Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:04,352
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:06,484
CHRIS ROCK: As rough as I had it as a kid,
3
00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:09,879
even I got excited
when Christmas came around.
4
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,663
Chris, how do you
spell "cabbage"?
5
00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:13,883
C-A-B-B-A-G-E.
6
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:17,452
Thanks. "Cabbage Patch."DREW: Oh, Chris!
7
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:20,194
Look at this cool BMX bike.Oh, that's cool.
8
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,413
Chris, what are you
putting on your list?
9
00:00:22,587 --> 00:00:25,329
I'm not writing a list.
That's for kids.
10
00:00:25,503 --> 00:00:27,636
I wasn't writing a list
11
00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:31,161
because the only thing I wanted was a portable cassette player.
12
00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:34,121
Having a Walkman meant you could even listen to bad music
13
00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:35,948
and nobody had to know.
14
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,560
I had been leaving that ad
all over the house,
15
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,563
so I was pretty sure
my mother got the hint.
16
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:43,608
[♪♪♪]
17
00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:06,066
Since I only wanted one gift,
I knew I'd get it.
18
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,677
This was going to be
the best Christmas ever.
19
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:09,852
[GROANS]
20
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:12,072
Happy Kwanza, Kunta Kinte.
21
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:14,248
Well, maybe notever.
22
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,511
[♪♪♪]
23
00:01:22,473 --> 00:01:24,432
♪ Aw, make it funky now ♪
24
00:01:47,455 --> 00:01:49,196
I'm getting a ColecoVision.Wait.
25
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,763
You have an Atari and
you're getting a ColecoVision?
26
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,504
Yeah. What are you getting?
27
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,202
I'm getting a Walkman.
28
00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:56,986
No way.
29
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,249
It's the only thing
I've been asking for.
30
00:01:59,423 --> 00:02:01,556
I would kill for one
of those. You're so lucky.
31
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:03,253
How come your dad
doesn't get you one?
32
00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:05,342
Censorship.
He wants to makes sure
33
00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:07,475
he can hear the music
I'm listening to.
34
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:10,478
First rap was fun,
then rap was gun.
35
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:13,437
Let me go, you bitches.
You're punks, both of you.
36
00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:17,006
West side! West side!Jeez, kid, will you shut up?
37
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,139
Years later,
Greg played some Ice Cube
38
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,879
and his own father shot him.
39
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:25,362
Class, since this
is the season of giving,
40
00:02:25,536 --> 00:02:28,365
I'd like you all to bring in
canned food items,
41
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:31,977
so we can donate them
to those less fortunate.
42
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,110
It's funny how most people
only think about
43
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,068
feeding the needy
during Christmas.
44
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:38,027
I'm sure there's a lot
of hungry people
45
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,942
during President's Day.
46
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:42,249
Yes, Chris?Do we have to bring in cans?
47
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:44,164
Can we bring in, like,
boxes of food?
48
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,122
You don't have
to bring anything,
49
00:02:46,296 --> 00:02:48,907
but that's
very thoughtful of you.
50
00:02:49,081 --> 00:02:51,910
I know this time of year
must be hard for your family.
51
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,783
No. We're doing fine.
52
00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:58,047
I know. I know.
53
00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,223
She made it seem
like we were having
54
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,443
a bowl of steam
for dinner that night.
55
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:03,835
[JULIUS YELPS]
56
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:05,663
Who used up all the hot water?
57
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,012
It's five degrees outside.
58
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,753
What you trying to do,
kill me?
59
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:11,103
Chris said it was cool
when he took a shower earlier.
60
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:14,368
Oh! The hot water heater's
probably broken again.
61
00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:16,979
Think you can fix it?I'm already holding it together
62
00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:18,589
with duct tape and hangers.
63
00:03:18,763 --> 00:03:20,461
We're just gonna have
to replace it.
64
00:03:20,635 --> 00:03:22,985
Well, baby, how much
do you think that's gonna cost?
65
00:03:23,159 --> 00:03:24,856
More than I got.
66
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:27,468
Will we have enough money
to buy Christmas presents?
