Original subtitles

[ STATIC ]

[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> ♪ MY DREAMS ARE ALL DEAD AND

BURIED ♪

♪ SOMETIMES I WISH THE SUN WOULD

JUST EXPLODE ♪

♪ INSIDE THE MATCHSTICKS BOX

IS A TOKEN ♪

♪ OF ALL THAT WE HELD AND

USED TO KNOW ♪ >> Rusty: MY TURN.

>> Early: HELL NO.

>> Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT

THING!

>> Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM!

[ SIREN WAILS, RADIO CHATTER ]

>> HE COME UP AND HE GOT ALL THE

MONEY OUT OF THE REGISTER.

THEN HE GAVE IT BACK TO ME AND

DEMANDED I MAKE CHANGE.

>> I WANT CHANGE FOR THIS NOW!

>> Sheriff: HMM.

>> HE WANTED ALL THE MONEY IN

SMALL UNMARKED COINS. THEN HE SAT DOWN AND ROLLED THEM

COIN ROLLS AND SAID HE WANTED

BILLS BACK FOR IT.

>> TAKE THIS AND GIVE ME BILLS!

>> Sheriff: HE'S LAUNDERING THE

MONEY. GO ON, BOYD.

>> THEN HE SAID, "DON'T YOU CALL

THE POLICE," THAT HE'D BE

WATCHING ME. AND HE PULLED OUT A FOLDING

CHAIR AND SAT DOWN AND STARTED

WATCHING ME. >> Sheriff: I SEE.

>> FOR LIKE TWO HOURS HE'S WATCHING ME.

UM... >> Sheriff: AND THIS IS YOU

WAKING HIM UP ON THE TAPE HERE,

RIGHT?

>> WHAT? WHAT IS IT?

WHO IS IT? >> YES, SIR.

THEN HE ASKED ME IF HE COULD

STAY HERE, AND I SAID NO, THAT

THIS WAS A PLACE OF BUSINESS.

SO HE GIVE UP ALL THE MONEY AND

LEFT.

>> Sheriff: HMM.

THIS HERE?

THIS IS AN M.O. WE HAVE SEEN

BEFORE.

>> ARE YOU SAYING...?

>> Sheriff: YEP.

WE GOT US A WANTED FUGITIVE BACK

IN TOWN.

[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ MUSIC STOPS ] >> HEY, SON.

>> Early: WHATCHU DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU I DON'T

NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AROUND

HERE NO MORE.

>> I RECKONED WE COULD TALK.

>> Early: YOU CAN TALK ALL THE

HELL YOU WANT, BUT I AIN'T A-LISTENING.

HELL NO!

>> IF YOU AIN'T LISTENING, I'M

NOT TALKIN'.

>> Early: WELL, I GUESS WE GONNA

BE STANDING HERE FOR QUITE

AWHILE. >> WHAT'S THAT?

I DIDN'T HEAR YOU.

I AIN'T LISTENING TO YOU NOW.

>> Early: OH, TRYING TO FLIP IT

ON ME NOW, HUH?

FINE, COME ON IN.

SO I CAN SHOW YOUR ASS THE EXIT

DOOR! NOW GET ON OUTTA HERE.

>> I GUESS I'LL BE ON MY WAY,

THEN.

>> Early: WELL, THAT SOUNDS

GOODER THAN HELL TO ME!

>> LET THIS CANCER I HAVE RUN

THROUGH MY VEINS AND TAKE ME

OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOR GOOD.

>> Early: HELL, I WISH IT COULD

HAPPEN RIGHT NOW SO I COULD

WATCH IT, BUT, UNFORTUNATELY,

I'M A BUSY MAN.

SO, IF YOU EXCUSE ME.

>> GO ON AND WATCH YOUR STORIES

AND DON'T LET ME BOTHER YOU, 'CAUSE I'M LEAVING.

>> Early: GO ON!

DO WHAT YOU SAID, 'CAUSE I'M

BUSY AS HELL WITH MY TELEVISION

SET. >> WELL, ALL RIGHT, THEN.

I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE THIS GIFT

BY THE STOOP.

>> Early: NOW, WAIT NOW.

DON'T BE GOIN' SO FAST FOR A

SECOND, NOW.

WHAT'S THAT THERE GIFT YOU

MENTIONIN'?

>> I ALWAYS KNEW THAT YOU WERE

HAVING TOOTH PROBLEMS.

SO I GOT YOU SOME BRACES.

I JUST HOPE IT AIN'T TOO LATE.

>> Early: HELL, GRAVE ROBBIN'

AGAIN.

YOU AIN'T CHANGED A BIT.

>> I HAVE CHANGED, SON.

I GUESS YOU JUST CAN'T SEE IT

'CAUSE I SHOT YOUR EYES UP SO

BAD WITH YOUR BB GUN WHEN YOU

WAS REAL YOUNG.

