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[static]
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00:00:02,024 --> 00:00:05,006
[changing stations]
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- ♪ my dreams are all
4
00:00:07,013 --> 00:00:10,021
♪ dead and buried
5
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♪ sometimes I wish the sun
6
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♪ would just explode
7
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♪ when god comes and calls me
8
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♪ to his kingdom
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♪ I'll take all you sons of
10
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♪ bitches when I go
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♪ [singing indistinctly]
12
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- my turn.
- hell no.
13
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- hey, man, lemme drive
That thing, come on.
14
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- don't touch the trim!
15
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[siren wailing]
16
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- early, I'm not gonna
Ask you again, now.
17
00:00:39,008 --> 00:00:40,013
If you come out
Right this minute,
18
00:00:40,015 --> 00:00:42,024
I can guarantee
Your safety.
19
00:00:42,026 --> 00:00:44,004
- I ain't goin' nowhere,
Except hell,
20
00:00:44,006 --> 00:00:46,002
And I'm takin' you
With me.
21
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,012
- early, the talkin' part's
Over.
22
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:48,022
I'm countin' to 3.
23
00:00:48,024 --> 00:00:52,006
Then I'm comin' in.
24
00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:53,026
- you better have both them
Guns a-blazin'.
25
00:00:53,028 --> 00:00:55,021
- one...
26
00:00:55,023 --> 00:01:00,012
Two...
27
00:01:00,014 --> 00:01:02,002
Come on, early.
28
00:01:02,004 --> 00:01:04,006
We're gonna be late for church.
29
00:01:04,008 --> 00:01:07,026
- aw, hell.
Is it sunday already?
30
00:01:07,028 --> 00:01:10,013
Damn, don't time fly
When you drunk as hell?
31
00:01:10,015 --> 00:01:11,023
Now, let's get it on!
32
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- good lord.
33
00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:15,023
You're wearing that
To church, early?
34
00:01:15,025 --> 00:01:18,006
- listen here, boy.
The lord made everything,
35
00:01:18,008 --> 00:01:20,005
So he must've made
This here hat.
36
00:01:20,007 --> 00:01:22,008
Ain't that right, granny?
- no.
37
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:25,017
I won that flashing my tetas
Down in pc beach.
38
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,024
- and god made pc beach,
Didn't he?
39
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- oh, he certainly did.
- yes, he did.
40
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God is gooder than hell.
41
00:01:31,017 --> 00:01:34,001
- right.
Uh, if y'all don't mind, uh,
42
00:01:34,003 --> 00:01:36,020
I'm going to sit a few pews
Away this week here.
43
00:01:36,022 --> 00:01:38,000
- I do!
44
00:01:38,002 --> 00:01:40,005
I've got the power in me!
45
00:01:40,007 --> 00:01:42,012
I feel it!
46
00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:45,002
I've got so much
Holy energy in me.
47
00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:47,011
I've just got to dance it off.
48
00:01:47,013 --> 00:01:50,010
Hallelujah! Ha!
49
00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:52,028
Can I get a hallelujah
Out there?
50
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,001
Hallelu--
51
00:01:55,003 --> 00:01:56,014
Huh.
52
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,027
Uh, anyone?
53
00:01:58,029 --> 00:02:00,010
- them speakers sound fine!
54
00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:01,025
- ha ha.
55
00:02:01,027 --> 00:02:04,022
Ha ha.
Thank you, brother early.
56
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:08,001
And now, I'd like to ask
All of the teenagers
57
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,005
To come up to the front
58
00:02:10,007 --> 00:02:14,027
For what I call
"God is rad."
59
00:02:14,029 --> 00:02:17,012
[organ playing]
60
00:02:17,014 --> 00:02:19,003
[cocks gun]
- yessir.
61
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,000
- high five, teenager.
62
00:02:24,015 --> 00:02:27,025
You wanna know
What's totally awesome,
63
00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:30,023
Gnarly, and tubular?
64
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:33,003
Jesus.
