Original subtitles

- ♪ get your yankee ass Off my property ♪

♪ don't care if the bank Gave you a deed ♪

♪ this farm's been cuyler land For generations ♪

♪ since we beat back them Sneaky japanese ♪

♪ in the war of 1812

Bring our boys home.

- rusty: my turn. - early: hell no.

- rusty: let me drive That thing!

- early: do not touch the trim!

- dan halen: the tender, juicy

Deep-fried pine booby.

There are only a precious few Of them left.

And each day, their fragile Habitat is compromised...

[ snap! ]

...By an exciting New shopping experience --

Pavement plains super mall!

A mall where we sell malls --

That's how big it is.

Let's see where the booby Runs then.

[ cackles maniacally ]

So join the hunt, won't you?

Bag a booby, and you will Receive a coupon

For free zippy rings At the wiener engorgery.

But remember -- I must have him...

Alive!

- free zippy rings?! Get the dynamite, son!

May the best species win! Whoo!

- but, daddy, uh,

I think he said He wants him alive.

- oh, fine. Fetch me my compound bow.

- here you go, daddy.

- ain't no such a thang As a fair fight.

[ slap! ] The titanium quills!

You tryin' to cripple me here?!

- [ munching ]

- sheriff: she's beautiful.

Look at that golden, Buttery plumage,

Breaded to perfection.

What a magnificent beast.

- [ duck-calling ] You're not that bad!

You're not that bad!

You're not that bad!

You're not that bad!

- you're not that bad Yourself!

- oh, my god. It's matin' season.

- how 'bout I buy you A sex on the beach,

We go back to my single behind The mexican restaurant

And get it on?

- all right!

- [ duck-calling ] I like you for your mind!

- [ normal voice ] No, damn it! She's gonna Question it now!

- [ normal voice ] I'm sorry, daddy.

She just seemed Interestin' and all.

- pass me That boogie box.

[ click ]

- ♪ come on, everybody...

- we got to get her dancin',

Get that blood flowin' To her sex parts.

[ dance music plays ]

Now we're cookin' with gas.

Go on, boy. Set that bait out there.

- the matin' dance --

Well, that must mean There's another -- oh, hell.

- hey, now, here's you A sex on the beach

And a buttery nipple.

What do you say We pound these drinks

And see what happens, Little gal?

- early: get back, now! Don't push it on her!

She needs to feel like she had A choice in the matter!

- ♪ boom, The jam's in your face ♪

♪ step to the middle and come Take a taste of the groove ♪

♪ and we keepin' it Real smooth ♪

♪ get on the dance floor And make your ass move ♪

♪ gonna shake that butt 'til it claps ♪

♪ I want to give it a slap

- now, you just slide Your hand in my back pocket.

We got us a damn date.

- rusty, you can't Give drinks to this bird.

Alcoholism runs rampant Through this species.

They'll pick up

And then they'll breed like Crazy all night long.

Just keep dancin'. You don't want to upset her.

- ♪ do-do, do-do

- daddy, no!

- early, no! [ boom! ]

- [ squawks ]

- [ coughs, chokes ]

Is -- is the booby all right?

- [ muffled squawking ]

- time!

- 4.9, daddy.

- hell, yes! Bring it!

[ clank ]

- [ squawks ] Where are you going?

Sorry -- you just drove past My natural habitat

Back there, guys. - she's right.

This truck is not her Natural habitat.

- I know.

I'm gonna drop her off At ol' dan halen's --

Get me some of them Zippy rings.

- no! No! Stop the car! I gotta get out here.

[ thudding ]

[ grunting, sobbing ]

- settle down, now. Settle down.

- daddy, she's cryin'.

- I'd cry, too, but the market Is what the market is.

- I'll do whatever you want. I'll suck your [squawks]

You -- how about you? I'll suck your [squawks]

- simmer down, now. There ain't no escape.

- is it zippy rings You guys want?

'cause, I mean, I've got money.

I'll buy you all the zippy rings You want.

- she could, too. Says right here,

"The deep-fried Pine booby carries up to,

But not more than, $20 in cash."

- money?

[ tires screech ]

Leafy, greeny, spendy money?

Cashy money?

[ sizzling ] Whoo!

- whoo! Daddy, yeah!

- fireworks! - whoo-ee!

- whoo-hoo-hoo!

- yowwwww!

Yowwww!

- let me hold that Thing, daddy.

- hang on, son. Hang on.

Fireworks, baby! Wowwwww!

Well, all right.

There you go, son.

- whoo!

Whoo!

- come on, early. Light it again.

- light it again, daddy. Light it again.

- nope. It's a one-shot johnny.

But I We can get some more.

- what? Don't look at I

Y-y-you bought that sparkler. Remember?

- sheriff?

- well, I threw All my change in the fire,

I got so excited.

- all right, then. - wait! No!

- off to get me Some zippy rings.

- [ sobbing ] No! No! No!

I can help your son!

Look, I can help your son.

- I'm intrigued. This better be good, boy.

- okay, time is short, So I'm gonna be frank.

Your, uh...

Your complexion is, Shall we say,

Not what it could be.

- well, you know, Neither is mine.

- acne. You talkin' about the acne?

- yeah. But I've got Great news for you --

I'm here to help.

- my daddy calls it The grease disease.

See, my personality has To rise above it.

- not any longer.

Look deep... Into my ass.

[ hiss! ] - aaaaah!

- he attacked my boy! That's a venomous expulsion!

- daddy, my face!

Look at my face, daddy!

I...I-I suddenly feel more Socially acceptable,

Like all the shame Has drained from my body.

Like suddenly, Dating is an option.

- ah, that's nothing.

It's a revolutionary Oxi-based secretion

From the anal glands In my tail.

And it's changing the face of Faces... Everywhere.

