All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun - S02E18 - I Brake for Dick (1080p x265 EDGE2020)_Subtítulos01.ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:09,708 SO... YOU KNOW ABOUT THE SPRING DANCE NEXT WEEK, RIGHT? 2 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:13,212 UH, YEAH, YEAH. WHY, YOU WANNA GO? 3 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,381 - I DON'T CARE. - ARGH, GOOD, PHEW! 4 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,352 WAIT, SO-- SO YOU'RE NOT ASKING ME TO THE DANCE? 5 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,255 NO. 6 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,723 AS USUAL, YOU HAVE NO CLUE. 7 00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:28,594 - WHAT?! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, YOU JUST SAID-- - NEVER MIND WHAT I SAID. 8 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,829 BUT I DISTINCTLY HEARD YOU SAY THAT YOU DID NOT CARE-- 9 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:34,632 YOU S-- SHE-- 10 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:38,503 DOESN'T SHE EVER JUST LEAVE QUIETLY? 11 00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,005 ( sighs ) I DON'T UNDERSTAND HER. 12 00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:43,976 WHAT'S TO UNDERSTAND? KILL HER AND GET A NEW ONE. 13 00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:46,711 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT, SEE? 14 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:49,881 YOU GOTTA GET A NEW ONE AND THEN YOU KILL HER. 15 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:55,587 IT'S LIKE THE BOOK SAYS, "BE PREPARED." 16 00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:59,458 "THE OFFICIAL BOY SCOUT GUIDE BOOK." WHO ARE THE BOY SCOUTS? 17 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,995 THEY'RE AN ELITE PRE-PUBESCENT, PARAMILITARY SOCIETY. 18 00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:05,697 AND I'M GONNA FOLLOW THEIR WAYS. 19 00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,667 BUT, HARRY, YOU'RE NEITHER ELITE, NOR PRE-PUBESCENT. 20 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,702 ALL IN GOOD TIME, SALLY... 21 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,704 ALL IN GOOD TIME. 22 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:16,141 - WHOA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - IT'S THESE ANTS, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. 23 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:20,245 WELL, YOU CAN'T KILL 'EM, I'M BREEDING 'EM. 24 00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:21,647 OH, THAT MAKES SENSE. 25 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:24,716 I'M GOING FOR MY MERIT BADGE IN INSECT HUSBANDRY. 26 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,852 SO YOU'VE TURNED MY KITCHEN INTO AN ANT FARM? 27 00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:30,021 NO, THE ANT FARM IS UNDER YOUR BED. 28 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,858 THE KITCHEN IS MORE OF A LOUNGE AREA. 29 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:35,527 - OKAY, IT'S OKAY. - ( Dick puffing ) 30 00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:39,163 - HERE WE ARE, NICE AND SAFE. - OH, OH, NO, NO... 31 00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,767 - OH GOD. - ( calling ) HELLO? 32 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,735 DICK'S A LITTLE SHAKEN UP. 33 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,471 - WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED NOW? - YEAH, SO? 34 00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:49,808 OH, I WAS DRIVING ALONG, RADIO BLASTING, 35 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:53,345 WIND RUSHING THROUGH MY GORGEOUS HAIR, 36 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,814 WHEN SUDDENLY, OUT OF NOWHERE, 37 00:01:55,816 --> 00:02:00,485 WAH! BOOM-- OH! ( sobbing ) 38 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:03,221 - WHAT? - HE HIT A CHIPMUNK. 39 00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:05,223 ( sobbing continues ) 40 00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:08,793 A CHIPMUNK? WHAT-- LIKE ONE OF THOSE LITTLE DISNEY RATS? 41 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:14,098 OH, AND WE RUSHED HIM TO THE FINEST VETERINARIAN IN ALL OF RUTHERFORD, 42 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,834 BUT IT'S TOUCH AND GO 43 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:19,471 AND THESE DAMN DOCTORS WON'T TELL ME WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON. 44 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,172 OH, POOR CHIPPY... 45 00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,841 - YOU NAMED IT "CHIPPY"? - YEAH. 46 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,109 HMM, WELL, I THINK IT'S KIND OF CATCHY-- 47 00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,878 CHIPPY THE CHIPMUNK... 