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NARRATOR: Previously
on "Father Ted."
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00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,560
It's only a stupid
game of football.
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00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:15,359
There's nothing stupid about
the over 75 football match.
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00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:16,640
Anyway, Ted, do
you think you can win
5
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:18,320
this match without Father Nick?
6
00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:19,679
I hope so.
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00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,120
We're using the forfeit
system again this year.
8
00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:22,640
Wait a second.
9
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,120
These are fake hands.
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00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:27,239
By this time next
week, you have to--
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00:00:27,359 --> 00:00:28,120
Yes?
12
00:00:28,239 --> 00:00:30,239
You have to--
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00:00:30,359 --> 00:00:33,520
Kick Bishop
Brennan up the arse.
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00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,000
[theme music]
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00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,640
Oh, now, come on now, lads.
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00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:17,519
Quetzalcoatl, the
volcano god, is angry.
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00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,719
We must appease his wrath.
- Volcano god.
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00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,079
What kind of nonsense is that?
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00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,439
Look, I'll ask
you one more time.
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00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,239
Would you not give
Catholicism a try?
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00:01:26,359 --> 00:01:28,120
It wouldn't really
catch on here.
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00:01:28,239 --> 00:01:29,560
And we don't agree
with the Pope's line
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00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:30,760
on artificial contraception.
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00:01:30,879 --> 00:01:32,439
It's the '90s, for God's sake.
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00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,799
Cup of tea, Father?
26
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,560
Father, cup of tea?
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00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,840
Father, what's the
matter with ya?
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00:01:48,959 --> 00:01:50,959
You're a million miles away.
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00:01:51,079 --> 00:01:52,280
Hm?
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00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,799
Sorry, Mrs. Doyle.
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00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:56,319
Just thinking about
my next parish.
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00:01:56,439 --> 00:01:57,920
Bishop Brennan is always
threatening to send me
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00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,599
somewhere unpleasant,
and this time, I think he
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00:02:00,719 --> 00:02:01,959
just might go through with it.
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00:02:02,079 --> 00:02:06,719
You see, I'm going to
kick him up the arse.
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00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:08,240
Oh, that.
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00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,800
I don't think he'd mind that.
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00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:14,719
I'd see he'd love a good,
big, hard kick up the arse.
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00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:16,400
Ted, you're not
going to believe this.
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00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,479
Clint Eastwood has been arrested
for a crime he didn't-- oh
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00:02:18,599 --> 00:02:19,400
wait, no, it's a film.
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00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,240
Do you really have to
kick him up the arse, Ted?
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00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,840
I lost the bet, Dougal.
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00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,639
I have to do my forfeit.
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00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,319
Do you remember a few years back
when Dick Byrne lost the darts
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00:02:33,439 --> 00:02:35,840
tournament, and he had to say
bollocks very loudly in front
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00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,360
of President Mary Robinson?
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00:02:38,479 --> 00:02:40,280
They won't let me
away with this one.
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00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,400
You're right, Ted.
50
00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,520
There's a code of
honor involved.
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00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:47,680
You could lie to them.
52
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:51,039
No, he's insisted that you
take a photograph as proof.
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00:02:51,159 --> 00:02:53,919
Oh, God, Dougal, what can I do?
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00:02:54,039 --> 00:02:55,240
I like this parish.
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00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,120
Do ya?
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00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,039
Well, no.
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00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:00,759
But, Ted, look at
it this way, Bishop
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00:03:00,879 --> 00:03:02,319
Brennan has only
come to visit us
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00:03:02,439 --> 00:03:03,680
twice in the last three years.
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00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,360
He hates us, Ted.
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00:03:05,479 --> 00:03:07,719
He thinks we're all a big bunch
of idiots, especially you, Ted.
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00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,199
He thinks you're the
biggest idiot of them all.
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00:03:10,319 --> 00:03:12,520
Head honcho idiot number one.
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00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:14,719
You never know, he may
never come here again.
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00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,159
[phone ringing]
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00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:27,319
Hello, Bishop Brennan.
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00:03:27,439 --> 00:03:28,680
Yes.
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00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,560
OK.
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00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,960
He's coming tomorrow.
