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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,027 --> 00:00:02,022 [static] 2 00:00:02,024 --> 00:00:05,006 [changing stations] 3 00:00:05,008 --> 00:00:07,011 - ♪ my dreams are all 4 00:00:07,013 --> 00:00:10,021 ♪ dead and buried 5 00:00:10,023 --> 00:00:12,017 ♪ sometimes I wish the sun 6 00:00:12,019 --> 00:00:16,003 ♪ would just explode 7 00:00:16,005 --> 00:00:18,006 ♪ when god comes and calls me 8 00:00:18,008 --> 00:00:21,000 ♪ to his kingdom 9 00:00:21,002 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ I'll take all you sons of 10 00:00:22,025 --> 00:00:25,001 ♪ bitches when I go 11 00:00:25,003 --> 00:00:28,006 ♪ [singing indistinctly] 12 00:00:28,008 --> 00:00:30,005 - my turn. - hell no. 13 00:00:30,007 --> 00:00:31,013 - hey, man, lemme drive That thing, come on. 14 00:00:31,015 --> 00:00:32,027 - don't touch the trim! 15 00:00:35,009 --> 00:00:36,028 [siren wailing] 16 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,006 - early, I'm not gonna Ask you again, now. 17 00:00:39,008 --> 00:00:40,013 If you come out Right this minute, 18 00:00:40,015 --> 00:00:42,024 I can guarantee Your safety. 19 00:00:42,026 --> 00:00:44,004 - I ain't goin' nowhere, Except hell, 20 00:00:44,006 --> 00:00:46,002 And I'm takin' you With me. 21 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,012 - early, the talkin' part's Over. 22 00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:48,022 I'm countin' to 3. 23 00:00:48,024 --> 00:00:52,006 Then I'm comin' in. 24 00:00:52,008 --> 00:00:53,026 - you better have both them Guns a-blazin'. 25 00:00:53,028 --> 00:00:55,021 - one... 26 00:00:55,023 --> 00:01:00,012 Two... 27 00:01:00,014 --> 00:01:02,002 Come on, early. 28 00:01:02,004 --> 00:01:04,006 We're gonna be late for church. 29 00:01:04,008 --> 00:01:07,026 - aw, hell. Is it sunday already? 30 00:01:07,028 --> 00:01:10,013 Damn, don't time fly When you drunk as hell? 31 00:01:10,015 --> 00:01:11,023 Now, let's get it on! 32 00:01:11,025 --> 00:01:13,023 - good lord. 33 00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:15,023 You're wearing that To church, early? 34 00:01:15,025 --> 00:01:18,006 - listen here, boy. The lord made everything, 35 00:01:18,008 --> 00:01:20,005 So he must've made This here hat. 36 00:01:20,007 --> 00:01:22,008 Ain't that right, granny? - no. 37 00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:25,017 I won that flashing my tetas Down in pc beach. 38 00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:27,024 - and god made pc beach, Didn't he? 39 00:01:27,026 --> 00:01:29,021 - oh, he certainly did. - yes, he did. 40 00:01:29,023 --> 00:01:31,015 God is gooder than hell. 41 00:01:31,017 --> 00:01:34,001 - right. Uh, if y'all don't mind, uh, 42 00:01:34,003 --> 00:01:36,020 I'm going to sit a few pews Away this week here. 43 00:01:36,022 --> 00:01:38,000 - I do! 44 00:01:38,002 --> 00:01:40,005 I've got the power in me! 45 00:01:40,007 --> 00:01:42,012 I feel it! 46 00:01:42,014 --> 00:01:45,002 I've got so much Holy energy in me. 47 00:01:45,004 --> 00:01:47,011 I've just got to dance it off. 48 00:01:47,013 --> 00:01:50,010 Hallelujah! Ha! 49 00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:52,028 Can I get a hallelujah Out there? 50 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,001 Hallelu-- 51 00:01:55,003 --> 00:01:56,014 Huh. 52 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,027 Uh, anyone? 53 00:01:58,029 --> 00:02:00,010 - them speakers sound fine! 54 00:02:00,012 --> 00:02:01,025 - ha ha. 55 00:02:01,027 --> 00:02:04,022 Ha ha. Thank you, brother early. 56 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:08,001 And now, I'd like to ask All of the teenagers 57 00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:10,005 To come up to the front 58 00:02:10,007 --> 00:02:14,027 For what I call "God is rad." 59 00:02:14,029 --> 00:02:17,012 [organ playing] 60 00:02:17,014 --> 00:02:19,003 [cocks gun] - yessir. 61 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:21,000 - high five, teenager. 62 00:02:24,015 --> 00:02:27,025 You wanna know What's totally awesome, 63 00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:30,023 Gnarly, and tubular? 