48 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,681 CHIPPY, THE CHEERFUL CHIPMUNK... 49 00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:32,617 THE TRAGEDY OF CHIPPY, THE CHEERFUL CHIPMUNK. 50 00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:35,954 - ( sobbing ) OH, NO! - HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 51 00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,890 ( theme music playing ) 52 00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,288 OBJECT "A," 53 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:13,325 A 2,358-POUND 54 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:17,129 RAMBLER AMERICAN FROM 1964, 55 00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:20,132 TRAVELING AT 45 MILES PER HOUR 56 00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:23,868 COLLIDES WITH OBJECT "B," 57 00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,304 A TINY CHIPMUNK... 58 00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:32,277 WEIGHING A MERE EIGHT OUNCES. 59 00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,415 NOW, WHO CAN CALCULATE THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TOLL 60 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,417 THIS BLOODY COLLISION 61 00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:43,020 WILL TAKE ON THE DRIVER? 62 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,025 DR. SOLOMON, YOU HIT A CHIPMUNK? 63 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,995 ( sobbing ) YES. 64 00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:54,566 PLEASE, JUST TELL ME, 65 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,669 WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO ASK YOU TO THE DANCE? 66 00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:01,073 ARE YOU ASKING ME TO THE DANCE? 67 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:05,577 NO, I'M ASKING YOU IF YOU WANT ME TO ASK YOU TO THE DANCE? 68 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,646 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 69 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:10,515 AUGUST, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO THE DANCE WITH ME? 70 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:13,819 THAT DEPENDS. ARE YOU JUST ASKING ME 'CAUSE I'M MAD AT YOU? 71 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:16,355 - YES. - DON'T BOTHER. 72 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:22,293 SO, TOMMY, DON'T HAVE A DATE FOR THE DANCE? 73 00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:25,096 WELL, I-- I'M NOT SURE. 74 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,000 WELL, IF YOU DON'T... 75 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,969 - I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO FORWARD IF I ASK. - NO. 76 00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:35,340 - COULD YOU GO WITH MY FRIEND, BETH? - DOH! 77 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,049 A PROPER TOURNIQUET SHOULD MINIMIZE THE BLOOD FLOW 78 00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,384 TO THE AFFECTED EXTREMITY. 79 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,024 THIS DANCE THING IS NUTS. IT'S LIKE THE NFL DRAFT. 80 00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,961 AUGUST TOOK HER OFFER OFF THE TABLE, SO NOW I'M A FREE AGENT. 81 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,596 IF I CAN'T CONVINCE HER TO SIGN ME BACK, 82 00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:00,832 I'M GONNA GET DRAFTED BY THE RUTHERFORD UGLIES. 83 00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:05,102 I CAN'T BELIEVE THE ARBITRARY WAY 84 00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:09,273 THAT HUMANS DECIDE WHICH ANIMALS TO REVERE AND WHICH TO EAT. 85 00:05:09,275 --> 00:05:13,478 IT'S NOTHING MORE THAN A BARBARIC POPULARITY CONTEST. 86 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,348 TAKE THE KOALA BEAR: CUTE AND CUDDLY. 87 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,184 HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A KOALA BURGER? A KOALA DOG? 88 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,786 KOALA FALAFEL? NO! 89 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,290 THE NOBLE COW, 90 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:29,560 WHOSE ONLY SINS ARE HER PENDULOUS TITS AND REDUNDANT STOMACHS, 91 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:34,099 IS DOOMED TO BE SAWED INTO FREEZER-FRIENDLY CHUNKS 92 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:37,302 AND SOLD BY THE POUND TO THE BLOODTHIRSTY MASSES. 93 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:40,004 ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY OUT, I'VE GOT SOME KILLING TO DO. 94 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,606 WHAT'S GOING ON? 95 00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,141 WE GOT ANTS, SOLDIERS. 