY SHELF FOR A YEAR AT LEAST.

HERE. HERE.

OH, BEN, NO.

HERE.

BEN, I DECLARE YOU DIDN'T...

I DECLARE.

* NOEL, NOEL, THE ANGELS DID SING... *

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT AIN'T YOURS.

HERE.

* ...POOR SHEPHERDS IN FIELDS WHERE THEY LAY *

WELL, LET'S GO, BEN.

BETTER GET LOCKED UP.

Aunt Bee: BEN...

GOOD SUPPER. EXTRA GOOD.

ENJOYED THAT ORANGE DRESSING AGAIN.

ANDY, YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STAY AND GUARD?

NO, NO. YOU GO AHEAD ON HOME AND GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

YOU'RE PROBABLY ALL WORE OUT AFTER THEM "HO, HO, HOs."

I'LL HAVE TO ADMIT, WHEN YOU ZING THEM OUT RIGHT,

THEY DO WEAR A FELLER OUT.

GOOD NIGHT, BARNEY. GOOD NIGHT, AUNT BEE.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

HEY, SAM.

HMM?

YOU BETTER WAKE UP AND TAKE THE YOUNG 'UNS HOME

AND PUT 'EM INTO BED.

EASY NOW. DON'T DROP --

LOOK AT THAT DOLL.

SHE THINKS A LOT OF IT, DON'T SHE?

THAT'S RIGHT. JUST EASE HER DOWN.

ANDY, AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING?

A LITTLE MATTER OF A MOONSHININ' CHARGE?

I'LL BE DOGGED. I NEVER DID CHECK THAT EVIDENCE.

BETTER DO THAT.

HERE.

WELL, LOOKY THERE. IT'S EMPTY.

I CAN'T HARDLY HOLD YOU WITHOUT EVIDENCE, CAN I?

BUT IT WAS --

ANDY, YOU DIDN'T --

OH, NO, NO.

I WOULDN'T TAMPER WITH THE EVIDENCE.

WHY, THAT'D BE GOING AGAINST MY SWORN DUTY.

WHAT YOU RECKON HAPPENED TO IT?

WELL, I GOT TO STUDYIN' THAT IT WASN'T SAFE OUT IN THE OPEN

DURING THE PARTY WITH ALL THE PEOPLE

AND THE YOUNG 'UNS RUNNIN' AROUND.

IT COULD GET BROKE, YOU KNOW.

SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT IT IN THERE

WHERE IT'D BE SAFE IN THE CELL THERE WITH BEN.

BEN? YOU THINK HE DRUNK IT?

WELL, NOW, BEN WAS FEELING MIGHTY LOW THERE.

HE MIGHT'VE TOOK A LITTLE PICK-ME-UP.

A LITTLE PICK-ME-UP?

THERE WAS A WHOLE LOT IN THAT JUG.

WELL, NOW, YOU TAKE A MAN THAT STARTS OUT AS LOW AS BEN DID,

IT MIGHT TAKE A WHOLE LOT TO GET HIM PICKED UP.

YOU MEAN --

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED

BEN'S FULL OF THE EVIDENCE RIGHT NOW.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]