Original subtitles

>> early: ♪ love your feller man

Just as long as you can ♪

♪ 'fore the locusts swoop down

From on high ♪

♪ when the creek bed turns red ♪

♪ and your face fills with

Boils ♪

♪ and the serpent will feast on

The damned ♪

♪ you best submit to your

Husband ♪

♪ lest your organs be devoured ♪

♪ by the jagged hellish teeth of

The beast from down below ♪

♪ by the code of hammurabi ♪

♪ both your eyeballs will be

Taken ♪

♪ they'll be plucked out of your

Head holes ♪

♪ and shown to your body ♪

♪ which is now just a skeleton ♪

♪ 'cause he also ate the

Flesh... ♪

>> [ laughing ] All right.

>> early: ♪ like a toothpick for

His hellmouth ♪

>> okay.

>> early: ♪ then he'll -- ♪

Hold on. Hold on.

Stop.

Play that bass note again.

>> rusty: w-which one?

>> early: the low-pitchy one.

You know the one -- the one!

[ note playing ]

>> rusty: this one?

[ note playing ]

>> early: no, no, no, no.

Back four measures.

>> rusty: this one right here?

[ note playing ]

>> early: there you go.

That's the one...

That is pissin' me off!

>> [ laughing ] All right.

That was wonderful.

[ chuckles ]

Let's hear it for

Jesus make me happy.

>> early: no, no, hell no.

Play that note again.

[ note playing ]

Oh! Give me that!

It's this.

[ note playing ]

Open your ears. You hear it?

It's supposed to be a trumpet,

Not a sumbitchin' bass guitar!

>> rusty: but you -- you used my

Trumpet for an oil filter.

>> early: because the trumpet

Don't belong in the damn band.

>> granny: ohh.

>> early: the trumpet torment

Me.

Bass in a band.

>> lil: [ inhales, exhales ]

>> rusty: I'm in philadelphia!

[ notes play ]

♪ listen to the sound of the

Nails that are drivin' ♪

♪ drivin', drivin', drivin' ♪

♪ drivin', drivin', drivin' ♪

♪ drivin' ♪

♪ listen to the sound of him

Eatin' his last supper ♪

♪ he's eatin', eatin', eatin',

Eatin' ♪

♪ drinkin' that wine ♪

♪ listen to the sound of him

Prayin' in the garden ♪

[ music stops ]

[ crickets chirping ]

♪ that's the sound of him

Prayin' in the garden ♪

>> hey, hey, dude.

[ music resumes ]

>> rusty: ♪ aaaaaah, man ♪

>> hey, man. Hey.

I heard that song you're

Playing, there.

Not so good.

>> rusty: yeah, I know.

It wasn't in tune or nothin',

Was it?

>> there's a few other chords,

You know?

Not just the one

Keep playing.

[ chord plays ]

No, no, no.

Hand me the axe and check this

Out.

[ imitating peter frampton ]

♪ do you want to shred like the

Dark master? ♪

♪ I'm making part of the

Sound with my mouth ♪

>> rusty: hell, yeah!

You gonna show me how to do

That?

>> I'll not ever show you --

Double negative not!

[ clears throat ]

I'm sorry.

I meant to say totally, yes.

We can do lessons.

[ rock music plays ]

[ fast heavy-metal riff plays ]

>> early: you, uh, you learn you

All that mess in, uh, one night?

>> rusty: yes, sir.

Hail satan, my dark lord and

Master.

[ riff continues ]

>> early: yeah, a little too

Fast, ain't it?

Math rock!

Sure, it's technically

Magnificent.

I mean, you know where to put

Your fingers and all.

>> rusty: his reign will last a

Thousand dark years.

>> early: calluses?

>> rusty: nope. See?

Smooth as a baby's ass.

>> early: and snapped like a

Damn chicken neck!

Ho ho ho, cruel fortune!

[ dramatic music plays ]

>> rusty: how you like this, old

Man?

[ melodic music plays ]

And now some bass.

I'll hit some damn skins, too,

Buddy.

Go ahead and slide them

Keyboards over here, too.

Nah, that's all right.

I think I can reach them from

Here.

Come on, roy clark, I summon you

From hell.

[ banjo plays ]

>> early: banjo is dated.

Just 'cause we live up here, we

Supposed to like banjo?

How very damn trite!

>> granny: oh, he got the

Power of the devil in him.

Someone got to pull it out.

[ music continues ]

Right after the encore.

Ooh! Listen to that astro!

I think my face just melted off.

>> early: fine. Yeah, he's good.

I accept it.

Now I'm fixin' to

Dear jesus, I beseech thee.

Please give me the magic power

To shred faces and explode the

Brains out the neck with a

Panty-tearin' solo power.

Amen.

>> no.

>> early: damn it.

[ rock music plays ]

>> sheriff: what do you want me

To do, now?

>> early: I want you to

Apprehend the devil out of him

And return the alpha-dog status

To

>> sheriff: the power of

Dougal county law compels you.

The power of dougal --

God, this sounds stupid.

[ chuckles ]

And this is just iced tea,

Anyway, and frankly, I want the

Rest of it.

[ slurps ]

Mmm.

[ music continues ]

>> boy, howdy.

He's good!

>> early: I know!

And it's pissin' me off!

>> sheriff: he can play them

Power ballads, too.

Listen to this.

[ power ballad plays ]

This boy's got real chops.

>> early: go on, reverend, kill

His ass.

