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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,004 --> 00:00:04,013 [radio static] 2 00:00:04,015 --> 00:00:05,024 [country song plays] 3 00:00:05,026 --> 00:00:10,004 ♪ my dreams are all Dead and buried 4 00:00:11,004 --> 00:00:14,024 Sometimes I wish the sun Would just explode 5 00:00:16,010 --> 00:00:20,008 When god comes and calls Me to his kingdom 6 00:00:21,007 --> 00:00:25,008 I'll take all you sons Of bitches when I go 7 00:00:25,010 --> 00:00:28,020 Blah blah whoa whoa ♪ 8 00:00:28,022 --> 00:00:29,028 - my turn! - hell, no. 9 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,008 Hey, let met drive that Thing, come on. 10 00:00:31,010 --> 00:00:33,020 Do not touch the trim. 11 00:00:36,009 --> 00:00:38,026 Racial tension has Divided this country 12 00:00:38,028 --> 00:00:40,016 For far too long, 13 00:00:40,018 --> 00:00:42,024 And now it threatens to claim 14 00:00:42,026 --> 00:00:45,027 America's favorite Animated family. 15 00:00:46,023 --> 00:00:48,026 Santa claus is dead! 16 00:00:48,028 --> 00:00:50,005 Your mama's white. 17 00:00:50,007 --> 00:00:51,023 No, it's a damn lie! 18 00:00:51,025 --> 00:00:52,023 I can dunk. 19 00:00:52,025 --> 00:00:53,025 See? 20 00:00:53,027 --> 00:00:56,002 [grunt] Aah! 21 00:00:56,004 --> 00:00:59,000 Cargo slacks are a breeze At old air force, 22 00:00:59,002 --> 00:01:01,003 Starting at $14.99. 23 00:01:01,005 --> 00:01:03,010 Noooo! 24 00:01:03,012 --> 00:01:04,014 Rusty! 25 00:01:04,016 --> 00:01:06,005 Rusty! Be still, boy. 26 00:01:06,007 --> 00:01:08,016 There's only 5 laps to go, And ol' dick trickle's 27 00:01:08,018 --> 00:01:09,028 About to win this sumbitch! 28 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,009 Don't let him draft you, dick. 29 00:01:11,011 --> 00:01:12,007 Whoo! 30 00:01:12,009 --> 00:01:14,000 [static] What the? 31 00:01:14,002 --> 00:01:14,024 Gaa! 32 00:01:14,026 --> 00:01:16,002 Aw, hellfire, damn! 33 00:01:16,004 --> 00:01:18,010 Daddy, I need to know Once and for all-- 34 00:01:18,012 --> 00:01:20,021 Oh, damn it, not this again. 35 00:01:20,023 --> 00:01:23,006 I told you, boy, If your mama's white, 36 00:01:23,008 --> 00:01:26,003 Then that makes me a damn Chalkie lover. 37 00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:28,019 Now, do I look like a chalkie Lover to you? 38 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,013 Uh, I don't know, daddy. 39 00:01:30,015 --> 00:01:31,020 You do drink a lot. 40 00:01:31,022 --> 00:01:34,006 Yes, I do, and I fight. 41 00:01:34,008 --> 00:01:36,021 But some other crazy Sumbitch is the one 42 00:01:36,023 --> 00:01:39,014 What bangulated and pregnified That white woman. 43 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:40,018 It's not I! 44 00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:43,015 So you're saying My mama was white? 45 00:01:44,013 --> 00:01:45,019 Wait a minute. What did I say? 46 00:01:45,021 --> 00:01:47,015 You said my mama was white And you ain't the crazy sumbitch 47 00:01:47,017 --> 00:01:50,008 That bangulated And pregnified her. 48 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:54,007 Your mama was A vision in alabaster, 49 00:01:54,009 --> 00:01:56,020 A white lily of the field, 50 00:01:56,022 --> 00:01:58,011 Rich with scented pollen 51 00:01:58,013 --> 00:02:01,012 And the sweet odor of The morning mist-- 52 00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:03,001 Diet morning mist, actually, 53 00:02:03,003 --> 00:02:05,001 Although sometimes she Would drink the regular 54 00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:06,027 If they was out of the diet. 55 00:02:06,029 --> 00:02:09,006 She was enormous. 56 00:02:09,008 --> 00:02:11,004 Lord, did I love her, 57 00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:14,004 For 32 frenetic seconds. 58 00:02:14,006 --> 00:02:16,025 Unh! Unh! Unh! The loving was good. 59 00:02:16,027 --> 00:02:19,001 Yeah, I remember That lying whore. 60 00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:20,026 Hey, now, don't you talk About my mama like that. 61 00:02:20,028 --> 00:02:22,014 I mean she lies down a lot. 62 00:02:22,016 --> 00:02:23,020 I meant the "Whore" part. 63 00:02:23,022 --> 00:02:24,025 Oh. 64 00:02:24,027 --> 00:02:26,022 Well, I'll stand by that. 65 00:02:26,024 --> 00:02:27,018 Bitch. 66 00:02:27,020 --> 00:02:28,014 Russell! 67 00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:30,014 You need to respectify Your aunt lil. 68 00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:32,006 She ain't some Damn dirty-ass whore 69 00:02:32,008 --> 00:02:34,006 That you can trash down, Like your mama. 70 00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:35,017 Where my mama's at? 71 00:02:35,019 --> 00:02:36,028 I wanna meet her right now! 72 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,003 Well, get back there On the roof. 73 00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:41,019 You can see her fat ass From 3 states. 74 00:02:41,021 --> 00:02:42,029 Ha ha ha! 75 00:02:43,001 --> 00:02:43,027 That's fine. 76 00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:45,014 Yeah, you just go on Ahead and meet her. 77 00:02:45,016 --> 00:02:47,013 Just remember, I never touched her. 78 00:02:48,016 --> 00:02:51,023 Well, then there's one of me. 79 00:02:51,025 --> 00:02:54,013 Here's one of them what You call them glamour shot 80 00:02:54,015 --> 00:02:55,017 And what have you. 81 00:02:56,027 --> 00:02:58,023 What do you know? There's me. 82 00:02:58,025 --> 00:03:00,013 Nope, that's a bus. 83 00:03:00,015 --> 00:03:02,025 Am I in any of these Pictures, mama? 84 00:03:02,027 --> 00:03:05,012 Well, uh-- Well, look at this one. 85 00:03:05,014 --> 00:03:07,027 I'm about 8 months pregnant With you in this one. 86 00:03:07,029 --> 00:03:08,026 Ooh. 87 00:03:08,028 --> 00:03:11,025 Yeah, I sent that in to "Spunk" magazine. 88 00:03:11,027 --> 00:03:13,020 Fools rejected it. 89 00:03:13,022 --> 00:03:14,027 You'd print this, wouldn't you? 90 00:03:14,029 --> 00:03:18,003 My daddy said you was like a Huge dollop of sour cream-- 91 00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:20,023 Rich and zesty, With a little bit of bite. 92 00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:22,001 How is your daddy? 93 00:03:22,003 --> 00:03:23,023 Oh, he's good. He's good. 94 00:03:23,025 --> 00:03:25,014 Just got out of prison Not too long ago-- 95 00:03:25,016 --> 00:03:26,024 No, I'm sorry. Who? 96 00:03:26,026 --> 00:03:28,008 I mean, who's your daddy? 97 00:03:28,010 --> 00:03:29,007 Anybody I know? 98 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,019 Uh, early cuyler? 99 00:03:31,021 --> 00:03:33,017 Tall guy? - no. 100 00:03:33,019 --> 00:03:34,015 Big belly? - no. 101 00:03:34,017 --> 00:03:35,016 Red hair? - not the one. 102 00:03:35,018 --> 00:03:36,017 Kind of look like Charlie sheen? 103 00:03:36,019 --> 00:03:37,014 Not him, neither. 104 00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:39,007 Or is charlie sheen? 105 00:03:39,009 --> 00:03:40,021 Mmm, no, not charlie sheen. 106 00:03:40,023 --> 00:03:43,001 Is he a football team? - no. 107 00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:45,028 Is he the groundskeeping crew For the football team? 108 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:46,024 No. 109 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,013 Are you sure it's not Charlie sheen? 110 00:03:48,015 --> 00:03:49,008 No, mama. 111 00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:50,020 Early cuyler is the name. 112 00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:51,028 About yea high. 113 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,003 I've been told we look alike, 114 00:03:53,005 --> 00:03:54,025 Especially in the eye region. 115 00:03:54,027 --> 00:03:57,002 Same shape of the eyes, You know, right here? 116 00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,005 Well, your daddy, 117 00:03:59,007 --> 00:04:01,007 Whoever he was, 118 00:04:01,009 --> 00:04:03,001 Surely we loved each other 119 00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:05,027 For a period of time. 120 00:04:05,029 --> 00:04:11,002 Of that I am c--pretty sure. 121 00:04:11,004 --> 00:04:13,027 Mama, why did you give me up? 122 00:04:13,029 --> 00:04:17,005 Baby doll, it would kill me 123 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,007 To have you to grow up with 124 00:04:18,009 --> 00:04:21,011 A mama that didn't love you 125 00:04:21,013 --> 00:04:22,020 Or care for you 126 00:04:22,022 --> 00:04:26,022 Or couldn't benefit From you in any way. 127 00:04:26,024 --> 00:04:29,005 Now do you understand? 128 00:04:29,007 --> 00:04:30,017 I reckon. 129 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:34,012 All that matters is that we're Together now, right, mama? 130 00:04:34,014 --> 00:04:36,012 Bring mama a tv. 131 00:04:38,024 --> 00:04:41,023 Son, where do you think You're taking that demon box? 132 00:04:41,025 --> 00:04:43,021 I gots to provide For my mama now. 133 00:04:43,023 --> 00:04:44,029 Ok. All right. 134 00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:46,021 You can tell that Old fat-ass bitch 135 00:04:46,023 --> 00:04:49,016 I don't remember nothing About her, neither! 136 00:04:49,018 --> 00:04:51,007 Did she ask about me? 137 00:04:56,023 --> 00:04:59,005 I asked if she asked about me! 138 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:03,010 Yep, it's a good life Out in nature. 139 00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:07,023 I ain't never having to go back And forth and in and out. 140 00:05:07,025 --> 00:05:13,006 No emts cutting the doors Away out here. 141 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:15,011 Do white people do anything Else besides sponge-mop 142 00:05:15,013 --> 00:05:17,016 The cracks in their Mamas' back fat? 143 00:05:17,018 --> 00:05:20,006 That's a good question, Little thing. 144 00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:22,022 Let's check the tv. 145 00:05:22,024 --> 00:05:23,026 For real, yeah. 146 00:05:23,028 --> 00:05:26,004 I mean, when black Folks use a napkin, 147 00:05:26,006 --> 00:05:27,004 They all like, "Damn! 148 00:05:27,006 --> 00:05:28,019 That was some good ribs!" 149 00:05:28,021 --> 00:05:30,000 Rub it all over they faces. 150 00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:30,028 And white folks, 151 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,015 They all dabbing The corner of they mouth 152 00:05:32,017 --> 00:05:35,012 And [beep] Like they taking some Sort of fingerprint. 153 00:05:35,014 --> 00:05:37,018 "Mmm! What a pleasurable meal!" 154 00:05:37,020 --> 00:05:39,028 Tiger, please. [applause] 155 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,012 Mmm! What a pleasurable meal. 156 00:05:42,014 --> 00:05:44,002 I am a white guy. 157 00:05:44,004 --> 00:05:44,026 Like that, mama? 158 00:05:44,028 --> 00:05:46,020 Yeah, son. 159 00:05:46,022 --> 00:05:48,021 Why don't you roll me over, Pumpkin? 160 00:05:48,023 --> 00:05:50,025 I feel a sore coming on. 161 00:05:50,027 --> 00:05:54,018 [crash] 162 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,027 I told them I couldn't Fly a helicopter. 163 00:05:56,029 --> 00:05:59,007 I told you I ain't moving, Sheriff. 164 00:05:59,009 --> 00:06:00,020 [slurrping] 165 00:06:00,022 --> 00:06:03,021 You've got to take me In dead or alive. 166 00:06:03,023 --> 00:06:07,006 The statute of limitations Passed on that loitering charge. 167 00:06:08,016 --> 00:06:10,006 Congratulations, crystal. 168 00:06:10,008 --> 00:06:12,023 You've been recognized As a landmark. 169 00:06:12,025 --> 00:06:14,027 Oh, what a pleasurable Sheriff. 170 00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:17,012 Hey, rusty, what you Doing down here-- 171 00:06:17,014 --> 00:06:18,016 Getting a little piece? 172 00:06:18,018 --> 00:06:21,002 Ha ha ha! [gunshots] 173 00:06:21,004 --> 00:06:22,018 I should be outlawed. 174 00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:23,029 You ain't gonna talk about My mama like that, 175 00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:25,011 You son of a bitch! 176 00:06:25,013 --> 00:06:27,017 Mother? Hmm. 177 00:06:27,019 --> 00:06:29,005 How old are you, rusty? 178 00:06:29,007 --> 00:06:30,015 You about 15? 179 00:06:30,017 --> 00:06:33,024 Give or take, As the crow flies. 180 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:34,027 [narrator:] 15 years ago, 181 00:06:34,029 --> 00:06:37,005 The world was a Much different place. 182 00:06:37,007 --> 00:06:39,013 The berlin wall Had just crumbled. 183 00:06:39,015 --> 00:06:42,001 I thought I could Handle cocaine. 184 00:06:42,003 --> 00:06:43,025 I really did. 185 00:06:43,027 --> 00:06:45,018 I lost everything. 