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[ static ]
[ country music plays ]
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>> ♪ my oldest son was born an
Albino ♪
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♪ my youngest is, uh, covered in
Hair ♪
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♪ the middle one says he's a
Homosexual ♪
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♪ and the other seven gone, I
Don't know where ♪
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Well, I raised 'em right.
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They ought to be fine.
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>> rusty: my turn.
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>> early: hell no.
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>> rusty: man, let me drive that
Thing!
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>> early: do not touch the trim!
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>> sheriff: hey, early, come on
Out here.
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I got somethin' amazin' out here
I want you to see.
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>> early: no. Suck it.
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>> sheriff: come on, early.
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I'm seein' things out here I
Can't believe.
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>> granny: okay, you piqued my
Interest.
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>> sheriff: that's great,
Granny.
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Uh, now if we could just get
Early to join us, well, that'd
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Just be --
>> granny: oh, he ain't here.
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He got him a job sellin' bibles
Door-to-door, thank jesus.
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>> early: [ coughs ]
>> sheriff: is he smokin' some
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Sort of drug pipe in there?
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>> granny: well, he needs to get
His mind right.
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Sales is a high-pressure gig.
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>> sheriff: well, uh, I'm glad
To see he's matured and
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Acceptin' some responsibility.
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>> early: how you like this?!
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My ass in the window!
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[ laughs ]
>> sheriff: [ sighs ]
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I don't like it one bit.
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>> granny: me neither, but he
Likes to close strong.
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>> sheriff: come on, granny.
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>> granny: [ gasps ]
[ calliope music plays ]
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>> sheriff: well, here it is.
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>> granny: it's beautiful,
Sheriff!
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[ moans ]
It's everything you said it
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Would be.
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>> damn it, lady.
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I'm tryin' to smoke here.
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>> sheriff: I'm talkin' about
The contraption, granny.
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It's a holodeck.
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You can use it to make your
Wildest dreams come true.
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>> granny: my wildest dreams
Comin' true.
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>> sheriff: granny, leave him
Alone!
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>> hey, how 'bout a little
Privacy, buddy?
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I don't judge
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>> granny: [ grunting ]
>> sheriff: okay, kenny.
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You know the fantasy.
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[ holodeck whirs ]
[ puppies panting ]
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[ giggling ]
That's wonderful!
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Do I taste like a biscuit?
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Do I?
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Whew! Ooh-ee!
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Next time, I want
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[ chuckles ] Balls out!
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>> granny: ooh! Ooh!
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I want to try! Me! Me!
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>> sheriff: just imagine what
You want most in your life, and
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It'll be yours.
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>> granny: oh.
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Oh, my goodness.
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My fantasy!
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It's -- it's happening!
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Sweet relief!
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[ gun cocks, fires ]
>> sheriff: uh, granny?
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>> granny: [ muffled ] Not now.
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Just let me soak this in for a
Little while.
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>> sheriff: okay.
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It's just makin' me sad, is all.
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>> granny: all right. Fine.
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Let's see.
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[ gasps ]
Mammy? Mammy, is that you?
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>> there, there, darlin'.
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You're with your mammy now.
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That's where you are.
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You're with your mammy.
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>> granny: oh, mammy, why did
You run off with your friend
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Lamar and drop me off at the
Post office in a box labeled
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"Free baby"?
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>> I did do that, didn't I?
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>> granny: ohh.
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>> [ chuckles ]
That was wild.
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You with your mammy now.
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Ain't nobody gonna hurt you in
This whole big world.
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>> early: enough, woman!
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>> granny: mammy!
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>> granny child!
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>> early: my...Turn...
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To fantasify!
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I'm gonna get sloppy in here,
Hoss.
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>> sheriff: well, hey, there,
Early.
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[ chuckles ]
I knew you'd come around sooner
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Or later.
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>> early: here we go.
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[ grunts ]
Did I do one?
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>> sheriff: no.
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>> early: [ grunts ]
>> sheriff: you can't force it.
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Just, um, relax.
