Original subtitles

[ STATIC ] [ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]

WHOO!

♪ YEAH, ALL MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND BURIED ♪

♪ SOMETIMES WE WISH THE SUN WOULD JUST EXPLODE ♪

♪ AND WHEN GOD COMES AND CALLS US TO HIS KINGDOM ♪

♪ YEAH, WE'LL TAKE YOU SONS OF BITCHES WHEN WE GO ♪

Rusty: MY TURN.

Early: HELL NO.

Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT THING!

Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM!

Early: HEY, GAGA-PEPAP.

IT'S US.

WE HEAR, JUST LIKE EVERY SUNDAY SINCE YOU PASSED, TO PAY OUR

DISRESPECT AND DISREGARD!

WHAT'S THAT, YOU SAY?

YOU IGNORING ME?

WELL, THEN, I IGNORE YOU, TOO!

Rusty: WELL, I MISS YOU, GAGA, AND I HOPE YOU UP IN

HEAVEN.

Early: NO, NO, NO!

LIL, HIT THE MUSIC.

[ DANCE MUSIC PLAYS ] COME ON, EVERYBODY!

WHOO! DANCE ON YOUR GRANDPAPPY'S GRAVE!

IT'S WHAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED!

SO, DAMN IT, DO IT!

Granny: OOH, YEAH.

Early: WHOO!

Rusty: WHEN DOES THE MOURNING PERIOD END, ANYWAY?

Early: WHEN THE HURT IS GONE!

PASS ME THE WHOLE MILK.

I'M GONNA DROP ME A BIG OL' THROAT OYSTER RIGHT HERE ON THE

WORD "BELOVED"!

[ SPITS ] DAMN YOU, GENERIC HEADSTONE

TEMPLATE!

[ SPITS ] HELL, YOU LUCKY WE COULDN'T

AFFORD TO WRITE HOW WE ACTUALLY FELT.

[ LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY ] [ SOBBING ]

[ SNIFFLES ] ALL THAT SUMBITCH LEFT ME WAS A

BUNCH OF DAMN TEENY-WEENY BEANSIE-WEANSIES!

[ SNIFFLES ] DIDN'T HE KNOW?!

ALWAYS KEEP THREE MONTHS' SALARY IN A DAMN BANK!

[ SOBBING ] Rusty: DADDY, I KNOW YOU'RE

UPSET, BUT I FOUND A BUYER FOR THESE ON THE INTERNET.

Sheriff: AND YOU GOT SPUNKY DUCK AND PUFFY PENGUIN,

RIGHT?

WITH ALL TAGS STILL ON?

Early: IF YOU EVER GET THIS PENGUIN, IT'LL BE SOAKED IN MY

BLOOD!

'CAUSE YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL ME FOR IT!

[ SOBBING ] Sheriff: BLOOD STAINS?

HMM. WELL, THAT WOULDN'T BE MINT CONDITION, THEN, WOULD IT?

Rusty: NO, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT DADDY.

HE JUST...

Early: I AIN'T LETTING THEM GO!

THEY ALL I GOT LEFT OF HIS NONRECIPROFYING, EMOTIONALLY

UNAVAILABLE FAT ASS!

[ SOBBING ] Sheriff: THIS DEAL AIN'T

HAPPENING TODAY, IS IT?

Rusty: SOME DAYS ARE BAD.

I JUST GOT TO FINESSE HIM A LITTLE BIT.

YOU WANT TO INVEST, I MEAN, WHY NOT BUY REAL ESTATE?

THEY AIN'T MAKING NO MORE LAND.

Sheriff: AND THEY AIN'T MAKING NO MORE OF THESE

TEENY-WEENY BEANSIE-WEANSIES, EITHER, DENNY.

COMPANY'S OUT OF BUSINESS.

OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH!

OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH.

Early: DAMN IT, GRANNY, WILL YOU STOP WITH THE DREAMS OF

GETTING FINGER-BANGED BY OLD TERRY BRADSHAW AND HOOPER.

IT'S ME, SON -- GAGA PEPAP.

Early: GAGA PEPAP?

DADDY?

[ GRUNTING ] WHAT THE HELL?!

YOU SOME SORT OF JEDI MASTER NOW?!

NO, SON, I'M A GHOST.

THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN MAKING THEM "OOHs" BACK THERE.

I COME BACK HERE TO MAKE AMENDS.

Early: ONLY AMENDS I'M MAKING IS MENDING THIS FENCE BETWIXT

US -- THICKIFYING IT TO KEEP YOU OUT OF MY SUMBITCHIN' DREAMS.