- does that mean You a jew?

- I'm a -- I'm a bird. - early.

- would you be Interested in listenin'

To some of my anti-jew Rhetoric?

It's pretty damn crazy, But sure holds a crowd.

- early! - granny: [ muffled ] Please...

Let me outta here!

- settle down, granny, Settle down.

- jesus come to me,

And he said there was A tax-free weekend,

But then computers Ain't included.

And then I got mad And we started yellin'!

Then I ripped his throat out With my teeth,

And now we got to hide His body.

- granny, that which You babble on

Makes no damn sense To anybody.

- I'm scared.

I tell ya, I done stabbed That ukrainian.

- we got to get her back In the hole, here.

- ...I'm gonna meet him On the other side....

- it is a tragedy when The body outlives the mind.

- whoa! That's a serious tumor.

- thank you. - close the dungeon.

- whoa, whoa, whoa!

Maybe you should let Take a look at that.

- oh, I wish you would.

My cornrows just won't Hang right.

- uh, how many cups of coffee Do you drink a day?

- oh, I don't touch That stuff.

I just pop a few rattlers In the mornin',

And I got enough fuel To last all day.

- trucker meds -- Hillbilly health plan.

- oh. Interesting.

All right, let's just go ahead And open your mouth.

Say "Ahh." - ahh...

- feel my spray!

- oh! You son of a bitch!

[ slush! ]

Well, looky there. It's finally gone.

[ moans ]

- well, looky there. It's finally gone.

[ clang ] - [ clears throat ]

Look, I should probably Tell you guys

That I'm not a "Doctor," Per se.

Sure, I Ointment from my anus.

I'm not To distribute.

- what the --

My tony stewart Nextel cup series

Collector-edition Beverage coaster?!

I filled out a damn survey For that!

- and now look at the table --

Steady as a rock. Nailed it.

- damned If he ain't right.

It's level, like store-bought.

- this bird is smart.

[ shotgun cocks ] - this bird is dead!

- oh, man, will you look At that?

I think I sat in something. - oh, that's awful.

A little club soda will Take that out.

- eat my juice! - aaaah!

Befuddled! Bamboozled!

[ breathing heavily ]

Vision returnin'!

Scalp pingilating!

Confidence restoritized!

- damn, son, you look 10 years younger.

- give me another Squirt.

- all right. I could put some over here.

- do the back. - sure, sure.

I-I don't want to make it Look too heavy, though.

I want it to feel like It has body.

[ beeping ]

Ohh, no. There's no time.

- don't forget the crown Area, now.

- he's so close. Hide me.

- I do like the business Up front,

But we're gonna need a little More party in the back.

- don't mess with it! It needs time to set up!

- fly me in closer!

Load the 50-millimeter!

We're taking out the roof!

I know he's here.

He's mine, and I want him.

- hey, man, I-I-I don't Know what you're talkin' about.

- I do -- you talkin' 'bout the bird, right?

I got the bird. - oh, daddy.

- are we keepin' it quiet About the bird?

- I'm prepared to Up-size your zippy rings

To mega-largey, If the bird is alive.

- mega-largey?! My sweet bejesus!

The bird's down in the dun-- - early!

- well, I mean, There ain't no bird here,

So you best take them Zippy rings and start a-walkin'.

- enough. I know you're here, bird.

Come take a taste Of the groove

And we keeping it Real smooth.

Get on the dance floor. Make your booty move.

[ click ] - ♪ come on, everybody

- oh, god. [ dance music plays ]

[ sighs ] Ugh!

- ♪ come on, everybody

♪ do-do, do-do

♪ do-do, do-do-do-do

- damn! This track is hot! Aah!

- game, set, And match -- halen!

- well, what about them Zippy rings?

- a lie.

- [ groaning ]

- do not spill a drop.

Each one is precious.

No one takes anything Out of here!

- all right, Here's the deal.

I'm gonna double back From the east

And 'cause a diversion. Now, you two --

- early cuyler!

- oh, hell.

- give me the bird!

Or the bird dies!

- go ahead. Do it.

- but I want the bird. Buy the gambit!

- no. The bird is mine.

- the bird is

- the bird is - the bird is mine!

- the bird is mine. - that bird is mine!

- the bird is mine.

- aw, come on, now. Gimme the bird.

- nope, sorry. The bird is mine.

- let him have the bird. - yeah, let him have the bird.

- yeah, let me have the bird. - no.

- that bird is ours! - the bird is mine.

- the bird is mine! - the bird is mine.

- that bird's mine. - the bird is mine.

- the bird is mine. - the bird is mine!

- the bird is mine! - no. The bird is mine.

Shut down the decoy, ray.

- oh, ray.

Dude, thank god.

Yeah, go ahead and shut down That decoy.

"De-decoy" -- that's a word I've never --

- early: my bird! - sheriff: is a robot.

I shoulda known.

They're highly intelligent, You know.

- thanks. We're not as smart as dolphins,

But we work our asses off.

Leonard, hog-tie 'em.

Dale, ignite the factory.

Levar, grab the jam box.

[ click ]

[ dance music plays ]

- damn. That track is hot.

- you'll never Get away with this!

- [ laughs evilly ] Oh, yeah, we will.

- ♪ step to the middle and...

- damn it, they will!

- ♪ and we keepin' it Real smooth ♪

♪ get on the dance floor And make your ass move ♪

♪ gonna shake that butt 'til it claps ♪

♪ I want to give it a slap, A-slappity, slap, slap ♪

♪ partyin's what This song's about ♪

♪ is that fresh enough? No doubt ♪

- ♪ come on, now, boys

♪ and ladies

♪ you gotta get out On the floor ♪

♪ and shake what Your mama gave you ♪

♪ diddley-dum, da-da-da-ba-doo

♪ bop