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[ static ]
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[ country music plays ]
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>> ♪ my dreams are all dead and
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Buried ♪
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♪ sometimes I wish the sun would
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Just explode ♪
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♪ when god comes and calls me to
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His kingdom ♪
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♪ I'll take all you sons of
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Bitches when I go ♪
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[ yodeling ]
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>> rusty: my turn.
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>> early: hell no.
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>> rusty: man, let me drive that
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Thing!
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>> early: do not touch the trim!
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>> sheriff: all right, denny...
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Pull the switch.
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[ switch clanks ]
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[ switch clanking ]
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>> you dead yet?
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>> sheriff #2: damn it.
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I'll be down the hall if you
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Need me.
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>> sheriff: oh, "Go solar
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With the electric chair."
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Damn tree-huggin' bastards.
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How am I supposed to issue
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Extreme justice when it's been
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Overcast all week?
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>> dan halen: no, no.
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Shut it down.
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We'll execute him in a humane,
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Dignified, and morally
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Responsible way.
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He'll be slathered with gravy
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And ripped asunder by wild
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Chihuahuas wearing chain-saw
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Hats.
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>> hey!
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What about the fact I ain't
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Never not killed no one?
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>> sheriff: I hate to say it,
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But he's right.
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Capital punishment don't apply
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To petty theft.
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>> dan halen: I am not going to
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Appear soft on crime in front of
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A pay-per-view audience!
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>> dougal county's first
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Execution in 45 years, live in
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Your living room.
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It's time for the dog to saw the
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Meat, as ga-ga-pee-pap cuyler
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Takes an express train to the
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Big dirt nap courtesy of the
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State of georgia.
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Guess who's gonna win.
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The state of georgia.
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Only on pay-per-view.
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Order now.
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>> granny: I'm on it!
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[ speed-dialing ]
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>> rusty: he said that fella's
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Name was cuyler?
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What if he's related to us?
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>> early: hang on, now.
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Rusty's right.
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We oughta get us a discount,
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'cause I believe we somehow
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Involved here.
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>> granny: that man should burn
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In hell for what he done done to
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Us!
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>> rusty: what'd he do?
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>> granny: he done married me,
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Got me pregnant, and then ran
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Off with some floozy bitch and
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Had a baby.
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And that baby grew up to be me.
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>> early: you know, she don't
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Fully recollect her connection
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To the man.
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>> granny: who's a man?
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>> early: the point is, he ain't
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No damn good!
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One day, he took me out to play
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Some catch.
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>> see if you can catch this
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One.
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>> early: ow!
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>> keep your eye on the b.B.,
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Now.
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>> early: ooh!
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>> look it into your skin.
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>> early: ow!
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>> 'bout to earn my respect.
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>> early: then he said he was
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Goin' to pick somethin' up.
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>> get on over here!
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>> early: turns out he was
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Pickin' up a new family.
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>> yeah! Whoo!
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>> early: I want him dead!
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>> sheriff: gonna have to pat
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You down now, son.
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Hold 'em out.
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>> hey, now.
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I said related was fine, but
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It's gotta be a woman.
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I ain't into boys.
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As much.
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>> rusty: ga-ga, I'm
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Rusty cuyler.
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>> hell, he'll do.
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Turn around, now.
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Pretend that you at the circus
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Or somethin'.
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>> rusty: no, ga-ga. No.
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I'm your great-grandson.
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>> rusty?
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>> rusty: yeah.
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>> hell, I knowed it.
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Keep your eye on this one.
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He'll rob you blind, just like
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His granddaddy.
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>> sheriff: aha!
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So you
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>> oh, hell no!
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I done told your dumb ass I was
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Framed.
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>> rusty: is
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Here?
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>> whoo! Yeah!
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I tell you what, little man -- I
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Robbed their asses blind.
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>> sheriff: so, you admit it
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After all?
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>> allegedly!