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>> early: did I do one?
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>> sheriff: unh-unh.
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>> early: [ grunting ]
>> sheriff: uh, y-you're gettin'
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A nosebleed, here.
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>> early: I think that was one,
Wasn't it?
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>> sheriff: no.
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>> early: [ grunting ]
Think I feel one comin' on!
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Whoo! Yah!
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Giddy on up, you damn magical
Beast!
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Yah! Whoo!
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What was that? Was that one?
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Didn't I do one?
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>> sheriff: no, not really, no.
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>> early: I was that damn close
To imagifyin', and you
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Interrupted my god damn
Sumbitchin' imagitaterin'!
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>> sheriff: just send him to
Panama city.
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[ holodeck whirs ]
>> early: [ gasps ]
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[ rock music plays ]
Hell yeah! Pcb, baby! Whoo!
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>> ♪ florida
♪ florida
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>> early: yeah! Whoo! Hell yeah!
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Whoo!
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[ laughter ]
>> sheriff: and no consequences
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For your actions, neither.
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>> early: no...Consemaquitas?
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Uh...
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>> sheriff: consequences.
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You know, t-the result of doin'
Somethin'.
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Like when you drink liquor all
Weekend --
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>> early: brown or see-through?
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>> sheriff: well, either one,
Uh --
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>> early: how much liquor?
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I gotta budget out my weekend,
You know.
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>> sheriff: I'm talkin' about
Consequences.
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>> early: you keep sayin'
"Liquor."
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Where's the damn liquor at?
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>> sheriff: now, early, the real
Point is --
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>> early: oh, no, no. I get it.
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I
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Consequenchifyin' my thirst.
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Let's go hog-ass wild right now!
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Come on! Pcb, baby!
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Whoo!
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>> sheriff: ow!
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>> early: how you like that?!
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Huh?!
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Take that!
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You and me now, baby!
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Whoo! No consequences!
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>> sheriff: there you go.
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Ohh!
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You're gettin' the hang of it,
Early.
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>> all: jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
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Jump! Jump!
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>> early: y'all want I should
Jump?
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[ all cheering ]
>> jump, you stupid asshole!
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>> early: w-w-whoo!
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[ grunts ]
[ all gasp ]
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>> oh, dude.
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>> early: pcb, baby! Whoo!
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[ all cheering ]
>> jump, e-dawg! Jump!
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>> early: w-w-whoo!
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[ grunts ]
>> up top, brah.
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>> early: pcb.
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[ all cheer weakly ]
>> jump, jump. Jump, jump.
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>> sheriff: hey, early?
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I-I hate to keep interruptin'
Your holodeck experience, there,
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But maybe you should try, um,
Somethin' different?
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>> hey, e-dawg, am I gonna have
To flush this turd?
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>> early: stay cool, devon.
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Let me handle it.
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Like what, law dawg?
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>> sheriff: well,
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You got all of space and time at
Your command.
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>> early: damn. You right.
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W-what the hell was I thinkin'?
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Hey, bring that pool closer!
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>> both: jump! Jump! Jump!
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>> early: w-w-whoo!
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[ grunts ]
>> yeah, e-dawg!
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>> sheriff: should have made it
A little bit deeper, too, early.
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>> yeah, brah!
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>> early: pbc. Hell yeah.
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[ grunts ]
Now let's go beat the holy hell
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Out of some of them dolphins.
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>> rusty: hey, daddy.
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Too.
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>> oh, whoa, whoa, oh.
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You want to bump with me?
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You want to bump with me?
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>> early: devon, chill!
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It's all good.
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>> he's all up in your grille,
Man.
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>> early: I'll handle it, hoss.
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I'll handle it.
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00:06:16,020 --> 00:06:17,023
Son, what are you doin' here?
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Now, don't take this the wrong
Way, but you don't exist in my
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Perfect dreamworld.
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>> rusty: well, I just --
>> early: in my dreamworld, I
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00:06:23,017 --> 00:06:26,006
Wasn't so damn, uh, insistent
About ridin' bareback all the
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00:06:26,008 --> 00:06:27,010
Time.