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00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:34,879
Oh, no.
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00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,240
Why?
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00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:37,680
Well, what I gathered
from that conversation
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00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,039
is that Father Dick Byrne
has told Bishop Brennan
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00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:41,680
of a miraculous
image that's been
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00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:46,479
appearing in the skirting boards
of the parochial house here.
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00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:49,159
He told Bishop Brennan
that within the wood grain,
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00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,919
you can clearly see what
appears to be a perfect likeness
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00:03:52,039 --> 00:03:54,000
of Bishop Brennan.
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00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,479
And you found all
that just there?
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00:03:56,599 --> 00:03:58,439
Yes, he's very
excited about it.
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00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,479
Images appearing
on skirting boards.
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00:04:00,599 --> 00:04:02,639
That's a bit wacky, isn't it?
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00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:04,159
It's strange, all right?
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00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,719
It's just like the Turin
Shroud or fat woman in Slago.
85
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:10,800
Padre Pio keeps
appearing in her teabags.
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00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:13,080
Or the time I saw God's
face in that painting.
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00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:15,360
That was a bit strange.
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00:04:15,479 --> 00:04:16,920
It wasn't that
strange, Dougal.
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00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,879
It was a painting of God.
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00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,319
And have you heard about
the mystery of the mud angel?
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00:04:22,439 --> 00:04:24,399
The mystery of the mud angel?
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00:04:24,519 --> 00:04:25,759
God, it's weird.
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00:04:25,879 --> 00:04:27,839
Every week in the mud
outside O'Leary's pub,
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00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:29,959
there's the perfect
outline of a man.
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00:04:30,079 --> 00:04:31,160
They call it the mud angel.
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00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,160
Mystery solved.
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00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:44,959
Still though, visions and
apparitions and all that stuff,
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00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:46,199
it is a bit odd.
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00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:47,560
It's one of those
areas of Catholicism
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00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:50,240
that is, frankly,
it's a bit mad.
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00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,360
So the whole Catholic thing
is a bit of a puzzler, isn't it,
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00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,040
Ted?
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00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,759
Careful, Dougal.
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00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,360
I'm a bit afraid
of Len though.
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00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:58,839
Join the club.
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00:04:58,959 --> 00:05:00,319
But I'm not going
to worry about it.
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00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:02,319
The worst thing would be
to keep thinking about it,
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00:05:02,439 --> 00:05:04,920
and becoming so anxious and
obsessed that you can't sleep.
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00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,439
I mean, that would be just--
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00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,439
Dougal?
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00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:10,639
Dougal?
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00:05:10,759 --> 00:05:11,519
What?
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00:05:11,639 --> 00:05:12,439
What?
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00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,439
God, that was weird.
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00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,399
What happened there?
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00:05:16,519 --> 00:05:19,839
The last thing I remember is
feeling very drowsy and tired,
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00:05:19,959 --> 00:05:22,319
and I can't remember
anything at all after that.
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00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,240
Yes, Dougal, it's
called falling asleep.
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00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,639
You do it every night.
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00:05:31,759 --> 00:05:33,680
I don't know why you're
finding it so easy to drop off.
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00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,040
Tomorrow-- today,
in fact, you're
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00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,560
going to be taking
a photograph of me
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00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,040
kicking Bishop
Brendon up the arse,
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00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,519
and he won't like that either.
125
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:41,160
Would you like someone
taking a photograph of you
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00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:42,319
being kicked up the arse?
127
00:05:42,439 --> 00:05:43,519
Put yourself in his place.
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00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,920
I wouldn't like that at all.
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00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,959
No, I thought you wouldn't.
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00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:57,959
And his PA is coming,
Father Jessup, the most
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00:05:58,079 --> 00:05:59,839
sarcastic priest in Ireland.
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00:05:59,959 --> 00:06:01,680
But, Ted, when
Len comes around--
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00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,079
Dougal, hold it right there.
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00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:04,240
Don't call Len Len.
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00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,279
He's a Bishop.
136
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,240
What are you not to call him?
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00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,800
Let's get this right.
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00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:08,839
Len.
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00:06:08,959 --> 00:06:09,720
Very good.