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Go on, johnny law.
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Tell this little son of a bitch
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How I did what I did --
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Allegedly!
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>> sheriff: well, ol' 12-gun
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Here held up dougal credit union
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18 times in one day.
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>> I'm takin' that -- allegedly!
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>> sheriff: now, he got all the
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Money on the first one, but he
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Kept comin' back every 45
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Minutes or so.
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>> I'm takin' this, too --
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Allegedly!
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>> sheriff: he grabbed a chair
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Or a stack of envelopes.
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>> I'm takin' 'em!
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>> sheriff: hell, he even cut a
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Square out of the carpet just to
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Take it.
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No rhyme, no reason.
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Sometimes he'd steal stupid
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Things and give it to people
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Who didn't even want it.
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>> here. Take this.
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>> sheriff: an overall nuisance.
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>> and every time, I'd scream,
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"I got you again!"
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'cause I did. I got 'em again.
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>> sheriff: yep.
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You played us all day long,
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Until the bank closed at 4:00.
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>> what the?!
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>> sheriff: the next day, when
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You used that money to try to
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Set up a high-interest checkin'
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Account, well, we laid a little
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Trap.
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>> rusty: so, w-whatever
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Happened to the money?
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>> sheriff: no one really knows.
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I mean,
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I-I guess we shoulda asked.
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>> I ain't tellin'!
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So, come on over here now and
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Give us a deep, wet kiss.
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>> rusty: [ gagging ]
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>> oh, yeah.
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>> rusty: I don't understand
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This!
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>> you will in time, tasty lips.
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Mm. Mm.
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>> rusty: [ gagging ]
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>> ooh, yeah.
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>> sheriff: that's nice to see a
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Family reconnect like that.
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That's so hot.
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>> rusty: [ coughing ]
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>> early: and this here be the
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Map?
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>> rusty: yeah, he gave me that,
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And he said we'd rendezvous back
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Here after I bust him out of
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Jail.
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And we'd split all the money.
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>> granny: does this have
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Connection to this plus sign
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Over here?
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>> early: woman, don't be
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Botherin' me with the big plus
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Sign.
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Now, you get on back there and
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Tell that man to tell me where
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That damn money is!
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But you
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Ignore him -- the same damn way
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He ignored
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Just don't tell him a damn
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Thing.
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You go up to him and shut your
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Damn mouth.
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>> granny: but
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Had way better lovers --
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And fathers.
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>> rusty: well, you can tell him
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Yourself.
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I mean, like I said, we're gonna
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Be back here rendezvousin'...
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Which I hope is not the same
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Thing we did earlier in prison.
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>> granny: but he gonna be dead.
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Don't you watch tv ever?
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>> early: I wanna see his damn
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Eyeballs pop out!
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>> rusty: but I'm goin' to bust
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Him out!
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Weren't you even listenin'?
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>> early: well, now, I-I did see
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Them jaws a-movin'.
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Words.
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>> granny: oh, that was you?
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>> early: hey, what's that there
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Paper for?
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>> rusty: never mind.
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>> granny: you tell that man to
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Cling to life for as long as he
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Can.
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>> early: they need to make it
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Last!
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I ain't payin' $49.95 for no
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Damn three-second execution!
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>> all: [ chanting ] It's wrong!
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It's wrong!
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It's wrong you lived this long!
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You done been tried, and now
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You'll fry, as we sing this
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Song!
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>> rusty: reverend, ain't it a
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Sin to kill another human bein'?
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>> rusty, the bible sayeth, "Let
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He who killed shall be
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Killeth"...And so on.
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That's in the book of...Uh...
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I don't know.
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You know, one of those books.
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>> rusty: what about "Thou shalt
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What about that one, then?
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>> well, what about "Chaka khan,
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Chaka khan, let me rock you,
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Chaka khan"?
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>> rusty: well, now you're just
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Tryin' to confuse me.
