Original subtitles

[ radio static ] ♪ [ country music plays ]

♪ she run off And took our only chicken ♪

♪ when I broke jail The house was burnt and bare ♪

♪ the japs moved the plant Back to osaki ♪

♪ some days life just don't Seem that fair ♪

♪ I don't even care >> my turn!

>> hell naw.

>> hey, man, let me drive That thing, come on!

>> do not touch the trim!

>> early: alright listen up now!

The sack race is about to Commence.

On my mark-- >> can I dump out these rocks?

>> no, no son.

That's ballast weight.

Momentum stone.

On my mark!

>> why ain't you got no sack, Daddy?

>> boy, I do without So you can have the things

That I can't have.

>> yeah but I mean- >> now you save your breath for

The race.

>> but I can't breathe.

>> well that there, uh, that's To decrease the wind resistance.

Hell ain't you never learned Nothin' from watching american

Chopper?

>> something- something Crawled on my face!

>> oh yeah, Them's the motivatical uh,

Scorpions.

Yeah I put in a couple for ya.

They're gonna fastatize you.

>> jesus is gonna guide me To victory anyway.

>> eh-eh-eh -no help from jesus.

That's cheatin'.

>> alright.

>> ready, set...

>> dear jesus, give me Booster foot rockets --

>> not no help from jesus!

>> go!

>> wait, daddy!

Wait a minute daddy!

Stop- stop daddy!

>> I'm getting bit!

I'm bleeding!

>> rusty: I knew this wasn't Gonna be fun.

>> I win, I win! Whoo!

Hell yeah!!

That was a thinkin' man's Victory there!

Woo!

>> dirt burgers are ready!

Come on get em'.

>> the way I left you in the Dust, you like that?

Damn its like ya'll weren't Even racing me!

>> where are they?

>> it's family style.

Just scoop your hands together And help yourself.

>> did I win?

>> ain't got no dirt fried dirt?

>> over there by the dirt Balloons and the dirt pony.

>> a dirt pony?

Dirt pony! Whoo!

This is better than last year!

>> are we done now?

Can I go home?

It was nice seeing y'all.

See you in a few years.

Inside.

Later tonight.

♪ [ jass music plays ] >> well we made pretty

Good time.

It's just under four hours I guess.

>> is that them?

>> come on dusty!

Get on dusty! Go!

I love you dusty.

>> yeah.

>> parker! Posey!

Have a squirt of anti-bacterial.

All over your body.

Every-everywhere.

>> why do you have to be Like that?

>> your daddy's home is dirty.

>> honey, you're Programming them with fear.

>> well look at them.

They are literally eating dirt.

>> fiona.

This is my family.

>> you were smart enough to Get your ged and get the hell

Out.

You don't have to prove a thing To these people.

>> we do every holiday With your family.

>> but those trips are fun.

And my father loves you.

>> yeah, "Need a hand?

Huh-huh-huh- huh.

No I see you've got plenty.

Huh-huh-huh."

Or your mom always checking Where I sat for ink.

Always.

>> you have to catch it Before the stain sets.

>> it was one time!

One time fiona.

It's a defense mechanism.

>> daddy wasn't hunting you.

He was offering you mashed Potatoes.

>> look, can we just not fight?

We're here.

We're in nature.

Look kids! A squirrel!

I told you they were real.

You see it?

Kids?

>> take out your god damn earbus And enjoy nature!

>> l'il: chalkie wagon at Twelve o' clock.

>> I've been smelling mayo For 15 minutes.

Damn meringues.

>> they probably want our Picnic table.

>> hell, they probably Reserved it with a creamy white

Sign up sheet.

>> damn chalkies!

>> I guess we best whip up Some whippy cream.

>> whip, whip, whippy cream.

>> the chalkie scourge is Upongst us.

>> yeah.

>> we about to look into this.

>> they're coming.

Kids, your relatives are coming.

>> remember what I said About good touch bad touch?

>> fiona?

[ sighs ] >> be very scared kids.

>> oh god!

>> well, now look who come Down from the city with the big

Ol' boobies?

>> honey, he's-he's kidding.

>> come on!

Let's get some hugs here!

>> please, he's sticky!

>> I have missed you!

>> we haven't met!

>> hmm, yea.

Wasn't invited to the wedding.

I get it, it's a numbers game.

Come on, we're family.

Give me some sugar!

>> no!

>> come on. Look at me!

>> honey, he's just Kidding with you.

He jokes in a confrontational Manner.

>> [ laughs ] Yea, I do use humor

From time to time to mask My true desires about putting

The wood to your wife.

I'm gonna curl them toes In time, little gal.

I'm gonna curl them toes In time.

>> do I see some little Mixed nuts back there

In the back of that car?

Come on out here hi-breeds And give your granny

A little hug.

No, no.

That was a figure of speech, You little pistachios.

>> granny!

>> what?

>> [ laughs ] That's funny as hell

What you just said.

Pistachios!

With their wasabi greeny skin!

Your younguns is pistachios!

>> I see you going for my Wallet!

You lazy pistachio.

>> that's enough.

>> some of us work hard for What we have!

>> please granny!

>> not like you and your Chalkie mama.

>> hey, that's enough.

>> what?

>> the kids have enough Trouble at school without

Having to hear it from family.

>> I'm sorry derwood.

I just said out loud What I'm going to say again

When you leave.

>> granny, now fiona made Some potato salad.

Where uh, where do you want us To put it?

>> how about up that That yogurt lovin' chalk hole

You call your ass?

>> granny.

>> I'm sorry, but once you Go white you ain't right.

>> that's it.

Kids, get in the car.

>> honey, please let me -- >> hey let me get in that

Car too!

I want to get in the car!

Hey daddy look at me, I'm inside the car!

>> I see you son.

>> I am in this car!

>> you hit the big time.

>> hey ma-man.

Where's this cold breeze Coming from?

Is that winter time coming out There?

>> refrigified air?

>> [ laughs ] Paying for air.

Hell, they got you coming And going boy.

You probably paying for water Too.

>> you must be workin you one Of them worky jobs.

>> yeah, I've been an insurance Adjuster for about 14 years.

Nothing exciting, But it pays the bills.

>> hell, I wish I could pay My bills.

Understand now uh, I ain't Lookin for no handouts-

>> I...

>> but I will talk about me Not having no damn money for

Quite a while.

There will be some silent Moments.

Thoughts to ponder My monatatious situations.

I'll make it awkward.

>> well I, ya know.

We don't bring a lot of cash On trips.

We use a...

Well, maybe ya know I could uh, I could spot you a little

Something-- >> no! No money!

Unh-unh!

>> hey now.

Don't listen to her.

Come inside away from the bitch.

I'll give ya the tour!

Here's that room I spoke of.

Four walls.

>> this is our window.

>> and there's a roach.

And there's the roach's family.

Right there, right there.

They buried in his skin.

>> can I take your coat...

And go through it?

>> no that's okay.

You don't recycle do you?

>> motorcycle?

>> nevermind.

>> motocross?

>> I'll just keep it.

Place it in the old cargo Shorts.

>> alright, let's talk some Business here.

Everybody says you know you Gotta have money to make money,

Right?

My issue is I ain't got No damn money.

>> I'm still paying off My collagen buttcheeks.

>> yeah, those Pharmaceutical companies can

Really stick it to you.

>> so does them turpentine Companies.

3.99 for this?

[ inhales ] And now it's gone.

This here is a legitimate Business expense for me.

>> oh, you've started A business?

>> can I give you the pitch?

>> now that there Is that unicorn from that

Cheyenne cinnamon movie what The burger lord been givin out.

>> that's worth upwards of Three dollars.

>> see it ain't no game No more!

>> I don't think I remember This movie.

>> don't touch it!

>> fingerprints degradulate The valutation of it.

You put the whole operation In jeopardy!

Dumbass.

>> is there a business Plan here?

>> you bet.

Plan to make a fortune.

Back up.

Let it appreciafy.

>> umm..

>> wait, watch, listen.

Coins, monies.

[ inhales ] >> ok, rusty!

You're pretty quiet.

How's school?

>> [ inaudibly mumbling ] >> oh look.

He's got a touch of the lockjaw Again.

>> aaah!

>> god forbid the things This boy's gonna drag home

When he's datin age!

>> thank you daddy.

>> did he not get any Immunizations?

>> immigrations?

He's legal to this country!

He's american!

>> no, no, no like medical Shots.

Medicine.

>> oh, well his grandmomma Handles the medicines.

>> bow our heads.

You too derwood.

Jesus, please place this boy In a magic bubble free from

Satan's germs and co-pay Provokin sneezes.

Amen.

>> amen.

>> immulatation updated.

Another well baby visit Complete.

>> uh, lockjaw is pretty Serious.

People usually get it from Running around barefoot in

Animal feces.

>> uh, I'd love to shoe The boy, but I'm an alcuholic.

[ gulping ] >> we did order one of them

Shoe trees from the catalog.

>> but, we had that drought Ya know.

And she bore no shoe fruit.

>> I bet we have an extra, What, six pairs at the house-

>> uh, what?

You got some shoes?

You got some shoes in the city Where you from?

>> now, derwood you know how I feel about handouts.

Cash is much more flexible.

Well hell, cash is king.

>> oh yea, I read the hat.

>> daddy, can I show uncle Derwood my art project?

>> [ sigh ] Must we do this?

>> I made this for you, Uncle derwood.

>> thank you, rusty.

>> I've had buttwipes that Had more concept and design.

>> you do understand what I'm saying, uncle derwood?

I made this for you.

>> derwood don't want none Of your jibbery babble that

What make that talky words.

>> you know what, I have an idea.

What if we took rusty off your Hands for a couple days?

>> how long's a day?

>> give you a break.

I'll bet it's tough being A single dad up here.

>> naw, naw it's easy.

Just tie him to the shoe tree Til the race is over.

>> well, maybe we could Tie him to our tree.

In the city.

Where we could feed him And clothe him.

And educate him.

>> and come back gay.

Hell I know that story!

>> I tell you what - I'll give you twenty dollars.

>> now if you have any problems Or need to get a hold of us,

Here's our numbers.

Number.

Number one.

Bulldogs number one! Whoo!

>> thanks, I got it.

>> go you silver britches!

Woo!

>> sorry, derwood.

I gotta feed the monkey.

>> l'il get that cat converter.

That's another 20 bills.

>> now if he starts askin Questions or gettin curious and

Mention anything food related, I suggest you ignore him and

He'll pass right out.

>> thanks.

We'll see you on monday.

>> you're never going back There.

>> hey can I plug this into My ears?

You know, like that guy?

You know, like a robot?

>> that's the garage door Opener.

>> ♪ sit on a tack ♪ sit on a tack

♪ if the devil don't like it He can sit on a tack ♪

>> he'll figure it out.

>> ♪ and go to h, e Double hockey sticks ♪

>> we can clean out the garage And we can put a cot there,

I'll talk to the principal.

We'll make this work.

Right?

Honey?

He has lockjaw for chrissakes!

>> well them elitist Alabastie cousins make some

Damn good tater salad.

>> boy I sure hope they don't Never bring him back no more!

>> well then ain't the state Gonna stop givin us that

Money check?

>> wait!

Get on back here!

Bring him back here!

It's wrong the way they took You from your daddy!

Ahhh!

Closed captions provided By turner studios.