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00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:11,240
Now, just remember that.
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00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,439
Len.
Len.
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00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:13,079
Len.
Len.
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00:06:13,199 --> 00:06:13,720
Len.
Len.
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00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:14,360
Len.
Len.
145
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:14,920
Len.
Len.
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00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,680
Len.
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00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,279
OK, now let's get
a good night's sleep.
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00:06:26,759 --> 00:06:27,639
It's morning.
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00:06:27,759 --> 00:06:30,240
We must have talked all night.
150
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,160
OK, well, at least we have
another few hours before the--
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00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:33,360
[alarm clock]
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00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,360
At least I set it a bit early,
so we'll have plenty of time
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00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,279
before Bishop Brennan--
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00:06:37,399 --> 00:06:38,279
[doorbell]
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00:06:39,879 --> 00:06:41,720
Mrs. Doyle, stall
them for a few seconds.
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00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:42,639
Come on, Dougal.
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00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,199
Hello.
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00:06:49,319 --> 00:06:52,000
This is the housekeeper.
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00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,120
Your Grace, is that
a hat you're wearing?
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00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,720
It is actually
called a biretta.
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00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:57,600
Is it?
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00:06:57,720 --> 00:06:58,519
Yes.
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00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,600
Well, that's enough stalling.
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00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:06,839
In you go.
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00:07:06,959 --> 00:07:08,839
That's very true,
Dougal, and you see,
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00:07:08,959 --> 00:07:11,839
the importance of the Eucharist
in the mass from St. Paul
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00:07:11,959 --> 00:07:12,959
says here.
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00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:14,560
The way I see it, Ted--
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00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,720
Pretending to
talk about religion.
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00:07:16,839 --> 00:07:18,160
Crilly.
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00:07:18,279 --> 00:07:20,639
- Ah.
- Hello, Len.
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00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:27,160
Don't call me Len,
you little prick.
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00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:28,959
I'm a Bishop.
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00:07:29,079 --> 00:07:30,279
All right.
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00:07:30,399 --> 00:07:31,160
Well done.
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00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,759
You know this type of
thing 24 hours a day, huh?
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00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,600
All right, Crilly,
I'll make this short.
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00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,160
Show me the likeness,
and I'll be off.
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00:07:40,279 --> 00:07:43,040
I have to be off to Rome
tomorrow for an audience
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00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:44,480
with the Pope.
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00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:45,800
I love those programs.
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00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,399
Have you seen the
one with Elton John?
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00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:50,360
Shut up.
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00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,079
Hello, Father Jessup.
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00:07:55,199 --> 00:07:56,279
Helping Bishop Brennan then?
186
00:07:56,399 --> 00:07:57,639
No.
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00:07:57,759 --> 00:08:02,879
I'm up in space doing
important work for NASA.
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00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,600
Now, show me
this thing, Crilly.
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00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,720
It's very like
you, Your Grace.
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00:08:07,839 --> 00:08:09,079
Oh, really, now?
191
00:08:09,199 --> 00:08:11,839
You're better looking,
of course, though.
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00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:16,399
I don't mean that
in an intimate way.
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00:08:16,519 --> 00:08:17,399
Nasty day.
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00:08:17,519 --> 00:08:18,839
Did you come by the new road?
195
00:08:18,959 --> 00:08:19,839
No.
196
00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:21,439
We went round by Southern Yemen.
197
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,000
Anyway, before we look
at the skirting board,
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00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,000
do you mind if Father Maguire
takes a few photographs?
199
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:28,920
Go on, Dougal.
200
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:42,080
All this is nothing.
201
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:42,960
Nothing.
202
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,240
I, um, I suppose, I
suppose we better go.
203
00:09:02,039 --> 00:09:03,559
Now, this is a new one.
204
00:09:07,919 --> 00:09:11,120
Maybe before we look at it,
perhaps we should say a prayer.
205
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:12,279
No, I don't want--
all right.
206
00:09:12,399 --> 00:09:13,759
All right.
Carry on.
207
00:09:13,879 --> 00:09:15,360
Carry on.
