All language subtitles for Squidbillies.S05E01.Need.for.Weed.1080p.HMAX.WEBRip.DD.2.0.x265-edge2020_track3_[eng]
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Ewe
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Ga
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kurdish (Soranî)
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lingala
Lithuanian
Lozi
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Nigerian Pidgin
Northern Sotho
Norwegian
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Occitan
Oriya
Oromo
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Punjabi
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Runyakitara
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Spanish (Latin American)
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tatar
Telugu
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Tshiluba
Tumbuka
Turkish
Turkmen
Twi
Uighur
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,012 --> 00:00:03,027
[ static ]
2
00:00:03,029 --> 00:00:08,008
[ country music plays ]
3
00:00:08,010 --> 00:00:10,006
>> ♪ well, my oldest son was
4
00:00:10,008 --> 00:00:12,028
Born an albino ♪
5
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,029
♪ and my youngest, uh, is
6
00:00:15,001 --> 00:00:17,010
Covered with hair ♪
7
00:00:17,012 --> 00:00:19,027
♪ and the middle one says he's a
8
00:00:19,029 --> 00:00:21,029
Homosexual ♪
9
00:00:22,001 --> 00:00:23,029
♪ and the other seven's gone,
10
00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:26,001
And I don't know where ♪
11
00:00:26,003 --> 00:00:27,019
♪ and I don't care ♪
12
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:28,014
>> rusty: my turn.
13
00:00:28,016 --> 00:00:29,009
>> early: hell no.
14
00:00:29,011 --> 00:00:30,015
>> rusty: man, let me drive that
15
00:00:30,017 --> 00:00:31,000
Thing!
16
00:00:31,002 --> 00:00:33,002
>> early: do not touch the trim!
17
00:00:34,012 --> 00:00:35,019
Ohhhh, my head.
18
00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,021
>> granny: [ groans ]
19
00:00:36,023 --> 00:00:37,021
>> early: [ gasps ]
20
00:00:37,023 --> 00:00:38,020
What in the hell?!
21
00:00:38,022 --> 00:00:40,006
Did we do somethin', you and
22
00:00:40,008 --> 00:00:40,015
Me?!
23
00:00:40,017 --> 00:00:42,003
>> granny: I'm not sure, but --
24
00:00:42,005 --> 00:00:43,003
>> early: oh, hell!
25
00:00:43,005 --> 00:00:44,015
>> granny: ...Just so you know,
26
00:00:44,017 --> 00:00:46,001
I can't get pregnant no more.
27
00:00:46,003 --> 00:00:47,003
>> early: whoa, now!
28
00:00:47,005 --> 00:00:48,005
Did
29
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:49,013
>> rusty: ain't do nothin'.
30
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,019
I ain't like that, daddy.
31
00:00:50,021 --> 00:00:52,004
I had one of them dreams last
32
00:00:52,006 --> 00:00:53,013
Night that godzilly came over
33
00:00:53,015 --> 00:00:55,000
Here and tilted our house up off
34
00:00:55,002 --> 00:00:55,016
The ground.
35
00:00:55,018 --> 00:00:56,010
>> early: son.
36
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:57,008
Son, now, come on.
37
00:00:57,010 --> 00:00:58,006
That's impossible.
38
00:00:58,008 --> 00:00:59,016
I mean, ol' godzilla, he lives
39
00:00:59,018 --> 00:01:00,021
Up there in ja-pan.
40
00:01:00,023 --> 00:01:02,013
And that's a long-ass commute
41
00:01:02,015 --> 00:01:04,004
Just for a beatdown, okay?
42
00:01:04,006 --> 00:01:05,005
No, godzilly ain't got no --
43
00:01:05,007 --> 00:01:06,027
[ rumbling ]
44
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:07,017
It's godzilla!
45
00:01:07,019 --> 00:01:08,015
>> granny: oh, no!
46
00:01:08,017 --> 00:01:09,015
It's godzilly!
47
00:01:09,017 --> 00:01:11,007
>> early: we have angered him!
48
00:01:11,009 --> 00:01:13,003
Son, fetch my emergency hat!
49
00:01:13,005 --> 00:01:14,011
>> rusty: godzilly!
50
00:01:14,013 --> 00:01:15,011
Aaaaaaaah!
51
00:01:15,013 --> 00:01:17,006
>> early: all right, there we
52
00:01:17,008 --> 00:01:17,016
Go.
53
00:01:17,018 --> 00:01:19,000
Assume the position.
54
00:01:19,002 --> 00:01:20,000
Do it! Do it!
