Original subtitles

[static]

[country music playing]

- ♪ she run off And took our only chicken ♪

♪ when I broke jail The house was burnt and bare ♪

♪ the japs moved the plant Back to osaky ♪

♪ some days life just don't Seem that fair ♪

♪ I don't even care

I'm telling you, I just don't...

- my turn! - hell, no.

- hey, man, let me drive That thing! Come on!

- do not touch the trim!

- hey. You awake?

- she's been out A couple of days.

- avert your eyes, now. We about to bond as a family.

- daddy, what you doin'?

- what? Hell, she was lookin' at me.

We shared a damn moment!

- early, your own sister?

- but... I'm about To lose my mind!

I got to get me some Strange! Woohoo!

- go get you some! Woohoo!

Go get you some Damn strange, daddy!

Hell, yeah, daddy...

- hey.

You awake?

- oh, that's right. Two trucks.

Sandwichin' a boat.

Ah, I tool around town Just a-hollerin' [slurps],

But enough about me.

You ain't bed down With uncle travis, have you?

- uh, early--

- hell, that sumbitch got The herpes simplex version one.

I can't be attractin' that mess.

- well, you ain't even gonna Get that far,

Meeting here In the filling station toilet.

- I need to be close To them erotic oils

In case things Heat up.

50 cents.

- that is a good price.

- shh, shh, shh.

Hey, darlin'.

That there's the key To my heart you holdin'.

[tch tch]

Wait a minute! Come on back here!

Hey, darlin'!

- oh, just let her go.

- damn internet datin'!

♪ I brought her lots of Pine cone liquor ♪

♪ for chuggin'

♪ I gave her 8 strong arms'

♪ worth of huggin'

♪ two hearts in love, we would Frolic in the sand ♪

♪ she tossed me up and cupped me In her meaty hands ♪

Hell, yeah.

♪ I was walkin' tall, My backbone straight ♪

♪ and that ain't easy for Invertebrates ♪

♪ but the tide would turn And this squid would learn ♪

♪ I'd meet my match

♪ then I'd get burned

♪ then we'd laid down And conceived us a young'un ♪

♪ but she forsook me and our son For another ♪

♪ I'd been so proud of our Little family clan ♪

♪ 'til I caught her

♪ tradin' tongues With old snake man ♪

♪ now she's officially my ex

♪ though I really do Miss the sex ♪

♪ to her I shall not return

♪ I met my match

♪ and I got burned

♪ yes, I cut her From my heart ♪

♪ like a big, loud, Stinkin' fart ♪

♪ to her I shall never return

♪ I met my match

♪ and I got burned

♪ burned

♪ burned

[tires screech]

[honks horn]

- what do you want, tug nut?

- I was just on my way to go Frog-diggin'

Down there at the creek,

And I thought to myself,

"What's this fat-ass whore Doing down here

Whilst I'm so successful?"

- you ain't got no body,

No-money-havin' Green face of yours.

- damn it, you about A inch away

From the end of your Damn life!

- we married!

- [singing wedding march]

- somebody grab the front end Quick... Uhh.

- you need some help, daddy?

- [singing wedding march]

- hell, yeah! I got me a mama!

I ain't no bastard no more!

- congratulations, y'all. Whee.

- get your stupid ass Out of here.

- I'm actually here about the-- Ahem--domestic violence call.

- oh, no, that was earlier.

I got that low Blood sugar thing.

[indistinct] Worn off.

We in love now.

- you bet we are, darlin'.

Now get out of here.

We about to conjumagate This union.

- get some, daddy!

- remember, no sodomy, now. - woohoo!

Whoo!

Come on, let's Cut this thing loose!

- hey, what's happening In there?

- shh, granny, shut up. - describe it.

- oh, my god.

I think he's trying To eat my mama!

- no. I said the market piggy.

Wee-wee-wee all the way home

Died in the stroke.

- [muffled] This here? This one?

- no. - they all big.

- no, no, no. This ain't right.

[crash]

I just don't feel Comfortable here.

- I thought about that, Darlin',

And I went and got some Of your personal effects

To make you feel more at home.

- what are you do--

Where are you puttin' That mannequin leg?

- I'm sorry, darlin', I didn't--

- no, no, the chicken bones Go over here.

- oh, I'm sorry. - you don't know me.

You don't know me at all!

[crash]

[sputtering] I gotta go Chop me some wood!

- hey, daddy, why you goin' to Chop wood in the bathroom?

With a tire?

- it gives me peace of mind!

- and I want me some lipo.

Get down to triple digits

So I can look fine For those glamour shots

That you also goin' be Gettin' for me.

And I want 5 babies.

I want 'em all colored The same color.

I want white color babies. Today!

- well, you know, we-- We got that one son

[whirring]

- [rusty grunts]

- he's too old.

