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[ STATIC ]
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
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>> ♪ MY OLDEST SON WAS BORN AN
ALBINO ♪
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♪ MY YOUNGEST ONE'S COVERED UP
IN HAIR ♪
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00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,916
♪ THE MIDDLE ONE SAYS HE'S
HOMOSEXUAL ♪
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♪ AND THE OTHER SEVEN HAVE GONE,
I DON'T KNOW WHERE ♪
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♪ I JUST DON'T CARE ♪
>> Rusty: MY TURN.
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00:00:29,229 --> 00:00:29,996
>> Early: HELL NO.
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00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,598
>> Rusty: MAN, LET ME DRIVE THAT
THING!
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>> Early: DO NOT TOUCH THE TRIM!
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HEY! HOW YOU DOIN' THERE?
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00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:40,907
WHAT'LL IT BE TODAY?
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>> OH.
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00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,276
I DIDN'T REALIZE THIS WAS
FULL-SERVICE.
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00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:44,277
>> Early: YES, SIR!
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00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:44,944
>> NEAT.
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00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,413
>> Early: THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.
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>> YOU KNOW, THE PUMP IS ON THE,
UM...
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00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:49,082
>> Early: [ INHALES DEEPLY ]
>> OHH.
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00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:52,252
>> Early: I SEE YOU'RE PARTIAL
TO SUPER PREMIUM.
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>> YEAH -- 91 OCTANE.
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00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:55,221
>> Early: [ WHEEZES ]
>> IT'S WHAT I LIKE.
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00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,857
>> Early: KICKS LIKE A
SUMBITCHIN' MULE!
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00:00:57,924 --> 00:01:00,226
>> Rusty: HEY, Y'ALL, LOOK WHAT
I GOT GRANNY FOR MAMA'S DAY.
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00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:02,295
>> Early: HEY, GIMME THAT SOAK
RAG YOU'S CARRYIN'.
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00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:03,263
>> Rusty: M-MY WUBBY?
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00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:04,264
>> Early: DID I STUTTER?
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>> UH, SIR?
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00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,200
>> Rusty: WELL, THIS BLANKET'S
BEEN THE ONLY RELIABLE PRESENCE
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00:01:07,267 --> 00:01:08,868
SINCE MY --
>> Early: GIMME THAT THERE.
30
00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:09,736
>> Rusty: NO! NO!
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00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:13,273
>> Early: [ INHALES DEEPLY ]
>> UH, SIR?
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00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:17,110
[ PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ INDISTINCT ECHOING ]
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[ LIQUID BUBBLING ]
>> Early: DAMN, SON!
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[ SPITS ]
WUBBY AIN'T FOOLIN' AROUND, IS
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00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:26,886
HE?
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[ SNORTS ]
>> Rusty: HERE YA GO, GRANNY.
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00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:29,122
>> Granny: OOH, A GIFT?
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>> Rusty: HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
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00:01:31,057 --> 00:01:32,725
>> Granny: OOH!
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JESUS IS MY FAVORITE!
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HOW DID YOU KNOW?
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00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:38,298
>> Rusty: WELL, YOU CARRY ON
ABOUT HIM A LOT AND GIVE ALL
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00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:40,300
YOUR MONEY TO HIM AND YOU CALL
OUT HIS NAME WHENEVER I HEAR
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THAT LOUD BUZZIN' AT NIGHT.
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00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:43,837
>> Granny: OH, THAT'S JUST MY
PAGER.
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I GET PAGES.
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00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:46,306
>> Early: WELL, YOU SURE AS HELL
GET A LOT OF EXTRA TEXTS BELOW
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00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:49,843
THE WAIST WHEN YOU WATCHIN' THAT
"SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT II."
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00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:50,977
>> Granny: I HAVE NEEDS!
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00:01:51,077 --> 00:01:53,113
AND WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET SOME
DAMN WALLS IN THIS HOUSE?
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00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,914
>> Early: HERE -- LET ME HANG
THAT UP FOR YOU.
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00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,249
>> Granny: NO --
>> Early: [ GRUNTS ]
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>> Granny: OHH!
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>> Early: [ INHALES SHARPLY ]
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
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00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:01,688
WHOO!
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00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:02,589
>> Granny: OHH...
57
00:02:02,655 --> 00:02:05,258
[ CRICKETS CHIRPING ]
YES, THAT'S RUSTY.
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00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,327
I TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT HIM.
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00:02:07,427 --> 00:02:09,762
I KNOW, ISN'T HE?