64 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:33,003 Jesus. 65 00:02:33,005 --> 00:02:34,025 But when the devil enters Your life, 66 00:02:34,027 --> 00:02:37,024 You should say unto thee, 67 00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:41,001 "Devil, you are a nerd In my book." 68 00:02:41,003 --> 00:02:42,014 - hey. 69 00:02:42,016 --> 00:02:43,018 When we gonna do the money? 70 00:02:43,020 --> 00:02:45,018 - uh, heh heh. 71 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,008 Brother early, we'll get To that later. 72 00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:48,028 - I got to it now. 73 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:50,011 Hat's a-comin' round, folks. 74 00:02:50,013 --> 00:02:52,010 Do generositize it. 75 00:02:52,012 --> 00:02:54,006 - early, heh, we have a proper Receptacle for the-- 76 00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:57,000 Oh! Oh, my god! 77 00:02:57,002 --> 00:02:59,000 - but that's my weekend hat! 78 00:02:59,002 --> 00:03:03,017 - early, what message Do you think your hat sends? 79 00:03:03,019 --> 00:03:05,012 - well, just what's airbrushed On there-- 80 00:03:05,014 --> 00:03:09,003 "[bleep] Your ass off! Pc beach '92!" whoo! 81 00:03:09,005 --> 00:03:11,010 - early, I think you need To go back in there 82 00:03:11,012 --> 00:03:13,013 And ask for his forgiveness. 83 00:03:13,015 --> 00:03:16,006 Then and only then Will you receive 84 00:03:16,008 --> 00:03:18,002 More of our canned goods. 85 00:03:18,004 --> 00:03:20,002 - look, early, that's food. 86 00:03:20,004 --> 00:03:21,015 - food! That's for eatin'. 87 00:03:21,017 --> 00:03:22,022 There's some yams in here. 88 00:03:22,024 --> 00:03:24,007 - let's see--yams. 89 00:03:24,009 --> 00:03:25,015 - more yams. - yam boo-lon. 90 00:03:25,017 --> 00:03:27,006 - well? 91 00:03:27,008 --> 00:03:29,007 - this is a awful lot of yams In here. 92 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,014 - but wait a minute, Now, reverend. 93 00:03:30,016 --> 00:03:31,024 You know today's the big race. 94 00:03:31,026 --> 00:03:34,010 - early! Talladega can wait. 95 00:03:34,012 --> 00:03:37,007 - no. The race It's today! 96 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,020 - it's just a reenactment. - quiet, honky. 97 00:03:38,022 --> 00:03:39,029 You can't reenact the destiny. 98 00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:42,025 - early... 99 00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:45,000 [organ playing] 100 00:03:45,002 --> 00:03:47,008 - oh, lord, who done made All creatures great and small 101 00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:49,026 In his own image. 102 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:52,003 Did you make them fine-ass- Sounding speakers over there 103 00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:53,020 What would sound gooder Than hell coming out 104 00:03:53,022 --> 00:03:55,009 The back Of my truckboat truck? 105 00:03:55,011 --> 00:03:57,019 [rustling] 106 00:03:57,021 --> 00:03:59,002 Well, if you don't want me to Jimmy-jack them sweet tweeters, 107 00:03:59,004 --> 00:04:02,010 You best give me a sign. 108 00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:04,011 A new sign. I done seen that 'un. 109 00:04:04,013 --> 00:04:06,000 [grunting] 110 00:04:06,002 --> 00:04:07,017 Lord, please give me The strength 111 00:04:07,019 --> 00:04:10,010 To lift these fine-ass Speakers off the-- 112 00:04:10,012 --> 00:04:12,005 [crash] 113 00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:19,007 - go to the light. 114 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:21,006 [indistinct] Come to the light. 115 00:04:21,008 --> 00:04:25,011 Early. 116 00:04:29,009 --> 00:04:32,007 [dance music playing] 117 00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:36,007 - ♪ go to the light 118 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,009 ♪ change your life 119 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,001 - ♪ change your life 120 00:04:40,003 --> 00:04:42,004 - ♪ go to the light 121 00:04:42,006 --> 00:04:45,005 - [beeping] 122 00:04:49,007 --> 00:04:51,005 Y'all hear that? 123 00:04:51,007 --> 00:04:52,024 That's what it sounds like If we had insurance. 