All language subtitles for The.Great.North.S02E13.DSNP.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-NTb.en[cc]

The Great North ♪

Here we live, oh, oh ♪

Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪

In the Great North. ♪

(cheering)

JUDY:
Good morning,

my aurora
imaginary-best-friend-ealis.

So, you know how I've been doing
some investigative journalism

for the school newspaper
about the Saved by the Spells?

They were a school
secret society or something?

Uh, they were a school
secret society or everything.

25 years ago,
a group of students

calling themselves
the Saved by the Spells

pulled off the most legendary
prank in school history when,

in the cover of darkness,
they mowed

Keanu Reeves's face
into the soccer field.

People could recognize
Keanu's face

from the grass
on a soccer field?

Uh, no, but they left behind
a note saying,

"We mowed Keanu Reeves's face
into the soccer field,"

and then everyone was like,
"Oh, wow."

So, yesterday,

someone emailed me
an anonymous tip

to search the school's
decommissioned practice mine,

where, for years, all Lone Moose
children were prepared

for an inevitable
life of work underground.

There, I found this.

It's basically
an instruction manual

for starting
my own chapter of the Spells.

You know having a secret society
has always been my dream.

A secret club is very fun.

It reminds me of the secret
girls trips to Cabo

I used to take
with Sarah McLachlan,

Ani DiFranco and Joan Osborne.

Why were they secret?
To ward off the paparazzi?

- To ward off Dave Grohl.
- Oh.

I love me some Davey G,
but they were girls trips.

It was Joan Osborne's idea
to tell him that "Cabo" was code

for taco night at Baja Fresh.

So we'd go for a 45-minute
dinner at Baja Fresh

with Dave Grohl,
and then leave for the airport

to spend two weeks living it up
in Cabo without him.

Noted. When planning
a girls trip to Cabo,

keep it hush-hush
around David Grohl.

Oh, my gosh, is that...

Yes. The CB parts that were
on backorder finally arrived.

Hey, Ham and Judy,
you guys want to get in

on this sweet CB radio action
after school today?

Sorry, Moon, we're busy.

- We are?
- Yes. You know.

The meeting about the thing.

Ham, I think your sister
is insinuating

that you two might be getting up
to mild teenage shenanigans

that she would prefer
I not know about.

- I fixed it. - TRUCKER (over radio): This is HJ Hank.

- Breaker, breaker, looking for some takers.
- Uh, oh...

- Okay. Uh... - I'll be in the third stall of the bathroom

- at the church.
- Dad.

We didn't even get to hear
where to meet HJ Hank.

- Okay.
- Uh, I forgot to tell you that the best channel on here

- is channel eight.
- Oh, that's where Ham and I

made our trucker friend
during our CB radio phase.

Ruff Barkins.

He'd drive up and down
the highway nearby every day

looking for his stolen dog Honk.

- Did he ever find him?
- I don't know.

Mom figured out
how to steal cable,

and we never turned
the CB radio on again.

Well, we'd better get to school
so you kids aren't late.

Dad, can I try channel eight
when I get home?

- If you insist, son.
- Yes.

TRUCKER 2:
This is Toe-Sucking Tony.

- Pull off them socks.
- (chuckling): Ah! Okay.

Good Lord.

WOLF:
Who looks better for drinks

with my boy Cheesecake tonight?

Mr. Cool Button Down
or my main man Johnny T-Shirt?

I don't know.
Cheesecake is crazy,

so I'd wear a life jacket,
a helmet

and a bunch of extra underwear.

Yeah, anything can happen

with the C and C
Cheesecake Factory.

You want to come along tonight?

I think I'll stick to book club
with Alyson and Jerry.

We're reading
the first installment

of Boggitha Johns:
Swamp Detective.

Look at us. I'm gonna drink
beers with Cheesecake,

and you're in a book club
with your brother

and my sister's boss.

We're like the cover
of Fun Marriage Magazine.

JUDY:
Ham and I have
gathered you here today

for a special opportunity.

We're starting
an exclusive, top secret

secret society tonight.

Fine, I'll cancel
with my other secret society.

Oh, you mean you and your little
brother going through

your yearbook and putting an X
next to everyone

- who's been mean to you?
- And that's an X on Bethany.

Meet us tonight at the school's
decommissioned practice mine

for the inaugural
induction ceremony

of Saved by the Spells:
The Next Generation.

(gasps)
Wait. The Saved by the Spells?

The ones who did
that legendary prank?

Mowing Keanu's perfect face
on the soccer field?

The very same.

- Okay.
- I'm in.
- Why not?

Judy, I just want you to know

that if we get caught,
I'll ask the judge

to let me serve your time, too.

Okay. Thanks, Gill. Thanks.

Okay, I'm off to buy

some book club snacks
at Val-U-Buy.

Do you have my number
written on your arm

in case
of a Cheesecake emergency?

- A-check a-mate.
- Hon, you've got to stop

saying "checkmate"
when you just mean "yes."

But it sounds so cool.

Goodbye, my little
book-club Bedelia.

Mwah.

(radio whirs)

It's Bacon Bear with a 10-2.

My heater's a-going
and my manners are showing.

I'm looking for a trucker
by the name of Ruff Barkins.

BEEF (Southern accent):
Breaker, did you say
Ruff Barkins?

- Is that you, Ruff? -(regular accent): I'm his... (clears throat)

(Southern accent):
I'm his brother, Tuff Barkins.

Ruff's been missing
for a while now.

He was looking for his dog Honk,

but he went a-Barkins
up the wrong tree.

Oh, no, the dognappers
got him, too?

That's what I think.

But let me start way back
at the beginning of the story.

My brother Ruff started
long-haul trucking at 13.

His feet couldn't
reach the pedals,

so that's where I came in,

down there pressing them
with my hands.

JUDY:
It is my grave

and distinguished honor
as high council

of Saved by the Spells:
The Next Generation

to welcome you all.

Now, before I swear you in,

I must warn you,
this is a secret society.

No one can ever know you're
a member, especially no adults.

- But what about my...
- No, Gill, you can't tell your mom,

even if she is your best friend.

Okay, first things first,
according to the almanac,

we all get to make up
at least one rule for the club.

- Ham?
- Okay, my rule is...

that we all
be best friends forever,

and we never forget
what we mean to each other.

My rule is the same as Ham's.

My rule is we start talking
about those pranks.

Okay, yes.

I thought we could pay homage
to the original Spells

by building a giant
papier-mâché Keanu Reeves head

and setting it ablaze,
and then leaving a note

telling everyone we did it.

I've already got all
the supplies we need right here.

This makes no sense. I love it.

Could we get in big trouble
for starting a fire

on school property? Yes.

But being a part
of a secret club

that pulls off a dangerous prank
is what every kid dreams of,

and I believe there's a reason
we got the anonymous tip

leading us to the Spells
on this auspicious anniversary,

and that reason is destiny.

Oh! I thought of my rule.

During the prank, we have
to sing my favorite song,

the Chili's
Baby Back Ribs jingle.

Ugh, fine, sure.
(clears throat)

And so, it is foretold.

On the vernal equinox,

Keanu's approximate
half-birthday,

the prank shall be so.

And remember,
don't tell any adults,

or we could get in big trouble.

Oh, Spello.

- GOLOVKIN: Attention, class.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'd like you to meet
our new student Joey TicTac.

What up, what up?

BOTH:
Undercover Principal Day.

What is Undercover
Principal Day?

Every year, Gibbons spends
one day, chosen at random,

posing as a teen
to try to find out

what's going on
with the students here.

And every year, he tries
a different persona.

HAM:
Christian Devilsbane, goth kid.

Go, team.

- JUDY: Kip Willikers.
- Howdy.

And this year, he's that.

What's up, my fellow
millennials? Let's YouTube.

(exhales)
What is that loud noise?

(inhales)
Oh, it's my breathing.

(hoarse): My body feels
like a wet sack of rats.

- What happened last night?
- You don't remember?

Who knew book club
would be such a rager?

Jerry and Alyson texted I never
even showed up to book club.

I know I went to Val-U-Buy,

and there were
free wine samples...

- (gasps) Wolf! What is that?
- WOLF: My B button.

Are we saying "B button"?
Is that what we say?

Oh, something went very wrong.

Cheesecake and I always agree:

whatever happens,
no body modifications.

We got to go see him
and find out

what the helly
happened to my belly.

Okay, so, it is bad
that Gibbons decided

to do undercover principal
on the same week

that we revived the Spells,
but he only does it for a day,

so if we just avoid-- Hello!
(laughs)

- Hi.
- What's up, barf bags?

Mind if Joey gets to know-y?

Who wants to tell me
their life story first?

Oh, wonderful.

I love how "Gangnam Style"
you all are.

Anyway, gonna go peep
my epic new locker.

Oh, and I can't wait
for tonight's meeting

(whispers):
of Saved by the Spells.

Thanks for the invite,
Crisp-dog.

Crispin, did you invite Joey
TicTac to our secret society?

I know what it's like
to be a new student.

I didn't want Joey to feel

the deep sense
of isolation I felt.

You were instantly popular.
Everyone had a crush on you.

- And yet...
- What should we do?

Should we cancel the meeting?

If we start driving right now,

we can be in Arkansas
in three weeks.

Or should we go ahead
with the meeting,

but we also frame Joey TicTac
for murder?

- Cover our bases?
- I love that you would go

that hard, Kima, but I don't
think that we have to.

Principal Gibbons is probably
coming because he thinks

we're up to something bad,
so we'll just make sure

he thinks it's a nice
friendship club,

and we won't say anything
about the prank.

Okay, so,
I'll go tell Joey TicTac

not to tell Gibbons
about the prank.

Crispin, no.

Wait, Cheesecake lives
in a trailer behind the bar?

Uh-oh, someone sounds jealous.

Oh, hey, guys.
Want to go get a drink?

Yes. Wait, no.

- Why did I say yes?
- That's Cheesecake for you.

Hey, C-cake,
know anything about this?

Oof. Nope.

(whistles)
She's a beaut, though.

What is that, aquamarine?

So you don't remember
last night, either?

Mm, last thing I remember,
we went to Junkyard Kyle's

for the Junker Jump.

Oh, we met up
with my main man Old Jody Jr.

Let's go see
if he knows anything.

It's about a ten-minute walk.

How many beers
are you each gonna need?

I'll just grab a 12-pack and
we'll stop for more on the way.

(chuckles) Didn't expect to see
you three back so soon.

- Wait, I was here last night?
- Yep, for the Junker Jump.

People come from far and wide
to put bricks on gas pedals

and launch old cars
into the quarry.

Did either of you pierce
my husband's belly button?

Ma'am, I did not pierce
that B button.

I really wish you guys
would stop saying "B button."

- That's what it's called.
- It's the medical term.

We'd love to know
what happened to us last night.

I did sell you some
of my homemade moonshine.

This stuff will shake up
the old Etch A Sketch.

Similar thing
happened to me once.

I took mushrooms and,
well, blah, blah, blah,

I woke up the next morning married

to my brother Old Jesse Jr.'s
ex-wife Sharon Sr.

It wasn't until the next time
I took mushrooms

that I remembered
the wedding ceremony.

My point is, probably
the best way to find out

what happened is to buy
some more moonshine

and follow
in your own footsteps.

Five bucks a pop,
and the truth is yours.

It's a good deal.

Okay, but let's only
get drunk enough

to remember what happened,
and no drunker.

Well, it is already 4:00 p.m.

- (laughs) Somewhere.
- Yeah. Here.

- It's 4:00 p.m. here.
- (laughs)

Yeah, you get it.

JUDY:
Okay, the papier-mâché
prank head is hidden.

Now, we know Gibbons only ever
poses as a student for one day.

So we'll just show him
a good, wholesome time,

and tomorrow,
things will go back to normal.

Smash that "what up" button,
fam.

This is gonna be
straight Tide Pod.

Great! (clears throat)
Well, we're just gonna do

what we do at all
our secret meetings and, uh,

go around and say something
nice about someone else.

I'll start. Uh...
Kima is a great friend.

Gill looks like a peanut.

Thank you, Kima.

My favorite thing about Ham
is that when he sees

that I'm falling asleep,
he'll puts Oreos

on my eyes to block the light.

Uh, and Joey,
something nice to tell you,

even though you're new,

is that it's like
we've known you for years.

Oh, wow, thank you.

You've made me feel
so welcome here.

Mm, y'okay,
well, that's our time.

Got to get home
and do our homework

because of how much
we love school.

Well, I think he bought it.

And tomorrow,
he goes back to being Gibbons,

and we get back
to planning our prank.

- You got to be kidding me.
- What's up?

Joey, you're back?

Today's a schi-zool day,
isn't it?

I couldn't miss tonight's
Spells meeting for the world.

Audi five million. Dab.

Look, he's probably just
trying to get us to slip up.

But the prank isn't until
Friday, so we just need to do

the same thing
we did last night,

and I'm sure
he'll lose interest.

♪ It sucks when you wanna
burn Keanu ♪

You make the papier-mâché ♪

♪ But then it's
Undercover Principal Day ♪

We don't wanna grow up ♪

It makes us wanna throw up ♪

♪ 'Cause you can't burn
a big head ♪

♪ When you're old and lame
and stupid and dead ♪

♪ We don't wanna age,
we just wanna rage ♪

♪ 'Cause we found an old book
under an old birdcage. ♪

Ugh, not again.

This is fun and all, but we
just keep getting very drunk

on moonshine every night and
we're no closer to the truth.

Uh, baby, was that big tattoo
of purple grapes always there?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

This ends now.
Wake up, Cheesecake.

(grunts)
What's up? We doing mimosas?

- Good morning, Judy.
- Uh, hey, Dad.

Let's say you were in a group.

Like a fishing group?

Sure. And there was a big
fishing, uh, thing coming up,

but there was one fishing friend
that you didn't want to come

because that friend would
get you in really big trouble

with the principal, uh,
at your, um, boat.

This fish thing,
does it coincide

with the vernal equinox?

Yes. Wait, how did you...

(gasps) You were in the original
Saved by the Spells?

I can neither confirm nor deny.

Nor do I know who might
have sent an anonymous tip

to Judy Tobin at the school
paper suggesting she may want

to investigate the
decommissioned practice mine.

Well, I got your anonymous tip
and I restarted the club,

but then Principal Gibbons
decided to do

- Undercover Principal this week.
- Oh, dear.

And now he won't leave,
and the prank is tonight.

And if he busts us,
we'll be in huge trouble.

Well, if he keeps coming back,

maybe he's not trying
to bust you.

Maybe he just enjoys
the camaraderie.

You know, being part of a group
can make a person feel special,

and those friendships
can never be replaced,

long after your fellow
club members have graduated

and moved on to Juneau
or Fairbanks

or the hustle and bustle
of Indianapolis.

You'll miss those days
so terribly,

you'll find yourself
jonesing for some...

(gasps)
Jones. Joan. Joan Osborne.

Dave Grohl! (gasps)
That's it.

We'll take him to Baja Fresh.
Metaphorically speaking.

I don't know
what you're talking about,

but if it helps keep the secret,
I'm all for it.

Good lunch-er-noon, my Spells.

If you're noticing
that I'm in an amazing mood,

there is a reason for that,
and I'm gonna tell you about it.

Oh, great,
another Judy-centered lunchtime.

Yes, it is centered on me
because I figured something out.

Gibbons is obviously
hanging around us

to catch us doing a big prank,
so we just have to invite him

to do a small prank
we won't get in trouble for,

and then do the real one
later that night.

That's right,
we'll take Dave Grohl

for tacos at Baja Fresh
at 6:00 p.m.

and then the rest of us
will go to Cabo at 10:00.

Ooh, I'm gonna get the Baja Bowl
with the wild-cut crispy wahoo.

We're not actually going
to Baja Fre-- oh, oh, oh.

Hi, hi, hi, hi.

What's the dealio, squad goals?

What are all my best friends
Venmoing about?

It's the vernal equinox,
so the Spells

- got to be doing something.
- Joey's right.

Tonight's the big night
of the big prank.

So, we'll meet up
in the parking lot at 6:00 p.m.

- just like we planned.
- And after that,

we go to Baja Fresh?

BOTH:
Crispin, no.

Hey, Judy, wait up.

I just wanted to say
thanks again

for inviting me
to the prank tonight.

Well, you're part
of the group, I guess.

Yeah, I've never had friends
like this before.

I was six-foot-two
by the time I was eight

and kids always thought I was
a teacher or the principal,

so eventually I just became one.

I mean, I plan to become one.
I'm 15.

Any-Howard the Duck,
I'm really excited for tonight.

I'm gonna RT and fave it.

So, when my at-that-point
ex-wife

Sharon Sr. and I
took mushrooms together

- for the fifth time...
- Enough.

If we have one more night
like we've been having,

we're gonna end up in a human
centipede with Cheesecake.

- I call middle.
- No fair.

We're not leaving
until you tell us what happened.

Until then, no more moonshine
for us or you.

Oh, I don't drink.

Old Jody Jr.
is old clean and sober.

But sure, yeah, here's-- yeah,
I'll tell you what happened.

Cheesecake and Wolf
showed up at the Junker Jump

19 sheets to the wind.

And you, Honeybee,
showed up with someone

named Barbara, the wine
sample lady from Val-U-Buy,

and I sold all of you some
of my world-famous moonshine.

You began making
increasingly wild bets

on which car would fly
the farthest in the Junker Jump.

HONEYBEE:
Who were we betting with? You?

Oh, no, I'm sober
from that, too.

You bet with each other.

The loser had to get
a B button piercing

- from the winner.
- I tagged that tum?

Yep. Night two, after you guys
had more moonshine,

Honeybee,
you lost a bet with Wolf

and had to get a tattoo
of his choosing.

And as everyone knows, Wolf,
well, he loves purple grapes.

I think what I love most
about them

is how purple they are.

Now, night three,
you actually tried

to gamble your dad's van
in the Junker Jump

before Junkyard Kyle stepped in

and bet that you couldn't
join the Navy.

Turns out, uh, you could.

Shore leave is gonna be sick!

But I think you're off the hook

since you all signed up
under the name Boggitha Johns?

WOLF:
But wait, why didn't you
just tell us what happened

the first time we asked you?

Honestly, I've been trying to
unload that moonshine for years.

I need the jars.

I'm starting a new jelly company
called Old Jammy Jr.

Now, tell me again
why you're getting a tattoo

of a glass of milk.

To go with Honeybee's tattoo.

Because we go together
like grapes and milk.

(chuckles) You know,
you dip the grape in the milk

and you eat it. So refreshing.

Aw, now it's like our B buttons
are married, too.

Look at us,
making mistakes together

and then making them again
so all our mistakes match.

We're like the cover
of Solid Marriage Magazine.

Well, I think we got
all the litter.

Great prank, guys.

That's the prank?

We're the Saved by the Spells,
for ALF's sake.

This could be
our last night together.

I mean, you never know whose dad
might suddenly get a new job

in another state
and won't be here on Monday.

Sorry, Joey, but we aren't like
the old Spells.

We're not gonna do
some big thing.

It's like our new motto says:
"We just pick up all the litter,

and that's the whole prank."

Oh, Keanu, heed our call,

bless this field
with your mighty jaw.

Your face and eyes we invoke,
for a bodacious prank,

of legend spoke.

♪ Give me my baby back,
baby back, bab... ♪

- Guys, my rule?
- Ugh.

♪ I want my baby back,
baby back, baby back ♪

Chili's Baby Back Ribs. ♪

GIBBONS:
Well, ecsqueeze me very much.

- Joey?
- That's not Joey, Crispin.

- That's Principal Gibbons.
- Oh.

But you got to admit,
he looks a lot like Joey.

Principal Gibbons,
we-we thought you were not here.

