Original subtitles

[ static ]

[ country music plays ]

>> ♪ somehow I got

Spinal meningitis ♪

♪ injectin' all that hair spray

In my spine ♪

♪ it's a super-cheap way

To party ♪

♪ if you aim to kill

Some brain cells and some time ♪

Good luck getting that

Child-support check from me now.

>> rusty: my turn.

>> early: hell no.

>> rusty: I want to drive.

>> early: do not touch the trim!

>> granny: ♪ ba ba du

Ba di diggy ♪

>> early: ♪ shop for the

Groceries, sugar snap peas ♪

♪ snap them peas,

Pull 'em off the shelf ♪

♪ get 'em in a can ♪

♪ stock 'em in the pantry ♪

♪ stock 'em up right ♪

♪ tell the world about it ♪

♪ let 'em all hear ♪

♪ race wars are comin' ♪

♪ got to have provisions ♪

♪ enemy sighted ♪

♪ load up the slingshot ♪

♪ slingshot, slingshot,

Slingshot, pow ♪

>> granny: ooh! Ohh!

Ohh! Ohh!

>> early: rusty, you've got to

Keep the beat.

What did I tell you about

Perseverance, young man?

>> rusty: that if at first you

Don't succeed, it wasn't meant

To be and it's a waste of time

Because the union's just gonna

Take your money anyway 'cause

They jealous we got an extra

Bone in our body that makes us

Smarter, but don't nobody in

Science care to acknowledge

That, and you were an unwanted

Pregnancy, and you ruined my

Dirt-biking career, and get out

Of my sight.

You disgust me.

You talking about that one,

Daddy?

>> early: and the son has done

Been imparted with the knowledge

Of the father.

[ whooshing ]

>> rusty: what is that noise,

Daddy?

>> early: end times is here.

That's been prophesied in the

Book of revelations.

>> granny: jesus is super

P.O.'ed 'cause we've been

Talking smart.

>> rusty: what are we gonna do,

Daddy?

>> early: womens and young'ns

First.

Come on, now.

Submit to the maker, boy.

He's undefeated.

>> rusty: oh, take me, lord.

I'm ready.

There's no fear in my heart

'cause I walk with you, lord,

Into the -- wood chipper!

Aah!

>> early: wood chipper?

I don't think the lord's got one

Of them.

>> granny: well, he does now.

>> hang on, hang on, hang on,

Hang on.

>> rusty: ugh! Stop it.

>> are you gonna reverse that

Gear?

>> I'm doing it, all right?

I don't need you to tell me how

To do it when I'm doing it.

>> it worked, man.

We stopped the mechanical beasts

With our ballad of love.

>> all right.

>> rusty: [ groans ]

>> you must vacate the area now.

>> you must stop raping this

Mountain now, okay?

>> I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It's these engines.

Did you say we should stop or

Keep raping the mountain?

I didn't hear you.

>> uh, I said stop, man.

Oh, man!

>> I'm sorry.

Did you say --

>> no, I'm cool with whatever.

Uh, peace, brothers.

See you at madison square in the

Fall.

>> I'm sorry.

Did you say --

>> that's enough, rick.

>> what? What did I do?

>> big, big man behind the

Tinted glass and the steel

Carbide teeth.

>> I'm just making a point.

>> well, I think you made it.

>> oh, oh, yeah?

Oh, because I have another point

If you want to --

[ gunshots ]

>> early: get the hell off my

Property, 'less y'all wantin' to

Suckle on my iron teat.

Except for y'all two.

You got the lumber and mineral

Rights.

That's what's stated in the

Agreement.

>> rusty: smokey moon jump

Coming.

Whoo, baby, smokey moon jump!

>> early: yep, it's on this part

Of the yard commercial.

>> let us play again, and

Perhaps the earth-raping

Machines will collapse into

Rubble.

>> ♪ bathe me

In your stagnant puddle ♪

♪ offered by the clouds ♪

♪ wash away all war machines

And -- ♪

>> [ gasps ] It's working.

Our rhythms and vibes have

Driven --

>> no, that's not.

We're just going to get

Barbecue.

We'll be back in an hour.

>> I thought we were gonna try

The new thai place.

>> yeah, thai food in north

Georgia.

It sounds so great.

Let me see if I can just

Completely dissolve the lining

Of my stomach.

>> fine. We'll do barbecue

Again.

>> yeah, no, that's what...

>> oh, you poor creatures.

We're here to help you.

>> granny: back off, stinky.

This here blade's got a lot of

Hippie miles on it, if you read

Me.

>> they can't cut down this

Tree.

Therein lies a precious wood

Nymph inside.

>> early: don't you think I'd

Know if there was some kind of

Perverted sapsattica living on

My land?

I mean, besides craig, though.

>> [ gasps ]

>> early: wait, craig.

I didn't mean it.

>> granny: I didn't much care

For latex craig at first, but it

Has done wonders for my back.

>> the wood nymph is a

Mythological, semi-divine fairy

That lives in every tree.

>> and she's as real as you and

I.

[ bongos play ]

Oh, yeah.

If we drum loud enough, our dear

Nymph will come out and put an

End to all of this destruction.

>> granny: two, three, four.

I got this rig when the crew

Broke up.

Now let's beat some damn skins.

[ buzzing ]

Eh.

[ tapping ]

>> rusty: come on, daddy, it's

Fun.

>> early: you walkin' in a

Fool's paradise, son.

Hell, I'd rather shoot my damn

Self in the brain.

[ gunshot ]

>> rusty: no!

Daddy!

>> early: oh, no, my brain's

Okay, son.

It was just a pathetic cry for

Help.

>> drum harder, mutant.

There's no labels here.

Come on.

Let nobody tell you you can't do

This.

No boundaries, dude.

>> rusty: check it out, brother.

I mean, daddy.

I got the earthy rhythm.

>> come dance with us, elder,

And let us bridge the

Generational divide.

>> early: nuh-unh.

Y'all got a funk about y'all.

>> we're all beasts inside, and

We all carry a pungent musk.

>> yeah, we were meant to have a

Scent, man, so we can hunt each

Other.

>> for copulation.

Uh.

Mmm.

>> early: aw, damn.

Look at 'em slappin' their

Groins against each other.

Repulsive.

>> sheriff: [ clears throat ]

Excuse me, folks.

You'll have to put your clothes

On.

No nudity here till

Veterans day.

>> no worries, brother.

We're extremely comfortable with

Our bodies.

>> yes, we love to share the

Deliciousness of our nudity.

>> come partake in our loins.

>> early: um...

Yeah, I'm afraid we would, but

We won't.

>> sheriff: early, this is free

Sex I think they're offering

Here.

Now, how often you get an offer

Like that from somebody you

Ain't holding a gun on?

>> early: really, that's the

Only way that turns me on

Anymore.

>> oh, dakota, are you feeling

It?

>> at the very root of my second

Chakra.

It's positively throbbing.

>> sheriff: oh, yeah.

The chakra and all that.

>> early: hey, hey, hey, now.

Not in front of my boy.

>> sheriff: early, hippies don't

Mean no harm.

Now, you may not believe this,

But I used to be a hippie, too.

Oh, it was the summer of 1994.

And I was the leader of what I

Guess folks would call a

Commune.

But then I got drunk with power

And declared myself the earthly

Embodiment of jesus, lucifer,

And mani, you know, the most

Vengeful of all the norse moon

Gods.

I was unhinged...Big time.

The followers I didn't end up

Beatin' I forced into

Prostitution.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't

Miss it.

Oh, yeah.

>> early: damn!

Smells like somebody took a

Massive dump on a huge pile of

Crap and soaked the whole thing

In a jug of week-old farts and

Lit the whole caboodle on fire.

>> rusty: yeah, just like you

Done on the last fourth of july,

Daddy.

>> early: I sure did.

I support the troops.

[ crickets chirping ]

>> granny: and all of the

Spectral colors were

Represented.

>> early: damn straight.

>> granny: except cyan.

>> early: cyan was represented.

>> granny: cyan was not

Represented.

>> early: mother...Was full of

Cyan.

I put it in myself.

>> granny: cyan may have been

Represented.

>> early: I'm glad you noticed,

Granny.

>> granny: now, I'm just saying

I didn't see it, but --

[ gunshot ]

>> early: cyan was represented.

>> look, everyone, a hacky sack.

We've turned his war machine

Into play.

>> rusty: ooh, jester.

>> go, rusty. Yeah!

Oh, good.

>> early: oh, hell no.

I ain't about to lose my only

Son to these damn dirt people.

Quickly, woman, get the

Hosepipe.

>> dan halen: incomeless

Hippies, drop your dream

Catchers and listen to me.

You have 60 seconds to vacate.

If you don't, I will immediately

Harm the environment and

Everyone in it, including

Myself.

There won't be enough left of

You to make a...

Vegetarian...Biodegradable...

I can't think of anything.

Nothing will stand in the way of

My glorious moon jump.

>> quickly, lash yourself to the

Trees, dudes.

>> 50 seconds.

Oh, hell, just drop this damn

Thing.

You made me do this.

>> oh, man, now, I know this

Looks terrible, but I know I saw

This herb around here that makes

A great salve for burns.

You'll need to boil it down.

It's part of the tincture.

It also includes ginseng,

Chamomile, and this other thing

That I don't know the name of,

But it grows around here.

>> granny: now, there's cyan.

>> early: no, that's an

Aquamarine.

It's a variant.

And there's a hand.

[ beeping ]

>> rusty: daddy, I reckon I miss

Them hippies.

>> early: I know you do, son,

But at least they'll never be

Too far away from your heart.

>> rusty: yeah, this mood ring

Says he's happy.

>> early: oop, ring is mine.

>> rusty: but what about their

Message of love and peace?

>> early: well, what about

Smokey moon jump?

I mean, that there brought jobs

To the region.

Right, granny?

>> granny: take your shoes off.

Don't scuff.

Come on, sleepy heads.

Oh.

That's cute.