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1
00:00:02,012 --> 00:00:03,010
[radio static]
2
00:00:03,012 --> 00:00:06,018
[tunes to song]
3
00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:11,023
- ♪ my dreams
Are all dead and buried ♪
4
00:00:11,025 --> 00:00:17,000
♪ sometimes I wish the sun
Would just explode ♪
5
00:00:17,002 --> 00:00:22,004
♪ when god comes and calls me
To his kingdom ♪
6
00:00:22,006 --> 00:00:25,014
♪ I'll take all you sons
Of bitches when I go ♪
7
00:00:25,016 --> 00:00:29,005
♪ when I blow
8
00:00:29,007 --> 00:00:30,027
- my turn.
- hell, no.
9
00:00:30,029 --> 00:00:32,017
- hey, man, let me drive
That thing! Come on.
10
00:00:32,019 --> 00:00:35,007
- don't touch the trim!
11
00:00:50,023 --> 00:00:54,002
[gunshots]
12
00:00:56,011 --> 00:00:58,019
[rap music playing]
13
00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:09,023
- [roaring]
14
00:01:43,024 --> 00:01:45,020
- we done made ourselves
A deal.
15
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,014
- all right, good!
- hey, where you going?
16
00:01:46,016 --> 00:01:48,010
Hey!
17
00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:52,016
This is the grandest damn day
Of my life.
18
00:01:52,018 --> 00:01:54,023
- hey, daddy?
What's that smell?
19
00:01:54,025 --> 00:01:56,018
- it's your future, son.
20
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:59,005
Go on now.
Breath it in.
21
00:01:59,007 --> 00:02:01,026
- your future smells
Like [bleep].
22
00:02:01,028 --> 00:02:03,012
- that's just the
Reinrichification of the soil
23
00:02:03,014 --> 00:02:05,017
Being richer reinrichified.
24
00:02:05,019 --> 00:02:06,022
Go on, take them damn
Blinders off.
25
00:02:06,024 --> 00:02:07,018
- oh!
26
00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:09,004
Oh, my god.
27
00:02:09,006 --> 00:02:10,012
- that's right!
28
00:02:10,014 --> 00:02:13,006
It's all cuyler land!
Yeah!
29
00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:14,025
Stretching from diarrhea creek
Over yonder
30
00:02:14,027 --> 00:02:16,023
Right here to this
Here skeleton.
31
00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:18,008
- big damn deal.
You bought a hog farm.
32
00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:19,028
[gunshot]
33
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,000
- this here is a damn
Hunting camp...
34
00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:22,025
For hunters.
35
00:02:22,027 --> 00:02:24,017
Hot damn! It is the only place
In the region
36
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,005
Where you can stalk and kill,
37
00:02:26,007 --> 00:02:29,009
Cut, gut, and dress your
Own damn ham.
38
00:02:29,011 --> 00:02:30,014
- how much did you pay
For this?
39
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,022
- $37.50.
40
00:02:32,024 --> 00:02:34,007
- what?!
41
00:02:34,009 --> 00:02:35,014
- you got your head
Up your ass?
42
00:02:35,016 --> 00:02:37,003
- sounds like a lot now.
How we gonna eat?
43
00:02:37,005 --> 00:02:38,009
- what are we gonna do if we
Ain't got no damn money?
44
00:02:38,011 --> 00:02:39,004
- whoa, whoa, whoa!
Calm down now, damn it!
45
00:02:39,006 --> 00:02:40,020
I done worked it out.
46
00:02:40,022 --> 00:02:42,009
- but--but that's a lot
Of money, ain't it?
47
00:02:42,011 --> 00:02:44,004
- hell, yeah. I mean,
If I had it all
48
00:02:44,006 --> 00:02:45,023
Gathered together
Here in a garbage bag,
49
00:02:45,025 --> 00:02:47,019
You'd think I was travis tritt
50
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:50,005
A-strutting my fine ass
On down to florida.
51
00:02:50,007 --> 00:02:52,021
But you see, son, usury allows
The little man
52
00:02:52,023 --> 00:02:55,016
To have that
What he desires.
53
00:02:57,022 --> 00:03:00,003
- this sumptuous tract
Of real estate--
54
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:03,014
50 luscious acres--
55
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,017
Currently unzoned
For habitation--
56
00:03:05,019 --> 00:03:08,018
Features picturesque
Views of these...
57
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:11,022
Scenic blue tarps.
