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[radio static]
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♪ my dreams
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♪ are all dead and buried
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♪ sometimes I wish the sun
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♪ would just explode
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♪ when god comes and calls me
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♪ to his kingdom
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♪ I'll take all you
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♪ sons of bitches when I go
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[yodeling]
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- my turn.
- hell no.
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Hey man, let me drive that
Thing, come on!
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Do not touch the trim!
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♪ ahh
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♪ talking to your lover
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♪ pour me a glass of rum
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♪ open the door
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♪ I need a lover
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(narrator):
There's nothing more
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Stupid on earth than
The love between
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An uneducated squid and his
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Illegitimate son.
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Ah!
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Hoo ha ha ha!
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Do it again, boy!
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Hey, I'll do it right again
Right now.
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Right. Look here.
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Make sure you checkify
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And lookify your blind spot.
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Yes, sir!
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Woo! Ha-ha!
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Hell, yeah!
Did you like that?
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Did I do it, daddy?
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I'm so damn proud of you, son.
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Hell, do it again.
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Let's go.
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Y'all, come in here.
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I fried up a mess of mud.
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Lil, look here.
40
00:01:28,010 --> 00:01:29,023
Guess who just learned hisself
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Some parallel parking?
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- rusty?
- what the...
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Me, you dumb bitch?
44
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Hey, mud's getting cold.
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I don't want no more fried mud.
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I want a grape popsicle.
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Rusty?
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I don't want no mud
Just give me what I want.
49
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Settle down, rusty.
50
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I done told you once, I'll tell
You again... - rusty!
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I don't want no more mud.
Give us something different.
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Rusty!
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Grape damn popsicle.
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Lil, looks like we got us a damn
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Connoisseur over here.
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So you want a grape popsicle,
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Is that it?
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Yes, sir.
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How about I shove a pine stick
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Up your ass and make
You a boysicle?
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How'd you like that mess?
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Huh?
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00:02:05,006 --> 00:02:05,026
No, sir.
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00:02:05,028 --> 00:02:06,027
Well, rusty, you want
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00:02:06,029 --> 00:02:08,023
Yourself some real gourmet food,
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Then why don't you try working
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Yourself a real damn job.
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Ain't you got a real job,
Daddy?
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00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,018
Uh...What time is it?
70
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:19,001
About 2:30.
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What the--damn!
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I'm two days and 6 hours
Late for work.
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♪ work, work, work, work
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♪ work, work, work, work
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♪ ready, going to work
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♪ my god, I'm going to work
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♪ you're late, you're late
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♪ you're late, you're late
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♪ you're late, you're late
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♪ you're late
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Even an ex-con
Needs a second chance.
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00:02:44,017 --> 00:02:46,000
Fortunately for early,
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His boss believed
In forgiveness.
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00:02:48,009 --> 00:02:51,016
And this here is
The immaculate conceptor.
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It's got special heavenly coils
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That'll make you sleep 3 days.
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Then you will arise
Rested and refreshed,
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And if you ain't
Completely satisfied,
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You will experience
The second coming
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Of your cash for store credit.
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Great.
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We're just looking, thanks.
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Well, look at this here.
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00:03:07,008 --> 00:03:08,021
Yeah, look at this.
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Egyptian cotton.
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I know the slaves made it,
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But hell, they got away.
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That's ok.
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You know, we're not big,
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You know, sleepers.
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You could be, believe it.
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Baptimize yourself in total
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Comfort as you part
The bad seed...
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Ok, well, uh, we need to go.
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Now, come on back here, jerry.
Lookee here.
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Steve, actually.
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What's this look like?
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Uh, water?
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Yes, yes.
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But it could be wine.
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You know, the kind she makes
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When the mood is
Getting just right?
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- yeah.
- what I'm saying, jerry, huh?
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Yeah, I know
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When she gets to saying,
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"Ooh, ooh, ooh, daddy!
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Big daddy jerry, yeah!"
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Well, we got to go.
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Gimme this here.
120
00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:44,006
Whoa, whoa, whoa, mister.
121
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Now, we gonna give
It a test spank.
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You hold on just a minute.
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You gotta watch, otherwise,
I ain't gonna get off!
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Aah!
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Before we do this, uh, I am
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Gonna need a major credit card.
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Ho, brother early,
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A word, please.
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Brace yourselves--
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"It ain't working out."
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So I says, "Read the bible?
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I'll feed you the damn bible."
133
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Hot damn, daddy,
134
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You did that?
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You did not.
136
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:10,002
Then what happened?
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Oh, yeah.
138
00:04:11,009 --> 00:04:12,012
That's when I brought him down
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00:04:12,014 --> 00:04:13,022
With the riot baton.