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>> [ grunts ] Look, he took my
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Clay aiken cd set -- my box
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Set!
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Oh, insurance won't cover cds.
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Oh, oh, no, they won't tell you
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That.
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He should fry in hell!
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>> sheriff: sorry, rusty.
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Everything's gotta go through
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The x-ray, here.
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[ buzzing, beeping ]
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>> just as I suspected...
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Red velvet with cream-cheese
285
00:06:44,014 --> 00:06:45,008
Frostin'.
286
00:06:45,010 --> 00:06:47,011
>> sheriff: uh, denny, pat that
287
00:06:47,013 --> 00:06:48,008
Cake down.
288
00:06:48,010 --> 00:06:50,007
>> ♪ patty cake, patty cake,
289
00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,002
Baker's man ♪
290
00:06:52,004 --> 00:06:52,028
It's clean.
291
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,000
>> sheriff: mmm.
292
00:06:54,002 --> 00:06:55,018
I love that red-velvet stuff.
293
00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:57,002
>> oh, is that right,
294
00:06:57,004 --> 00:06:57,021
Johnny law?
295
00:06:57,023 --> 00:06:59,014
How 'bout you have a slice?!
296
00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:00,019
In your damn face!
297
00:07:00,021 --> 00:07:02,011
>> sheriff: aah! My throat!
298
00:07:02,013 --> 00:07:03,012
It's closin' up!
299
00:07:03,014 --> 00:07:04,029
This ain't gluten-free.
300
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:05,019
>> hell no!
301
00:07:05,021 --> 00:07:07,014
>> sheriff: I confided in you.
302
00:07:07,016 --> 00:07:09,009
[ gasping ]
303
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:10,009
>> get the keys, boy.
304
00:07:10,011 --> 00:07:11,019
>> sheriff #2: nice try, cuyler.
305
00:07:11,021 --> 00:07:12,012
>> what the?!
306
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:13,017
>> sheriff #2: but
307
00:07:13,019 --> 00:07:14,017
Allergic to glutens.
308
00:07:14,019 --> 00:07:16,011
>> go forth, my bumble servants.
309
00:07:16,013 --> 00:07:17,017
>> sheriff #2: ow! No!
310
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:19,004
He's been trainin' bees --
311
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:19,013
Ow!
312
00:07:19,015 --> 00:07:21,006
...But not to sing, like he told
313
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:21,015
Me.
314
00:07:21,017 --> 00:07:23,001
>> hell, I got you again!
315
00:07:23,003 --> 00:07:24,017
>> sheriff #2: there
316
00:07:24,019 --> 00:07:25,015
Club, is there?
317
00:07:25,017 --> 00:07:26,029
Ow! [ groans ]
318
00:07:27,001 --> 00:07:28,001
>> get them keys, boy!
319
00:07:28,003 --> 00:07:29,010
>> sheriff #3: now, enough of
320
00:07:29,012 --> 00:07:30,017
This funny business, cuyler.
321
00:07:30,019 --> 00:07:31,011
>> what the?!
322
00:07:31,013 --> 00:07:32,018
>> sheriff #3: it's time for
323
00:07:32,020 --> 00:07:33,013
Your last meal.
324
00:07:33,015 --> 00:07:34,006
>> [ sighs ]
325
00:07:34,008 --> 00:07:35,002
All right, then.
326
00:07:35,004 --> 00:07:36,018
I guess I want me one of them
327
00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,012
Sloppy lunar dogs from down at
328
00:07:38,014 --> 00:07:40,010
The red dwarf.
329
00:07:40,012 --> 00:07:41,001
[ buzzer ]
330
00:07:41,003 --> 00:07:42,005
>> sheriff: get me the
331
00:07:42,007 --> 00:07:42,029
Moon meal jr.
332
00:07:43,001 --> 00:07:44,010
Tell 'em the toy's for a boy,
333
00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:45,001
All right?