67
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:30,166
I thought you finished shopping.I bought a few things,
68
00:03:30,340 --> 00:03:32,647
but I have got to get
that Walkman for Chris.
69
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:35,040
He's been giving me hints
since Thanksgiving.
70
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,608
These kids get
too many gifts on Christmas.
71
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,828
When I was a kid,
instead of buying gifts,
72
00:03:40,002 --> 00:03:42,047
my father used to call
the cops on Christmas
73
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,745
and tell us
the house got robbed.
74
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,051
In order to make
extra money for Christmas,
75
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,488
my father would do any job.
76
00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,272
That'll be $30.
77
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,709
He worked as a cab driver.That's okay.
78
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:53,624
It was easy for him
to pick up odd jobs
79
00:03:53,798 --> 00:03:55,452
for extra money
when he needed it.
80
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:56,975
Merry Christmas.
81
00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,194
Lint roll, sir?Yeah.
82
00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,240
He worked as a lint roller.
83
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,069
Thank you.
84
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,377
He even worked
as an oil taster.
85
00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:10,598
This is 10-W 30.
You need 10-W 40.
86
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:12,687
Now, that's a father.
87
00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:16,560
TONYA:
88
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:17,822
Drew.
89
00:04:20,172 --> 00:04:21,696
Drew!
Ow!
90
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,264
What'd you do that for?How do you spell "Malibu"?
91
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:28,485
M-A-L-I-BOO?
92
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,835
You still writing that
stupid Christmas list?
93
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,881
It's not stupid.Yes, it is.
94
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,100
Everybody knows there's
no Santa Claus, Tonya.
95
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,493
That's not true.
96
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:38,930
And it's not stupid.
You're stupid.
97
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:40,976
You're stupid.You're stupid.
98
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,065
ROCHELLE:
Drew, stop calling
your sister stupid!
99
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,197
My mother had amazing hearing.
100
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:48,679
We couldn't do anything in our
house without her hearing it.
101
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:54,032
Chris! Quit throwing cotton
balls all over the place!
102
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,907
What are y'all arguing about?Nothing.
103
00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:02,867
Drew said there's
no such thing as Santa Claus.
104
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,130
What are you talking about, boy?
105
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,046
Of course there's
a Santa Claus, baby.
106
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,787
CHRIS: Hey.DREW: What's up, bro?
107
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:11,485
We're having
a food drive at school.
108
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:14,183
Can I bring some canned goods?Okay.
109
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:17,055
But don't take generic brands.
Only store brands.
110
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:18,840
I do not want
those people thinking
111
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,668
we can't afford to donate food.
112
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,887
My mother would give away
all the food we had
113
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:26,369
if she thought it would prove
we didn't need it.
114
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:27,979
How come you said
my list is stupid?
115
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:31,026
Because everybody knows
there's no Santa Claus.
116
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,333
Come here, let me
show you something.
117
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:36,814
Where are we going?
118
00:05:36,988 --> 00:05:38,555
I'm taking you to the toys.
119
00:05:38,729 --> 00:05:40,296
Santa doesn't come
down the chimney.
120
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:42,690
We don't even have
a chimney, we have radiators.
121
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:45,475
You ever heard of Santa Claus
coming through radiators?
122
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,564
But how can we have
our toys already
123
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:50,350
if I haven't even
finished my list?
124
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,352
Because.
125
00:05:52,526 --> 00:05:54,789
Hey, man. What you doing?
126
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:58,096
I'm taking canned goods
to school for the needy.
127
00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:03,188
[CASH REGISTER CLICKING, DINGS]
128
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,669
Man, that's $2.89 cent
worth of food.
129
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,324
What you trying to do,
feed the needy or be the needy?
130
00:06:08,498 --> 00:06:10,021
Rochelle!Julius!
131
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:11,980
[♪♪♪]
132
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:16,724
My parents tried not argue
in front of the kids,
133
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,422
so instead,
they just made faces.
134
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:28,562
They make curse-out faces too, but we can't show you those.
135
00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:31,347
Meanwhile, Drew was showing
Tanya something
136
00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:34,132
no kid should see.