140
00:04:13,024 --> 00:04:15,002
Oh, I run for a spell,
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But you caught me,
Didn't you, old man?
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Sure did, early.
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Your legs ain't what
They used to be.
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I can still kick.
145
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All right, all right.
146
00:04:22,024 --> 00:04:23,023
Get the keys, rusty!
147
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Get the damn keys!
148
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Hello, woo!
149
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Of course you are.
150
00:04:27,018 --> 00:04:28,029
But, early, you know you're
151
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Violating parole if you're not
152
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Gainfully employed.
153
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Take his ass back to jail,
Sheriff.
154
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He's too damn dumb to be free.
155
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Mind your mouth, woman.
156
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I ain't afraid of you.
157
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- you want to die, woman?
- come on!
158
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(sheriff): hey, hey, hey!
- just let me at her.
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00:04:41,002 --> 00:04:42,011
Come on, froggy, jump
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Knock it off, you two.
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Law is a-- hey!
162
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Heh heh!
163
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All right, all right
I've seen enough.
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00:04:49,008 --> 00:04:51,003
Come on, let's go
Back into town.
165
00:04:51,005 --> 00:04:53,018
Daddy, you ain't going back
To prison, are you?
166
00:04:53,020 --> 00:04:54,010
(narrator): at that moment,
167
00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:56,018
Early realized it was too late
168
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To get an abortion.
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Well, hell,
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00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:02,015
I reckon not, rusty.
171
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Fetch me my formal attire.
172
00:05:04,022 --> 00:05:06,010
The time has come to matriculate
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Myself unto a real job.
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00:05:10,013 --> 00:05:13,005
"Where do I see myself
In 5 beers? "
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00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:14,022
Years. Years.
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I don't know.
Jail?
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Well...
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Don't say jail.
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Prison.
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Well, hell,
How hard could it be?
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It ain't brain surgery.
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It is brain surgery.
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I got a knife.
Where's the brain at?
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Early!
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[rumbling]
186
00:05:30,026 --> 00:05:31,028
Now, how hard could this be?
187
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Hell, it ain't rock--
188
00:05:32,024 --> 00:05:34,005
Let's just go.
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Early.
190
00:05:35,007 --> 00:05:37,018
Hey, hey, hey, early. Stop it.
191
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That there's my first
Impression, right there!
192
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Early, meeting.
193
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Meeting.
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00:05:45,013 --> 00:05:48,004
Oh, well, uh, damn, I'm sorry.
195
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Good morning.
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My name's early,
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00:05:50,019 --> 00:05:52,009
And I'm a real buck nut.
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00:05:52,011 --> 00:05:53,022
As you can tell
By your face there,
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00:05:53,024 --> 00:05:55,019
I'm very highly motivated.
200
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,024
I got balanced energy--
201
00:05:56,026 --> 00:05:58,002
Uh, yeah, maybe we should go.
202
00:05:58,004 --> 00:06:01,009
When can I expect
To hear something?
203
00:06:01,011 --> 00:06:02,014
Hello?
204
00:06:02,016 --> 00:06:04,014
So I debarked from my previous
205
00:06:04,016 --> 00:06:07,012
Emploratorium to encrotch upon
206
00:06:07,014 --> 00:06:09,023
More moneyfied situlations,
207
00:06:09,025 --> 00:06:11,022
Like this here opportronity.
208
00:06:11,024 --> 00:06:12,023
I seen your sign--
209
00:06:12,025 --> 00:06:16,005
Brother early, I fired you.
210
00:06:17,006 --> 00:06:19,011
Just yesterday.
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00:06:19,013 --> 00:06:20,018
Wonderful.
212
00:06:20,020 --> 00:06:22,004
So you have an opening, then.
213
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:24,014
I have a restraining order.
214
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:27,027
May god have mercy on your soul.
215
00:06:27,029 --> 00:06:30,006
Who's the sumbitch
Told you that?
216
00:06:30,008 --> 00:06:32,008
Where do you keep
Getting these things?
217
00:06:32,010 --> 00:06:33,006
Mind your business.
218
00:06:33,008 --> 00:06:35,021
This here's a tense
Negotionation.
219
00:06:35,023 --> 00:06:37,014
I do apprecianate
The generous offer,
220
00:06:37,016 --> 00:06:40,027
But knifery is
The tool of a idiot.
221
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,014
I listen to my gut, and my gut
222
00:06:42,016 --> 00:06:44,007
Tells me that this ain't a fit,
223
00:06:44,009 --> 00:06:45,023
But my heart says this could
224
00:06:45,025 --> 00:06:47,028
Work and gut's a damn moron,
225
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,025
So they get to carrying on...