334
00:07:45,003 --> 00:07:46,003
Uh, here's my wallet.
335
00:07:46,005 --> 00:07:47,014
Just make sure you're back by
336
00:07:47,016 --> 00:07:48,001
9:00.
337
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:48,021
>> oh, you bet.
338
00:07:48,023 --> 00:07:50,005
>> rusty: I got your back,
339
00:07:50,007 --> 00:07:50,016
Ga-ga.
340
00:07:50,018 --> 00:07:51,017
Whaaaaa!
341
00:07:51,019 --> 00:07:52,013
>> never mind, son.
342
00:07:52,015 --> 00:07:53,020
I'll see you at the rendezvous.
343
00:07:53,022 --> 00:07:55,006
[ engine revs, tires screech ]
344
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,028
Get on over here!
345
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:57,018
Yeah! Whoo!
346
00:07:57,020 --> 00:07:59,020
[ tires screech, siren wails ]
347
00:08:01,029 --> 00:08:03,029
[ both snoring ]
348
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,016
>> sheriff: denny, get out of
349
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:07,009
That gravy.
350
00:08:07,011 --> 00:08:07,019
Lord.
351
00:08:07,021 --> 00:08:09,010
>> uh, could you get him to read
352
00:08:09,012 --> 00:08:10,007
The last rites?
353
00:08:10,009 --> 00:08:11,019
The new "Harry potter" starts
354
00:08:11,021 --> 00:08:12,014
At, uh, 9:35.
355
00:08:12,016 --> 00:08:13,008
[ chuckles ]
356
00:08:13,010 --> 00:08:14,029
I-I'd really love to protest it.
357
00:08:15,001 --> 00:08:16,014
>> sheriff: well, I'm sure he'll
358
00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:17,010
Be right back.
359
00:08:17,012 --> 00:08:19,000
I mean, after all, he
360
00:08:19,002 --> 00:08:21,003
My wallet with him.
361
00:08:24,008 --> 00:08:26,013
>> granny: [ grunting ]
362
00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:28,004
>> rusty: hell, he's supposed to
363
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:28,017
Be here.
364
00:08:28,019 --> 00:08:30,002
>> early: he ain't comin'.
365
00:08:30,004 --> 00:08:31,010
Hell, he didn't come to my
366
00:08:31,012 --> 00:08:32,028
Weddin', he didn't come to my
367
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,012
Graduation, my world premiere of
368
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,027
My "Rambo" movies out on the
369
00:08:35,029 --> 00:08:37,006
Dvd -- nothin' I imagined I
370
00:08:37,008 --> 00:08:37,027
Would do!
371
00:08:37,029 --> 00:08:39,010
That's who the sumbitch is.
372
00:08:39,012 --> 00:08:41,000
>> rusty: but he promised me
373
00:08:41,002 --> 00:08:42,007
He was gonna be here.
374
00:08:42,009 --> 00:08:43,029
>> early: son, his promises is
375
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,017
Like a big ol' damn chili fart.
376
00:08:45,019 --> 00:08:47,008
You crave the smell, but only
377
00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:49,002
When it comes from deep within.
378
00:08:49,004 --> 00:08:50,017
>> rusty: no, daddy, y-you're
379
00:08:50,019 --> 00:08:52,006
Talkin' 'bout your personal
380
00:08:52,008 --> 00:08:53,006
Faith in christ.
381
00:08:53,008 --> 00:08:54,011
>> early: oh, yeah.
382
00:08:54,013 --> 00:08:56,010
But, uh, your ga-ga, you know,
383
00:08:56,012 --> 00:08:58,003
Is like a chili fart, too.
384
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,016
It's only gonna hurt you if you
385
00:08:59,018 --> 00:09:00,013
Keep it inside.
386
00:09:00,015 --> 00:09:01,028
>> rusty: no, that's that one
387
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,007
About unrequited love now.