55
00:01:20,002 --> 00:01:21,008
[ engines revving ]
56
00:01:21,010 --> 00:01:25,006
[ helicopter blades whirring ]
57
00:01:25,008 --> 00:01:26,000
[ rumbling stops ]
58
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,011
>> early: aw, look at this
59
00:01:27,013 --> 00:01:27,029
Place.
60
00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:29,007
Lil, clean up this mess.
61
00:01:29,009 --> 00:01:30,009
>> lil: [ groans ]
62
00:01:30,011 --> 00:01:32,000
>> early: damn, you sloppy-ass
63
00:01:32,002 --> 00:01:32,012
Bitch.
64
00:01:32,014 --> 00:01:33,016
Checked out on meth.
65
00:01:33,018 --> 00:01:37,013
Ain't got a sumbitchin' clue.
66
00:01:37,015 --> 00:01:38,015
>> lil: hey! Miguel!
67
00:01:38,017 --> 00:01:40,003
Get that batch of sour diesel
68
00:01:40,005 --> 00:01:41,005
Wrapped and loaded.
69
00:01:41,007 --> 00:01:42,019
Make sure you have the o.G. Kush
70
00:01:42,021 --> 00:01:44,008
And strawberry cough dried and
71
00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:45,012
Labeled before you go.
72
00:01:45,014 --> 00:01:47,004
>> but these are all the -- the
73
00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:47,015
Same.
74
00:01:47,017 --> 00:01:49,002
>> lil: it's marketin', you
75
00:01:49,004 --> 00:01:49,016
Dumbass!
76
00:01:49,018 --> 00:01:50,012
Now, come on!
77
00:01:50,014 --> 00:01:52,020
Bonnaroo is in tres días!
78
00:01:52,022 --> 00:01:54,002
[ alarm blaring ]
79
00:01:54,004 --> 00:01:55,003
It's the pigs.
80
00:01:55,005 --> 00:01:56,018
Lights out. Nobody move.
81
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:57,014
Isilencio!
82
00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,028
[ siren wails ]
83
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,014
[ engine shuts off ]
84
00:02:00,016 --> 00:02:02,027
>> sheriff: hey, uh, groovers.
85
00:02:02,029 --> 00:02:05,007
Uh, it's 20 minutes after 4:00.
86
00:02:05,009 --> 00:02:07,007
Anybody want to get, uh,
87
00:02:07,009 --> 00:02:10,017
Sky-high on some, uh, grass?
88
00:02:10,019 --> 00:02:11,016
>> early: are you a cop,
89
00:02:11,018 --> 00:02:12,003
Sheriff?
90
00:02:12,005 --> 00:02:13,005
>> sheriff: oh, no way, bro.
91
00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:14,012
>> early: 'cause you supposed to
92
00:02:14,014 --> 00:02:15,017
Tell us if you was the po-lice.
93
00:02:15,019 --> 00:02:16,017
>> sheriff: come on, now.
94
00:02:16,019 --> 00:02:18,002
L-let's just, uh...
95
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:18,027
[ clears throat ]
96
00:02:18,029 --> 00:02:20,010
Let's inhale some drugs
97
00:02:20,012 --> 00:02:21,005
Together.
98
00:02:21,007 --> 00:02:23,014
Or maybe we could rub some drugs
99
00:02:23,016 --> 00:02:25,016
On our gums and experience a
100
00:02:25,018 --> 00:02:27,019
Kind of feeling of euphoria.
101
00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:28,017
>> early: all right.
102
00:02:28,019 --> 00:02:29,012
All right, then.
103
00:02:29,014 --> 00:02:30,017
Hell yeah! That sounds good!
104
00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:32,011
>> sheriff: okay. Yeah.
105
00:02:32,013 --> 00:02:34,000
W-w-where's mary and johnny?
106
00:02:34,002 --> 00:02:35,004
'cause I want to get gassed.
107
00:02:35,006 --> 00:02:36,008
>> early: yeah, now! Me too!
108
00:02:36,010 --> 00:02:37,010
>> granny: yeah, also me.
109
00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:38,013
>> rusty: I'll try anything
110
00:02:38,015 --> 00:02:38,028
Once.
111
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:39,027
>> early: there you go!
112
00:02:39,029 --> 00:02:41,003
>> sheriff: let's go on a drug
113
00:02:41,005 --> 00:02:41,012
Trip.
114
00:02:41,014 --> 00:02:42,014
>> granny: yeah, let's go!
115
00:02:42,016 --> 00:02:43,013
>> early: let's do it!
116
00:02:43,015 --> 00:02:44,012
Hell, I'm down with it!
117
00:02:44,014 --> 00:02:45,015
>> rusty: can't get worse.
118
00:02:45,017 --> 00:02:46,011
>> early: let's go.
119
00:02:46,013 --> 00:02:47,017
>> sheriff: uh, let's do it --
120
00:02:47,019 --> 00:02:48,001
Now.
