Original subtitles

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[music playing]

TOM: Hey, Griz.

Catch.

[knocking]

Come on, Griz.

You should be up already.

Come on.

-Wait.

-Oh, you might be gettinga real one of those soon.

-Really?

-Maybe.

Well, let's bring him anyway.

Can you give me a handwith this, Caroline,

instead of your hair?

Come on, Griz.

We're late.

MAN (ON RADIO):Well, sunshine will

stay with us this afternoon.

Temperatures top outinto the middle 80s.

That's some 20 degrees--

I still don't get whywe can't bring Vincent.

TOM: Well, where shouldwe but him, Nat-man?

Your lap?

NAT: Yes, please.

-Mom will bring him.

-When, exactly?

TOM: About 10days, give or take.

NAT: Is she taking aBoeing 747 or a 747 SP?

TOM: Oh, SP?

--[simulates buzzer]There's only one of those,

and it's in theUnited Arab Emirates.

TOM: How'd you getso smart, Nat-man?

Say bye to your house, guys.

NAT: Bye, house.

[music playing]

TOM: So they're hiking fordays, all tied to each other

on a rope.

They're exhausted.

They're starving.

They can barely keep upwith this old chain guy.

Finally, they climbone last huge ridge.

And you guys will neverguess what they see next.

-An elephant.

CAROLINE: Christy Murphyusing the flat iron she stole.

-A swimming pool.

TOM: Bingo.

Griz got it.

-Really?

TOM: No, you knuckle head.

Speaking of, younerds realize you're

going to be the proud newowners of a pool, right?

NAT: With a-- with slide?

TOM: If you're lucky.

So listen.

So what Conway actually sees isa mountain city so beautiful,

so perfect, it's likeparadise, or Heaven even.

And they're-- hey, Griz.

You want to hearabout Shangri La?

How's Harrison?

-He's so-so.

CAROLINE: Probablywondering what

he's doing hanging outwith a 12-year-old.

[laugh]

TOM: Well, smile, Harrison.

You're headed forsunshine 300 days a year.

[music playing]

NAT: [singing]

Feed me.

I'm hungry.

I'm hungry.

I'm very hungry.

-Hey, Nat-man. [whistle]

Griz!

Oh ho, she's a natural, folks.

[laughs]

Ah, yeah.

Hey.

Look at all these porkers.

You listen close, you canhear the diabetes setting in.

-Hey, porkers.

CAROLINE: Dad, shh.

-What?

What?

-Oh, cut it out.

-3 bucks for yogurt whenyou get meat for a buck 99.

CAROLINE: I wouldn'tcall that meat.

-Dad, I hate fast food.

-Just like your mother,little Miss Organic.

-How'd I get the one kid inAmerica who eats fast food?

CAROLINE: I don't know.

TOM: Did you makeany friends at camp?

GRIZ: A few.

TOM: Did you tell themabout your big move?

GRIZ: No.TOM: Why not?

GRIZ: I wasn't sure if itwas really gonna happen.

TOM: It's happening, Griz.

It's happening.

GRIZ: So Mom's OK with it now?

TOM: Listen, your mom doesn'tsee California the way I do.

But she doesn'tknow it like I do.

Got a great communitygarden out there.

She's gonna be able to keepdoing her volunteer thing.

And--

GRIZ: Why'd she have togo to Aunt Dee Dee's right

before we left?

I haven't seen her in, like,four weeks and three days.

TOM: Uh-huh.

It'll just be a few more.

Hang on.

No, not-- 60, cash.

Forget about it.

No, no.

That's not accurate.

No, I-- I've been clearabout this for months.

The 27th.

Yeah.

Talk to Gibbs in HR.

That's who I spoke to.

Tell you what.

You, uh, talk to him.

If there's an issue, call me.

I'm absolutely certain.

-Let me write something, orI'll drop this on your head.

-You'll see her in nine days.

-Her and Fluffy?

CAROLINE: Natty, I hateto break it to you,

but I do not think that fish isgonna survive Mom's suitcase.

NAT: No, silly.

She's gonna put plasticwrap over the bowl.

-OK, that'll work.

NAT: Ew!

Ew!

Ew!

CAROLINE: Well, I doubt you'llbe saying that for long.

CAROLINE: No, no.Don't give it.

Oh, my-- there is somethingwrong with this kid.

GRIZ: I know.

He sleeps with a rock.

-It's a meteorite, dummy.

Plus, you sleep with a rabbit.

-I don't get why you'reobsessed with that Noah weirdo.

-I don't get why you're obsessedwith that piece of shit.

-Do you have to swear?

-I forgot I was in thepresence of Miss Righteous.

-Don't call me that.

NAT: Caroline'sgonna get married.

-Why would she want to do that?

-So she has someoneto fight with.

-Oh, jeez.

Stop.

[laughter]

That's so gross.

-Oh, here, Ham.

Here's a present.

-You just got those fromthe bathroom, which should

be-- not to mentionis now polluted.

TOM: So what?

They're top of theline, silky tresses.

CAROLINE: No.

-OK, fine.

I'll give them to Griz.

She'll have the softer, shinier,and more manageable hair.

At least Griz loves me.

-No, just clean hair.

--[laugh] Guy can't cut a breakaround here, eh, Harrison?

NAT: Hey, Dad?

TOM: Yeah?

NAT: How long tillthe Grand Canyon?

-Three or four days.

I'm gonna get you there assoon as I can, Natty, promise.

This is the GrandCanyon Express.

-Hey, Natty?

-Yeah?

-You gonna do the dance?

-If you're lucky.

GRIZ: Come on, do it.

[laughter]

TOM: What's this?

Seymour the fag duck again?

[laughter]

-[imitating techno beat]

-All right.

OK.

Yeah, stop that.

Now.

WOMAN (ON TV): It is thetri roller with the back.

It comes along witha complete exercise

system with a workout DVD.

TOM: [snoring]

WOMAN (ON TV): And we arepromising you, when working out

with the Abdor,it's going to be far

less impact on yourhands and knees.

Everybody all day hasbeen talking about that

and how they lovebeing elevated.

They love being up and off thefloor in a seated position,

whittling away the middle,combining the Abdor twist

system along with cardioand a healthy eating--

TOM: [grunt] Turn it back on.

WOMAN (ON TV): --whatyou're going to get.

We're including for you yourcomplete Abdor twist system.

So it comes along with it.

You're going to get that greatmassage as you're working out.

You're going to--

[door closing]

TOM: Breakfast.

Vitamins for you guys, too.

[baseball game on tv]

What's the score?

CAROLINE: 4-3, basesloaded for days.

TOM: Aw, can't believe thatnimrod Wilson's pitching.

-Yeah.

NAT: Hey, Dad?

TOM: Yeah, Nat-man.

NAT: Soap in my eyes.

TOM: Uh-oh.

You all right?

NAT: I have soap in my eyes!

TOM: Don't worry aboutthe x-ray vision.

Only acid can destroy that.

Just rinse them out.

Hey, Grizmeister.

Breakfast.

GRIZ: [groan]

TOM: Is that Englishyou're speaking?

Come on.

Gonna check out and go.

Have some bagel and vitamins.

-I hate those things.

TOM: Tough.

[music playing on headphones]

Whatcha reading, Natty?

NAT: "Flora and and Faunaof the Grand Canyon."

TOM: What's the biggest fauna?

Mountain lion?

-Nah, they're all dead.

TOM: Oh, those jerks.

NAT: Hey, Dad?

Now how long till weget to the Grand Canyon?

TOM: Well, we're 10 hours closerthan the last time you asked.

NAT: Good. 'Cause weonly have two more

months till the Mexicanlong-tongued bat goes

into hibernation.

TOM: Think I'd betterstop on it then.

NAT: Uh-huh.

-What's Griz listening to?

-She only has one album.

-Yeah, Morrissey.

TOM: Who?

Isn't that that dorkusdown the street?

Billy?

Boring?

-What are you guystalking about?

-Your depressing emo music.

-Like you guys know anything.

-All the stuff you kidslisten to these days

is awful, except Sting.

CAROLINE: As if anyonelistens to Sting.

-You mean I'm out of the loop?

-No geriatrics arein the loop, Dad.

-Hey, Dad, do youthink they'll let me

on the football team in Arcadia?

-I don't see why not.

-'Cause I weigh 62 pounds.

That's why not.

TOM: Listen, Nat-man.

There's nothing you can'tdo if you try hard enough.

Hey, maybe you canbe on the swim team.

There's gonna be a poolat our house, you know.

-We know.

-You should see theoffice they set me

up with, right on Beverly Drive.

Palm trees, even,right out my window.

-Hey, Dad.

When's my first riding lesson?

TOM: As soon as we get settled.

CAROLINE: I wouldn'thold my breath.

-Now, come on.

A promise is a promise.

GRIZ: And one of those--the Cherry Trickler.

-Gotta be 18 for those.

-I know.

It's for my dad.

That's for my mom.

-I'll bet.

-Come on, Nat.

-Look.

GRIZ: Where'd you get those?

Did you pay for that?

-Nope.

You were the decoy,and I snagged it.

-That's stealing.

-Guys, come on.

Let's go.

-Go bring it back.

-No way.

Greta, come on.

They're just Tootsie Rolls.

-What if Mom knew you did that?

TOM: Guys, come on.

[car starting]

That's nice.

It's not even noon,for Christ's sakes.

Whole country'sgoing down the tubes.

-We'll do a number after wecross every state border.

-Come on, Greta.

That will take forever.

TOM: What are you nerdswhispering about back there?

-Nothing.

What's that nudie thing for?

-It's not a nudie thing.

It's for luck.

-Oh, cool.

TOM: Are you sure, uh,this is the right way?

CAROLINE: I don't know.

It said you had toget onto 65, but I

don't know if you passed it.

-Uh, that's 65 back there.

[horn honking]-What?

Jesus.

Hey, slow down, asshole.

[horn honking]

You like that?

-Dad.

TOM: I'll sit hereall day if I have to.

Huh?

MAN: You fucking asshole!

-That better?

Idiot.

MAN: You're sucha fucking asshole!

TOM: What did you call me?

MAN: Fucking asshole.Oh, you got something to say?

-Just back the hellaway from me, moron.

-You got somethingto fucking say?

TOM: Back off.

MAN: Why don't you getout of the fucking car

and say that to me?Huh?

I'll fuck all y'all up.

CAROLINE: Dad!

Dad, what are you doing?

TOM: Get the fuckaway from my kids.

[grunting]

-Fucking asshole!

I'm gonna fucking suethe shit out of you!

Don't you fucking go anywhere.

-[crying]

MAN: I've got your fuckinglicense plate, asshole.

-If they ask you kids anything,just agree with what I say.

-What?

-Just do as I say.

-Well, what exactlyhappened out there?

You know we'regonna have to check

and see if he'spressing charges.

-Well, we were onour way to a wake.

These kids' aunt passed away.

DETECTIVE: Sorry to hear that.

TOM: Yeah.

They certainly didn'tneed this today.

And I'm-- I'm sorryfor what happened.

But that man verballyand then physically

threatened my kids and me.

I was acting in self-defense.

-Who started the argument?

-He did.

He approached the car,spewing profanities.

He-- he threatened us.

He could have had agun for all I know.

I-- I-- I felt like Ihad to protect my family.

See, when something like thathappens, you got to be smart.

You got to decidewhich is the bigger

risk-- acting orstaying passive.

Your dad acted,because it was safer

to get out their andconfront that maniac

than to let him pull agun and shoot all of you.

-But he didn't have a gun.

-Hey, when someonethreatens you guys,

I'm not taking any chances.

You never sit backwhen you're in danger.

You find a way out of it.

-But you lied.

TOM: I know.

Sometimes you haveto lie, Greta.

What would you do it Dadwas in jail right now, huh?

Where would you be?

Probably in some over-fundedgovernment facility.

-Mom would come get us.

-Your mom's not here, is she?

In the larger schemeof things, that lie

isn't going to hurt anybody.

It helped us get out ofthat situation, that's all.

You kids are good sports.

You guys want dessert?

[music playing]

[whistling]

[kissing noises]

-Like this.

[tongue click] That'swhat they're used to.

-A chicken?

-Do you think Dad would havereally gone to jail yesterday?

-I don't know.

I don't think so.

-Well, they would havesent us home, right?

Not to send over-plunderedgovernment facility?

-I hope not.

-Why not?

-'Cause I really don'twant to go back there.

-Hey, guys?

Do you think if theyfound out Dad lied,

they-- they wouldput him in jail?

-I don't think so, Natty.

TOM: Briefly.

No.

-Who's he talking to?

TOM: No.

I'm not accepting that.

-Who was that?

-It was a business call.

-What aren't you accepting?

-Were you eavesdropping?

-No.

Can we call Mom now?

-No.

-Why not?

-She's not home yet.

-Well, then can you giveme Aunt Dee Dee's number?

-I don't have thatkook's number.

[tv show in background]

Huh?

Who's there?

What the hell areyou doing, Greta?

-I was just getting some air.

-Get back in bed.

There's psychos out there.

The earth is here.

And Mars is the closest planet.

-What about Ganymede?

TOM: Huh?

-Ganymede.

The moon by-- themoon by Jupiter?

-Oh, right.

NAT: And Europaand the other two.

-Well, sure, if you want toget that detailed about it.

-It's not detail, Dad.

It's facts.

TOM: Well,technically it's both.

And woop.

-What's that?My meteorite?

-You don't recognizeit, Nat-man?

You should.

-How?

TOM: Mhm.

-Aw, Dad.

It's too close toJupiter to be Saturn.

And so it mightbe Callisto or Io.

TOM: It's Uranus.

-What?

-What's Uranus doing there?

NAT: Aw.

GRIZ: Here we go, Dad.

-Girls, look at Nat's Uranusout here next to Mars.

Caroline, where's thathoroscope you were reading?

Maybe Nat's Uranus isentering the house of Venus

for luck and love.

I hope Nat's Uranus doesn'tcause another big bang!

CAROLINE: Oh, my god.

NAT: Mine wouldn't, yours would.

CAROLINE: Yes.

GRIZ: Can-- can we call mom now?

[phone ringing]

JANE (ON ANSWERINGMACHINE): Hi, Tom, Jane,

Caroline, Greta,and Nat aren't home.

Please leave us your message.

We'll call you back.

[beep]

-Mom, it's us.

-Hi, Mom.

-Uh, we just wanted tosee if you were home,

but I guess you're not.

And maybe you're at the Kents.

-Hey, Mommy.

We're in Missouri.

And don't forgetto bring Fluffy!

Bye.

-We love you, Mom.

-You've got five minutes.

Well?

Told you guys.

-(SINGING) Rolling,rolling, rolling.

-(SINGING) Behind.

TOM: (SINGING) Rolling,rolling, rolling.

-(SINGING) Rawhide.

-That's right.

CAROLINE: It's keepthose doggies rolling.

-Everybody!

TOM AND GRIZ: (SINGING) Rolling,rolling, rolling, Rawhide!

-[whip sound]

[laughter]

CAROLINE: No.

TOM: All right.

Stay in the car.

I'll be quick.

NAT: Yes, sir!

-Where are you going?

-[sigh]

-Dad said to stay in the car.

-I'll be right back.

-Wait up!

[music playing]

[humming]

Come on, Griz.

Let's go.

Dad's probably back by now.

Griz!

What if our placelooks like that?

-Probably full of psychos.

-Greta, come on.

-Hey.

Hey, guy.

[barking]

NAT: Greta!

-Hey, hey, hey.

He don't like trespassers.

-Aw, guys.

What are you doing?

Where were you guys?

-Greta almost gotattacked by a dog.

-I told you to stay in the car.

-I had to mail something.

-Next time, you do as I say.

You all right, Greta?

-[sigh]

[music playing in diner]

TOM: Isn't thisplace nice, guys?

-Nicer than a homeless shelter.

-I love this place.

-Why don't you getthe meatloaf, Griz?

I'll order themeatloaf for Harrison.

I'll eat whatever he doesn't.

-I know what I want, thanks.

-Natty, what are you having?

-Either the half chickenor the (ITALIAN ACCENT)

fettuccine Alfredo.

-Fettuccine's a ripoff forsomething (ITALIAN ACCENT)

with no protein, uh, eh?

No protein, Tony.

(NORMAL VOICE) Oh, hello.

How are you today, Agnes?

-Are you ready to order?

-Well, got a couplequestions first.

How big would yousay the Chopstick is?

Is it a good-sized meal?

What does it come with?

-Well, it says rightthere-- steamed vegetables,

choice of mashed,baked, or rice.

-And the size?

Of the meat?

-It's normal sized.

-Well, I asked you areasonable question.

And I'm expecting areasonable response.

Is it eight ounces?

10?

Six, five, four, three, two?

Just bring me the meatloafwith the mashed potatoes

and a glass of the house red.

My son here will havethe half chicken.

Greta?

-I'll have the chicken andcorn salad, hold the chicken.

-What do you mean,hold the chicken?

-I don't want it.

-Well, I'm not asking you.

Just bring it with the chicken.

-I don't like thechicken neither.

CAROLINE: Um, I'llhave the meatloaf.

-Well, I'd give heran A for attitude, D

minus for server skills.

-She has big arms.

-[laugh]

-This isn't the Four Seasons.

-You got it all wrong.

I don't care whatthe place is called.

I'm not giving them my businessso she can give me attitude.

That's something you'regonna have to learn.

I ordered a glassor wine, not a shot.

-Well, this isthe house serving.

This ain't France.

-Oh, OK.

All right.

Come on, kids.

We're leaving.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Come on.

Come on, let's go.

Jesus Christ.

I knew they were gonnapull a stunt like that.

-Then you did we go here?

-We came here 'cause you girlsare constantly complaining

about not going to sit-downrestaurants, remember?

-OK.

-Where are we gonna eat now?

TOM: Yeah.

-OK, Dad.

Look, maybe youshould just relax.

Just calm down.

You're getting stressed out.

-You better-- you don'ttell me what to do.

You hear me?

You better show your fathersome respect, both of you.

[music playing]

Wait here, guys.

I'll be quick.

-You don't even know ifwe're staying here, Greta.

NAT: I'm gonna come.

-[sigh]

[sigh]

NAT: Hey, Greta.

Wait up.

Is he calling Mom?

-I doubt it.

-Is Mom gonna be there onthe first day of school?

-I don't know.

-If she's not, will youmake me the sandwich?

CAROLINE: What sandwich?

-The star-shaped one shemakes every first day.

-She never made me that.

Why does she bring thatstupid bunny everywhere?

TOM: Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, listen.

You go this route,you're gonna regret it.

That-- that's right, yeah.

I am threatening you.

You tell them they cango fuck themselves.

Christ.

MAN (ON TV): Where's my cheese?

-Dad's walk's taking forever.

-Maybe he's on the phone again.

-Pick a card, any card.

Get ready for the mostastonishing, the most magical

magic trick in thewhole universe.

-OK, you guys betterpick those up.

-Who writes with afountain pen, anyway?

-Mom gave it to me.

Do you want me tosay hi for you?

I don't get whyyou're mad at her.

She was the one thatwanted us to say.

-Greta, I'm tryingto watch this.

-Dad didn't even care howshe felt about the move.

You should be mad at him.

You could have atleast pretended

you didn't want to move.

-So what, it's my fault now?

-Well, maybe it would'vemade a difference.

-OK.

So Dad's gonna turn down abig offer after six months

without a job, just becauseI don't want to move?

-I heard him on the phone,yelling and swearing and stuff.

CAROLINE: He's probablyjust threatening.

GRIZ: Who?

-I don't know.

Maybe the guy that he tackled.

OK, that guy threatenedto sue him, remember?

-Why isn't he mentioningany of this to us?

-Maybe he figuresthat we have enough

to worry about right now.

-Mom should have just come.

-Jesus, will you justshut up about Mom already.

OK?

It's not like she's dead.

-You don't even carethat she's not here.

All you care about isyour stupid boyfriend.

CAROLINE: Natty.

Natty, what's wrong?

-Nothing.CAROLINE: Greta.

Greta, where are you going?

-Passed yourbedtime, little girl.

[country music playing]

[chatter]

[music playing]

-Remember that time whenwe found that little bat?

How a cat tore up hiswings, and he couldn't fly?

Remember how Momtook the bat, put him

in the house in the woods,and said he would be fine?

She said bats hadspecial powers.

What do you thinkhappened to him?

-I don't know.

-I know.

[barking]

-Are you OK, Griz?

You were making theweirdest noises.

Dad and Ham went out to getus a continental breakfast.

Come on.

-(SINGING) Rolling,rolling, rolling.

Hey, kids, look.

Oklahoma.

You guys excitedto meet the Acres?

They have a great place.

Pool, even.

The kid's about your age.

-Who are those people again?

TOM: They're goodfriends of ours.

-So suddenly they'reour good friends

when they save us motel money.

-Hank's an old college buddy.

It's funny.

He's the one who introducedme to California.

-Does Mom even knowthat we're going there?

TOM: What differencedoes it make?

GRIZ: Well, I just thinkit's kind of funny how

she's left out ofall this stuff.

-Give me a break.

Like when you picked the house,did she have a say in it?

TOM: Jesus, this again.

Yes, she did.

-Well, when I wasat camp, she said

just said that youjust picked it.

TOM: I laid out three options.

She didn't want anythingto do with the decision.

-I remember that.

You showed me thepictures, even.

-Listen, I had to act fast.

That's what happens.

You wait a day, youlose the house, period.

-I don't want to move.

