Original subtitles

(theme song plays)

(humming)

Away from the stove.

What are we having?

Wait and see.

Of course, I think we're right,

but a lot of people won't agree with us.

Time's up, lover-boy.

I got to get on that thing.

It'll just be up to us to show them they're wrong.

Dinner's ready, and Bub said to...

I know, Jean... "Come and get it!"

the same way about something as important as this is.

Now, there's nothing

to be nervous about tomorrow.

A guy could be dying, and you'd stay right on

playing footsie with Jean.

I got an application blank the other day.

Yeah, we can look it over...

Didn't you hear Chip?

Dinner's ready.

Now go wash up.

Look, just 'cause Dad's out of town

doesn't mean you can boss me around.

Now, come on, smooch her good-bye

and give me that phone, Mike. Just one of the kiddies, Jean.

Mike, come on, I gotta get on that thing. Come on, you guys!

Cut out this nonsense. Boy!

Get out. Look, Mike.

Get in there, you... Well, this guy...

I haven't got a chance.

Oh, boy, this will stand the senior class

on their ear, won't it?

I'll stand you on your ear

if you don't get in there.

Now! All right.

Well, look, Miss Benson,

couldn't you just read my theme to the ladies in your club

without showing them my clock collection?

When'll Dad be back?

About noon tomorrow.

And if he gets delayed, he'll call us up.

I don't see how he expects to get through

when Robbie keeps that phone busy

day and night with his yakking.

Oh, no, ma'am.

I'm not trying to back out.

It's just that bringing all those clocks

to the Women's Club is...

Okay, Miss Benson.

Sure.

4:00 tomorrow afternoon.

Bye.

Oh, boy.

BUB: Robbie, dishes!

Okay, I'm coming!

(thud)

Sit down, Robbie.

That phone's giving you a cauliflower ear.

Look who's talking.

Hey, that's cheating.

Well, at least Jean and I

have important things to talk about.

Oh, sure, very important stuff,

like, "Whose itty bitty sweetie is who?"

And "I's you's itty bitty sweetie, Mikey baby."

If there's one thing I can't stand,

it's a smart aleck child.

I'm a patient man most of the time, Bub,

but this juvenile... Hey, that's my arrow.

Now that you're a man, when are you gonna move out

and get married so I can have your room?

When, I'll tell you one thing...

When I do move out and get married,

you won't be there.

(both blowing)

You wash.

Bub?

Yeah?

Suppose a guy was in a spot

where he... where he had to pretend

he was something he wasn't

or had something he didn't have,

like, uh, unusual clocks or something and...

You're not getting those glasses clean.

And then somebody... Like his teacher...

Said, uh...

(high-pitched): "We'd like to see this collection of things

you have at 4:00 tomorrow"?

(normal voice): Course, I... this guy hasn't got them.

You're splashing water on my clean floor.

Robbie.

Hmm?

Where are you gonna get yourself

a bunch of unusual clocks by 4:00 tomorrow?

Well...

I just thought you'd like to read this.

"High School Elopements

on Upswing Throughout State."

(laughing)

"Educator Tells Teenage Marriage Problems."

Did you ever notice it's always some guy about 90

who tells us how we think?

Oh, sure, always.

We're not supposed to know anything at our age,

because we're children.

Say, do you think it'll be crowded

at the License Bureau?

Yeah, it's bound to be.

They dish out more marriage licenses on Saturday

than any other day of the week. (door closes)

Hi, Jean.

You finished with the hose, Mike?

Yeah, you can have it.

What are you kids doing, reading the funnies?

See? We're children.

We must be reading the funnies.

Save them for me, will you?

I've been looking for them all day.

Okay, Bub.

"Dr. Harrison Forbes said today

"that one reason for this teenage problem

"is that licenses are too easy to get

and young couples rush..."

BUB: You know, he's got a point there.

They're too darned easy.

Huh?

Anybody with a car can get a license nowadays.

No wonder traffic is in such a mess.

I have a dress to press and everything.

I want to look my best.

You're gonna be the prettiest girl there.

See you in about an hour.

Okay.

Where is everybody, Chip?

Robbie's in the attic looking for old clocks,

and Mike and Jean went someplace,

and boy, was he dressed up.

He had his hat on and everything.

Jean, too!

Can I have a banana?

Well, it's a little late to say no, isn't it?

I asked him where they were going,

and he said, "Get lost."

Well, that figures. Then Jean said,

"Are you sure the License Bureau

is open all day?"

Then Mike said,

"Sure, I phoned the City Hall this morning."

License Bureau?

They were reading about that in the paper.

So that's where they went, huh? Where?

Where you said: down to get a new driver's license.

Who's getting a driver's license?

Mike... Jean and him went down

to the City Hall and... Are you kidding?