96 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:44,943 - Dick: ANTS, WE HAVE ANTS? - YEAH, NOT FOR LONG. 97 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,344 YOU'RE NOT KILLING ANYTHING! 98 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,313 DICK, THEY ARE DISEASE-RIDDEN VERMINES, THEY MUST BE EX-- 99 00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:52,216 LIEUTENANT! LIEUTENANT! 100 00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:55,486 YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO HARM ONE SINGLE ANT. NOW, THAT'S A DIRECT ORDER. 101 00:05:55,488 --> 00:05:59,323 I'M SORRY, WAS I ASLEEP WHEN YOU TURNED INTO A BIG WUSSIE? 102 00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:04,396 NO, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME BEING A WUSSIE. 103 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,300 CHIPPY HAS OPENED MY EYES. 104 00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:11,669 AS OF TODAY, THIS APARTMENT IS A CRUELTY-FREE ZONE. 105 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,705 LIEUTENANT, I ORDER YOU TO RID THIS HOUSE 106 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,674 OF ANY ITEMS MADE AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR FOUR-LEGGED BRETHREN. 107 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:20,278 AND WE SHALL HAVE NO ANIMAL PRODUCTS, NO ANIMAL BY-PRODUCTS 108 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:25,083 AND YOU SHALL NOT BUY ANY ANIMAL BY-PRODUCT, OR PRODUCTS. 109 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,686 - HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR? - UH-HUH. 110 00:06:28,688 --> 00:06:31,789 COME ON, MEN, THERE'S WORK TO BE DONE. 111 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,937 HELLO, RUTHERFORD ANIMAL CLINIC? 112 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,839 YES, THIS IS CHIPPY'S DADDY. 113 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:51,076 ARE THERE-- ARE THERE ANY SIGNS OF IMPROVEMENT? 114 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,276 OH, I SEE... 115 00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,446 WELL, DID HE GET THE BASKET OF ACORNS I SENT OVER? 116 00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:59,517 OKAY, WELL, I'LL CHECK BACK IN AN HOUR. 117 00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:03,754 - OH, MARY, I THINK YOU'D BETTER SIT DOWN. - WHAT IS IT? 118 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,157 CHIPPY MADE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT, 119 00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,192 BUT THE DOCTORS SAY WHEN HE COMES OUT OF THE COMA, 120 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:11,129 HE MAY ONLY HAVE 20 TO 30% OF HIS TREE-CLIMBING ABILITY. 121 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:16,201 YOU KNOW, IT WOULD HELP IF YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. 122 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:19,604 - AND STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. - BUT IT'S MY FAULT. 123 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:23,975 WHAT-- COME ON, DICK, THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOREVER. 124 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:28,546 FIRST, MAN INVENTED THE WHEEL AND THEN HE INVENTED ROAD KILL. 125 00:07:29,749 --> 00:07:31,849 YOU DID ALL YOU COULD. 126 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,519 I MEAN, MOST PEOPLE WOULDN'T HAVE EVEN SLOWED DOWN, 127 00:07:34,521 --> 00:07:37,388 MUCH LESS STOP TO PERFORM MOUTH TO MOUTH. 128 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:40,592 DICK, THERE'S SOME FRAT GUYS OUT IN THE QUAD HARASSING A BISON. 129 00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,426 OH, MY GOD, A BISON! 130 00:07:42,428 --> 00:07:44,228 - THOSE SAVAGES! - DICK! 131 00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,197 WHY'D YOU DO THAT? 132 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:49,901 BECAUSE IT'S JUST SO EASY. 133 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:53,604 NINA, I NEED A WOMAN'S POINT OF VIEW FOR SOMETHING. 134 00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,307 UM, MY GIRLFRIEND'S NOT SPEAKING TO ME 135 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,709 BECAUSE I DIDN'T ASK HER TO A DANCE. 136 00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,678 MMM, SEND HER FLOWERS. 137 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:04,382 SHE ONCE TOLD ME THAT FLOWERS REMINDED HER OF THE MORBID STENCH OF DEATH. 138 00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:05,984 OKAY... 139 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,852 WELL, HOW ABOUT A GIFT? MAYBE A NICE MAKEUP KIT. 140 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:11,289 UH, SHE SEES MAKEUP AS A WAY FOR THE ARROGANT MISOGYNISTS 141 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,858 TO DECORATE THE WOMEN THEY OWN AND TURN THEM INTO... 142 00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,594 YOU KNOW, LIKE VACUOUS PLAYTHINGS. 