65
00:02:33,005 --> 00:02:34,025
But when the devil enters
Your life,
66
00:02:34,027 --> 00:02:37,024
You should say unto thee,
67
00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:41,001
"Devil, you are a nerd
In my book."
68
00:02:41,003 --> 00:02:42,014
- hey.
69
00:02:42,016 --> 00:02:43,018
When we gonna do the money?
70
00:02:43,020 --> 00:02:45,018
- uh, heh heh.
71
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,008
Brother early, we'll get
To that later.
72
00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:48,028
- I got to it now.
73
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,011
Hat's a-comin' round, folks.
74
00:02:50,013 --> 00:02:52,010
Do generositize it.
75
00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:54,006
- early, heh, we have a proper
Receptacle for the--
76
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:57,000
Oh! Oh, my god!
77
00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:59,000
- but that's my weekend hat!
78
00:02:59,002 --> 00:03:03,017
- early, what message
Do you think your hat sends?
79
00:03:03,019 --> 00:03:05,012
- well, just what's airbrushed
On there--
80
00:03:05,014 --> 00:03:09,003
"[bleep] Your ass off!
Pc beach '92!" whoo!
81
00:03:09,005 --> 00:03:11,010
- early, I think you need
To go back in there
82
00:03:11,012 --> 00:03:13,013
And ask for his forgiveness.
83
00:03:13,015 --> 00:03:16,006
Then and only then
Will you receive
84
00:03:16,008 --> 00:03:18,002
More of our canned goods.
85
00:03:18,004 --> 00:03:20,002
- look, early, that's food.
86
00:03:20,004 --> 00:03:21,015
- food!
That's for eatin'.
87
00:03:21,017 --> 00:03:22,022
There's some yams in here.
88
00:03:22,024 --> 00:03:24,007
- let's see--yams.
89
00:03:24,009 --> 00:03:25,015
- more yams.
- yam boo-lon.
90
00:03:25,017 --> 00:03:27,006
- well?
91
00:03:27,008 --> 00:03:29,007
- this is a awful lot of yams
In here.
92
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,014
- but wait a minute,
Now, reverend.
93
00:03:30,016 --> 00:03:31,024
You know today's the big race.
94
00:03:31,026 --> 00:03:34,010
- early! Talladega can wait.
95
00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:37,007
- no. The race
It's today!
96
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,020
- it's just a reenactment.
- quiet, honky.
97
00:03:38,022 --> 00:03:39,029
You can't reenact the destiny.
98
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:42,025
- early...
99
00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:45,000
[organ playing]
100
00:03:45,002 --> 00:03:47,008
- oh, lord, who done made
All creatures great and small
101
00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:49,026
In his own image.
102
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:52,003
Did you make them fine-ass-
Sounding speakers over there
103
00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:53,020
What would sound gooder
Than hell coming out
104
00:03:53,022 --> 00:03:55,009
The back
Of my truckboat truck?
105
00:03:55,011 --> 00:03:57,019
[rustling]
106
00:03:57,021 --> 00:03:59,002
Well, if you don't want me to
Jimmy-jack them sweet tweeters,
107
00:03:59,004 --> 00:04:02,010
You best give me a sign.
108
00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:04,011
A new sign.
I done seen that 'un.
109
00:04:04,013 --> 00:04:06,000
[grunting]
110
00:04:06,002 --> 00:04:07,017
Lord, please give me
The strength
111
00:04:07,019 --> 00:04:10,010
To lift these fine-ass
Speakers off the--
112
00:04:10,012 --> 00:04:12,005
[crash]
113
00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:19,007
- go to the light.
114
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,006
[indistinct] Come to the light.
115
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Early.
116
00:04:29,009 --> 00:04:32,007
[dance music playing]
117
00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:36,007
- ♪ go to the light
118
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,009
♪ change your life
119
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,001
- ♪ change your life
120
00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,004
- ♪ go to the light
121
00:04:42,006 --> 00:04:45,005
- [beeping]
122
00:04:49,007 --> 00:04:51,005
Y'all hear that?