186 00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:47,007 And a young deputy sheriff Was learning 187 00:06:47,009 --> 00:06:49,024 That you can't defy The laws of love-- 188 00:06:49,026 --> 00:06:51,002 Or nature. 189 00:06:51,004 --> 00:06:55,002 I got a report here that says You won't leave the premises. 190 00:06:55,004 --> 00:06:57,007 Are you staging one Of them protests? 191 00:06:57,009 --> 00:07:01,014 I's staging a wet T-shirt contest. 192 00:07:01,016 --> 00:07:03,003 You hang around a while, 193 00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,023 And you might just get to judge. 194 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,016 And there it was-- 195 00:07:07,018 --> 00:07:10,018 The very first nipple the Sheriff had ever seen. 196 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:12,024 Shove this in your eyeballs. 197 00:07:12,026 --> 00:07:14,002 Interestingly enough, 198 00:07:14,004 --> 00:07:16,027 It was also the first lawn Sprinkler he had ever seen. 199 00:07:16,029 --> 00:07:18,004 Whee! Ha! 200 00:07:18,006 --> 00:07:20,020 So between the nipple And the lawn sprinkler, 201 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:24,001 The glistening young deputy Sheriff became a man. 202 00:07:24,003 --> 00:07:26,024 I'm free! I'm free! 203 00:07:28,007 --> 00:07:31,000 Rusty, I am your daddy. 204 00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:32,020 Oh, you think? 205 00:07:32,022 --> 00:07:33,015 Oh, yeah. Yeah, 206 00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:35,009 Just look at the shape Of our eyes. 207 00:07:35,011 --> 00:07:38,000 Exactly the same. - oh. 208 00:07:38,002 --> 00:07:41,028 Crystal, I suppose we Ought to get married. 209 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,020 [burp] What for? 210 00:07:43,022 --> 00:07:44,017 Come on. 211 00:07:44,019 --> 00:07:47,004 You and I both know what Happened, hmm? 212 00:07:47,006 --> 00:07:50,022 About 15 years ago On this very spot. 213 00:07:50,024 --> 00:07:52,022 You made me play pattycake. 214 00:07:52,024 --> 00:07:55,011 Unprotected pattycake. 215 00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:56,025 This has happened, son. 216 00:07:56,027 --> 00:07:59,014 - well, now, la di da. - oh, hell. 217 00:07:59,016 --> 00:08:01,009 Howdy doody to you, crystal. 218 00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:02,005 Early. 219 00:08:02,007 --> 00:08:03,014 It's been many years, 220 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,012 But you--you ain't moved a bit. 221 00:08:05,014 --> 00:08:06,023 Be respectful now. 222 00:08:06,025 --> 00:08:08,025 This woman here is The mother of my child. 223 00:08:08,027 --> 00:08:10,024 Your child? Hell, no. 224 00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:12,024 This here is my boy. 225 00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:15,007 And yeah, that's his mama. 226 00:08:15,009 --> 00:08:17,009 But you--you probably the one 227 00:08:17,011 --> 00:08:19,001 That the sapuals with her. 228 00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:22,021 I refuse to touch the soft, Creamy, plump-- 229 00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:23,024 Ow! Damn. 230 00:08:23,026 --> 00:08:26,022 Get your filthy squid hands Off of my hinterland. 231 00:08:26,024 --> 00:08:28,006 I love you. 232 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,014 I'll kill you, bitch! 233 00:08:29,016 --> 00:08:30,016 Aah! 234 00:08:30,018 --> 00:08:32,004 - early? - no, daddy, no! 235 00:08:32,006 --> 00:08:33,001 I told you, rusty. 236 00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:34,026 I'm your baby daddy. 237 00:08:34,028 --> 00:08:35,020 Daddy. 238 00:08:35,022 --> 00:08:37,020 Sheriff. 239 00:08:37,022 --> 00:08:38,029 There's only one way 240 00:08:39,001 --> 00:08:41,022 To capture the elusive bunfish. 241 00:08:43,004 --> 00:08:44,025 Ain't that what you Was talking about? 242 00:08:44,027 --> 00:08:47,028 No. We were discussing This boy's paternity. 243 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,022 Oh. I couldn't hear Something down there. 244 00:08:51,024 --> 00:08:54,007 Whose bicycle is this? 245 00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:56,026 Rusty? Piss on that There rabbit. 