You don't get a driver's license at the City Hall.

That's at the Motor Vehicle Department.

Bub, listen, a couple weeks ago,

Miss Benson assigned this theme on our hobbies...

You heard them say "City Hall," Chip? It looked like they're

going on a trip to me... Jean has...

Ah, Chip, they can't go away on a trip,

not just the two of them.

Why can't they? Mike's got a car.

Why can't they go on a trip?

Well, they... they just can't, that's all.

Why can't they?

They have to be back by tonight.

Oh, that's right, sure.

I almost forgot.

It's Mike's turn to do the dishes tonight.

It's not...

Oh, Bub, anyhow, like I was telling you,

she assigned this theme, but she doesn't want me

to write about my motor again.

That's funny... Mike didn't at least

leave word for his father.

I don't have any other hobbies to write about,

so I had to make one up.

She flipped, gave me an A-minus,

and now she wants me...

Chip, bring me that paper

out in the living room, will you?

Boy!

Nobody in this house cares what happens to me.

That's not so.

I think it's swell that you got an A-minus.

Yeah, but where am I gonna find

a dozen unusual clocks?

What makes you think that Jean and Mike

were going on a trip?

Well, Jean was carrying this little sort of a...

What do you mean, a suitcase?

I guess so.

Mike even carried it out to the car for her.

Well, I'm going over to Freddie Trotter's house

and help him feed his garter snake.

Let me know if Dad brings me something.

Holy smoke.

I know I got nobody but myself to blame,

and I thought maybe I could figure a way out.

There just aren't that many unusual clocks around...

Oh, hi, Robbie.

Most of the clocks I wrote about

in my essays are real old.

Hi, Dad.

I mean, like 300 or 400 years. Uh-huh.

I-I read about them in the encyclopedia. Wow.

Steve, I thought you'd never get here.

Oh, hi, Bub. Bub, will you let me tell him?

Rob, what are you so excited about?

Well... He got an A-minus.

An A-minus... well, Rob... Now, go ahead, Robbie.

I want to have a serious talk

with your father... go ahead.

Well, can I have your watch, anyway?

My watch?

Yeah, you said someday you were gonna give it to me,

and today's when I need it.

Out!

Well, can I at least have the egg timer?

Yes, but bring it back.

Egg timer?

Steve, I want to have a talk with you.

Okay, Bub, right after I take a hot shower, huh?

But you can't take a shower now.

Now, don't tell me that water heater's gone out again.

No, well... Well, anything else can wait, Bub.

I want to get out of these clothes.

I've had them on since yesterday morning.

Where are the other boys?

They're around.

Chip's down the street.

Mike's eloping with Jean.

And, you know, same old Saturday routine.

Mike's doing what?

(alarm clock ringing)

(alarm stops) (clocks ticking)

I don't see why a bunch of ladies

would want to look at my old cowboy wristwatch.

Hey, remember this?

Aunt May sent it to us one Christmas.

Hey, there's no cuckoo.

I traded it to Freddie for that stuffed fish.

Well, you go get it back, and hurry up.

You couldn't use the fish, could you?

I gotta have that cuckoo!

I'll try, but I think Freddie's cat ate it.

And Mike even wore his hat.

Oh?

Now add that up,

and where do you think they went... bowling?

Oh, Bub, Mike and Jean know that we all approve

of their getting married when they get old enough.

They don't have to elope... they know that.

So you don't think we have anything to worry about?

No, of course not.

They're both too sensible to do a thing like that.

Mm-hmm. When they get back this afternoon,

you'll probably find out they went to a movie or something.

Well, they must have picked out at least a double feature then,

'cause Jean took a suitcase full

of clothes with her.

If it'll make you feel any better, Bub,

we'll go next door

and ask Jean's folks where the kids are.

You gonna spend the night over there?

Hmm?

Oh. Uh, right.

Well, I'm glad you think we don't

have anything to worry about.

And all this so-called evidence

is why the old private eye here thought

that, uh, Mike and Jean had eloped.

Guess Jean's trying to save us the cost of a wedding.

Yeah. Oh, Henry.

Well, they were reading

about high school marriages in the paper here,

and when Jean took her suitcase, I figured...

Bub, I told you

that Jean was probably returning some dresses

she borrowed from Gloria.

Well, what I'd like to find out is why Mike wore his hat.

Well, just for you, Bub,

I'll check in Jean's room

and see if Gloria's dresses are gone.

For my money, Bub,

I think you put together a pretty good case.

Thanks.

So easy to jump to conclusions, Bub.

Pardon me, Henry.

But we don't have to worry about Mike or Jean.

They know exactly where they're going.

And I don't know exactly where I'm going.

I guess I came in another door the other day.

