All language subtitles for The Simpsons s36e15 Abe League of Their Moe.eng

[old-timey music playing]

-[bat cracks]
-[crowd cheering]

Yay! Another run for the Topes.

Why is everyone on the other
team old men and little kids?

[grandfather]
Well, little Abe, it's because

all the good players
in the league

are off fighting the war.

Our clever cowards found
a way out.

[announcer]
Now batting for Springfield,

Fake Cough Johnson.

Ooh, cough, cough.

[cheering]

Yippee!

-Yeah!
-Yay!

Someday you'll be sitting
in these very seats

enjoying baseball
with a grandson of your own.

I can't wait for that someday.

?

[groans]

I'm still waiting.

?

Bart, it's your grampa.

It's a beautiful day
for a ballgame.

Eh, baseball's
just a bunch of guys

in tight pants barely moving.

I can watch that here.

Marge, my stomach ate
my belt again.

Look under the fold.

I'm too a-scared.

Ah, I guess it's just me

and the self-storage units
again.

Dagnabbit!

Hey! Now we're cooking.

In the only way men should.

[Moe]
Yeah! Heh.

Another fan?

Want some company?

[Moe grumbles]

Oh, boy, I'll be right there!

[sighs]

Another tough one
for the Topes, huh?

Yeah, yeah, tough one.

We would've had a shot in '91

if Flash Lewis didn't
get arrested mid-game.

Oh, yeah, oh, that guy could
really steal bases.

And nitrous
from the dentist's office.

Hey, you want to have some fun
and, uh, help the team?

You suck!

My kidney stones move quicker
than your fastball.

You pitch worse
than Sandy Koufax on Yom Kippur.

Whatever the hell that is!

[grunts]

[laughs] We rattled him.

That wasn't because of you!

I'm having troubles
with my marriage.

Well, at least
you're striking out somewhere.

[both laughing]

-[pitcher grunts]
-[Moe] Oh!

I've never enjoyed
losing 14-1 more.

Misery isn't so bad
when you have company.

Yeah, hey, they should make
a saying about that.

Yeah, but they probably won't.

Mm.

Hey, listen, uh, if you, uh,

don't end up stroking out
in the next couple of days, uh,

maybe we could do this again?

Or not, or not.

Ooh, why do you have
to come on so hard, Moe?

Stupid, stupid, stupid-

-I'd love to.
-[spits]

Wha-?

Hey, that's great!

Hey, would it,
would it be okay if I added you

as a contact in my phone?

You'd be the first one.

And you'll be
my only living one.

? It's a beautiful day
for a ballgame ?

? For a ballgame today ?

? The fans are out
to get a ticket or two ?

? From Walla Walla, Washington,
to Kalamazoo. ?

[screams] My father?

My bartender?

The guy I'm gonna bury
and the guy who's gonna bury me?

I got to drink to forget this.

But where?

[yelps]

[announcer]
We interrupt the ninth inning

of this unprecedented
double perfect game

for breaking baseball news.

A once-in-a-generation prospect
is coming to the majors.

Macedonian two-way phenom,

Aeropos Walkov

will leave the Minsk Golems

to achieve his lifelong dream:

playing in the U.S.

Walkov developed
his unique two-handed

pitching style
at the age of six,

helping his father,
the village ratcatcher.

[Millar] Where he also developed
his immense power at the plate.

Gotti!

Every major league club
is gonna pull out all the stops

to get Walkov to sign.

Yeah, too bad the Topes can't
land a superstar like Walkov.

But Springfield ain't one
of them classy cities

like, uh,
Philadelphia or Anaheim.

If we started winning,
maybe my grandson

would finally
go to a game with me.

[sighs]

Suck that sigh right back
into your gobble shoot.

So what if our city's
a greased-stained

mattress graveyard?

Our team's got
passionate, dedicated fans.

We do?

Yeah, us, you lovable bag
of Alzheimer's.

What we got to do
is make a video

with a personal appeal
to that two-handed-throwing

Euro sasquatch.

But all the rich teams
are gonna do that, too.

Yeah, but what
they don't know is

is I speak
a pretty good Macedonian.

