Original subtitles

JAY: Babe, I just got a really interesting phone call.

The mayor wants to host a fundraising event

at Mahesh to kick off his reelection campaign.

I thought the restaurant was closed

because of the stripper that crashed through the roof.

He has a name, Trevor.

It's Chris, the hot dinosaur-loving stripper.

And he is lost to the winds.

Well, the roof repairs are actually finished.

But, Jay, I thought there was

some holdup with the inspections.

There is, but private events are okay.

And once the mayor loves us for hosting his fundraiser,

he can pull some strings with the inspections.

We scratch his back, he scratches ours.

I thought the mayor was a dog.

No, that's the next town over.

Bet he love getting back scratched.

So, if this event goes well,

we could reopen the restaurant?

That's what I'm saying, babe.

I thought I saw Chris on the horizon last week,

but it was just a paper bag.

But someday. Until then...

I'll keep looking up.

Didn't he like Nigel and find you kind of creepy?

[QUIETLY]: Someday.

♪ ♪

Listen, Gabe, tonight is a hugely important night for the restaurant.

So I'm gonna need the whole team operating at full capacity.

Hey, man, have you seen my spatula?

You're holding it.

Whoa! [LAUGHS]

What's going on here?

Jay's having a much-needed conversation

with Gabe about curbing his drug usage.

Look, I'm aware that today is

a very special day for the stoner community.

I'm speaking, of course, of it being April 20th, aka 420.

The most holy day on the pothead calendar.

Damn, it's April already?

- I got to cancel Peacock. - JAY: Look, Gabe,

I'm a cool guy.

I've been known to knock around a hacky sack.

I own a poncho. And I dabble in the Devil's lettuce.

Marijuana. If it's so great,

how come they never put it in a cola?

But there's a time and a place,

and I need you laser-focused right now.

So what I'm saying is, please don't do any drugs.

At least not tonight.

You got it, boss.

And let me know if you see that spatula.

I feel like I just saw it.

I'm not convinced the message really got through to young Gabriel.

Maybe I keep tabs on Gabe today,

make sure he's walking the straight and narrow.

Oh, come on, Jay's being totally unreasonable.

420 is Gabe's Christmas.

You don't ask someone to not do drugs on Christmas.

[SCOFFS]

Welcome to Woodstone, Mr. Mayor.

It's an honor to have you here.

Please, call me Tad.

And thank you both for all you're doing for the local economy.

Your hotel, your restaurant...

All the business you've sent to the local mortuary.

[LAUGHING] It has been a lot of deaths.

I've actually been here.

Years ago.

Someone very special to me lost their life here.

Maybe narrow it down for us, pal?

Oh, we're so sorry to hear that.

It was prom night, 1987.

Tad?

[SAW BUZZING]

[SCREAMS]

Oh, he's talking about Stephanie.

My date and I were attacked

by a lunatic escapee from the insane asylum.

The one that's a Starbucks now?

That I'm totally not afraid of?

I tried to fend off the killer, but was knocked unconscious.

My girlfriend Stephanie... didn't make it.

Oh, my God, that's awful.

To think... [SIGHS]

... she didn't live to see the beautiful mall

going up on I-87, thanks to my administration.

Even while recounting a tragic tale,

he must debase himself for votes.

The system still works.

You know, I actually had

a pretty traumatic prom night myself.

You see, I thought I was pen pals

with this French exchange student...

His prom date was hacked to death in front of him.

And we don't have to get into that whole thing.

Let's just see the restaurant. [NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

[SIGHS]

I can't believe that's Stephanie's prom date.

We got to wake her up. She's gonna want to see him.

But she's so mean and scary.

And yet, this could be our chance to get on her good side.

I want her to like me, I don't know why.

I know, me too. I'm desperate for it.

["CHINA CAT SUNFLOWER" BY GRATEFUL DEAD PLAYING]

I am so baked.

And so busted.

♪ Look for a while... ♪

Woof, this stuff reeks.

My mouth is dry.

♪ In the midnight sun... ♪

This music is amazing.

♪ A silver kimono... ♪

Do you remember bugles?

Oh, that's right, you can't hear me.

Do you remember bugles?

"Tad doesn't run from problems."

Oh, I see, so this is sort of, like, your campaign theme.

I may not have ultimately fended off Stephanie's attacker,

but I gave it my best effort.

That's what I promise I'll do

for the people of this town.

- Yes! [CHUCKLES] - [GRUNTS]

Would follow him into battle.

Yeah, I bet that dog in Kingston never gave a speech like that.