>> Early: DON'T BE BRINGING UP GOOD MEMORIES TO TRY TO GET ON

WITH ME.

I'M OVER IT, WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

BUT YOU SEE THAT FRAIL, OLD

WOMAN OUT THERE?

>> Granny: I SAID THE 3/4 SOCKET

NOT THE 3/8.

[ GROANS ]

>> Early: YOU 'BOUT BROKE HER

DAMN HEART.

HELL, SHE CAN'T RE-LUBE NO

EMOTIONS -- NOT LIKE SHE CAN

RE-LUBE MY CHASSIS.

>> SOO-WEE! >> Granny: I'M READY, HUH.

>> GET ON OVER HERE!

>> Granny: I'M COMING.

I'M A-COMING.

AW, YOU?

YOU FILTHY RAT!

YOU USED ME AND LEFT ME TO RAISE

CHILDREN ON MY OWN, AND THEN YOU

RUN OUT WITH SOME FLOOZY.

AND THAT'S ALL IN THE PAST.

I CAN CHANGE YOU.

LET'S DEAL WITH THE OBVIOUS

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION RIGHT NOW

AND SORT OUT ALL THE DETAILS AT

A LATER DATE MORE CONVENIENT TO

YOU.

[ BED SPRINGS SQUEAKING ] >> OOH, YEAH.

>> Granny: [ MOANING ] >> Rusty: UGH.

>> YEAH, BABY, YEAH.

>> Rusty: [ GAGS ]

>> Early: OH, GOD.

>> Granny: OHHHH.

>> Early: OH.

[ SQUEAK! SPLAT! ]

>> TOUCHDOWN!

>> Rusty: UH, YOU -- YOU THINK

THEY DONE NOW?

[ BOTH MOANING, SPRINGS SQUEAKING ]

>> Early: OH, GOD.

THEY AIN'T DONE AT ALL. HELL NO.

THEY FAR FROM DONE.

>> NOW I'M DONE.

NOW GET OFF OF ME!

>> Granny: I LIKE HOW YOU'RE SO

COMFORTABLE EXPRESSING YOUR

NEEDS.

>> I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO SPEAK.

MAKE EGGS, OVER THERE. COME ON, RUSTY.

LET'S TALK AWHILE.

>> Rusty: ALL RIGHT, THEN.

>> Early: HELL, HE AIN'T HERE TO

HEAL NO WOUNDS.

HE'S HERE FOR THAT MONEY HE

STOLE 30 YEARS BACK.

HE DON'T THINK I KNOWED IT,

BUT I KNOWED IT AND I SAID IT

AND I SAY IT NOW I THINK IT AND

I SAY IT REPEATEDLY.

OTHERWISE IT DAMN DISAPPEARS.

>> Granny: HE BANGS LIKE A

LOADED FREIGHT TRAIN AN HOUR

LATE FOR THE DEPOT.

>> Early: GOD, THAT SUMBITCH

AIN'T NOTHING BUT A DAMN TROJAN

HORSE A SNEAKIN' IN HERE!

BUT INSIDE ALL THAT HORSE WOOD

IS A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING.

>> Granny: WELL...

>> Early: HELL, THAT AIN'T

NOTHING BUT A HALLERWEEN COSTUME

FOR A SHARK CREATURE MERGED WITH

A GO-RILLA.

THE GORILLA HALF, UH, THAT'S HOW

IT BREATHES ON LAND.

>> Granny: GORILLAS KNOW SIGN

LANGUAGE. >> Early: AND IT'S GOT A

THOUSAND LEGS LIKE A MILLIPEDE

ALL KARATE KICKING YOUR HEART IN

TWO. >> Granny: WAIT A MINUTE.

DOES THAT MEAN WE GONNA HAVE

BABIES THAT ARE PART MILLIPEDE?

>> Early: HELL, THERE AIN'T NO

EGGS LEFT IN YOUR HEN HOUSE.

THE SNAKE OF TIME DONE SEEN TO

THAT. >> Granny: WELL, SOME PEOPLE

FIND ME ATTRACTIVE!

>> Early: YEAH, I GUESS THEY ARE

A COUPLE PEOPLE WHO LIKE 'EM A

BALD-ASS PURPLE DUDE. >> Granny: YEAH.

>> Early: SOMETHING KINDA

STRANGE...ABOUT IT.

>> YOU KNOW FIRE?

>> Rusty: UH-HUH.

>> GETS HOT.

DON'T TOUCH THAT [WOLF HOWLS]

NO MATTER HOW SHINY.

>> Rusty: OKAY.

>> RIGHT ON RED DON'T MEAN YOU

HAVE TO GO RIGHT ON RED.

I DROVE AROUND IN CIRCLES FOR

YEARS 'FORE I FIGURED THAT OUT.