TOM: You too, now?

-What do you mean, "now"?

-Don't push me, Greta.

-I'm just trying toget the information

to be more informed.

You're always saying thatwe should be more informed.

-You can't be privy toeverything, not at age 12.

-Well, don't stickme with their kid.

I can guarantee he'llbe a complete dorkus.

[music playing]

NAT: Is this what our houseis gonna look like, Dad?

TOM: Close.

Hey, can't we leave thekryptonite in the car for once?

-No.

-Be polite, nerds.

[doorbell]

[doorbell]

CAROLINE: Dad, I'm surethey heard the first time.

-Big house.

TOM: Hey.

-Tom, oh.

We were expectingyou guys yesterday.

-Oh, yeah.

I-- I-- I tried calling.

Uh.

-Oh, that-- that's OK.

Don't worry.

Come on in.

Hey.

TOM: [awkward laugh] Ah.

Huh?

-Please, please makesyourselves at home.

Oh, isn't she cute?

-It's a he.

-Harrison's been the bestbehaved of all of them.

--[laughs] I bet he has.(YELLING) Hank, come on down.

Tom's here.

So, you're having a blaston your road trip, sweetie?

-Mhm.

TOM: He can't wait tosee the Grand Canyon.

-Oh, it is such a sight.

It's gorgeous.

I will never forget it.

And to think that an earthquakemade that enormous whole.

-I think it wasthe Colorado River.

-So, you guys excitedabout your move?

TOM: Yeah, sure they are.

-Oh, moving's not so bad.

Just ask Evan.

He loves it here now.

-So you like it here?

-I hate it.

-At least you have a pool.

-Oh, you want to go in?-No, no, no.

No, no.

-Huh?

CAROLINE: No, do not.

Do not push me in.

No.

[giggling]

-Hey, you want toplay pool basketball?

-Oh, no.

I'm fine.

-That's a cuteswimsuit you got on.

-Thanks.

[laughter]

Oh.

-Don't you want to go swimming?

Give it.

Give it.

[splashing]

-Maybe this willget you to laugh.

-Do you ever feel likeyour face isn't yours?

-What do you mean?

-Sometimes I just feellike my brain isn't even

connected to my face, likeit's a stranger's or something.

-If I were you, I'd wishmy face was a stranger.

-Gross!

NAT: You're too coolfor your own good.

How come you don't playand stuff like you used to?

-I just don't.

-I know why you're not going in.

You like him.

CAROLINE: Give it.

Give it.

-Ooh. (SINGING) Griz loves Evan.

Sitting in a--

-Stop it.

-She won't evenacknowledge this is

the best offerI've ever had, so--

CAROLINE: Give it.

Give it.

-How are the kids doing?

-Great.

I mean, they'll adjust.

But you know, Janekeeps being stubborn.

Oof.

If it were up to her parents,she'd move back in with them.

It's--

CAROLINE: Griz, if you're notgonna play, at least let us.

Jeez.

[dial tone]

[dialing]

[phone ringing]

JANE (ON ANSWERINGMACHINE): Hi, Tom, Jane,

Caroline, Greta,and Nat aren't home.

Please leave us your message.

We'll call you back.

[beep]

-Mom, I don't care if youand Dad hate each other.

Just please come out here.

Please.

We can live in separatehouses or something.

Just come.

-Hey, sweetie.

You want to comeout and join us?

Listen, hon.

I know that everythingthat's happening just

can't be easy for you kids.

-It's OK.

-You know, with the moveand everything, your mom

not being here.

-My mom's coming.

-I've got watermelon out there.

Do you know that?

Come on.

[knocking]

CAROLINE: Grace.

It's me.

Can I come in?

Why didn't you wantto go swimming today?

It's 'cause of yourlegs, isn't it?

-What?

-Your embarrassed becauseyour legs are hairy.

It's OK.

I totally remember that feeling.

-It's gross.

It's not gross.

But yeah, you shouldprobably start to shave.

-Mom said I shouldn't start yet.

She said it'd make it comeback all thick and hairy.

-[laugh] Oh, come on.

No, let's do it now.

-Now?

-Yeah.

No one will know.

Come on.

Get up on here.

Come on.

All right.

Put your legs in.

All right.

You want to make surethe water's warm, K?

So it opens up your pores.

All right.

Yeah, rub it in.

All right.

Ready?

See?

Easy.

You do it.

You got to do it like thatif you want boys to like you.

-Why do you like Noah, anyway?

-You'll see.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Just wait until a guy likesyou, and then you'll see.

-Guys don't like me.

-They will.

-What do you do allthe time anyway?

Make out?

--[laugh] It's beenknown to happen.

-How do you-- you wantme to show you that, too?

[laugh] Practice on your arm.

It's easy.

-No.

-Look, K?

Like this.

[giggling]

Come on, just don'tbe sloppy about it.

-Ew.

-Are all these questionsbecause of Evan?

-No!

-Come on.

He's kinda cute, isn't he?

You kind of like him?

-Gross.

[knocking]

TOM: Hey, girls.

CAROLINE: We'llfinish later, OK?

[knocking]

-Come on.

Hey-- ooh, you're workingon a whopper there.

-Dad!

-[laughs]

NAT: I like the food a lot.

TOM: Mhm.

[knocking]

EVAN: Hey, ladies.

How's the slumber party?

CAROLINE: You're not invited.

EVAN: Heh.

(WHISPERING) What arewe gossiping about?

-We're writingpostcards, actually.

-(WHISPERING) Oh, yeah.

So what you got in there?