I want the little baby kind

That I can leave in a hot car When I'm playing video poker.

Ever since I was a girl,

I dreamed of that.

- well, hell, I mean, I got A few minutes before work.

We can get started on them Babies right quick.

- no. I need to save my energy.

Uhh. Uhh.

Ohh.

Ahh.

- ok, then. I'm off to work.

But I'll probably chop myself A little wood

Over in the shed first.

- if you come home early

You gonna get a big surprise.

- really?

Oh, good morning, glen. How was your weekend?

[slurps] - ooh!

- alright then, We'll see y'all tomorrow.

I got me some lovin' Waitin' at my place.

Hey, whose damn bus is this?

'cause it is fine!

I mean, look--look at that Horse up there.

It looks like a real horse.

- hey, daddy. Don't go in there.

- get out of my way. Crystal!

- oh, hey, baby.

These are my friends--

Don barnes and donnie van zant,

Danny chauncey, larry junstrom,

Bobby capps, and gary moffatt.

Say hey.

- [all talking at once]

- 38 special?

How the hell you boys doin'?

- man, we're just hangin' out.

- it says here you s'posed To be playing

Up in pittsburgh Tonight.

- that's--that shirt's From 1984.

- hell, that ain't this year. What's goin' on here?

- oh, no, baby, come on.

It's harmless. We just nostalginin'.

- yea, those were some Good times this afternoon,

When we all took Turns makin' love to you.

- all right, daddy, them Pyrotechnicals was amazing.

- you should've come early For wet willie.

They really got the crowd goin'!

- damn it, we made us a vow.

- early, I'm a married woman.

I didn't let none of them Buy me nothin'.

That's for you.

- 9, 10.

- ♪ so caught up in you,

♪ little girl...

- oh, I got to go chop me Some damn wood!

- ♪ and baby, it's true You're the one ♪

[organ playing]

- how we s'posed to be Fruitful and multiply

When this one's out in the shed

Makin' it with a radial tire?

- I don't do that. How'd you know about that?

- chop you some wood.

- it's a physical thing.

Ain't no emotional Connection to it.

I mean, I'd be fine if I could Just get it once!

- see there? He called it "It."

Where's the respect For my vagina?

- oh, come on, now.

You know I don't mean nothin' Bad, sugar chunk.

Tell her, boys.

- sorry, man, but you really Need to be more sensitive,

Like 38 special is.

- hey, baby. How's your mama and them?

- oh, they fine.

You wanna do me?

- you need to respect My boundaries!

- just... If I may, ahem.

Early, now, I'm not saying You do or don't

Do things with That tire,

But perhaps leave it In the shed.

And crystal, Maybe don't have sex

With 38 special Quite so much.

- oh, man. That sucks.

- and if you can make these Tiny changes,

I'm sure the good lord will Shine his light down upon you.

- well, I can try.

- well, I'll try if you try.

- I can't ask for more than That, darlin'.

No means no!

- it needs new batteries.

- I'm going to buy them Batteries in...

- ...Times I gotta tell you?

- ...Satan Down there in hell!

- if you don't, I'm going to Have to beat 'em out of you!

- ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Damn, darlin', I'm going...

[scraping]

[siren wailing]

- that domestic disturbance Still goin' on?

Hope nobody got killed. Sorry I was late.

Just that I got a tire Gone missin'.

- aah!

We ain't seen one of them.

- oh, whoa.

How'd you get that shiner, boy?

- oh, uh, ahem.

You know, uh, carryin' on At the mouth like I do.

Ha. I probably deserved it, You know.

[groans] That bitch There done it.

- [groans]

- sucker-punched me Right in the eye.

- all right, then. Come on, granny. Let's go.

- come on, daddy. Tell the truth.

It wasn't granny. - I hate to do this.

- it was mama. Then grabs you up By your throat

And punch you in The mouth, knock you down,

Make you pee on yourself.

You then got all whupped, Kicked me in the damn face.

Embarrassed you in front of me.

Got your ass whupped.

- run along now, russell.

You go on and play your Video games.

- you got me a video game? Hell, yeah!

Get back, aliens!

Whoo! Woohoo!

I'm gonna kick yo' ass!

- crystal, I'm afraid I'm gonna Have to take you in.

If I can... Let's see...

Figure out how to.

- early, baby,

Don't you understand?

It's just that I love you so much

And that's why I've got To keep you in line.

It's for your own good.

Someday you'll see that.

- just take her from my sight.

[whirring]

- early, I might need that.

- sheriff, don't.

Let him have his moment.

- you ever seen A truckboat truck?

- he's happy.

- mm? That's right. Two trucks.

Sandwichin' a boat.

Gonna make her do 140.

- ♪ you're the one that's Got me down on my knees ♪

♪ and baby it's true

♪ you're The one who caught me ♪

♪ baby, you taught me how Good it could be ♪

♪♪