Original subtitles

[radio static]

♪ my dreams

♪ are all dead and buried

♪ sometimes I wish the sun

♪ would just explode

♪ when god comes and calls me

♪ to his kingdom

♪ I'll take all you

♪ sons of bitches when I go

[yodeling]

- my turn. - hell no.

Hey man, let me drive that Thing, come on!

Do not touch the trim!

♪ ahh

♪ talking to your lover

♪ pour me a glass of rum

♪ open the door

♪ I need a lover

(narrator): There's nothing more

Stupid on earth than The love between

An uneducated squid and his

Illegitimate son.

Ah!

Hoo ha ha ha!

Do it again, boy!

Hey, I'll do it right again Right now.

Right. Look here.

Make sure you checkify

And lookify your blind spot.

Yes, sir!

Woo! Ha-ha!

Hell, yeah! Did you like that?

Did I do it, daddy?

I'm so damn proud of you, son.

Hell, do it again.

Let's go.

Y'all, come in here.

I fried up a mess of mud.

Lil, look here.

Guess who just learned hisself

Some parallel parking?

- rusty? - what the...

Me, you dumb bitch?

Hey, mud's getting cold.

I don't want no more fried mud.

I want a grape popsicle.

Rusty?

I don't want no mud Just give me what I want.

Settle down, rusty.

I done told you once, I'll tell You again... - rusty!

I don't want no more mud. Give us something different.

Rusty!

Grape damn popsicle.

Lil, looks like we got us a damn

Connoisseur over here.

So you want a grape popsicle,

Is that it?

Yes, sir.

How about I shove a pine stick

Up your ass and make You a boysicle?

How'd you like that mess?

Huh?

No, sir.

Well, rusty, you want

Yourself some real gourmet food,

Then why don't you try working

Yourself a real damn job.

Ain't you got a real job, Daddy?

Uh...What time is it?

About 2:30.

What the--damn!

I'm two days and 6 hours Late for work.

♪ work, work, work, work

♪ work, work, work, work

♪ ready, going to work

♪ my god, I'm going to work

♪ you're late, you're late

♪ you're late, you're late

♪ you're late, you're late

♪ you're late

Even an ex-con Needs a second chance.

Fortunately for early,

His boss believed In forgiveness.

And this here is The immaculate conceptor.

It's got special heavenly coils

That'll make you sleep 3 days.

Then you will arise Rested and refreshed,

And if you ain't Completely satisfied,

You will experience The second coming

Of your cash for store credit.

Great.

We're just looking, thanks.

Well, look at this here.

Yeah, look at this.

Egyptian cotton.

I know the slaves made it,

But hell, they got away.

That's ok.

You know, we're not big,

You know, sleepers.

You could be, believe it.

Baptimize yourself in total

Comfort as you part The bad seed...

Ok, well, uh, we need to go.

Now, come on back here, jerry. Lookee here.

Steve, actually.

What's this look like?

Uh, water?

Yes, yes.

But it could be wine.

You know, the kind she makes

When the mood is Getting just right?

- yeah. - what I'm saying, jerry, huh?

Yeah, I know

When she gets to saying,

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, daddy!

Big daddy jerry, yeah!"

Well, we got to go.

Gimme this here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, mister.

Now, we gonna give It a test spank.

You hold on just a minute.

You gotta watch, otherwise, I ain't gonna get off!

Aah!

Before we do this, uh, I am

Gonna need a major credit card.

Ho, brother early,

A word, please.

Brace yourselves--

"It ain't working out."

So I says, "Read the bible?

I'll feed you the damn bible."

Hot damn, daddy,

You did that?

You did not.

Then what happened?

Oh, yeah.

That's when I brought him down

With the riot baton.

Oh, I run for a spell,

But you caught me, Didn't you, old man?

Sure did, early.

Your legs ain't what They used to be.

I can still kick.

All right, all right.

Get the keys, rusty!

Get the damn keys!

Hello, woo!

Of course you are.

But, early, you know you're

Violating parole if you're not

Gainfully employed.

Take his ass back to jail, Sheriff.

He's too damn dumb to be free.

Mind your mouth, woman.

I ain't afraid of you.

- you want to die, woman? - come on!

(sheriff): hey, hey, hey! - just let me at her.

Come on, froggy, jump

Knock it off, you two.

Law is a-- hey!

Heh heh!

All right, all right I've seen enough.

Come on, let's go Back into town.

Daddy, you ain't going back To prison, are you?

(narrator): at that moment,

Early realized it was too late

To get an abortion.

Well, hell,

I reckon not, rusty.

Fetch me my formal attire.

The time has come to matriculate

Myself unto a real job.

"Where do I see myself In 5 beers? "

Years. Years.

