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1
00:00:03,858 --> 00:00:06,460
Okay, Calvin,
before we go in,
2
00:00:06,461 --> 00:00:08,129
let's make sure we have
our story straight.
3
00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:09,531
What story?
4
00:00:09,631 --> 00:00:12,067
We went to a sleazy casino
on the state line
5
00:00:12,167 --> 00:00:15,003
where your dad was
laundering stolen money,
6
00:00:15,104 --> 00:00:16,837
and now
he's in jail.
7
00:00:16,838 --> 00:00:18,506
End of story.
Okay.
8
00:00:18,507 --> 00:00:22,077
Calvin, my dad apologized
for getting us involved,
9
00:00:22,177 --> 00:00:24,413
and he did
take the fall.
10
00:00:25,247 --> 00:00:27,048
He didn't
take the fall.
11
00:00:27,149 --> 00:00:30,385
He did the crime.
He is the fall.
12
00:00:30,519 --> 00:00:31,520
Hold on.
13
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:33,088
Calvin, wait. Hold on.
14
00:00:33,188 --> 00:00:34,655
No, Cal...
15
00:00:34,656 --> 00:00:37,492
I need your advice on what
to do with my dad's money.
16
00:00:37,592 --> 00:00:39,128
I'm not giving you
advice, Dave.
17
00:00:39,228 --> 00:00:42,231
Okay, now, he did steal
the money, which is bad,
18
00:00:42,364 --> 00:00:45,900
but he stole the money from
bad people, which is good.
19
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,738
Also, he put the money in
an educational savings account
20
00:00:49,838 --> 00:00:51,106
for Grover,
so, I mean,
21
00:00:51,206 --> 00:00:53,074
two goods outweigh
one bad, right?
22
00:00:53,175 --> 00:00:55,777
David, I almost
got hemmed up
23
00:00:55,877 --> 00:00:58,580
by your dad
and his foolishness once.
24
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,514
I am not in it.
25
00:01:00,515 --> 00:01:02,284
So you think I should
give it back?
26
00:01:02,384 --> 00:01:07,054
I think that I'm never talking
about this again.
27
00:01:07,055 --> 00:01:08,257
I will move, Dave.
28
00:01:08,357 --> 00:01:10,959
Well, you've
threatened that before.
29
00:01:11,092 --> 00:01:12,461
I'll just follow you.
30
00:01:18,633 --> 00:01:20,502
Okay. (laughs)
One more.
31
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:22,737
(laughing)
All right, you go. Go, go.
Okay, okay, okay.
32
00:01:22,837 --> 00:01:23,938
Okay. All right.
33
00:01:24,072 --> 00:01:25,540
COURTNEY: Okay.
MARTY: You better go, girl.
34
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,342
You better go.
35
00:01:27,442 --> 00:01:29,110
(laughing):
Okay.
36
00:01:29,211 --> 00:01:30,812
(vocalizing)
37
00:01:33,114 --> 00:01:35,116
(screams)
38
00:01:36,418 --> 00:01:37,886
Uh...
39
00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:40,455
Dad. Good evening.
40
00:01:40,555 --> 00:01:45,126
Well, it certainly seems to
be a good evening for you.
41
00:01:45,227 --> 00:01:47,796
(laughs) Aw, that?
42
00:01:47,896 --> 00:01:50,299
No, uh...
That, uh, Courtney had a...
43
00:01:50,399 --> 00:01:53,934
eyelash on her lip, and I was
just helping her get it off.
44
00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,171
With your tongue?
No, I-I had to,
45
00:01:56,271 --> 00:01:57,706
I had to blow it like...
(blows) like--
46
00:01:57,806 --> 00:02:00,542
(stammers) No, Dad, wait, wait,
please, please, please.
47
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,311
Don't say anything to Mom.
48
00:02:02,411 --> 00:02:04,846
Courtney and I are in
a really delicate place,
49
00:02:04,946 --> 00:02:06,580
and we're not sure
where it's going.
50
00:02:06,581 --> 00:02:09,984
Nope, no need to explain.
All right? I'm not in it.
51
00:02:10,118 --> 00:02:11,653
Okay. (laughs)
52
00:02:11,753 --> 00:02:13,655
Ow!
53
00:02:13,788 --> 00:02:15,557
Ow!
54
00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:16,658
(grunts)
55
00:02:16,791 --> 00:02:18,593
Wow.
56
00:02:18,693 --> 00:02:21,663
You can tell that boy
ain't got none in a minute.
57
00:02:22,964 --> 00:02:24,999
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
58
00:02:25,133 --> 00:02:26,568
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
59
00:02:31,506 --> 00:02:35,210
Oh, Dave,
I'm so sorry.
60
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:38,746
Yeah. It's bad.
(sighs)
61
00:02:38,747 --> 00:02:41,015
You just got your dad
back in your life,
62
00:02:41,149 --> 00:02:43,084
and now, you're
losing him again.
63
00:02:43,184 --> 00:02:45,186
You poor, poor man.
(sighs)
64
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,289
Thanks, honey.
