All language subtitles for The Neighborhood S07E10 - Welcome to the Pickle (2) (Awafim.tv)

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So, our new neighbors--

is it that Zak has two wives

or that each woman has
a wife and a husband?

Maybe Sara and
Allison are in love

and they just found a guy
to fix stuff.

Looks like they're
going somewhere.

Mm. Probably
some weird supermarket

that caters to
three-way relationships.

Why would they have that?

I don't know, Calvin.

I have one husband
and you have one wife.

You got that? Till death.

And even after.

Yeah. I mean, two wives.

Could you imagine how long
this poor guy's in Target?

The logistics
must be complicated.

Who do you think sleeps
in the middle of the bed?

I mean, if the middle person
has to pee,

do they have
to crawl off the end?

I bet they have

at least a California king.

Me and Tina got
a California king.

And it's full.

So don't get any ideas.

Hey, hey.
Hey. Hello, hello.

Hi, baby.
Hey, Mom.
CALVIN: Hey, Marty,

you're a scientist.

Would you tell your mother

that orgies aren't contagious?

Orgies?

No, no, no. N-Not orgies.

You know our new neighbors?

Zak and Sara.
Yeah, Zak and Allison.

Who's Allison?
Who's Sara?

Now you're caught up.
DAVE: Yeah.

Well, it turns out
they're a throuple.

Is that a real word
or did you just make that up?

Eh, either answer will upset me.

Oh, Mama, it's 2025.

Those types of,
uh, relationships

are not a big deal.

It's just one iteration
of a modern,

ethical nonmonogamous polycule.

(Calvin chuckles)

You know, you can use all
the fancy words you want.

That ain't nothing
but a old-school freak-fest.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪

So, Courtney and her mom
in Laguna Beach

for the whole week?
(chuckles)
Yeah.

Are you gonna miss your baby?

Oh. I mean, I wouldn't exactly
call her my baby. I mean,

sure, we are raising
a child together.

But I-I don't think we're
ready for, like, pet names

or titles or anything.

No, no, no.
'Cause I was talking

about your actual baby.

Daphne. My niece.

Uh, yeah. Of... Daph-Daphne.
Of course. (chuckles)

Here you go.
Oh, thanks.

And I'm sorry,
I couldn't help overhearing--

you have a baby?

Oh, yeah. Check it out.

Isn't she cute?
Oh.

So cute.

So where is she going
to preschool?

What?
(chuckles)

She's only five months old.

You know, it's a little early
for preschool.

But she is enrolled
somewhere, right?

What are you asking?

I've already applied my little
Charles to three schools.

They fill up so fast.

His safety school
is in Orange County.

God forbid.

Okay. Uh...
(clears throat)

I'm just the uncle,
but, uh... (chuckles softly)

we are just talking
about preschool here, right?

Preschools that feed into
the best elementary schools.

And if you don't get
into one of those,

you can forget
about Harvard Law.

Courtney and I
just started Mommy and Me.

We had no idea we were behind.

Our daughter
doesn't even have a tooth.

Many of my friends, they
submitted their applications

before they even
conceived, so...

(stammers)

Many of her friends sound crazy.

I don't think
it's crazy at all.

Other babies are trying
to steal Daphne's spot

at an Ivy League-accredited
nursery.

(singsongy):
Hello.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Dave, right?

Do you and Calvin
have a pickleball match?

Uh, that's the thing-- Calvin
will not be playing anymore.

But I wanted Zak and Sara
to know that I am still in.

For pickleball.

Ah.

Well...

since I have you alone,

could I ask you something?

Yeah, sure.

It's a little awkward.

I hope you can be discreet.

I'm not used
to being this forward.

Oh, boy.

I was worried this might happen.

(stammers)

I understand, obviously, that I

exude a certain

sexual energy...

...that is difficult--

nay, impossible-- to resist.

And while I'm
not judging

your personal choice
to live in a polycule...

(chuckles softly) you should
know that I'm a married man--

nay, happily married man.

(laughing): Oh, my God.

You think I'm hitting on you?

It's not that funny.

(clearing throat)
No.

No, you're right.
It just struck me as ridiculous.

We were actually thinking
about Calvin.

Calvin?

I know he's married,

but is he open-minded?

Cavlin would die
before he cheated on Tina.

Maybe because
she would kill him.

He wouldn't be cheating.

If she wanted to be a part
of it, she could be, too.

Okay. Let me...
So, so...

So I'm not involved
in any version of this?

(humming)
Ooh. Malcolm. Malcolm,

do you have any connections
to any famous people?

Like the mayor or Mark Cuban?

Michelle Obama?

(chuckles)

Yeah, Marty, let me hit them up
in the group chat.

Don't toy with me, Malcolm.

I need a letter
of recommendation

to get Daphne into
these elite preschools.

You should see this application.

Uh, Marty, you are
a scientist, man.

You remember
what preschool we went to?

Our grandmama's house.

Okay?

And we turned out just fine.

We learned everything
a two-year-old needs to know.

Look, man, all I remember

is I was the only four-year-old
watching Guiding Light.

I loved Reva Shayne.

But I want more
than that for Daphne.

Wait, wait. Okay.

What preschool
is this anyway?

The Center for Early Excellence.

Yes. U.S. News & World Report
ranked The Center

the number one school
in California

for students under four.

Where's my wallet?
Whoa. Uh, why?

Because you have to pay the
application fee just to visit.

What?
Marty, that is a scam.

Look, why don't you go talk
to Gemma, all right?

Ask her about it
before you give somebody

your credit card number.

'Kay. That's a good idea.

But we should hurry.

'Cause I just gave it.

Marty.

("Car Wash"
by Rose Royce playing)

Wow.

You are

putting on quite the show.

'Scuse me?

I'm just saying--

out here,

flaunting what you got.

All glistenin'.

Uh, what-what makes you think
you can talk to me like that?

I'm sorry. Look, apparently,
you can't help it.

You've got raw animal magnetism.

Again,

what makes you think
you can talk to me like that?

Calvin.

They want you.

Who?

The throuple.

The polycule.

Wait.

They said that?

I know.

I couldn't believe
it either.

I mean, it's-it's
not hard to believe.

I mean, who wouldn't want
a chocolate bear claw like me?

You know?

Hey, guys.

Nothing.

We didn't ask you anything.

Huh. What's going on?

Nothing.

CALVIN:
Look, Tina,

apparently, things have gotten

a little more complicated
with our new neighbors.

How so?

Well, the throuple...

(smacks lips)
they want your boy to...

join they little thing.
You know.

I-I knew it.

I knew it.

Tina, calm down.

Uh, maybe it's just
a misunderstanding.

Oh, no, no, no.
It is not a misunderstanding.

They said they want Calvin

and they didn't want me.

Can you believe that?

Of course.
Yeah, sure.
No.

Okay, all right, look.

On the bright side,

you have nothing
to worry about.

The throuple is no threat
to our relationship.

Phew.

I told you, Calvin.
What?

I told you they were freaks.

What are you out here doing?

Shaking what
your mama gave you.

What-what are you doing?

Playing with the hose.

Listen, man,
cover yourself up.

You know, I'm going
over there

and I'm gonna tear
those freaks three new ones.

Tina, slow down, all right?

Let me and Dave handle this.

All right? We'll
just go over there

and we'll let 'em know
that we are just normal,

traditional, old-school
neighbors. Nothing more.
Mm-hmm.

Okay?
You go over there and you say
what you got to say

and you get your butt
right back here.

All right.

Don't lollygag
and don't dillydally.

Huh.

All right. Tina,

don't worry. Look,
they're not gonna gobble up

your sweet little
chocolate bear claw.

What makes you think you can
talk about my husband like that?

Okay, Marty,
deep breath.

I know these applications
are stressful,

but everything's gonna work out.

Yeah, but you don't know
how hard it is

to get into The Center.

The Center for Early Excellence?

Yeah. Girl...
You didn't tell me
it was The C-double-E!

Everybody wants
to get in there.

Oh, dear God,
not you, too, Gemma.

Okay, first
question,

"What has your child contributed
to their community?"

Are you kidding me?

The only question on a preschool
application should be

"Are you a baby?"

Okay, here's what you write.
Okay.

"Daphne's a real go-getter.

"She's naturally curious,

and she's passionate about
her ocean-themed crib mobile."

That tells 'em
she cares about the environment

but she's not, like,
in your face with it.

"What are your child's
special abilities?"

Ooh. I know. (laughs)

She can chew on her toes.

Okay, you know what?
Yeah.

Let's take this in
the other room, Gemma.

Malcolm, when
Daphne's older,

I'm-a tell her you
didn't believe in her.

(both moaning)

Oh, that's great.

Oh, it feels so good. Oh.

(clears throat)

Oh. Calvin!

(chuckles)

Dave.

Hey, Zak, hey.

Look, uh, we need
to talk a-about things.

Yeah, sure thing, neighbor.

Good. Good.

That's it right there.
That's it.

That's exactly
how I'd like to keep it.

You know, just neighbors.

Okay.

And-and I am flattered,

Okay? You got

good taste,
my man. (laughs)

Very limited taste,
but whatever.

David, come on.

Look, here's the thing, Zak.

Um, I'm a happily married man.

And I've got more woman
than I can handle

as it is right now.

(chuckles)

You came over
to tell us that?

Yeah. Yeah.

And I can see
your disappointed, Sara,

so, um...

Just hope there's
no hard feelings.

DAVE:
Yeah, no hard feelings
from me, either.

Not that anyone asked.

Even though I still have
all my hair, all my teeth.

And do you know how rare it is
for a man my age

to be able to do a backflip?

Dave. Come on.
Dave, come on.

What's going on here?

Oh, well, uh,

look, I know
that you guys want me

to be a part of your little
"situation" here.

And by "situation," you mean...?

Your-your group,
your team activities.

You know, the way
you guys intertwine.

Oh. So, you think
because we're polyamorous,

we want just anybody
and everybody to join in?

Well, I wouldn't
consider myself anybody.

I mean, hell,

Allison invited me.

Allison?
Wait. What?

Okay, yes, I invited him.

How could you do that
without consulting us?

I just wanted a little attention
from you two for once.

Obviously, I would never
invite him in a million years.

Uh, a million years?
That's a lot.

Isn't this insane?
I told you you had to see it.

Was that Harry Connick Jr.
in the hallway?

Yes. He teaches tambourine.

I'm telling you, man.

This gonna open doors for Daphne
we didn't even know existed.

Hello. Who might we be?

Ah. Uh, we be Marty Butler
and this is my brother Malcolm.

Oh, Daphne's father.
Yes.

Oh, her application
was very impressive.

Yeah, her curiosity
about climate change

really came across.

She understands our
children are our future.

Yes.

Because she is a child.

(laughs)
(laughs)

Don't make me regret
bringing you here, Malcolm.

Like I regret coming?
(clears throat)

Uh, this-this is just
a big change for us.
Oh.

'Cause our preschool
was Guiding Light.

Oh, I don't know that one.
Is that in Pasadena?

No, no. Uh, CBS.

All you and Zak
ever do is play pickleball.

I hate that stupid game.

Why didn't you just
talk to us?

I can't talk to you.

You spend all day
on this court.

Hiyah!

Okay, you have been

at this freak show way too long.
Come on, let's go.

Uh, Tina, calm down.

And Gemma, please,
I don't want to hear...

Did Gemma not come with you?

She said she trusts you.

Tru... Okay,
there is trust,

and then there is
blatant disrespect.

Listen, you three.

You think you can
compete with this? Okay?

This is my husband
and I don't share.

Okay, uh, Tina, look,
there's been a misunderstanding.

They don't even want me.

Who don't want you?

Well, how the hell
they not gonna want you,

as fly as you are?

Yeah, see? Y'all tripping.

You see what
you did?

You got our whole neighborhood
in an uproar.

Well, this is what it takes
to make you realize I'm alive.

I am sick of being
taken for granted.

Okay, FYI,

I am not kidding
about the backflip.

You're being taken for granted?

I made your favorite lasagna
the other night.

No thank you, no nothing.

Yeah, and I scraped off that
casserole dish for an hour,

but I guess I'm just your maid.

You could just put it
in the dishwasher.

Oh, you think that cheap
dishwasher you bought

is gonna take off burnt ricotta?

Burnt?

That is my mother's recipe.
Oh, get over yourself.

How dare you?
Your mother is a nightmare.

Just soak overnight.
How anal can you be?
Oh, great idea.

You like ants?
'Cause that's what you'll get.

(overlapping chatter
in foreign language)

(door closes)

I guess we can go.

Lasagna sounds
good, though, huh?
It does sound good.

Three, two, one.

(thud)
Aah!

Calvin!

All right, everybody,
let's have a seat

on the socialization rug.

Yes. Crisscross applesauce.

Okay.

(both straining)
Oh, boy.

Now, let me tell you
about our philosophy

here at The Center.

We let the kids tell us
what they'd like to learn.

So if they want to learn
about the universe,

we bring the universe to them.

In fact,
everybody,

look up and take
a peek at our new

solar system
that was commissioned

by a new C-double-E family.

I really shouldn't say the name.

It's Al Pacino.

(all oohing)

Uh, wh...
(strains)

I-I'm sorry,

I-I see the sun, but I'm not
clear what solar system this is.

Oh, well, um,

you see there,
there's the Earth.

Right there.
Ah. Yes.

The, uh, sixth rock
from the sun.

Okay, uh, first of all, there's
too many planets up there,

and they're all in
the wrong order and Mars

shouldn't have rings.

Yes, but in the creative mind
of a child,

any planet can have rings.

Right, but-but in
our solar system,

only some do,
and none of them are Mars.

This is... this is all wrong.
(chuckles)

Ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh,
no, no, no, no.

See, here at The Center,
"wrong" is a four-letter word.

Oh, uh, right, but-but...

clearly, if you're teaching them
to count to ten,

and they say "two, six,
four, 39, potato, ten,"

that would be wrong.

Yes.

But who are we
to tell them what's wrong?

Their teachers.

We don't impose
rigid expectations.

No, we let the children

discover on their own.

(Marty chuckles)

Yeah, but it's-it's counting.

It's well-established. It
doesn't need to be discovered.

So, I'm sorry,
your child is Daphne?

Wow.
Oh. Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Yes, yes, go ahead,
blackball her. I'm out of here.

Let's get up out of here.

Malcolm, help me up
so I can storm out.

Yeah. Okay. Gladly.
Yeah.

Oh, my leg's asleep.
And I'm gonna talk...

Oh.
Let me tell you something...

I don't need this.
Wait, wait, hold on, wait.

(stammers)
Okay, found it.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.
What you know about this?

Yes, indeed.
'Cause you know...

You know, I can't believe it.

They had this
big, stupid, petty fight.

They were just like, so...

normal.

So there was nothing
freaky about them?

No. They were just
like you and me.

And a third person.

Now I know why you didn't
come over with Tina.

You knew they
weren't a threat.

To...?

Our relationship.

Oh. Yes, right.
Right, right, right.

You know, Calvin, if you want to
play pickleball with them again,

I guess it'd be fine.

Oh. Well, thanks, babe.
Uhp,

but no above-the-knee shorts.

Those are just for me.

Just like your
black fishnets, huh?

(laughs)
Mm. Exactly.

I'm the same way

about your Springsteen
tank top.

Little late, Gemma.

Whoa.

Oh, hey, Sara.

You're strong.

Most men would
have to make two trips.

Well...

I did do pommel horse
in high school.

I can see it.

I could probably grab
this laundry detergent, too.

Uh...

Sara?

Can I help you?

No, just, uh, going for a walk,

admiring the view.

It's got a ring on it.
Move along.

O-Okay. Gemma, calm-calm down.

Look, I'm all yours.

But...

...you know what
you signed up for.

(mouths)

Captioning sponsored by
CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

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