How? You barely speak English.

No offense!

Yeah, I learned it
from my grandmother.

[speaking Macedonian]

Yeah, nobody could put
a cigarette out

on the back of your neck
like Baba Branka.

[chuckles softly]
So what do you say?

Let's make a video!

Ah, geez, it's out of gas.

-?
-[goat bleating]

Hey, Walkov, Chris Rock here
to tell you why you should come

and play for my favorite team,
the New York Mets.

What a city!

Where else can you get
a sandwich at 3:00 a.m.

and a gun at the same bodega?

Oh.

Mr. Walkov, I'm Danny Trejo.

I have 468 credits on my IMDb.

So why don't you just be like me

and say yes to any job in L.A.?

Hmm.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Mm...

Mm-mm. Mm.

Hmm.

Hello, Mr. Walkov.

[speaking Macedonian]

The point is, you big,
beautiful, farm-fed foreigner...

Springfield.

Hearts.

[all]
Walkov!

[Moe]
Oh, my drone!

I was gonna use it
to see if the trees

I planted in erotic formations
have grown in.

[inhales]

[speaking Macedonian]

I am here
because of a beautiful video

made by these two men:

Corpse

and Gargoyle.

We did it!

We saved Springfield baseball!

[excited chatter]

Springfield baseball!

-[crashing]
-[groaning]

I gotta assume
that's a misunderstanding.

There's a superstar in
Springfield for the first time

since Bullseye the Target dog's

private plane
landed here to empty its trash.

Thanks to the newly signed
Walkov, baseball is back.

[all cheering]

And Mayor Quimby has sold off
every traffic light

in town to pay for renovations
to the ballpark.

[tires screech]

-Go Isotopes...
-[thuds]

["Take Me Out to the Ball Game"
playing in Macedonian]

?

Thanks for taking me to see
Walkov's first game, Grampa.

My grandson is going
to a game with me.

Now I can die less unhappy.

All because
of what youse and me did.

We're a great team,
like Martin and Lewis.

Thank you for noticing.

Wow, look at this place.

-[crowd clamoring]
-[Bart gasps]

The scoreboard's huge!

It's like everyone here
is looking at the same phone.

Still too small!

[announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen,

please rise
for our national anthem.

Ooh, I got to go translate
the anthem for Walkov.

It's kind of tough
'cause there's

no Macedonian word for "free."

Hey, you want to meet the big
teddy bear after the game?

Wow, you think I could?

Of course.
Walkov wouldn't even be here

if it weren't for your gramps.

And, in some sick way,
neither would youse.

Go ahead, kid,
show me you're a winner.

I heart Szyslak.

[grunts]

[crowd cheering]

-Attaboy!
-Yay!

[cheering, clamoring]

[laughing]

[cheering]

Starting off your Major League
career with a win?

That's got to be
a great feeling.

Just like when I played
for the Marlins.

[speaking Macedonian]

In Macedonia, our widows chant
mournful dirges

for your garbage Marlins.

Oh, where's Walkov going?

You said I could meet him.

Sorry, kids, the big lug's
teaching himself English

by watching Family Guy.

[Walkov]
Giggity, giggity.

I got to go.

It's a road trip
and I am traveling in style.

[chuckles]

Oh, I'm gonna be so regular.

[munching]

[announcer]
Walkov approaches the plate.

And here comes the pitch,
sponsored by Squatty Potty.

It's a long drive,
sponsored by Hankook tires.

Walkov makes it to third base,
sponsored by Trojan condoms.

Trojan,
for when she waves you in.

Wait a minute.

This game is
just one big commercial.

[announcer] Hey, this series of
sponsorships is sponsored by...

After a hard day turning
Macedonian into normal,

I wet my whistle with Gren-Aid.

[glugging]

Ka-boom drink.

Ah!

Ka-boom drink!

[organ playing]

?

?

Please accept
this traditional Macedonian vest

from Mr. Walkov in memory
of your meaningful tryst.

-[Walkov] Giggity.
-[woman giggles]

And so, after spending millions

of tax dollars
on the BALCO investigation,

not a single steroid abuser
was ever punished.