Marriage License Bureau?

Well, yeah.

Right down the hall, around the corner.

You'll see the line.

Thanks.

Well, here we go.

I wonder how he knew where we wanted to go.

I don't know.

Oh, hey, you better give me the application blank,

so we can be ready when... (gasps)

Oh, honey, I forgot it.

I left it home.

What'll we do?

Well, we'll get another one, that's all.

There's nothing to worry about... no problem.

No problem.

That's what I was telling Bub.

These are sensible kids.

They're not gonna get married till Mike's out of college,

or at least until he's in college.

Florence, what's the matter?

I found this on Jean's dressing table.

Application for a marriage license.

ROBBIE: Okay, I'll take real good care of it, Miss Pitts.

Thanks a lot. I'll be right over.

You got my cuckoo?

It's all Freddie could find.

(murmuring)

Sorry.

I... I don't... I don't see them, do you?

No. Now, there, you see?

You fooled around so long,

we probably missed them.

They don't have enough money with them

to get very far. Oh, now, Henry...

Well, I'll, uh... I'll go and ask the clerk

if he's seen them. All right.

I didn't even give Jean her allowance for the week.

Course, I-I guess they could borrow some.

Who'd lend money to a teenager?

Another teenager.

They've probably been here and gone long ago.

Let's phone Flo and see if she's heard anything.

Uh, you call her.

I'll wait here for Steve. All right.

W-W-Would you pardon me just a minute?

It'll just take a second.

You'll have to wait your turn, sir.

At the end of the line, like everybody else.

Well, I-I don't want a license.

I just wanted to ask a question.

This is the Marriage License Bureau.

The information desk is in the lobby.

But I don't think they'd be able to help.

Uh, this is rather urgent.

Look, mister, nobody's any urgenter

than we are.

We only have an eight-hour pass.

It's taken me three hours

to talk her into marrying me.

Sorry.

Now, if you'll just sign there, please.

(sighs)

(clocks ticking)

Well, that does it.

Shall we?

Wasn't Judge McCue wonderful?

Now you can see why so many kids our age get married by him.

No. No, Bub, nobody's called.

(doorbell ringing)

Oh, uh, just a minute, Bub.

Somebody's at the door.

Maybe it's news.

Robbie! Have you heard anything from Mike?

Uh, no, ma'am.

I just wondered if you had any old clocks around

that you weren't using.

Old clocks?

Uh, yeah. I have to get about a dozen

of these together by 4:00.

Oh, I'm sorry, Robbie, I can't

talk about clocks right now.

Come in.

No, no news. It was Robbie.

He's on some kind of a trash drive.

Oh, no, no. I won't say anything.

Well, you'll call me the minute you know?

Fine. Bye.

Robbie, did Mike seem, well,

strange to you this morning?

No more than usual.

I suppose a clock like this cost a lot of money, huh?

Oh, no.

It's just a copy.

Jean seemed perfectly normal.

Well, do you suppose that if I took real good care of it,

that I could borrow it for this afternoon?

Oh. Oh, yes, Robbie, you can take it.

Thanks, Mrs. Pearson.

(ticking)

(ticking)

I've never seen a watch like that.

Oh. It's an heirloom.

My mother gave it to me on my wedding day.

I was going to give it to Jean.

Well, I wonder if... Oh, dear.

Oh, that's okay, Mrs. Pearson.

I'll just take this.

I wouldn't want to borrow anything

that meant so much to you.

Thanks, again, Mrs. Pearson.

(door shuts)

Excuse me.

Which one of you is Princess Margaret?

Very funny.

You can't get a license unless you have a girl

with you, mister... You guys ought to know that.

Yes, we know that.

We happen to be here to stop a marriage, not start one.

WOMAN: Stop a marriage?

What are you, against love or something?

Steve, I'm beginning to feel a little silly.

What's the matter, mister?

Don't you believe in marriage?

Yes, marriage is fine. It's...

Pretty darned expensive.

Just that our children are a little young.

They're not even 18 and...

18? What do you mean? That's not too young.

I was married twice before I was 18.

Three times.

Oh, hi, Eddie!

Oh, Steve, come on, hurry up, come on!

Good! He's found 'em.

I'll bet the whole thing's a tempest in a teapot.

That's what I've been telling you, Henry.

Come on. I tracked them down.

Good. Where are they?

I don't know, but I know where they went.

Come on. The guard'll tell you.

Then in about 20 minutes, they come back.

They had their papers and all.

They asked me to show 'em where Judge McCue's office is.

They went to the judge's office?

I took 'em right to the judge's door.

Yes, sir!

Pretty near the last couple he married, I guess.

Uh, thank you.

Well, I guess that's it.

It sure is.

I think I'll just go and sit down for a few minutes.

