Original subtitles

[ static ] [ country music plays ]

>> ♪ my dreams are all dead and Buried ♪

♪ sometimes I wish the sun would Just explode ♪

♪ when god comes and calls me to His kingdom ♪

♪ I'll take all you sons of Bitches when I go ♪

♪ you sons of bitches >> rusty: my turn.

>> early: hell no.

>> rusty: man, let me drive that Thing!

>> early: do not touch the trim!

>> lil: [ coughs ] Hey, baby, you wanna party?

[ chuckles ] >> yeah, we -- we

In fact, this is my son -- son's Birthday party.

[ clears throat ] If you'll excuse me.

>> lil: I got some candy in this Piñata.

[ laughs ] >> early: damn it!

I said, "No way, no how is no Cuyler woman ever gonna

Prostitutalize herself at no Youngern's birthday party."

Cuyler womerns hook at the truck Stop.

And don't nobody here forget it!

>> granny: oh, those truck-stop Pros were uppity trannies.

Plus, the cost of diesel's Dryin' up the trucker money.

>> lil: yep.

It's a race to the bottom.

>> early: don't y'all be blamin' This on no marketational forces.

[ horn honks ] >> hey, where's that birthday

Boy?

>> granny: mm.

You sure that's what you're Lookin' for, sugar?

>> uh...

>> granny: how 'bout you let me Twist up that big ol' balloon of

Yours?

>> uh, no, I'm just here for -- [ zap ]

[ grunts ] >> granny: ohh.

He was hot enough for a freebie.

>> early: ain't no carnival Clown gonna touch a cuyler

Without payin' truck-stop Prices!

>> rusty: oh, my god, daddy.

You did it! You did it, daddy!

Oh, yeah!

I'm-a get clowny now, boy!

Daddy, you are the best!

>> early: yeah...

I am the best.

>> rusty: [ grunting ] >> granny: you did not raise

This boy right.

>> early: yeah, how about takin' It easy on that clown body, son?

Let's let the dead have they Rest.

>> rusty: this is awesome!

Now I ain't gotta buy no clown Makeup.

I'm a clowny freak, y'all!

>> lil: oh, crap.

Not those yahoos.

>> early: and what is a clowny Freak?

>> lil: oh, it's some dumb-ass Rap band that dresses like

Clowns.

Fans are mostly trailer-park Nerds.

>> rusty: hey, listen to me, Now, dag gummit.

You're steppin' up to satan's Big top now.

Don't make me unleash the power Of the clowny daggers.

And lift up your shirt, woman.

>> early: hell, she ain't wore a Shirt since '89.

What'd you think these were?

>> rusty: a big ol' floppy chin?

>> lil: [ laughs ] I get that sometimes.

>> early: well, looks like these Clowny folks sure has helped

Your confidence, demandin' a Titty flash like you done.

Good for you, boy.

>> rusty: thanks, daddy.

Clowny daggers, daddy!

>> rusty: yep.

Cloudy what's and such.

>> announcer: crap yourself!

This weekend, it's the one and Motherforkin' only festival of

The clowny freak.

Come on down to the Dougal county airfield for

Competitive keg sucking, Wrestling on tacks, donkey

Rides, slappin' at butts, a guy Who makes puppets have sex, yo

Mama -- ha ha -- an actual Murderer, balloons for the kids,

17 stages of horror rap, Chopped-up meat byproducts that

Look twisted as hell, plus, a Special surprise guest.

>> no, I won't be there, dawgs, But y'all should chillax by the

Merch tent.

Make it rain, bitches.

Okay. We got that?

[ dial tone ] >> announcer: and it's all this

Sunday.

Clowny daggers, y'all.

>> rusty: clowny daggers!

>> granny: ooh! It's the devil!

You got me pinned with your Devil claws.

Hurry up and sodomize me.

Ooh! I hate it!

>> rusty: uh...Granny?

>> granny: I will bear your Satan baby on earth, and we're

Gonna name him damien, 'cause I Always thought that was such a

Pretty name.

>> rusty: granny!

>> granny: is it true what they Say?

You got a goat horn on your Donger?

>> rusty: uh, granny -- >> granny: I can take it.

I just wanna know what I'm in For.

>> early: no, you dust-fartin' Half-wit.

It's just rusty.

He's into them rappin' clowns Now.

>> rusty: they ain't just Rappin' clowns.

They're a tribal embodiment of My teenage anger and family

Structure I never had...

And that crap.

>> early: boy, what are you Doin' to my plug-it-up brand

Novelty joke cork what you give To somebody who'd just ate the

Baked beans?!

[ whimpers ] That's all I got left of my

Mama!

>> rusty: I'm makin' me some Greasepaint, so just chill your

Ass out and be a ninja.

Clowny daggers.

>> early: all right, that's it!

Your happiness just walked all The hell over my damn

Convenience!

>> rusty: aah!

>> rusty: get down! Get down!

>> sheriff: whoa, whoa, whoa.

Early, go easy on the boy.

>> early: what the?!

>> sheriff: he's a good soldier For the clowny empire.

>> rusty: sheriff!

You into this mess, too?

>> sheriff: you bet.

At first, I was undercover, Tryin' to find out who kept

Stuffin' flamin' dog poop in my Mailbox, but after a while, I

Realized the clowny lifestyle Appealed to me.

I saw what the fuss was about, And look at me now -- already

Three steps up on the ziggurat Of the clowny daggers.

Ninjahood is imminent.

>> rusty: whoo!

All right, sheriff!

Come on, clowny daggers!

>> sheriff: clowny daggers, Russell.

Listen, early, you might oughta Try this, too.

You know, they say the family That plays together stays

Together.

>> rusty: it's time to get Clowny up in here, ya heard?

♪ dark elephants are marchin' In ♪

♪ now crap yourself ♪ oh, da da

Let me hear that evil-ass Calliope, baby!

[ humming ] >> early: well, the clowny freak

Philosophy does have a certain Elegance to it.

I'll give it that.

>> sheriff: that's right, early.

This stuff proves it.

Just because rap came from black People don't mean it can't be

Every bit as white trash as you Or me.

>> granny: aah!

>> early: well, hell yeah!

I like me some of that!

>> sheriff: come on.

Get your clown on, ninja.

>> early: hell yeah! Whoo!

Let's do it!

[ gulping ] Mmm!

You want yourself a fruity-soda Drink?

>> sheriff: [ strained ] Sure.

>> early: ha ha! Yeah!

>> rusty: [ laughs ] Daddy!

We -- we was just havin' fun, Daddy.

>> early: I'm 'bout to show you Some funny right now!

>> sheriff: [ gurgling ] >> early: see?

That's pretty damn funny.

>> rusty: [ laughing ] Yeah!

>> whaaaaaaa!

[ laughter ] [ thud, car alarm blaring ]

>> sheriff: oh, hell.

That's

Should have adjusted for the Wind, I guess.

>> early: you better go check on That.

>> sheriff: oh, my -- no! Early!

>> early: yeah.

[ glass shatters ] Cloudy what's and such.

>> rusty: whoo, baby! Ha ha!

Hell yeah!

>> granny: aaaaaaaaah!

>> early: there you go!

Whoo!

Aw, damn it!

I tell you what, boys.

I been in a kiss army, and for a Time, I was a travis tritt

Kicker -- tit-kickin' trooper Tratter.

[ car alarm blaring ] But all that was just a warm-up

For this right here.

[ voice breaking ] I...

[ sniffles ] Am...

Home.

>> rusty: daddy, you gonna cry?

>> early: leave me be!

I just got some clowny makeup in This here eye.

That's all.

>> sheriff: [ chuckles ] Well, ain't this beautiful.

A lot of sheriffs would frown on Aidin' and abettin' a daylong

Crime spree in the name of Father/son harmony, but you know

What?

They're the Clowns.

>> rusty: whoo!

Boy, you are twisted, sheriff!

>> sheriff: ain't I just the Dickens?

[ laughs ] Clowny daggers, y'all.

>> rusty: clowny daggers.

>> sheriff: [ laughs ] >> early: finally.

I thought that sumbitch was Gonna tag along all night.

Touch up your face, boy.

We about to find out how many Clowns we can cram into a stolen

Car!

[ car alarm blaring ] Well...I guess it's just two.

>> rusty: where we goin', daddy?

>> early: to the natural Stompin' ground of the clown.

Whoo!

[ siren wailing ]

>> lil: okay, it's that time of Night.

Anybody here from the freak Show, line up.

Cash up front, monsters.

I don't do pity sex.

>> early: look out, now.

There's only room for Of freaks in this town, and they

Be clowny freaks!

Whoo!

>> rusty: daddy, daddy, we ain't Exactly rival gangs, now.

>> early: look what we got here, Boy.

We goin' surf and turf!

>> easy, man.

I work in a freak show, and I'm The last in line to see a

Prostitute.

Is that not enough humiliation?

>> rusty: now, daddy, bein' a Clowny freak's about outcasts

Pullin' together and bein' a Family and everything.

>> lil: hey! Lay off, early.

He ain't paid yet.

>> listen to the lady, punk.

>> early: oh, is that how you Wanna play it?

Huh? Is that it?

>> rusty: uh, daddy?

Daddy, what you doin'?

>> early: I'll burn this whole Place to hell, for I am the

Demon hisself!

Whoo! Clowny daggers, baby!

Aah! No!

I got too cocky, damn it!

Put me out!

I got caught up in my own hype!

Aah!

Ooh.

Well, didn't burn my lips off.

That's how you know it was a Success.

[ strained ] Clowny...Daggers.

>> rusty: I don't know, daddy.

I mean, it's gonna take a Clown makeup to cover this.

>> early: it's all right.

Ain't got no more nerves up There to give me hassles.

[ grunts ] Let's me and you go to the park

And set afire to a homeless.

It's the way of the clown.

>> rusty: maybe we oughta just Hit the hay, daddy.

I mean, it's 4:30 in the Mornin'.

>> early: what's on tap for Tomorrow night?

Couple of jesters gettin' buck Wild up there in satan's big

Top?

[ laughs ] >> rusty: well, actually, you

Know, I'm kinda thinkin' about Maybe wipin' off the makeup for

A day or two.

Clowny vacay, you know?

>> early: I see.

Surely you ain't forgettin' what Today is.

Festival of the clowny freak.

You know you like you some Puppets gettin' busy, son.

>> rusty: you know what?

Take the sheriff with you.

>> early: oh, son, I'm sorry.

My fault.

I thought you had a pair of Clowny testicles on you.

>> rusty: don't go there, daddy.

>> early: oh, son, you the one What done pulled open a can of

Fedora's box wide-ass open.

>> rusty: now, listen here, now.

I'm really happy we're gettin' All activitational together,

But, uh, I'm kinda realizin' Clownin' was just a phase.

New thing is readin' -- chapter Books.

You ever read you some "Super fudge"?

Now,

>> early: surely you have time For a quick fruity-soda

Throwdown for old time's sake.

It's a natural part of any Clowny schedule.

>> rusty: daddy, I-I am sorry, But I just don't think I can get

Clowny no more, daddy.

[ gurgling ] >> early: you best...Crap...

Yourself!

Whoo!

[ both grunting ] >> sheriff: soldiers!

Break it up!

>> early: I don't need you!

I don't need you at all!

>> rusty: no, daddy! Come back!

>> granny: ooh!

Satan does like to pull him some Trains, I suppose.

>> early: [ sniffling ] I just Go to the festival myself.

I got a whole clown army to rest My head on.

[ sobbing ] Clowny daggers!

>> ♪ ba-rat-a-tat-tat, smash yo Face with my bat ♪

♪ the fat of my bat slap yo Skull with a splat ♪

♪ now, how you like that? ♪ oh, you

♪ nurse, 10 ccs or my eastern, Stat ♪

>> early: hell yeah!

>> aaaah!

>> whoa, whoa, whoa. Up front.

Old guy with a bat.

>> early: whoo!

[ laughs ] [ crowd booing ]

Your song, hell, it made me do It.

What the hell?

>> it's symbolism.

The bat is like my -- my Fractured youth.

>> early: ooh! Aah!

>> now get him the fuck out Of here.

>> early: hell no!

I'm gonna get me a damn belt Buckle!

>> all right, all right.

Drag him by the merch tent.

♪ louisville slugger to your Cabriolet ♪

♪ oh, damn, they got a bat ♪ those crazy mother [bleep]

Went and got a bat ♪ What?!

♪ hey, we swingin' a bat ♪ two crazy mother [bleep] Are

Swingin' a bat ♪ You damn right!

We just came from the Sporting-goods store, y'all.

>> swish, swish, swish!

>> there was a sale.

Strike three, and you out!