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00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:13,099
SEE, RUSTY, THIS JESUS LIKES TO
TALK TO ME.
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00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,535
NOT LIKE THAT OTHER JESUS.
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I SUSPECT HE'S ALWAYS TUNIN' ME
OUT.
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00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,275
...AND THEN HE WANTED ME TO BUY
AN ENTIRE BOOK OF STAMPS.
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00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:23,443
I SAID, "NO, SIR.
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00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:26,179
I WAS BORN AT NIGHT, BUT NOT
TOMORROW NIGHT.
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00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,048
ONE STAMP, PLEASE -- JUST WHAT I
ASKED FOR."
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00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,218
...AND THEN I SAYS, "NICE
WEATHER WE'RE HAVIN'," AND SHE
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00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,287
AIN'T SAYS NOTHIN' BACK TO ME.
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00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:35,488
>> MM.
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00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:37,557
>> Granny: SO I CALLED HER A
FILTHY WHORE THAT DON'T RESPECT
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HER ELDERS...
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...AND THEN HE GOES ON TO TELL
ME I CAN'T BE MAILIN' HUMAN
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00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,195
FECES.
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00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:45,498
AND I SAYS, "I AIN'T NO HUMAN,
AND WHAT'S IT TO YOU?
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YOU AIN'T GETTIN' IT.
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00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,535
AND YES, I WOULD LIKE TO INSURE
IT."
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...FOUND OUT THE WHOLE TIME
SHE'S A DAMN SMOKE MONSTER AND I
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FOUND OUT I WAS TALKIN' TO THE
TELEVISION SET.
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00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:58,478
YEAH, I WAS PRETTY EMBARRASSED
AND LONELY THAT DAY.
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00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:02,215
YOU KNOW, BEIN' WITH YOU AND
GOSSIPIN' ON PEOPLE I HATE FILLS
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00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:04,918
MY HEART WITH HEAVENLY JOY.
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00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,754
I CAN'T SEE YOU TOO GOOD WITHOUT
MY GLASSES, BUT I CAN FEEL YOUR
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00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:08,855
HOLY PRESENCE.
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00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,590
>> OKAY, I THINK I'VE BOUGHT
MYSELF A DAY WITH THIS.
85
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,559
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
>> WHY DID YOU EVEN APPEAR TO
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00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:13,593
HER IN THE FIRST PLACE?
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00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:14,594
>> SHE SNAPPED A HIP.
88
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:15,595
I THOUGHT IT WAS OVER.
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00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:17,530
>> YOU KNOW THEY DON'T HAVE
BONES, RIGHT?
90
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:18,598
>> I KNOW THAT NOW!
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00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:21,601
>> Granny: YOU CAN COVER
YOURSELF UP IN POUNDS OF FAT,
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00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,571
BUT AN ADAM'S APPLE IS AN
ADAM'S APPLE.
93
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:28,074
KIRSTIE ALLEY IS A DUDE!
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00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,877
...AND BOOT THE MOON, AND SHIFT
YOUR HIP.
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00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:31,778
MM! OH!
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00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:33,179
YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD DANCER!
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00:03:33,246 --> 00:03:35,181
WHOO! HEAVENLY JESUS!
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00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,016
>> Rusty: UGH.
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00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:38,585
I'M GLAD YOU'RE ENJOYIN' MY
GIFT, GRANNY.
100
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:39,519
>> Granny: GET YOUR OWN!
>> Lil: SHUT UP!
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00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,455
>> Granny: JEALOUS OF MY JESUS
MUCH?
102
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,023
>> Early: DAMN IT, WOMAN!
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SHUT IT DOWN!
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00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,092
>> Granny: A-A-A-A-A-AND...
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00:03:46,192 --> 00:03:49,095
♪ ONE AND TWO AND THREE,
AND THEN SING A HAPPY SONG ♪
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00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:50,430
>> Lil: ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
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00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:52,532
I'M NOT HIGH ENOUGH FOR THIS
B.S.
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00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,968
>> Granny: ♪ OH, MY JESUS ♪
♪ OH, MY JESUS, YOU ARE... ♪
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00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,603
>> Early: SON, GO KILL YOUR
GRANDMA.
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00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:57,437
>> Rusty: NAH, DADDY.
>> Early: GO ON, NOW.
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PUT HER DOWN.
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00:03:59,272 --> 00:04:00,540
>> Granny: ♪ ...WITH ME AND MY
WALKER -- ♪
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[ STOMACH GURGLES ]
OHH!
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00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:03,209
EXCUSE ME, YOUR HOLINESS.
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00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:05,878
>> Early: I GUESS ALL THAT
JIGGLE DANCIN' DONE PLAYED HELL
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00:04:05,945 --> 00:04:07,146
WITH HER OLD-WOMAN BOWELS.
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00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,616
>> Rusty: DADDY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOIN' TO MY MAMA'S DAY GIFT?
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00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,050
>> Early: ALTERATIONS.
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00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:12,151
>> Granny: WHEW!
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00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:15,455
THAT ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME BEFORE
I EVEN FOUND THE SEAT!
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DID YA MISS ME, JESUS?
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00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:18,291
>> Early: HELL NO, I DIDN'T!
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00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,893
>> Granny: JESUS? YOU SPEAK?
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00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,797
>> Early: AND I SAYETH UNTO YOU,
SHUT THINE SLOPPY MOUTH HOLE AND
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00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:26,332
LIE THEE DOWN FOR THE NIGHT.
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00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:27,133
>> Granny: OOH!
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00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:28,801
YOU'RE SO "TAKE CHARGE"!
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00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:30,803
>> Early: BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!
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00:04:30,903 --> 00:04:31,437
>> Granny: YES, SIR.
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00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:33,473
>> Early: BAP! SUCKER PUNCH!
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00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:36,509
I GOT THE POWER IN ME!
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00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,144
HALLELUJAH!
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00:04:38,244 --> 00:04:43,149
>> Granny: [ GRUNTING ]
>> Early: I DID NOT TELL THEE TO
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STOP!
>> Granny: OKAY.
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00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:45,351
OHH.
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00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,586
>> Early: Thou shalt, and thou
shalt...
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00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:47,587
>> Granny: I'M A LITTLE
UNCOMFORTABLE.
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00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,156
>> Early: THAT'S MY WORD, AND MY
WORD IS THE LAW.
139
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,024
>> Granny: WELL, OKAY.
YOU ARE JESUS.
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00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:52,458
>> Early: GO ON, PILGRIM.
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00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:55,328
>> Granny: I'M STREAKIN'!
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00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,263
[ CROWD BOOS ]
STREAKIN'!
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00:04:57,330 --> 00:05:00,600
[ LAUGHS ]
>> Early: [ COUGHS, SPITS ]
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00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:01,534
WATER?! I SAID WINE!
145
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,336
>> Granny: YOU SAID YOU COULD
CHANGE IT.
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00:05:03,436 --> 00:05:04,837
>> Early: THE RACE IS ALMOST ON.
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00:05:04,937 --> 00:05:06,706
JUST GET ME THE STORE-BOUGHT!
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00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:07,540
BACK THEE UP RIGHT IN HERE!
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00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,276
>> Granny: AND NOW BACK ONE MORE
FOOT.
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00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:11,611
WHOA! RIGHT THERE.
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00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:12,278
>> Early: DROP THY PAYLOAD.
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00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:14,180
>> Granny: WHEE!
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00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,049
OHH!
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00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,717
IT'S HIS WILL.
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00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:22,555
[ ZAPPING ]
I AIN'T REALLY DONE THIS BEFORE.
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00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,223
>> Early: JESUS SAYS "SHUT UP."
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00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,291
NOW PLUG THEM DAMN WIRES.
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00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,392
>> Granny: ALL RIGHT.
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00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,661
>> Sheriff: OH, GRANNY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN'?
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00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:29,896
>> Granny: I DON'T KNOW.
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00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,899
>> Early: SHE IS INSTALLIFYING A
JAH-CUZZI, AS I HAVE COMMANDED.
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00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,702
>> Sheriff: YOU CAN'T LET HER
PUT ELECTRIC WIRES IN THE KOI
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00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,070
POND.
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00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:38,471
I MEAN, SHE AIN'T LICENSED BY
THE STATE OR NOTHIN', YOU KNOW
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00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:39,238
WHAT I MEAN?
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00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,075
>> Granny: I'M LICENSED BY THE
LORD.
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00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:42,709
WHOO!
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00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:44,243
[ ZAPPING ]
OKAY, HOP IN.
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00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,380
>> Early: I MUST MAKE MY LEAVE
AND FETCHETH EARLY.
170
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,082
THIS IS MY GIFT TO HIM.
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00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,750
Y'ALL HAVE A GOOD'UN, NOW.
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00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,585
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, NOW!
173
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:56,656
>> Sheriff: GRANNY, JUST KEEP AN
EYE OUT FOR THOSE BEARIN' FALSE
174
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:57,890
WITNESS, WILL YA?
175
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:01,928
>> Granny: WELL, THIS JESUS DOES
SEEM TO USE THE "C" WORD QUITE
176
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:02,595
A LOT.
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00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,198
>> Early: HOT TUB, BABY! WHOO!
178
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:05,932
WAIT A MINUTE.
179
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,100
WHERE IN THE HELL IS
KENNY CHESNEY?
180
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,935
>> Granny: [ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
>> Early: I WAS PROMISED
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00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,103
CHESNEY!
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00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,571
>> Granny: HIS PUBLICIST SAID
HE'S ON TOUR UNTIL THE 14th.
183
00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:13,339
>> Early: YOU KNOW WHAT?
184
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:14,440
I'M GONNA GO TELL JESUS.
185
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,042
>> Granny: NO, PLEASE DON'T
TELL!
186
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:17,443
>> Early: YOU'RE A DUMBASS BITCH
FOR CROSSIN' JESUS LIKE THAT.
187
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,112
>> Granny: OHH!
188
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:20,246
>> Early: WHAT IS THIS?!
189
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:21,414
NO KENNY CHESNEY?!
190
00:06:21,514 --> 00:06:23,516
>> Granny: I KEEP CALLIN' HIS
MANAGER, BUT I ONLY GET THE
191
00:06:23,583 --> 00:06:24,684
VOICEMAIL!
192
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,619
>> Early: YOU AIN'T A-GETTIN'
INTO HOGWARTS WHEN YOU DIE!
193
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:27,286
>> Granny: NO!
194
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,788
>> Early: JESUS JUST DECIDED IT!
195
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,022
>> Granny: PLEASE!
196
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:32,792
>> Early: HEY, SHERIFF, MAYBE
THOU SHOULD GOETH AND A-BUYETH
197
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:33,893
JESUS A PONY KEG.
198
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,962
>> Granny: HE LOVES HIM SOME
BEER IN A KEG, PRAISE HIM.
199
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,064
>> Sheriff: JUST GIMME THAT DAMN
PAINTIN', EARLY.
200
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,198
>> Early: UNH-UNH-UNH-UNH.
201
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:40,366
[ SHOTGUN COCKS ]
I KNOW YOU AIN'T TOUCHIN' JESUS
202
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,635
ON THE FACE, HERE.
203
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:48,141
[ COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS ]
[ SNORING ]
204
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,041
>> Rusty: DADDY, GET UP.
205
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,209
>> Early: WHO'S -- WHA-WHAT?
206
00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:51,811
>> Rusty: HEY, MAN, YOU GOT SOME
VISITORS.
207
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,547
>> Granny: YEP, SAVIOR RIGHT
THIS WAY.
208
00:06:54,614 --> 00:06:55,782
COME ON, FOLKS.
209
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:56,816
>> Early: UH-OH.
210
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,484
>> Granny: THE ONE AND ONLY, THE
MAN ON THE CROSS.
211
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:00,987
>> WELL, H-HELLO, JESUS.
212
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,723
[ LAUGHS ]
DIDN'T SEE YOU IN CHURCH TODAY.
213
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,626
>> Early: WHAT PART OF "DAY OF
REST" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND?
214
00:07:06,726 --> 00:07:09,996
GETETH THEE OFFETH MY PROPERTY,
HERE!
215
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,165
[ GUNSHOT ]
YOU DIS-ETH-PLEASE-ETH ME-ETH!
216
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:16,169
>> Sheriff: WELL, NOW, JESUS, IF
THAT'S REALLY YOU, WHY DON'T YOU
217
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,805
GO AHEAD AND PROVE IT TO ALL
THESE GOOD PEOPLE HERE?
218
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:19,806
>> Early: FINE.
219
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,307
Y'ALL WANNA SEE YOU SOME MAGIC?
220
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:22,508
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> YEAH!
221
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,142
>> HELL YEAH!
>> Granny: HEAVENLY JESUS!
222
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:25,578
>> Early: WATCH ME SAW THIS OLD
WOMAN IN HALF!
223
00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:26,345
>> Granny: NO!
224
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:27,413
[ CROWD GASPS ]
>> Sheriff: NO, NO.
225
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,781
NOW, DON'T DO THAT.
226
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:29,415
LOOK, THIS HERE IS BILLY MORTON.
227
00:07:29,482 --> 00:07:30,650
>> HEY, JESUS.
228
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:34,120
>> Sheriff: NOW, BILLY'S FATHER
NAILED THESE TREE BRANCHES AND
229
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,522
2x4s TO HIM SO HE COULD GET
AROUND.
230
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,591
>> Early: WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY?
231
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,525
TOUGH NUTS.
232
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,527
[ CROWD BOOS ]
THE WAY I WORK IS UN-UNKNOWN TO
233
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,664
ME AND...MYSTERIOFIED AND ALL
THAT MESS.
234
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:48,267
>> Sheriff: I WANT YOU TO HEAL
HIM RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW.
235
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:51,204
>> Early: H-HE'S SUPPOSED TO
BRING ME THREE GIFTS OR RUB A
236
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,271
LAMP OR SOMETHIN'.
237
00:07:52,338 --> 00:07:53,039
>> Sheriff: UNH-UNH! STOP!
>> Early: [ SIGHS ] FINE.
238
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,043
YOUNG PILGRIM, PUT THEM WOODEN
HANDS IN MINE.
239
00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:00,012
[ INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS ]
Now you go on and get Jesus a
240
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:01,714
pony keg --
>> Sheriff: NO KEGS, JESUS.
241
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:02,715
>> Early: DAMN!
242
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,383
>> Sheriff: I WANT TO SEE
EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT.
243
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:04,984
>> Early: ALL RIGHT, FINE.
244
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,620
BILLY, REPEAT AFTER ME.
245
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:09,055
PART THE LIPS AND PASS THE GUMS.
246
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,523
>> PART THE LIPS AND PASS THE
GUMS.
247
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:11,724
>> Early: WATCH OUT, LIVER.
248
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:12,225
HERE IT COMES.
>> WATCH OUT, LIVER.
249
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,060
HERE IT COMES.
250
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:14,727
>> Early: AMEN!
251
00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,362
>> AMEN.
252
00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:17,864
>> Early: BOOM! I HEALED YE!
253
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:19,899
STUMBLE IN THE LIGHT.
254
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,134
>> AHH! IT IS HE!
255
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,536
>> Early: YOU DAMN RIGHT IT IS!
256
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:24,170
>> THE SAVIOR!
257
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,705
>> Early: I'M BACK, BITCHES!
258
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,039
>> HE HAS COME BEFORE US.
259
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:27,473
>> Early: ALERTETH THE MEDIA!
WHOO!
260
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:31,244
>> REVELATION IS AT HAND!
261
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,914
>> Early: NOW, MY FLOCK, BRING
ALL YOUR MONIES UP HERE TO ME!
262
00:08:35,014 --> 00:08:38,751
I HAVE ALSO TWEAKED THE ANCIENT
TEXT SO THAT I MIGHT LIE DOWN
263
00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,086
WITH GLENN'S WIFE.
264
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:40,720
RIGHT, GLENN?
>> UH...
265
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,689
>> Early: GLENN, DON'T YOU
DISPLEASE ME, NOW.
266
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,892
>> YEAH, GO ON UP THERE, HONEY.
267
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:46,492
>> [ GASPS ]
>> HAVE A GOOD'UN.
268
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,160
>> Early: WHOO!
269
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:49,161
>> JESUS, I LOST MY JOB.
270
00:08:49,228 --> 00:08:50,496
>> I CAN'T SATISFY MY WIFE
ANYMORE.
271
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:51,430
>> Early: UH...
272
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,266
>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT
GLOBAL WARMING?
273
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,567
>> I CAN'T AFFORD TO FEED MY
KIDS.
274
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,102
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT
THAT?
275
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:56,936
>> Early: UM...
276
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,271
>> CAN YOU END THE WAR IN
AFGHANISTAN?
277
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,506
>> HEY, THE BULLDOGS GONNA WIN
THE S.E.C. THIS YEAR?
278
00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,508
>> Early: LET ME JUST THINK
ABOUT ALL THAT AND HIT ALL OF
279
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,944
THEE...BACK ON THE FLIP.
280
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,579
[ DOOR SLAMS ]
AMEN!
281
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,781
>> [ WHIMPERING ]
>> WELL...
282
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,783
[ LAUGHS NERVOUSLY ]
THAT WAS BRIEF.
283
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,084
>> NOT A LOT OF ANSWERS.
284
00:09:12,184 --> 00:09:13,786
I DIDN'T FIND OUT A LOT OF
ANSWERS.
285
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,788
[ CROWD SHOUTING ]
>> Early: HEY, Y'ALL.