123
00:04:51,007 --> 00:04:52,024
That's what it sounds like
If we had insurance.
124
00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:54,017
- uhh.
- praise be jesus.
125
00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:57,002
He's saved.
126
00:04:57,004 --> 00:05:01,008
♪ jesus' sheep has found
The shepherd in the world ♪
127
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,025
- yes, granny.
128
00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:05,001
I seen the light
129
00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:08,013
Like a dui roadblock in the sky.
130
00:05:08,015 --> 00:05:10,013
But I pulled a u-ie and hauled
Ass through the woods,
131
00:05:10,015 --> 00:05:12,027
And now my life has purpose.
132
00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:15,003
Good-bye, brown party liquor.
133
00:05:15,005 --> 00:05:17,013
Gunnery, you have
A good 'un, now.
134
00:05:17,015 --> 00:05:19,025
Masturbation, uh...
135
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:22,000
Let's just call it a hiatus.
136
00:05:22,002 --> 00:05:24,009
From now on, I'm a bush hog
137
00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:28,000
On the front end loader
Of the lord.
138
00:05:28,002 --> 00:05:30,017
- and so early set out
To live his life
139
00:05:30,019 --> 00:05:33,015
In a more jesusly fashion.
140
00:05:33,017 --> 00:05:35,004
- what's all this stuff, early?
141
00:05:35,006 --> 00:05:37,002
- the squid giveth back
Unto thee
142
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:40,013
Whateth he hath
Stealedeth from thine garageth.
143
00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:42,025
- good lord, it's my portable
Digital assistant.
144
00:05:42,027 --> 00:05:44,013
- oh, but there's more.
145
00:05:44,015 --> 00:05:47,002
Open thouest tooly chest.
146
00:05:47,004 --> 00:05:49,018
- it's my missing kidney.
147
00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:51,007
Early, you shouldn't have.
148
00:05:51,009 --> 00:05:52,025
- god bless, man.
149
00:05:52,027 --> 00:05:54,002
- no, I mean you shouldn't have
Never stole
150
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:55,027
My damn kidney
To start with.
151
00:05:55,029 --> 00:05:59,013
I-I'm gonna arrest you
On this one.
152
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,025
Maybe.
153
00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:06,018
- yes, darlin', your chest is
Full and heaving.
154
00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:09,023
But what about the heart that
Lays beneath them puppies?
155
00:06:09,025 --> 00:06:11,027
Look here, I want you to read
This here literature.
156
00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:13,012
No!
157
00:06:13,014 --> 00:06:14,028
Pick it up with the butt cheeks.
158
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,027
So please accept these
Candied yams
159
00:06:16,029 --> 00:06:18,022
As a advance on the child
Support
160
00:06:18,024 --> 00:06:20,015
That I ain't never gonna pay,
161
00:06:20,017 --> 00:06:22,014
'cause you just gonna
Spend it on bathtub crank
162
00:06:22,016 --> 00:06:24,001
From my sister.
163
00:06:24,003 --> 00:06:26,006
And also know that I forgive
Thee
164
00:06:26,008 --> 00:06:28,007
For doing the unskinny bop
165
00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:30,002
With every damn creature
From this valley.
166
00:06:30,004 --> 00:06:32,007
But what can one do,
167
00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:35,000
For the vagina wants
What the vagina wants.
168
00:06:35,002 --> 00:06:36,026
Ain't that right,
You whore of babylon?
169
00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,026
I'm sorry, jesus.
I can't help it.
170
00:06:38,028 --> 00:06:40,015
She just makes me
So damn pissed off.
171
00:06:40,017 --> 00:06:42,014
[rattling]
172
00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:45,012
[rattling stops]
173
00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:47,013
- check the date on them yams.
174
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,022
No, not you.
175
00:06:48,024 --> 00:06:49,026
Hey, ese. [snaps]
176
00:06:49,028 --> 00:06:51,016
Vamonos.
177
00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:52,024
- [speaking gibberish]
178
00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:57,020
- hold on, then.
179
00:06:57,022 --> 00:06:59,002
Oh, wait.