58
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,018
Can we start the bidding at...
59
00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:15,021
25?
- oh, you bet.
60
00:03:15,023 --> 00:03:17,020
- yes!
We have a 25, 25, 25.
61
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,019
Do we hear a 30?
- 30!
62
00:03:18,021 --> 00:03:20,005
- a 30.
63
00:03:20,007 --> 00:03:21,018
From the only person
In the auction.
64
00:03:21,020 --> 00:03:23,026
Going once, going twice--
- 35!
65
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,017
- and for some reason
We have a 35.
66
00:03:25,019 --> 00:03:26,027
- 36!
67
00:03:26,029 --> 00:03:27,027
- you do understand how this--
68
00:03:27,029 --> 00:03:28,029
- 37!
69
00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,023
- all right.
I'm...
70
00:03:30,025 --> 00:03:31,023
I'm actually starting to feel
Bad for you.
71
00:03:31,025 --> 00:03:32,025
- 37.50!
- sold!
72
00:03:32,027 --> 00:03:35,000
- whoo-wee!
73
00:03:35,002 --> 00:03:37,004
- to the moron that knows
Nothing about auction for 37.50.
74
00:03:37,006 --> 00:03:38,019
Now, how will you be paying?
75
00:03:38,021 --> 00:03:41,000
- these magic beans.
76
00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:43,027
- so, that's 37.50 amortized
77
00:03:43,029 --> 00:03:48,015
Over 500 years at 2,999%...
78
00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:54,018
Per annum...
79
00:03:58,001 --> 00:04:00,009
Can you make a down payment,
Early?
80
00:04:00,011 --> 00:04:01,015
- well...
81
00:04:01,017 --> 00:04:04,018
Well, I got these uh...
82
00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:07,007
- that's no down payment.
83
00:04:07,009 --> 00:04:09,003
Technically, that's corn.
84
00:04:09,005 --> 00:04:10,025
The penalty for that is to add
Additional escrow,
85
00:04:10,027 --> 00:04:12,013
Flo-jo-- racer
From the olympics,
86
00:04:12,015 --> 00:04:13,003
You're not listening...
87
00:04:13,005 --> 00:04:14,029
[humming]
88
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,023
And here we go.
89
00:04:16,025 --> 00:04:19,013
Here if your monthly payment.
90
00:04:19,015 --> 00:04:21,022
- ooh. Ooh.
91
00:04:21,024 --> 00:04:23,000
I ain't gotta pay that
All at once, do I?
92
00:04:23,002 --> 00:04:24,018
- no, early,
93
00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:26,011
That's why I wasted
The necessary time
94
00:04:26,013 --> 00:04:28,006
To say the word
"Monthly."
95
00:04:28,008 --> 00:04:31,008
- sounds good!
Send me the bill now.
96
00:04:31,010 --> 00:04:33,006
So, you see, son,
97
00:04:33,008 --> 00:04:35,013
Through jesus' gift of
Financery,
98
00:04:35,015 --> 00:04:37,026
We gonna own this here
Land outright
99
00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:40,007
In half a millenniasm.
- hey!
100
00:04:40,009 --> 00:04:43,021
How we gonna pay $60 a month
Monthly?
101
00:04:43,023 --> 00:04:45,021
- months?
Where the hell you get months?
102
00:04:45,023 --> 00:04:47,015
Hell, I paid that all at once,
Don't I?
103
00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:49,018
- uh, I don't think that's it,
Daddy.
104
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:50,018
- how much?
105
00:04:50,020 --> 00:04:52,008
- you said $60.
106
00:04:52,010 --> 00:04:54,010
- 60?!
God! We can't afford that!
107
00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:56,004
Son of a bitch!
We need some damn money!
108
00:04:58,009 --> 00:05:00,008
- hey, darling.
109
00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:04,000
Let me have a carton of them
High tar slims, um...
110
00:05:04,002 --> 00:05:07,002
This trans-am key chain,
111
00:05:07,004 --> 00:05:09,020
And all the nasifeds you got
Back there.
112
00:05:09,022 --> 00:05:11,012
The blister packs.
113
00:05:11,014 --> 00:05:13,004
- must have quite a cold
Gotcha down, lil,
114
00:05:13,006 --> 00:05:14,018
Wanting all that
Nasifed and all that.
115
00:05:14,020 --> 00:05:15,029
- mmm.