65
00:02:47,389 --> 00:02:48,323
So...
66
00:02:48,457 --> 00:02:50,492
I hate to even
bring this up, but...
67
00:02:50,625 --> 00:02:51,660
Are we gonna keep the money?
68
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,562
Are we?
69
00:02:54,329 --> 00:02:55,930
I want to so bad.
70
00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:57,298
Oh, not as bad
as I do.
71
00:02:57,299 --> 00:02:59,334
Oh, I love you.
I love you more.
72
00:03:00,168 --> 00:03:02,237
Um, but what do we tell Grover?
73
00:03:02,337 --> 00:03:04,439
Okay. All right. Uh... You know,
74
00:03:04,539 --> 00:03:05,807
I think we have
to tell him the truth.
75
00:03:05,907 --> 00:03:07,576
You know, if we're
morally comfortable
76
00:03:07,676 --> 00:03:09,010
with what we're
doing, well,
77
00:03:09,110 --> 00:03:10,679
we should be able
to explain that to him.
78
00:03:10,779 --> 00:03:14,615
Totally agree--
in theory-- but...
79
00:03:14,616 --> 00:03:16,985
I think the healthier
thing to do--
80
00:03:17,085 --> 00:03:19,621
for the child--
is...
81
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,222
to put a little spin on it
82
00:03:21,323 --> 00:03:24,192
till he's old enough to
understand the-the-the nuance.
83
00:03:25,126 --> 00:03:27,061
So, we'll lie.
I love you so much.
84
00:03:27,161 --> 00:03:28,830
I love you.
85
00:03:31,966 --> 00:03:34,436
Hey, break yourself, fool.
Oh, God!
86
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,205
Chili Mangold.
87
00:03:37,306 --> 00:03:39,308
You fall for that
every time, burrito.
88
00:03:39,408 --> 00:03:42,711
Uh, yup. And you do it
every time.
89
00:03:42,811 --> 00:03:43,845
What are you
doing here, man?
90
00:03:43,945 --> 00:03:45,447
What, I can't
stop by to see
91
00:03:45,547 --> 00:03:48,049
my old college roommate
for no reason?
No.
92
00:03:49,518 --> 00:03:52,120
You are here because
you want something
93
00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:54,556
or you want to rub my face
in something.
94
00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:56,090
Really, Malcolm?
95
00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:58,360
You think I would drive
all the way up here
96
00:03:58,460 --> 00:04:01,630
just to tell you I'm Mountain
West baseball coach of the year?
97
00:04:02,597 --> 00:04:05,567
You already know that.
(laughs)
98
00:04:07,235 --> 00:04:08,403
Yes, I do.
99
00:04:08,503 --> 00:04:10,339
(laughs)
100
00:04:10,439 --> 00:04:11,673
Whose Corvette is that?
101
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,107
You know whose Corvette
that is, baby.
102
00:04:13,241 --> 00:04:16,110
That's Chili Mangold's Corvette.
(laughing) Chili.
103
00:04:16,244 --> 00:04:18,246
All right.
What's up, Chili?
104
00:04:18,347 --> 00:04:20,815
Hey, still doing that
third person thing, I see.
105
00:04:20,915 --> 00:04:22,684
Hey, it's just Chili
being Chili, baby.
106
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:25,854
Good to see you, man.
It's been too long.
107
00:04:25,954 --> 00:04:28,256
Come on, you got to do it
for me.
No, no, no, no.
108
00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:29,958
Chili. Come on, Chili.
I'm not really feeling it. No.
109
00:04:30,091 --> 00:04:31,393
Come on. No.
Chili, you got to
hit the Wiggle.
110
00:04:31,493 --> 00:04:32,727
(overlapping chatter)
111
00:04:32,827 --> 00:04:35,897
Yeah.
You got to hit the Wiggle.
(laughs)
112
00:04:38,533 --> 00:04:40,268
There it is, baby.
113
00:04:40,369 --> 00:04:41,870
Wow.
114
00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:44,973
I don't know what this is,
but I want in.
115
00:04:46,908 --> 00:04:48,910
Dave, stop.
Uh-uh. Dave...
116
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:51,211
David, you... Yo, Dave.
MALCOLM: Dave, stop.
117
00:04:51,212 --> 00:04:54,582
Chili thinks this guy's got
that magic in his hips.
118
00:04:54,583 --> 00:04:55,817
DAVE:
Ha.
119
00:04:55,950 --> 00:04:58,620
All right, yeah.
Who's, uh, who's Chili?
120
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,790
He's Chili.
Chili calls himself Chili.
121
00:05:01,890 --> 00:05:04,726
Oh, well, Dave thinks
that is so cool.
122
00:05:05,894 --> 00:05:07,128
Look, I got to bounce.
123
00:05:07,228 --> 00:05:09,197
I'm scouting a catcher
at John Muir High,
124
00:05:09,297 --> 00:05:11,265
but, Malcolm, we got
to catch up, okay?
125
00:05:11,366 --> 00:05:14,503
Yeah, sure, sure. Um,
we should get dinner sometime.