>> Rusty: UH, ALL RIGHT.

>> GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT FEELS

GOOD, BUT IT'S ALSO REAL EASY.

[ BOOM! ]

>> Rusty: OKAY.

>> THEY'S BURIED TREASURE

EVERYWHERE IN A CEMETERY.

>> Rusty: MM.

>> EGGS ARE FULL OF CHOLESTEROL.

IT'S THEM YELLOW THINGS INSIDE

MAKES IT TASTE GOOD.

>> Rusty: THAT'S SOMETHIN' ELSE.

>> FLOSS IS A CONSPIRACY BY

THE 'MERICAN INDIANS.

>> Rusty: MM-KAY.

>> NOW WE'RE GETTING INTO MY

BELIEF SYSTEM.

RAPE ME ONCED, SHAME ON YOU.

RAPE ME TWICED, I MUST'VE DID

SOMETHING TO ASK FOR IT.

>> Rusty: THAT'S WHAT YOU

BELIEVE?

>> 'COURSE, THAT'S PRISON TALK.

DID I MENTION WE'S IN PRISON?

WE'RE NOT.

>> Rusty: WHAT?

WHY YOU TELLING ME ALL THIS,

GAGA?

>> I AIN'T GONNA BE AROUND

FOREVER, RUSSELL.

WHEN I GO, I WANT YOU TO BURY ME

ON THIS HILL.

UNDER THIS SHADE TREE.

WITH THIS HANG GLIDER.

THAT WAY WHEN ZOMBIE TIMES COME

I'LL BE ABLE TO ATTACK FROM

ABOVE.

>> Rusty: OH, GAGA, YOU GONNA BE

AROUND FOR A LONG TIME.

>> YOU WANT YOU A HEALTHY STICK?

>> Rusty: THANK YOU.

[ LIGHTER CLICKS ]

>> [ INHALES DEEPLY ]

AIN'T NEVER TOO EARLY TO THINK

ABOUT PREVENTION.

>> Rusty: MM.

>> THIS HERE'S CALLED MOUNTAIN

DANCIN'.

I WASTED MY LIFE DOING THIS, AND

I'LL REST EASY KNOWIN' THAT YOU

MADE THE SAME STUPID CHOICES I

DO. >> Rusty: OKAY.

>> IT'S A SIMPLE STEP.

FOLLOW MY LEAD.

ONE AND A TWO AND THREE AND

FOUR AND FIVE AND A SIX AND A

SEVEN AND EIGHT AND NINE AND A

10 AND 11 AND A 12...

45 AND 46 AND 47...

AND 48 AND 49.

NOW YOU TRY. >> Rusty: OKAY, SO IS IT UH...

A ONE AND A TWO --

>> NO! NO!

THAT'S NOT LIKE IT AT ALL!

TO BE A DANCING FOOL, YOU GOTTA

BE SMART IN THE MEAT UP HERE,

WHERE THE 'PINIONS GET REPEATED

FROM.

YOU PUT YOUR HAT THERE FOR THE

MONEY.

MAKE SURE YOU FLIP IT OVER, NOW.

THE OPEN PART UP. THAT'S A TRADE SECRET.

[ VEHICLE APPROACHES ]

>> Early: YOU SAY SOMETHING

ABOUT MONEY? I KNOWED IT!

>> I SPENT THAT MONEY LONG AGO,

SON.

>> Early: THEN YOU WON'T MIND IF

I DIG HERE, THEN!

>> GO ON. SEE IF I CARE.

>> Early: 'CAUSE IT AIN'T BEEN

NOWHERE ELSE Y'ALL WENT TODAY.

AIN'T NO MONEY DOWN HERE.

AIN'T NO MONEY DOWN HERE,

NEITHER!

DAMN IT TO HELL.

AIN'T NO MONEY DOWN HERE,

NEITHER! >> HEY, BOY, SPEAKING OF

DIGGING, 'MEMBER THAT TIME I

TOOK YA FISHING THAT TIME?

>> Early: THEM AIN'T GOT NOTHING

TO DO WITH EACH OTHER, BUT, YES.

I WAS BUT A YOUNGERN.

>> GIMME ALL YOUR WORMS AND

NIGHT CRAWLERS! NOW! NOW! NOW!

ELSE I'LL TREBLE HOOK YOU RIGHT

IN YOUR BELLYBUTTON.

THIS IS A BAIT RAID.

>> Early: HEY. HEY, DADDY.

YOU MEAN THESE?

>> ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!

[ GUN COCKS ]

I SAID NO WITNESSES.

THIS HAS GOTTEN ALL OUT OF HAND.

TAKE 'EM HOSTAGE!

>> Early: [ LAUGHS ]

YEAH, YOU MADE ME KILL ONE WORM

EVERY HOUR. >> YEAH.