CAROLINE: Come on.

Show him your cool pictures.

-Whoa, Greta.

Who's the sexy onefor, your boyfriend?

-No, it's-- it's not that.

It's for my mom.

-Well, I want to meet yourmom then, if she's into that.

-Get out, you pervert.

-These are someattractive ladies.

I'm not the one we bought it.

-It's for luck.

-Can I have it, then?

-Get out.

Get out.

EVAN: Fine, fine.

Sweet dreams, ladies.

-Lame.

-Yeah.

[muffled conversation]

[sigh]

TOM: This is unbelievable.

MRS. ACRES: Tom, youhave to understand

the position that we're in.

TOM: Yeah, if I needed yourhelp, I would have asked.

MRS. ACRES: Well, it's notlike we stole your first born.

Just calm down.

TOM: Yeah, it's none ofyour god damn business.

HANK: Oh, excuse me.

TOM: It's not.

MRS. ACRES: Youknow, she deserves

to know where her kids are.

TOM: I-- I've got--

HANK: DiMarco's lawyer iscalling here in 20 minutes.

He expects you to be here.

-Jesus Christ.

Ellen, Hank.

Thanks for the hospitality.

-I don't think youshould leave just yet.

-Yeah, well, thanksfor the advice, buddy.

-What are you--what are we supposed

to tell him when you call--

-Merry Christmas.

Get your stuff ready.

Where's your sister?

We're leaving.

Natty, get your stuff together.

Come on.

Greta!

I'm not kidding.

Let's go.

Where are you?

Come on.

[music playing]

Hey, Griz.

-Let's see if theyhave some flip flops.

-Why?

-I don't know.

Because everyone wearsthose in California.

-OK.

-Hey, Greta, you joining?

-Greta's in a badmood these days.

-So what?

You're not talking to me now?

-Nope.

-Why?

'Cause of Evan?

Oh, my god.

You said, and I quote, "ew."

What?

You didn't actuallylike him, did you?

-You have a boyfriend.

-OK, less I time I checked,he was my stupid boyfriend.

-You cheated.

-So I'm not perfect.

So sue me.

You know what?

You are so goddamnself-righteous.

-You said you and Noahwere gonna get married.

-I never said that.

-Yes, you did.

-Well, I bet he's hooked up withChristy Murphy by now anyway.

-Did you go all the way?

-Jesus.

-Did you?

-What does it matter?

-Well, what if you're pregnant?

What if you have a disease?

--[laughs] You aresuch a goddamn baby.

You know what?

I really hope you makea mistake someday.

That way I can treatyou like shit after.

Aren't you sick of baloney?

-I love baloney.

-It's processed meat.

Do you know what that means?

-Nuh-uh.

-It means that randompig parts in there.

-Mhm.

-OK, like brains andballs and chemicals.

-[giggle] You said balls.

-Oh, god.

-There's 172 condors up there.

-Hm.

-Where are you going?

GRIZ: To take a walk.

Am I allowed?

TOM: (SINGING) Twinkle,twinkle little Griz.

How I wonder what she is.

Up above the world so high,like a diamond in my eye.

Twinkle--

-Would you stop?

-You used to lovewhen I sang that.

-Yeah, when I was five.

-How you doing, buddy?

I bet you like the Rockies, huh?

Maybe one day whenyou get bigger,

we'll climb those mountains.

How would you like that, huh?

-You never take us hiking.

-I got something for you.

-Jesus, Dad.

-I'm sorry be the oneto give you those.

I just didn't want to invadeyour privacy by telling

Caroline, you know, incase she didn't know.

And since yourmom's not around--

-Stop.

I don't want to talk about this.

Just leave me alone.

-Well, you really shouldtalk about it with someone.

-Well, not you.

Definitely not you.

-Greta.

You don't walk awaywhile I'm talking to you.

You've turned intoa rude young lady.

What happened to you?

[music playing]

-What-- what happenedto our lucky postcard?

-Lost it.

-Now we're never gonna win?

TOM: You nerds want to hearthe rest of "Shangri-La"?

-Mm.

TOM: What to play ghost?

-No.

[phone ringing]

-You kids are no fun.

-Aren't you gonna answer that?

TOM: Telemarketers.

-Are you sure it's not Mom?

-It's not Mom.

GRIZ: Well, how do you know?

-It's an unknown number.

-Well, it could be Aunt DeeDee's-- you know, the kook.

-Could be one ofyour boyfriends.

Hey, come on.

Griz, smile.

Take a joke.

-Greta's not into boys.

-Maybe not now.

Someday soon, she'll bebeating them away with a stick.

-Stop.

What happened at the Acres'?

Are Grandma andGrandpa suing you?

-What?

No.

GRIZ: Well, what then?

What about the lawyer?

Why could that Acre lady callAunt Dee Dee, and we can't?

-OK, this eavesdroppingof your has got to stop.

It's not your concern.

-It is my concern.

-It is not--

[sirens]

Shit.

NAT: Uh-oh.

TOM: God dammit.

[sirens]

-Shit.

God dammit.

-Good evening.

TOM: Evening.

-Driver's license andregistration please.

-All right.

But, uh, first doyou mind telling me

what I've done wrong, Officer?

OFFICER: Sir, I'mgonna ask you again.

Driver's license andregistration, please.

TOM: I got it right here.

[dispatch on radio]

-About to expire.

-About to.

No law against thatyet, is there, Officer?

[sigh] Thanks.

-Is this your father, young man?

TOM: Yeah, that's my son, Nat.

OFFICER: I wasn'ttalking to you, sir.

Go ahead and answerthe question, son.

-He wasn't kidnapping us.

That was just a joke.

-What?

OFFICER: Sir, you keepyour eyes in front

and your hands on the wheel.

-What the hell'd you kids do?

OFFICER: You want to passthat sign to me, young lady?

-This is ridiculous.

They're my kids.

They're-- they'remessing around.

That was smart.

Jesus.

What, now I'm being written up?

What for?

-Sir, you were going91 in a 75 zone.

Think that's safe for thosekids back there like that?

-I-- I happen to know for afact I wasn't going that fast,

Officer.

-Hey, you kids shouldn'tplay around like that.

You have yourself agood evening, sir.

-350 frigging bucks.

Unbelievable.

What were you thinking, Nat?

-I did it.

-You're in realtrouble, young lady.

Don't you ever pull astunt like that again.

-Well, if you weren'tspeeding, then we

wouldn't have gotten pulledover in the first place.

-Don't push me, Greta.

You hear me?

You're just as crazyas your mother.

-What?

What did you just say?

[music playing]

TOM: Ha.

It's nothing new, is it?

She's always playingthe victim, you know.

Just after youwere born-- I don't

know if you knowanything about this.

But I'm gonna tell you, 'causeI think you're old enough now.

Just after you were born,she went up to Vermont,

to her sister's.

Wanted to separate.

I wasn't gonna let that happen.

She was just being hysterical,calling her parents every day,

getting them against me, too.

And her dad-- your grandfather--tried to get involved.

It was bad stuff.

I mean, it was really bad stuff.

-Well, what-- whatkind of stuff?

-She was claimingI'd emotionally

abused her, bullshitstuff like that.

Excuse my language.

But that's the word for it.

She was lucky I waswilling to stay married

to her, mostly foryour sake, you know.

You were a baby.

That's-- that's notthe kind of thing

a mother should do with a baby.

I convinced her to come back.

But your life would bedifferent now if she hadn't.

Your mom used to be sohappy, back when I met her.

She was so pretty.

She still is.

-Hey, Ham, things happenfor a reason, you know?

You're gonna love Arcadia.

No more clicking New England.

Your dad's never had ashot like this one, never.

Now I get to be myown boss, you know?

-But I just worry that thesame thing's gonna happen.

-No, no.

This is an entirelydifferent situation.

These guys were literallybegging me to come out there.

Cheer up.

You're gonna be aCalifornia girl.

[laughs] My California kids.

-It's Grand Canyon day!

[music playing]

-[sigh] You gotta be kidding me.

-Maybe it'll go fast.

-What is this, NationalGrand Canyon day?

Jesus.

[sigh]

-We're finally here, Natty.

TOM: Ugh, finally.

-Uh, that'll be $49.

-Excuse me?

-Uh, 25 for the vehicle,and 24 for the two adults.

-I think I heard you say $49.

I must have heard wrong.

--[laugh] No, youheard right, sir.

-Really?

Uh, I-- yeah.

I don't know that I can condonethat kind of highway robbery

when it comes to anational treasure.

Let me ask you something.

Do you feel comfortablecharging that kind of money

for somethingowned by taxpayers?

-Uh, someone's gotta payfor the upkeep, uh, salaries

and so forth.

-Well, I thought that'swhy I have the pleasure

of the federal government taking40% of my salary every year.

-Uh, no.

It's not for the GrandCanyon entrance fees, sir.

-Yeah?

You can keep yourGrand Canyon then.

CAROLINE: Dad, youcan't do this to him.

You just can't.

-I thought a promisewas a promise.

-Yeah, I'm sorry, guys.

But we're way behind schedule.

You kids got to start school.

I got to start my job.

-[crying]

TOM: We don't want to rushthrough something like that.

We'll go back someday whenwe have more time, OK?

NAT: [crying]

-Hey, I'll tell you what.

We'll go to WalnutCanyon instead.

-You told us we weregoing to the Grand

Canyon, not someother dinky canyon.

-Yeah, well.

We're not.

It's just the way it's gonna be.

-Why?

Just 'cause you're too cheapto do what you promised?

-You better shutyour mouth, Greta.

-Not this again.

TOM: You shut yours, too.

GRIZ: Or what?

What are you gonna do?

Abandon us, like you did Mom?

-Give me a break.

You know damn well yourmother's coming later.

-Why do you keepfeeding us this bull?

You're divorcing her.

Admit it.

Why don't you justtell us the truth?

-Hey!

I've had enough of your lip.

Your mother abandoned you,not the other way around!

Get that throughyour goddamn skull,

you ungrateful little shit.

Who's with you right now?

Who's carting you 3,000 milesat great personal hardship

and expense, huh?

I got news for you.

It's not your mother.

-You're a liar!

I want to go back to Mom.-Get out, then.

Get out!

NAT: No!

CAROLINE: Jesus, Dad.

Stop!

NAT: No, Greta!

TOM: Yeah.

Get out and runback to your Mommy.

I don't want to lookat your little face.

CAROLINE: Dad, this is crazy!

You can't do this.

NAT: Stop!

[sobbing]

-You're a fucking asshole!

TOM: Get out!

[car approaching]

[music playing]

[dial tone]

[dialing]

[phone ringing]

JANE (ON ANSWERINGMACHINE): Hi, Tom,

Jane, Caroline, Greta, and--

-Come with me a sec.

You know, I don't enjoy havingthose kinds of arguments

with you.

And I don't want themto keep happening.

I do understand that this ishard on you, this move and all.

And I gotta tell you somethingthat might make it harder.

Your mom isn't atAunt Dee Dee's.

-Where is she, then?

-She's at a psychiatric clinic.

-Why?

-'Cause she had a breakdownwhen you were at camp.

-Breakdown?

-Yeah, that's right.

A nervous breakdown.

She'll be there a little longer.

Then she'll be out.

-Why did we leave her, then?

-You know why.

We had to get California, Griz.

It'll be OK.

She'll be out soon.

-What about the lawyers,and Grandma and Grandpa?

-They seem to think that I'mnot allowed to move you kids.

And-- and they're wrong.

-What are they doing?

-Oh, just makingempty threats, mostly.

You know, nothing you needto get too worried about.

-What's gonna happen?

-It'll all be OK, Griz.

I promise.

-Does Caroline know?

-Yeah.

-Why didn't you tell me?

Why wouldn't you tell me?

-Well, I-- I didn't want tomake this whole process harder

on you kids.

-But you lied to us.

-No.

-You said so yourself.

-No.-Sometimes you have to lie.

-Not in this case.

Listen.

There are realitiesthat kids aren't

supposed to deal with yet.

You have the rest of yourlife to deal with this crap.

I'd rather not be a partof dishing it out now.

-But you are.

-This move is going to turnto be one of the best things

to ever happen to our family.

-We're not evena family anymore.

-Oh, that's not fair.

-You kept acting likeeverything was gonna be fine.

-I think it will be.

-I don't.

[music playing]

TOM: Ah, ha ha.

There it is, guys-- LosAngeles, the City of Angels.

Los Angeles.

We made it.

Woo hoo!

[music playing]

Ah.

Oh.

Well, nerds, you just traveled2,848 miles to your new home.

What?

This will be fine, guys.

You haven't even seen the pool.

Come on.

[pool toy inflating]

Ah, OK.

So we'll all sleepin here together

till we rent the furniture.

That way you guys don'thave to sleep alone.

-We're renting furniture?

-Yeah.

-When will that be?

-Soon.

NAT: Hey, Dad?

-Yeah.

-Are these for the pool?

-Well, that's oneway to use them.

But, uh, we're gonna usethem as mattresses for now.

Someone want to give me a handat blowing these things up?

Well, tomorrow I'll dropyou guys off at school.

You'll have to findanother solution, though,

because I'll need toleave early for work.

I'll get you guys bikes.

-What about me?

-We'll figure something out.

Come on, Caroline.

-You could ride a bike, too.

NAT: When's Mom coming?

CAROLINE: Please say soon.

-Probably in thenext couple weeks.

We'll see.

-You said she'd be here.

-Yeah.

That's what I thought.

I'm sorry I don'thave all the answers.

No one does.

GRIZ: Hey, Ham?

CAROLINE: Mhm.

-Could you show me how to domy hair like yours, for school?

-Why do you wantto look like me?

-I don't know.

You're pretty.

-Yeah, I'll do it foryou in the morning.

-Dad told me aboutwhat happened with Mom.

What happened when I was away?

-Just a lot of thetypical fighting.

-And then what?

-And-- and then Mom just--Mom kind of flipped out.

She's gonna be OK.

This happened once before.

-When?

-I don't know.

Um, I guess you weretoo young to remember.

She was gone for like 10days, and then she came back.

That wooden box that youhave, with the horse on it?

-Yeah.

CAROLINE: She madethat thing here.

-At the hospital?

CAROLINE: Mom's been sadfor a really long time.

She and Dad, they just--they just don't get along.

-Well, then they should thinkabout us and not themselves.

-Well, they do.

They just do itin their own way.

NAT: Oh, ho.

TOM: [laughing]

Grounder.

NAT: Oh, oh, oh!

Oh!

[tom and nat playing]

TOM: Good!

[laughs]

NAT: Oh, ho.

Oh!

[movie on tv]

MAN (ON TV): I wantto report a murder.

DETECTIVE (ON TV): Sit down.

Where was this murder committed?

MAN (ON TV): SanFrancisco, last night.

DETECTIVE (ON TV):Who was murdered?

MAN (ON TV): I was.

TOM: [snoring]

[music playing]

[floorboards creaking]

TOM: (WHISPERING) Hey, Griz.

Griz.

Come here a sec.

[phone ringing]

JANE (ON PHONE): Hello?

-Mom?

JANE (ON PHONE): Greta.

-Where are you?

JANE (ON PHONE):I'm here at home.

Are you OK?

-Are you?

JANE (ON PHONE): I'm OK.

-You were at the hospital.

JANE (ON PHONE): Things werehard while you were at camp.

-Why didn't anyone tell me?

JANE (ON PHONE): I don't know.

I don't know why yourfather didn't tell you.

I miss you so much.

Are you OK?

-I'm fine.

JANE (ON PHONE): [shaky sigh]

-Did you hurtyourself of anything?

JANE (ON PHONE): No, I'm OK.

I'm OK.

-Are you coming out here?

JANE (ON PHONE): You haveto know how much I love you,

Greta.

-Are you?

JANE (ON PHONE): It'svery complicated.

-Dad?

[chatter]

-Hey!

[giggling]

GRIZ: Did you meetanyone cool at school?

NAT: Not really.

GRIZ: Did you meet any dorkuses?

NAT: You mean other than you?

-Other than you.

Hey, where's your meteorite?

Is this the longest youguys have been apart?

NAT: It's just a rock, you know.

[music playing]

[music - the low anthem]