Oh, Grampa,
you and your stories.

I'm sorry, sir, you can't go in

unless you're a member
of the De Beers Diamonds

Diamond Club Gold.

?

But these seats have been
in my family for 80 years.

Section J.

Oh, yes,
you still sit in Section J.

[muttering]

Two hot dogs for me
and my grandson.

Oh, we don't sell hot dogs
anymore.

Cr�me br�l�e,
get your cr�me br�l�e here!

Served in a souvenir ramekin.

Seafood towers!

It ain't a ballgame
without a seafood tower.

Ortolan!

Brandy-drowned baby birds.

Comes with team logo napkin

to hide your shame from God.

[crunching]

[Krusty]
That's so wrong.

No hot dogs?!

Sit down,
you bandwagon betties!

Oh, is there any place left
that's just for only fans?

Aah!

Moe, you're not gonna believe

the way everything
has changed around here.

Abe, will you please?
I'm working here.

Walkov's doing
the product launch

of his caffeinated goat jerky.

[grunts]

Well, youse didn't hear it
from me,

but, uh, soon we'll be
branching out to llama.

[stammers]
What happened to that guy

that loved baseball so much

he taped over
the 1998 Westminster Dog Show

to make that video for Walkov?

Ah, the dogs weren't
that hot that year.

I'll tell you
what happened to that guy.

He sold out.

Oh, is that right?

You're right it's right.

They're putting ads
everywhere now.

Even on the bases.

[grunts]

Well, you're just jealous
that I'm Walkov's buddy.

That beautiful Balkan boy
loves me

and Springfield loves him.

But all this fiddle-faddle
that came with him

is bad for baseball!

Having empty stadiums
was bad for baseball.

Now they're packed,
making money wart over bunion.

And soon the league is
gonna expand to 50 teams.

They might even get one
in Tampa.

Well, I say I saved baseball,

and you were just
a bunch of sour grapes.

I wish I never let you
into my life or my phone!

-Ah! Consarn.
-[Moe] Ah.

What are you watching one of
your potato unboxing videos?

Whoa there.

Draft-Pigs?

Uh, that's a betting site.

Hey, gambling can
get you suspended.

-At least
you're not betting on base- -[phone chimes]

...ball! And you're betting
on the Topes?!

No! No, no, no!

[shouting in Macedonian]

I'm so sorry!

I go under instead of over!

Do you whip Walkov now?

How did this happen?

How did you even hear
about sports betting, anyway?

Oh.

Not giggity!

[Walkov crying]

Not giggity!

A subject line should be short.

You don't have to write

the whole email in there, okay?

Abe, we got to talk. In private.

Away from all of these,
these wrinkletons.

I got nothing to say to you.

Something horrible happened.

Walkov's gambling.

And he called a press conference
to come clean about it.

So why are you bothering me?

You got to help me talk him out
of telling the truth.

Everything's gonna disappear.

The team trips,

people calling me Mr. Creepo,

the steaks
with a little plastic cow

stuck in them saying
how it's been cooked.

I can't go back
to unlabeled steak!

[shouting]

So that's all you care about?

You don't give
a leprechaun's lick

about baseball
and now you want my help?

Well, tough tomboys.

Lisa, print out my email.

So it's ready for the email man.

That's not how it wor- [groans]

Okay.

Hiya, puppy.

I got some bad news
about the sport

you love as much as I do.

Turns out baseball breeds
nothing but snakes and scugs.

And Walkov is
the biggest rat of them all.

Walkov? Is he hurt?

That means I got an edge.

I got to lay down a bet now.

You're g-g-gambling?!

Of course, everybody else
is cashing in.

I'd be a sucker not to.

Where'd you ever get that idea?

I learned from watching Yu...

Darvish. Yu's covered the spread
in six straight starts.

How does a kid get
on a gambling site?

Easy, Dad helped me.

That's the thing
about furniture.

It has an agenda.

Oh, sweet tomboys!

-This is terrible!
-I know.

If the Phillies don't get
at least 3.5 runs today,

-I'll have to sell my bike.
-[groans]

-[camera shutters clicking]
-[speaking Macedonian]

Thank you for coming, but I have
something I need to confess.