>> rusty: ♪ I can't face the

Night alone ♪

[ growls ]

>> or we could wait for the

Ravages of alzheimer's to slowly

Erode his --

[ gun cocks ]

Okay.

Jesus, lord.

>> rusty: ♪ I'm lost without

You, girl ♪

♪ I wish I only knew your name ♪

♪ another night on the road ♪

♪ another sold-out show ♪

>> early: what the...

Aw, damn.

>> sheriff: oh, hell.

Let the boy play.

Who's he hurtin'?

Help! Medic! Officer down!

Send the e.M.T.!

[ groaning ]

>> all right, all right.

Satan, come out!

>> [ growls ]

Are you ready to rock,

Dougal county?!

>> oop! Hi, there.

>> I'm gonna own you

Like I own this little bitch

Here.

Come on. Come to daddy.

>> rusty: wait a minute, now.

I thought you said this was

Free -- I didn't have to do

Nothin' for it.

>> listen to the little whiny

Bitch.

Boy, he's really gonna hate it

When he gets to hell.

>> rusty: I don't want to go to

Hell!

Come on, do somethin', daddy.

>> it's actually not much worse

Than your current situation.

I mean, yeah, we have

High taxes, but, hey, you do

Earn real money, at least.

I mean, we do have jobs down

There.

It's not everything you hear.

>> rusty: oh, really?

>> [ chuckles ]

No!

You are raped by fire all day!

And the days are longer down

There.

Oh, there's plenty of drinks.

You know what you drink?

Fire, motherstuffer!

That's what!

Dinner -- that's a root that

Makes you thirsty for more

Flippin' fire!

You understand?

It's ridiculous what I've set up

Down there.

>> what are your terms?

>> perhaps we'll have a little

Competition.

Pick your best player.

If he wins, you get rusty back.

If he loses...

You come with me.

>> granny: I can defeat him!

Jesus will shine his light

Through me, and I will --

>> no. No, no, no, no, no.

>> granny: but...Jesus...

>> no, no, no, no, no, no.

>> granny: I'm out.

>> play forth, my little...

>> puss. Puss sucker.

>> puss sucker, yes, go.

>> rusty: ♪ jingle balls ♪

♪ shotgun shells ♪

>> no, no, no!

That's not how we learned it!

He's sandbagging!

Oh!

Give me that!

Give me the s.G. If you got it.

Did you -- is this tuned

Already?

Just give me a minute, folks.

[ guitar tunes ]

>> play "Hoofprints."

I love "Hoofprints."

>> I wrote a little piece.

It's called "Hoofprints."

It goes like this.

♪ we walk side by side through

The sands of time ♪

♪ your tiny mortal hand

Clutching mine ♪

♪ and you asked me ♪

"Dark master, where did your

Hoofprints go ♪

♪ during my hardest times?" ♪

My son, I never left you.

That was when I stood on the

Small of your back...

♪ and dug my spurs deep into

Your thighs ♪

You see that pool of blood over

There?

Yeah, that's your divorce.

The second one -- the one you

Said you'd do anything to make

It work.

You remember that?

That was me, making sure the

Cocaine was always around.

♪ as I ram your carcass through

An impossibly small hole ♪

♪ into a sea of flaming-hot

Human feces ♪

♪ when you can't draw a breath ♪

♪ yet your lungs are filled with

That same flaming-hot human

Feces ♪

No matter how fast you run or

Where you hide, know this --

I am always with you...

Amused by your pathetic attempts

To escape.

And I laugh like this!

♪ oh-ho-ho-ho-ho ♪

♪ ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho ♪

>> rusty: oh! Aah waah!

Ugh!

>> ♪ ha-ha-ha-haaa ♪

♪ hmmmm ♪

Sometimes the barbed wire will

Leave a little mark, too -- the

Leash that I do.

Um, I had a line about that.

I just can't seem to shoehorn it

Into this piece.

>> [ laughing ] Okay.

I give it one halo out of five.

>> [ growls ]

It was because of the

Barbed-wire line, right?

I knew it. Should have used it.

>> early: fetch me my axe.

This ends today.

[ mid-tempo music plays ]

[ tempo quickens ]

[ tempo quickens ]

[ tempo quickens ]

[ tempo quickens ]

[ tempo quickens ]

[ tempo quickens ]

[ high-pitched whine ]

[ dog barks ]

[ tempo slows ]

[ breathes heavily ]

How you like that mess?

[ all cheering ]

>> man, you're good.

You really blew my ass away.

>> thank you, lord!

>> early: yeah.

Thank you, dark lord and master.

>> knuckle up, dude.

Ugh! Yeah!

>> whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

>> early: I made myself a deal

With the devil so I could whup

Your ass!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

>> wait a minute. I'm confused.

So -- so what does this mean?

So, feel free to stop in for the

Nonstop lizard-meat social.

It'll be served raw, as our

Dark master desires it --

Digesting the bones and

Standing on our heads in piles

Of unspeakable manure.

>> early: son, do you feel any

Different?

>> rusty: no, sir. Sure don't.

>> early: me neither.

In my humble opinion, this has

Worked out.

>> rusty: you worried about hell

Or nothin' -- all that eternity

Stuff and everything?

>> early: relax, son.

[ straining ] Let's just live...

In the moment.

>> ♪ another night alone ♪

♪ another sold-out show ♪

♪ I'm so lonely ♪

♪ that I just want to explode ♪

♪ and when the stage lights go

Down ♪

♪ after the last encore ♪

♪ I pray you're waiting in the

Line ♪

♪ by the backstage door ♪