226
00:06:49,027 --> 00:06:51,013
Then my brain chimes in
227
00:06:51,015 --> 00:06:53,006
And sayin' I got to try my hand
228
00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:54,014
At the fast sex-paced world of
229
00:06:54,016 --> 00:06:55,029
Adult literature.
230
00:06:56,001 --> 00:06:56,026
Her, early, this here is
231
00:06:56,028 --> 00:06:58,012
A 4-figure opportunity.
232
00:06:58,014 --> 00:06:59,006
You sure you don't want
233
00:06:59,008 --> 00:07:00,003
To sleep on it?
234
00:07:00,005 --> 00:07:01,012
You want to sleep forever?
235
00:07:01,014 --> 00:07:03,000
I said adult literature.
236
00:07:07,017 --> 00:07:09,011
[dog barks]
237
00:07:13,002 --> 00:07:14,011
[click]
238
00:07:15,025 --> 00:07:17,026
Read this erotic sumbitch here.
239
00:07:17,028 --> 00:07:19,014
Ooh, read it slow.
240
00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:24,011
I believe that's an ampersand.
241
00:07:27,004 --> 00:07:29,005
Does that get you hot?
242
00:07:29,007 --> 00:07:31,025
Ah, you know, I prefer
Mysteries.
243
00:07:31,027 --> 00:07:34,010
Damn computers!
244
00:07:34,012 --> 00:07:37,023
"Just stay perfectly still."
245
00:07:37,025 --> 00:07:40,001
What the hell kind
Of job is that?
246
00:07:40,003 --> 00:07:41,015
Ah!
247
00:07:41,017 --> 00:07:42,023
Let's talk benefits.
248
00:07:42,025 --> 00:07:44,008
[growling]
249
00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:45,023
Look at my damn mouth.
250
00:07:45,025 --> 00:07:47,022
Hell, I ain't paying for dental.
251
00:07:49,007 --> 00:07:52,007
So, under experience you've
252
00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:54,028
Listed here on your
Hat-shaped resume
253
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,015
That you can skin a buck,
254
00:07:57,017 --> 00:07:59,023
Run a trout line, and that all
255
00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:01,008
Your rowdy friends...
256
00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:03,005
...Are coming over tonight,
Yes, sir.
257
00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:04,006
Early, you're the most
258
00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:05,016
Impressive squid I've
259
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,010
Interviewed for this position.
260
00:08:07,012 --> 00:08:09,000
Let's talk briefly about
261
00:08:09,002 --> 00:08:10,008
Your work ethic.
262
00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:11,007
Well, I don't think ethnics
263
00:08:11,009 --> 00:08:12,002
Do no work.
264
00:08:12,004 --> 00:08:13,022
I mean, that's they problem,
Really.
265
00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:14,022
If you ain't like me,
266
00:08:14,024 --> 00:08:16,007
Go hang from a damn tree.
267
00:08:16,009 --> 00:08:19,002
Overt racial prejudice.
268
00:08:19,004 --> 00:08:20,010
Impressive, early.
269
00:08:20,012 --> 00:08:21,009
I thank you kindly.
270
00:08:21,011 --> 00:08:23,000
Certainly.
271
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,020
And your reference checks out.
272
00:08:24,022 --> 00:08:26,023
Hello, over there.
273
00:08:26,025 --> 00:08:28,000
[growling]
274
00:08:28,002 --> 00:08:30,029
I think what most impresses me,
Early,
275
00:08:31,001 --> 00:08:32,015
Is the effort in detail
276
00:08:32,017 --> 00:08:34,004
Which you've clearly shown
277
00:08:34,006 --> 00:08:36,017
In urinating on my laptop.
278
00:08:36,019 --> 00:08:37,024
I don't care to consort with
279
00:08:37,026 --> 00:08:38,029
Those of the robot race.
280
00:08:39,001 --> 00:08:40,019
And why would you?
281
00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:42,016
I think that covers it.
282
00:08:42,018 --> 00:08:44,024
Early, welcome to dan halen
283
00:08:44,026 --> 00:08:46,016
Sheet rock international.
284
00:08:46,018 --> 00:08:49,002
[muffled]
Oh, congratulations.
285
00:08:49,004 --> 00:08:50,004
What I gotta do?
286
00:08:50,006 --> 00:08:52,002
Well, you're my boss,
287
00:08:52,004 --> 00:08:55,008
And as c.E.O., you'll have
Certain responsibilities,
288
00:08:55,010 --> 00:08:57,025
Like showing up
289
00:08:57,027 --> 00:08:59,011
And leaving
290
00:08:59,013 --> 00:09:02,025
And accepting liability
For certain
291
00:09:02,027 --> 00:09:04,024
Class-action lawsuits that may
292
00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:06,021
Or may not, and in fact
293
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,013
Currently are being levied
294
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,016
Against new products such as...