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00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,006
>> rusty: well, I got up in that
Holodeck thing, and I knew I
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00:06:29,008 --> 00:06:30,020
Could have anything I wanted to.
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00:06:30,022 --> 00:06:33,009
And it was my fantasy that you
And me, you know, we'd spend
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Some time together, daddy.
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00:06:34,020 --> 00:06:36,006
>> early: you're right, son.
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00:06:36,008 --> 00:06:37,007
You're right.
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00:06:37,009 --> 00:06:40,006
But it's just, I wish you
Weren't so damn borin'.
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00:06:40,008 --> 00:06:43,014
I-I get so busy gettin' caught
Up in things that are more
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00:06:43,016 --> 00:06:47,004
Interestin' than you are that
I-I lose sight of what's really
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Important, like havin' somebody
To watch my ass durin' a
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Criminal endeavor.
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>> rusty: what you puttin' on
Me?
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00:06:53,010 --> 00:06:54,020
>> early: shut your damn mouth.
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00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:56,004
This here is a future suit.
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00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:57,009
>> rusty: what the hell?
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00:06:57,011 --> 00:06:58,013
What is this, daddy?
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00:06:58,015 --> 00:07:01,005
>> early: we in the future, but
We from the past, right?
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00:07:01,007 --> 00:07:03,000
We know what happened in all
Them ufc stock-car races and
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00:07:03,002 --> 00:07:05,006
Cockfights, don't we?
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00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,019
So we bet the monies on them
Contests
220
00:07:07,021 --> 00:07:09,011
Winnings back to the past, and,
Hell, we live like kings!
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00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:13,007
>> rusty: now, daddy, I-I don't
Think you can bet on somethin'
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00:07:13,009 --> 00:07:15,001
That's already happened, can
You?
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00:07:15,003 --> 00:07:16,019
>> early: they don't know that.
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00:07:16,021 --> 00:07:17,019
Hell,
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00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:18,019
They from the future.
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00:07:19,013 --> 00:07:21,005
We makin' the damn rules here.
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00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,009
>> rusty: ain't these people
Imaginary?
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00:07:23,011 --> 00:07:26,007
And even if they wasn't, ain't
They been in the past, just like
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00:07:26,009 --> 00:07:27,023
Us?
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00:07:28,001 --> 00:07:28,021
>> early: damn it.
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00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,021
You ain't listenin'.
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00:07:29,023 --> 00:07:30,023
They from the future!
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00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:32,004
It's a damn different time!
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00:07:32,006 --> 00:07:33,019
>> rusty: so, then we just...
235
00:07:33,021 --> 00:07:35,003
Bet money on somethin' that's
Already happened?
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00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:36,023
>> rusty: yeah, that's the
Thing.
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00:07:37,001 --> 00:07:37,020
Gimme some monies.
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00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:39,018
You got money, right?
239
00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:41,017
>> rusty: no.
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00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:44,004
>> early: well, now, this is how
We get the money -- with this
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00:07:44,006 --> 00:07:45,009
Whole bettin' thing.
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00:07:45,011 --> 00:07:47,011
>> rusty: well, we
Make up some money with our
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00:07:47,013 --> 00:07:47,023
Mind.
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00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,002
Whoo! Daddy, I'm rich!
245
00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:52,004
>> early: no, now, that ain't
Gonna work.
246
00:07:52,006 --> 00:07:54,000
[ grunts ]
>> rusty: uh-oh.
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00:07:54,002 --> 00:07:54,023
W-where are we now?
248
00:07:55,001 --> 00:07:58,001
>> early: the question is,
Are we, son?
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00:07:58,003 --> 00:08:01,012
I'm afraid we're at a painful
Crossroads in our nation's
250
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,003
History.
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00:08:02,005 --> 00:08:03,008
This here is september 10th.
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00:08:03,010 --> 00:08:06,000
>> rusty: so, we gonna stop them
Jews from doin' it, ain't we,
253
00:08:06,002 --> 00:08:06,012
Daddy?
