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1
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,720
[music playing]
2
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[propeller sounds]
3
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[explosion]
4
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,280
Dee de de de.
5
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,280
La, la la, la.
6
00:00:46,399 --> 00:00:49,679
Dee dee de di dee di dee--
7
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:51,439
Ted, have you seen
my record collection?
8
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:52,520
Your record collection?
9
00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:53,640
Yeah.
10
00:00:53,759 --> 00:00:54,920
Here it is.
11
00:00:55,039 --> 00:00:58,000
And Dougal, you need
more than one record
12
00:00:58,119 --> 00:00:59,399
to have a collection.
13
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What you have is a record.
14
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:02,079
[laughter]
15
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All right.
16
00:01:03,119 --> 00:01:04,040
Yeah.
17
00:01:04,159 --> 00:01:09,159
La, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la.
18
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:12,920
Da, da, da, da, da, da, dum--
19
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:17,680
You know, you have a
beautiful voice, Father.
20
00:01:17,799 --> 00:01:18,879
No, I don't really.
21
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,079
No, you do.
22
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:21,359
It's gorgeous.
23
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:22,280
[laughter]
24
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Thanks very much.
25
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:25,079
I don't think I've
ever heard anything
26
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,079
more beautiful in all my life.
27
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,040
Go on, sing something else.
28
00:01:30,159 --> 00:01:32,519
No, I don't
normally do requests.
29
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:33,560
Ah, go on now.
30
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,319
Please.
31
00:01:36,439 --> 00:01:37,599
OK.
32
00:01:37,719 --> 00:01:43,319
(SINGING) I love Paris
in the springtime,
33
00:01:43,439 --> 00:01:48,920
I love Paris in the fall.
- No.
34
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,239
[laughter]
35
00:01:50,359 --> 00:01:51,879
No, I didn't like
that one so much.
36
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,280
No, I was a bit disappointed
with that one, to be honest.
37
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,959
Yes, thank you Mrs. Doyle.
38
00:01:56,079 --> 00:01:57,000
That wasn't very good at all.
39
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,480
[laughter]
- Yes.
40
00:01:58,599 --> 00:01:59,680
I mean, I used
to love that song,
41
00:01:59,799 --> 00:02:01,040
but that version
was catastrophic.
42
00:02:01,159 --> 00:02:02,159
[laughter]
43
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,719
Well, tell you
what, Mrs. Doyle,
44
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,239
I won't book Carnegie
Hall just yet.
45
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,879
I don't think they'd
let you play Carnegie
46
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,879
Hall with a voice like that.
47
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:11,960
Carnegie Hall.
48
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,680
Oh, Ted-- here's one.
49
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,400
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
50
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,439
Practice.
51
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:18,680
What?
52
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,000
[laughter]
53
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,159
That's that old
joke, isn't it?
54
00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:22,599
How do you get to Carnegie Hall?
55
00:02:22,719 --> 00:02:23,560
Practice.
56
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:24,919
Huh?
57
00:02:25,039 --> 00:02:26,280
[laughter]
58
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,680
Oh, I see.
59
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,719
You'd have to go to
New York, Dougal.
60
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:31,639
Oh, right.
61
00:02:31,759 --> 00:02:32,520
Yeah.
62
00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:33,560
Ted,
63
00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:35,039
[laughter]
64
00:02:35,159 --> 00:02:37,039
Do you mind if I
put on my record?
65
00:02:37,159 --> 00:02:39,439
No go ahead.
66
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:40,800
I've got Eurosong fever, Ted.
67
00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:42,599
- Yeah?
- Oh, God, yeah.
68
00:02:42,719 --> 00:02:44,080
I love the Eurosong competition.
69
00:02:44,199 --> 00:02:45,439
I just can't wait.
70
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,400
What time is it now?
71
00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:48,439
Half past one.
72
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,560
Half one?
73
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,240
And the competition is on in--
74
00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:52,680
May.
75
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,120
[laughter]
76
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,960
Ted, you know they're
looking for entries
77
00:02:57,080 --> 00:02:59,199
for this year's competition.
78
00:02:59,319 --> 00:03:00,680
- Are they?
- Yeah.
79
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,080
- Dougal--
- Why don't we--
80
00:03:02,199 --> 00:03:02,960
Dougal!
81
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,360
Ah, come on, Ted.
82
00:03:04,479 --> 00:03:05,520
Dougal!
83
00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:06,840
Imagine-- if we
won, we'd be famous.
