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1
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:05,403
YOU WANTED
TO SEE ME, DICK?
2
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:06,805
OH, MARY, THANK GOD.
3
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:08,940
I WANTED TO SHOW YOU
THAT IF YOU MIX UP
THE LETTERS
4
00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,442
IN YOUR LAST NAME,
5
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:11,943
IT SPELLS "LAB RIGHT."
6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,447
OK.
7
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,516
BUT WHAT WAS THE EMERGENCY
8
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,451
THAT COULDN'T WAIT
ANOTHER SECOND,
9
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,154
THAT MADE ME
GET OFF THE PHONE
WITH THE CHANCELLOR?
10
00:00:22,156 --> 00:00:24,756
"LAB RIGHT."
11
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:28,427
DICK, LOOK.
SOMETHING WEIRD
IS GOING ON AT WORK.
12
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:30,228
DOUG'S GONNA MAKE ME
PAY TAXES.
13
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,964
EVERYONE PAYS TAXES,
HARRY.
14
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,000
IT IS OUR DUTY, NAY,
OUR PRIVILEGE
15
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:37,602
TO PAY TAXES
WHEN WE PURCHASE GOODS,
16
00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:40,406
SUCH AS CHOCOLATES
AND COMBS.
17
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,408
THAT'S VERY NOBLE
OF YOU, DICK,
IN FEBRUARY.
18
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,476
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU SAY
IN APRIL WHEN YOU HAVE
TO FILE YOUR RETURN.
19
00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:46,578
MY RETURN?
20
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,879
YOUR TAX RETURN.
21
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,082
OH. MY TAX RETURN.
22
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:52,784
THE ONE YOU FILE
EVERY YEAR.
23
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:53,952
OH, THAT. YES.
24
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,087
WELL, NINA DOES
ALL MY FILING.
25
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:57,088
UH, NINA!
26
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:58,023
WHAT?
27
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,591
UH, BRING ME MY RETURN.
28
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:00,592
YOUR RETURN?
29
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,660
MY RETURN. MY RETURN.
30
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:03,728
YOU SEE WHAT
I HAVE TO DEAL WITH?
31
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,364
MY RETURN!
32
00:01:08,335 --> 00:01:10,335
ALL RIGHT. FORM 1040.
33
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,437
FIRST NAME: DICK.
34
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:15,007
LAST NAME: SOLOMON.
35
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:18,143
AND MARY SAID THIS WOULD
BE COMPLICATED.
36
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:21,146
DICK, THIS IS SO BORING.
WHY ARE WE DOING IT?
37
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:24,215
BECAUSE, SALLY,
THIS IS WHAT HUMANS DO.
38
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:26,217
IT'S LIKE THEIR
NATIONAL PASTIME.
39
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:27,619
AND YOU DON'T WANT US
TO STAND OUT.
40
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,621
HEY. YOU KNOW
WHAT WOULD BE FUNNY?
41
00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:33,258
WHERE IT SAYS SEX,
WRITE "FREQUENTLY."
42
00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:36,261
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, HARRY!
43
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,629
THAT IS FUNNY.
44
00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:40,031
THEY DON'T ASK
FOR YOUR SEX HERE.
45
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,100
WELL, IF THERE'S ANYPLACE
YOU CAN INDICATE
46
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,770
THAT YOU LIKE TO HAVE
FREQUENT SEX, I THINK
IT'S WORTH DOING.
47
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:49,041
"FARM INCOME OR LOSS."
48
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:52,477
SO DID OUR FARM
SHOW A PROFIT LAST YEAR?
49
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:53,912
NO. WHERE IS
SCHEDULE F?
50
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,914
WAIT, WAIT. WE DIDN'T
HAVE A FARM LAST YEAR.
51
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:57,348
WE LOST THE FARM!
52
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,417
NO!
53
00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,720
LINE 14.
"OTHER GAINS OR LOSSES."
54
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:02,588
I GAINED 2 POUNDS.
55
00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:03,755
I LOST MY VIRGINITY.
56
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:04,823
HEY.
57
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:06,257
THERE'S
YOUR OPPORTUNITY
58
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:09,728
FOR THAT
FREQUENT SEX THING
GOING TO THROW IN.
59
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:12,931
"ENTER ITEMIZED DEDUCTIONS
FROM PAGE 3, SCHEDULE C,
LINE 2,
60
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:16,801
TO THE EXTENT THEY ARE
ALLOWABLE ON SCHEDULE A,
FORM 1040-NR."
61
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,804
"ENTER THE LARGER
OF YOUR ITEMIZED
DEDUCTIONS
62
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:24,743
FROM LINE 28
OR STANDARD DEDUCTION
SHOWN ON THE LEFT."