143 00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,865 OH, I BET YOU TWO HAVE A LOT OF FUN. 144 00:08:20,867 --> 00:08:22,600 WAIT, THAT'S ALL YOU'VE GOT? 145 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,535 WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, "DEAR SANDY"? 146 00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:27,272 - WHO'S "DEAR SANDY"? - THE ADVICE LADY FROM THE PAPER. 147 00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,740 YOU KNOW, LIKE, "DEAR SANDY, 148 00:08:29,742 --> 00:08:32,410 I'M A WHINY LITTLE TEENAGER WITH GIRLFRIEND PROBLEMS 149 00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,078 AND THE ONLY PERSON I CAN BUG ABOUT IT 150 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,448 IS MY DAD'S STUNNING NUBIAN SECRETARY. 151 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:39,350 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, COULD YOU WRITE THAT DOWN FOR ME? 152 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,285 SURE, YOU MEAN THE STUNNING NUBIAN PART? 153 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,964 HEY, WHAT YOU DOING? 154 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:56,067 JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS, GETTING RID OF ALL THE MEAT PRODUCTS. 155 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:57,969 OH, I CAN'T WATCH. 156 00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,904 WAIT, JUST A SECOND. WHAT'RE YOU WEARING? 157 00:08:59,906 --> 00:09:02,340 - MMM, BINOCULARS. - NO, THE COAT. 158 00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:06,311 - MY COAT? - YEAH, IT'S FUR, ANIMAL FUR. GIVE ME THE COAT. 159 00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:11,149 ( crying ) NO, NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS COAT. 160 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,718 OH YEAH, I'M SURE SOME LLAMA JUST UNZIPPED HIS FUR AND SAID, 161 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,254 "THANK, GOD, HARRY SOLOMON WON'T BE COLD THIS WINTER." 162 00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:18,589 THAT'S PLAUSIBLE. 163 00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:20,792 WHOA! 164 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:24,996 - AN ORDER'S AN ORDER. - ( loud crying ) 165 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,298 - SHUT UP. - OKAY. 166 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:37,242 EXCUSE ME, IT'S AFTER 6:00, YOU CAN GIVE MY CHIPMUNK THE PAIN SHOT NOW. 167 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,310 DR. SOLOMON, I WAS GOING TO. 168 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,946 - OH, GOOD, GO AHEAD. - JUST A FEW MINUTES. 169 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:44,149 WELL, PLEASE, IT'S AFTER 6:00. IT'S AFTER 6:00. 170 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:46,217 I DON'T SEE WHY HE SHOULD HAVE THIS PAIN. 171 00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,486 SIR, I WILL GET TO IT IN A MINUTE. 172 00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:52,657 IT'S TIME FOR HIS SHOT, YOU UNDERSTAND? DO SOMETHING! 173 00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:55,260 HE ONLY HAD TO HOLD OUT UNTIL 6:00, AND IT'S PAST 6:00. 174 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:58,162 HE'S IN PAIN. MY CHIPMUNK IS IN PAIN. 175 00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:01,665 - GIVE HIM THE SHOT, YOU UNDERSTAND ME? - YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO BEHAVE. 176 00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:05,569 GIVE MY CHIPMUNK THE SHOT! 177 00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:09,407 - ALL RIGHT, I'LL GET IT. - OKAY. 178 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:12,544 THE RABBIT COMES OUT OF THE HOLE... 179 00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:16,314 RUNS AROUND THE TREE, 180 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,216 WINKS AT THE SAILOR... 181 00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:21,619 FINDS GOD 182 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:24,656 AND VOILÀ! 183 00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,657 A PERFECT STRAIGHT KNOT. 184 00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:29,960 HARRY, I NEED YOUR OPINION. READ MY "DEAR SANDY" LETTER. 185 00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,830 I CHANGED SOME OF THE SPECIFICS SO NOBODY KNOWS IT'S ME. 186 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:36,368 "I HAVE A PROBLEM, MY GIRLFRIEND, I'LL CALL HER BETTY, 187 00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,570 WANTS ME TO ASK HER TO THE DANCE, 188 00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:42,206 I, BEING A WEALTHY, KOREAN BUSINESSMAN..." 189 00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,878 THIS IS CRAP! 190 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,846 PARDON MY KOREAN. 191 00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,919 - WHAT'S THAT? - SANDWICH. 192 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:57,254 - WHAT'S IN IT? - LETTUCE. 193 00:10:57,256 --> 00:11:00,458 I'M GONNA HAVE TO SEARCH THAT SANDWICH. 194 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:03,161 LETTUCE, BREAD, WHAT'S THIS? 195 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,269 - MAYONNAISE? - SO? 196 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:13,370 - MAYONNAISE HAS EGGS IN IT. - EGGS ARE NOT MEAT. 197 00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:16,674 WELL, THEY WOULD BE IF YOU DIDN'T KILL THEM FOR MAYONNAISE. 198 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:20,878 - I'M GONNA HAVE TO DESTROY THIS CONTRABAND. - WHOA-- 199 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:24,381 AHH, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOE? 200 00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:28,586 - MAYONNAISE. - NO... NO, NO, IT'S LEATHER. 201 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:31,189 YOUR SHOES ARE MADE OF LEATHER 202 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,992 AND LEATHER SHOES COME FROM LEATHER COWS. 203 00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,929 OKAY, LISTEN, EASY THERE, HOT ROD. 204 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,564 LET'S NOT GET CRAZY ABOUT THIS. MAYBE I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. 205 00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:43,434 HERE, HARRY, HAVE YOUR SANDWICH BACK. 206 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:48,339 I THINK DICK MIGHT LIKE TO HAVE A LITTLE LOOK IN YOUR CLOSET. 207 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,408 ( screaming ) NO-OO! 208 00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:53,377 ( cow moos ) 209 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:57,649 OH, THE SALAD BAR IS FANTASTIC, MARY. 210 00:11:57,651 --> 00:12:00,651 YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK WE'LL EVER GET TIRED OF EATING THIS WAY. 211 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:04,089 BEETS, CAULIFLOWER, SEASONED CROUTONS, 212 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,956 PLAIN CROUTONS-- DID I MENTION BEETS? 213 00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:09,660 - YEAH. - YEAH, AND THE BEETS, THEY ARE SO NICE. 214 00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:10,995 - OH, NO! - WHAT? 215 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,997 YOU ORDERED SURF AND TURF 216 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,099 AND THEY BROUGHT YOU STEAK AND LOBSTER. EH, WAITER! 217 00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,469 DICK, THAT'S WHAT SURF AND TURF IS. 218 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,605 I THOUGHT IT WAS WATER AND GRASS. 219 00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,178 MARY, HOW COULD YOU? 220 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,647 HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO CHIPPY? 221 00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,482 I'M NOT EATING CHIPPY. 222 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:34,919 OH, NOT NOW, BUT WHERE WILL THIS CARNAGE END? 223 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:38,323 DICK, SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR BEETS. 224 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,458 ALL RIGHT. 225 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,860 LOOK, I THINK IT'S GREAT 226 00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:46,397 THAT YOU HAVE MADE THIS WONDERFUL LIFE-CHANGING DECISION... 227 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:50,101 - ( shell cracks ) - BUT I WILL NOT SIT HERE 228 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,737 AND LET YOU BERATE ME FOR LIVING MY LIFE MY WAY. 229 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,672 ( cracking continues ) 230 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,675 OKAY? 231 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:01,112 OKAY. 232 00:13:02,815 --> 00:13:05,817 NO, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! 233 00:13:05,819 --> 00:13:09,820 I'M HEREBY LIBERATING THESE LOBSTERS. 234 00:13:09,822 --> 00:13:13,157 RUN! PLEASE, RUN FOR THE RIVER! 235 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,026 THEY CAN TAKE YOUR LEGS, 236 00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,129 BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE YOUR FREEDOM! 237 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,733 COME ON! COME ON, RUN! 238 00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:27,305 WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO RUN FASTER THAN THAT. 239 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,940 ( grunting ) HERE, I'LL HELP YOU. 240 00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,643 HERE-- OH, OH, OW! 241 00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:38,716 GOODBYE, OLD FRIENDS. 