Who is it? Is it your dad?

I think so.

I'm kind of anxious to tell him.

You know, get his reaction and everything.

I wonder what he'll think.

What's the matter with you two guys?

You haven't said three words all the way home.

17-year-old bride, 1939 jalopy and no job.

I just don't understand it.

Mike and I have always been so close.

Well, they're a couple of real swell kids.

With no place to live, no food and no money.

We've always been like good friends.

I wish your good friend had told you

he was going to run off with my daughter.

(cuckoo calling)

Boy, that's some cuckoo!

Sure hope Freddie's mother doesn't belong

to the club that you're showing these to.

Why?

'Cause we borrowed the cuckoo from one of her hats.

Oh, boy. When we turn this in on Monday,

if Mr. Clark doesn't give us an A in Sociology,

I'm gonna sue!

Well, you know how he loves

the students to do research.

Well, it was worth it!

Gee, these figures that Judge McCue gave us.

Just think of it!

82% of all high school marriages last year... blooey!

Well, I love Jean like a daughter.

She knows that.

You know how fond Flo and I are of Mike.

I'll help them all I can.

The only problem is they're both so young.

All right, so they get an early start.

'Course I'm not made of money,

but I can finance them for a while.

A little while.

I had a daughter once.

She was only 19 when she married a big jug head named Douglas.

Yeah, and you fought it every step of the way.

I'll say I did.

Having babies nowadays is pretty expensive.

One right after the other.

But I was 21 years old, and I had a job.

Don't forget that. Mm-hmm.

Mike's probably smarter at 18 than you were at 21.

When my life savings are gone,

I suppose I can get a loan, if I still have my job.

(clock ticking and playing lullaby)

JEAN: We better start cleaning up.

MIKE: Oh, let's not lose this.

Ah, when Mr. Clark hears how we went through the whole bit

at the Marriage License Bureau just to get background

for this project, he will flip.

Well, Henry, we might as well face it.

(laughs) We're in-laws.

Yeah, we are.

By pooling our resources, Steve, we might just make it.

Good. Let's get out of here, huh?

Oh, how I hate to break this to Florence.

She's gonna have to know sooner or later, Henry.

Yeah, I'd rather it would be later.

Why don't you come in and have a cup of coffee?

Good idea. Anyway...

I never know what to do when she starts to cry.

I'll tell you what you do... Why don't you call her?

It might be easier to tell her over the phone.

I'll get the coffee going.

Well, I guess there's nothing to do

but wait till we hear from the honeymooners.

Not going to be easy on Florence.

I think I'll just sit down here for a minute.

I'll get the phone for you, Henry.

Well, marriage or no marriage,

I'm going to get that hot shower

and get out of these clothes.

Want me to dial for you?

I know it's silly to ask at a time like this, Bub,

but have I got any clean shirts upstairs?

There's a drawer full of them up there

that I ironed last night.

Hi, Dad! Welcome home!

Hi. We saw you pull in the driveway.

Mike!

What are you two doing here?

Working on our sociology project.

Sociology?

Yeah. Come on in and see it.

"The Case Against Teenage Marriages"?

Against it?

Yeah, we've been studying it in class.

Boy, have we worked on this project.

JEAN: We've been down to City Hall,

talked to a judge and everything.

Uh, uh, no, dear, we haven't found them yet,

but-but Florence...

But... But... Florence...

I know she's your only daughter, dear.

But she's mine, too.

And we stood in line, and went through the whole bit,

and there it is!

Well, I'll be darned.

Refused, huh?

Right. So it isn't true what the newspapers say,

that just anyone can get a marriage license.

Think of the money we've saved this way.

A wedding like that would cost $2,000.

I think we've proved a lot of things

with this project, don't you, Dad?

Yes, you have.

You've proved a lot of things.

This is real college-level thinking, Mike.

I'm proud of both of you.

I wish you'd remind me to show Chip the difference

between a briefcase and a suitcase.

And I'd still like to find out what...

Uh, never mind, Bub.

Now, if you'll all excuse me,

I think I'll go up and lie down.

I'm a little tired.

It must be from all the jumping

I've been doing today.

Jumping?

Yes, uh, to conclusions.

Aren't you a little tired, too?

Well, come to think of it, I am, yeah.

(clocks ticking)

Robbie, where are you going?

Don't worry, Dad.

Sooner or later, a man's got to stand on his own.

Hey, Robbie?

You forgot this.

Thanks.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, Chip.

ROBBIE: Well, so long.

Can't keep the ladies waiting.

(door shuts)

On his own?

Steve, I...

HENRY: But... But Florence,

if we buy them a new car... STEVE: Chip?

We haven't saved the money. Chip?!

Florence, you know I can't stand to hear a woman cry.