63
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,978
MY LEFT OR ITS LEFT?
64
00:02:28,748 --> 00:02:31,683
"SEE PAGE 30 TO FIND
YOUR STANDARD DEDUCTION
65
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:35,687
"IF YOU CHECKED ANY BOX
ON LINE 35-A OR 35-B
66
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:40,325
OR IF SOMEONE
CAN CLAIM YOU
AS A DEPENDENT."
67
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,867
I'M TELLING YOU,
THERE IS NO SCHEDULE P!
68
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,936
THERE HAS TO BE, DAMN IT!
69
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,304
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!
70
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,539
I'M A SUPERIOR BEING.
71
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:56,175
I CAN CALCULATE
THE DECAYING ORBIT
OF A DYING MOON
72
00:02:56,177 --> 00:02:58,177
TO WITHIN 1/10 OF AN INCH.
73
00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:00,979
WHY CAN'T I CALCULATE
THE SUBTOTAL OF LINE 59-A?
74
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:03,915
WHY CAN'T I FIND
LINE 59-A?
75
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,817
WHERE THE HELL
IS LINE 59-A?!
76
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,752
I CAN'T TAKE THIS
ANYMORE!
77
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,521
I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
78
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:12,156
I HATE IT! I HATE IT!
79
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:19,698
OH, HERE IT IS.
80
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,834
EVERYBODY JUST SETTLE DOWN.
81
00:03:55,035 --> 00:04:00,372
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS
AND THE NATIONAL
BROADCASTING COMPANY
82
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:06,678
OK, YOU ADD LINES 41
THROUGH 47.
83
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,680
OH, YES, MARY.
84
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,082
YOU ARE THE SEXIEST
ACCOUNTANT IN TOWN.
85
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,150
YEAH.
86
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,818
JUST A MINUTE, DICK.
I'M NOT QUITE DONE.
87
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:16,821
OH, THAT'S IT MARY.
CRUNCH THOSE NUMBERS.
88
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:18,189
CRUNCH 'EM GOOD.
89
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,625
SO YOU SUBTRACT LINE 64
90
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,494
FROM 56...
91
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,328
YES. NOW DEDUCT MY PANTS.
92
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:29,301
DICK, I THINK
YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO
KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.
93
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,735
WHY IS THAT?
94
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:33,305
BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO
LOSE YOUR SHIRT.
95
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,739
AND SO ARE YOU.
96
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:37,875
YOU OWE $9,500!
97
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,377
WHAT?!
98
00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,412
YOU BITCH!
99
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,518
YOU DIDN'T PAY ANY TAXES.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
100
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,087
WELL, I CERTAINLY
DIDN'T EXPECT MY GIRLFRIEND
101
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,322
TO WEAR MY ASS
AS A SNOWSHOE!
102
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:57,395
$9,500?
103
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,896
OH, MY GOD!
104
00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,899
YOU GUYS,
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
105
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:04,102
LOOK AT ALL THESE RECEIPTS
FROM ALL THESE MEALS.
106
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,337
IF WE'D ONLY
TALKED ABOUT BUSINESS
DURING SOME OF THEM,
107
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,907
WE COULD WRITE OFF
ALL THIS MONEY
AS DEDUCTIONS.
108
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,615
WHO SAYS WE DIDN'T...
109
00:05:16,617 --> 00:05:18,716
TALK ABOUT BUSINESS?
110
00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:21,386
YES.
111
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:22,720
'CAUSE THAT'S
THE ONLY REASON
112
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,756
WE EVER GO OUT
TO EAT, ANYWAY,
RIGHT,
113
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:25,957
IS TO TALK...
114
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:28,126
ABOUT...BUSINESS.
115
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,463
BUSINESS.
116
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,499
OK, I MUST TUNE OUT,
117
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:38,603
BECAUSE I NEVER
HEAR US TALKING
ABOUT BUSINESS.
118
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,273
YES.
119
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:43,275
WE CAN LIE
120
00:05:43,277 --> 00:05:45,343
ON OUR TAXES.
121
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:50,148
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT NO HUMAN
122
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,150
HAS EVER
THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE.
123
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:54,453
OK, WAIT A SECOND,
YOU GUYS.
WHAT IF WE GET CAUGHT?
124
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,455
HOW CAN WE GET CAUGHT?
125
00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,957
ALL THOSE OTHER DOPES
OUT THERE
126
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,493
ARE TELLING THE TRUTH
ABOUT THEIR TAXES.
127
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,394
THEY'RE JUST GOING
TO ASSUME THAT...