WELL, IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.

I DONE BUILT A WALL ON TOP OF THE FENCE TO BLOCK OUT YOUR

BRAIN MIND, SO I IGNORED YOU FIRST.

Early: WELL, I DONE CUT A WINDOW IN THAT WALL SO YOU CAN

SEE PRE-IGNORING YOU BEFORE YOU PRE-IGNORIFY ME, SO THERE

YOU GO.

I GUESS I DESERVE THAT.

Early: YOU DESERVE THAT AND THEN SOME!

WHOA, NOW.

I DON'T DESERVE THE "THEN SOME" PART.

Early: HERE'S A QUARTER.

GO BACK TO 1995 WHEN PAY PHONES EXIST AND CALL SOMEBODY IN 1995

WHO GIVES A DAMN!

GIVE ME SOME MORE MONEYS.

PAY PHONES WERE 35 CENTS BACK THEN.

Early: WELL, HERE'S YOU ANOTHER DIME, THEN.

I GOT YOU AGAIN.

I GOT YOUR 35 CENTS NOW.

Early: I GOT YOU AGAIN, 'CAUSE I DON'T RECOGNIZE NO

AMERICAN MONEYS, NOT WHILE WE GOT A KENYAN IN OFFICE.

GIVE ME SOME MORE MONEYS.

NOW I GOT TO CALL SOMEONE WHO CARES IN 1995, LONG DISTANCE IN

ANOTHER COUNTRY, WHO CARES.

Early: WELL, I'D LOVE TO, BUT ALL I GOT TO MY NAME IS A BUNCH

OF STUFFED-ASS ZOO CRITTERS!

Rusty: DADDY, WHO YOU TALKING TO?

Early: SHUT UP! HE'S TALKING!

CONTINUE.

HOLD ON TO THOSE, NOW.

THAT'S GONNA PROVIDE Y'ALL WITH FINANCIAL STERILITY.

Early: NOT WHEN THEY ON FIRE THEY DON'T!

Rusty: WHOA, DADDY, HOLD UP!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Early: MAKING MY DAMN POINT!

Rusty: WE HAD A BUYER FOR THOSE.

Early: THEM WAS MY DADDY'S.

[ SNIFFLES ] AND NOW...THEY'RE MINE!

Rusty: DADDY, GAGA-PEPAP IS GONE.

Early: WELL, I'M GLAD!

'CAUSE I DON'T NEVER NEED HIM IN MY DAMN LIFE NO MORE, NOT NEVER,

EVER, NEVER AGAIN!

Rusty: WITH ALL THEM DOUBLE-NEGATIVES, YOU ACTUALLY

JUST SAID YOU NEED HIM IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER AGAIN.

Early: [ SOBBING ] SO I DID.

FREUD, YOU MAGICAL SON OF A BITCH!

SON, LET'S GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE FIRE AND TALK A SPELL.

Early: DADDY, WHAT'S HEAVEN LIKE?

WHAT'S WHAT NOW?

Early: HEAVEN?

YOU KNOW, THE CARROT AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW THAT KEEPS ME

FROM MURDERING EVERY DAMN THING IN MY SIGHT.

MAYBE THEY'LL SEND THAT TRAIN OF ANGELS FOR MY SOUL SOMEDAY.

I'M JUST WAITING.

THAT'S WHY I WANT YOU TO DO RIGHT BY GOD WHILE YOU'RE ALIVE.

Granny: I THINK SOMEBODY'S SMOKING.

Rusty: SOMEBODY OUGHT TO GET GRANNY OUT OF THERE, RIGHT?

Granny: WHO PUT THIS BAR ACROSS THE DOOR? Early: IT'S HER TIME.

IT AIN'T A SURPRISE, BUT IT STILL AIN'T EASY.

Granny: I'M ALIVE! Early: HEY, LET'S US DO US SOME CRIMES.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

Rusty: DADDY, WHO YOU TALKING TO?

Early: SHUT UP! HE'S TALKING.

Granny: WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED?!

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

THESE HAPPENINGS, THEY'RE BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION.

Early: IT'S NATURE'S MYSTERIES ACTING OUT, I RECKON.

[ CASH REGISTER BELL DINGS ] WHAT IS THIS?!

I SHALL ISSUE A PLAGUE UPONST YOUR PEOPLE!

I CAN'T PLAGUE NOBODY.

I ONLY DO INVISIBLE STUFF.

Early: AW, DAMN IT.

THEN...

SNUFF DISPLAY -- TO THE FLOOR WITH YOU!

UNH.