137
00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:36,396
See, I told you.
138
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,399
[♪♪♪]
139
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:43,838
[DOOR SLAMS]
140
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:45,100
Whoa! Cool!
141
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:52,281
Tonya wasn't the only one
having a bad day.
142
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:54,196
Is there something wrong?
143
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,547
Have a seat, baby.
144
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,462
The last time they asked me
to sit down
145
00:06:59,636 --> 00:07:02,204
before they told me something, The Jackson Five broke up.
146
00:07:02,378 --> 00:07:04,249
Hey, Chris. Heh.
147
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,730
Um, baby, look, I know you've
been looking forward
148
00:07:06,904 --> 00:07:08,993
to getting that new Walkman
for Christmas.
149
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:11,039
And, Chris, I've always
wanted my kids
150
00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:13,737
to have a better Christmas
than I had growing up.
151
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:16,784
But the older you get,
the more you learn
152
00:07:16,958 --> 00:07:18,655
about the sacrifices
you have to make.
153
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,310
Sacrifices?
154
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:24,966
Uh...
155
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:27,011
Like not getting
a new pair of work boots
156
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:28,273
so you kids can have shoes.
157
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,058
Or like taking
the subway to work
158
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:31,799
so your wife can use the car.
159
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,764
Mom, Dad, I'm 13.
160
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,897
You're not getting
a present for Christmas.
161
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:46,161
He said that
like we're out of bacon.
162
00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:48,076
We gotta buy
a new water heater.
163
00:07:48,250 --> 00:07:49,817
Well, then, we need a plan
164
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:51,949
to tell Drew and Tonya.Tell them what?
165
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,473
That they're not
getting presents.
166
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:55,431
Who said they weren't getting
anything?
167
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,566
Wait, they're getting stuff
and I'm not?
168
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:01,306
You're older, Chris.
169
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,526
They wouldn't understand.
170
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,095
Am I gonna get anything?
171
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:12,317
Oh, baby, you'll be able to use
up all the hot water you want.
172
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,450
So all I'm getting
is a clean ass?
173
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,191
Steaming hot.
174
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:19,499
♪ Everybody hates Chris ♪
175
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:28,377
So you're not getting
anything for Christmas?
176
00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:29,900
Nope.
177
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,641
Man, nothing for Christmas?
178
00:08:31,815 --> 00:08:34,209
Isn't that considered
child abuse?
179
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:35,863
Sure does feel like it.
180
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,778
They'll put something
in your stocking.
181
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,432
Maybe some leftover sausage.
182
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:43,305
There's gotta be
a law against this.
183
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:46,308
Oh, Chris, look at you.
184
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:48,397
You didn't have
to bring any food.
185
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:51,574
Sometimes I forget
how strong your people are.
186
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,445
What do you mean,
how strong my people are?
187
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:56,927
What do I mean,
how strong your people are?
188
00:08:57,101 --> 00:08:59,887
You shall overcome someday.
189
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:03,455
See me after class.
I have something for you.
190
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:04,805
Okay.
191
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:09,113
Do I look like
Malcolm X to you, lady?
192
00:09:09,287 --> 00:09:11,594
How would you like
to overcome a brick?
193
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,995
Tonya, I thought you were
gonna put up the decorations.
194
00:09:21,169 --> 00:09:23,258
I don't want to now.
195
00:09:23,432 --> 00:09:26,696
Why not?Because.
196
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:29,525
You and Daddy lied to me.
197
00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:31,614
We lied to you? About what?
198
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:34,922
I know there's no such thing
as Santa Claus.
199
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:37,707
When my mother heard
Tonya say those words,
200
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:40,057
it was like she wasn't
her baby anymore.
201
00:09:40,231 --> 00:09:41,842
What else did you
lie to me about?
202
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:43,626
Are you gonna kick me out
if I get pregnant?
203
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,759
Is it true you ain't
taking care of no baby?
204
00:09:45,933 --> 00:09:47,325
Can I really not bring
a white boy home?
205
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,892
Does the Foreman Grill
really knock out the fat?
206
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,633
Can I really get a loan
with no money down?