Anyway, that's why I wanted to launch

my reelection campaign here at Woodstone.

This means a lot to me.

[HUFFS] Sam, tell this douche nozzle to hit the bricks!

- Look who's awake, guys. - TAD: Excuse me.

I need to take this. Craig, talk to me.

Ugh, you're so old now. You look like a math teacher!

Sam, tell him that!

I'm sorry, what is going on?

We thought she'd be happy

to learn of her prom date's presence,

but it was a... [CLEARS THROAT]

... gross miscalculation.

Hi, Trevor.

You're looking good.

Stephanie, you're 17. You're too young for me.

Technically, I'm 55 now.

Then you're too old for me.

Stephanie, what's your issue with Tad?

My issue is that I hate him.

"Tad doesn't run from problems"?

What the hell does that mean?

SAMANTHA: It refers to how he stood up

to the chain saw killer to try to save you.

[SCOFFS]

Is centerpiece of Tad's mayoral campaign.

[CHUCKLING]: Oh, that's interesting.

'Cause it's a total lie.

Stephanie, what do you mean Tad's story was all a lie?

He didn't try to save me.

The only person he cared about saving was himself.

In fact, as the killer was bearing down on us,

Tad shoved me to the side and ran off.

[ALL GASP]

That is... so sad.

Do you want to comfort me?

Just stop.

Sam, you got to expose this jerk. Take him down!

Look, it's obviously a terrible story, but...

we're really trying to get those permits.

STEPHANIE: [GASPS] Sam?

He left me to die!

And not even the worst part of the story,

but the corsage he got me is, like, super ugly. [SCOFFS]

[INHALES]

Hey, Pete.

Oh! Hey, Flower.

Flower. Whoa. Flour.

[CHUCKLES] That's what bread's made out of.

Okay...

That's actually a pretty cool observation.

What have you been up to today?

Uh, let's see, I was, um...

I was with Gabe in his car. I caught him smoking weed.

- [GASPS] - And then I had the strangest desire

to smell bread for a second.

And that was, like, an hour ago.

Whoa, Pete.

Hmm?

I think you're high.

What? Ghosts can't get high.

I didn't think so, either,

but it actually makes a lot of sense.

We can smell things, and you were

in an enclosed space with smoke, and now,

you're just like that bread:

totally baked.

No, no, no. But, but Pete Martino does not do drugs.

- Relax, man, it's groovy. - It's not groovy!

I'm not the kind of guy who smokes grass,

I'm the kind of guy who cuts grass.

In my wife's gardening hat, while drinking a lemonade.

Oh, I could really go for a lemonade right now,

- my mouth is so dry. - Chill out, Pete.

There's nothing wrong with a little wacky tobacky.

Especially now that you're a ghost.

Nobody's gonna arrest you. You're not gonna lose your job.

I guess that's true.

You're not gonna jump into a tank at SeaWorld

because you think the dolphins invited you to live

in their underwater kingdom.

I was not worried about that.

The point is, it's 420, and you're dead.

Live a little.

So Tad is a liar and a coward,

and the creepy attic ghost wants us to expose him?

Yes, and she's in the room.

Stephanie! Hey, girl!

Sam, you don't want to upset a powerful figure.

Yes, mayor can cause many problems.

[CHUCKLING] I was talking about Stephanie.

The way she can locate a hidden insecurity,

it's like Ben Franklin's ability to sniff out a pastry.

God have mercy on his belt.

I just think we need to do what's right here, Jay.

It's not that simple, babe.

Yes, Tad did a terrible thing.

But us calling him out

and sabotaging our own restaurant

is not gonna change the past.

Yes, the only way to change past is to go to Midgard Gate

and tickle belly of fire serpent.

Sure.

We are constantly doing things for the ghosts.

It's okay to choose ourselves for once.

I mean, she's not even one of the main ghosts.

You. Did. Not.

I'm sorry, guys, this is not on Sam.

It's on me. I'm putting my foot down.

We're gonna give the mayor a great time.

And then, we're gonna get our permits.

- [EXASPERATED SIGH] - Okay, Sam?

Okay.

Seriously? Oh!

This is worse than when that freak Sandra K. beat

my high score in Dig Dug.

Ugh! [GROANS]

What is Dig Dug?

Jay, Thor's asking what Dig Dug is.

Well, it all started in 1982.

I just want to leave the room first.

Fair enough. What do you do when you're confronted with lizards,

but all you have is a bicycle pump?

[GROANS] Boring.

It's not just lizards... or fygars,

as they're called in the game... it's also pookas.

Now, what's a pooka? I'm glad you asked.