242 00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,552 WE'VE HAD SOME GREAT TIMES TOGETHER, HUH? 243 00:13:44,924 --> 00:13:48,092 I NEVER THOUGHT I'D WEAR YOU, BUT YOU WENT WITH EVERYTHING. 244 00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:54,199 AND YOU, YOU WERE 50% OFF WHEN WE MET, REMEMBER THAT? 245 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,968 I DO. 246 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,270 OH! AND YOU... 247 00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,740 YOU SILLY, FUN, OPEN-TOED THINGS. 248 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:06,477 YOU GAVE ME BUNIONS, BUT DAMN, YOU MADE MY GAMS LOOK GREAT. 249 00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,714 I THINK I'LL MISS YOU MOST OF ALL. 250 00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:13,451 "DEAR SANDY" IS IGNORING ME, HARRY. LISTEN TO THIS. 251 00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,419 "ANGRY IN AKRON," RESPONSE, 252 00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,788 "CONFLICTED IN CLEVELAND," RESPONSE. 253 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:20,825 SHE EVEN RESPONDS TO "YEAST INFECTION IN YOUNGSTOWN." 254 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:27,031 OH, WHAT KIND OF PARENT NAMES THEIR KID "YEAST INFECTION"? 255 00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,035 LOOK AT ME. 256 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:35,406 I AM 100% ANIMAL-FREE. 257 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,742 NOTHING WAS KILLED IN THE MAKING OF THESE GARMENTS. 258 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,711 SIR, FOLLOWING YOUR POINTLESS AND STUPID ORDERS, 259 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:43,647 I HAVE RID THIS HOUSE OF EVERY ANIMAL PRODUCT. 260 00:14:43,649 --> 00:14:47,518 - ( sniffles ) MY SHOES. - GOOD WORK, LIEUTENANT. 261 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,522 SALLY, ARE THOSE... ALL YOUR SHOES? 262 00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,057 - YEAH. - UH-HUH... 263 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,825 - AND YOU'RE QUITE SURE OF THAT? - YES. 264 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:58,362 - EVERY SHOE YOU OWN. - YES, YES, YES! 265 00:14:58,364 --> 00:15:00,999 OH, REALLY? 266 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,935 - THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THESE? - ( Sally gasps ) 267 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,638 WHILE COMPLETING MY MERIT BADGE IN WATER CONSERVATION, 268 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,908 I FOUND THESE TAPED 269 00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,376 TO THE INSIDE OF THE TOILET TANK?! 270 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,913 I'VE NEVER SEEN THOSE BEFORE IN MY LIFE. 271 00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,150 - GIVE 'EM BACK TO ME! - LIEUTENANT! 272 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,952 - YOU WON'T BE NEEDING THOSE ANYMORE. - ( yelps ) 273 00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:25,856 AS OF TODAY, I AM ISSUING ANIMAL-FRIENDLY FOOT GEAR. 274 00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:29,059 - FLIP-FLOPS? - MM-HMM, THEY ARE VERY STYLISH 275 00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:31,729 AND THEY MAKE THE MOST DELIGHTFUL SLAPPING SOUNDS. 276 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,801 YOU LIKE SLAPPING SOUNDS? I'LL SHOW YOU SLAPPING SOUNDS. 277 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,369 PUT THEM ON, LIEUTENANT. 278 00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,071 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME. 279 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:44,275 I'M TAKING THESE SHOES TO A COW PASTURE TO GIVE THEM A PROPER BURIAL. 280 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:58,556 I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING GRACIOUS ENOUGH 281 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,558 TO COME WITNESS THIS MAGICAL MOMENT. 282 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,793 ( sobs ) THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL, IT'S-- 283 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:05,496 JUST LET THE RAT GO, IT'S COLD OUT HERE. 284 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,767 IT'S A CHIPMUNK. CALL IT WHAT IT IS, DAMN IT. 285 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:15,205 THREE DAYS AGO, AT EXACTLY 6:38 P.M., 286 00:16:15,207 --> 00:16:17,708 TWO LIVES WERE FOREVER CHANGED. 