Original subtitles

[ radio static ]

♪ my oldest son was born ♪

♪ an albino ♪

♪ my youngest was, uh,

Covered in hair ♪

♪ the middle one says ♪

♪ he's a homosexual ♪

♪ the other seven's gone ♪

♪ I don't know where ♪

♪ and I don't care ♪

♪ I just don't care ♪

>> my turn!

>> hell no.

>> hey, man, lemme drive

That thang!

>> do not touch the trim!

[ birds chirping ]

[ gunshot ]

>> bullseye! Whoo!

>> daddy, that new barrel

Sure gives you more range.

>> yup. Shoulda never sawed

The son of a bitch off

In the first place.

>> [ groaning ]

I think I need my walker

Looked at.

Damned thing's pulling

To the right.

>> check it out!

Silencer.

>> them baby birds gonna have

To live life with out a momma

No more.

>> yup. Just like you.

Bullseye!

>> well, guess I'll hop on down

There to the medicaid...

[ grunts ]

See if they'll give me

Another one.

>> hey, see if they'll give you

A few of 'em.

Want to give this thing

Sniper capability.

Bullseye!

>> aw.

Don't this just beat all?

>> c'mon man,

Just give her a ride.

>> [ sighs ]

Damn, alright.

>> yah! Yah! Whoo!

>> [ granny straining ]

>> yah! Giddup!

>> hey bud, you having

Some car trouble there?

>> nope, it's a high breed.

When it switches over,

Ooh she runs quiet.

>> I can't do this.

I'm a old woman.

>> I said it runs quiet!

Take a damn left, let's see

What kind of pick up you get

In the mountains.

Yah! Yah! Whoo!

Yah! Giddup bitch!

Get on! Get on! Whoo!

Get on up!

>> lord, help me jesus,

I can't go no farther.

>> remember,

You're pulling the truck,

But I'm pulling for you.

>> don't hand me that

Line of bull, lord.

>> check it out --

Huzzah!

>> [ squeaks ]

>> aw.

Why didn't I go shinto?

[ strains ]

Aah!

>> early: good job, granny.

I still got a whole quarter

Tank left.

[ starts engine ]

For revving!

Whoo! This here's made

In america baby!

Whoo!

[ explosion ]

[ early coughs ]

Damn!

Granny I'm switching

To battery.

>> [ imitates engine revving ]

>> rev, granny, rev! Whoo!

Put some gravitas in it.

Do it like you got a pair!

C'mon woman!

>> [ revving ]

♪ [pan flute] ♪

>> welcome, fair brother.

>> damn, you one big ass monk!

>> do you come seeking wisdom?

>> unh uh.

>> oh no.

>> I live up here,

In the fresh air.

Off the grid.

>> I don't remember asking ya.

>> now look at that.

You done got a thunderbolt

All over your face.

[thunder claps]

>> sha-ka ka-ka-kow!

You stand in the presence of

Thunderclap cherokee antwone!

[calmer] But I don't want

To talk about that.

I'm a wisdom seeker now.

>> do the thighs of thunder!

C'mon, snap her neck!

>> do it!

>> that was a long time ago,

Brother.

>> do it! C'mon, I wanna see it!

>> no, no I'm a different

Man now...

>> she won't feel a thang.

C'mon go ahead! Do it!

>> I left those violent

Ways behind.

>> c'mon do it for me!

>> no, no brother...

>> [chants] Thighs of thunder!

>> I couldn't possibly.

>> do the thighs of thunder!

>> do you really wanna see it?!

>> hell yea!

>> you know I do!

>> do you want to see it?!

>> do it, damn it!

>> I said,

Do you want to see it?!

>> I said yes!

>> then the thighs of thunder

Will rain down

From mount olympus!

>> hell yea!

>> ka-ka-ka-kow!

[ thunderclap reverberates ]

>> he's still got it!

>> huh? What'd you say?

>> what did

>> I'm trying to listen.

>> are you talking to me?

>> huh?

>> you wanted the heat,

You got the heat!!

But the heat must be

Hot no more.

>> whatever happened to you

Anyway?

>> brother, it's not something

I like to think about

Or talk about, but here's

What happened.

Thunderclap was in africa

Grappling at the give starvation

A smackdown slamathon for

Wrestlers without borders,

When the match got heated.

Thunderclap tagged his partner,

Ubuntu, too hard!

Too hard!!!

The repercussions were

Immediate.

Thunderclap lost his belt

And lost the thunderhummer

To his ex-wife, the less than

Lovely thunderbitch beth.

He only gets to spend every

Other weekend with thunderian

And thunderclaire.

>> early: okay, thunder.

>> he even lost his

Thunder reality show

Development deal...

>> alright! Thunder,

Thunder thunder. I get it.

>> stop with the damn thunder

Already.

>> aah!

>> damn.

>> it forced thunderclap

To look inward and reflect,

And I reflected

With a vengeance.

And I'll tell you this,

My brothers, thunderclap

Turned his back on violence,

Vowing never again to harm

A human being.

>> well, to be fair it's also

'cause you got your ass kicked

By everybody.

>> fair enough, brother.

>> belgian waffle.

Colonel cracker.

>> yes.

>> peewee.

>> the shrimp.

>> the lady man.

>> I remember.

>> the legion of gloom.

>> the raging papoose.

>> firecracker pete.

>> tiny tony.

>> give me a break!

>> the vegetable --

>> that's enough!

>> I mean I don't know how

He kicked yo ass cause all

You gotta do is pull the plug

And you win.

>> alright!

>> he wanted you to do it, but

You tripped over the power cord

And broke ya damn jaw!

>> that tears it, little man!

The clouds are gathering.

The thunder is about to break.

On you!

>> it's on! Whoo!

[ door opens, closes ]

Woo! It's on!

>> [ thunderclap roaring ]

>> no, no, no! It is off!

Come on now, it's off!

>> hey daddy.

>> oh hey.

Uh...You got yourself a fight

Next saturday.

>> wait, what?

>> I wanted to kick his ass

For you myself, but my damn

Carpal tunnel got me!

Too much blogging I reckon.

>> oh! Is he gone yet?

>> it's up to you, son.

Defend the family name!

♪ you got a fire

In your heart ♪

♪ and you're coming out

Fighting -- ♪

>> what the hell you doin, boy?

>> I'm training.

>> you're bruising my jerky.

>> I wanna win the fight.

>> you don't get ready for

A fight by training.

To be a winner, you gotta

[ whistles ]

>> this is the uh, horse,

We talked about?

>> that's the one.

>> okay, I uh, have no

Uh, reason to doubt you.

Says here it's uh, made to

Increase milk production,

But it'll probably work

For muscles, too.

>> alright son, open up

Your belly button and say "Ah."

>> ahhhh...

Aaaaaahhhhh!

[ musical montage ]

♪ you got a fire

In your heart ♪

♪ and a needle

For the lightning! ♪

♪ you need to juice up to win ♪

♪ and something about that

♪ just doesn't seem

Rightning ♪

>> I can't find my balls.

>> balls is a state of mind,

Son.

Hell, you got more balls than

You ever had.

Six or seven little bitty

Ones.

>> oh yeah, there they are.

>> damn.

Not a vein amongst 'em.

Aight, I reckon I'll have

To go into the eye.

>> owww!

>> holler if I touch the brain

Now.

♪ and when the pressure

Is on ♪

♪ and the temperature's

Heightening ♪

♪ you're gonna prove them wrong

♪ but you're cheating

♪ and you should know that

Isn't rightning ♪

>> granny: two.

Now go to five.

Now go to eleven.

Now go back to two.

>> uhh.

>> that's the commercial.

>> damn it.

>> no, go back to that.

I like that commercial.

>> just settle on a program!

>> damn you, bin laden!

>> early: yep, he's ready.

>> dan halen: ladies

And gentlemen, welcome

To the "Scorcha in georgia".

All proceeds go to literacy.

[laughing] Literacy.

Ah, I'm joking, of course.

All proceeds go to me.

>> wow rusty, you really

Bulked up for this.

>> all thanks to the walker

Texas ranger total gym.

Over 300 unique

Muscle-building exercises.

>> if you want to see

What round this is,

You gon' have to come to me.

>> alright you two,

Now we want a good clean --

>> you been talkin' about

My daddy!

>> I don't remember that?!

>> mine! Mine!

I got it! I got it!

>> praise jesus!

No clicks, bitch!

>> will you sign this?

It's for my grandson.

>> I am your grandson!

>> yeah, that's for him.

I told you, I am your grandson!

>> make it out to rusty.

>> aaargh!

>> you call yourself

A role model?

My grandson admires you!

>> [ shutters click,

Gavel pounds ]

>> order! Order, please!

>> I'd like to apologize for --

For any pain I may have caused.

And I want to move forward

Now.

All that's in the past.

>> at least 30 minutes ago.

Let's all move on. Can we?

>> russell, we don't care

About the drunk fighting.

It's the integrity of drunk

Fighting we're concerned

About.

Uh, could you tell the court

Please doctor, what you found

In rusty's exploded

Back zit pus?

>> bovine supplements.

>> betrayal!

>> human growth hormones.

>> y'all damn jumpin'

To confusions now.

>> pretty much uh, everything

At the uh, pharmacy.

>> them was vitamin supplements!

B12!

>> and these syringes here?

>> innocent flu shots.

His immune system's shot to

Piss cause of all them damn

'roids he took.

>> can you read this label

For the court please, rusty?

>> let me do it, rusty.

[ clears throat ]

No.

>> I'm afraid I'm going

To have to put an asterisk

By your name in the dougal

County big book of brawls.

>> that is bull mess!

>> unacceptable!

That's like a mark against

My son!

>> well, yeah, early.

That's exactly what it is.

But we can make it small.

>> this feud is not over,

Would-be seventh grader!

>> alright now.

>> but any chance of my having

A sexually fulfilling

Relationship with a female

Appears to be...

>> that's enough, thunderclap.

>> thunderclap was robbed.

>> thunderclap, seriously.

>> thunderclap wants a second

Shot at the belt.

[ audience murmuring ]

>> I've had enough!

I sentence everyone

In this courtroom to...

>> be there saturday

For the trouncin'

On the mountain!

Its gonna be a lot of ink

On the floor!

As mean ruby jean,

"The sagging senior" puts her

Winless record on the line

Against rusty, the "Ultimate

Octo-hick" cuyler.

>> I need money.

>> what money?

>> there ain't no money?

>> it's a blood feud.

All proceeds to go literacy.

Only on pay per view!

Captions providea By turner studios.