128
00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:05,063
WE ARE, TOO.
129
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,064
HEY,
CHECK THIS OUT.
130
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,566
YOU CAN GET
A DEDUCTION
131
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:08,867
FOR HAVING
A HOME BUSINESS.
132
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:09,934
REALLY?
133
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,870
THEN IT'S A GOOD THING
134
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,840
THAT YOU RUN ONE HERE,
SALLY.
135
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,341
YES, DICK,
136
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,776
IT SURE IS.
137
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,446
IS THIS THE BUSINESS
138
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:24,816
THAT I NEVER
HEAR YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?
139
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,918
OH, AND LOOK AT THIS.
140
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,288
HERE'S A RECEIPT
FOR $14.99.
141
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,290
OR IS IT...
142
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:36,194
$114.99?
143
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,330
OR IS IT...
144
00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:44,068
$1,114.99?
145
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,937
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
YOU THINK THEY'LL
BUY THAT?
146
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,806
I MEAN,
THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
FOR A PENCIL SHARPENER.
147
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:50,876
SIMPLE.
148
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:54,045
WE JUST CROSS OUT
"PENCIL SHARPENER"...
149
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,214
AND WRITE IN...
150
00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:59,217
"AIRPLANE."
151
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,454
IT'S BRILLIANT!
152
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:09,393
WELL...
153
00:07:09,395 --> 00:07:11,395
HERE IS OUR HOME BUSINESS.
154
00:07:11,397 --> 00:07:12,396
THANKS, DUBIE.
155
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:14,799
WHAT, WE'RE SELLING CHAIRS?
156
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,734
NO, HON.
IT'S A SALON CHAIR.
157
00:07:16,736 --> 00:07:19,737
WE PUT UP A SIGN,
TAKE A FEW PICTURES.
158
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:20,738
ANYBODY ASKS,
159
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,374
IT WAS A FAILED
HOME BUSINESS.
160
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:23,841
DEDUCTION CITY.
161
00:07:23,843 --> 00:07:26,445
YOU KNOW,
THERE'S A FUNNY STORY
ABOUT HOW I GOT THAT CHAIR.
162
00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:27,778
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
163
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,149
I GOT YOUR SIGN, SALLY.
164
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,385
GREAT! IT LOOKS LIKE
A REAL BUSINESS.
165
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,454
YOU PUT IT UP
OUTSIDE, OK?
166
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,089
OK, EVERYBODY,
I'VE GOT IT.
167
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:40,224
I PLAYED WITH
THE NUMBERS A BIT,
168
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:43,227
ENTERED A FEW HARMLESS
CLERICAL MISTAKES,
AND GUESS WHAT.
169
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:44,896
THE GOVERNMENT NOW OWES US
170
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,131
$375,000!
171
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,132
OH, YEAH!
172
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,001
TOMMY:
WHO NEEDS ED MCMAHON?
173
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,469
WE'VE GOT UNCLE SAM!
174
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,972
THIS IS REALLY
WORKING OUT GREAT FOR US.
175
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,074
IF WE KEEP DOING
OUR TAXES LIKE THIS,
176
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,309
IN A FEW YEARS,
WE'LL BE MILLIONAIRES.
177
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,645
YOU KNOW, I ONCE
HAD A MILLIONAIRE--
178
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,647
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
HEARD IT!
179
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,082
EXCUSE ME.
180
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:06,718
IS THIS SALLY'S
ACTUAL SALON?
181
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,489
UH, YEAH.
182
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:13,792
WELL, GOOD!
I COULD REALLY
USE A CUT.
183
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,698
OH, OK, I GUESS. SURE.
184
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,018
MARY: GO ON.
GIVE IT TO HIM.
185
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,086
WHY SHOULD I?
186
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,153
WELL, YOU'RE MY ASSISTANT.
187
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:43,722
NOW GIVE IT TO HIM.
188
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,456
YOU GIVE IT TO HIM.
YOU'RE SLEEPING
WITH HIM.
189
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,091
WELL, YOU CAN
SLEEP WITH HIM.
190
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:48,026
YOU'RE NUTS.
I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
191
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,227
NO, JUST GIVE IT!
JUST GIVE--
192
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,930
CAN I PLAY?
193
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:54,532
UNLESS THE RULES
ARE VERY COMPLICATED.
194
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,234
THEN I'LL JUST
SIT IT OUT.
195
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,236
YOU GOT A LETTER.
196
00:08:58,238 --> 00:08:59,237
REALLY?
197
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,238
FROM THE I.R.S.
198
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,806
OH, GREAT!