[ COUGHS ]

THAT WAS A LONG, CONFUSING

NIGHT.

[ COUGHING ]

>> Rusty: GA-- GAGA, YOU OKAY?

GAGA! >> WITCHERY!

GUMMING UP MY LUNGS. >> Rusty: GET HIM HIS HEALTHY

STICK!

>> [ COUGHING CONTINUES ]

>> Rusty: LIGHT IT! LIGHT IT UP!

>> [ INHALES DEEPLY ]

[ LUNGS HISS ]

THERE THAT'S BETTER.

>> Early: GAGA?!

>> Rusty: GAGA!

>> Early: GAGA! NO!

YOU WEREN'T NEVER THERE FOR ME

WHEN I WAS YOUNG, AND YOU AIN'T

HERE FOR ME NOW 'CAUSE YOU DEAD.

THE CIRCLE WILL BE UNBROKEN,

BY AND BY, LORD.

BY AND BY.

ELVIRA UM PAPA UM PAPA UM PAPA

MOWMOW.

HELL, ONLY TWO SONGS HE USED

TO PLAY, GAGA.

NOW LOOK AT YOU, UP THERE IN

HEAVEN PLAYING 'EM ON A

GENTILE'S HARP, 'CAUSE THAT'S

THE ONLY WAY YOU'D ALLOW THAT

THERE KIND OF INSTRUMENT IN YOUR

BAND.

>> Granny: YEAH, HE COULD BE

REAL PICKY ABOUT HIS RACES.

I'M JUST GLAD I COULD HIT IT

[SNIFFLES] BEFORE LIFE QUIT IT.

>> Early: [ GRUNTS ]

>> Rusty: OH, COME ON, Y'ALL.

HE TOLD ME HE WANTED TO BE

BURIED WITH HIS HANG GLIDER.

>> Early: SO HE CAN RAIN DEATH

DOWN FROM ABOVE DURING ZOMBIE

TIMES?

HELL, NOT ON MY WATCH!

>> EARLY, I REALIZE THIS IS A

DELICATE TIME, BUT, UH, THIS

ISN'T GONNA BE ANOTHER ONE OF

THOSE DIG-AND-DASH DEALS, IS IT?

>> Early: WELL, HE TOLD ME HE

SPENT THE MONEY A LONG TIME AGO.

>> UH.

>> Early: AND RIGHT NOW, I GUESS

I BELIEVE HIM.

>> Rusty: HM, IS THAT A BAG OF

MONEY DOWN THERE? >> Early: YOU SAY MONEY?

WHAT?! WHAT MONEY DOWN THERE?!

>> Granny: GET THE MONEY!

>> Early: LOOK, I GOT THE DAMN

MONEY! WHOO!

>> Rusty: YEAH, MONEY! WOO-HOO!

>> HALLELUJAH!

BRING FORTH THE MONEY!

>> Rusty: THAT MUST BE WHY HE

PICKED THIS SPOT.

HE WANTED US TO FIND IT.

"DEAR EARLY..."

>> I TOLD YOU I SPENT ALL THE

MONEY, BUT IT WAS TO BUY THESE

COLLECTIBLE TEENY WEENY BEANIE

WEENCIES NOVELTY ANIMALS.

I GOT YOU AGAIN.

GAGA GEGA PEE PAP.

WHATEVER, YOUR DAD.

[ SIREN WAILS ]

>> Early: A BUNCH OF TEENY WEENY

BEANIE WEENCIES!

>> Sheriff: GET OUT OF THE HOLE,

GAGA PEE PAP. YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

>> Early: HEY, SHERIFF...

>> Sheriff: COME ON!

>> Early: HE'S DEAD.

>> Sheriff: DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT

YOU.

>> Early: YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD MAN, SHERIFF.

[ GUNSHOT ] >> Early: SHERIFF!

>> Sheriff: I'LL DO IT TO YOUR OTHER KNEE NOW.

>> Early: HE'S DEAD!

>> Sheriff: OH, OH, HE'S DEAD?

OH, THIS IS A FUNERAL.

>> Early: UH, YEAH.

>> Sheriff: OH.

[ GUNSHOTS ]

[ SIGHS ]

IT'S A TRAGEDY ANY TIME YOU LOSE

SOMEBODY, AIN'T IT?

>> Granny: [ SCREAMS ] [ CLATTER ]

[ GROANS ]

>> Early: UMM, NOT EVERY TIME.

>> ♪ OUR HOUSE MAY JUST WASH

DOWN THE RIVER ♪

♪ FOR STEALING WOOD FOR MANY

YEARS ♪

♪ MY GUARDIAN IS THE TABLE

FOR ALL SEASONS ♪

♪ 'CAUSE SEASONS BRING ME JOY ♪

♪ WITHOUT THE SUNRISE HERE ♪