I don't know. Jail?

Well...

Don't say jail.

Prison.

Well, hell, How hard could it be?

It ain't brain surgery.

It is brain surgery.

I got a knife. Where's the brain at?

Early!

[rumbling]

Now, how hard could this be?

Hell, it ain't rock--

Let's just go.

Early.

Hey, hey, hey, early. Stop it.

That there's my first Impression, right there!

Early, meeting.

Meeting.

Oh, well, uh, damn, I'm sorry.

Good morning.

My name's early,

And I'm a real buck nut.

As you can tell By your face there,

I'm very highly motivated.

I got balanced energy--

Uh, yeah, maybe we should go.

When can I expect To hear something?

Hello?

So I debarked from my previous

Emploratorium to encrotch upon

More moneyfied situlations,

Like this here opportronity.

I seen your sign--

Brother early, I fired you.

Just yesterday.

Wonderful.

So you have an opening, then.

I have a restraining order.

May god have mercy on your soul.

Who's the sumbitch Told you that?

Where do you keep Getting these things?

Mind your business.

This here's a tense Negotionation.

I do apprecianate The generous offer,

But knifery is The tool of a idiot.

I listen to my gut, and my gut

Tells me that this ain't a fit,

But my heart says this could

Work and gut's a damn moron,

So they get to carrying on...

Then my brain chimes in

And sayin' I got to try my hand

At the fast sex-paced world of

Adult literature.

Her, early, this here is

A 4-figure opportunity.

You sure you don't want

To sleep on it?

You want to sleep forever?

I said adult literature.

[dog barks]

[click]

Read this erotic sumbitch here.

Ooh, read it slow.

I believe that's an ampersand.

Does that get you hot?

Ah, you know, I prefer Mysteries.

Damn computers!

"Just stay perfectly still."

What the hell kind Of job is that?

Ah!

Let's talk benefits.

[growling]

Look at my damn mouth.

Hell, I ain't paying for dental.

So, under experience you've

Listed here on your Hat-shaped resume

That you can skin a buck,

Run a trout line, and that all

Your rowdy friends...

...Are coming over tonight, Yes, sir.

Early, you're the most

Impressive squid I've

Interviewed for this position.

Let's talk briefly about

Your work ethic.

Well, I don't think ethnics

Do no work.

I mean, that's they problem, Really.

If you ain't like me,

Go hang from a damn tree.

Overt racial prejudice.

Impressive, early.

I thank you kindly.

Certainly.

And your reference checks out.

Hello, over there.

[growling]

I think what most impresses me, Early,

Is the effort in detail

Which you've clearly shown

In urinating on my laptop.

I don't care to consort with

Those of the robot race.

And why would you?

I think that covers it.

Early, welcome to dan halen

Sheet rock international.

[muffled] Oh, congratulations.

What I gotta do?

Well, you're my boss,

And as c.E.O., you'll have Certain responsibilities,

Like showing up

And leaving

And accepting liability For certain

Class-action lawsuits that may

Or may not, and in fact

Currently are being levied

Against new products such as...

The pocket surgeon.

Just scrape the rust from the

Collapsible tumor scoop and...

Look, you won't have to know

Any of this stuff.

The point is, people are dumb.

Is my mind going on me,

Or am I watching you Jibber jabber

Like some sort of jibberty box?

Jibber jabber on, Jibber jabber on.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm just a brash intern.

It won't happen again...Sir.

Well, damn, now I feel bad.

Tell you what, take the day off.

Working with me, fire and ice.

I gotta warn you, fire and ice.

♪ he's a new ceo...

What dan halen didn't tell

Early was that he was hired

To fill a minority Management quota.

♪ oh, hell, hell, no

The previous token Squid left to

Pursue other opportunities.

Hello, excuse me.

Can you help me, please?

Look, sorry.

Wait a minute-- Something smells like...

Aah!

Zesty ranch baby tacos!

Now in man flavor.

Product may or may not Contain ground up

Remains of man in squid suit.

10% by volume. Results may vary.

Mmm...

It's so delicious, I was glad

To die for it.

This is a paid actor who may or May not reflect the feelings

Of the dead mexican In the squid suit,

Which you may or may Not be eating.

Enjoy zesty branch man flavor Baby tacos responsibly.

Early was bursting with pride

To announce his new management

Position with dan halen Sheet rock.

Daddy's home, and he done

Been jobulated and occupatized.

[inhales deeply]

[exhales]

Mud's on the stove.

Huh-uh. Lil, put it back in the yard.

We goin' out tonight.

Except for you and you.

Hoo!

Life is unexpected.

No.

Drop 'em.

[captioning made possible by

Turner entertainment group]

[captioned by the national

Captioning institute

--www.Ncicap.Org--]