287 00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:23,314 BUT IN THE AFTERMATH OF THAT VIOLENT COLLISION, 288 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,749 A FLOWER OF HOPE BLOSSOMED 289 00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:29,420 AND THAT HOPE IGNITED A FLAME OF INSPIRATION 290 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,189 WHICH FUELED A DESIRE THAT INSPIRED A DREAM-- 291 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,158 - Tommy: OKAY, WE GET IT. - Mary: OH, FOR GOD'S SAKES! 292 00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:39,429 CHIPPY, YOUR SACRIFICE WAS TRULY A GIFT. 293 00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:42,133 YOU OPENED MY EYES TO A WHOLE NEW WAY OF LIFE. 294 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:46,737 AND NOW I GIVE THE GIFT OF LIFE BACK TO YOU. 295 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,275 - GOOD BYE, MY FRIEND. - ( Chippy squeals ) 296 00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:55,279 SUDDENLY THIS PLANET DOESN'T SEEM QUITE SO CRUEL, AFTER ALL. 297 00:16:55,281 --> 00:16:58,015 - ( bird squawking ) - OH, LOOK! 298 00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:01,252 LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL MAJESTIC BIRD-- 299 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,187 - ( wings flapping ) - HEY! HEY! 300 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,055 YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE-- HEY, RUN! 301 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:08,525 CHIPPY, RUN! YOU-- GET AWAY FROM HIM, YOU WINGED BEAST! 302 00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:10,427 - ( rock thumps ) - ( bird squawks ) 303 00:17:10,429 --> 00:17:12,430 OH, NICE ARM, DICK. 304 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,097 OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE? 305 00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,300 I THINK YOU JUST KILLED THAT... 306 00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:20,705 - "ENDANGERED PEREGRINE FALCON." - OH! 307 00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,544 I'M A MENACE TO MY FELLOW CREATURES. 308 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,546 WELL, YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERY LIVING CREATURE. 309 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,517 SOME LIVE, SOME DIE, THAT'S JUST LIFE HAPPENING. 310 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,485 THAT'S JUST ANIMALS. WHAT ABOUT US? 311 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,120 WE ARE ANIMALS. 312 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:39,490 WE EAT LIKE ANIMALS, SLEEP LIKE ANIMALS, HAVE SEX LIKE ANIMALS. 313 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:43,960 - OH YEAH, ESPECIALLY AFTER A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA. - OH, YEAH. 314 00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:47,398 JUST BE GRATEFUL YOU'RE AT THE TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN AND NOTHING EATS YOU. 315 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:52,102 OH, YEAH? WHAT ABOUT THAT SHARK IN "JAWS"? HE'S SO SCARY. 316 00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:53,738 FINE, HAVE IT YOUR WAY. 317 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:58,009 THE WHOLE WORLD IS JUST ONE GIANT SAVAGE SMORGASBORD. 318 00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:01,212 AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO BUILD A ROCKET 319 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,514 AND JET OFF TO SOME KINDER, GENTLER PLANET. 320 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,882 OH, YEAH, NO, THAT WOULD BE THE EASY WAY OUT. 321 00:18:05,884 --> 00:18:08,119 NO, I HAVE TO FACE IT. 322 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:10,754 I'M NOTHING MORE THAN A DEATH MACHINE. 323 00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:13,324 WELL, YOU'RE ALSO A LIFE MACHINE. 324 00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,826 YOU CREATED A LIFE... TOMMY. 325 00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:17,495 OH, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. 326 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:21,665 COME ON, YOU HAD A LITTLE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT. 327 00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:24,335 IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU, HE WOULDN'T BE HERE. 328 00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,870 WELL, THAT'S TRUE, I DID BRING HIM. 329 00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,473 UH-- INTO THIS WORLD, I MEAN. 330 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:32,176 SEE, LIFE HAS A WAY OF BALANCING THINGS OUT. 331 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:35,812 YOU'RE RIGHT, MARY. 332 00:18:35,814 --> 00:18:38,382 WE'RE PART OF A GREAT CYCLE. 333 00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,016 ( sighs ) 334 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,386 "THERE'S A TIME TO LIVE, A TIME TO DIE, 335 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:45,256 A TIME TO SOW, A TIME TO REAP..." 336 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,491 A TIME TO REUPHOLSTER 337 00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:49,660 AND A TIME TO KEEP THE FURNISHINGS YOU HAVE 338 00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,429 AND JUST BRIGHTEN THEM UP WITH A FEW THROW PILLOWS. 