84
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,240
Like Nelson Mandela
and his mad wife.
85
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,159
[laughter]
86
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:12,080
No, Dougal.
87
00:03:12,199 --> 00:03:13,199
We don't have the time.
88
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:14,639
Anyway, we'd have
to write a song.
89
00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:15,879
That needs a certain
type of person
90
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,319
with a very special talent.
91
00:03:17,439 --> 00:03:19,680
Cole Porter, George
and Ira Gershwin.
92
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,000
Chris de Burgh.
93
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,400
Not just any old eejit
can take up the art
94
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:23,759
of songwriting just like that.
95
00:03:23,879 --> 00:03:25,919
[phone ringing]
96
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:26,960
Hello, Father Ted Crilly.
97
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:27,879
Hello!
98
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,479
Dick Byrne here.
99
00:03:29,599 --> 00:03:30,759
Dick.
100
00:03:30,879 --> 00:03:32,439
Well, Ted, are you
entering this year?
101
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,360
FATHER TED (ON PHONE): What?
102
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:35,000
Eurosong '96.
103
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,479
The young fellow has me
driven mad here with it.
104
00:03:37,599 --> 00:03:39,520
Anyway, we thought we'd
enter it this year.
105
00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:40,840
Why don't you give
it a go, as well?
106
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:41,840
I'm sure you'd win it, Ted.
107
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,120
Well, thanks very much for--
108
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:44,439
If all the other
contestants were killed!
109
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,719
[laughter]
110
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,319
I'm sure we'd do just
as well as you would.
111
00:03:48,439 --> 00:03:49,879
- No you wouldn't.
- Yes we would.
112
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,159
- No you wouldn't.
- Yes we would.
113
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:52,240
- No you wouldn't.
- Yes we would.
114
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,360
- No you wouldn't.
- Yes we would.
115
00:03:53,479 --> 00:03:54,120
- No you wouldn't.
- Yes we would.
116
00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:55,439
No you wouldn't.
117
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:56,719
Yes we would, yes we
would, yes we would!
118
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,000
- No you wouldn't times 1,000!
- Yes we--
119
00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:58,960
Jinx!
No come backs!
120
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,800
[phone slams down]
121
00:04:00,919 --> 00:04:03,520
[laughter]
122
00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:04,800
Dougal, get the guitar.
123
00:04:04,919 --> 00:04:05,719
But I thought--
124
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,599
I said get the guitar!
125
00:04:07,719 --> 00:04:11,080
[laughter]
126
00:04:11,199 --> 00:04:13,599
[door slams]
127
00:04:13,719 --> 00:04:14,639
OK, right.
128
00:04:14,759 --> 00:04:16,720
What do we write it about?
129
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,439
How about a lovely horse?
130
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,879
[laughter]
131
00:04:24,439 --> 00:04:25,800
OK.
132
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:33,040
We'll call it "My Lovely
Horse" by father Ted Crilly.
133
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,879
And Father Dougal McGuire.
134
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,600
[laughter]
135
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,720
And Father Dougal McGuire.
136
00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:41,600
Right.
137
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:43,480
Here we go.
138
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,399
Will we do the lyrics first
or we'll be doing the music?
139
00:04:46,519 --> 00:04:48,639
Let's do the lyrics and then
we can fit the tune around it.
140
00:04:48,759 --> 00:04:49,560
Right.
141
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,399
Here we go.
142
00:04:52,519 --> 00:04:54,839
[laughter]
143
00:04:58,439 --> 00:05:00,079
Maybe we should
do the music first.
144
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:01,800
Look, right.
Here we go.
145
00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,480
[out of tune chord]
146
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:04,759
I like that.
147
00:05:04,879 --> 00:05:06,480
[laughter]
148
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,800
Was that all right?
149
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:08,759
Yeah.
150
00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:11,600
It was a bit sad.
- Good.
151
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:12,680
I'll write it down.
152
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,759
I think it was an A minor.
153
00:05:16,879 --> 00:05:17,879
I think--
154
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,319
I think-- I think
I have a lyric.
155
00:05:19,439 --> 00:05:20,720
Right-- lyrics.
156
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:21,720
Go ahead there, Dougal.
157
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,399
What's it called again?
158
00:05:23,519 --> 00:05:25,120
[laughter]
159
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,040
"My Lovely Horse."
160
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:27,959
Right.
161
00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:29,560
How about this?