126
00:05:14,603 --> 00:05:15,970
Hey, well, no time
like the present.
127
00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:18,407
Yeah, but-but-but-but,
you know, I got this thing
128
00:05:18,507 --> 00:05:19,808
that I got to do.
CALVIN: Oh, come on, man.
129
00:05:19,908 --> 00:05:22,310
Forget your thing.
How often is Chili in town?
130
00:05:22,444 --> 00:05:23,478
(laughs)
131
00:05:23,578 --> 00:05:24,946
You're coming over
for dinner tonight.
132
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:27,315
Hey, Chili could wiggle that
into his schedule, baby.
133
00:05:27,416 --> 00:05:29,017
(laughing)
134
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:33,921
His charm is infectious.
How can you not love that guy?
135
00:05:33,922 --> 00:05:36,157
How much time you got?
136
00:05:38,793 --> 00:05:41,962
Good morning, Miss Tina.
Hey.
137
00:05:41,963 --> 00:05:44,598
I'm just here to get
Daphne's toys from last night.
138
00:05:44,599 --> 00:05:46,099
Okay.
139
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,601
Beautiful day, huh?
140
00:05:47,602 --> 00:05:50,004
It's 50 degrees and overcast.
141
00:05:50,104 --> 00:05:52,474
That's earthquake weather.
142
00:05:52,574 --> 00:05:56,545
Well, it's been a while since
we had a good shake-up, right?
143
00:05:57,812 --> 00:06:01,148
When those tectonic plates
build up all that pressure,
144
00:06:01,149 --> 00:06:03,418
something's got to give.
145
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:07,422
Well, it's, um,
146
00:06:07,522 --> 00:06:09,891
nice to see you
in such a good mood.
147
00:06:10,024 --> 00:06:11,926
You've been
so stressed out lately.
148
00:06:12,026 --> 00:06:14,496
You've been wearing
your shoulders like earrings.
149
00:06:16,531 --> 00:06:17,699
Really?
Yeah.
150
00:06:17,799 --> 00:06:18,833
Oh, I guess I have been
151
00:06:18,933 --> 00:06:20,368
a little on
edge, but, hey,
152
00:06:20,502 --> 00:06:24,606
it's amazing what a good
night's sleep will do.
153
00:06:24,706 --> 00:06:26,841
Mm-hmm.
154
00:06:27,976 --> 00:06:30,378
Morning.
Good morning, Mr. B.
155
00:06:30,479 --> 00:06:33,214
I love that color on you.
156
00:06:35,383 --> 00:06:39,688
You two have a splendid day.
(laughs)
157
00:06:40,388 --> 00:06:43,023
Thank you. I-I think I will.
158
00:06:43,024 --> 00:06:44,726
(laughs) Okay.
159
00:06:48,029 --> 00:06:50,431
That girl's gone out
and got her some.
160
00:06:51,566 --> 00:06:54,001
What? What would
make you say that?
161
00:06:54,002 --> 00:06:55,669
Because I'm
a woman, Calvin.
162
00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:58,106
I know what the afterglow
looks like.
163
00:06:58,239 --> 00:06:59,673
Can't the girl
just be glowing?
164
00:06:59,674 --> 00:07:01,442
Uh-uh.
Not like that.
165
00:07:01,576 --> 00:07:03,011
You heard her say "splendid."
166
00:07:03,111 --> 00:07:04,845
You know the last time
I said "splendid"?
167
00:07:04,846 --> 00:07:08,449
You and I were naked
in that waterfall in Ocho Rios.
168
00:07:08,583 --> 00:07:09,884
Ah.
169
00:07:09,984 --> 00:07:13,054
It was pretty splendid.
(laughs)
170
00:07:13,154 --> 00:07:16,625
Ooh, poor Marty.
I wonder if he knows.
171
00:07:16,758 --> 00:07:18,326
I think he still has
feelings for her.
172
00:07:18,426 --> 00:07:20,561
Okay, Tina,
I'm not in it,
173
00:07:20,562 --> 00:07:24,332
and you're not in it,
so let's stay out of it.
174
00:07:25,133 --> 00:07:26,868
You know there's
no chance of that.
175
00:07:31,405 --> 00:07:33,741
Hey.
176
00:07:33,742 --> 00:07:34,976
Uh, is-is Grandpa here?
177
00:07:35,076 --> 00:07:39,080
No. Uh, see, Grandpa
stayed in-in Nevada.
178
00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:41,882
He loves the desert, and he's
thinking about living out there.
179
00:07:41,883 --> 00:07:45,052
Yeah, in a,
in a planned community.
180
00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:46,788
Uh, why is his car outside?
181
00:07:46,888 --> 00:07:49,791
(laughing):
Look at you, noticing things.
182
00:07:51,392 --> 00:07:53,995
Yeah, uh, well,
you see, Grover,
183
00:07:54,128 --> 00:07:56,897
uh, Lady Luck shined
upon your grandpa,
184
00:07:56,898 --> 00:07:59,099
and he hit the jackpot
in a casino,
185
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:00,635
so he bought
a new car.