121
00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:49,004
>> early: all right, then.
122
00:02:49,006 --> 00:02:49,018
Let's do it.
123
00:02:49,020 --> 00:02:51,020
>> granny: all right.
124
00:02:55,015 --> 00:02:56,015
>> sheriff: [ sighs ]
125
00:02:56,017 --> 00:02:57,029
Y'all ain't got no drugs, do
126
00:02:58,001 --> 00:02:58,008
You?
127
00:02:58,010 --> 00:02:59,017
>> early: no, we ain't got no
128
00:02:59,019 --> 00:03:00,004
Drugs.
129
00:03:00,006 --> 00:03:00,026
No. Hunh-unh.
130
00:03:00,028 --> 00:03:02,001
>> granny: how about
131
00:03:02,003 --> 00:03:03,010
>> sheriff: [ sighs ] Fine.
132
00:03:03,012 --> 00:03:04,010
Want to play dumb?
133
00:03:04,012 --> 00:03:05,001
Come on, boy.
134
00:03:05,003 --> 00:03:06,005
Get out there and sniff them
135
00:03:06,007 --> 00:03:06,017
Drugs out.
136
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,019
Come on. [ clicks tongue ]
137
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,006
Come on.
138
00:03:08,008 --> 00:03:09,006
>> rusty: sheriff, uh --
139
00:03:09,008 --> 00:03:10,009
>> sheriff: get your scent.
140
00:03:10,011 --> 00:03:11,000
There you go.
141
00:03:11,002 --> 00:03:12,006
>> rusty: h-h-he ain't movin'.
142
00:03:12,008 --> 00:03:13,010
>> sheriff: he's just scopin'
143
00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:14,002
Out the scene.
144
00:03:14,004 --> 00:03:15,029
You know -- playin' dead.
145
00:03:16,001 --> 00:03:19,013
[ flies buzzing ]
146
00:03:19,015 --> 00:03:21,010
Early, you said this was a drug
147
00:03:21,012 --> 00:03:22,000
Possum.
148
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:22,018
>> early: it
149
00:03:22,020 --> 00:03:24,002
Drug it over here from the side
150
00:03:24,004 --> 00:03:25,009
Of the road to sell it to
151
00:03:25,011 --> 00:03:25,027
Dumb ass.
152
00:03:25,029 --> 00:03:26,017
>> sheriff: fine.
153
00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:27,019
We'll just do it with the
154
00:03:27,021 --> 00:03:28,029
Gerbil.
155
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,008
I got all day.
156
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,000
>> rusty: what's this all about,
157
00:03:33,002 --> 00:03:33,013
Sheriff?
158
00:03:33,015 --> 00:03:35,004
>> sheriff: well, we're gettin'
159
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,016
Reports of a lot of marijuana
160
00:03:36,018 --> 00:03:37,020
Traffic comin' out of
161
00:03:37,022 --> 00:03:38,027
Dougal county, see.
162
00:03:38,029 --> 00:03:40,013
And the gbi sent these satellite
163
00:03:40,015 --> 00:03:42,004
Photos of your property.
164
00:03:42,006 --> 00:03:43,006
Look right here.
165
00:03:43,008 --> 00:03:44,028
That's your shack, and this
166
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,011
Here's widespread panic.
167
00:03:46,013 --> 00:03:48,000
They been playin' on your
168
00:03:48,002 --> 00:03:49,007
Back 40 for 3 days.
169
00:03:49,009 --> 00:03:51,000
>> granny: is that what that
170
00:03:51,002 --> 00:03:52,011
Rattlin' was all about?
171
00:03:52,013 --> 00:03:56,012
[ rock music playing ]
172
00:03:56,014 --> 00:03:57,015
>> early: hey!
173
00:03:57,017 --> 00:03:58,020
Turn that damn mess down!
174
00:03:58,022 --> 00:03:59,028
>> granny: devil music!
175
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,006
>> early: sing me a song about
176
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:01,018
America!
177
00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:03,003
>> granny: you filthy hippies!
178
00:04:03,005 --> 00:04:04,009
>> early: mud-waterin'-at-
179
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,014
Woodstock damn sumbitchin'
180
00:04:05,016 --> 00:04:06,003
Hippies!
181
00:04:06,005 --> 00:04:07,010
>> sheriff: point me to your
182
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:08,008
Drug stash -- now.
183
00:04:08,010 --> 00:04:09,007
>> early: aw, hell.
184
00:04:09,009 --> 00:04:10,026
This ain't about my private plot
185
00:04:10,028 --> 00:04:11,018
Back there, is it?
186
00:04:11,020 --> 00:04:12,015
>> sheriff: nah.