Early: YEAH!

I AM THE SUN KING!

WHOO!

SUN KING? I THOUGHT THIS WAS NATURE'S MYSTERIES?

Early: NATURE'S MYSTERIES, WHAP HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD!

OHH!

THE UNEXPLAINED.

AAH!

NATURE'S MYSTERIES.

Early: LET ME DO IT NOW.

I AM THE SUN KING! WHOO!

MY BOY'S THE SUN KING, Y'ALL!

Early: HA HA! NATURE'S MYSTERIES, BABY!

[ LAUGHING ] SHE THINKS IT WAS DONE WITH

MAGIC, AND I DONE IT WITH MY HANDS!

Rusty: SEE? LOOK AT HIM.

HE'S JUST CARRYING ON LIKE HE'S TALKING TO SOMEBODY.

Sheriff: OH, RUSTY. [ CHUCKLES ] HE'S JUST FLIRTING.

LET'S GO HIT THE BANK NOW.

Early: YEAH! LET'S TAKE THAT BANK DOWN!

Sheriff: THE BANK?

[ CHUCKLES ] HELL, THAT'S A FOOL'S ERRAND.

YOUR DADDY AIN'T GOT NO MONEY IN THAT BANK.

Early: WE AIN'T GONNA MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES LIKE THE LAST

TIME, THOUGH.

I DON'T PLAN TO.

I'M GONNA WEAR A MASK THIS TIME AND NOT YELL OUT MY NAME SO

MUCH. GAGA-PEPAP!

Early: EARLY CUYLER, BABY!

WHOO!

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, DOWN ON THE FLOOR!

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THIS HERE FLOATING PANTYHOSE.

I CAN'T GET THROUGH THIS VAULT, BOY.

MY PANTYHOSE IS STUCK.

Early: WELL, TAKE IT OFF, THEN.

HARD STUFF DON'T GO THROUGH WALLS.

[ GRUNTS ] I GOT THE MONEY.

THE MONEY'S HARD.

Early: HARD STUFF DON'T GO THROUGH WALLS!

I CAN'T GET THE MONEY.

Early: GIVE ME THAT DAMN GUN.

Rusty: NO, NO, DADDY, NO!

[ GUNSHOT ] NO, DADDY!

NO, DADDY!

Early: I'M GOING IN THERE AND GETTING THE MONEYS.

[ THUDDING ] DAMN IT!

I CAN'T GET THE MONEYS!

I TRIED TO TELL YOU.

HARD STUFF DON'T GO THROUGH THE WALL.

Early: WELL, THEN WE GONNA...

KILL THE MONEYS.

MAKE ME SOME GHOST MONEYS.

THEN IT'LL GO THROUGH THE WALLS.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

DO THAT. [ CLANKING ] Early: DAMN IT!

THE GUN WON'T COME THROUGH!

HARD STUFF DON'T GO THROUGH THE WALL.

KILL THE GUN.

MAKE IT A GHOST GUN! HERE.

Early: DIE, GUN!

DIE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

WHAT ABOUT THE BOY?

Rusty: ...3, 4.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ] OH, DANG IT!

Early: THE BOY'S HARD.

HARD STUFF DON'T GO THROUGH WALLS, DUMBASS.

RUSTY OUGHT TO SWALLOW THE DEAD GUN GHOST, THEN HE SHOOTS THE

MONEY, THEN WE SHOOT HIM...

MAKE HIM A GHOST GUN. MONEY!

THEN HOW WE GONNA SPEND GHOST MONEY?

Early: WE'LL KILL THE DAMN STORES!

USE YOUR HEAD, OLD MAN!

Rusty: WHY, DADDY?!

WHY'D YOU DO THAT?!

Early: 'CAUSE I WANT THE MONEY!

HE CAN'T HEAR YOU.

SEE ALL THEM BRAINS ON THE WALL?

Early: IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?

THEM'S YOURS.

Rusty: NO, DADDY, YOU SHOT YOUR DAMN BRAINS OUT!

Early: WHAT THE...?

NO!

I'VE BEEN SHOT!

[ MONITORS BEEPING ] Granny: OH.

OH, MY POOR BABY.

THE SHOE'S ON THE OTHER FOOT NOW, AIN'T IT, BITCH?

LEAVE ME IN A BURNING HOUSE, WILL YOU, BOY?

[ FLATLINE ] OH! OH, RUSTY!

OH, THIS IS SO SAD.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ] BUT YOUR DADDY'S MADE HIS WISHES

CLEAR TO ME.

HE SAID, "PULL THE PLUG, PLEASE."