124 00:04:52,026 --> 00:04:54,017 - uhh. - praise be jesus. 125 00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:57,002 He's saved. 126 00:04:57,004 --> 00:05:01,008 ♪ jesus' sheep has found The shepherd in the world ♪ 127 00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,025 - yes, granny. 128 00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:05,001 I seen the light 129 00:05:05,003 --> 00:05:08,013 Like a dui roadblock in the sky. 130 00:05:08,015 --> 00:05:10,013 But I pulled a u-ie and hauled Ass through the woods, 131 00:05:10,015 --> 00:05:12,027 And now my life has purpose. 132 00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:15,003 Good-bye, brown party liquor. 133 00:05:15,005 --> 00:05:17,013 Gunnery, you have A good 'un, now. 134 00:05:17,015 --> 00:05:19,025 Masturbation, uh... 135 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:22,000 Let's just call it a hiatus. 136 00:05:22,002 --> 00:05:24,009 From now on, I'm a bush hog 137 00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:28,000 On the front end loader Of the lord. 138 00:05:28,002 --> 00:05:30,017 - and so early set out To live his life 139 00:05:30,019 --> 00:05:33,015 In a more jesusly fashion. 140 00:05:33,017 --> 00:05:35,004 - what's all this stuff, early? 141 00:05:35,006 --> 00:05:37,002 - the squid giveth back Unto thee 142 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:40,013 Whateth he hath Stealedeth from thine garageth. 143 00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:42,025 - good lord, it's my portable Digital assistant. 144 00:05:42,027 --> 00:05:44,013 - oh, but there's more. 145 00:05:44,015 --> 00:05:47,002 Open thouest tooly chest. 146 00:05:47,004 --> 00:05:49,018 - it's my missing kidney. 147 00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:51,007 Early, you shouldn't have. 148 00:05:51,009 --> 00:05:52,025 - god bless, man. 149 00:05:52,027 --> 00:05:54,002 - no, I mean you shouldn't have Never stole 150 00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:55,027 My damn kidney To start with. 151 00:05:55,029 --> 00:05:59,013 I-I'm gonna arrest you On this one. 152 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:02,025 Maybe. 153 00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:06,018 - yes, darlin', your chest is Full and heaving. 154 00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:09,023 But what about the heart that Lays beneath them puppies? 155 00:06:09,025 --> 00:06:11,027 Look here, I want you to read This here literature. 156 00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:13,012 No! 157 00:06:13,014 --> 00:06:14,028 Pick it up with the butt cheeks. 158 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,027 So please accept these Candied yams 159 00:06:16,029 --> 00:06:18,022 As a advance on the child Support 160 00:06:18,024 --> 00:06:20,015 That I ain't never gonna pay, 161 00:06:20,017 --> 00:06:22,014 'cause you just gonna Spend it on bathtub crank 162 00:06:22,016 --> 00:06:24,001 From my sister. 163 00:06:24,003 --> 00:06:26,006 And also know that I forgive Thee 164 00:06:26,008 --> 00:06:28,007 For doing the unskinny bop 165 00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:30,002 With every damn creature From this valley. 166 00:06:30,004 --> 00:06:32,007 But what can one do, 167 00:06:32,009 --> 00:06:35,000 For the vagina wants What the vagina wants. 168 00:06:35,002 --> 00:06:36,026 Ain't that right, You whore of babylon? 169 00:06:36,028 --> 00:06:38,026 I'm sorry, jesus. I can't help it. 170 00:06:38,028 --> 00:06:40,015 She just makes me So damn pissed off. 171 00:06:40,017 --> 00:06:42,014 [rattling] 172 00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:45,012 [rattling stops] 173 00:06:45,014 --> 00:06:47,013 - check the date on them yams. 174 00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,022 No, not you. 175 00:06:48,024 --> 00:06:49,026 Hey, ese. [snaps] 176 00:06:49,028 --> 00:06:51,016 Vamonos. 177 00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:52,024 - [speaking gibberish] 178 00:06:56,006 --> 00:06:57,020 - hold on, then. 179 00:06:57,022 --> 00:06:59,002 Oh, wait. W-w-wait, wait, uh, 180 00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:00,016 Go back. Go back. 181 00:07:00,018 --> 00:07:02,009 I didn't get anything after 182 00:07:02,011 --> 00:07:04,029 "Abdula dalla Flobed halwa dowuh." 183 00:07:05,001 --> 00:07:07,003 - I can't go back. I don't even know where I am. 184 00:07:07,005 --> 00:07:09,016 This here's ancient hebrewloid From sumerifornia. 185 00:07:09,018 --> 00:07:11,004 - what's this for, anyway? 186 00:07:11,006 --> 00:07:12,025 - we making literatures To hand out 187 00:07:12,027 --> 00:07:14,021 In front of that Damn dokken concert. 188 00:07:14,023 --> 00:07:16,002 - but--but I was gonna See dokken. 189 00:07:16,004 --> 00:07:18,001 - dokken is devily Music, rusty. 190 00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:19,021 - but it's a totally Different lineup. 191 00:07:19,023 --> 00:07:21,010 - if don dokken is involved, It is devily music. 192 00:07:21,012 --> 00:07:23,007 Aww, look there, rusty. 193 00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,021 You misspelled [speaking gibberish]. 194 00:07:25,023 --> 00:07:28,008 - will you keep it down, For crying out loud? 195 00:07:28,010 --> 00:07:31,010 I'm trying to watch me stories 196 00:07:31,012 --> 00:07:34,003 And I'm having a really Hard time. 197 00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:35,028 Stories? 198 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,022 - unh-unh. I done give away the story box. 199 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,000 From now on, we going to enjoy This classic butter churn. 200 00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,019 [grunting] 201 00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:44,010 - oh, where's the tv? 202 00:07:44,012 --> 00:07:46,008 Now I'm pissed. 203 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:47,012 - come on, now. Everybody take a turn. 204 00:07:47,014 --> 00:07:49,002 [grunting] 205 00:07:49,004 --> 00:07:50,018 Idle hands is the devil's Ding-a-ling. 206 00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:53,010 - ow! Ow! Daddy. 207 00:07:53,012 --> 00:07:55,013 Where you want I'm gonna put These work snakes? 208 00:07:55,015 --> 00:07:57,009 - just drape 'em Around your neck. 209 00:07:57,011 --> 00:07:59,000 They won't harm you If they don't bite you, 210 00:07:59,002 --> 00:08:00,011 But you gotta be predestined. 211 00:08:28,003 --> 00:08:29,016 - what's this say, reverend? 212 00:08:29,018 --> 00:08:31,028 - well, heh heh, I'm not real good 213 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,020 With ancient sumerifornian Hebrewloid, 214 00:08:34,022 --> 00:08:37,002 But it looks like early Isn't really 215 00:08:37,004 --> 00:08:38,028 A big fan of dokken. 216 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,018 - but it's a whole new lineup. 217 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,007 - unh-unh. Hell no. 218 00:08:42,009 --> 00:08:43,028 I'll be here For 40 days and 40 nights 219 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,013 If that's what it takes 220 00:08:45,015 --> 00:08:47,028 To keep these commandments On display. 221 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,029 What's next? They gonna try To take it out of our schools? 222 00:08:50,001 --> 00:08:52,014 Bull mess! I am against it. 223 00:08:52,016 --> 00:08:55,022 I'm against mens kissing mens For any reason, 224 00:08:55,024 --> 00:08:59,006 But when womans do it... Ahem. 225 00:08:59,008 --> 00:09:02,019 But that seems all right. 226 00:09:02,021 --> 00:09:06,012 Uh, any womans here willing to Make out with another woman? 227 00:09:06,014 --> 00:09:08,013 I'm against all digits below 228 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:11,002 And above the number 9. 229 00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:12,026 They all blasphemous. 