187
00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:13,029
That's just small potatoes.
188
00:04:14,001 --> 00:04:14,029
>> early: oh, good.
189
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,002
>> sheriff: no, really.
190
00:04:16,004 --> 00:04:17,007
Those are literally tiny
191
00:04:17,009 --> 00:04:17,027
Potatoes.
192
00:04:17,029 --> 00:04:18,017
We tested them.
193
00:04:18,019 --> 00:04:20,003
Do you really get off of that?
194
00:04:20,005 --> 00:04:20,029
>> early: nope.
195
00:04:21,001 --> 00:04:22,004
[ inhales deeply ]
196
00:04:22,006 --> 00:04:24,001
[ strained ] Suppose I shoulda
197
00:04:24,003 --> 00:04:25,009
Read the seed packet.
198
00:04:25,011 --> 00:04:26,007
[ coughing ]
199
00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:27,004
>> sheriff: oh, well.
200
00:04:27,006 --> 00:04:28,008
If y'all find anything out, just
201
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:28,027
Let me know.
202
00:04:28,029 --> 00:04:29,027
>> early: all right, then.
203
00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:30,012
See you later.
204
00:04:30,014 --> 00:04:31,008
>> granny: toodle-oo.
205
00:04:31,010 --> 00:04:32,006
>> rusty: see you later,
206
00:04:32,008 --> 00:04:32,016
Sheriff.
207
00:04:32,018 --> 00:04:33,003
>> iadiós!
208
00:04:33,005 --> 00:04:33,015
>> iadiós!
209
00:04:33,017 --> 00:04:36,019
>> iadiós, amigo!
210
00:04:36,021 --> 00:04:38,004
>> sheriff: hang on just a
211
00:04:38,006 --> 00:04:38,017
Minute.
212
00:04:38,019 --> 00:04:40,006
[ helicopter blades whirring ]
213
00:04:40,008 --> 00:04:41,027
Tax assessor's gonna want to see
214
00:04:41,029 --> 00:04:42,008
That.
215
00:04:42,010 --> 00:04:43,016
[ camera shutter clicks ]
216
00:04:43,018 --> 00:04:44,027
He'd probably call it a
217
00:04:44,029 --> 00:04:46,003
Split-level, I betcha.
218
00:04:46,005 --> 00:04:47,004
>> rusty: hell yeah!
219
00:04:47,006 --> 00:04:48,006
We got us a basement!
220
00:04:48,008 --> 00:04:49,003
>> granny: yeah!
221
00:04:49,005 --> 00:04:50,014
>> rusty: we gonna have us some
222
00:04:50,016 --> 00:04:50,029
Fun!
223
00:04:51,001 --> 00:04:52,009
>> granny: we can finally get
224
00:04:52,011 --> 00:04:53,019
The bumper pool table out the
225
00:04:53,021 --> 00:04:54,006
Yard.
226
00:04:54,008 --> 00:04:55,003
>> early: lil!
227
00:04:55,005 --> 00:04:56,009
Get your ass out here!
228
00:04:56,011 --> 00:04:57,018
You got some questions to
229
00:04:57,020 --> 00:04:58,007
Answer!
230
00:04:58,009 --> 00:05:00,000
Like -- like how you play bumper
231
00:05:00,002 --> 00:05:00,011
Pool.
232
00:05:00,013 --> 00:05:02,003
And why them bumpers so close to
233
00:05:02,005 --> 00:05:02,018
The hole.
234
00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:04,001
It don't make no sense.
235
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:04,017
[ grunts ]
236
00:05:04,019 --> 00:05:05,003
Lil!
237
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:05,027
[ gunshot ]
238
00:05:05,029 --> 00:05:06,019
What in the hell?!
239
00:05:06,021 --> 00:05:08,007
>> lil: ain't no one goin' down
240
00:05:08,009 --> 00:05:08,018
There.
241
00:05:08,020 --> 00:05:10,005
We shippin' out in three days.
242
00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:11,012
>> granny: it's a front?!
243
00:05:11,014 --> 00:05:12,013
>> early: [ laughs ]
244
00:05:12,015 --> 00:05:13,008
Novelty vomit.
245
00:05:13,010 --> 00:05:14,014
>> granny: she fooled us!
246
00:05:14,016 --> 00:05:15,014
>> early: oh, well.
247
00:05:15,016 --> 00:05:17,002
[ grunting ] Lift up the house.
248
00:05:17,004 --> 00:05:18,027
I'm takin' all your drugs.
249
00:05:18,029 --> 00:05:19,018
[ laughs ]
250
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:20,019
[ guns cock ]
251
00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:21,013
What the he--
252
00:05:21,015 --> 00:05:22,026
>> lil: you want some of my
253
00:05:22,028 --> 00:05:23,006
Weed?