186
00:08:00,769 --> 00:08:03,070
Oh, that's awesome. What-what
kind of car did he get?
187
00:08:03,071 --> 00:08:04,472
A Chevy...
188
00:08:04,606 --> 00:08:08,643
G... T... R...
That's enough letters.
189
00:08:10,812 --> 00:08:12,480
But don't worry,
he won't be gone forever.
190
00:08:12,581 --> 00:08:14,949
Okay, um,
maybe I'll text him.
191
00:08:15,049 --> 00:08:17,451
Oh, no, no, no. Don't do that.
No. Um...
192
00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:20,922
All right.
Are-are-are you two okay?
193
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:23,324
Yeah, we're fine. You okay?
(chuckles) Yeah.
194
00:08:23,457 --> 00:08:24,325
Yeah.
195
00:08:24,425 --> 00:08:27,829
Okay. Go do your thing.
196
00:08:29,263 --> 00:08:30,665
(sighs) That was close.
197
00:08:30,799 --> 00:08:33,234
This is the day he turns
into frickin' Columbo?
198
00:08:37,105 --> 00:08:38,506
Calvin.
199
00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:43,277
What, Dave?
200
00:08:45,847 --> 00:08:47,616
I think Grover's onto us.
201
00:08:50,018 --> 00:08:51,652
He is asking
a lot
202
00:08:51,653 --> 00:08:54,188
of questions about
what happened to his grandpa.
203
00:08:54,288 --> 00:08:56,858
First of all, there is no "us."
204
00:08:57,826 --> 00:09:00,394
Your son, your dad,
your business.
205
00:09:00,528 --> 00:09:03,031
No, no, no. It is
all of our business.
206
00:09:03,131 --> 00:09:04,632
If we tell Grover
the truth about the money,
207
00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:07,535
he is going to be an accomplice,
just like you and me.
208
00:09:07,636 --> 00:09:10,038
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
209
00:09:10,138 --> 00:09:12,841
You have me confused
with someone who's in it.
210
00:09:12,941 --> 00:09:14,876
But you agree
that we should keep it.
211
00:09:14,976 --> 00:09:16,377
I mean,
it's like you always say,
212
00:09:16,477 --> 00:09:18,412
"When it comes to money,
it's not where it's from,
213
00:09:18,546 --> 00:09:19,948
it's where it's at."
214
00:09:21,650 --> 00:09:23,117
I don't always say that.
215
00:09:23,217 --> 00:09:24,552
Yeah. (scoffs) But you're right.
216
00:09:24,653 --> 00:09:26,854
I don't think
I've ever said that.
217
00:09:26,855 --> 00:09:28,256
Okay.
218
00:09:28,389 --> 00:09:30,424
Calvin, the important thing
to remember is this:
219
00:09:30,558 --> 00:09:33,160
if Grover asks
you anything,
220
00:09:33,161 --> 00:09:36,530
my father is living in a planned
community in the desert,
221
00:09:36,631 --> 00:09:39,267
you don't know his
new phone number, and
222
00:09:39,367 --> 00:09:41,970
he has a new car, a Chevy GTR.
223
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:44,538
Chevy does not make a GT...
224
00:09:44,639 --> 00:09:46,775
O-Okay. Okay.
225
00:09:46,908 --> 00:09:48,810
I see what you're doing.
226
00:09:48,910 --> 00:09:51,612
I am not in it.
227
00:09:51,713 --> 00:09:54,749
And we're not talking
about this again.
Great.
228
00:09:54,849 --> 00:09:58,586
It's like you always say,
"Tight lips, tighter hips."
229
00:09:58,687 --> 00:10:01,122
I have literally
never said that.
230
00:10:07,428 --> 00:10:08,462
Oh, hey, Marty.
231
00:10:08,596 --> 00:10:09,798
Oh, hey, Mama.
232
00:10:09,898 --> 00:10:14,002
So...
233
00:10:16,304 --> 00:10:18,605
Courtney seems well.
234
00:10:18,606 --> 00:10:19,640
Oh, she does.
235
00:10:19,741 --> 00:10:21,342
Very well.
236
00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:23,812
Good for her.
237
00:10:23,912 --> 00:10:27,682
You know, has anything changed
in her social situation?
238
00:10:28,883 --> 00:10:31,485
Okay, okay, okay.
I did not want to get involved.
239
00:10:31,585 --> 00:10:33,421
I just don't want
to see you hurt.
240
00:10:33,521 --> 00:10:36,057
Well, I just saw her,
and I can tell.
241
00:10:37,025 --> 00:10:38,258
She's seeing someone.
242
00:10:38,259 --> 00:10:40,161
She seems
243
00:10:40,261 --> 00:10:43,998
very, very,
very, very happy.
244
00:10:44,098 --> 00:10:45,533
Really?
245
00:10:45,666 --> 00:10:47,635
But, baby, you do not
have to be brave
246
00:10:47,736 --> 00:10:49,170
in front of me, okay?
Okay.
247
00:10:49,303 --> 00:10:51,305
Let the hurt out.
Come on, come on.