246 00:08:56,028 --> 00:08:58,014 If he dies, I'm your daddy. 247 00:08:58,016 --> 00:09:01,005 Early, there's more Scientific ways of doing this. 248 00:09:04,004 --> 00:09:05,020 Do it anyway. 249 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:07,001 So, what we're gonna do here 250 00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:08,014 Is apply a presecreted bladder 251 00:09:08,016 --> 00:09:09,027 Fluid to the exoderm Of this furry mammal, 252 00:09:09,029 --> 00:09:12,002 And then we'll look for Signs of mortification 253 00:09:12,004 --> 00:09:13,026 Or terminalicity of The affected region. 254 00:09:13,028 --> 00:09:17,006 So I'm gonna need a urine sample From you and you. 255 00:09:17,008 --> 00:09:18,028 Well, I pee sitting down. 256 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,022 Any approach you Choose is fine. 257 00:09:21,024 --> 00:09:22,022 Excuse me, sir? 258 00:09:22,024 --> 00:09:25,001 Sir, not in my plastic ficus, Please. It's-- 259 00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:26,010 Relax, brainiac. 260 00:09:26,012 --> 00:09:28,014 I filled your jar up. 261 00:09:28,016 --> 00:09:29,029 [sniff] My goodness. 262 00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:33,005 This looks to be about 80 proof Straight bourbon whiskey. 263 00:09:34,023 --> 00:09:35,023 Give it back. 264 00:09:35,025 --> 00:09:38,025 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 265 00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:40,027 Congratulations. 266 00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:42,016 Somebody's pregnant. 267 00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:44,006 Uh, actually, doctor, 268 00:09:44,008 --> 00:09:46,021 We're here to find Out who the daddy is. 269 00:09:46,023 --> 00:09:48,021 Of who--this rabbit? 270 00:09:48,023 --> 00:09:49,019 This is dead. 271 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,019 No, not the rabbit. 272 00:09:50,021 --> 00:09:51,027 The boy there. 273 00:09:51,029 --> 00:09:53,017 Ha ha ha! 274 00:09:53,019 --> 00:09:56,022 I'm afraid science can't tell us Everything, little man. 275 00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:58,023 Hmm. Now, that's interesting. 276 00:09:58,025 --> 00:10:00,015 What? 277 00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,021 This rabbit's been Hit by a hammer. 278 00:10:02,023 --> 00:10:05,010 Well, let me get My vaporologist in here. 279 00:10:05,012 --> 00:10:07,007 Dr. Bug, get in here. 280 00:10:17,023 --> 00:10:19,020 This rabbit's been Hit by a hammer. 281 00:10:19,022 --> 00:10:23,002 Yep. Sure has. 282 00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:26,000 Is that why you Dragged me in here? 283 00:10:26,002 --> 00:10:28,017 Dr. Bug, have a look at these Various smokes and vapors. 284 00:10:28,019 --> 00:10:30,002 Do you see what I'm seeing? 285 00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:32,017 I reckon so, yeah, And all them. 286 00:10:32,019 --> 00:10:34,025 Your young un over There is an only child. 287 00:10:34,027 --> 00:10:36,021 No, if it's purple, doesn't That mean he has a twin brother? 288 00:10:36,023 --> 00:10:39,000 Shut the [beep] Up, man. 289 00:10:39,002 --> 00:10:40,013 Only child. 290 00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:42,010 You're an only child. 291 00:10:42,012 --> 00:10:44,015 Hey, squids. 292 00:10:44,017 --> 00:10:46,011 Hey, you're a squid, right? 293 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,025 Shut the [beep] Up, jerry. 294 00:10:47,027 --> 00:10:49,013 Only child. 295 00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,020 Only child. 296 00:10:50,022 --> 00:10:52,028 No twin. 297 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,024 Only child. 298 00:10:54,026 --> 00:10:58,018 [gunshots] Ha ha ha! 299 00:10:58,020 --> 00:11:01,024 Aw man, I should be outlawed. Ha-ha! 300 00:11:06,002 --> 00:11:07,014 Captioning made possible 301 00:11:07,016 --> 00:11:09,004 By turner entertainment group 302 00:11:09,006 --> 00:11:11,004 Captioning by the national Captioning institute 303 00:11:11,006 --> 00:11:12,009 --www.Ncicap.Org-- 304 00:11:27,023 --> 00:11:28,012 Skull. 20551

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