199
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,508
IT'S PROBABLY MY CHECK.
200
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:06,076
I TOOK A SECOND PASS
ON MY RETURN,
201
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:08,613
AND IT TURNS OUT
I DON'T OWE ANYTHING.
202
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:10,581
IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
A CHECK.
203
00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:11,949
IT CAN'T BE
A BIRTHDAY CARD.
204
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:14,519
MY BIRTHDAY
ISN'T FOR MONTHS, AND--
205
00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:16,421
"NOTICE OF AUDIT"?
206
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:17,822
WHAT'S AN AUDIT?
207
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:19,056
OH, BOY.
208
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,327
AN AUDIT.
209
00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,629
YOU ARE SO SCREWED.
210
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,767
MARY, SHE'S SCARING ME.
211
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,769
DICK, SIT DOWN.
WE HAVE TO TALK.
212
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,838
CAN'T IT WAIT
TILL AFTER MY AUDIT?
213
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,273
EVERYTHING
IS GONNA BE FINE.
214
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,807
YOU JUST HAVE TO
TELL THE TRUTH.
215
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,809
IT'S NOT AS IF
YOU HAVE SOMETHING
TO HIDE, RIGHT?
216
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,379
HIDE? NO.
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
WHY WOULD I HIDE?
217
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,413
THAT'S GOOD,
218
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,015
BECAUSE THEY'RE GONNA
BE ALL OVER YOU.
219
00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:48,686
THEY'RE GONNA DIG
INTO EVERY ASPECT
OF YOUR LIFE.
220
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,556
FIND OUT EVERYTHING
ABOUT YOU.
221
00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:52,924
EVERYTHING?
222
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,992
THEY CAN BE
PRETTY BRUTAL.
223
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:56,427
OH...THAT'S INTERESTING.
224
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,096
N-NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
225
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,932
I--I--I HAVE TO, UH,
NNNNNNNN...
226
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:03,601
YAAH!
227
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:08,073
OK, NELLIE,
228
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,908
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO
IS WE'RE JUST GONNA
229
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,277
GIVE YOU
A LITTLE BANGS
230
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,979
TO COVER UP
THESE TINY LITTLE
WORRY LINES.
231
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,914
THEN WE'RE GONNA
EVENTUALLY
232
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:19,316
GRADUATE THE SIDES IN
LIKE THAT.
233
00:10:19,318 --> 00:10:20,818
HOW'S THAT SOUND TO YA?
234
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:21,886
I DON'T KNOW.
235
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:23,454
OH, TRUST US, DARLING.
236
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,890
WE'RE JUST TRYING
TO GIVE YOU
A LITTLE SHAPE.
237
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:30,027
I MEAN, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY NECK HERE
AND NO ONE CAN SEE IT.
238
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,963
OK, LET'S GET YOU
WASHED.
239
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:32,897
MR. HARRY!
240
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,899
OK, HOLD ON, DOLL.
241
00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:37,468
I ONLY GOT 2 HANDS.
242
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,436
COME ON.
243
00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:41,306
THAT'S THE STUFF.
244
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,474
THERE YOU GO.
245
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:44,976
FAMILY MEETING!
246
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,677
FAMILY MEETING!
247
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:53,751
WHO IS THIS?
248
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:54,752
OH, THAT'S MY 4:00.
249
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:56,086
YOU CAN GO SIT IN
THE CHAIR, HON. TOMMY.
250
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,655
WOULD YOU LIKE
SOME MINERAL WATER
251
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,756
WHILE YOU'RE WAITING?
252
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,157
WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO RUN ALONG,
DEAR?
253
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,225
UM, WHERE SHOULD I GO--
254
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:02,693
GET OUT!
255
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:05,162
OK, LISTEN UP.
256
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:06,664
I'VE GOT
HORRIBLE NEWS.
257
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,800
WE'RE BEING AUDITED
BY THE I.R.S.
258
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,636
WHAT? DOES THAT MEAN
WE DON'T GET THE $375,000?
259
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,103
IT'S WORSE. AGENTS
OF THE GOVERNMENT
260
00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:16,374
ARE GONNA
GO THROUGH OUR LIVES
WITH A FINE-TOOTH COMB.
261
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,543
EVERY DETAIL OF OUR PAST
EXAMINED UNDER
A MICROSCOPE,
262
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:20,145
FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS!
263
00:11:20,147 --> 00:11:22,714
SO? WE'VE ONLY
BEEN ON THE PLANET
FOR 3.
264
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:23,981
THAT'S
THE WHOLE PROBLEM.