286
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:16,923
AW! DID I MISS HIM AGAIN?
287
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:19,125
>> Sheriff: I THINK YOU'RE
LOSIN' THE CROWD, EARLY.
288
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:19,792
>> Early: HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
289
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,428
HEY, Y'ALL HANG TIGHT, NOW!
290
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:23,763
LET ME SEE IF JESUS IS STILL
BACK HERE.
291
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:27,533
[ SHOUTING CONTINUES ]
ALL RIGHT! WHOO! YEAH!
292
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,569
[ CROWD CHEERS ]
>> Sheriff: HE MAY NEED TO BRING
293
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:30,736
OUT HIS "A" GAME HERE.
294
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,905
>> Early: YOU MEAN LIKE GO OUT
THERE AND SIGN SOME TITTIES?
295
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:33,639
>> Sheriff: GONNA TAKE MORE THAN
THAT.
296
00:09:33,739 --> 00:09:36,976
>> Early: AW, DAMN IT.
297
00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,979
AND NOW I'M GONNA WALK ON THE
WATER.
298
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,949
[ CROWD CHEERS ]
BEHOLD.
299
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:44,984
AAH! DAMN IT!
300
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,154
[ FEEDBACK ]
YOU KNOW WHAT -- UM, LET'S DO
301
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,122
THIS HERE THING ON TUESDAY.
302
00:09:50,222 --> 00:09:51,991
YEAH, Y'ALL JUST COME ON BACK
TUESDAY, NOW.
303
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:52,592
>> OKAY!
304
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:53,659
>> Early: IT GONNA HAPPEN.
305
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:55,728
>> WE'LL SEE YOU ON TUESDAY.
306
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,164
>> Early: UH, YOU KNOW THIS DAY
IS SLAMMED FOR ME, SO, UH...
307
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,799
>> Granny: OH, HE HAS A VERY
BUSY SCHEDULE.
308
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:01,667
>> Early: LET'S PUSH THIS HERE
BACK TO THURSDAY.
309
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,970
>> Sheriff: OH, OKAY, I --
>> Granny: EVERYBODY GOOD FOR
310
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,004
THURSDAY?
311
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,672
>> Early: THURSDAY ONLY, I WILL
WALK ON THE WATER.
312
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,475
THAT'S IT.
313
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,943
1st OF AUGUST?
314
00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:11,510
UH, NO.
315
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:12,979
NO, THAT ONE'S BUSY. TOO.
316
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:13,646
UH, 3rd -- 3rd OF AUGUST, YEAH.
317
00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:14,680
>> AUGUST 3rd, HUH? WELL...
318
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:17,350
>> Early: 3rd OF AUGUST --
EVERYBODY WRITE IT IN.
319
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,684
BOOK IT. IT'S HAPPENIN'.
320
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,786
HALLELUJAH!
321
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,459
WE'LL HIT 'ER HARD TOMORROW!
322
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:28,761
I DID NOT SAY AUGUST 3rd.
323
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:31,364
I SAID "AUGUST 4th."
324
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,432
BUT NOW IT'S THE 5th, SO I-I
RECKON WE MISSED IT.
325
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:35,501
>> Granny: I KINDA REMEMBER YOU
SAYIN' THE 3rd.
326
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:38,204
>> Early: I AIN'T GONNA DO IT
NOW, 'CAUSE YOU QUESTIONIN' ME.
327
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,475
NOBODY GETS TO SEE IT 'CAUSE OF
THIS OL' BITCH HERE.
328
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:44,176
LO, I HAVE DONE AND DONE IT!
329
00:10:44,276 --> 00:10:46,312
BOW DOWN AND KISS MY ASS!
330
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,213
I AM HE!
331
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,716
>> Granny: [ GASPS ]
I THINK THEY'RE GONE.
332
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,819
JESUS...
333
00:10:53,886 --> 00:10:54,687
{\an8}I'M RUNNIN' OUT OF AIR DOWN
HERE.
334
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:56,722
{\an8}>> Early: SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
335
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:57,857
{\an8}I DONE TOLD 'EM I'D WALK, NOT
STAND!
336
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:58,858
{\an8}YOU KEEP A-PADDLIN'!
337
00:10:58,958 --> 00:11:00,860
{\an8}>> Granny: THY WILL BE DONE.
338
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,295
{\an8}>> Early: Y'ALL KISS MY ASS!
339
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:04,697
{\an8}I AIN'T NEVER GONNA DIE!
340
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:06,866
{\an8}[ SPUTTERS ]
62354
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