Yeah, okay, he wants
to say that, uh,

well, he loves playing
here in Springfield

and, uh, what you call it,

oh, everybody should, uh,
buckle up on the way home.

Right? Click it or ticket, okay.

[shouting in Macedonian]

That's Macedonian
for "Go Topes."

[reporters murmuring]

Yeah, Steve Gelbs,
Draft-Pigs News.

Walkov, why are you crying
and whipping yourself?

Oh, Walkov's
just real excited, uh,

for the big series
in Pittsburgh.

And, um, oh, he's always wanted
to ride that, uh,

Duquesne Incline Funicular.

Matt Lauer,
Senior Baseball Correspondent

for BetBastards.com.

I think I can speak
for all of us when I say...

we completely buy
that explanation.

[murmuring agreement]

[crying]

Great, very good questions.

Hard-hitting.
See youse at the ballpark.

Wait one milk of magnesia
minute.

I have a question-
not for Walkov,

but for an old friend.

[gasps]

[chuckles] This is only
for credentialed press.

Shut up, skinny Weinstein.

What do you say when baseball's
unquenchable pursuit of greed

leads to a ten-year-old boy

gambling on your sport?

I'm just gambling till I get
myself out of this hole.

And then I'm going to quit.

[whimpering]

Until football starts.

Bart? Betting?

[moaning]

Walkov, who do you like
for the AFC South?

The Titans are plus 750.

No!

Oh, he's just
a sweet, innocent kid.

Just like Walkov,
and I've ruined 'em both.

Uh, the truth is...

-Walkov's been gambling.
-[gasping]

Yeah, youse is right
to gasp and murmur.

He's been betting
like a plumber on payday.

He's betting on baseball.

-[gasping]
-But baseball's this sport.

And it's all your fault.

Baseball used to be about men

making hundreds
of millions of dollars

to play a child's game.

And then
money came into the picture.

And now the whole league
is in bed with the bookies.

The teams, the stadiums,
even the networks.

But we always tell them
to gamble responsibly.

Oh, yeah, and I tell my
booze bags to drink responsibly.

[belches]

I'm... drunk.

Gambling's the top
of the food chain now.

Pays all your salaries.

But, hey, when a potato
out of dirt like Walkov

actually makes a bet, oh-ho-ho,

you hypocrites
pretend to be offended.

You've ruined the six-hour
sun slog between guys

that are too skinny for football

and too short for basketball

that used to deserve
to be called America's Pastime.

[ashamed murmuring]

Thanks, Moe.
You did save baseball.

Nah, we did.

After a thorough
45-minute investigation,

the commissioner's office has
determined that Aeropos Walkov

is completely innocent of
betting on baseball.

The guilty party was
determined to be

the disgraced former team
translator Moe Szyslak.

Looking for a fresh start,

Walkov has signed
an $800 million contract

with the newly renamed
San Francisco Draft-Pigs.

I rich here now.

Giggity!

[sighs] I guess when
you have to choose between

your moneymaker or your Moe,

the decision's pretty easy.

At least Bart
isn't gambling anymore.

Drinks are on me, boys.

Well, at least he's not losing.

[Bart chuckling]

[singing "Take Me Out to
the Ball Game" in Macedonian]

Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media
Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

[Jomboy] Photo shoot
taking place on the infield

and Gramps isn't having it.

"This isn't what I
bought a ticket for!

I didn't come to see ads
gettin' filmed!"

Throws the ticket on the field.

One poke, two poke, three pokes.

"Oh, I'm gonna have to turn
my hat around!"

"I'll turn my hat around!

"I hate all this marketing!
It's everywhere!

It's even on the bases!"

Throws the base.

"It's bad for baseball!"

And he says, "Okay."
One nose kiss,

two nose kisses,
three nose kisses.

They think he's done
with nose kisses.

He comes back for a fourth.

He says, "Oh,
you want to kiss my nose?"

He goes, "I'll throw my hat.

"I'll kick dirt on it
with my left foot.

"And then I'll eject you
from my phone

"and kick my hat
with the right foot.

I'm outta here."

Shh!

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