254
00:08:06,014 --> 00:08:07,012
>> early: no, no, son.
255
00:08:07,014 --> 00:08:10,006
We mustn't interrupt the flow of
Time and crap.
256
00:08:10,008 --> 00:08:12,020
Get your 9/11 shirts, folks!
257
00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:13,020
Come on, now! Here they are!
258
00:08:13,022 --> 00:08:14,010
>> rusty: no, daddy.
259
00:08:14,012 --> 00:08:15,013
We can actually stop it.
260
00:08:15,015 --> 00:08:18,006
I can contact the fbi --
>> early: you don't understand!
261
00:08:18,008 --> 00:08:21,001
It will impact the shirts!
262
00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:22,019
>> rusty: yeah, fine, whatever.
263
00:08:22,021 --> 00:08:23,019
It's a holodeck, anyway.
264
00:08:23,021 --> 00:08:26,001
[ holodeck whirs ]
>> time's up. Get the hell out.
265
00:08:26,003 --> 00:08:27,007
>> early: b-but the shirts!
266
00:08:27,009 --> 00:08:28,019
[ beeping ]
What the?!
267
00:08:28,021 --> 00:08:29,020
>> sheriff: all right.
268
00:08:29,022 --> 00:08:31,003
How'd y'all like the holodeck?
269
00:08:31,005 --> 00:08:33,005
>> early: what in the hell you
Think you doin'?
270
00:08:33,007 --> 00:08:34,016
>> sheriff: I'm sorry, early.
271
00:08:34,018 --> 00:08:36,009
I just kind of had to keep you
Busy in that holodeck while I
272
00:08:36,011 --> 00:08:40,021
Repossessed your, uh,
Truck-boat-truck...Boat-truck...
273
00:08:40,023 --> 00:08:42,001
Uh, waverunner, here.
274
00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:43,002
>> early: my fleet!
275
00:08:43,004 --> 00:08:44,009
It's my legacy!
276
00:08:44,011 --> 00:08:47,005
What in the hell am I gonna pass
Down to my future generations?!
277
00:08:47,007 --> 00:08:49,005
>> sheriff: I'm sorry, early,
But doggone it, you got a bad
278
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:52,004
Habit of walkin' all over my
Feelings.
279
00:08:52,006 --> 00:08:55,013
Nobody's gonna treat me like the
Big man I know I am unless I
280
00:08:55,015 --> 00:08:58,021
Pull the big man out of the
Backseat and put him behind the
281
00:08:58,023 --> 00:08:59,016
Wheel.
282
00:08:59,018 --> 00:09:01,001
On that note, good day,
Mr. Cuyler.
283
00:09:01,003 --> 00:09:02,017
>> early: sheriff, come on,
Please!
284
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:03,010
Now, think it over!
285
00:09:03,012 --> 00:09:05,002
>> sheriff: I said "Good day"!
286
00:09:05,004 --> 00:09:08,006
>> early: no! Why?!
287
00:09:08,008 --> 00:09:09,023
That sheriff's a good feller.
288
00:09:10,001 --> 00:09:11,002
I like him.
289
00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:13,022
Can't I see that he's a officer
Of the law and, as such,
290
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:14,019
Deserves my respect?
291
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:17,020
[ distorted ] Oh, I have learned
My lesson.
292
00:09:17,022 --> 00:09:20,021
I have seen the error of my
Perpetratin' ways.
293
00:09:20,023 --> 00:09:24,001
>> both: I will never break
The law again.
294
00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:25,006
[ holodeck whirs ]
>> time's up.
295
00:09:25,008 --> 00:09:27,008
>> sheriff: [ sighs ]
[ chuckles ]
296
00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:29,010
Dang, that felt
297
00:09:29,012 --> 00:09:32,000
You know, doc, that holodeck
Therapy was a good idea.
298
00:09:32,002 --> 00:09:34,002
You know, I think I had a real
Breakthrough.