388
00:09:03,009 --> 00:09:04,026
>> early: look, damn it, I like
389
00:09:04,028 --> 00:09:06,005
To tie things back to farts
390
00:09:06,007 --> 00:09:07,003
Caused by chili!
391
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,008
Is that a crime?!
392
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:10,000
>> he cleaned out the condiment
393
00:09:10,002 --> 00:09:11,008
Bar and took out all the
394
00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:12,026
Napkins, and then he turned
395
00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:14,012
Around and gave 'em all back to
396
00:09:14,014 --> 00:09:14,027
Me.
397
00:09:14,029 --> 00:09:16,002
>> sheriff: [ sighs ]
398
00:09:16,004 --> 00:09:18,004
Well, did he at least order a
399
00:09:18,006 --> 00:09:19,017
Moon meal jr. With a
400
00:09:19,019 --> 00:09:21,029
Cheyenne cinnamon toy for a boy?
401
00:09:22,001 --> 00:09:22,017
>> no.
402
00:09:22,019 --> 00:09:23,017
>> sheriff: damn it!
403
00:09:23,019 --> 00:09:25,003
>> he said we better watch out.
404
00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:26,006
He's gonna get us again.
405
00:09:26,008 --> 00:09:27,002
>> sheriff: aha!
406
00:09:27,004 --> 00:09:28,010
It's a waitin' game now.
407
00:09:28,012 --> 00:09:29,000
>> yeah.
408
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,014
There's another car behind you.
409
00:09:30,016 --> 00:09:31,010
[ horn honks ]
410
00:09:31,012 --> 00:09:32,014
>> sheriff: it's him.
411
00:09:32,016 --> 00:09:34,005
>> if you could just please park
412
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:34,019
Forward.
413
00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:37,008
>> I told you -- don't not never
414
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,009
Not lay out my plans for no one!
415
00:09:40,011 --> 00:09:41,019
Now gimme all your unmarked
416
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:42,014
Burger buns!
417
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,004
>> sheriff: ga-ga, you're under
418
00:09:44,006 --> 00:09:44,017
Arrest.
419
00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:45,020
[ handcuffs click ]
420
00:09:45,022 --> 00:09:47,000
>> rusty: I thought you was
421
00:09:47,002 --> 00:09:48,001
Gonna come back, ga-ga.
422
00:09:48,003 --> 00:09:49,007
I thought you was my friend!
423
00:09:49,009 --> 00:09:50,013
>> son, there's somethin' you
424
00:09:50,015 --> 00:09:52,007
Got to understand.
425
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,010
I done got you again! Whoo!
426
00:09:54,012 --> 00:09:55,019
>> granny: so the "X" on the
427
00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:56,006
Floor?
428
00:09:56,008 --> 00:09:57,016
>> weren't nothin' but a plus
429
00:09:57,018 --> 00:09:58,002
Sign.
430
00:09:58,004 --> 00:09:59,010
I was hopin' to put a table
431
00:09:59,012 --> 00:10:00,005
There one day.
432
00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:01,020
>> granny: table
433
00:10:01,022 --> 00:10:02,007
There.
434
00:10:02,009 --> 00:10:03,018
>> rusty: what about that map?
435
00:10:03,020 --> 00:10:05,003
The one you gave me when our
436
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,007
Tongues were entangled?
437
00:10:06,009 --> 00:10:08,012
>> mm. Was it good for
438
00:10:08,014 --> 00:10:08,029
Mm.
439
00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:10,004
>> early: where's that money
440
00:10:10,006 --> 00:10:10,012
At?!
441
00:10:10,014 --> 00:10:11,019
I'm gonna ignore
442
00:10:11,021 --> 00:10:12,012
You ignored
443
00:10:12,014 --> 00:10:13,020
Only, I
444
00:10:13,022 --> 00:10:15,003
I need to know where that damn
445
00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,017
Money is!
446
00:10:16,019 --> 00:10:20,021
>> uh...