254
00:05:23,008 --> 00:05:24,016
You got to get a prescription.
255
00:05:24,018 --> 00:05:26,003
>> early: now, remember what I
256
00:05:26,005 --> 00:05:26,018
Said, now.
257
00:05:26,020 --> 00:05:27,029
Keep your story straight.
258
00:05:28,001 --> 00:05:29,007
You been strugglin' with the
259
00:05:29,009 --> 00:05:30,026
Lower-back pain, and
260
00:05:30,028 --> 00:05:32,003
Degenerative eye condition.
261
00:05:32,005 --> 00:05:33,003
>> granny: no, I --
262
00:05:33,005 --> 00:05:34,005
>> early: yes...You...Do!
263
00:05:34,007 --> 00:05:35,005
>> granny: [ groans ]
264
00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:36,005
>> okay, uh...
265
00:05:36,007 --> 00:05:37,008
Oh. Yeah.
266
00:05:37,010 --> 00:05:40,000
Looks like a hernisnated disc
267
00:05:40,002 --> 00:05:42,010
And, uh, a case of the old
268
00:05:42,012 --> 00:05:43,014
Glo-cauma.
269
00:05:43,016 --> 00:05:45,028
So I'm gonna go with, uh,
270
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,002
Marijuana.
271
00:05:47,004 --> 00:05:48,012
>> granny: hooray!
272
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,002
Ohh.
273
00:05:49,004 --> 00:05:50,012
>> early: finally!
274
00:05:50,014 --> 00:05:52,020
I can feel comfortable in social
275
00:05:52,022 --> 00:05:53,020
Situations!
276
00:05:53,022 --> 00:05:55,000
You get them hands up where I
277
00:05:55,002 --> 00:05:55,014
Can see 'em.
278
00:05:55,016 --> 00:05:56,003
>> okeydoke.
279
00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:57,010
>> early: I can't -- I can't see
280
00:05:57,012 --> 00:05:57,029
Your hands.
281
00:05:58,001 --> 00:05:59,002
Where the hell your hands at?
282
00:05:59,004 --> 00:06:00,001
>> granny: [ giggling ]
283
00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:00,020
>> is that better?
284
00:06:00,022 --> 00:06:01,029
>> early: ooh. There they are.
285
00:06:02,001 --> 00:06:02,015
All right, now.
286
00:06:02,017 --> 00:06:03,027
What was I gonna do here?
287
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:05,010
>> let me just turn this around.
288
00:06:05,012 --> 00:06:06,027
>> early: that's right -- the
289
00:06:06,029 --> 00:06:08,008
Boom-boom comes out that end.
290
00:06:08,010 --> 00:06:10,001
Ooh.
291
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,003
All right.
292
00:06:11,005 --> 00:06:13,005
You...
293
00:06:16,004 --> 00:06:17,001
Uhhhh...
294
00:06:17,003 --> 00:06:18,018
>> granny: this is frozen.
295
00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:20,016
>> early: I'll have every corn
296
00:06:20,018 --> 00:06:21,006
Dog...
297
00:06:21,008 --> 00:06:22,012
And some little doughnuts...
298
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,000
>> okay.
299
00:06:23,002 --> 00:06:24,001
>> granny: [ laughing ]
300
00:06:24,003 --> 00:06:25,003
>> early: four or five.
301
00:06:25,005 --> 00:06:26,027
>> here you go, early.
302
00:06:26,029 --> 00:06:29,001
>> early: mmm. Mmm.
303
00:06:29,003 --> 00:06:30,006
This is a robbery.
304
00:06:30,008 --> 00:06:32,028
>> granny: [ laughs ]
305
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:33,013
>> early: hey.
306
00:06:33,015 --> 00:06:34,015
I need me some clean urine
307
00:06:34,017 --> 00:06:35,004
Right now!
308
00:06:35,006 --> 00:06:36,004
>> you know they don't --
309
00:06:36,006 --> 00:06:37,009
>> early: people been a-watchin'
310
00:06:37,011 --> 00:06:37,017
Me.
311
00:06:37,019 --> 00:06:38,014
>> ...Drug-test here.
312
00:06:38,016 --> 00:06:39,026
>> early: I need what I need, so
313
00:06:39,028 --> 00:06:40,013
Piss in the mug!
314
00:06:40,015 --> 00:06:42,000
Come on. Here we go.
315
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,007
Shake the dew off.
316
00:06:43,009 --> 00:06:44,008
I'll catch it.
317
00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:46,006
Come on. Take your leak, now.
318
00:06:46,008 --> 00:06:48,012
>> [ urinating ]
319
00:06:48,014 --> 00:06:51,001
>> dan halen: gentlemen.
320
00:06:51,003 --> 00:06:52,007
>> early: wha...
321
00:06:52,009 --> 00:06:53,012
I ain't on drugs.
322
00:06:54,017 --> 00:06:56,005
You think I'm on drugs?
323
00:06:56,007 --> 00:06:58,005
Uh, ain't nobody here on drugs.
324
00:06:58,007 --> 00:06:59,011
>> that's, uh, that's my
325
00:06:59,013 --> 00:07:00,014
Father's day mug, so --
326
00:07:00,016 --> 00:07:01,028
>> early: I know that, glenn.
327
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,001
I got it off your desk.
328
00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:03,027
"Best dad ever!!!"
329
00:07:03,029 --> 00:07:04,012
[ laughs ]
330
00:07:04,014 --> 00:07:05,026
Your stupid young'uns are the
331
00:07:05,028 --> 00:07:07,017
Ones on drugs.
332
00:07:07,019 --> 00:07:10,014
Ahhh. Oh, yeah.
333
00:07:10,016 --> 00:07:12,017
This almost makes me not want to
334
00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:15,011
Stalk that abortion doctor.
335
00:07:15,013 --> 00:07:16,019
[ sighs ]
336
00:07:16,021 --> 00:07:17,009
Yeah.
337
00:07:17,011 --> 00:07:18,014
[ goggles whir ]
338
00:07:18,016 --> 00:07:20,018
Almost.
339
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:22,014
Mm. Look at that sky.
340
00:07:22,016 --> 00:07:23,018
>> granny: oh, yeah.
341
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:25,011
>> early: blows my mind to think
342
00:07:25,013 --> 00:07:27,002
That adam and eve used to bump
343
00:07:27,004 --> 00:07:28,015
The uglies right here, under
344
00:07:28,017 --> 00:07:30,005
These same stars, lo them 300
345
00:07:30,007 --> 00:07:30,027
Year ago.
346
00:07:30,029 --> 00:07:32,002
>> granny: [ laughs ]
347
00:07:32,004 --> 00:07:33,009
>> sheriff: I-I hate to
348
00:07:33,011 --> 00:07:35,000
Interrupt you and all, but did
349
00:07:35,002 --> 00:07:36,014
You know you was doin' 3 in a
350
00:07:36,016 --> 00:07:36,029
55?
351
00:07:37,001 --> 00:07:38,016
>> early: hell, I ain't drivin'.
352
00:07:38,018 --> 00:07:39,027
>> granny: [ laughs ]
353
00:07:39,029 --> 00:07:40,029
>> sheriff: where you headed
354
00:07:41,001 --> 00:07:41,013
Tonight, son?
355
00:07:41,015 --> 00:07:42,013
>> early: where are we
356
00:07:42,015 --> 00:07:43,006
Headed, sheriff?
357
00:07:43,008 --> 00:07:44,002
>> granny: [ laughs ]
358
00:07:44,004 --> 00:07:45,002
>> early: that's the
359
00:07:45,004 --> 00:07:47,016
Question, ain't it?
360
00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:49,001
>> sheriff: [ laughs ]
361
00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:49,028
You're right.
362
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,017
Whoo, boy. My thumb
363
00:07:51,019 --> 00:07:53,012
I just never noticed it before.
364
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:54,008
[ chuckles ]
365
00:07:54,010 --> 00:07:56,000
>> early: the lord god didn't
366
00:07:56,002 --> 00:07:57,011
Put no thumb on my hand.
367
00:07:57,013 --> 00:07:58,008
You know why?
368
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,004
>> granny: that's 'cause...
369
00:08:00,006 --> 00:08:01,029
God only don't...Give you no
370
00:08:02,001 --> 00:08:04,000
What he knows you can't handle.
371
00:08:04,002 --> 00:08:05,007
>> early: exactly.
372
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:06,016
>> granny: sheriff.
373
00:08:06,018 --> 00:08:08,002
[ rock music plays ]
374
00:08:08,004 --> 00:08:09,015
>> ♪ oh, the bakin' blues ♪
375
00:08:09,017 --> 00:08:11,014
>> early: damn. Listen to that.
376
00:08:11,016 --> 00:08:13,003
>> sheriff: [ coughing ]
377
00:08:13,005 --> 00:08:14,003
>> early: mm.
378
00:08:14,005 --> 00:08:15,025
That there is a stone-cold
379
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,010
Groove.
380
00:08:16,012 --> 00:08:18,008
>> sheriff: look at that thumb.
381
00:08:18,010 --> 00:08:20,000
It was there all the time.
382
00:08:20,002 --> 00:08:21,013
>> early: come on, now.
383
00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:23,010
Let's all us wiggle-dance now.