299
00:09:34,004 --> 00:09:38,009
>> you know, sometimes, sheriff,
It helps to visualize things,
300
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:42,001
Especially things that you will
Never possibly achieve in your
301
00:09:42,003 --> 00:09:43,002
Waking life.
302
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:46,006
>> sheriff: well, uh, what are
You sayin' here, doc?
303
00:09:46,008 --> 00:09:49,021
>> e-even in your own fantasy,
He only half-listened to you.
304
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:53,019
And you're also insecure, a-and
You haven't made
305
00:09:53,021 --> 00:09:54,023
All.
306
00:09:55,001 --> 00:09:57,023
I mean, this is just -- this is
Just a colossal waste of time.
307
00:09:58,001 --> 00:09:58,015
>> sheriff: oh.
308
00:09:58,017 --> 00:10:00,023
Well, uh, what should I do?
309
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:01,015
>> well, you have a gun.
310
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,019
I mean,
311
00:10:02,021 --> 00:10:05,023
That's -- [ inhales deeply ]
You know, either way, I've got
312
00:10:06,001 --> 00:10:07,003
To be out of here by 5:00.
313
00:10:07,005 --> 00:10:09,008
>> early: "Now get your stanky
Country ass off my land."
314
00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:11,019
>> [ distorted ] You know, what
I'd like you to do is get
315
00:10:11,021 --> 00:10:14,006
Your -- t-to remove your stanky
Country ass from my land.
316
00:10:14,008 --> 00:10:16,000
>> early: "Or I'll make mouth
Love to you with the barrel of
317
00:10:16,002 --> 00:10:17,005
My shotty."
318
00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,023
>> or I would be obligated to
Make mouth love to you with the
319
00:10:20,001 --> 00:10:21,023
Barrel of my shotty.
320
00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:22,015
Okay?
321
00:10:22,017 --> 00:10:24,000
>> early: [ laughing ] Damn.
322
00:10:24,002 --> 00:10:26,016
[ laughs ]
>> you know that during these
323
00:10:26,018 --> 00:10:29,012
Sessions, it's really more
Helpful that you be out
324
00:10:29,014 --> 00:10:31,023
Talking about your feelings and
Not -- and not just masturbating
325
00:10:32,001 --> 00:10:33,020
In my holodeck.
326
00:10:33,022 --> 00:10:35,004
>> early: what do you mean?
327
00:10:35,006 --> 00:10:36,009
I've growed a lot in these
Sessions.
328
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,007
[ chuckles ]
I mean, right back there in that
329
00:10:38,009 --> 00:10:39,020
Booth, I done growed about
6 in--
330
00:10:39,022 --> 00:10:42,016
>> okay, I know -- I know you're
Going for a joke, here, but --
331
00:10:42,018 --> 00:10:45,010
A-and while it's amusing, I'm
Late for my next appointment.
332
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:48,020
This shirtless carny and I are
Going -- we're gonna go totally
333
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:51,004
Family-style on your confused
Grandmother.
334
00:10:51,006 --> 00:10:53,020
>> granny: I've found only group
Therapy really does it for me
335
00:10:53,022 --> 00:10:54,013
Anymore.
336
00:10:54,015 --> 00:10:56,014
[ moaning ]
>> rusty: oh, no.
337
00:10:56,016 --> 00:10:59,021
So, this one actually happened,
Then, huh?
338
00:10:59,023 --> 00:11:01,004
>> early: aw, look at him.
339
00:11:01,006 --> 00:11:03,004
[ chuckles ]
Watchin' his first homemade
340
00:11:03,006 --> 00:11:03,020
Porno.
341
00:11:03,022 --> 00:11:04,008
Take a picture, granny.
342
00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,002
>> granny: today...
343
00:11:05,004 --> 00:11:07,000
You become a man.
344
00:11:07,002 --> 00:11:08,020
>> rusty: [ gags, vomits ]
345
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:29,011
>> all: jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
346
00:11:29,013 --> 00:11:31,011
>> early: w-w-whoo!
24886
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