207
00:09:50,807 --> 00:09:54,289
Are you my real mother?
Mama, I want answers.
208
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:58,989
Tonya, like Mommy told you,
there isa Santa Claus.
209
00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:02,776
So how come there's a room
upstairs full of presents?
210
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:05,213
Who told you that?Drew showed me.
211
00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:08,303
Drew, get in here!
212
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:09,870
Yes, Mom?
213
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:12,786
Did you show Tonya
the presents upstairs?
214
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,439
Yeah.
215
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:17,225
We need to talk.
216
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,530
Uh...no.
217
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,750
Hold on, Mama. No, no.
218
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:23,492
My mother talked about beating us all the time,
219
00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,276
but the only time
she ever beat us
220
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:27,104
is when she said
she wanted to talk.
221
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:29,672
And she talked the hell
out of Drew that night.
222
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:32,153
[DREW GROANING, SCREAMS]
223
00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:35,199
[GRUNTS]
224
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:41,205
Oh.
Well, what's all this stuff?
225
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,164
I got it from my teacher.Hm.
226
00:10:43,338 --> 00:10:46,689
She thinks that we're
underprivileged and starving.
227
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:49,387
Oh, no. Mm-mm.
228
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:50,998
Absolutely not.
229
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:53,304
I am not gonna have
them people thinking
230
00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:55,219
that we don't have
anything to eat.
231
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:57,395
She wasn't too proud
to take those olives.
232
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,136
Where you going?I'm taking this
233
00:10:59,310 --> 00:11:00,355
to put more food in it.
234
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,617
You're taking this back.
235
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,314
My mother was so upset
236
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:05,360
about people thinking
we needed charity,
237
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,188
she almost forgot
she felt guilty
238
00:11:07,362 --> 00:11:08,580
about not getting me a gift.
239
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:09,756
Chris, wait a minute.
240
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:12,628
Look, I'm sorry.
241
00:11:12,802 --> 00:11:14,848
I know all of this
is not your fault.
242
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:17,807
I know it seems kind of crazy
with me giving back free food
243
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:20,418
when we can't even afford
to buy you a Christmas gift.
244
00:11:20,592 --> 00:11:22,856
It's okay.
245
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,946
After that, my mother gave me
the one gift she could afford.
246
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,166
She was really nice to me!
247
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:32,517
Who needs Christmas when all your wildest dreams come true?
248
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:34,694
Chris gets the big piece.
249
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,133
I got the big piece of chicken.
250
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,874
[♪♪♪]
251
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:45,443
Merry Christmas.
252
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,885
I didn't have to do any chores.
253
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:53,364
Tonya, wash the dishes.
254
00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,105
I thought Chris
had to do 'em.
255
00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:57,978
You thought wrong.
256
00:11:58,152 --> 00:11:59,631
I got Tonya in trouble.
257
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,459
Ow! Ow!
258
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:04,158
Mama, Tonya hit me twice.
259
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,553
It felt so good, I was thinking what life would be like
260
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:09,990
if I never got a present.
261
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:11,774
Get up and let your brother
watch TV.
262
00:12:11,948 --> 00:12:14,081
But, Ma!But nothing! Get up.
263
00:12:16,648 --> 00:12:19,651
I wondered what I could get
if the roof caved in.
264
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,743
Mwah!
265
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,617
Hey, Drew, can you
pass me the remote?
266
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,750
Tsk, yeah, right.
267
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,316
Ma...
268
00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:33,796
[GROANS]
269
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,493
[MUTTERING]
270
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,498
I couldn't believe
how good I had it.
271
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:42,762
Meanwhile, Tonya didn't believe anything.
272
00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:46,200
Mama, is cornbread
made of corn?
273
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,897
Mm, no.
274
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:51,205
I think it's made
of cornmeal. Why?
275
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,468
Just checking.DREW: Why, you want Santa Claus
276
00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:55,383
to bring you
some cornbread for Christmas?
277
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,254
He could bring it with
your Cabbage Patch Doll.
278
00:12:57,428 --> 00:13:01,476
Hey, hey. Stop it. Okay? Enough.JULIUS: Leave your sister alone.