230 00:09:12,028 --> 00:09:15,002 Uh, and nitrogen, 231 00:09:15,004 --> 00:09:16,029 'cause you know it was brought Here on ships 232 00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:19,001 By space jews. 233 00:09:19,003 --> 00:09:20,005 Hell yeah. You know the ones. 234 00:09:20,007 --> 00:09:22,003 You. 235 00:09:22,005 --> 00:09:23,029 Can I offer you some literature? 236 00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:26,006 - no, thank you. I lived it. 237 00:09:26,008 --> 00:09:28,011 - j-jesus? Is that you, my lord? 238 00:09:28,013 --> 00:09:30,002 - shh. - hallelujah! 239 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,012 Hot diddily damn! - keep it down. 240 00:09:32,014 --> 00:09:34,020 Look, I'm just here to ask you A favor, ok? 241 00:09:34,022 --> 00:09:37,014 Could you please stop talking About me so much? 242 00:09:37,016 --> 00:09:38,026 You're kind of blowing My street cred. 243 00:09:38,028 --> 00:09:39,025 - but lord, I only-- 244 00:09:39,027 --> 00:09:40,028 - look, I like you. 245 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,013 I do. I swear. 246 00:09:43,015 --> 00:09:46,018 Technically, I have to, but What's a good way to put this? 247 00:09:49,029 --> 00:09:51,024 - [gasp] You breakin' up with me? 248 00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:53,023 - yeah. 249 00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:54,029 - but--but what about The lights? 250 00:09:55,001 --> 00:09:56,003 It--it was you, jesus. 251 00:09:56,005 --> 00:09:57,000 I knowed it. 252 00:09:57,002 --> 00:09:59,000 - it was cher, ok? 253 00:09:59,002 --> 00:10:00,017 A speaker fell on your head. 254 00:10:00,019 --> 00:10:02,015 - but you saved me. 255 00:10:02,017 --> 00:10:04,004 - do you remember your hat? 256 00:10:04,006 --> 00:10:06,016 That really offensive one? 257 00:10:06,018 --> 00:10:09,011 Apparently, the foam donkey Erection was detachable. 258 00:10:09,013 --> 00:10:12,020 That's what saved you. 259 00:10:12,022 --> 00:10:14,026 That's what that was, right? A donkey erection? 260 00:10:14,028 --> 00:10:16,022 Nice. Nice taste there. 261 00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:18,023 Thanks for wearing it to church. Nicely done. 262 00:10:18,025 --> 00:10:20,021 - but they're tryin' to take Down your commandments. 263 00:10:20,023 --> 00:10:22,013 Ain't you wanna do nothin' About it? 264 00:10:22,015 --> 00:10:23,023 - dude, have you even Read this thing? 265 00:10:23,025 --> 00:10:26,003 It's a beer ad. 266 00:10:26,005 --> 00:10:27,025 - oh. So it is. 267 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:30,023 - look, let's make a deal, ok? 268 00:10:30,025 --> 00:10:34,020 You stop talking about me And I will... 269 00:10:34,022 --> 00:10:35,021 Ok, I'm gonna do this for you. 270 00:10:35,023 --> 00:10:38,019 [snaps] 271 00:10:38,021 --> 00:10:40,008 Mm? Take a taste. 272 00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:42,015 - [slurps] 273 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:44,003 Could it be? 274 00:10:44,005 --> 00:10:45,021 Party liquor rain? 275 00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:46,027 - that's single malt, My friend. 276 00:10:46,029 --> 00:10:49,000 Barrel aged. 277 00:10:49,002 --> 00:10:50,014 And that's quality, not like You know the difference. 278 00:10:50,016 --> 00:10:51,025 - let me get this straight, Now. 279 00:10:51,027 --> 00:10:52,025 Every time it rains-- 280 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,012 - no, early. Just this once. 281 00:10:54,014 --> 00:10:56,010 - [slurps] 282 00:10:56,012 --> 00:10:58,020 [scraping] - well, here we are, early. 283 00:10:58,022 --> 00:11:00,009 Home sweet home. 284 00:11:00,011 --> 00:11:01,029 - [retches] 285 00:11:02,001 --> 00:11:04,005 Well. I'm in here. 286 00:11:04,007 --> 00:11:05,015 - you took care of it, right? 287 00:11:05,017 --> 00:11:07,007 - it's all good. 288 00:11:07,009 --> 00:11:08,004 Check out this flat screen. 289 00:11:08,006 --> 00:11:09,016 - yeah, you're the man. 290 00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:12,011 [tinny music playing] 291 00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:16,014 Oh, come on, now. 292 00:11:16,016 --> 00:11:18,018 Nobody cares who these People are. 19916

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