Original subtitles

[radio static]

[tunes to song]

♪ girl, you're just like An angel ♪

♪ when I lift you up so high

♪ over my head

♪ and then we practice In the water ♪

♪ I can't quench my desire

♪ no matter how wet

We get... ♪

- my turn. - hell, no

Hey man, let me drive That thing, come on.

Do not touch the trim.

Do it.

Just go ahead and do it.

Yeah, come on. Let's do it.

Do--do what? - it!

What you come to do!

I--I-- - wait a minute.

What's that you sayin'?

What's what-- - you calling me a fool now?

Is that it?

I didn't say-- We're gonna have to damn

Shake the monkey one time On this sumbitch.

Let's go.

I don't think I said Anything--

Your eyes just did. Damn, boy.

You better convince them eyelids To get them eyes shut,

Or they about to get swelled.

God be with you. - hey, whoa, whoa!

Are you trying to cut me now?

I got a witness.

It is on like saigon!

He just killed my daddy. - son of a bitch.

Coming up here On my property,

Trying to big boy Early cuyler.

Oh! "Baptist revival Tomorrow night.

Free juice ."

Free ju--where the hell Did you get that?

Howdy, y'all.

Guess who I just Apprehended in town.

A dozen of my mama's Gingerbread men,

Shaped just like Yours truly.

Mm-mmm, they're good!

Whoop his ass.

Uh, uh...

Look at that, boy.

Uh...

Look at what?

Huh?

I don't know.

Look at this, right here!

Damn, they would have to fall Frosting down.

Oh, lord, I'm sorry, sheriff.

That was an accident.

Accident? Boy!

[whispering]

I mean accident time on you.

You fall on my fist,

To face hurt.

Accident to you, boy.

That's what I'm Talkin' about.

Hell, yeah! Come on, now.

Turn it on, son. Turn it on.

Turn it on, son. Turn it on.

No, no, it's already on.

Ok, you got to tell him it's on.

It is on, boy.

Foller with a simile. Come on.

It's on like-- Like--

What's it on like?

Preferably a rhyme.

It's on like michelle kwan.

Oh, son.

It's on like michelle kwan.

Just, just, just stop, son.

Rusty, it's on like red dawn

Or charles bron-son.

Or hell, I'd even have accepted The movie "Tron".

But michelle kwan? Please!

She made sacrifices To get where she is.

Dammit,how many Times have we

Watched "Roadhouse" This weekend?

How many times, rusty?

Huh?

How damn many?

4?

Damn, that's a lot.

We love the hell out Of that movie film.

But why, son?

Why?

But why, son?

Asses is kicked, Names is taken,

Love is made.

Then commercial.

Y'all know he's starting a film Festival up here, don't you?

Just like sundance, only this Is called "Dirtydance".

Why wouldn't he just Call it "Roadhouse"?

Well, you can Ask him yourself.

He's down at my office.

The patrick swayze?

From the moving picture from The television "Roadhouse"?

In the flesh?

The one and same.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm patrick swayze.

Damn, boy. You smaller in real life.

Russell jesse james!

Hey, it's all right.

My legs ran away to hollywood To star in "Next of kin ii."

Go ahead, patrick.

Tell'em what You're working on.

Yeah, patrick. What's your latest project?

You see this soffit

Over this vent pipe?

I'm changing it into a sunrise.

Ok,

But we are going To put the bars

Back in here, right?

Hey, old man, I thought I told you,

It's my way or the highway.

Daddy, this old boy don't Seem like swayze to me.

Oh, yeah?

Hey, you remember In "Roadhouse"?

When I bought that crappy car And bought some extra tires,

'cause I knew, I knew someone Was gonna cut my tires outside

The double deuce.

Sure enough, that happened.

And I changed the tires, And I drove away.

Remember that?

Yeah.

That-- was me.

Oh, my god almighty!

It is him!

Patrick swayze, It is an honor to meet you.

Patrick, I know you must Get this all the time,

But if it wouldn't be Too much trouble to you,

Would you please drop a double Deuce ass whuppin' on my boy?

Well, of course. I'd be delighted.

Hold his arms for me. - daddy, this ain't right!

Take your movie Whupping like a man.

♪ oh, my dear

♪ my lovely

♪ I hunger for those-- - patrick.

♪ fries-- - patrick?

♪ those crazy roadhouse-- - patrick, patrick

Not to cut you off, And I love your backdrop,

Don't get me wrong.

It's very evocative Of the period.

But it does lack a certain...

Bricks and mortar quality.

I'm from texas. [rusty] Ohh!

I ride horses.

Yeah, I know that, But these guys here, see,

They rape horses...

For a living.

So that's kind of the reason we Had to keep a close rein--

I'm the cooler.