295
00:09:10,018 --> 00:09:12,004
The pocket surgeon.
296
00:09:12,006 --> 00:09:13,012
Just scrape the rust from the
297
00:09:13,014 --> 00:09:15,009
Collapsible tumor scoop and...
298
00:09:15,011 --> 00:09:16,020
Look, you won't have to know
299
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:17,027
Any of this stuff.
300
00:09:17,029 --> 00:09:20,004
The point is, people are dumb.
301
00:09:20,006 --> 00:09:21,015
Is my mind going on me,
302
00:09:21,017 --> 00:09:23,003
Or am I watching you
Jibber jabber
303
00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:24,022
Like some sort of jibberty box?
304
00:09:24,024 --> 00:09:26,012
Jibber jabber on,
Jibber jabber on.
305
00:09:26,014 --> 00:09:27,022
Oh, I'm sorry.
306
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,022
I'm just a brash intern.
307
00:09:29,024 --> 00:09:32,027
It won't happen again...Sir.
308
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:35,029
Well, damn, now I feel bad.
309
00:09:36,001 --> 00:09:38,000
Tell you what, take the day off.
310
00:09:38,002 --> 00:09:40,004
Working with me, fire and ice.
311
00:09:40,006 --> 00:09:42,002
I gotta warn you, fire and ice.
312
00:09:43,012 --> 00:09:46,002
♪ he's a new ceo...
313
00:09:46,004 --> 00:09:47,011
What dan halen didn't tell
314
00:09:47,013 --> 00:09:49,001
Early was that he was hired
315
00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:51,013
To fill a minority
Management quota.
316
00:09:51,015 --> 00:09:54,009
♪ oh, hell, hell, no
317
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,023
The previous token
Squid left to
318
00:09:56,025 --> 00:09:59,007
Pursue other opportunities.
319
00:09:59,009 --> 00:10:00,012
Hello, excuse me.
320
00:10:00,014 --> 00:10:01,007
Can you help me, please?
321
00:10:01,009 --> 00:10:02,010
Look, sorry.
322
00:10:02,012 --> 00:10:04,024
Wait a minute--
Something smells like...
323
00:10:04,026 --> 00:10:05,026
Aah!
324
00:10:05,028 --> 00:10:08,008
Zesty ranch baby tacos!
325
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:09,013
Now in man flavor.
326
00:10:09,015 --> 00:10:10,014
Product may or may not
Contain ground up
327
00:10:10,016 --> 00:10:11,019
Remains of man in squid suit.
328
00:10:11,021 --> 00:10:13,007
10% by volume.
Results may vary.
329
00:10:13,009 --> 00:10:14,016
Mmm...
330
00:10:14,018 --> 00:10:15,024
It's so delicious, I was glad
331
00:10:15,026 --> 00:10:17,002
To die for it.
332
00:10:17,004 --> 00:10:18,017
This is a paid actor who may or
May not reflect the feelings
333
00:10:18,019 --> 00:10:19,026
Of the dead mexican
In the squid suit,
334
00:10:19,028 --> 00:10:21,008
Which you may or may
Not be eating.
335
00:10:21,010 --> 00:10:23,016
Enjoy zesty branch man flavor
Baby tacos responsibly.
336
00:10:24,022 --> 00:10:26,021
Early was bursting with pride
337
00:10:26,023 --> 00:10:28,003
To announce his new management
338
00:10:28,005 --> 00:10:30,017
Position with dan halen
Sheet rock.
339
00:10:30,019 --> 00:10:32,010
Daddy's home, and he done
340
00:10:32,012 --> 00:10:35,005
Been jobulated and occupatized.
341
00:10:35,007 --> 00:10:38,004
[inhales deeply]
342
00:10:38,006 --> 00:10:39,024
[exhales]
343
00:10:39,026 --> 00:10:41,001
Mud's on the stove.
344
00:10:41,003 --> 00:10:43,029
Huh-uh.
Lil, put it back in the yard.
345
00:10:44,001 --> 00:10:45,021
We goin' out tonight.
346
00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:48,021
Except for you and you.
347
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:50,007
Hoo!
348
00:10:50,009 --> 00:10:53,020
Life is unexpected.
349
00:10:53,022 --> 00:10:54,029
No.
350
00:10:55,001 --> 00:10:56,000
Drop 'em.
351
00:10:56,002 --> 00:10:57,003
[captioning made possible by
352
00:10:57,005 --> 00:10:59,020
Turner entertainment group]
353
00:10:59,022 --> 00:11:00,023
[captioned by the national
354
00:11:00,025 --> 00:11:01,021
Captioning institute
355
00:11:01,023 --> 00:11:03,007
--www.Ncicap.Org--]
22739
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