208
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,919
Oh, Lord, at this time of
great joy for Bishop Brennan,
209
00:09:18,039 --> 00:09:21,679
when you've seen fit to put his
face into the skirting board
210
00:09:21,799 --> 00:09:24,799
of our house, we
ask you to consider
211
00:09:24,919 --> 00:09:27,000
the gift of forgiveness.
212
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,440
You who are the most
forgiving of all gods--
213
00:09:30,559 --> 00:09:31,639
Of all gods?
214
00:09:31,759 --> 00:09:35,559
What other gods
are there, Crilly?
215
00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:38,200
False gods.
216
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,840
Oh, Lord, heap blessings
upon wise Bishop Brennan,
217
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,320
the best Bishop in
the world by miles.
218
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:49,759
For he endureth
without spite, Amen.
219
00:09:49,879 --> 00:09:50,679
There it is.
220
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:51,639
Have a look.
221
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:54,120
It's under the window there.
222
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:59,639
Well, I don't see
anything, Crilly.
223
00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:12,200
What happened there?
224
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:16,399
Crilly just jumped
through the window.
225
00:10:16,519 --> 00:10:17,320
Crilly?
226
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:19,159
Crilly, are you out there?
227
00:10:19,279 --> 00:10:20,320
What's going on?
228
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:21,960
Why did he jump
through the window?
229
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,159
An audience with Lily Savage.
230
00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:24,080
That was good as well.
231
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,879
The Pope, that
would be just great.
232
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,000
Crilly, why did you
jump through the window?
233
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,279
Jump through the window?
234
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:34,320
I didn't jump through
the window, did I?
235
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:35,279
You did.
236
00:10:35,399 --> 00:10:37,000
You jumped through the window.
237
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:37,879
Right.
238
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,240
It was because of shock.
239
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:40,360
I saw your face.
240
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:41,320
Did you not see it
in the skirting?
241
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:42,759
No, I did not.
242
00:10:42,879 --> 00:10:43,759
Did you not?
243
00:10:43,879 --> 00:10:44,639
I thought it smiles at me.
244
00:10:44,759 --> 00:10:45,840
Did you see it, Dougal?
245
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,480
No.
246
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,960
God, it was extraordinary.
247
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,279
And do you not notice the sort
of holy smell in the room?
248
00:10:53,399 --> 00:10:57,080
Ted, that might be just
Jack's underpants hamper.
249
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,279
I'll put it back in his room.
250
00:11:04,279 --> 00:11:05,200
Look at it.
251
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,840
It's uncanny.
252
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:08,480
You know, I'm surprised you're
not appearing on more things
253
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:09,720
actually.
254
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,039
You're such a top
of the range Bishop.
255
00:11:11,159 --> 00:11:13,639
Crilly, it is just
an indistinct squiggle.
256
00:11:13,759 --> 00:11:15,559
Now, come on, Jessup,
we're leaving.
257
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,039
So Crilly, where is my cloak?
258
00:11:24,159 --> 00:11:27,879
Your Grace, Father Crilly,
I just heard on the news
259
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,840
that they've taken the roads in.
260
00:11:32,639 --> 00:11:34,360
They've taken the roads in?
261
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:35,879
Yes.
262
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,519
When the rain is bad, they
store them in a warehouse
263
00:11:37,639 --> 00:11:38,879
on the east side of the island.
264
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,240
What?
265
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,519
I have to be in Rome
tomorrow for an audience
266
00:11:42,639 --> 00:11:44,120
with the Holy Father.
267
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:45,679
Don't worry, Len, they repeat
those shows all the time.
268
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,960
They'll have the roads
back out by tomorrow.
269
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,799
So essentially, we
have to spend the night?
270
00:11:53,919 --> 00:11:54,679
Yes.
271
00:11:54,799 --> 00:11:57,159
Oh, bullocks.
272
00:11:57,279 --> 00:12:00,000
Well, I'll make up the
beds in the spare room.
273
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:00,960
No.
274
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,519
We'll sleep outside in a ditch.
275
00:12:05,519 --> 00:12:07,879
OK so.
276
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,759
Would you like a cup of tea?
277
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:13,039
No, we'd rather die of thirst.
278
00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:14,720
OK so.
279
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:17,480
Mrs. Doyle, I
think Father Jessup
280
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,080
was being a bit sarcastic.
281
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,360
What?
282
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,320
Were you being
sarcastic, Father Jessup?
283
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:24,679
No, we want to die of thirst.
284
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,159
Mrs. Doyle, I know
it's a bit confusing,
285
00:12:29,279 --> 00:12:32,759
but just do the opposite
of what Father Jessup says.
286
00:12:32,879 --> 00:12:34,759
OK.
287
00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:40,360
So, you really do
want a cup of tea?
288
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:43,840
Yes.
289
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,360
A-ha the kraken awakes.
290
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,519
Did we disturb you,
Father Hackett?
291
00:13:03,639 --> 00:13:04,440
Ice biscuits.
292
00:13:07,279 --> 00:13:08,480
What?
293
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,360
How dare you speak to
His Grace like that.
294
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,000
Apologize immediately.
295
00:13:18,519 --> 00:13:23,000
I'm so, so, sorry.
296
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,440
Now, that's sarcasm.
297
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,000
Dougal, there's just no way
I'm going to be able to kick
298
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,879
Bishop Brennan up the arse.
299
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,440
He's just too scary.
300
00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:42,360
I'd rather take my
chances in another parish.
301
00:13:49,879 --> 00:13:51,759
Oh my God.
302
00:13:51,879 --> 00:13:54,159
Ted, I might have a way you
can kick Bishop Brennan up
303
00:13:54,279 --> 00:13:55,960
the arse and get away with it.
304
00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,720
If you did, Dougal, that would
make you the most intelligent
305
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,360
person in the world.
306
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:02,279
Do you think that's likely?
307
00:14:02,399 --> 00:14:04,679
I wouldn't go that far.
308
00:14:04,799 --> 00:14:05,679
I'm no Jeffrey Archer.
309
00:14:05,799 --> 00:14:06,799
I don't care what anyone says.
310
00:14:11,159 --> 00:14:12,600
Why don't you just
kick him up the arse,
311
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,840
and then act like
nothing happened?
312
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,919
Brilliant, Dougal.
313
00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:17,960
No, Ted, seriously.
314
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:18,840
Look at it this way.
315
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,519
How scared are you of Len?
316
00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:22,679
Very scared.
317
00:14:22,799 --> 00:14:24,320
Exactly.
318
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,240
So how likely would it be for
you to kick him up the arse?
319
00:14:29,919 --> 00:14:32,120
Well, not likely at all.
320
00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:33,159
Exactly.
321
00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:34,360
So when you kick
him up the arse,
322
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,360
just carry on like
nothing happened.
323
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,759
He'd never believe that
you'd be brave enough
324
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,399
to kick him up the arse.
325
00:14:40,519 --> 00:14:42,120
He'd think he'd
just imagined it.
326
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,639
My God.
327
00:14:46,759 --> 00:14:50,720
That-- that might work.
328
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,720
That might well work.
329
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:54,879
I'm going to do it, Dougal.
330
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,000
I'm ready.
331
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,279
As God as my
witness, I will kick
332
00:14:58,399 --> 00:14:59,759
Bishop Brennan up the arse.
333
00:14:59,879 --> 00:15:01,720
BISHOP BRENNAN: Crilly!
334
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,720
Keep the noise down in there.
335
00:15:09,759 --> 00:15:12,440
I think it might be
worth taking one more look.
336
00:15:12,559 --> 00:15:15,279
This has been a
complete waste of my time.
337
00:15:15,399 --> 00:15:16,279
Well, things might pick up.
338
00:15:16,399 --> 00:15:17,159
You never know.
339
00:15:17,279 --> 00:15:18,159
All right, let's see.
340
00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:20,320
Come on.
341
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,679
Wait a minute,
that's not yours.
342
00:15:21,799 --> 00:15:23,399
That belongs to his--
343
00:15:23,519 --> 00:15:25,240
don't you look at me like that.
344
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:29,399
Give that back or
there'll be trouble.
345
00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:30,519
Come back here.
346
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:33,720
Help.
347
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,879
What was that?
348
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,440
Mice or something.