I came back to hole-punch
a recipe for my recipe binder,

and imagine my surprise
at finding this dangerous,

big prank that is not allowed
but also probably

made some people feel left out.

Go home, all of you.

I'll see you on Monday
after I've decided

what the punishment is
for something bad

and hurtful like this.

Oh. What if Gibbons
was one of us?

I've got an idea
where the dognappers

might have taken Ruff and Honk.

There's an abandoned
weigh station near Death Cliff

I found using online
satellite maps.

- Now, if you want, I can go there myself.
- (regular accent): No!

(Southern accent): I mean,
I happen to be right near there.

So I can investigate
since I know it's your bedtime.

How do you know it's my bedtime?

Well, I just figured you adhered

to the trucker's
standard sleep scale.

- Oh, of course I do.
- And Bacon Bear,

don't forget to polish your gear
and hose down your mud flaps.

That's trucker talk for brush
your teeth and wash your face.

GIBBONS:
Judy Tobin to the principal's
office, please.

- Judy...
- Look, before you give me a very bad punishment

which I definitely deserve,
I know I took the wrong lesson

from Joan Osborne's
most popular song.

"Pensacola"? "Crazy Baby?"

I meant "One of Us."

I have a feeling
that when you were 15,

you didn't have
a group of friends.

And you really were very tall.

And now that you're
the principal, well, it's like,

in the song,
what if you got to be one of us?

♪ Just a stranger
on the soccer field ♪

Trying to burn a big head. ♪

I'm sorry we lied to you.

Thank you, but of course,
I don't have any idea

what you're talking about.

Okay. But for what it's worth,

if you were our age,
I would totally be your friend.

Well, I appreciate that, Judy,
but unfortunately,

the ringleader behind the prank

will still be expelled
from school.

I have no choice but to expel...

Joey TicTac, forever.

I know you were all very,
very good friends with Joey.

- Some might even say best friends.
- Mm.

So that will have
to be punishment enough

for your involvement
with this character

who was truly a rebel
and a bit of a maverick.

Oh, and Judy,
I've gone ahead and closed

the school's decommissioned
practice mine.

- I understand.
- I should probably close

the school's decommissioned
practice meatpacking plant

as well, but I'm just
so swamped with work.

I just hope no MC Skat Kats
on the high council

get any cray-cray ideas.

BEEF (Southern accent):
Bacon Bear,
guess who's sitting next to me.

-(barks)
- Is that Honk? You found him?

I found them.
They were right where you said,

tied to a ticking time bomb
on the railroad tracks.

(higher-pitched): Bacon Bear,
this is Ruff Barkins.

I don't know how to thank you.

Well, you could
stop by my house.

I'll give you the address.

I wish we could,
but while I was rescuing Ruff,

somebody took my cat
Puff Meow-kins.

Dang. You guys
can't catch a break.

Also, never give out your
address over a CB radio, son.

Never. Now, we could sure
use some ideas

on where a cat-napping ring
might be around these parts.

But I don't suppose
you've got the time to help us.

I can move some things around.

JUDY:
Hey, Dad.

Got to head out for a bit.
I have a... study group.

Aha. So the fishing thing
must have gone well.

It did not.

And are they in any trouble?

I can neither confirm nor deny
literally anything about them.

As it is written.

So that's it for
the new Saved by the Spells?

- The what by the what?
- Wonderful.

Hey, speaking of secrets,
this was on the porch for you.

I wonder who could have
left it there.

♪ ♪

By the power vested in me
as high council,

and in honor of our fallen
brother Joey TicTac,

I hereby declare this meeting

of the Saved by the Spells:
The Next Generation,

bada boom, bada bing,
to have started.

We go together ♪

♪ We go together
like brownies and cheese ♪

♪ Pickles and oatmeal,
like church bells and peas ♪

♪ We go together
like milk and grapes ♪

Chicken and peanut butter ♪

Bologna and crepes ♪

♪ We go together
like grapes and milk ♪

♪ Perfect combo,
smooth as silk ♪

♪ We go together,
we go together. ♪

Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org