447
00:10:20,023 --> 00:10:21,019
I got you again!
448
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,013
[ chuckles ]
449
00:10:22,015 --> 00:10:23,028
>> rusty: do you even
450
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:24,014
The money is?
451
00:10:24,016 --> 00:10:25,020
>> sheriff: n-now, think about
452
00:10:25,022 --> 00:10:27,005
It -- where did you go after you
453
00:10:27,007 --> 00:10:28,000
Robbed the bank?
454
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:28,020
>> let's see.
455
00:10:28,022 --> 00:10:30,000
"I got 'em again"...
456
00:10:30,002 --> 00:10:31,014
I shouted, "I got you again."
457
00:10:31,016 --> 00:10:33,019
I went to the woods, back to the
458
00:10:33,021 --> 00:10:35,029
Bank, got 'em onced again, told
459
00:10:36,001 --> 00:10:37,000
Them so...
460
00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:39,017
Woods, bank, woods, bank, woods,
461
00:10:39,019 --> 00:10:40,016
Bank...
462
00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:41,009
Damn it!
463
00:10:41,011 --> 00:10:43,007
Left it on the hood of the cow!
464
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:44,012
[ flies buzzing ]
465
00:10:44,014 --> 00:10:45,010
[ cow moos ]
466
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:46,018
>> sheriff: come on, ga-ga.
467
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:48,006
Why don't you get in the front?
468
00:10:48,008 --> 00:10:49,018
I got my dry cleanin' back here
469
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:50,011
In the back.
470
00:10:50,013 --> 00:10:51,010
>> jingle, jingle!
471
00:10:51,012 --> 00:10:52,006
I got you again!
472
00:10:52,008 --> 00:10:53,019
>> sheriff: no! My dry cleanin'!
473
00:10:53,021 --> 00:10:54,020
>> get on over here.
474
00:10:54,022 --> 00:10:55,029
>> granny: [ cackles ]
475
00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:56,018
>> yeah! Whoo!
476
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:57,015
>> granny: whoo!
477
00:10:57,017 --> 00:10:58,018
>> early: son, I know you
478
00:10:58,020 --> 00:10:59,029
Disappointified, but I told
479
00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:01,003
You -- he just ain't no good.
480
00:11:01,005 --> 00:11:02,013
>> rusty: [ voice breaking ] But
481
00:11:02,015 --> 00:11:03,016
He done -- he lied to me.
482
00:11:03,018 --> 00:11:05,000
>> early: just forget about it,
483
00:11:05,002 --> 00:11:05,010
Sport.
484
00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:05,028
Come on.
485
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,006
What do you say we play us some
486
00:11:07,008 --> 00:11:08,015
Catch?
487
00:11:08,017 --> 00:11:10,003
Now, just watch this b.B. All
488
00:11:10,005 --> 00:11:11,008
The way into your head.
489
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:12,016
Now, come on. Look it in.
490
00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:13,012
>> rusty: ohh!
491
00:11:13,014 --> 00:11:14,015
>> early: [ gulping ]
492
00:11:14,017 --> 00:11:16,008
Focus on it. Concentrate.
493
00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:17,010
>> rusty: ohh!
494
00:11:17,012 --> 00:11:19,012
>> early: look it in.
495
00:11:19,014 --> 00:11:20,018
And...Here we go.
496
00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,004
>> rusty: ohh! Damn!
497
00:11:22,006 --> 00:11:23,011
I love you, daddy.
498
00:11:23,013 --> 00:11:23,021
Ohh!
499
00:11:23,023 --> 00:11:25,015
>> early: I love you, too, son,
500
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,004
In the only way I know how.
501
00:11:27,006 --> 00:11:28,002
>> rusty: ohh!
502
00:11:28,004 --> 00:11:29,010
>> early: look at that.
503
00:11:29,012 --> 00:11:31,008
I got you again.
30828
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