162
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,439
My lovely horse, I want
to hold you so tight,
163
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,519
I want to rub my fingers
through your tail,
164
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:38,000
and love you all night.
165
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:38,879
[laughter]
166
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,199
Dougal, Dougal.
167
00:05:40,319 --> 00:05:42,319
Stop there.
168
00:05:42,439 --> 00:05:44,000
We want to keep out of
the whole area of actually
169
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,199
being in love with the horse.
[laughter]
170
00:05:46,319 --> 00:05:47,560
Oh, right, right.
171
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,040
It's more that we're
friends with the horse.
172
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,920
That we want to jump around
with it and, you know,
173
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,000
just have a good laugh it.
- Right.
174
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,879
What about something like,
take this lump of sugar, baby,
175
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,160
you know you want it?
176
00:05:57,279 --> 00:05:59,639
[laughter]
177
00:06:01,399 --> 00:06:03,839
That would be something like
those rap fellows would write.
178
00:06:03,959 --> 00:06:05,439
You can forget
about them Dougal.
179
00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:09,319
Forget about icy tea and
and scoopy scoopy dog dog.
180
00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:10,399
[laughter]
181
00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:12,920
They are no help to us now.
182
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,319
Anyway, we're not moving from
here until we finish the song.
183
00:06:15,439 --> 00:06:16,199
Ready?
184
00:06:16,319 --> 00:06:17,120
Ready, Ted.
185
00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:18,279
Let's do it!
186
00:06:18,399 --> 00:06:21,000
Dougal, don't take
it so seriously.
187
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,480
It's just a bit of fun.
188
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,839
[clock ticking]
189
00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:29,199
Just play the [bleep] note!
190
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:31,160
[laughter]
191
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,360
The first one?
192
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:35,279
No!
193
00:06:35,399 --> 00:06:36,480
Not the [bleep] first one!
194
00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,319
The [bleep] is
already [bleep] done!
195
00:06:39,439 --> 00:06:42,360
Just play the [bleep] note you
were [bleep] playing earlier!
196
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,839
I've been playing the
[bleep] first one!
197
00:06:43,959 --> 00:06:46,600
We have the [bleep] first one!
198
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:47,560
[laughter]
199
00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,959
[cans kicked out of the way]
200
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:53,040
So I just--
201
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,160
Just play the [bleep] note
you were [bleep] playing there!
202
00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,199
You were just [bleep] doing!
203
00:06:57,319 --> 00:06:59,920
Play the [bleep] note!
204
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,399
[laughter]
205
00:07:01,519 --> 00:07:03,879
[clock ticking]
206
00:07:05,519 --> 00:07:08,360
[beat track playing]
207
00:07:11,959 --> 00:07:13,639
Right.
208
00:07:13,759 --> 00:07:16,480
[beat track playing]
209
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:20,519
My lovely horse running
through the field,
210
00:07:20,639 --> 00:07:25,199
where are you going with your
fetlocks blowing in the wind?
211
00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:30,600
I want to shower you with sugar
lumps and ride you over fences,
212
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:33,800
I want to polish your
hooves every single day,
213
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,399
and bring you to
the horse dentist.
214
00:07:37,519 --> 00:07:41,800
My lovely horse,
you're a pony no more,
215
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,279
running around with
the man on your back
216
00:07:44,399 --> 00:07:45,839
like a train in the night--
- Wait, wait.
217
00:07:45,959 --> 00:07:46,759
I can do this bit.
218
00:07:46,879 --> 00:07:48,199
Like a train in the--
219
00:07:48,319 --> 00:07:50,279
[out of tune chord] --night.
220
00:07:50,399 --> 00:07:53,240
Well, what do you
think in general?
221
00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:57,560
[gunshot]
222
00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:59,480
[laughter]
223
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:01,759
Right.
224
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:06,759
Father Jack's right.
225
00:08:06,879 --> 00:08:08,480
It's a terrible song.
It really is.
226
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,600
What were we thinking?
227
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,480
Ah, it's not
not that bad, Ted.
228
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:12,639
Well, the lyrics are fine.
229
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,160
There's no problem there.
230
00:08:14,279 --> 00:08:15,639
[laughter]
231
00:08:15,759 --> 00:08:17,040
But it's a terrible tune.
232
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,720
It's just the same note
over and over again.
233
00:08:19,839 --> 00:08:21,920
Look, why don't I put
on my favorite Eurosong
234
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,199
and maybe that will cheer us up.