W-w-wait, wait, uh,
180
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:00,016
Go back. Go back.
181
00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:02,009
I didn't get anything after
182
00:07:02,011 --> 00:07:04,029
"Abdula dalla
Flobed halwa dowuh."
183
00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:07,003
- I can't go back.
I don't even know where I am.
184
00:07:07,005 --> 00:07:09,016
This here's ancient hebrewloid
From sumerifornia.
185
00:07:09,018 --> 00:07:11,004
- what's this for, anyway?
186
00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:12,025
- we making literatures
To hand out
187
00:07:12,027 --> 00:07:14,021
In front of that
Damn dokken concert.
188
00:07:14,023 --> 00:07:16,002
- but--but I was gonna
See dokken.
189
00:07:16,004 --> 00:07:18,001
- dokken is devily
Music, rusty.
190
00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:19,021
- but it's a totally
Different lineup.
191
00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:21,010
- if don dokken is involved,
It is devily music.
192
00:07:21,012 --> 00:07:23,007
Aww, look there, rusty.
193
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,021
You misspelled
[speaking gibberish].
194
00:07:25,023 --> 00:07:28,008
- will you keep it down,
For crying out loud?
195
00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:31,010
I'm trying to watch me stories
196
00:07:31,012 --> 00:07:34,003
And I'm having a really
Hard time.
197
00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:35,028
Stories?
198
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,022
- unh-unh.
I done give away the story box.
199
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,000
From now on, we going to enjoy
This classic butter churn.
200
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,019
[grunting]
201
00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:44,010
- oh, where's the tv?
202
00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:46,008
Now I'm pissed.
203
00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:47,012
- come on, now.
Everybody take a turn.
204
00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:49,002
[grunting]
205
00:07:49,004 --> 00:07:50,018
Idle hands is the devil's
Ding-a-ling.
206
00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:53,010
- ow! Ow! Daddy.
207
00:07:53,012 --> 00:07:55,013
Where you want I'm gonna put
These work snakes?
208
00:07:55,015 --> 00:07:57,009
- just drape 'em
Around your neck.
209
00:07:57,011 --> 00:07:59,000
They won't harm you
If they don't bite you,
210
00:07:59,002 --> 00:08:00,011
But you gotta be predestined.
211
00:08:28,003 --> 00:08:29,016
- what's this say, reverend?
212
00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:31,028
- well, heh heh,
I'm not real good
213
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,020
With ancient sumerifornian
Hebrewloid,
214
00:08:34,022 --> 00:08:37,002
But it looks like early
Isn't really
215
00:08:37,004 --> 00:08:38,028
A big fan of dokken.
216
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,018
- but it's a whole new lineup.
217
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,007
- unh-unh. Hell no.
218
00:08:42,009 --> 00:08:43,028
I'll be here
For 40 days and 40 nights
219
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,013
If that's what it takes
220
00:08:45,015 --> 00:08:47,028
To keep these commandments
On display.
221
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,029
What's next? They gonna try
To take it out of our schools?
222
00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,014
Bull mess!
I am against it.
223
00:08:52,016 --> 00:08:55,022
I'm against mens kissing mens
For any reason,
224
00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:59,006
But when womans do it...
Ahem.
225
00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:02,019
But that seems all right.
226
00:09:02,021 --> 00:09:06,012
Uh, any womans here willing to
Make out with another woman?
227
00:09:06,014 --> 00:09:08,013
I'm against all digits below
228
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:11,002
And above the number 9.
229
00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:12,026
They all blasphemous.
230
00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:15,002
Uh, and nitrogen,
231
00:09:15,004 --> 00:09:16,029
'cause you know it was brought
Here on ships
232
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:19,001
By space jews.
233
00:09:19,003 --> 00:09:20,005
Hell yeah.
You know the ones.
234
00:09:20,007 --> 00:09:22,003
You.
235
00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:23,029
Can I offer you some literature?
236
00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:26,006
- no, thank you.
I lived it.