116
00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:18,001
Got a tickle in my throat.
117
00:05:18,003 --> 00:05:19,021
- hmm. There's a big tickle
In your throat
118
00:05:19,023 --> 00:05:21,003
About every two weeks,
Don't you?
119
00:05:21,005 --> 00:05:22,014
- what's your point?
120
00:05:22,016 --> 00:05:24,015
- oh! Oh, nothing.
It's just...
121
00:05:24,017 --> 00:05:26,013
I've been told
By the authorities
122
00:05:26,015 --> 00:05:28,012
I'm supposed to ask you
If you're planning to use
123
00:05:28,014 --> 00:05:30,005
These here pharmasweaticals
In the production
124
00:05:30,007 --> 00:05:32,011
Of illegal
Substances, you know?
125
00:05:32,013 --> 00:05:34,018
Druggery?
126
00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:36,011
- oh, come on!
127
00:05:36,013 --> 00:05:37,022
Please!
128
00:05:37,024 --> 00:05:40,008
This is ridiculous!
129
00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:43,003
- how's that crystal meth
Coming?
130
00:05:43,005 --> 00:05:45,015
- real...
Good.
131
00:05:45,017 --> 00:05:47,003
- hey, daddy,
132
00:05:47,005 --> 00:05:48,028
You talking about crystal
Anametaphetamin?
133
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,028
- yeah.
- ain't that illegal?
134
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,022
- look here, son.
It ain't like we're buying it.
135
00:05:52,024 --> 00:05:54,003
That's what's wrong.
136
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,002
We just make it and sell it...
137
00:05:57,012 --> 00:05:58,007
And take it.
138
00:05:58,009 --> 00:05:59,008
- ok.
139
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,004
- look at this here.
140
00:06:01,006 --> 00:06:04,014
These here is the faces of meth.
141
00:06:04,016 --> 00:06:06,019
Now, look at this here
Average woman.
142
00:06:06,021 --> 00:06:08,010
- that's at a woman, is it?
- all right, below average.
143
00:06:08,012 --> 00:06:09,029
- oh, dang.
144
00:06:10,001 --> 00:06:11,023
- and this here is that
Same exact woman--
145
00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:13,025
- oh, lord.
- after tangling with meth.
146
00:06:13,027 --> 00:06:15,002
- meth sure does make you...
147
00:06:15,004 --> 00:06:16,006
Boney.
148
00:06:16,008 --> 00:06:17,016
- yep. Boney.
149
00:06:17,018 --> 00:06:19,019
And easy.
150
00:06:19,021 --> 00:06:21,013
Now, look here at this picture
Of what the woman done
151
00:06:21,015 --> 00:06:23,001
With just a teeny little bitty
Taste of meth.
152
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:24,019
- I can't--ugh!
153
00:06:24,021 --> 00:06:25,018
- see how she done degraded
Herself?
154
00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:26,022
- too--too ugly.
155
00:06:26,024 --> 00:06:28,012
- with me?
- ugh!
156
00:06:28,014 --> 00:06:30,013
- that's me right there.
- oh. Is that?
157
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,003
- and uncle travis.
We was in gatlinburg.
158
00:06:32,005 --> 00:06:33,009
We tore the hell out of that
Damn hotel room.
159
00:06:33,011 --> 00:06:34,026
We tore that sombitch up.
160
00:06:34,028 --> 00:06:37,003
- I ain't wanting to look
At that right now.
161
00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:39,003
- I prefer the skinny type,
Really.
162
00:06:39,005 --> 00:06:40,026
- daddy, I think
It's raining pee!
163
00:06:40,028 --> 00:06:42,019
- it ain't raining pee.
164
00:06:54,002 --> 00:06:56,011
- hell, it ain't nothing
But a thing.
165
00:07:06,007 --> 00:07:07,020
- ow!
166
00:07:07,022 --> 00:07:09,006
I ain't--
167
00:07:09,008 --> 00:07:11,012
I ain't feeling so good
About this.
168
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,028
- if you can't take the pee,
Get out of the pee-ery.
169
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,022
Hey, how's the hunting there,
Showtime?
170
00:07:14,024 --> 00:07:16,007
- uh--
- you bag one yet?
171
00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:18,001
- no, early, I haven't.
172
00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:20,011
It seems lord's bounty is
Mighty thin out here.
173
00:07:20,013 --> 00:07:21,024
- what you need to do
Is rent you
174
00:07:21,026 --> 00:07:23,007
One of these here
Beating sticks.
175
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,004
$60 each.
176
00:07:25,006 --> 00:07:27,015
- early, there ain't no meat
To beat out here!
177
00:07:27,017 --> 00:07:28,026
- hold on, wait a minute!
Russell!
178
00:07:28,028 --> 00:07:30,000
You the personnel man.
179
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:31,027
Where's them damn hogs at?
180
00:07:31,029 --> 00:07:33,014
- daddy, I think something's
Wrong with them hogs.
181
00:07:33,016 --> 00:07:35,028
They all skinny, paranoid,
182
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,010
Showing up late to be killed.
183
00:07:37,012 --> 00:07:38,023
- your brochure lied!
184
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:41,017
- shut up!
I see one!
185
00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:42,027
Hey, snakeman, you seeing that?
186
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,010
He's a fatty.
187
00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:46,019
Go get you some!
188
00:07:46,021 --> 00:07:48,001
- oh! Ow! Ow!
189
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:49,008
Help, daddy!
190
00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,027
No, daddy!
191
00:07:50,029 --> 00:07:52,000
- whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hey!
192
00:07:52,002 --> 00:07:54,018
Snakeman!
193
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:56,025
That damn hog's a'running off
With my ride!
194
00:07:58,027 --> 00:08:00,026
[gunshot]
195
00:08:00,028 --> 00:08:02,024
- damn! Daddy!
196
00:08:02,026 --> 00:08:04,008
We done been cleaned out!
197
00:08:04,010 --> 00:08:06,004
- well, just what I thought.
198
00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:08,017
It looks like the work of hogs.
199
00:08:08,019 --> 00:08:11,007
- hey, man, the dale, junior
Poster is gone!
200
00:08:11,009 --> 00:08:12,028
And the matching bandana, too!
201
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,006
- good thing they didn't get
202
00:08:14,008 --> 00:08:17,004
My '96 atlanta olympic
Barbeque pump.
203
00:08:17,006 --> 00:08:19,019
There we go.
204
00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:22,021
- early...
You wouldn't be committing no...
205
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:24,027
Insurance fraud there,
Would you now?
206
00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:27,027
- insurance?!
Hell, I ain't got no insurance.
207
00:08:27,029 --> 00:08:30,013
But I'm gonna sue the pants out
Of the 1996 olympics
208
00:08:30,015 --> 00:08:32,009
For burning my som-bitching
House down.
209
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,028
Bunch of sick,
Fire-toting freaks
210
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,020
Hanging medals around
Their necks.
211
00:08:35,022 --> 00:08:37,010
- hey, sheriff, what you
Doing up here?
212
00:08:37,012 --> 00:08:38,028
- well, y'all ain't paid
Your loan.
213
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,022
So, I'm here to seize your
Assets.
214
00:08:40,024 --> 00:08:42,019
Looks like someone beat me
215
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,012
To the dale junior poster
Though.
216
00:08:44,014 --> 00:08:45,011
- rusty, get a picture of this.
217
00:08:45,013 --> 00:08:47,027
- [coughing]
218
00:08:47,029 --> 00:08:50,012
Y'all gonna have to excuse me.
219
00:08:50,014 --> 00:08:53,011
This here smoke's just playing
Hell with my sinuses and stuff.
220
00:08:53,013 --> 00:08:55,007
- oh!
221
00:08:55,009 --> 00:08:56,029
- oh, you so tense.
222
00:08:57,001 --> 00:08:58,019
- mmm!
- oh, the tension.
223
00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:00,003
- oh, that's so nice.
224
00:09:00,005 --> 00:09:01,009
Wait.
225
00:09:01,011 --> 00:09:02,025
You ain't entering me in
226
00:09:02,027 --> 00:09:05,000
Another tough man competition,
Are you?
227
00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:06,001
- no, granny.
228
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,015
Hey, listen.
229
00:09:07,017 --> 00:09:09,009
You so stressed about
Everything.
230
00:09:09,011 --> 00:09:10,024
I mean, look at this stress knot
231
00:09:10,026 --> 00:09:11,027
Right here in the middle
Of your back.
232
00:09:11,029 --> 00:09:13,002
- ow!
233
00:09:13,004 --> 00:09:13,024
- there you go.
234
00:09:13,026 --> 00:09:14,029
That's a big 'un.
235
00:09:15,001 --> 00:09:16,023
- and I'm expected to believe
236
00:09:16,025 --> 00:09:19,008
That this is an authentic
Mountain pork rind, early?
237
00:09:19,010 --> 00:09:20,006
- taste of it.
238
00:09:20,008 --> 00:09:21,029
- mmm!
239
00:09:22,001 --> 00:09:23,011
Mmm! Mmm!
240
00:09:23,013 --> 00:09:25,015
No.
241
00:09:25,017 --> 00:09:26,028
No, I don't think this is much
Of a business plan.
242
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,016
[whistles]
243
00:09:28,018 --> 00:09:30,027
Go on!
Seize all the assets at once.
244
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:33,019
- uh...
245
00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:35,021
You want me to pick up this...
246
00:09:35,023 --> 00:09:37,003
- yes.
The skeleton!
247
00:09:37,005 --> 00:09:38,001
- well...
248
00:09:38,003 --> 00:09:39,016
Ok.
249
00:09:39,018 --> 00:09:41,015
I'm the law.
250
00:09:41,017 --> 00:09:43,009
[sniffing]
251
00:09:43,011 --> 00:09:45,008
Somebody's cooking meth up here.
252
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,019
- meth? What?!
How dare you?
253
00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:49,010
This is a legitimate pork
Rindery.
254
00:09:49,012 --> 00:09:50,028
Look.
- son of a bitch!
255
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:51,029
- see?!
256
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:54,009
[boom]
257
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,026
- that was a meth lab
Explosion.
258
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:57,022
- what?!
No, no.
259
00:09:57,024 --> 00:09:59,024
That's just a hog latrine
Going off.
260
00:10:07,004 --> 00:10:09,001
[oinking]
261
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:10,028
- oh, lord.
262
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,029
But this hog's strung out
On drugs.
263
00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:15,004
- how--
- call 911.
264
00:10:15,006 --> 00:10:16,011
- hell, that hog can't be
On drugs.
265
00:10:16,013 --> 00:10:18,000
- one, two, three.
266
00:10:18,002 --> 00:10:19,020
- how could a hog,
What ain't got no money,
267
00:10:19,022 --> 00:10:21,014
Pay money for damn drugs?!
268
00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:23,005
Lil?
269
00:10:23,007 --> 00:10:26,013
- the first taste is
Always free.
270
00:10:26,015 --> 00:10:27,026
- there's no damn pulse.
271
00:10:27,028 --> 00:10:29,015
One, two, three.
272
00:10:29,017 --> 00:10:31,005
[blows]
273
00:10:31,007 --> 00:10:32,023
One, two, three.
274
00:10:32,025 --> 00:10:34,022
[blows]
275
00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,026
Come on, you fat bastard!
276
00:10:35,028 --> 00:10:36,029
Live!
277
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:38,012
One, two, three.
278
00:10:38,014 --> 00:10:40,002
[blows]
279
00:10:40,004 --> 00:10:43,011
One, two, three.
280
00:10:46,009 --> 00:10:48,009
I'm afraid I did all I could.
281
00:10:48,011 --> 00:10:50,014
This hog...
282
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:52,009
Is dead.
283
00:10:58,001 --> 00:10:59,027
- is your hog on drugs?
284
00:10:59,029 --> 00:11:01,010
How would you know?
285
00:11:01,012 --> 00:11:03,005
How could you
Tell?
286
00:11:03,007 --> 00:11:05,025
Look for these here
Warning signs:
287
00:11:05,027 --> 00:11:08,019
Sudden weight loss...
288
00:11:08,021 --> 00:11:12,002
Euphoria leading to paranoia...
289
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,014
Stealatization of your things,
290
00:11:14,016 --> 00:11:16,001
And jibbery style oinkery
291
00:11:16,003 --> 00:11:18,007
What make no sense at all.
292
00:11:18,009 --> 00:11:20,012
Warn your hogs about
The dangers of meth
293
00:11:20,014 --> 00:11:23,003
Before it's too damn
Late.
294
00:11:23,005 --> 00:11:25,006
I'm early cuyler,
295
00:11:25,008 --> 00:11:27,025
And that concludes my
Court-ordered community service.
296
00:11:27,027 --> 00:11:29,012
Don't it?
297
00:11:29,014 --> 00:11:31,002
Come on, randy.
298
00:11:31,004 --> 00:11:32,003
Let me the [bleep] Out.
19866
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