349
00:15:44,559 --> 00:15:45,320
Can you see anything?
350
00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,399
No, I can't.
351
00:15:46,519 --> 00:15:47,600
Oh, just wait a minute.
352
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,039
Wait a minute.
353
00:15:49,159 --> 00:15:53,919
There seems to be a very
crude watercolor painting
354
00:15:54,039 --> 00:15:56,960
of a man in a bishop's hat.
355
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:57,879
Really?
356
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,000
Let me see.
357
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,080
Ah, you're right.
358
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,879
Tell you what must
have happened.
359
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,399
Dougal probably didn't want
you to be disappointed,
360
00:16:15,519 --> 00:16:17,200
so he must have
drawn that himself.
361
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:21,440
Ah, he meant well.
362
00:16:21,559 --> 00:16:24,639
Anyway, I'm sure you want to
be off, catch that ferry, huh?
363
00:16:24,759 --> 00:16:25,799
We'll order you a taxi.
364
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,600
So off to see the Pope in Rome?
365
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,919
I bet you're really
looking forward to that.
366
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,240
Well, did you see anything?
367
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,000
No, nothing
there at all sadly?
368
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:40,879
You were right.
369
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,519
It was a wild goose chase.
370
00:16:42,639 --> 00:16:43,879
Where's Father Jessup?
371
00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,320
Maybe he went on ahead?
372
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,559
OK, so see you
soon, Your Grace.
373
00:16:51,519 --> 00:16:52,799
Come back as soon as you can.
374
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,000
Bye.
375
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:11,720
Grace?
376
00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:14,960
Your Grace, you all right?
377
00:17:15,079 --> 00:17:18,480
You were right, he
didn't notice a thing.
378
00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:20,440
You gave him a really
hard kick up the arse,
379
00:17:20,559 --> 00:17:23,279
and he didn't realize it at all.
380
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,119
Maybe, maybe, I didn't
kick him up the arse.
381
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,640
No, Ted, I took the
photograph, remember?
382
00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:31,799
You're right, I did do it.
383
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,720
And I really went for it.
384
00:17:33,839 --> 00:17:35,440
More sparkling wine.
385
00:17:35,559 --> 00:17:37,880
I need more sparkling wine.
386
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,960
You traveling by
yourself, Your Grace?
387
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,240
Your Grace?
388
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:45,119
Huh?
389
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,000
Father.
390
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:49,920
Arse.
391
00:17:52,599 --> 00:17:53,359
Help.
392
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,279
Help.
393
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,240
Please.
394
00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,119
Oh, thank God.
395
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,240
Help me.
396
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,960
Father Jessup, what
are you doing in Father
397
00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:07,960
Hackett's underpants Hamper
398
00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:10,720
He He locked me in here.
399
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:14,960
Dear God, the smell.
400
00:18:15,079 --> 00:18:17,720
Are you not terribly
uncomfortable in there?
401
00:18:17,839 --> 00:18:20,279
Of course, I'm uncomfortable.
402
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,400
I want to get out.
403
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,519
Fair enough so.
404
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:32,000
Where are you going?
405
00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:33,720
Help me.
406
00:18:33,839 --> 00:18:35,559
Have you finished
your meal, Your Grace?
407
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,160
Your Grace?
408
00:18:37,279 --> 00:18:38,279
Huh?
409
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,759
Have you finished your meal?
410
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:40,680
No.
411
00:18:45,519 --> 00:18:47,559
This-- this is what I did.
412
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:52,119
First thing in the
morning, Dougal,
413
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:57,720
I want 200 copies for all my
friends, and one for myself
414
00:18:57,839 --> 00:18:59,279
blown up 10 by 10.
415
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,160
Yeah.
416
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,559
Fag off.
417
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:13,759
Bishop Leonard Brennan.
418
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,759
He did kick me up the arse.
419
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,039
Get me on the first
plane back to Ireland.
420
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,720
Now, God damn it.
421
00:19:27,839 --> 00:19:29,440
What are you looking at, huh?
422
00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:40,599
Oh, gees.
423
00:19:44,839 --> 00:19:45,720
Oh, Go--
424
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,079
[honking]
425
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,039
Ah!