What are you talking about?

Flower said Peter got high

while attempting to narc on Gabriel.

Pete? Getting high? [CHUCKLES]

That doesn't seem like something he would do.

It's true.

Peter doesn't seem the type to engage

in that kind of behavior,

but he's recently done a lot of things

that would have previously

- seemed out of character. - What do you mean?

He punched Thor in the face.

Discovered he was secretly in the mafia.

And he's out there roaming, dating up a storm.

Our Peter is a changed man.

Huh, when you put it like that... [CHUCKLES]

... it's almost like Pete's a bit of a bad boy.

TAD: And in many ways,

the city's budget crisis is a metaphorical chain saw killer,

from which I will not run!

I can't. I can't.

He ran away like a little bitch.

This feels bad, Jay.

I know, babe, but just remember: permits.

Stephanie is someone's daughter, Sam.

And her feelings matter.

[QUIETLY]: Girl dad. I get it now.

I may not have been able to save Stephanie,

but I will save commuters

over 15 minutes round trip to Albany

when we add that car pool lane to Route 80.

So he shaved 15 minutes off a fortnight's journey.

Who cares?

What are you gonna do about the wolves?

Saw a bunch of cars pull up to the barn.

I thought that dump was still closed.

Sam and Jay are hosting a fundraiser for the mayor,

who, it turns out, was Stephanie's prom date.

We woke Stephanie up,

thinking she'd be happy to see him,

but apparently she hates him

because of his pathetic actions that fateful night.

He run away like coward, leaving Stephanie to die.

Unlike Thor, who famously

protect Alberta's backside from ricochet.

Wait, that's not what happened

with Stephanie and her prom date.

What? What are you talking about?

I was there that night.

Just minding my own business, watching two teens make out,

when this psycho chain saw guy came out of the forest.

He was heading straight for Stephanie,

but her boyfriend was having none of it.

So Tad didn't push Stephanie in front of the murderer?

No. He rushed right at the killer, but then

the killer clocked him with the butt

of the chain saw, knocking him out.

If anything, that kid was a hero.

So Stephanie made the whole story up?

But why would she do that?

I don't know. What am I, a phrenologist?

Teens are nuts.

'Cause I don't run away from problems.

Let's fix those potholes.

STEPHANIE: I can't believe you, Sam.

You're letting him exploit my death like this? [SCOFFS]

I think we have to say something.

TAD: Who's with me?

Yes!

You're right, this guy sucks.

You know what? Permits be damned.

Let's take him down.

Oh, my God. You guys rock!

I'm sorry, I have a question.

It's not really a Q and A.

How do you sleep at night?

- Yes. - Tell him, Sam.

This guy's entire story about Stephanie is a lie!

What's going on?

Sam and Jay are calling out the mayor.

He didn't try to save Stephanie.

He ran away! Like a punk!

Oh, this is unfortunate.

I'm sorry, I-I have no idea what these two are talking about.

We're talking about you running away

and leaving your prom date to die.

That is 100% false.

- And another thing... - Uh, difficult timing, but Stephanie lied.

Babe? Another thing? You were saying?

Tad didn't run away.

In fact, his entire story is true

and Nancy witnessed it.

And another thing is, you passed the test!

What?

You did not run away from this false accusation.

And that is the kind of leadership

that this town needs. Who's with me?

[SIGHS]

- You lied? - Why would you do that?

You've made fools out of Samantha and Jay.

Okay, fine, he didn't run away, but he's still a douche nozzle.

- What did he do? - I don't want to talk about it.

Anyway, uh, you were saying something about potholes.

And wolves, don't let him off the hook about the wolves.

They dragged away far too many of our butlers.

["MY FUNNY VALENTINE" BY MILES DAVIS PLAYING]

Hey, Pete.

Bertie.

I had no idea you were a jazz fan.

Since my oboe days.

Sure, I'll throw on some REO Speedwagon

if I want to bang out 50 reps on the ThighMaster,

but when it's time to chill, I'm a jazz man.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] I had no idea.

What do you like about it?

No rules.

Controlled chaos.

Or maybe I'm just attracted to the danger.

Maybe I am, too.

Stephanie, what the hell? You made us look like idiots.

Can't believe you lied to us.

I mean, dishonesty is basically her defining characteristic.

Hmm.

Which I like about you.

SAMANTHA: If it's true that Tad defended you that night,

why do you have a grudge against him?

Okay, fine, he didn't run away or whatever.

But Tad did something even worse.

See, the week after I was killed, there was a vigil.

And everyone was there 'cause I was, like,

really, really popular.