384
00:08:23,012 --> 00:08:23,029
Whoo!
385
00:08:24,001 --> 00:08:27,003
>> granny: ooh, I love wigglin'.
386
00:08:27,005 --> 00:08:29,018
>> ♪ smokin' granny's panties ♪
387
00:08:29,020 --> 00:08:34,010
♪ lord, make me squeal ♪
388
00:08:34,012 --> 00:08:35,010
>> sheriff: hell yeah!
389
00:08:35,012 --> 00:08:37,018
>> ♪ one in the morning ♪
390
00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:40,001
♪ smokin' granny's panties makes
391
00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:42,029
Me feel ♪
392
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:44,018
♪ aww! ♪
393
00:08:44,020 --> 00:08:47,010
[ glasses whirring, beeping ]
394
00:08:51,017 --> 00:08:52,018
Thank you, dougal county!
395
00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:53,016
>> early: hell yeah!
396
00:08:53,018 --> 00:08:54,009
>> thank you!
397
00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:55,012
>> early: coconuts, baby!
398
00:08:55,014 --> 00:08:56,011
>> sheriff: coconuts!
399
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,005
>> early: whoo!
400
00:08:57,007 --> 00:08:58,006
[ guns cock, feedback ]
401
00:08:58,008 --> 00:08:59,007
>> gbi! On the floor!
402
00:08:59,009 --> 00:09:00,013
Lock it down! Lock it down!
403
00:09:00,015 --> 00:09:01,017
>> early: whoa, now! Whoa!
404
00:09:01,019 --> 00:09:02,018
>> sheriff: oh, hell.
405
00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:03,016
>> early: hold on,
406
00:09:03,018 --> 00:09:04,013
Widespread panic!
407
00:09:04,015 --> 00:09:05,004
Y'all cops?
408
00:09:05,006 --> 00:09:05,027
>> yeah, man.
409
00:09:05,029 --> 00:09:06,029
You know, we just said that.
410
00:09:07,001 --> 00:09:08,001
>> sheriff: [ thinking ]
411
00:09:09,027 --> 00:09:10,028
>> early: I-it -- it ain't me!
412
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:11,014
It's the bitch!
413
00:09:11,016 --> 00:09:12,018
>> granny: yeah, she's the one.
414
00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:13,026
>> early: she runs the whole
415
00:09:13,028 --> 00:09:14,007
Operation!
416
00:09:14,009 --> 00:09:15,006
>> get the emts in here.
417
00:09:15,008 --> 00:09:16,010
It looks like he's given her an
418
00:09:16,012 --> 00:09:16,027
Overdose.
419
00:09:16,029 --> 00:09:18,002
>> early: she's cuttin' her eyes
420
00:09:18,004 --> 00:09:18,011
At me!
421
00:09:18,013 --> 00:09:19,009
>> granny: she's fakin'!
422
00:09:19,011 --> 00:09:20,008
>> early: come on, look!
423
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:20,029
She's a faker!
424
00:09:21,001 --> 00:09:22,002
>> sheriff:
425
00:09:24,017 --> 00:09:25,010
[ all muttering ]
426
00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:26,016
>> what the hell are all those
427
00:09:26,018 --> 00:09:27,018
Nude mexicans doing here?
428
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:28,018
>> early: they, uh...
429
00:09:28,020 --> 00:09:30,000
>> granny: they're my nannies.
430
00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:31,005
>> early: yeah, t-they're all
431
00:09:31,007 --> 00:09:31,017
Nannies.
432
00:09:31,019 --> 00:09:32,015
You know, for my boy.
433
00:09:32,017 --> 00:09:34,003
>> 15 naked male nannies?
434
00:09:34,005 --> 00:09:35,019
>> granny: he's got a lot of
435
00:09:35,021 --> 00:09:36,012
Problems.
436
00:09:36,014 --> 00:09:38,005
>> sheriff:
437
00:09:40,013 --> 00:09:41,026
Down on the floor!
438
00:09:41,028 --> 00:09:42,008
[ gunshots ]
439
00:09:42,010 --> 00:09:43,005
Everybody on the floor!
440
00:09:43,007 --> 00:09:45,002
Me too.
441
00:09:45,004 --> 00:09:47,005
We're all on the same level now.
442
00:09:47,007 --> 00:09:49,003
We're all at the same place.
443
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,000
Nobody's above anybody else.
444
00:09:51,002 --> 00:09:53,018
Everybody's the same now.
445
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:55,007
[ thinking ]
446
00:09:56,015 --> 00:09:57,009
>> jackpot.
447
00:09:57,011 --> 00:09:58,015
This is the stuff.
448
00:09:58,017 --> 00:10:00,000
>> round it up, boys.
449
00:10:00,002 --> 00:10:01,006
It's
450
00:10:01,008 --> 00:10:03,003
>> maybe we should ignite some
451
00:10:03,005 --> 00:10:04,018
Of this in the mobile lab.
452
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,002
Uh, you know, just to see how
453
00:10:06,004 --> 00:10:06,019
Strong it is.
454
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:08,006
>> so that no one ever again can
455
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:10,011
Smoke this particular...Weed...
456
00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:11,005
Without us.
457
00:10:11,007 --> 00:10:12,027
>> early: ain't y'all gonna do
458
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,029
The handcuffs now?
459
00:10:14,001 --> 00:10:15,014
Or you must have a little bit
460
00:10:15,016 --> 00:10:16,018
Different procedure?
461
00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:18,002
>> uh...
462
00:10:18,004 --> 00:10:19,012
>> um, this is just a verbal
463
00:10:19,014 --> 00:10:20,016
Warning.
464
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:21,016
>> drugs are bad.
465
00:10:21,018 --> 00:10:22,012
>> uh, see ya.
466
00:10:22,014 --> 00:10:23,013
>> stay in school!
467
00:10:23,015 --> 00:10:25,006
[ tires squeal, sirens wail ]
468
00:10:25,008 --> 00:10:26,010
>> was that widespread panic?
469
00:10:26,012 --> 00:10:27,014
>> looks like they got all of
470
00:10:27,016 --> 00:10:27,028
It.
471
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:28,017
>> again? Damn it!
472
00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:29,028
>> rusty: they didn't get
473
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:30,006
One.
474
00:10:30,008 --> 00:10:31,007
>> early: well, hell yeah!
475
00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:32,010
>> granny: let's light this
476
00:10:32,012 --> 00:10:32,019
Doob.
477
00:10:32,021 --> 00:10:33,018
>> early: come on, now!
478
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:36,018
Let's blaze one up! Whoo!
479
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:38,017
I mean...
480
00:10:38,019 --> 00:10:40,013
Let's destroy it...
481
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:42,005
In accordance with local
482
00:10:42,007 --> 00:10:42,021
Statutes.
483
00:10:42,023 --> 00:10:43,020
>> you're under arrest.
484
00:10:43,022 --> 00:10:44,015
>> early: damn it!
485
00:10:44,017 --> 00:10:45,008
>> granny: ohh!
486
00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:46,011
>> rusty: now, hang on, now.
487
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,017
Even the fda considers marijuana
488
00:10:47,019 --> 00:10:49,008
Non-addictive.
489
00:10:49,010 --> 00:10:50,020
Do you know that there was over
490
00:10:50,022 --> 00:10:53,007
435,000 tobacco- and
491
00:10:53,009 --> 00:10:54,029
Alcohol-related deaths last
492
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:55,012
Year?
493
00:10:55,014 --> 00:10:57,001
You know how many people
494
00:10:57,003 --> 00:10:58,005
Marijuana killed?
495
00:10:58,007 --> 00:10:58,016
One.
496
00:10:58,018 --> 00:11:00,006
One dumbass who tried to
497
00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:01,017
Hacky sack a tarantula.
498
00:11:01,019 --> 00:11:03,015
Now, gentlemen, my point is, I
499
00:11:03,017 --> 00:11:04,029
Urge you to take --
500
00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:05,029
>> early: damn it to hell!
501
00:11:06,001 --> 00:11:06,026
>> rusty: sorry, daddy.
502
00:11:06,028 --> 00:11:07,018
>> granny: what are you --
503
00:11:07,020 --> 00:11:08,007
A lobbyist?
504
00:11:08,009 --> 00:11:09,009
>> rusty: I didn't mean to get
505
00:11:09,011 --> 00:11:10,009
Us in here and everything.
506
00:11:10,011 --> 00:11:11,004
>> early: look here.
507
00:11:11,006 --> 00:11:13,010
Marijuana ain't gonna get us
508
00:11:13,012 --> 00:11:14,008
Nowhere.
509
00:11:14,010 --> 00:11:16,009
That's pretty damn clear.
510
00:11:16,011 --> 00:11:18,002
But I'll tell you what -- that
511
00:11:18,004 --> 00:11:19,020
Lemon-scented toilet wine will
512
00:11:19,022 --> 00:11:21,007
Show you the face of god!
513
00:11:21,009 --> 00:11:22,009
>> rusty: w-w-what is this
514
00:11:22,011 --> 00:11:22,019
Stuff?
515
00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:23,020
Is this furniture polish?
516
00:11:23,022 --> 00:11:24,017
>> early: [ coughs ]
517
00:11:24,019 --> 00:11:26,019
[ country music plays ]
31298