You're the bouncer.

And you've mentioned that.

You have, a lot, But if you'd just--

- hey, old man,

It's my highway, Or it's that way.

My way. [snaps]

Let's take it outside.

♪ I'm from texas

Are you guys [indistinct]

Life.

It's so absurd.

We got an 875-51-50 in progress.

Request backup. Over.

Over?

[beeping] Oh, hot damn.

Come in, mama.

Our table at The steakhouse is ready.

Come back.

Hey, patrick's just gonna be With us a couple of days

Till he gets his bouncer's License back.

What's that?

Patrick swayze?

Oh, I'm sleeping with him.

Where is he?

That ain't patrick swayze.

He is if I had Enough cold beer.

Y'all shut your Damn toot hole.

I think he's making a movie About us right now.

Y'all have a shower?

I'm remaking "Point break", And I gotta practice being wet.

Daddy, I need to speak with you For a second, privately.

Son, there ain't no privacy When you're patrick swayze.

He's been in "Roadhouse" Numertous times.

Hell, he was on "Roadhouse" in my house

For 5 times on The television set today.

Well this here, Ain't patrick swayze.

Hey, what can be said to me Can be said to patrick.

I told you, It ain't patrick swayze.

Tssssssss...

I'm confused. What are you sayin'?

It ain't dalton, It ain't the famous cooler,

It ain't none of 'em.

Daddy, that ain't Patrick swayze at all.

Hey, let's tell patrick this.

He'll get a kick out of it.

It ain't patrick swayze!

We all know that, son.

I'm bode--philosophical Bank-robbing surfman.

Call him bode.

That helps him get Into character.

Ok, this is a love scene Right now.

So I'm going to need To have more sex

With your aging stunt hooker.

Certainly, bode.

Here's your nixon mask.

You're gonna need it With the old one.

Daddy, how long has He got to stay here?

Who knows?

I'm like the wind.

So maybe like 4 months? Is that cool?

Yeah, that's fine.

But no anal.

Granny, get your Saggy ass inside.

I'm gonna have to have Enough cold beer.

[music playing]

Look who I found in town!

Patrick, this fella's Running around

Telling everybody he's you.

And he's got your wallet And your moves.

And he's got your wife And your dna, actually.

And this screen Actor's guild card

That says "Patrick swayze" Right there.

And he's got this poster,

And he could do this pose,

Just like on the poster.

Go ahead, show 'em.

And he's got these head shots

That say "Patrick swayze, Movie actor."

Aaah!

Yep. The swagger's back.

I'm sorry you Had to see that,

But it is awesome That I was able

To kill him In front of you.

I think you just killed The real patrick swayze.

A patrick swayze lookalike?

Yeah, if you're blind!

Like the guy who played Guitar in my movie "Roadhouse."

Come on, patrick swayze, Come back.

Come back as "Ghost".

No. There can be only one.

Well, I've solved another Mystery, by god.

I've ordered some 'za.

My character in my Next film eats pizza.

Uh, for swayze, patrick?

Yeah, over here, chief.

That's me.

It's 14.72.

Oh! Ooh!

Uh, my character doesn't Really have a wallet,

Uh, doesn't believe in it.

A wallet killed his wife.

Hey, is that patrick swayze?

Excuse me?

Oh, hell, it's on.

Did you just use my name Without permission?

You just pressed the button That makes me go off.

What did I-- I pressed the what?

You! Destroy him.

Look at that, boy.

There you go.

It's 14.72. - what you doin'?

You spittin' Numerologies at me?

Like this is a damn Math class or something?

Now, say it to my face.

Um, 14.72.

He said them numbers again.

Is it on, or is it off?

It's on, it's on.

It's on like-- Come on, son.

It's on like-- Rhyme and simile.

You can do this.

It is on like simon lebon.

Aw, hell, we'll take it.

Go on, whoop his ass, son.

["Dirty dancing" Type music playing]

This is about the wildboy Bread promotion

Or the cheesy balls?

You get it free with The large and a coupon.

But this is a medium,

And you'd have To call the manager

If you have a problem Or whatever with it.

Aah! Ohh!

It's a free-for-all, baby! Whoo!

Hey, sheriff!

You want a piece of this?

Oh, I'm fine.

Come on, patrick.

Patrick! Where you goin'?

Free car, asshole!

♪ you're givin' me...

See you tonight on The "Roadhouse".

♪ ahh, ahh

♪ I take a sip, And I can't deny I got

♪ thirsty eyes

♪ I'm gonna use my eyes

♪ to look into your eyes, girl

♪ now you're makin' me cry

♪ I look away

♪ to hide those thirsty Eyes of mine

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

Captioned by the national Captioning institute

--www.Ncicap.Org--