279
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:04,174
Drew, you believed in the Easter
Bunny till about her age.
280
00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:06,089
Chris, you near lost
all your teeth
281
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:09,049
before you stopped believing
in the Tooth Fairy.
282
00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:13,967
There's no Easter Bunny
or Tooth Fairy, either?
283
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,707
Uh...No, baby, he...
284
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:17,231
He didn't mean that.
285
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:20,103
Somebody better give me
my teeth back.
286
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:22,714
Baby, I didn't mean it!
I didn't mean it!
287
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:25,979
Julius! I can't believe you!I want my teeth back!
288
00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,632
Baby, no...Tonya!
289
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:28,982
We were joking!
It's a joke!
290
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:32,202
It's a... Ha-ha! It's a joke!
291
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,338
That's her. She said Santa
can't come to our house,
292
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,166
'cause all we have
is space heaters.
293
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,124
Santa can't come
through a space heater.
294
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,996
What kind of children
are you raising?
295
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,954
This girl's going around
crushing dreams.
296
00:13:45,128 --> 00:13:47,304
Is that what you want her to be?
A dream crusher?
297
00:13:47,478 --> 00:13:49,741
No, but I--That girl needs to be stopped.
298
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,572
Tonya!It's the truth!
299
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:57,924
Normally, my mother would smack the grease out of Tonya's hair.
300
00:13:58,098 --> 00:14:00,404
But she couldn't smack her
for telling the truth.
301
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,015
GREG:
What's that?
302
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,060
My mom made me bring
all this stuff back
303
00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:07,020
to prove that we can afford
to donate food.
304
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:09,979
Hey, yo, I got
something for you.
305
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,416
Thanks! What's this?Open it.
306
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:17,334
"Computer Games."
Who is it?
307
00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:18,727
George Clinton.
308
00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:20,598
There's a song on there,
"Atomic Dog,"
309
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:22,644
I heard it on the radio.
It's really funny.
310
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:24,385
Think I'll like it?I don't know.
311
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:27,083
When you finally get your
Walkman, you'll have a tape.
312
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:29,694
I always liked
that Greg was so optimistic.
313
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,261
To this day, he still thinks
314
00:14:31,435 --> 00:14:33,350
Al B. Sure's gonna make
a comeback.
315
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:34,874
[BELL RINGS]
316
00:14:37,485 --> 00:14:41,968
But if Santa Claus is not real,
why do people make it up?
317
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:44,753
Tonya, Santa is
just a way to teach kids
318
00:14:44,927 --> 00:14:46,842
about the spirit of giving.
319
00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:49,497
He's just a symbol,
that's all.
320
00:14:49,671 --> 00:14:50,759
Oh.
321
00:14:52,239 --> 00:14:54,328
Tonya, you're a big girl,
322
00:14:54,502 --> 00:14:57,157
and now that you're old
enough to know the truth,
323
00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:58,636
it's your responsibility
324
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,900
to not spoil it
for other kids, okay?
325
00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:03,598
Because you want to give them
something to believe in.
326
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,730
Exactly.
327
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,385
That's my big girl. Mwah!
328
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,431
So you do understand.
329
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:14,087
Yeah. It's okay to lie.
330
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,524
Aw, good night, Mommy.
331
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:19,005
You think explaining Santa Claus to Tonya was hard,
332
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,616
you should have been there
for the birds and the bees.
333
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,358
Ew, that's nasty!
334
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:26,403
[♪♪♪]
335
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:33,323
Nobody ever seems to get
any sleep on Christmas Eve.
336
00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:38,372
Everybody's up
for different reasons.
337
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:39,808
What you doing, baby?
338
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,897
Setting out
milk and cookies.
339
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:43,551
We talked about this.
340
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:46,467
We did.
And they're not for Santa.
341
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:47,990
They're for you.
342
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,557
[CHUCKLES]
343
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,820
Thank you, baby.
344
00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:57,173
But since I wasn't getting
anything,
345
00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:59,306
I didn't have that problem.
346
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,003
[SNORING]
347
00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:07,792
On Christmas morning, I even took my time going downstairs.
348
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:17,411
Now that Tonya knew there
wasn't a Santa Claus,
349
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,674
her complaints went
directly to my mother.
350
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:23,199
Mama, I wanted a Cabbage Patch
Doll with long hair.
351
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:25,767
How about you have
no doll with no hair?
352
00:16:25,941 --> 00:16:29,205
Oh, thank you.Okay.
353
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:31,468
Chris, this one
is for you, baby.
354
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,949
Is it a new album?Open it and find out.
355
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,386
They were giving those away
at the doctor's office
356
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,779
I deliver papers to.
357
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,389
Thought you could use it
for school.
358
00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:41,478
Thanks. I will.
359
00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:44,438
Hey, Chris, what'd you get?
360
00:16:44,612 --> 00:16:46,135
A calendar.
361
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:47,832
A calendar?
362
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,313
Yeah, that's what I wanted.
363
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:52,489
See, now, look here.
Did you know that May
364
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,535
is High Blood Pressure Month?DREW & TONYA: No.
365
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,885
You would if you had a calendar.ROCHELLE: See?
366
00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:59,366
All y'all should ask
for calendars next year.
367
00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:02,021
JULIUS: That's a good idea.Hey, Chris, wanna go
368
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:05,850
ride my bike outside later? By "later," he meant summer.
369
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:09,811
Yeah, sure.Hey, Chris. You can have this.
370
00:17:11,552 --> 00:17:14,033
Are you sure?Yeah. I'm sure.
371
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,296
Baby, that's so nice.
372
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,603
That's what I thought too.
373
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,257
Yes! I win again!
374
00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:23,781
In your face! Ooh!
375
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:27,829
What now?
I don't get New Year's?
376
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:29,700
Mwah! Thank you.
377
00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:31,528
For what?For the way you've handled
378
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:32,834
not getting what you wanted.
379
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:35,402
You've really made
us proud, man.
380
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:36,968
Drew and Tonya are kids.
381
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:38,840
They need Christmas presents
more than me.
382
00:17:39,014 --> 00:17:40,929
You know, you're really
growing up, Chris.
383
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:43,758
It's kind of nice having
another man around the house.
384
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:46,195
It was weird.
That morning with my parents
385
00:17:46,369 --> 00:17:49,503
felt better
than any gift I ever got.
386
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:52,201
Here you go.What's this?
387
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,725
Toy store coupon,
50 percent off.
388
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:57,250
It's good till March.
389
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,948
By the end of the day,
it didn't even matter anymore
390
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:03,560
that I didn't have a gift,
because I had a good day.
391
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,867
And right now, I'm with Mrs. Vivian Morello.
392
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,216
Hey, that's my teacher.
393
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:08,826
It is?
Mm-hm.
394
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,351
Every year,
my students collect food
395
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:14,615
for the very poorest,
most destitute
396
00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:16,486
and neediest families.
397
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:17,966
These people are so poor,
398
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,489
they probably don't
have anything
399
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:21,361
but the clothes on their backs.
400
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:23,972
Even though they're embarrassingly underprivileged,
401
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:27,541
they're just too proud
to ask for help.
402
00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:31,197
Too proud to ask for help. And they're poor.
403
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:34,591
Tonight, we're going to give
a family this basket.
404
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:37,725
Now, who wants somebody
coming to their door on TV
405
00:18:37,899 --> 00:18:40,597
talking about
how poor they are?
406
00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:43,513
This is so exciting.
407
00:18:43,687 --> 00:18:44,862
[DOORBELL BUZZES][KNOCKING]
408
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:46,299
Mm, I'll get it.
409
00:18:47,778 --> 00:18:48,997
You got it?
410
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,133
BOTH:
Merry Christmas!
411
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,875
Chris!
412
00:18:58,049 --> 00:19:02,053
♪ Everybody hates Chris ♪
413
00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:10,061
CHRIS ROCK:
Stay tuned for scenes
from our next episode.
414
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:15,632
[♪♪♪]
415
00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:18,331
♪ Aw, make it funky now ♪
29562
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof