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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:10,199
[theme music]
2
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,439
[snoring]
3
00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:57,399
All right, Dougal, come on.
4
00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:58,560
You can't sit watching
television all night,
5
00:00:58,679 --> 00:01:01,200
it's a big waste.
6
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:02,240
Chewing gum for the eyes.
7
00:01:02,359 --> 00:01:03,200
Uh, no thanks, Ted.
8
00:01:05,879 --> 00:01:08,680
Anyway, I've got
these crisps here.
9
00:01:08,799 --> 00:01:10,319
Look, Ted, this is what I do.
10
00:01:10,439 --> 00:01:12,480
I get a cheese and onion one,
and a salt and vinegar one,
11
00:01:12,599 --> 00:01:13,640
and I eat them in the same go.
12
00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,480
That leak is
getting worse, Dougal.
13
00:01:21,599 --> 00:01:22,640
I think we'll have
to move himself,
14
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,159
and put that bucket under it.
- Right.
15
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:25,079
Fair enough, Ted.
16
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,680
I'm a happy camper.
17
00:01:32,799 --> 00:01:35,680
God Almighty, that's going
to cost a fortune to fix.
18
00:01:35,799 --> 00:01:37,000
Where are we going
to get the money?
19
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:38,280
Think, Dougal.
How can we raise some money?
20
00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,480
Hmm.
21
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,599
Yes, I know.
22
00:01:41,719 --> 00:01:42,599
Aha.
23
00:01:42,719 --> 00:01:43,799
Aha.
24
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:44,920
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
25
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:45,959
I think so, Ted.
26
00:01:46,079 --> 00:01:46,840
Yes.
27
00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:47,799
Ha-ha.
28
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,959
But now wait, I'm not sure.
29
00:01:51,079 --> 00:01:52,840
I mean it is a big
step, and where
30
00:01:52,959 --> 00:01:53,799
are we going to get the guns?
31
00:01:57,359 --> 00:01:58,920
What are you talking about?
32
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,239
Oh, wait a minute now.
33
00:02:00,359 --> 00:02:01,439
Actually, I might
have been thinking
34
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,280
about something different.
35
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,239
You thought we were going
to rob a bank, didn't you?
36
00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,079
I did, yeah.
37
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,800
Well Dougal, this isn't
a Bruce Willis film.
38
00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,159
I was thinking more along
the lines of a raffle.
39
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,599
What we have as a prize, of?
40
00:02:13,719 --> 00:02:15,439
You've got me there, Ted.
41
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,240
I think we can get something.
42
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,400
Under the rules of the diocese,
we're allowed a raffle prize
43
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:20,319
every couple of years.
44
00:02:20,439 --> 00:02:24,400
It's stopped, Ted.
45
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,879
We have to move
him out of here.
46
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:26,840
Where's the thing--
47
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the thing for waking him up?
48
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:28,599
Oh, there it is.
49
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,319
Father-- Father, it's only us.
50
00:02:39,439 --> 00:02:40,560
Get your fig!
51
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:41,800
Come on, Father.
52
00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:42,840
We're going to have
to move you again.
53
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,400
[inaudible]!
54
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,479
Don't take that, No, it's--
55
00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:48,960
Freaking water.
56
00:02:53,479 --> 00:02:55,199
And I've been
looking up the records,
57
00:02:55,319 --> 00:02:56,960
and the island hasn't
been given anything
58
00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,919
to raffle since those
two bags of coal in 1964.
59
00:03:01,039 --> 00:03:05,879
I think we're entitled under
the rules of the diocese.
60
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,599
Oh, that'd be great.
61
00:03:07,719 --> 00:03:08,840
Oh, that's wonderful.
62
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,280
Thank you very much, Your Grace.
63
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,479
Yes, thanks again.
64
00:03:11,599 --> 00:03:12,520
All right.
65
00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:13,599
Bye, Bishop Brennan.
66
00:03:13,719 --> 00:03:15,680
Bye.
67
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:16,960
No luck, then?
68
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,280
Lots of luck, Dougal.
69
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,400
We're being given a car.
70
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:24,360
A car.
71
00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:25,520
That's a brilliant prize, Ted.
72
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,159
Well, it's not that unusual.
73
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,039
Father Finnegan got one
last year, you know him?
74
00:03:29,159 --> 00:03:30,280
Don't you, Dougal?
75
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,280
The dancing priest--
dances for peace.
76
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,919
Yeah.
Is he still going?
77
00:03:35,039 --> 00:03:36,039
Oh, yes indeed.
78
00:03:36,159 --> 00:03:37,960
He danced across
America last year.
79
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,439
New York to Los Angeles.
80
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:43,560
He was mugged about
once, every 15 miles.
81
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:44,879
Great.
82
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,199
We'll have the roof
sorted out in no time.
83
00:03:46,319 --> 00:03:47,080
Did you hear that, Father?
84
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,439
MRS. DOYLE: Cup
of tea, Father's?
85
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,680
No thanks, Mrs. Doyle.
86
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,319
What do you think of her?
- Yeah, nice.
87
00:04:00,439 --> 00:04:01,560
Are you sure you
won't have a cup?
88
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:02,919
It's a prize in
our big raffle.
89
00:04:03,039 --> 00:04:03,960
Right.
90
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,360
Just the drop in
your hand, then.
91
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,360
Go on inside, Mrs. Doyle.
I'll take the tray.
92
00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:08,639
All right, Father.
93
00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:09,800
I'll put the kettle
on in case you want
94
00:04:09,919 --> 00:04:11,840
some more, once you get in.
95
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:12,719
Oh, god.
96
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,639
Ted, look at that.
97
00:04:13,759 --> 00:04:14,919
There's a dent in the car.
98
00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:16,839
What?
99
00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,279
[clamoring]
100
00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:19,720
Where's the dent?
101
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:20,800
Just there, Ted.
102
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,680
God, how did that happen?
103
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,680
It must have been when you
hit that fellow on the bike.
104
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,519
Don't mention that
to anyone, Dougal
105
00:04:26,639 --> 00:04:27,600
He was all right, anyway.
106
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,120
I saw him getting up.
107
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:30,759
It's not too bad.
108
00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:33,199
Sure you can just straighten
it up with a top of a hammer.
109
00:04:33,319 --> 00:04:34,360
Have a look in that
box over there.
110
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,759
[soft banging]
111
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:40,639
Whoops.
112
00:04:40,759 --> 00:04:41,839
Didn't mean to do that.
113
00:04:41,959 --> 00:04:42,839
I'll just tap it the other way.
114
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,680
It's no use, Ted.
115
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,360
You'll never get it
absolutely right.
116
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,160
I thought I had it there
a while ago, you know?
117
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:08,879
She was looking all right.
118
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,120
Like an idiot to
keep banging away.
119
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:12,680
You're a perfectionist, Ted.
120
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,040
You know, it's not too bad.
121
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:16,240
Let's have another look.
122
00:05:20,959 --> 00:05:22,120
No.
123
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,319
No, we can't give
that away as a prize.
124
00:05:24,439 --> 00:05:26,160
Look Ted, why don't
you sleep on it?
125
00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:27,480
See how you feel in the morning.
126
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,800
Maybe you're right.
127
00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:34,680
Oh, Jesus, we're dead.
128
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,120
Oh, God Almighty.
129
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,079
[screaming]
130
00:05:39,199 --> 00:05:40,639
Calm down there, Ted.
131
00:05:40,759 --> 00:05:41,519
Now come on.
132
00:05:41,639 --> 00:05:42,519
Calm down?
133
00:05:42,639 --> 00:05:44,040
Calm down?
134
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,600
We've just destroyed a car
that's worth seven grand.
135
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,000
Come on, Ted.
Come on.
136
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,240
It'll look much
better in the morning.
137
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:49,920
Dougal, you don't
understand, we're dead.
138
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:50,920
The bitch will kill us.
139
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:51,959
We're dead.
We're dead.
140
00:05:52,079 --> 00:05:52,720
We're dead.
We're dead.
141
00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:53,600
We're dead.
142
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:54,920
[slap]
143
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,120
Thanks, Dougal.
144
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,519
I probably needed that.
145
00:05:58,639 --> 00:06:01,759
But don't ever do it again.
146
00:06:01,879 --> 00:06:02,680
Now are we going to do?
147
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,160
We could run away.
148
00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:05,600
No, they'll just
find us again.
149
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:06,480
They always do.
150
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,399
All right.
151
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,600
What about the other
fellow that has the car--
152
00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:13,519
the Dancing Priest?
153
00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:15,120
Finnegan.
154
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,360
Yes, and this would be the same
type of car and everything.
155
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,439
How could we get
him to give it to us?
156
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:24,959
Maybe-- maybe we could
just get a lend of it.
157
00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:26,519
Ah, but when somebody
wins it in the raffle,
158
00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:29,519
they won't want to give it back.
159
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:33,720
Now Dougal, this is going
to sound very, very immoral,
160
00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:36,560
but stay with me.
161
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:41,560
What if-- what if we organized
the raffle so that we won it?
162
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,720
Then we could
bring the car back.
163
00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:46,199
Ooh.
164
00:06:46,319 --> 00:06:47,360
Ooh.
165
00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:50,040
That would be
terribly wrong, Ted.
166
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,360
I don't think we should do that.
167
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,160
It wouldn't be
cheating, really.
168
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,319
It would just-- it would
just be a case of structuring
169
00:06:55,439 --> 00:06:57,079
the raffle in such a
way, that the return
170
00:06:57,199 --> 00:07:01,040
comes to the benefactors
rather than the beneficiaries.
171
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,560
Dougal, seriously, listen.
172
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,600
If Bishop Brennan finds out
that we wrecked the car,
173
00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,480
he will kill us.
174
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:11,079
And murder is a terrible,
terrible sin, Dougal.
175
00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:13,560
So by committing
this little sin,
176
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,879
we'll actually be
saving a Bishop's soul.
177
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,160
Fair enough then, Ted.
178
00:07:25,079 --> 00:07:28,199
FATHER: Achoo.
179
00:07:28,319 --> 00:07:29,600
Come on, Father.
180
00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:31,920
We're off to see
the Dancing Priest.
181
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,399
[birds squawking]
182
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:36,399
Freaking feathered idiot.
183
00:07:36,519 --> 00:07:37,399
[screaming]
184
00:07:37,519 --> 00:07:38,519
God's sake.
185
00:07:38,639 --> 00:07:39,399
Stuck right here.
186
00:07:42,519 --> 00:07:44,480
All right, off we go.
187
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,759
[screaming]
188
00:07:55,879 --> 00:07:57,160
God look, at it.
189
00:07:57,279 --> 00:07:58,360
It's the same color and all.
190
00:07:58,480 --> 00:07:59,279
You mind Jack, here.
191
00:07:59,399 --> 00:08:00,199
I won't be a moment.
192
00:08:00,319 --> 00:08:01,439
But Ted--
193
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,360
Ted?
194
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,399
Achoo.
195
00:08:04,519 --> 00:08:08,319
[dance music playing]
196
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:13,720
Liam.
197
00:08:13,839 --> 00:08:14,720
Oh, Ted.
198
00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:16,600
Come on in, will you join me?
199
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:17,800
What?
Me dance?
200
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:18,800
Oh, no.
201
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:19,680
I'm not much of a dancer now.
202
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,120
Come Oh, come on, Ted.
203
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:22,959
Prayer isn't the only way
to praise God, you know?
204
00:08:23,079 --> 00:08:24,399
And it keeps you fit, as well.
205
00:08:24,519 --> 00:08:26,519
All right, then.
206
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:28,279
You said something
on the phone
207
00:08:28,399 --> 00:08:29,639
about taking a loan at a car.
208
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,399
Yes, you'd be doing
us a great favor.
209
00:08:31,519 --> 00:08:35,000
Oh, don't be silly,
just take care of it.
210
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,679
Don't give it away in
a raffle or something.
211
00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:37,600
Ha-ha.
212
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:38,559
Hahaha.
213
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:47,039
And somebody said they
saw you on television
214
00:08:47,159 --> 00:08:48,320
recently, in a documentary.
215
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:49,919
You were in Belfast
or something?
216
00:08:50,039 --> 00:08:51,440
That wasn't me.
217
00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:53,399
That was a younger fellow,
ripped off the idea.
218
00:08:53,519 --> 00:08:56,039
Don't like talking about him.
219
00:08:56,159 --> 00:08:57,240
Well, I'd better
be heading on.
220
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,159
Thanks again.
221
00:08:58,279 --> 00:08:59,200
Oh, no problem.
222
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,080
Bye, Ted.
223
00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,320
Bingo.
224
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,240
No luck then, Ted?
225
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,159
[soft music playing]
226
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,679
Dougal, you'll leave
a Mark on the window.
227
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,240
Are we there yet?
228
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,519
Dougal, It's a long drive,
we won't there for awhile.
229
00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:32,080
Yes, everything's fine now.
230
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,919
Father Tedcules saves
the day, once again.
231
00:09:35,039 --> 00:09:36,159
How are you doing
back there, Father?
232
00:09:36,279 --> 00:09:39,559
Achoo.
233
00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,120
What have you been
drinking, Father?
234
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,440
It's like acid.
235
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:44,960
Here, try this.
This will clear you up.
236
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,519
Aren't cars great though, Ted?
237
00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:53,519
Look, maybe you should
have a rest, Dougal.
238
00:09:53,639 --> 00:09:55,399
It's a long drive, you
have a little sleep.
239
00:09:55,519 --> 00:09:56,720
All righto, Ted.
240
00:09:59,759 --> 00:10:02,679
RADIO HOST 1: And this is Lazlo
St. Pierre, in the night shift,
241
00:10:02,799 --> 00:10:05,600
taking you through
until three AM.
242
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:06,639
RADIO HOST 2: Cock-a-doodle-do.
243
00:10:06,759 --> 00:10:08,200
Good morning, listeners.
244
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,639
This is John Morgan, on the
John Morgan morning show.
245
00:10:10,759 --> 00:10:12,480
It's a beautiful
day, so let's start
246
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,519
off with some Motown magic.
247
00:10:14,639 --> 00:10:18,039
[music playing]
248
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:29,600
Odd.
249
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,440
I almost drifted off
for a moment there.
250
00:10:31,559 --> 00:10:33,879
Oh, yes, we're nearly home.
251
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:38,320
[music playing]
252
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:39,320
The raffle.
253
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,799
Let's go through it again.
254
00:10:40,919 --> 00:10:42,480
I filled the hat with
a load of tickets,
255
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,000
all with the same
number on them, say 11.
256
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,559
11, two ones.
257
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:47,840
That's easy to remember, Ted.
258
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,440
And then when
I'm doing the draw,
259
00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:51,559
we'll make sure that
you have that number.
260
00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:52,799
Right.
261
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,399
So we won't have
to cheat at all.
262
00:10:58,799 --> 00:11:01,039
Well that's actually how
we're cheating, Dougal.
263
00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:02,879
All right, OK.
264
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,879
OK, so let me get this straight,
you'll be wearing the hat?
265
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:10,200
No.
No, I won't be wearing any hats.
266
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:11,879
The tickets will be in the hat.
267
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,320
Gotcha.
268
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,639
But you'll put on the hat
to give me the signal?
269
00:11:14,759 --> 00:11:17,639
I won't be giving you
any signals, Dougal.
270
00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:20,399
I'll just pull out your ticket
and you say, that's my number,
271
00:11:20,519 --> 00:11:21,559
and come up and
collect the prize.
272
00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:22,600
There's a prize, Ted?
273
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:23,519
What is it?
274
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:24,600
The car.
275
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:25,480
Oh, right.
276
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,639
Yeah.
277
00:11:26,759 --> 00:11:28,919
Here's the
sandwiches for tonight.
278
00:11:29,039 --> 00:11:30,960
Oh, wait a minute.
279
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,080
I forgot to do my test.
280
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,759
What test is that, Mrs. Doyle?
281
00:11:33,879 --> 00:11:36,240
Well, I select a sandwich
at random and try it.
282
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,960
And if it doesn't
meet my standards,
283
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,080
I put the lot of
them in the bin.
284
00:12:02,279 --> 00:12:03,080
They're fine.
285
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,000
Right.
286
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,159
So are we all sorted?
287
00:12:11,279 --> 00:12:13,440
Oh, rearing to go, Ted.
288
00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:14,919
Who's doing the disco?
289
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:16,279
Father Billy O'dwyer.
290
00:12:16,399 --> 00:12:19,320
The Spin Master, great.
291
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,000
Actually, I can't
wait for tonight.
292
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:23,320
I bet I sell a load of tickets.
293
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,840
I bet I sell more
than you do, Ted.
294
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,279
Do you know what
this is a bit like?
295
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,080
It's a bit like The Sting,
and I'm Robert Redford
296
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:30,960
and you're Paul Newman.
297
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:45,720
FATHER BILLY O'DWYER:
Testing 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2.
298
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:46,879
Testing, testing, testing--
299
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:47,840
Ground control,
to the Spin Master.
300
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,039
Oh, Ted.
301
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:49,960
How are you?
302
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:51,159
Fine, fine.
303
00:12:51,279 --> 00:12:52,200
God, it's like NASA.
304
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:53,559
How do you keep track of it all?
305
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:55,360
Well Oh, I'm sure it's
quite simple, really.
306
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,159
You see, here we have the two
turntables, which I control
307
00:12:58,279 --> 00:12:59,840
from the mixing desk, here.
308
00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,120
This switch means you
can flip between records
309
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,960
if you want to get a bit of
an old jam going, you know?
310
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,440
Well, I tell you I can't wait.
311
00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:07,840
What records have
you got for us?
312
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,039
Records?
313
00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:10,480
A bit of the Bee
Gees, I supposed.
314
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,679
Get them all jumping.
315
00:13:11,799 --> 00:13:12,799
Oh, god.
316
00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:14,559
Billy, what's up with you?
317
00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:15,759
I forgot the records, Ted.
318
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:16,759
What?
319
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,759
Have you not got any records?
320
00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:19,679
Just a second.
321
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,200
Hold on a second.
322
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,519
I might have one, but I'll
have one out in the car.
323
00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:26,200
Cup of tea, Father?
324
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,600
Mrs. Doyle, how would you
like to be the first to buy
325
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:29,480
a raffle ticket?
326
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,279
Oh, I'd love to, Father.
327
00:13:31,399 --> 00:13:34,320
I haven't taken part in
a raffle in donkey's years.
328
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,039
And I think I might be in
with a great chance today.
329
00:13:37,159 --> 00:13:38,039
Shut up, Dougal.
330
00:13:38,159 --> 00:13:39,000
That's good.
331
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:40,000
Now, how many will you take?
332
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,039
- Just the one.
- Ha.
333
00:13:41,159 --> 00:13:41,960
All right.
334
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,159
I only need one.
335
00:13:43,279 --> 00:13:44,799
My lucky number
never lets me down.
336
00:13:44,919 --> 00:13:46,039
Oh, I see.
Which one is that?
337
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,519
- 11.
- What?
338
00:13:47,639 --> 00:13:48,519
11.
339
00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:50,519
It's always been lucky for me.
340
00:13:50,639 --> 00:13:52,519
Well, we're out of 11's.
341
00:13:52,639 --> 00:13:53,799
I thought I was
your first customer?
342
00:13:53,919 --> 00:13:56,039
Yes, yes.
343
00:13:56,159 --> 00:13:58,039
But I think this one
came without 11's.
344
00:13:58,159 --> 00:14:00,360
I'll tell you what, I'll give
you a number 10 and a number 1,
345
00:14:00,480 --> 00:14:01,519
and that'll add up to 11.
346
00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:02,519
And you can have
them both for 50 p.
347
00:14:02,639 --> 00:14:03,840
No, I don't think so, Father.
348
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,399
I'd better have my money back.
349
00:14:05,519 --> 00:14:07,240
Mrs. Doyle, it's for charity.
350
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,120
It's for the roof.
351
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,799
Sorry, Father.
352
00:14:10,919 --> 00:14:12,840
Hell of a woman.
353
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,000
Now-- wonder where
Jack's got to.
354
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,039
Oh, he's with Father Purcell.
355
00:14:15,159 --> 00:14:16,399
Oh, god.
356
00:14:16,519 --> 00:14:17,720
I better go and rescue
him, he'll be going mad.
357
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,000
No, he's fine.
They're just having a chat.
358
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,240
But Dougal,
Purcell is the most
359
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,799
boring priest in the world.
360
00:14:21,919 --> 00:14:23,480
He was working in
Nigeria a few years ago
361
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,879
and he woke up one
morning to find
362
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,200
that everyone in the
village had enough of him
363
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,600
and gone off in a big boat.
364
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,759
Sank after a mile, they
were eaten by alligators.
365
00:14:29,879 --> 00:14:31,519
Anyway, I better go.
366
00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:35,360
[knocking]
367
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:37,720
We run the gas
off the electricity,
368
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:42,759
and the electricity off the gas,
and we save 200 pounds a year.
369
00:14:42,879 --> 00:14:44,679
But then a few weeks later--
370
00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:46,759
god, I'll never forget it now.
371
00:14:46,879 --> 00:14:48,759
We got a new boiler.
372
00:14:48,879 --> 00:14:50,320
Are you all right
there, Father's?
373
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,279
Help me.
374
00:14:51,399 --> 00:14:52,240
Ah.
375
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,879
Hello, Ted.
376
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,559
I was just telling Father Jack
there, about the thing there
377
00:14:55,679 --> 00:14:56,519
last year.
378
00:14:56,639 --> 00:14:57,440
How did you fare with yours?
379
00:14:57,559 --> 00:14:58,679
I don't know what--
380
00:14:58,799 --> 00:15:01,000
Because you know
they have no morals
381
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,159
and no respect for human life.
382
00:15:03,279 --> 00:15:06,200
But what they do have-- and
no one can deny this now.
383
00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:10,360
They have the finest collection
of boilers in the world,
384
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:11,919
and I include Canada in that.
385
00:15:12,039 --> 00:15:13,360
Fine.
386
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,399
Actually, I just want to
borrow Jack for a moment.
387
00:15:15,519 --> 00:15:18,360
Thank Christ!
388
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,279
Father?
Father?
389
00:15:19,399 --> 00:15:20,720
Oh, god.
390
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:21,759
I remember the first time
I saw that boiler now.
391
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:23,240
Beautiful.
392
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:24,799
I don't suppose you'd like
to buy a ticket, Father?
393
00:15:24,919 --> 00:15:26,440
Oh, did you get
them especially, Ted?
394
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:28,759
Because you know you can buy
them down the shop, you know?
395
00:15:28,879 --> 00:15:31,120
Any number you like now.
396
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:37,960
1, 7, 20, 112.
397
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,200
112?
398
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,879
All the way up to
409, I think it is.
399
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,559
And if you want more
they send off for them
400
00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:46,759
and you send them back
in an envelope now.
401
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:47,879
You know?
402
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,080
Normal kind of thing now.
403
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,600
Rectangular, four
corners, you know?
404
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,000
That's the way I
like them, anyway.
405
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,240
The old envelopes, oh, yes.
406
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,120
No round envelopes for me.
407
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,480
No way, hose.
408
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,840
FATHER PURCELL: Sid Vicious,
now that was a grand name,
409
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,120
wasn't it?
410
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:04,759
He had trouble with the drugs.
411
00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:06,919
Oh.
412
00:16:07,039 --> 00:16:09,720
Yes.
413
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,440
Tickets for the
raffle anybody?
414
00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:12,840
Anybody left now
that hasn't bought
415
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,080
a ticket, come over here.
416
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,440
Thank you very much.
417
00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:16,440
Thank you.
418
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,840
Sorry about the wait, folks.
419
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,639
Bit of trouble
with the old disco.
420
00:16:20,759 --> 00:16:22,759
Luckily though, I've
got a few old pals
421
00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:24,360
to do a couple of numbers.
422
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,360
Please welcome Father
Tiernan, Father Rafter, Father
423
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:31,279
Cafferty, and Father Leonard.
424
00:16:31,399 --> 00:16:35,120
[music playing]
425
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,320
Billy, where have you been?
426
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,720
Oh, Ted.
427
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,840
Found the record.
428
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,759
All right, all right,
how about the tickets?
429
00:16:46,879 --> 00:16:48,279
50 p each, or
four for a pound.
430
00:16:48,399 --> 00:16:49,960
Gambling, Ted.
431
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:53,519
Loaned me father, and me
grandfather, both of them, Ted.
432
00:16:53,639 --> 00:16:55,120
Died without a
penny to their name.
433
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,039
Oh, won't happen to me, though.
434
00:16:57,159 --> 00:16:58,000
God, it's just for charity.
435
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,720
It's not really gambling.
436
00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:00,799
Yeah, all right then.
437
00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:01,840
Go ahead.
438
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,080
Great.
How many will you take?
439
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:03,960
2000.
440
00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:06,359
2000?
441
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:07,799
Come on there, look
it, I'll do your check.
442
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,240
No, I can't take it.
443
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:10,160
That's too much.
444
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,680
I can handle it, Ted.
445
00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:13,240
I have a few
friends who'll lend
446
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:14,880
me cash, from time to time.
447
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:15,759
No.
448
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,279
No, look, you keep that.
449
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,839
You shouldn't be throwing
around that kind of money.
450
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,680
Ted, I need another ticket
book, this one's run out.
451
00:17:20,799 --> 00:17:21,880
Already?
452
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,119
How could you have
sold out already?
453
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,640
Don't ask me, Ted.
454
00:17:24,759 --> 00:17:27,759
I can hardly keep a
straight face back there.
455
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,200
What was it, Billy?
456
00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:32,759
2000.
457
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,759
[music playing]
458
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,759
Need more drinks.
459
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:52,720
Car.
460
00:18:13,319 --> 00:18:14,240
Wait, let's go.
461
00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:15,119
You know what to do?
462
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,480
Thunderbird's are go, Ted.
463
00:18:16,599 --> 00:18:17,359
OK, come on.
464
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,079
Thank you, Father Billy.
465
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,559
And now let's get on to the
important stuff, the raffle.
466
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,880
The last raffle I was at
it was very interesting,
467
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,240
because the people who ran
the raffle, actually won it.
468
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:37,359
So it's not unusual for that
to happen time and again.
469
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:38,799
Boys.