265
00:11:23,983 --> 00:11:26,317
THE MORE THEY PROBE
INTO OUR PAST,
266
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,252
THE MORE
THEY'LL FIND OUT
WE DON'T HAVE ONE!
267
00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:31,422
BECAUSE WE'RE ALIENS.
268
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:34,925
THAT IS THE CONCLUSION
THEY WILL DRAW.
269
00:11:34,927 --> 00:11:36,227
[EXASPERATED MUTTERING]
270
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,596
NOW, WE'VE ALL GOT TO HAVE
DETAILED EXPLANATIONS
271
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,798
FOR THE LAST 6 YEARS:
WHERE WE'VE BEEN,
WHAT WE'VE DONE,
272
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,599
AND THE DOCUMENTATION
TO PROVE IT.
273
00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:45,836
OH, I DID THAT,
LIKE 3 YEARS AGO.
274
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:47,005
YOU DID?
275
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,673
YEAH. COMPLETE
AND AIRTIGHT.
276
00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,207
I GAVE THEM TO YOU GUYS.
WHAT'D YOU DO WITH THEM?
277
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:56,881
[ALL MAKING EXCUSES AT ONCE]
278
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,449
I'M SORRY.
279
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,650
THAT'S JUST GREAT.
280
00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:00,718
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
281
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,986
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY
I BOTHER!
282
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,921
YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO GO AND DO IT AGAIN.
283
00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:07,224
WE NEED FOOLPROOF
BACKGROUNDS BY TOMORROW.
NOW GET CRACKING!
284
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,160
OH, AND, SALLY?
BUMP YOUR 4:00.
285
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:12,096
I'M NOT GONNA BATTLE
FACELESS AND HOSTILE
GOVERNMENT FORCES
286
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:18,936
WITH THIS UNSIGHTLY
FUZZ ON MY NECK.
287
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,440
OH, HELLO, MARY.
288
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:26,510
I WAS JUST THINKING
ABOUT HOW LONG
I'VE KNOWN YOU.
289
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:29,714
10 LONG YEARS.
290
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:31,716
IT'S MORE LIKE 3 YEARS.
291
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:34,151
WELL, THEN YOU'D BE
COMFORTABLE SAYING
292
00:12:34,153 --> 00:12:35,720
7 LONG YEARS.
293
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,822
NO, IT'S 3 YEARS, DICK.
294
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:39,424
SO I CAN SAFELY QUOTE YOU
295
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,192
AS SAYING
THAT YOU'VE KNOWN ME
296
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,826
FOR 6 GOOD,
VERIFIABLE YEARS, THEN?
297
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,194
3.
298
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:47,498
FAIR ENOUGH.
299
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,200
BUT YOU ARE QUITE FAMILIAR
WITH WHAT I WAS DOING
300
00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:51,835
IN THE 3 YEARS
PRIOR TO THAT?
301
00:12:51,837 --> 00:12:53,337
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
302
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:56,340
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE
303
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,841
BEFORE YOU STARTED
WORKING HERE.
304
00:12:57,843 --> 00:13:00,411
YOU HEM, YOU HAW,
YOU RUSH IN,
YOU RUSH OUT.
305
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,680
OH, LET'S NOT FORGET
THE SPONTANEOUS
LARYNGITIS.
306
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,249
THAT WAS GOING AROUND.
307
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,683
HOW ABOUT THE TRUTH, DICK?
308
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:07,952
TOMMY'S COMING UP WITH
THE TRUTH RIGHT NOW,
309
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,520
BUT IN THE MEANTIME...
310
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,056
I'M GOING TO NEED YOU
TO PLAY BALL.
311
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:14,491
OH, NO. YOU'RE NOT
GONNA DRAG ME INTO THIS.
312
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:17,061
DRAG YOU INTO THIS?
THIS WHOLE THING
IS YOUR FAULT!
313
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,997
IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE FILED
MY DAMN TAX RETURN
314
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:21,232
IN THE FIRST PLACE!
315
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,101
WELL, IF YOU HADN'T
FUDGED WITH MY NUMBERS,
316
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:24,601
YOU WOULDN'T BE IN
THIS SITUATION.
317
00:13:24,603 --> 00:13:27,905
JUST REMEMBER THIS.
IF I GO DOWN,
YOU'RE COMING DOWN WITH ME!
318
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:30,975
I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL,
MARY ALBRIGHT!
319
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:39,583
OK, THAT LAST BIT
WAS A LITTLE HARSH.
320
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:42,920
BUT IT'S BEEN BUILDING UP
FOR 8 LONG YEARS.
321
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,355
3.
322
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,456
DAMN!
323
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:48,959
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
324
00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,394
OH--OH, THAT'S HOT.
325
00:13:50,396 --> 00:13:51,729
GOOD. GOOD, GOOD.
326
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:52,797
NO!
327
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:55,366
IT IS THE TRUTH,
I AM TELLING YOU.
328
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:58,302
OH, I'VE GOT ANOTHER
CLIENT--TOP-SECRET--
329
00:13:58,304 --> 00:14:00,037
I CANNOT TELL YOU
WHO IT IS.
330
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:02,973
BUT SHE'S HAD
HER NOSE DONE 3 TIMES,
331
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,243
AND SHE'S STILL NOT HAPPY.
332
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,744
IS IT MAGGIE WRIGHT?
333
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:07,845
YEAH.
334
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,248
BUT I TOLD HER,
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
335
00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,918
I THINK SHE LOOKS LIKE
A WITCH.
336
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,753
OHH! YOU!
337
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,888
HARRY, SALLY,
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE?
338
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:19,924
OH, SORRY, HON,
WE'RE COMPLETELY BOOKED.
339
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,492
YEAH. MAYBE WE CAN
FIT YOU IN TOMORROW AROUND--
340
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:22,493
NOW!
341
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,727
NOW!
342
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,365
OK. I GOT YOUR NEW
BIOGRAPHIES DONE.
343
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,933
YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM
MEMORIZED BY TOMORROW.
344
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:31,469
ALL RIGHT, SALLY.
345
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:34,972
FROM 1992 TO 1994
YOU WERE AN UNPAID DOCENT
346
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:37,741
AT THE MUSEUM
OF CHIPPEWA HERITAGE.
347
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,245
NO, NO, NO, NO.
348
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:43,814
IN A COMA?
349
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,318
MM...
350
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,787
NO, NO, NO, NO, MISS THING.
I DON'T THINK SO.
351
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,591
OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I JUST SPENT 2 DAYS
352
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,593
DOCUMENTING AND FALSIFYING
THESE COVERS,
353
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:58,195
BUT YOU GO IN THERE TOMORROW
AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT!
354
00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,630
IT'S YOUR ALIEN AUTOPSY, OK?
355
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,538
ALL RIGHT, LET'S FOCUS
AND GO OVER IT ONCE AGAIN.
356
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:11,242
BEFORE WE MOVED HERE
ON JANUARY 9, 1996,
357
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,010
WHERE DID WE LIVE...SALLY?
358
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:16,680
2740 VERNON PLACE,
STEWART, FLORIDA, SIR!
359
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,718
AND FLORIDA WOULD BE
ON WHAT, NEPTUNE?
360
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,486
NO! EARTH, SIR!
361
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:23,921
THAT'S GOOD.
362
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,290
AND DURING OUR TIME
IN FLORIDA, WAS I EVER
GAINFULLY EMPLOYED?
363
00:15:26,292 --> 00:15:27,992
NO, YOU WERE NOT!
SO HOW DID WE LIVE?
364
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:29,327
BY OUR WITS, SIR!
365
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,428
GOOD.
366
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:35,333
OH, BY THE WAY, ARE WE
FROM A DISTANT GALAXY? YOU.
367
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,473
NO...
368
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:46,544
ARE YOU SURE?
369
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:50,014
[MOUTHING SILENTLY]
370
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:51,449
YES, SIR!
371
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,151
OK.
372
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:54,885
NOW LET'S GO OVER
OUR RETURN.
373
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:57,888
YOU, YOUNG MAN.
HOW COULD THIS FAMILY
HAVE LIVED FOR 3 YEARS
374
00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:59,290
WITH NO VISIBLE INCOME?
375
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,658
HOW MANY CANS?
WE COLLECTED CANS.
376
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,760
123,450 CANS.
377
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,095
AND YOU DIDN'T
REPORT THAT INCOME?
378
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,896
THE INCOME WAS $6,217,
379
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:08,399
WHICH FALLS WELL BELOW
FEDERAL LIMITS FOR FILING.
380
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,334
YOUR NUMBERS
DON'T ADD UP!
381
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:10,935
WE TURNED IN
30% OF THOSE CANS
382
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,071
IN MICHIGAN
WHERE IT'S 5 CENTS
A CAN, SIR!
383
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,177
OH, YEAH?
384
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:22,347
IN MICHIGAN, EH?
385
00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,882
WHERE I WAS IN A COMA!
386
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,123
SIR!
387
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,162
NOW, MR. SOLOMON,
388
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,632
THERE ARE SOME
IRREGULARITIES HERE
ON YOUR TAX RETURN.
389
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,567
I MUST SAY,
I WAS SURPRISED
390
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:45,169
BY SOME OF THESE NUMBERS--
391
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,672
WELL, THEN,
LET'S GO OVER THEM,
MR. GINDEK.
392
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,106
I'VE GOT NOTHING
TO HIDE.
393
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:50,141
ME NEITHER.
394
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:53,044
NOR I.
395
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,511
WE'RE READY TO TALK.
396
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,512
YEAH.
397
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:56,513
YES.
398
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,716
NOW, HERE ON SCHEDULE E--
399
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,117
SCHEDULE E.
400
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,119
YEAH, I REMEMBER
THE FIRST TIME
401
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:03,687
I SAW SCHEDULE E.
402
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,689
IT WAS AROUND 1992.
403
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,058
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?
404
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,560
OH, YEAH.
OH, INCREDIBLE.
WHAT A DAY.
405
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,996
I WAS, UH,
RIGHT HERE ON EARTH,
406
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,866
AS CARBON BASED
AS THE NEXT GUY.
407
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:19,269
YOU CLAIM A $16,000--
408
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:20,270
OH, GOSH!
409
00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:23,373
YOU GUYS REMEMBER
MARCH 20, 1994?
410
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:24,975
LIKE IT WAS
YESTERDAY.
411
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,077
REMEMBER
THAT STEAKHOUSE
WE WENT TO?
412
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:28,011
OHH, YES.
413
00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:30,714
I HAD THE PORTERHOUSE--
NO, NO, NO--
414
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,983
I HAD THE FLANK.
415
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:33,617
NO, DICK.
I HAD THE FLANK.
416
00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:35,052
ARE YOU SURE?
'CAUSE I'M ALMOST
POSITIVE I HAD THE FLANK.
417
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,988
NO, 'CAUSE I ALWAYS
GET THE FLANK.
418
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:37,989
[ARGUING]
419
00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:40,757
MAYBE YOU BOTH
HAD THE FLANK!
420
00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:43,894
YES.
421
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,996
THERE'S NO LAW
AGAINST...
422
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:49,166
2 PEOPLE HAVING
THE FLANK.
423
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,601
THERE'S CERTAINLY
NOTHING...
424
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,537
ALIEN ABOUT IT.
425
00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:54,071
HA HA HA HA!
426
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,072
THE--HE--
427
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,907
HA HA HA HA!
428
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:58,910
I'VE JUST...
GOT TO GRAB SOMETHING
OFF THE PRINTER.
429
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,219
OH, MY GOD!
DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS?
430
00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:09,220
HE DEFINITELY KNOWS!
431
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:11,522
IT WAS YOU
WITH THE FLANK STEAK!
432
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,391
THIS IS WHAT
WE'RE GONNA DO.
433
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,893
WHEN HE COMES BACK IN,
I BREAK HIS NECK.
434
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,327
THEN WE MAKE OUR ESCAPE,
435
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:19,997
AND I SNAP EVERYONE'S NECK
FROM HERE TILL WE GET HOME.
436
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:21,399
THERE'S NO WAY
THEY'LL CATCH US!
437
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,938
LET'S CALL THAT PLAN B.
438
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:30,074
QUICK, LET'S BUY SOME TIME
BY BARRICADING THE DOOR.
439
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:33,010
JUST PUSH THE DESK
OVER AGAINST THE DOOR.
440
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:34,479
THAT'S RIGHT. PUSH IT.
441
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,213
I CAN'T SEE HIM.
442
00:18:42,688 --> 00:18:44,421
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
443
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,626
UH...
444
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:51,562
IT...
445
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,498
IT JUST--
IT JUST SLID RIGHT OVER.
446
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:59,236
DO YOUR REALIZE
THIS WHOLE FLOOR
IS SLANTED?
447
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:02,673
LOOK, I THINK I SEE
WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO,
448
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,841
AND...FRANKLY,
IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.
449
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:06,443
ALL RIGHT!
450
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,646
IT'S TIME TO COME CLEAN.
451
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,082
THE REASON WHY WE HAVEN'T
BEEN FILING RETURNS IS...
452
00:19:12,084 --> 00:19:13,617
WE WERE KIDNAPPED.
453
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,052
THAT'S RIGHT!
454
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,053
YEAH! YEAH!
455
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,655
AND THEY SAID
IF WE FILED OUR TAXES...
456
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:22,226
THEY'D KILL US!
457
00:19:22,228 --> 00:19:23,894
OH, REALLY?
458
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:25,095
NO!
459
00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,430
UH, NO.
460
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,966
TO BE HONEST,
WE WERE IN THE WITNESS
PROTECTION PROGRAM,
461
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,901
AND THEY WERE VERY BAD
ABOUT FORWARDING OUR MAIL.
462
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:33,637
I DON'T THINK SO.
463
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:36,106
OK. HOW ABOUT THIS?
464
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:39,276
WE'VE SPEND THE LAST 4 YEARS
465
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,612
LIVING IN
THE CANADIAN ROCKIES
WITH A PACK OF WOLVES!
466
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:42,846
A PACK OF WOLVES.
467
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:45,582
YES. I WAS THE ALPHA DOG.
468
00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:48,986
MR. SOLOMON,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST COOPERATE?
469
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,921
YOU'RE ONLY MAKING THINGS
HARDER.
470
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,957
ALL RIGHT.
471
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,361
ALL RIGHT, YOU'VE CAUGHT US.
472
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,430
WE ARE ALIENS.
473
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:06,871
WE CAME HERE FROM
A BARRED SPIRAL GALAXY...
474
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:10,140
IN THE CEPHEUS DRACO
BORDER TERRITORY...
475
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:13,443
IN ORDER TO STUDY
YOUR SPECIES.
476
00:20:13,445 --> 00:20:16,847
I ONLY ASK THAT YOU
TAKE INTO ACCOUNT
OUR GOOD INTENTIONS
477
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:21,218
BEFORE YOU CALL IN
YOUR SCIENTISTS...
478
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,055
TO DISSECT US.
479
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:31,428
SORRY, FOLKS.
I'VE HEARD THAT ONE
BEFORE, TOO.
480
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:40,404
MR. SOLOMON,
YOU OWE $16,143
IN BACK TAXES.
481
00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:43,707
YAY!
YES!
YES!
482
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,344
MR. GINDEK!
AAH!
MR. GINDEK!
483
00:20:47,346 --> 00:20:49,046
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
484
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,017
WELL, WE STILL HAVE
A LOT TO LEARN.
485
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,086
COULD YOU IMAGINE
A REAL HUMAN BEING
486
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,088
AFRAID OF
A TAX AUDIT?
487
00:20:58,090 --> 00:20:59,089
HA HA! I KNOW.
488
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:01,091
ALTHOUGH I DO FEEL
A LITTLE MORE HUMAN
489
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,894
NOW THAT WE'VE BEEN
REAMED BY THE I.R.S.
490
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:06,263
I THINK "REAMED"
IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
491
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,766
YEAH. WE'RE PAYING TAXES
FOR YEARS WE WEREN'T EVEN
ON THE PLANET.
492
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,403
YEAH, WELL, LUCKILY,
MY BUSINESS IS BOOMING.
493
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,972
HEY, MR. HARRY,
HOW MANY APPOINTMENTS
FOR TOMORROW?
494
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,207
LET'S SEE. UH...
495
00:21:17,209 --> 00:21:18,441
NONE.
496
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:19,676
WHAT?!
497
00:21:19,678 --> 00:21:21,845
IN ALL FAIRNESS, SALLY,
YOU HAVE TERRIBLE HAIRCUTS.
498
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,347
OH, RIGHT. I FORGOT.
499
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:24,915
HEY, BY THE WAY,
500
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,850
DID YOU GUYS SEE
DUBCEK'S FACE
501
00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:28,952
WHEN SHE CAME OUT
OF THE DRYER?
502
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,921
ERRR!
IS THIS
WHAT I PAID FOR?
503
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:33,757
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
CARSEY-WERNER PRODUCTIONS
AND THE NATIONAL
BROADCASTING COMPANY
504
00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:36,026
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
505
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:41,232
SALLY, I HAD NO IDEA
YOU'D GONE
TO BEAUTY SCHOOL.
506
00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:42,933
OH, SURE.
507
00:21:42,935 --> 00:21:46,336
BACK IN '92--
REMEMBER '92, TOMMY?
508
00:21:46,338 --> 00:21:48,839
SURE. 1992.
THE YEAR WE DANCED
509
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:50,974
TO THE MUSIC
OF VANILLA ICE,
510
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:53,477
AND SCENT OF A WOMAN INTRODUCED AMERICA
511
00:21:53,479 --> 00:21:55,479
TO A YOUNG HEARTTHROB
NAMED CHRIS O'DONNELL.
512
00:21:55,481 --> 00:21:57,714
OH, HOW'S THAT FEEL?
OW!
513
00:21:57,716 --> 00:21:58,982
IT HURT.
514
00:21:58,984 --> 00:21:59,917
OH, GOOD. GOOD.
515
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:01,985
OW! OW! OW!
516
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:04,755
PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
517
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,023
OW! OW! OW!
37416
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