339 00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:55,866 SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 340 00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,335 YOU KNOW, I'M SUDDENLY FEELING VERY CREATIVE. 341 00:18:58,337 --> 00:18:59,803 - REALLY? - MM-HMM. 342 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:09,313 DID YOU KISS THAT DEAD CHIPMUNK? 343 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:13,217 - NOT ON THE LIPS. - ( groans ) 344 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:21,925 WHAT YOU MAKING? 345 00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:24,862 - A SPEAR. - OH. 346 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,198 I'M MAKING A SHARPENED STICK. 347 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,967 OH, MAN! 348 00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,870 I MUST HAVE THREE COWS WORTH OF SHOES IN HERE. 349 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:37,374 DICK, I CANNOT WAIT FOR YOU TO GO ON YOUR NEXT INSANE KICK, SO I CAN GET ALL NEW PANTS. 350 00:19:37,376 --> 00:19:39,944 ( grunts ) OY! DID YOU GET ME A NEW COAT? 351 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,446 NO, WE JUST DUG YOUR OLD ONE OUT OF THE TRASH. 352 00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:45,483 OH... PASTA! 353 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,820 AUGUST, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 354 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,090 "DEAR SANDY, 355 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,660 I DIDN'T ASK MY GIRLFRIEND TO THE DANCE AND NOW SHE'S MAD AT ME. 356 00:19:56,662 --> 00:20:01,365 IT WAS A MISTAKE AND I'D DO ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD TO MAKE HER HAPPY." 357 00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:05,602 SIGNED, "REGRETFUL IN RUTHERFORD." 358 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:08,806 IT WAS LIKE THE PEN WAS CONNECTED STRAIGHT TO MY HEART. 359 00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,512 - SEE YOU AT THE DANCE. - SEE YOU! 360 00:20:15,514 --> 00:20:19,183 OH... NICE LETTER, TOMMY. 361 00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:23,220 - I DIDN'T WRITE IT. - WH-- WELL, THEN WHO DID? 362 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,823 A SCOUT NEVER EXPECTS PRAISE FOR A GOOD DEED. 363 00:20:26,825 --> 00:20:30,294 - GOSH, IT'S EXACTLY YOUR STORY, IT'S UNCANNY. - I KNOW. 364 00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:33,430 A GOOD DEED IS ITS OWN REWARD. 365 00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:35,098 COME ON, BOYS, WHO WANTS MEAT? 366 00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:37,534 - I DO, I DO! - I DO, I DO! 367 00:20:37,536 --> 00:20:39,336 HEY... 368 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,405 GOOD SCOUT HERE, 369 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:44,241 MEAN THAT I WROTE THE LETTER. 370 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:47,110 IT WAS ME! IT WAS ME! 371 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,113 - MMM, MEAT! - YEP! 372 00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:52,583 IT'S RED, DEAD AND CORN-FED. 373 00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,919 ( hissing ) 374 00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,721 - WHAT'S THAT, LIEUTENANT? - AN ANT BOMB. 375 00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:01,225 - YOU THINK THAT'S GONNA KILL THE ANTS? - IT'S NOT WORKING SO FAR. 376 00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:03,694 UH, COULD YOU PASS THE BACON? 377 00:21:03,696 --> 00:21:05,363 OH, YEAH. 378 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:11,435 HERE. 379 00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:13,370 OKAY. 380 00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:25,149 - Dick: COME ON, COME ON, YES. - ( paws clacking ) 381 00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:28,586 - YOU'LL BE SAFE IN HERE WITH ME ALL DAY. - ( gasps ) 382 00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:30,588 DICK, WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DOG? 383 00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:33,690 SOME OLD GUY WITH DARK GLASSES WAS PUSHING HER DOWN THE SIDEWALK. 384 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:44,434 OKAY, THAT'S IT, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY OUT OF CONTROL. 385 00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:47,271 - ( car horn honking ) - ( brakes screeching ) 386 00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:50,574 ( loud crashing ) 32386

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