235
00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:25,040
Yes, that might help.
236
00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:26,480
What is it?
237
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,879
Uh, it's Nin Huugen
and the Huggen Notes.
238
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,039
It came fifth in a song
for Norway in 1976.
239
00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:35,919
[music playing]
240
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:45,360
That's not too bad, actually.
241
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:46,720
Oh, wait a minute.
That's the B-side.
242
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:47,720
I'll turn it over.
243
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,159
No.
No, no.
244
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:50,279
Leave it.
Leave it.
245
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,480
It's nice enough, isn't it?
246
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,879
Yeah.
247
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,120
If only we'd come up
with something like that.
248
00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:02,039
Dougal, I suppose
not many people
249
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:03,559
have actually heard that song.
250
00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:04,639
Suppose not.
251
00:09:04,759 --> 00:09:06,679
First time I've
heard it, anyway.
252
00:09:06,799 --> 00:09:08,639
[laughter]
253
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:13,919
Where are the band now?
254
00:09:14,039 --> 00:09:14,799
Oh God, Ted.
255
00:09:14,919 --> 00:09:16,679
It's a terrible story.
256
00:09:16,799 --> 00:09:19,919
They all died in a plane crash.
257
00:09:20,039 --> 00:09:21,960
Including everybody who
was involved in the song--
258
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:25,519
the studio engineers, the
producer, the manager.
259
00:09:25,639 --> 00:09:27,320
And the people who owned
the publishing rights?
260
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:28,200
Oh yes.
261
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,559
That's terrible.
262
00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:31,480
Dougal?
263
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,679
Yeah?
264
00:09:32,799 --> 00:09:34,440
Wouldn't it be
nice to commemorate
265
00:09:34,559 --> 00:09:37,200
all those talented people by
keeping their music alive?
266
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,120
[laughter]
267
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:39,440
What?
268
00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:41,840
Well, suppose we were
to borrow that tune
269
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,919
for "My Lovely Horse."
270
00:09:45,039 --> 00:09:47,159
It would help us out
and it would commemorate
271
00:09:47,279 --> 00:09:48,919
their memory at the same time.
272
00:09:49,039 --> 00:09:51,480
So we wouldn't just
be stealing their tune?
273
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:52,879
Oh, no.
274
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,000
You'd have to be mad to
jump to that conclusion.
275
00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:58,879
As they say, we'd just be
celebrating their memory.
276
00:09:59,000 --> 00:09:59,919
Secretly.
277
00:10:00,039 --> 00:10:01,600
[laughter]
278
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:02,919
Incidentally, don't tell anyone.
279
00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:04,080
Oh right.
280
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,759
And I suppose if
the song wins and we
281
00:10:05,879 --> 00:10:07,120
make any money out
of it, we could
282
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,399
give it to their relatives.
283
00:10:09,519 --> 00:10:11,440
Yeah.
284
00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:14,639
We'll play that by ear.
285
00:10:14,759 --> 00:10:16,519
Na, na na.
286
00:10:16,639 --> 00:10:18,840
Di, di, di, di.
287
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,039
You know, Dougal, I don't want
to jump to any conclusions
288
00:10:22,159 --> 00:10:23,639
and get us all
excited, but I think
289
00:10:23,759 --> 00:10:24,799
we're definitely going to win.
290
00:10:24,919 --> 00:10:25,679
Really?
291
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,000
Oh great.
292
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,440
There'll be lots to
think about, you know?
293
00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,960
Promotional gifts for
journalists, American tour
294
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,279
dates.
295
00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,600
Oh, and I suppose a big
fly-poster campaign.
296
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,919
Oh-- and of course,
the obligatory video.
297
00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:38,080
An obligatory video?
298
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,279
Wow!
299
00:10:40,399 --> 00:10:42,559
Are priests allowed to be
rock stars, though, Ted?
300
00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,200
Yes, there was a
lad at the seminary.
301
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:45,879
Father Benny Cake.
302
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,600
He recorded a song and it
went to number one in England.
303
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:49,919
- Really?
- Yeah.
304
00:10:50,039 --> 00:10:51,279
He didn't want people
to know he was a priest,
305
00:10:51,399 --> 00:10:53,720
so he called himself--
306
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,039
what's this he calls himself?
307
00:10:55,159 --> 00:10:57,440
Anyway, I think the song
was called "Vienna."
308
00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:59,240
[laughter]
309
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,159
And why didn't he want people
to know he was a priest, Ted?
310
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:03,759
I suppose people thought
if you were a priest,
311
00:11:03,879 --> 00:11:04,759
you were a bit uncool.
312
00:11:04,879 --> 00:11:06,879
That you were a bit of a square.
313
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,240
And then we came along.
[laughter]
314
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,240
Yeah.
315
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,720
Anyway, Dougal, get to sleep.
316
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:11,639
Sweet dreams.
317
00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:25,000
[music playing] My lovely
horse, my lovely horse,
318
00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,000
running through the field
319
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,480
[laughter]
320
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:37,919
Where are you going with your
fetlocks blowing in the wind?
321
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:42,360
I want to shower you
with sugar lumps,
322
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:46,360
and ride you over fences
323
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,799
Polish your hooves
every single day
324
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,279
and bring you to
the horse dentist
325
00:11:54,399 --> 00:11:58,759
My lovely, lovely, lovely,
horse-- my lovely horse,
326
00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:00,720
my lovely horse,
327
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:04,679
You are a pony no more
328
00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:09,159
You're roaming around
with a man on your back,
329
00:12:09,279 --> 00:12:15,120
Like a train in the night,
like a train in the night
330
00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,600
[train whistle]
331
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,200
[breathing heavily]
332
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,559
We have to lose that sax solo.
333
00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:26,000
[music playing]
334
00:12:29,039 --> 00:12:32,720
Uh, Mrs. Doyle, I think that's
enough makeup on Dougal now.
335
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:33,840
There you go.
336
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,320
[laughter]
337
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:36,759
Good man
338
00:12:36,879 --> 00:12:39,679
[laughter]
339
00:12:39,799 --> 00:12:41,440
[knock at door]
340
00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:43,559
Hello, uh, Father Crilly.
341
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,759
I'm Charles Hedges, your
producer for this evening.
342
00:12:45,879 --> 00:12:46,720
And this is--
343
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:47,639
You don't have to tell me--
344
00:12:47,759 --> 00:12:48,559
Mr. Rickwood.
345
00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:50,000
I'm delighted to meet you.
346
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,080
I thought you did
a brilliant job
347
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,519
presenting last year's show.
348
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:53,799
Oh, well, that's the
business, like, you know.
349
00:12:53,919 --> 00:12:56,080
In and out of doors,
like, and giddy-up!
350
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,360
[laughter]
351
00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,919
- Sorry?
- Like the business.
352
00:13:00,039 --> 00:13:01,320
Like in and out of
doors and giddy up!
353
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:02,480
Ah, yes!
354
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,879
[laughter]
355
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,320
On the anniversary,
let's shave a bollock.
356
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,240
Mm, mm, mm.
357
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,879
Hmm.
358
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,960
I have to say, he sounded a
lot better on last year's show.
359
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,440
Oh, once he's on
the stage, he's fine.
360
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:17,440
Ah, right.
361
00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:18,480
And do you know him a long time?
362
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,600
Yes, yes, yes.
363
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,039
We've been partners
for 10 years.
364
00:13:21,159 --> 00:13:22,320
Oh, right.
365
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:23,559
You run the production
company together.
366
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,200
No, no.
No, no.
367
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,720
He's my lover.
368
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:29,600
[laughter]
369
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,120
He-- He's quite a catch!
370
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,919
[laughter]
371
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,440
This is my partner--
372
00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:38,360
Father Dougal McGuire.
373
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,600
Not my sexual partner!
374
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,879
I mean, my partner
that I do song with.
375
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,639
Yes, well, I guessed that.
376
00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:45,240
Of course you did.
377
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:48,519
Not that there's anything
wrong with that type of thing.
378
00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:50,639
I thought the Catholic church
thought that that type of thing
379
00:13:50,759 --> 00:13:52,120
was inherently wrong.
380
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,000
Yes it does.
381
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:58,320
The whole gay thing, I suppose,
is a bit of a puzzle to us all.
382
00:13:58,440 --> 00:13:59,759
It must be fun, though.
383
00:13:59,879 --> 00:14:04,279
Not the-- not the you
know, but the nightclubs.
384
00:14:04,399 --> 00:14:07,039
And the whole rough and
tumble of homosexual activity.
385
00:14:07,159 --> 00:14:10,200
[laughter] You know, having
boyfriends when you're a man.
386
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,600
Anyway, don't mind
what the church thinks.
387
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:13,720
It used to think
the Earth was flat.
388
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,399
It's like, you know,
sometimes the Pope says
389
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:16,960
things he doesn't really mean.
You know, we all get things--
390
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,240
[laughter]
391
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,399
We all get things
wrong-- even the Pope.
392
00:14:20,519 --> 00:14:21,960
What about papal
infallibility?
393
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,279
Yes.
394
00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:25,919
[laughter]
395
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,080
Is it for everything--
396
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:27,960
the infallibility.
397
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:29,559
Do you know?
398
00:14:29,679 --> 00:14:30,840
I don't know.
399
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:31,840
Right, anyhow.
400
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,000
Nothing to do me.
401
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,639
[laughter]
402
00:14:34,759 --> 00:14:37,360
Anyway, Father, I am really
looking forward to your entry.
403
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,639
[laughter]
404
00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:40,759
The song!
Ha!
405
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:41,639
Ha.
406
00:14:41,759 --> 00:14:42,559
The song.
407
00:14:42,679 --> 00:14:44,679
Right, oh well, so am I.
408
00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:46,039
Do you think we'll win?
409
00:14:46,159 --> 00:14:46,960
It's not up to him.
410
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:48,559
It's the public who decide.
411
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:49,720
Not this year.
412
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,159
- No?
- No.
413
00:14:51,279 --> 00:14:52,559
We've decided this year
that I'll pick the winner.
414
00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:55,240
That old phone-in system
wasn't really working.
415
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:56,559
But the song the
public's chosen
416
00:14:56,679 --> 00:14:59,480
has won Eurosong
five years in a row.
417
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,600
Yes, but it's
quite complicated.
418
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:05,440
And are you looking
forward to the show?
419
00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:06,879
Oh, yes.
420
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,919
We're all thrilled and
it's a bit of a novelty,
421
00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,360
I suppose, you know.
422
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:12,440
Gosh, with us being priests.
- Well, not exactly.
423
00:15:12,559 --> 00:15:15,000
Because tonight there's a
very similar act to yours--
424
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,480
Fathers Dick Byrne and
Father Cyril MacDuff.
425
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,759
Oh, God.
426
00:15:18,879 --> 00:15:19,840
I didn't think they'd
make it this far.
427
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,440
Flip!
They'll win, Ted.
428
00:15:21,559 --> 00:15:23,720
We might as well give up now.
429
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,240
Well, that's a very
defeatist attitude, Dougal!
430
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:27,159
Actually it is.
431
00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:28,600
Sorry about that, Ted.
432
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,440
Ah, but he's right, Ted!
433
00:15:31,559 --> 00:15:32,559
Dick.
434
00:15:32,679 --> 00:15:34,519
You ready to be beaten, then?
435
00:15:34,639 --> 00:15:36,320
I'd say your song
is terrible, anyway.
436
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:37,840
Oh no, it's not.
437
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,639
It's better than your one,
anyway, Ted, you big fool!
438
00:15:39,759 --> 00:15:41,399
You take that back!
439
00:15:41,519 --> 00:15:42,639
I'll just be leaving.
440
00:15:42,759 --> 00:15:44,120
Thanks very much, Charles.
441
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,159
See you later.
442
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:46,360
Yes, thanks.
443
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,480
I'm sure we'll all
have a great time.
444
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:49,840
I will not take it back.
445
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:51,039
I bet we get a
million points and I
446
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:52,360
bet you'll get minus 7,000!
447
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,600
Oh yeah?
How much?
448
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,519
How much you bet?
449
00:15:54,639 --> 00:15:56,039
Four pounds!
450
00:15:56,159 --> 00:15:56,960
Right.
451
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:58,039
You're on!
452
00:15:58,159 --> 00:15:58,960
Hold up!
453
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,159
That's just us winning.
454
00:16:00,279 --> 00:16:01,080
I mean, obviously,
the million points
455
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,000
is a bit of an exaggeration.
456
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,480
All right, yeah.
457
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:05,759
[laughter]
458
00:16:05,879 --> 00:16:08,960
Right, so we're off
to win the contest.
459
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:11,720
Ah, seriously, Ted.
460
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,200
Even if you don't
win the contest,
461
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,559
I'm sure your song's
a very good one.
462
00:16:15,679 --> 00:16:16,720
Really?
463
00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:17,960
No!
464
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:18,960
Oh!
465
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:22,320
I really hate Father Dick Byrne!
466
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,799
[crowd murmuring]
467
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,559
- Good luck tonight, Fred.
- Ah, yes.
468
00:16:32,679 --> 00:16:34,639
[inaudible]
469
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:35,600
[laughter]
470
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:38,919
[music playing]
471
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,480
Thanks, right.
472
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,799
Let's go.
473
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:43,799
[music playing]
474
00:16:46,919 --> 00:16:49,279
ANNOUNCER: And now,
live from the Theater
475
00:16:49,399 --> 00:16:51,360
Royal, a song for Ireland.
476
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,519
And here is your
host, Fred Rickwood!
477
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,399
Hello!
478
00:16:56,519 --> 00:16:58,279
What a pro.
479
00:16:58,399 --> 00:17:00,639
[applause]
480
00:17:00,759 --> 00:17:03,200
And welcome to the
song for Ireland--
481
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,480
the contest where we
select who will represent
482
00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:08,960
Ireland in Eurosong '96.
483
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:13,039
This year, we've got a lot--
484
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,480
Look at Dick Byrne
over there showing off.
485
00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:20,119
He won't be too happy when
we win and he comes last.
486
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,079
[laughter]
487
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,359
[laughter]
488
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,319
--a long way and I know
they're eager to start.
489
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,599
[laughter]
490
00:17:32,079 --> 00:17:33,440
So, please, could
you put your hands
491
00:17:33,559 --> 00:17:35,559
together and welcome
on stage Euro
492
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,519
hopefuls from Rugged Island--
493
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:43,440
Father Dick Byrne and
father Cyril MacDuff!
494
00:17:43,559 --> 00:17:48,960
[music playing]
495
00:17:49,079 --> 00:17:57,920
When I was young, I had a dream,
496
00:17:58,039 --> 00:18:03,039
And though the dream
was very small,
497
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:08,039
It wouldn't leave me.
498
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,519
Dougal, Dougal, Dougal!
499
00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:21,440
To play the poet of a fool,
500
00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:28,400
And now you see me
501
00:18:28,519 --> 00:18:39,720
And now, the miracle is mine,
502
00:18:39,839 --> 00:18:45,160
And the war begun!
503
00:18:45,279 --> 00:18:46,640
And now--
504
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:50,279
FATHER TED:
505
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,480
I'm going for a fag.
506
00:18:54,559 --> 00:18:57,440
[whistling]
507
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,359
[music playing]
508
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:13,279
Oh God!
509
00:19:17,519 --> 00:19:18,319
Dougal!
510
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,319
We can't do the song.
511
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,000
What's up with you, Ted?
512
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:22,920
I just heard it in the lift--
they're piping us in in there.
513
00:19:23,039 --> 00:19:23,920
I heard someone whistling it!
514
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:25,160
Well, that's good, isn't it?
515
00:19:25,279 --> 00:19:26,480
Shows what a great
song it is, Ted.
516
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,000
No, no no!
They'll know we ripped it off.
517
00:19:28,119 --> 00:19:29,720
It must be more famous
than we thought.
518
00:19:29,839 --> 00:19:32,400
Oh crap, then
we'll be found out!
519
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:33,519
What do we do, Ted?
520
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,039
Why did this have
to happen to us?
521
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,960
What did we ever
do to deserve this?
522
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:45,200
(SINGING) Now, I've
nothing left but time.
523
00:19:45,319 --> 00:19:47,640
Still I re--
524
00:19:47,759 --> 00:19:49,000
Song's nearly over, Ted.
525
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:50,720
Oh no.
526
00:19:50,839 --> 00:19:56,960
I think, Dougal, we'll
have to resort to plan B.
527
00:19:57,079 --> 00:20:01,880
[music playing]
528
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,880
[applause]
529
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,799
Wonderful, wonderful,
wonderful, wonderful!
530
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,200
Something else, something else.
531
00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:19,039
And now on to our next act.
532
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,880
All the way from Craggy
Island, could you please
533
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:27,079
welcome Father Ted Crilly
and Father Dougal McGuire.
534
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:30,079
[applause]
535
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:38,799
My lovely horse running
through the field,
536
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:43,519
Where are you going with your
fetlocks blowing in the wind?
537
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,200
[laughter]
538
00:20:45,319 --> 00:20:51,559
I want to shower you with sugar
lumps and ride you over fences
539
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,480
Polish your hooves
every single day
540
00:20:54,599 --> 00:20:57,759
and send you to
the horse dentist
541
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:58,960
[laughter]
542
00:20:59,079 --> 00:21:02,799
My lovely horse,
you're a pony no more
543
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,119
[laughter]
544
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,720
Running around with
the man on your back,
545
00:21:06,839 --> 00:21:10,640
Like a train in the night,
like to train in the--
546
00:21:10,759 --> 00:21:11,880
hold on, I can get this-- night.
547
00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:29,920
[laughter]
548
00:21:30,039 --> 00:21:31,079
Well, we did it.
549
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,400
Don't ask me how, but we did it.
550
00:21:35,519 --> 00:21:37,599
And the answer is really
quite simple, Father.
551
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,240
Yours was the best song.
552
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:40,759
I suppose so.
553
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,359
But you know, I didn't really
think that the audience
554
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:43,400
were going for it.
555
00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:45,599
[inaudible]
556
00:21:50,079 --> 00:21:50,880
Yeah!
557
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:51,759
Yeah.
558
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:52,920
Cheers.
559
00:21:53,039 --> 00:21:54,440
Cheers.
560
00:21:54,559 --> 00:21:56,000
What's going on?
561
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,240
I mean, our song was clearly
miles better than theirs!
562
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:00,880
Well, we thought--
563
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,440
For God's sake, it was the
same note over and over again!
564
00:22:03,559 --> 00:22:05,559
Yes, but we admired it's--
565
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,480
Yeah, well, it had, you
know, there was the old bout
566
00:22:07,599 --> 00:22:08,400
of control, flying.
567
00:22:08,519 --> 00:22:09,799
[inaudible]
568
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:12,960
Exactly.
569
00:22:13,079 --> 00:22:14,920
Fred put it better
than I ever could.
570
00:22:15,039 --> 00:22:16,480
So there.
571
00:22:16,599 --> 00:22:18,119
Anyone would think you
wanted Ireland to lose
572
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,799
the next Eurosong contest!
573
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,599
[laughter]
574
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:25,000
Nonsense!
575
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:26,519
Why would we want to do that?
576
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,000
I don't know.
577
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:29,799
Maybe because it was costing
you too much to stage?
578
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,400
Oh oh.
Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick.
579
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:35,119
Now come on.
580
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,079
Does that really
sound plausible?
581
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,759
I think you should
just go on now
582
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,480
and count your sour
grapes before they hatch.
583
00:22:42,599 --> 00:22:45,599
Better luck next time.
584
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,279
We lost, Cyril.
585
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,720
Really?
586
00:22:49,839 --> 00:22:51,720
Come on.
587
00:22:51,839 --> 00:22:53,559
Anyway, congratulations
again, Father.
588
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,160
I'm sure you'll do very well
in the Eurosong contest.
589
00:22:56,279 --> 00:22:57,359
I think we will.
590
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,480
Europe-- here we come!
591
00:23:00,599 --> 00:23:02,400
[crowd booing]
592
00:23:02,519 --> 00:23:04,039
I think we better
sneak them out the back.
593
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,119
That's a pretty nasty
crowd out there.
594
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,559
[music playing]
595
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,359
ANNOUNCER: Thank you, Athens,
So that's a total score
596
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,799
of 103 for Belgium.
597
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,480
Ja!
598
00:23:17,599 --> 00:23:19,599
ANNOUNCER: Could we please have
the points for Ireland's entry,
599
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,200
"My Lovely Horse"?
600
00:23:21,319 --> 00:23:23,559
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
601
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,039
ANNOUNCER: Ireland, no points.
602
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,599
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
603
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,440
ANNOUNCER: Ireland, no points.
604
00:23:29,559 --> 00:23:32,319
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
605
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,480
ANNOUNCER: Ireland, no points.
606
00:23:34,599 --> 00:23:36,400
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
607
00:23:36,519 --> 00:23:38,240
ANNOUNCER: Ireland, no points.
608
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:40,960
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
609
00:23:41,079 --> 00:23:42,559
ANNOUNCER: Against, Ireland.
610
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:43,759
No points.
611
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:46,599
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
612
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:47,640
ANNOUNCER: Ireland, no.
613
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:49,279
Nothing there again.
614
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,640
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
615
00:23:51,759 --> 00:23:52,839
ANNOUNCER: Ireland no points.
616
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,839
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
617
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,799
ANNOUNCER: Yes,
that means nothing.
618
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,000
REPORTER: [non-english speech]
619
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:01,880
ANNOUNCER: Nothing.
620
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,759
[laughter]
40826
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