426
00:20:01,039 --> 00:20:02,640
Oh, no.
427
00:20:02,759 --> 00:20:03,720
[growling]
428
00:20:03,839 --> 00:20:04,640
Crilly!
429
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,000
Crilly!
430
00:20:20,079 --> 00:20:22,880
Crilly, I know
you're under the bed.
431
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,839
I can see ya.
432
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,599
Bishop Brennan, hello.
433
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,440
God almighty, what
brings you back?
434
00:20:28,559 --> 00:20:31,359
Come out from there now.
435
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,160
No.
436
00:20:33,279 --> 00:20:34,359
No?
437
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,200
I will give you 10
seconds, Crilly.
438
00:20:38,319 --> 00:20:40,000
It's just that I
can see another vision
439
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,319
of you, Your Grace.
440
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,519
The bits of fluff
seem to be arranging
441
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,720
themselves into some
sort of bishop formation.
442
00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:52,839
Hello.
443
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,640
Good to see you back.
444
00:20:54,759 --> 00:20:55,880
What brings you here?
445
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,000
What brings me here?
446
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:58,599
Well, I suppose
the company, huh?
447
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,119
The fresh air?
448
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,319
The view from my window of
that great pile of sludge,
449
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,440
but number one on the
list would be the matter
450
00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:07,200
of you kicking me up the ass.
451
00:21:07,319 --> 00:21:11,720
Yes, I think that Is the
one I would prioritize.
452
00:21:11,839 --> 00:21:12,599
Kicking?
453
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:13,519
What?
454
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:14,599
When did I kick--
455
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,799
Don't try my patience, Crilly.
456
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,839
You kicked me up the ass.
457
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,480
Try to deny it, and I will
have you fed to the dogs.
458
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,559
Why would I do that?
459
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:27,519
You'd kill me.
460
00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:31,160
You're damn right I would.
461
00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:35,039
I would never, ever
kick you up the arse, sir.
462
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,920
I think you're great.
463
00:21:37,039 --> 00:21:39,039
Well, I-- huh?
464
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,839
You sure you're not making
a terrible, terrible mistake?
465
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,039
Do you think that
could be possible?
466
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:45,240
Of course, it's not.
467
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:46,880
Well, I mean, you
know, it did occur
468
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:51,279
to me that it was a bit, um,
a bit unbelievable, you know?
469
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,359
It's unbelievable because
it didn't actually happen.
470
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:58,640
I swear to you on all that
I hold dear, on my life,
471
00:21:58,759 --> 00:22:02,359
on my religion, on
God, on all the Saints
472
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:08,079
and angels in heaven, I did
not kick you up the arse.
473
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,920
Well, you know, maybe--
474
00:22:10,039 --> 00:22:11,240
you know, maybe,
I need a holiday.
475
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:15,400
Maybe I have been sort
of imagining things.
476
00:22:15,519 --> 00:22:16,839
You have been
imagining things.
477
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,319
Have a holiday.
You deserve it.
478
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,119
- Shut up, Crilly.
- Okey dokey.
479
00:22:22,599 --> 00:22:23,480
Bye, Bishop Brennan.
480
00:22:23,599 --> 00:22:24,599
Bye.
481
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,160
Don't worry about the door.
Bye.
482
00:22:26,279 --> 00:22:27,400
Come back again soon.
483
00:22:27,519 --> 00:22:28,799
Ted, I got those
copies you ordered.
484
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:29,680
Shut up, Dougal.
485
00:22:29,799 --> 00:22:32,440
Shut up.
486
00:22:32,559 --> 00:22:34,240
The one you wanted
blown up, the 10 by 10.
487
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:35,480
Where do you want that?
488
00:22:35,599 --> 00:22:36,599
What do you mean
where do I want it?
489
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:37,680
Bye, Bishop Brennan.
490
00:22:37,799 --> 00:22:38,559
We love you.
491
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:49,240
Come here.
492
00:22:59,319 --> 00:23:00,200
Turn around.
493
00:23:17,319 --> 00:23:21,160
[theme music]
494
00:24:00,799 --> 00:24:05,200
I'm really enjoying this.
33257
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