Oh.
248
00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:53,374
Come on. Give Mommy some.
Oh.
249
00:10:53,474 --> 00:10:55,243
Oh, my poor baby.
250
00:10:57,011 --> 00:10:59,380
So what is your deal
with this Chili guy?
251
00:10:59,513 --> 00:11:01,682
You don't like him, but
you invite him over for dinner?
252
00:11:01,816 --> 00:11:04,352
No, Courtney.
I did not invite him.
253
00:11:04,452 --> 00:11:05,453
What I said was,
254
00:11:05,553 --> 00:11:07,188
"We should get dinner,"
255
00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:10,458
which everyone knows means
we should never get dinner.
256
00:11:11,726 --> 00:11:13,627
I mean, yeah,
what's not clear about that?
257
00:11:13,728 --> 00:11:15,163
It's like when me and you
go out to eat,
258
00:11:15,263 --> 00:11:16,663
and I say "We should
split the check." (chuckles)
259
00:11:16,664 --> 00:11:18,099
You know I ain't paying.
260
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,670
Well, exactly, but everyone
doesn't fawn all over you.
261
00:11:22,771 --> 00:11:25,206
Chili gets away with murder
because he's charming
262
00:11:25,306 --> 00:11:27,876
and he's...
he's got this inspiring story
263
00:11:27,976 --> 00:11:30,078
of coming over to America
when he was a child
264
00:11:30,178 --> 00:11:32,380
by stowing away
on a fishing boat.
265
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,382
Damn, Malcolm.
266
00:11:34,482 --> 00:11:36,217
Don't make a thug cry.
267
00:11:37,018 --> 00:11:41,655
Okay. Okay, fine, so he's got
a heartwarming story.
268
00:11:41,756 --> 00:11:43,656
So that means I'm just
supposed to overlook
269
00:11:43,657 --> 00:11:45,325
all the foul stuff
he's done to me?
270
00:11:45,326 --> 00:11:47,095
All the times
I covered for his ass?
271
00:11:47,195 --> 00:11:49,197
And yet, he's the one that
gets blessed with everything.
272
00:11:49,297 --> 00:11:52,901
Yeah, that's true. And he's
always doing better than you.
273
00:11:53,001 --> 00:11:54,903
(scoffs)
274
00:11:55,003 --> 00:11:57,271
Hey, everybody. Oh.
Hey.
275
00:11:57,371 --> 00:11:58,973
Malcolm, Mom wants you
to go to Bristol Farms
276
00:11:59,073 --> 00:12:01,109
and get that French sour cream
for the baked potatoes.
277
00:12:01,209 --> 00:12:03,277
(laughs) Of course, because
278
00:12:03,411 --> 00:12:05,712
Heaven forbid
the great Chili Mangold
279
00:12:05,713 --> 00:12:07,514
eats domestic sour cream.
280
00:12:07,515 --> 00:12:10,217
(laughs) Meanwhile,
281
00:12:10,218 --> 00:12:13,020
your mom gives me a cold
Pop-Tart and calls it breakfast.
282
00:12:13,021 --> 00:12:14,122
She wrong for that.
283
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,723
Man, you love
Pop-Tarts.
284
00:12:15,824 --> 00:12:18,626
Yeah, the ones with frosting,
and she knows that.
285
00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:24,531
Oh, she is sound asleep.
Courtney,
286
00:12:24,532 --> 00:12:25,899
we have a problem.
287
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:29,702
My mom knows that
you've been pleasured.
288
00:12:29,703 --> 00:12:31,105
Excuse me?
289
00:12:31,239 --> 00:12:35,176
Sexually. Apparently,
it is all over you.
290
00:12:37,946 --> 00:12:39,212
I shouldn't have
gone over there.
291
00:12:39,213 --> 00:12:40,547
What was
I thinking?
292
00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:41,983
That lady can see
right through me.
293
00:12:42,116 --> 00:12:43,818
She knew I was pregnant
before I did.
294
00:12:43,918 --> 00:12:44,918
Calm down.
295
00:12:44,919 --> 00:12:46,254
I mean, we did a thing,
296
00:12:46,354 --> 00:12:47,788
but we don't even know
if we are a thing.
297
00:12:47,889 --> 00:12:49,089
And now, she's gonna
make it a huge thing.
298
00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:50,458
No, no, no, no.
The good news is,
299
00:12:50,558 --> 00:12:51,960
she doesn't know
that you hooked up with me.
300
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:53,995
All she knows is that
it was with someone
301
00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:56,764
who is great at sex.
302
00:12:57,966 --> 00:13:00,068
Get over yourself.
303
00:13:00,168 --> 00:13:02,971
I'm just saying, we just got to
keep it cool for dinner tonight.
304
00:13:03,071 --> 00:13:05,139
I know it might be hard,
but could you just try
305
00:13:05,239 --> 00:13:08,575
not to act like you didn't get
your world completely rocked.
306
00:13:08,576 --> 00:13:10,845
(laughs)
Okay.
307
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,116
Chili Sauce. Hey, man.
You know what?
308
00:13:15,216 --> 00:13:17,986
Out of all of Malcolm's friends,
you're my favorite.
309
00:13:18,086 --> 00:13:19,487
Oh.
Hands down.
310
00:13:19,587 --> 00:13:21,822
I'm standing
right here.
311
00:13:22,857 --> 00:13:24,825
I said what I said, Trey.
312
00:13:25,659 --> 00:13:27,028
TINA:
So, Chili,
313
00:13:27,128 --> 00:13:28,396
so good to have you.
314
00:13:28,496 --> 00:13:31,866
Um, so tell me,
what is Shohei Ohtani like?
315
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:33,600
MALCOLM:
(laughs) Mama.
316
00:13:33,601 --> 00:13:37,005
Chili played two seasons
with the Mariners ten years ago.
317
00:13:37,138 --> 00:13:38,105
He does not know
Shohei.
318
00:13:38,106 --> 00:13:41,009
Oh...
Actually, I do.
319
00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,278
I also played a few
seasons in Tokyo.
320
00:13:44,378 --> 00:13:46,380
TINA: Really?
Even picked up
a little Japanese.
321
00:13:46,514 --> 00:13:48,682
Oh. Domo arigato.
322
00:13:48,816 --> 00:13:51,685
(speaks Japanese)
323
00:13:51,785 --> 00:13:54,355
(laughing) Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
324
00:13:56,257 --> 00:13:57,191
Hey.
325
00:13:57,291 --> 00:14:00,328
Oh, uh, Gemma, Grover,
meet Chili.
326
00:14:00,428 --> 00:14:02,863
(gasps) Oh, Dave's been doing
your wiggle all day.
327
00:14:02,964 --> 00:14:05,499
Oh, he is quite the dancer.
328
00:14:05,599 --> 00:14:07,568
He's... (laughs) Sure.
329
00:14:08,469 --> 00:14:11,405
Wait, so... so my dad
said you were a mariner?
330
00:14:11,505 --> 00:14:12,406
Yeah, that's right.
331
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:13,741
Ah, that's so cool.
332
00:14:13,841 --> 00:14:14,975
What kind of boat did you have?
Oh.
333
00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:16,710
Excuse me?
334
00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:18,712
He's not into
sports so much.
335
00:14:18,812 --> 00:14:20,081
Uh, was it a schooner?
Oh.
336
00:14:20,214 --> 00:14:22,516
Um...
337
00:14:23,417 --> 00:14:26,686
Marty, are-are you using
a new sort of facial scrub?
338
00:14:26,687 --> 00:14:27,854
No, why?
339
00:14:27,855 --> 00:14:30,124
'Cause you
are glowing.
340
00:14:33,027 --> 00:14:35,529
You're getting it
from somewhere.
341
00:14:38,099 --> 00:14:41,168
(yelps) What are you
doing? Get away.
342
00:14:41,169 --> 00:14:42,370
Get away.
343
00:14:42,470 --> 00:14:43,737
What?
344
00:14:43,871 --> 00:14:46,240
Dave just told me
I was glowing.
345
00:14:46,374 --> 00:14:47,908
Well, I guess
you've been
346
00:14:48,042 --> 00:14:50,144
pleasured sexually, too.
(laughing)
347
00:14:51,512 --> 00:14:53,781
It's all over you.
348
00:14:53,914 --> 00:14:56,117
Okay, okay, all right.
I'm establishing
349
00:14:56,217 --> 00:14:59,787
a 15-foot perimeter.
Do not violate it.
350
00:15:00,588 --> 00:15:01,789
Radius or diameter?
351
00:15:01,922 --> 00:15:04,258
You know damn well
I meant diameter.
352
00:15:05,026 --> 00:15:07,360
Ooh, ooh, Calvin. Calvin.
Quick word.
353
00:15:07,361 --> 00:15:08,596
What?
354
00:15:08,696 --> 00:15:09,863
I know Dave's kept
you in the loop
355
00:15:09,964 --> 00:15:11,265
on our little
money situation.
356
00:15:11,365 --> 00:15:13,467
Uh, yeah, and I'm trying
to stay out of the loop.
357
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:15,936
I know, I know. I just,
I want to reiterate
358
00:15:16,070 --> 00:15:19,307
how important it is that you
don't say a word to Grover.
359
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,976
Right. Right, right,
right, right.
360
00:15:22,076 --> 00:15:23,911
You-you know what?
I'm glad you reminded me
361
00:15:24,012 --> 00:15:27,080
because Grover and I were going
bar-hopping tonight,
362
00:15:27,081 --> 00:15:29,683
and, um, after
a couple of longnecks,
363
00:15:29,783 --> 00:15:30,883
who knows
what I might say?
364
00:15:30,884 --> 00:15:32,720
Okay.
You know.
365
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:33,954
Hey, Calvin, remember
366
00:15:34,055 --> 00:15:35,956
we went to see
Malcolm and Chili
367
00:15:36,057 --> 00:15:39,260
play against UCLA, and Chili
hit that walk-off homer?
368
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,129
Oh, my God.
CALVIN: Oh, yeah.
369
00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:43,230
That's when he did the dance
at the plate.
370
00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:44,999
They showed it on TV
and everything.
371
00:15:45,099 --> 00:15:46,734
Yup, yup.
The Chili Wiggle.
372
00:15:46,834 --> 00:15:49,070
Oh, that wiggle?
(overlapping chatter)
373
00:15:49,170 --> 00:15:51,938
Come on, Malcolm,
Wiggle with us.
374
00:15:51,939 --> 00:15:55,243
No, no, no, no.
Stop it. Stop it.
375
00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:56,944
Dave, for the love of God.
376
00:15:58,779 --> 00:16:02,816
There is no Chili Wiggle, okay?
It's the Malcolm Wiggle.
377
00:16:02,950 --> 00:16:05,319
It was my thing.
I used to do it in the dugout,
378
00:16:05,419 --> 00:16:08,589
and then Chili did it on ESPNU,
and suddenly, it's his thing.
379
00:16:08,689 --> 00:16:11,692
Y'all just don't get it.
He didn't just take my dance.
380
00:16:11,792 --> 00:16:13,927
One time, he was about
to flunk out of school,
381
00:16:14,028 --> 00:16:16,030
and he stole my term paper
and put his name on it.
382
00:16:16,164 --> 00:16:18,266
Yeah, but y'all think
he walks on water,
383
00:16:18,366 --> 00:16:21,169
but it's not true. I had
to bail him out constantly.
384
00:16:21,302 --> 00:16:24,004
No, it's true.
It's true.
385
00:16:24,105 --> 00:16:26,840
One time, I took a credit card
out in Malcolm's name,
386
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:29,210
and we still owe Circuit City
$180 bucks.
387
00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:31,045
(Calvin and Chili laugh)
388
00:16:31,179 --> 00:16:33,113
That's not funny, Pop.
389
00:16:33,114 --> 00:16:35,849
He's right, it's not, amigo.
390
00:16:35,949 --> 00:16:38,686
And that's just one of the many
times I screwed over my friend.
391
00:16:38,786 --> 00:16:40,953
You see? Finally,
the truth comes out.
392
00:16:40,954 --> 00:16:42,956
Yes. And the truth is...
Mm.
393
00:16:45,159 --> 00:16:46,260
...I'm an alcoholic.
394
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,297
There you go. (laughing)
Malcolm Wiggle.
395
00:16:49,397 --> 00:16:51,232
Do the Malcolm.
396
00:16:55,403 --> 00:16:56,904
You say what now?
397
00:16:58,872 --> 00:17:00,474
That's the reason I'm here.
398
00:17:00,574 --> 00:17:01,742
I'm in a
12-step program,
399
00:17:01,875 --> 00:17:04,245
and I came to make amends
with Malcolm.
400
00:17:04,345 --> 00:17:06,046
I'm sorry, brother.
401
00:17:06,147 --> 00:17:08,149
CALVIN: Aw.
Aw, Chili.
CHILI: For everything.
402
00:17:08,249 --> 00:17:09,783
So brave.
I mean, it's tough, man.
403
00:17:09,883 --> 00:17:12,920
You know, drinking is...
Y'all have got to be
kidding me.
404
00:17:14,588 --> 00:17:16,857
So you're not here
for a scouting trip?
405
00:17:16,957 --> 00:17:20,060
No. Don't be crazy. I got people
that do that for me.
406
00:17:20,728 --> 00:17:23,330
It's just, it's so great
to unburden, yes?
407
00:17:23,331 --> 00:17:25,199
If there's one thing
I've learned
408
00:17:25,299 --> 00:17:26,866
from my sponsor,
Robert Downey Jr., it's...
409
00:17:26,867 --> 00:17:28,835
Uh, okay, wow. (laughs)
410
00:17:28,836 --> 00:17:30,704
Isn't that
supposed to be anonymous?
411
00:17:30,804 --> 00:17:33,507
You're right. RDJ taught me...
412
00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:36,744
...the best part
about being sober is
413
00:17:36,877 --> 00:17:39,512
you can finally stop
with all the lies.
Mm.
414
00:17:39,513 --> 00:17:41,649
The lies we tell other people.
415
00:17:41,749 --> 00:17:43,351
The lies we tell ourselves.
416
00:17:43,451 --> 00:17:45,186
OTHERS:
Wow.
417
00:17:48,322 --> 00:17:51,592
Chili, would you eat a
Pop-Tart without frosting?
418
00:17:51,692 --> 00:17:54,894
No, I don't think
I would, amigo.
Yeah.
419
00:17:54,895 --> 00:17:58,466
You hear that,
Dave? Gemma?
420
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:01,835
The lies you tell yourselves.
421
00:18:03,937 --> 00:18:05,773
What lies?
422
00:18:06,274 --> 00:18:09,310
(sighs) Okay, fine.
423
00:18:09,443 --> 00:18:11,512
Grover, we should talk.
424
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:14,548
We have some bad news
about Grandpa.
425
00:18:14,648 --> 00:18:15,949
Is-is he dead?
426
00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:19,687
Oh. No. Actually, we have
some good news, then. Come on.
427
00:18:22,122 --> 00:18:23,224
TINA:
Calvin.
428
00:18:23,324 --> 00:18:24,525
Um...
429
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:27,495
I just cannot stand
seeing Marty like this.
430
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,230
Like what?
431
00:18:31,365 --> 00:18:36,003
Well, he's so upset,
he can't even be near Courtney.
432
00:18:36,103 --> 00:18:38,572
I think it's messed up for her
to hang around here
433
00:18:38,672 --> 00:18:41,342
and play with Marty's emotions.
I'm gonna tell her.
434
00:18:41,475 --> 00:18:42,909
No, no, don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't.
435
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:45,346
Look, I tried
to stay out of it,
436
00:18:45,446 --> 00:18:48,048
but it looks like I got
to be all up in it.
437
00:18:48,148 --> 00:18:49,949
Okay. What?
438
00:18:49,950 --> 00:18:51,485
All right, now, Tina,
what I'm about to tell you
439
00:18:51,585 --> 00:18:53,053
stays between us.
Okay.
440
00:18:53,153 --> 00:18:56,088
But you were right,
Courtney is getting some.
441
00:18:56,089 --> 00:18:58,091
I knew it.
442
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:00,661
From Marty.
443
00:19:00,761 --> 00:19:02,496
God is so good.
444
00:19:02,630 --> 00:19:06,166
Oh. (laughs)
Oh, okay, all right, all right,
okay, put your arms down.
445
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:08,536
Now, Marty and Courtney
will tell everybody
446
00:19:08,636 --> 00:19:09,537
when they are ready.
447
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,705
Okay, okay, I got it.
Okay.
448
00:19:11,839 --> 00:19:13,841
I know how to be cool,
you know.
449
00:19:15,008 --> 00:19:16,776
So...
(screams)
450
00:19:16,777 --> 00:19:21,314
(laughs) So good to see y'all
here tonight, together.
451
00:19:21,315 --> 00:19:23,817
You know, for Chili. (laughs)
(laughs awkwardly)
452
00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:26,086
Well, y'all enjoy, okay?
Have fun.
Okay.
453
00:19:26,186 --> 00:19:28,055
Okay.
(laughing)
454
00:19:32,393 --> 00:19:33,761
Yeah...
455
00:19:33,861 --> 00:19:35,696
BOTH:
She knows.
456
00:19:36,464 --> 00:19:37,997
Dad, I can't believe
you told Mom.
457
00:19:37,998 --> 00:19:41,668
Look, she's your mother,
but she's my wife.
458
00:19:41,669 --> 00:19:44,572
And you're not the only one
that wants that glow.
459
00:19:54,114 --> 00:19:57,251
So... it's okay to steal?
460
00:19:57,351 --> 00:20:00,454
See, that's the great thing.
We didn't steal.
DAVE: Mm-mm.
461
00:20:00,554 --> 00:20:02,656
We just accepted money
that was stolen.
462
00:20:02,756 --> 00:20:05,058
Stolen from
bad people.
463
00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:08,429
And wouldn't giving it
back to them
464
00:20:08,529 --> 00:20:09,897
be worse than
keeping it ourselves?
465
00:20:10,030 --> 00:20:11,965
Plus, they're
all dead.
466
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,269
I should've mentioned that part.
467
00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:17,438
I mean, we're not gonna give
money back to dead bad guys.
468
00:20:17,538 --> 00:20:18,772
That'd be silly.
Yeah.
469
00:20:19,773 --> 00:20:23,777
The point is, is that money
is gonna pay for your education.
470
00:20:23,877 --> 00:20:26,380
And you're gonna
clean that dirty money
471
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,282
by doing something good with it.
472
00:20:28,416 --> 00:20:30,183
Like, you know,
going to college
473
00:20:30,284 --> 00:20:32,051
and discovering
a cure for a cancer.
474
00:20:32,052 --> 00:20:35,323
Not all cancers,
just one is plenty.
475
00:20:35,423 --> 00:20:37,223
Or something environmental.
476
00:20:37,224 --> 00:20:39,893
Like, fighting climate change,
that's a good one.
GEMMA: Mm.
477
00:20:39,993 --> 00:20:42,029
Wait, so...
478
00:20:42,129 --> 00:20:44,765
Grandpa stole this money?
DAVE: Mm-hmm.
479
00:20:44,865 --> 00:20:47,635
And you guys took it
and because of that
480
00:20:47,735 --> 00:20:48,869
I got to fix the whole world?
481
00:20:48,969 --> 00:20:51,138
Good deal, right?
482
00:20:51,905 --> 00:20:55,042
Man... Life is so unfair.
483
00:21:00,548 --> 00:21:02,583
Captioning sponsored by
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484
00:21:02,683 --> 00:21:04,417
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485
00:21:04,418 --> 00:21:06,954
Captioned by
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486
00:21:06,954 --> 00:21:11,954
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487
00:21:06,954 --> 00:21:16,954
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