237
00:09:26,008 --> 00:09:28,011
- j-jesus?
Is that you, my lord?
238
00:09:28,013 --> 00:09:30,002
- shh.
- hallelujah!
239
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,012
Hot diddily damn!
- keep it down.
240
00:09:32,014 --> 00:09:34,020
Look, I'm just here to ask you
A favor, ok?
241
00:09:34,022 --> 00:09:37,014
Could you please stop talking
About me so much?
242
00:09:37,016 --> 00:09:38,026
You're kind of blowing
My street cred.
243
00:09:38,028 --> 00:09:39,025
- but lord, I only--
244
00:09:39,027 --> 00:09:40,028
- look, I like you.
245
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,013
I do. I swear.
246
00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:46,018
Technically, I have to, but
What's a good way to put this?
247
00:09:49,029 --> 00:09:51,024
- [gasp]
You breakin' up with me?
248
00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:53,023
- yeah.
249
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,029
- but--but what about
The lights?
250
00:09:55,001 --> 00:09:56,003
It--it was you, jesus.
251
00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,000
I knowed it.
252
00:09:57,002 --> 00:09:59,000
- it was cher, ok?
253
00:09:59,002 --> 00:10:00,017
A speaker fell on your head.
254
00:10:00,019 --> 00:10:02,015
- but you saved me.
255
00:10:02,017 --> 00:10:04,004
- do you remember your hat?
256
00:10:04,006 --> 00:10:06,016
That really offensive one?
257
00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:09,011
Apparently, the foam donkey
Erection was detachable.
258
00:10:09,013 --> 00:10:12,020
That's what saved you.
259
00:10:12,022 --> 00:10:14,026
That's what that was, right?
A donkey erection?
260
00:10:14,028 --> 00:10:16,022
Nice. Nice taste there.
261
00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:18,023
Thanks for wearing it to church.
Nicely done.
262
00:10:18,025 --> 00:10:20,021
- but they're tryin' to take
Down your commandments.
263
00:10:20,023 --> 00:10:22,013
Ain't you wanna do nothin'
About it?
264
00:10:22,015 --> 00:10:23,023
- dude, have you even
Read this thing?
265
00:10:23,025 --> 00:10:26,003
It's a beer ad.
266
00:10:26,005 --> 00:10:27,025
- oh. So it is.
267
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:30,023
- look, let's make a deal, ok?
268
00:10:30,025 --> 00:10:34,020
You stop talking about me
And I will...
269
00:10:34,022 --> 00:10:35,021
Ok, I'm gonna do this for you.
270
00:10:35,023 --> 00:10:38,019
[snaps]
271
00:10:38,021 --> 00:10:40,008
Mm?
Take a taste.
272
00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:42,015
- [slurps]
273
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,003
Could it be?
274
00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,021
Party liquor rain?
275
00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:46,027
- that's single malt,
My friend.
276
00:10:46,029 --> 00:10:49,000
Barrel aged.
277
00:10:49,002 --> 00:10:50,014
And that's quality, not like
You know the difference.
278
00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,025
- let me get this straight,
Now.
279
00:10:51,027 --> 00:10:52,025
Every time it rains--
280
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,012
- no, early.
Just this once.
281
00:10:54,014 --> 00:10:56,010
- [slurps]
282
00:10:56,012 --> 00:10:58,020
[scraping]
- well, here we are, early.
283
00:10:58,022 --> 00:11:00,009
Home sweet home.
284
00:11:00,011 --> 00:11:01,029
- [retches]
285
00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:04,005
Well. I'm in here.
286
00:11:04,007 --> 00:11:05,015
- you took care of it, right?
287
00:11:05,017 --> 00:11:07,007
- it's all good.
288
00:11:07,009 --> 00:11:08,004
Check out this flat screen.
289
00:11:08,006 --> 00:11:09,016
- yeah, you're the man.
290
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:12,011
[tinny music playing]
291
00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:16,014
Oh, come on, now.
292
00:11:16,016 --> 00:11:18,018
Nobody cares who these
People are.
19916
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