LIVING A LIFE LIKE A FRUIT AIN'T NO LIFE AT ALL.

Rusty: IT'S VEGETABLE, GRANNY.

Granny: YEAH, THOSE PEOPLE SHOULD DIE,TOO.

Lil: I CALL THE TRUCK!

OTHER TRUCK, THEN!

Granny: COME ON, RUSTY.

LET'S LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE ON THIS MOTHER FUCKER

Rusty: OH, I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, GRANNY.

Lil: STEP AWAY FROM THE PLUG, BOY.

Rusty: NO.

I'LL STAY HERE ALL NIGHT IF I GOT TO.

YOU CAN'T BE EVERYWHERE AT ONCE.

Granny: YOU EVER HEAR OF A ROLLING BROWNOUT?

Lil: SOME OF THESE OLD FUSES, YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY'RE JUST

GONNA POP.

Rusty: NO. NO. NO.

THAT YOUNG'UN's GOT A LOT OF LOVE FOR YOU.

HE FOREGO AND FORGET HIM.

IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE A SON LIKE THAT IN YOUR CORNER.

Rusty: I'D DIE BEFORE YOU KILL MY DADDY.

[ GUN COCKS ] Early: I GUESS.

I COULD TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

YEAH. ME TOO.

WELL, I GOT TO GET.

RED JESUS OVER THERE SAYS IT'S TIME TO RIDE UP TO HEAVEN ON A

TRAIN OF ANGELS.

OH, NO, I'M SORRY.

I ACTUALLY SAID A TRAIN OF DILDOS.

IT WAS DILDOS.

GRAB A SEAT.

THESE SEATS ARE POINTY AND PURPLE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

I DIDN'T KNOW HEAVEN WAS DOWNWARD.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] Granny: HE GONNA BE IN A

DIAPER IF HE EVER WAKES UP.

WHO WANTS TO DEAL WITH THAT?

I WANT THINGS IN MY LIFE, TOO.

I WANT THAT BOAT.

Early: YOU AIN'T HAVING THAT BOAT!

HELL, NO! THE BOAT IS MINE!

Granny: HE DON'T EVEN USE IT.

Early: THAT SUMBITCHIN' BOAT IS MINE!

Granny: HE JUST DRIVES IT AROUND FOR SHOW.

Early: AW, HELL, SHE CAN'T HEAR ME.

Granny: IT'S A SHOW BOAT.

Early: BOAT IS MINE, I SAID!

Granny: YEAH, THE BOAT WILL BE MINE.

Early: BOAT...MINE.

Rusty: DADDY? DADDY?

DADDY! HE'S ALIVE!

Early: BOAT...MINE.

Granny: UH-OH.

[ GRUNTING ] FUNNY HOW YOU FINALLY GOT A

RAMP WHEN I GOT THESE NEW HIPS PUT IN.

AAH!

[ BELL DINGS ] I KNOW -- "SHUT UP, BITCH."

[ BONES CRACKING ] Rusty: YEAH, WE GOT HIT WITH

A LOT OF MEDICAL BILLS SINCE THE SHOOTING.

I THINK HE'S FINALLY READY TO LET THESE GO.

Sheriff: UM, THESE AREN'T QUITE MINT CONDITION.

Rusty: YEAH, I RECKON WE COULD KNOCK A FEW BUCKS OFF THAT

INITIAL -- [ BELL DINGING ]

OH, I MEAN, WE MEAN TO STICK WITH THAT ORIGINAL PRICE WE

ALREADY TALKED ABOUT.

Sheriff: WELL, I'M SORRY.

I JUST CAN'T ACCEPT THIS.

[ BELL DINGS ] Rusty: SEE, DADDY'S SAYING

THAT ALL SALES ARE FINAL.

Sheriff: WELL, I HAVEN'T GIVEN Y'ALL ANY MONEY YET.

[ BELL DINGS ] Rusty: WELL, DADDY SAYS GO

AHEAD AND GIVE US THE MONEY.

Sheriff: I'LL DO IT, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M GETTING RIPPED

OFF.

[ BELL DINGS ] Rusty: DADDY SAYS THANKS AND

LEAVE THE BAG. THE BAG'S HIS.

Sheriff: WHAT? [ BELL DINGS ] Rusty: DADDY, I CAN'T SAY

THAT. OH, COME ON, DADDY.

[ BELL DINGS ] DADDY SAYS, GET YOUR PIG ASS OFF

HIS LAND.

[ BELL DINGING ] Sheriff: [ COUGHING ]

HE'S A WILD ONE, AIN'T HE?