The sportos. The motorheads.

The dweebies... no offense, Sam. Anyways...

I'd been dead, like, five days,

and there was Tad, standing hand in hand

with my lab partner/best friend Melanie Del Vecchio.

This is so senseless.

Stephanie was such a gentle soul.

You slut!

We're going to miss her so much.

I hope you drown in your parents' waterbed, Tad, you dill weed.

- [GASPS] - PETE: Just to reintroduce myself,

um, I'm Pete.

Happy to give you that new ghost orientation

whenever you get a second.

Ew, I hate your knees.

That's probably the grief talking.

No, they gross.

SAMANTHA: So, you tried to get us to destroy

his career because he hurt your feelings?

He moved on right away. He was the love of my life.

And apparently, I meant nothing to him.

What's a lab partner?

You okay, Pete?

I'm not gonna lie, Thor.

Alberta and I just had a moment.

Go on.

And then there was a moment.

We were just looking into each other's eyes,

and suddenly I started to lean in.

- You leaned? - I leaned!

- She lean? - She leaned.

- And then? - Well, I'm not one for lurid details,

but her lips... they puckered.

You minx!

Oh, and that's when you kissed?

Not exactly.

Pete, please tell me that's not your palm on my face.

I am so sorry. I think what happened...

Your palm is still on my face.

- Yeah, so... - I'll see you later, Pete.

PETE: I've had a crush on Alberta for so long.

But I'm exclusive with Donna. I can't be a cheater.

Oh, face-palmed by Pete. That's a tough pill to swallow.

That's coming from someone who swallowed a lot of pills.

This is a disaster.

Now it's gonna take months before we get

the permits to reopen the restaurant.

In your guys' defense, you did a great thing,

pulling that hero move for Stephanie.

Yes, how were you to know she was lying,

when all you've had to draw from was

every single other experience you've had with her?

TAD: Uh...

I'm just here to pick up my campaign buttons.

Oh, it's no problem.

We're happy to leave 'em out for guests.

Why? So you can change "Tad" to "Bad"?

Ugh, why did I just give you that suggestion?

I'm such an ideas guy.

Look, Tad... [CHUCKLES] uh, Mr. Mayor,

we are really sorry.

And the truth is...

I'm excited for this explanation.

... we were very high because it's 420.

You are? I love that, Sam.

I thought this jerkwad left.

W-we're just hoping that that doesn't interfere

with you helping us out with those permits.

Oh, I'm not helping you out with anything.

ISAAC: Yeah, that seemed obvious.

But you got to love Jay for trying.

Are we ready, Tad?

Wait, is that... ?

- This is Melanie. - STEPHANIE: It is.

[SCOFFS] Old Melanie.

Ugh, she looks like her mom.

Who was actually really cool. She let me drink at her house.

Hi, I'm Tad's wife.

They got married?

You got married?

I mean, you're married?

I mean, how long have you been married?

Just to give you some context, they're high.

You are, Sam? I love that.

It'll be 30 years this June. We met in high school.

Oh, so you knew Stephanie, too?

MELANIE: Yeah.

She was my best friend.

Stephanie was sort of the thing that brought us together.

She was so special to both of us.

After the incident,

we were both so grief-stricken...

And we found solace in each other.

STEPHANIE: Huh.

I mean, I guess that's kind of nice.

We actually named our daughter Stephanie.

Seriously?

That is so sweet.

SAMANTHA: It's good that something nice

came out of this terrible tragedy.

And again, we're so sorry about before.

[SIGHS]

You know what? This has been a strange evening,

but you guys seem like decent people.

I'll give the permit office a call

and see what I can do.

Really? Thank you.

But please, in the future,

you can split the gummies in half.

Oh.

- What are gummies? - It's like edible pot.

Whoa. The munchies are the drugs?

I died too soon, man.

♪ Roll away the dew ♪

["FRANKLIN'S TOWER" BY GRATEFUL DEAD PLAYING]

♪ Roll away ♪

♪ The dew... ♪

It's just, like, messed-up.

I mean, we're dead, but everyone just keeps living.

Whoa. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Like, what even is that?

Guys, I don't feel anything. I don't think it's working.

I think I'm having a heart attack.

We are floating on a rock right now,

hurtling through space. [CHUCKLING]

I planted that tree, and now it's huge.

Think about that.

Wait, does everybody in this car hate me? Be honest.

You know who's random? Jenkins.

Yeah, he is random.

You guys are lightweights.

[LAUGHS]

♪ Roll away ♪

♪ The dew ♪

♪ Roll away the dew. ♪

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -