Original subtitles

GOOD MORNING.

OH, GOOD MORNING, NINA.

SAY, I HAVE A 2-FOR-1 DINNER COUPON

AT CAFE DE BOEUF--

THAT'S FRENCH FOR "CAFE OF BEEF,"

AND MARY REFUSES TO COME.

WE'VE BEEN 4 TIMES THIS WEEK.

SO HOW DOES 7:00 SOUND?

SORRY, DR. SOLOMON. I'M BUSY.

NO. LET ME EXPLAIN.

IF I BUY A STEAK DINNER, YOU GET ONE FOR FREE.

AND THEN WHEN THE GARCON TURNS HIS BACK,

YOU CAN JUST SLIP ME A FEW BUCKS UNDER THE TABLE.

THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF YOU,

BUT I HAVE A MEETING

OF THE BLACK STUDENT UNION.

NINA, THIS COUPON EXPIRES TONIGHT.

YOU'LL STILL BE BLACK TOMORROW.

THAT'S TRUE, BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS.

BUT--I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL COME TO THE MEETING,

AND THEN WE CAN GO GRAB

SOME HALF-PRICED BOEUF.

DR. SOLOMON, I DON'T THINK YOU'D GET A LOT OUT OF IT.

THE MEETING'S A DISCUSSION GROUP

FOR BLACK MEMBERS OF THE PENDLETON COMMUNITY.

SORT OF LIKE WEIGHT WATCHERS?

I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE.

BUT--BUT NINA--

I DON'T GET IT. WHY WON'T SHE ADMIT

THAT THE BLACK STUDENT UNION

IS JUST A BLATANT RIPOFF OF WEIGHT WATCHERS?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT!

DICK, YOU'VE GOT TO ACCEPT THE FACT

THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS IN LIFE

YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

OH, I ACCEPT THAT.

BUT WHAT ARE THEY

AND WHY WON'T I UNDERSTAND THEM?!

HEY, HARRY, HOW WAS THE LIBRARY?

YOU ARE LOOKING AT A FREE MAN.

I RETURNED THE BOOK,

PAID THE $14 IN LATE FEES,

CHECKED IT RIGHT BACK OUT AGAIN.

OH, BUT GET THIS.

THE LIBRARY IS HAVING A POETRY CONTEST,

AND THE TOPIC IS

"IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD."

ISN'T THAT PERFECT FOR US?

YEAH, SURE.

WE'VE GOT A KEEN THIRD-PARTY OBSERVER PERSPECTIVE.

TOO BAD POETRY'S STUPID.

I DON'T THINK IT'S STUPID.

I THINK IT'S BORING.

THE SIGN SAID THERE WOULD BE PRIZES.

PRIZES?

YOU MEAN LIKE A TRIP TO HAWAII?

OR LIKE A DUNE BUGGY?

HEY, IT'S THE PUBLIC LIBRARY!

SKY'S THE LIMIT!

I'M IN.

IN! IN!

[LAUGHTER]

UH-OH, SOLOMON'S HERE.

CHECK, PLEASE.

OH, OH, GOOD.

LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO TALK TO CARYN,

SO IF YOU GUYS WOULDN'T MIND HITTING THE BRICKS.

DID YOU HAPPEN TO GO

TO THE BLACK STUDENT UNION MEETING LAST NIGHT?

OH, YEAH, I WENT.

DID YOU HAPPEN TO TAKE ANY NOTES OR PHOTOS?

YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THOSE MEETINGS ARE TO ME.

YEAH. UM, DR. SOLOMON,

YOU'RE NOT BLACK.

WELL, HOW BLACK DO YOU HAVE TO BE?

I MEAN, YOU'RE A MILKY COCOA AT BEST.

THIS ISN'T REALLY ABOUT COLOR.

I SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID AFRICAN-AMERICAN.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED AT THE MEETING? TELL ME.

YEAH, I'M LEAVING NOW.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED

ON "THE JEFFERSONS" LAST NIGHT.

WEEZY ALMOST STARTED A FIRE.

OH, OH, AND THEY CHANGED LIONELS.

IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD,

I'D HAVE EVERY SWIMMING POOL

HAVE A SHALLOW END, A DEEP END,

AND AN UNBELIEVABLY DEEP END.

THAT IS EXCELLENT. YEAH.

OK, IF I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD,

I'D MAKE EVERY GUY LOOK LIKE DON.

THEN HOW WOULD YOU TELL WHICH ONE WAS DON?

THEY WOULDN'T ALL BE NAMED DON, DUMBASS.

I WONDER WHAT I'D LOOK LIKE

IF I LOOKED LIKE DON.

OH. YOU GUYS, HERE COMES DICK.

CHECK, PLEASE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'VE BEEN THINKING--

WE SHOULD ALL ATTEND

THE NEXT BLACK STUDENT UNION MEETING.

WHATEVER. OK.

WELL, MAYBE THERE'S, LIKE,

A WHITE ONE WE COULD GO TO.

YOU THINK? WHY NOT?

BARTENDER...

EXCUSE ME, ARE THERE ANY WHITE SUPPORT GROUPS

IN THIS AREA?

YOU MEAN LIKE THOSE WHITE POWER GUYS

WHO MEET OUT IN HENDERSONVILLE?

WHITE POWER.

THAT SOUNDS UPLIFTING. YEAH.

THANK YOU, MY WHITE BROTHER.

WE'LL HAVE TWO ORDERS OF BUFFALO WINGS, PLEASE.

YOU PEOPLE DISGUST ME.

ALL RIGHT, MAKE THAT ONE ORDER OF WINGS

AND ONE MOZZARELLA STICKS.

ANYWAY, IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

YEAH. WHITE PEOPLE PLAYING WHITE GAMES.

HAVING WHITE DISCUSSIONS.

YEAH, WHERE DO WHITE PEOPLE GO

FOR REALLY GOOD PIZZA?

I'D BE INTERESTED TO KNOW.

HEY...

YOU THINK BARRY WHITE WILL SING?

WHY WOULDN'T HE?

Man over megaphone: LOOK TO OURSELVES

AND THE FUTURE GENERATION

TO SEIZE CONTROL OF OUR NATION'S DESTINY.

[CHEERING]

YOU SAY, WHAT'S INVOLVED?

THIS IS OUR NATION. WE WERE HERE FIRST.

WE AREN'T GOIN' ANYWHERE! [CHEERING]

WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING BARRY WHITE WASN'T THERE.

THOSE GUYS WERE KIND OF CREEPY.

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY BURNED

THAT GIANT LOWERCASE LETTER "T"?

I DON'T WANT TO BE A PART OF ANY GROUP

THAT HATES THE LOWERCASE LETTER "T."

NO, THEY HATED MORE THAN THAT.

THEY HATED JUST ABOUT EVERYBODY.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE GOOD?

IF PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT RACES

COULD LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE

AND, OH, I DON'T KNOW...

SAY, HARMONY?

HARRY, HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?

THAT IS SO BRILLIANT.

YOU GUYS, THAT'S THE TOPIC FOR OUR POETRY CONTEST!

UNCHARTED TERRITORY!

GET A PEN! GET A PEN!

OH, HERE COMES DICK.

CHECK, PLEASE.

OH, NINA, GOOD.

I WANTED TO ASK YOU,

DID PEOPLE DRESS UP IN ROBES

AT YOUR BLACK STUDENT UNION MEETING?

NO.

AND, UH, WAS THERE A GUY WITH A MICROPHONE

SHOUTING UNATTRACTIVELY?

NO.

OK, GOOD. ONE LAST QUESTION--

WILL YOU ONLY REST

WHEN THE BLOOD OF WHITE PEOPLE

OVERFLOWS THE RIVERS OF AMERICA

AND RUNS OUT TO SEA?

NO, I'LL PROBABLY REST BEFORE THAT.

ANY REASON YOU ASK?

NO, IT'S JUST THAT LAST NIGHT,

I WENT TO THIS RALLY IN HENDERSONVILLE--

YOU WHAT?!

YOU WENT TO A WHITE POWER RALLY?

BECAUSE OF YOU.

WHAT?! WHAT?!

I--I DIDN'T LIKE IT!

OK, SO WHAT RHYMES WITH RACISM?

WEIGH STATION!

All: YEAH!

UH, THAT DOESN'T RHYME.

YES, IT DOES.

OK, YOU KNOW WHAT RHYMES WITH WEIGH STATION?

PLAYSTATION.

THAT'S IT!

YEAH, BUT, YOU GUYS,

WE ALREADY RHYMED WEIGH STATION WITH RACISM.

THEY DON'T RHYME.

PLAYSTATION AND WEIGH STATION RHYME BETTER.

YEAH, AND THAT WAY WE CAN AVOID

THE WHOLE RACISM THING.

IT'S SUCH A DOWNER. I KNOW.

ISN'T IT THE POINT

THAT WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT RACISM?

YES. POETRY'S HARD.

WELL, YOU KNOW,

POETRY DOESN'T HAVE TO RHYME.

WHAT?

YEAH, POETRY THAT DOESN'T WIN PRIZES.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

I MEAN, READ WALT WHITMAN.

HE NEVER RHYMED.

LOOK, EITHER RHYME SOMETHING

WITH PLAYSTATION OR LEAVE.

CLAYMATION?

FINALLY SOMETHING WE CAN USE!

ALL RIGHT.

RACISM IS AS BAD AS CLAYMATION.

THAT IS A...

MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE TO RHYME.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

BREAKTHROUGH. YEAH.

OK, CLASS, HERE'S YOUR EXAM.

JUST PASS IT AROUND.

I ONLY HAVE ONE BECAUSE MY ASSISTANT NINA

REFUSES TO MAKE ME COPIES.

DID YOU DO SOMETHING RUDE

LIKE ACCUSE HER OF NOT BEING COMPLETELY BLACK?

ALL I DID WAS GO TO A WHITE POWER RALLY,

AND NOW SHE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME.

YOU WENT TO A WHITE POWER RALLY?

WELL, I AM WHITE.

[GROANS]

THAT IS SUCH A WHITE MALE RATIONALIZATION.

JUST DENY THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF WHITE OPPRESSION

AND THEN HAVE THE NERVE

TO SAY THAT YOU WANT EQUALITY.

OH, YEAH, RIGHT. WHITE OPPRESSION.

I'M SURE HISTORY REALLY BACKS THAT ONE UP.

WELL, YEAH. THERE'S, LIKE, SLAVERY.

RACIAL QUOTAS.

JAPANESE INTERNMENT CAMPS.

GLASS CEILINGS.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

DO YOU EVEN HAVE ONE BLACK FRIEND?

WELL, THERE'S, UH, NINA.

SHE'S YOUR ASSISTANT.

WELL, THERE'S YOU, CARYN.

I'M YOUR STUDENT.

WELL, THEN, THERE'S...AL ROKER.

HE'S ON TELEVISION!

YOU'RE KIDDING, ROKE'S ON TV?

I GOT TO GIVE HIM A CALL!

[GASPS]

OK, WHAT?

MY STUDENTS ARE RIGHT.

I COLONIZED EVERY CONTINENT.

I ENSLAVED AN ENTIRE PEOPLE,

AND EVEN AFTER I ABOLISHED SLAVERY,

I--I CONTINUED TO MARGINALIZE MINORITIES

WITH ECONOMIC DISINCENTIVES.

DON'T LET THIS EAT YOU UP.

ANGEL FOOD CAKE IS WHITE.

DEVIL'S FOOD CAKE-- BLACK!

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

WHO GETS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE IN CHESS?

THE WHITE GUYS.

DICK, I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS WHITE GUILT THING, TOO.

WHITE GUILT?

OH, YEAH.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, ONE OF MY ANCESTORS

WAS A PROPONENT OF SLAVERY.

WHO?

WELL, ACTUALLY...

MY MOM.

HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF?

SHE'S NOT ME,

AND I'VE LEARNED BY OBSERVING HER BEHAVIOR

THAT WE HAVE THE POWER TO DO WHATEVER WE WANT.

WE HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE CHANGES IN SOCIETY.

WE DO?

ABSOLUTELY.

SO STOP FEELING GUILTY AND DO SOMETHING.

AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU PICKED

THE COLOR OF YOUR SKIN, RIGHT?

SO, MRS. DUBCEK,

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE POEM?

WELL, THE THING ABOUT THIS CONTEST IS

EVERYBODY IN IT IS UNDER THE AGE OF 10.

THEY'RE ALL KIDS?

WE ARE GONNA KICK ASS.

YES! YEAH!

UH, MISS DUBCEK, THERE'S A MAN DOWNSTAIRS

POUNDING ON YOUR DOOR.

OH, HE WOKE UP.

MAYBE I SHOULD LET HIM OUT.

HEY, DICK.

HEY.

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER WHY WE ALL DECIDED TO BE WHITE?

OH. UM, I WENT WITH WHITE

'CAUSE I THOUGHT I'D BE A LITTLE COOLER

IN THE SUMMER.

WELL, DON'T YOU REMEMBER, DICK?

ALL THE TELEVISION SIGNALS

THAT WE PICKED UP IN OUTER SPACE

WERE FILLED WITH WHITE PEOPLE.

OH, EXCEPT FOR THAT, UH, THAT BLACK NERD

WITH THE HIKED-UP PANTS AND THE OVERSIZED GLASSES.

WHAT WAS HIS NAME?

BRYANT GUMBEL. RIGHT.

WELL, GUESS WHAT?

WE'VE UNWITTINGLY ALIGNED OURSELVES

WITH THE MOST DESPICABLE FORCE

IN WESTERN CIVILIZATION.

BUMMER.

YEAH, BUT, DICK,

WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.

WE CAN'T CHANGE SOCIETY.

AND THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG.

MARY SAYS WE CAN, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA DO IT.

WELL, HOW?

I'M GONNA REVITALIZE AMERICA'S URBAN EDUCATION SYSTEM.

I'M GONNA CREATE ENTERPRISE ZONES

TO DRAW IN INVESTORS.

I'M GONNA SET UP A $1 BILLION MINORITY SCHOLARSHIP FUND,

AND I'D LIKE US, AS A FAMILY,

TO KICK IT WITH SEAN "PUFFY" COMBS MORE OFTEN.

NO, DICK, I MEANT IT'S AGAINST THE RULES

OF OUR MISSION TO CHANGE SOCIETY.

OH, DAMN, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO CONCENTRATE ON NINA.

OH, NINA, GOOD. I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.

CAN I TALK TO YOU?

WHAT IS IT, DR. SOLOMON?

NO, NO. I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION, NINA, DEAR,

THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PLACED

IN A SERVILE ROLE.

THIS JOB HAS PUT YOU

ON THE FAST TRACK TO NOWHERE,

BUT ALL THAT IS ABOUT TO CHANGE.

I HAVE SOME WONDERFUL NEWS FOR YOU.

WHAT?

NINA...

YOU'RE FIRED.

WHAT?!

FLY! FLY LIKE A BIRD!

OH, YOU HAVE FINALLY LOST IT!

HARSH MEDICINE, I KNOW,

BUT IT'S WHAT YOU NEED.

THIS JOB IS WHAT I NEED.

THIS JOB PAYS FOR MY HEALTH INSURANCE,

AND I GET TO TAKE FREE CLASSES.

NINA, SWEETHEART, TRUST ME.

I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME.

YOU THINK I'M SOME LITTLE HELPLESS BLACK GIRL

WHO CAN'T MAKE IT IN THE WORLD

WITHOUT THE HELP OF SOME ENLIGHTENED WHITE GUY

SHOWING HER THE WAY.

AND YOU SAY I DON'T KNOW YOU.

DR. SOLOMON, WHEN I LOOK AT YOU,

I DON'T SEE COLOR.

I SEE A JACKASS. GOOD NIGHT.

"IT TAKES ME EVERYWHERE, TO PLACES THAT I LIKE.

AND THAT IS WHY, MY FRIENDS, WHY I LOVE MY BIKE."

THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE]

NOT GOOD. NOT A GOOD POEM.

NOPE. APPARENTLY SHE DIDN'T WANT

TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

YEAH. SHE'S JUST COASTING

ON HER LOOKS.

YUP.

HEY, UH, MRS. GOLTRA,

ARE WE UP NEXT?

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE TOO OLD

FOR THIS POETRY CONTEST?

OLD? MAYBE YOUR IDEAS ARE TOO OLD.

MAYBE YOU'RE JUST AFRAID OF WHAT WE MIGHT SAY.

YEAH. MAYBE AGEISM

HAS GOTTEN THE BETTER OF YOU, MRS. GOLTRA.

WE'RE NOT LEAVING.

FINE. FINE. JUST READ YOUR POEM

AND DON'T BREAK ANYTHING ELSE.

OH, MY GOD. OK. SHH.

"IF WE COULD CHANGE THE WORLD."

RACISM.

IT'S HERE.

RACISM. STOP RACISM.

STOP RACISM. STOP.

RACISM.

STOP! WHAT?

WELL, YOU'RE STANDING ON MY FOOT.

ALL RIGHT! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

NEVER AGAIN SHOULD A CHEROKEE MAN

BOARD A COMMERCIAL JET LINER

AND BE AFRAID THAT THE COWBOY PILOT

WILL TAKE HIM AND THE REST OF THE PASSENGERS OUT.

RACISM.

WE DREAM OF A WORLD

WHERE EVERY PHOTO IS IN COLOR,

AND BLACK AND WHITE PHOTOGRAPHY

IS A HILARIOUS JOKE,

AKIN TO SOMEONE SAYING,

"HEY, YOUR HORSE AND BUGGY IS HERE."

WEIGH STATION.

IN THIS WORLD,

AMERICA WILL DO THE LAUNDRY OF THE CHINESE.

All: AND WE WILL MIX THE WHITES AND COLORS.

ONE LOAD, ONE WORLD!

[PIANO PLAYING]

♪ CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT ♪

♪ CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT ♪

♪ AND YOU WONDER WHY ♪

♪ MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪

♪ CRY ALL NIGHT LONG ♪

♪ CRY ALL NIGHT LONG ♪

♪ SOMETHING'S GONE WRONG ♪

♪ SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG ♪

♪ MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪

LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN.

All: AMEN.

Dick: AMEN!

IF I COULD HAVE YOUR SWEET ATTENTION,

HERE AT THE PIANO.

[PLAYING]

DR. SOLOMON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THERE'S SOMETHING THAT NEEDS

TO BE SAID HERE, NINA.

[GOSPEL FLOURISH]

SOMETIMES A MAN,

HE THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

BUT THAT MAN, HE KNOWS NOTHING.

HE'S SO LOST.

NEVER LOOKS AT LIFE

FROM ANY ANGLE BUT HIS OWN.

BUT THEN ONE DAY, HE SEES THE LIGHT.

HE READS THE BOOKS.

LEARNS BLACK CULTURE LIKE A PRO.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MALCOLM X AND MR. T?

YOU JUST ASK HIM.

BUT I PITY THE FOOL.

THIS FOOL, HE THINKS HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

BUT STILL, STILL, HE KNOWS NOTHING.

YOU KNOW WHY?

♪ WHY? ♪

HE PICKED THE WHITE BODY.

♪ FOOL CHOSE THE WHITE BODY ♪

HE DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD A WHOLE RAINBOW

TO PICK FROM.

NOBODY TOLD HIM.

♪ NOBODY TOLD HIM ♪

BUT I, DICK SOLOMON, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME,

TELL ME THAT I CAN BE A GOOD MAN.

TELL ME I CAN BE GOOD...

IN SPITE OF MY COLOR.

♪ DICK SOLOMON, YOU CAN BE GOOD ♪

♪ DICK SOLOMON, YOU CAN BE GOOD ♪

NINA CAMPBELL...

WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

TELL ME I CAN BE GOOD.

TELL ME, NINA!

TELL ME I CAN BE GOOD.

I SUPPOSE.

NINA, TELL ME.

TELL ME YOU'RE MY FRIEND.

I'M YOUR FRIEND.

YEAH, WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE.

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME.

♪ DICK SOLOMON, YOU CAN BE GOOD ♪

COME ON, TELL ME.

♪ DICK SOLOMON, YOU CAN BE GOOD ♪

TELL ME I'M YOUR SAVIOR!

GOOD NIGHT, REVEREND.

OK, THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE TOO MUCH.

NINA! NINA!

SO HOW'D YOU GUYS DO ON THE POETRY CONTEST?

EH, PRETTY GOOD.

IT WAS A LITTLE TOUCH-AND-GO THERE

FOR A WHILE.

WE HAD TO WRESTLE THE TROPHY AWAY

FROM THAT LITTLE BLONDE "WINNER."

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

AS LONG AS WE'VE BEEN HERE, WE'VE BELIEVED THAT,

AS ALIENS, WE WERE SUPERIOR.

BUT WHAT I REALIZED IS... NOBODY'S SUPERIOR.

WE'RE ALL JUST DIFFERENT, THAT'S ALL.

YEAH, DICK,

LIKE WE'RE NO BETTER THAN HUMANS?

YEAH!

HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOK AT THIS--

I'M HUMAN.

[LOWERS VOICE] CAN I GET CHEESE ON THAT?

♪ I WAS SO BLIND ♪

♪ I WAS SO LOST ♪

♪ UNTIL YOU SPOKE TO ME ♪

♪ OOOH ♪

1, 2, 3, 4--

♪ CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT ♪

♪ AND YOU WONDER WHY ♪

♪ MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪

♪ CRY ALL NIGHT LONG ♪

♪ SOMETHING HAS GONE WRONG ♪

♪ MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪

ONE MORE TIME!

♪ CAN'T SLEEP AT NIGHT ♪

♪ AND YOU WONDER WHY ♪

♪ MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ♪