470
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:43,880
OK, and the winning
number is number 11.
471
00:18:48,839 --> 00:18:50,720
Number 11.
472
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:56,519
Number 11.
473
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:59,960
If anyone has that number,
will they come up onstage?
474
00:19:00,079 --> 00:19:01,319
What's that you
say, Father McGuire?
475
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,960
You have the winning number?
476
00:19:03,079 --> 00:19:04,000
What?
477
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:05,960
Oh, well let's
have a big round
478
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:08,119
of applause for our very
own, Father Dougal McGuire.
479
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,920
God almighty, Dougal.
480
00:19:14,039 --> 00:19:14,839
What are you doing?
481
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,119
Sorry, Ted.
482
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,279
I was looking at the
ticket upside down.
483
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:21,759
Congratulations
to Father Dougal.
484
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,359
Anyway, what a fantastic
evening we've had.
485
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,240
We've raised enough
money to repair the roof
486
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,079
and we've had a great time.
487
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,319
So let me just thank you
all now, for coming along.
488
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:34,039
And ask you to stand
for our national anthem.
489
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,960
[music playing]
490
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:52,720
For god's sake, I'll have
the money for you next week.
491
00:19:52,839 --> 00:19:54,000
Please.
492
00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:55,519
Please, one more chance,
that's all I ask.
493
00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,880
Please, please.
494
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,799
Oh, Touch very much Mrs. Doyle.
495
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,920
For god's sake, have some pity.
I'm a priest.
496
00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:07,759
Oh, they have you
every way, you know?
497
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:11,200
I was in the AA there,
you know, for a while.
498
00:20:11,319 --> 00:20:14,079
And the insurance
was very expensive.
499
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,559
All right.
500
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,039
I had to crash the car,
just to get the money back.
501
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,680
You know?
502
00:20:19,799 --> 00:20:22,559
And then they had witnesses,
who said they'd seen me steer
503
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,960
it towards the wall, you know?
504
00:20:25,079 --> 00:20:28,599
There was talk of me
going to jail for a while.
505
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:29,480
All right, yourself.
506
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,599
What can I do for
you, Mrs. Doyle?
507
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,279
Terrible news.
508
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,400
It's Father Finnegan,
he's had a heart attack.
509
00:20:40,519 --> 00:20:42,000
No.
510
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,480
The doctors warned him to
cause a time to 12 hours a day,
511
00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:47,640
but he just couldn't
stop dancing.
512
00:20:47,759 --> 00:20:49,240
That's terrible news.
513
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:50,640
What's up, Ted?
514
00:20:50,759 --> 00:20:52,599
It's Father Finnegan,
he's had a heart attack.
515
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,680
No.
516
00:20:53,799 --> 00:20:54,720
Are there any more chip sticks?
517
00:20:58,519 --> 00:21:00,680
Does that mean we can
keep the car, Ted?
518
00:21:00,799 --> 00:21:02,400
Dougal, that's a
terrible thing to say.
519
00:21:02,519 --> 00:21:03,640
The man has just--
oh, wait a second.
520
00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:05,960
You're right, we can.
521
00:21:06,079 --> 00:21:07,480
[grunting]
522
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:09,680
Father?
523
00:21:09,799 --> 00:21:11,480
Freak off.
524
00:21:11,599 --> 00:21:13,960
Father, where did you
get the air freshener?
525
00:21:14,079 --> 00:21:16,480
- Car!
- Oh, god.
526
00:21:16,599 --> 00:21:18,079
Drive the car.
527
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,799
Not the new car.
528
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:23,240
Tell me the truth,
have you been drinking?
529
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,640
Yes.
530
00:21:25,759 --> 00:21:28,279
Tell me from the beginning,
where did you drive?
531
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:34,640
Shops, drink,
corner saps got out.
532
00:21:34,759 --> 00:21:35,640
Talk.
533
00:21:35,759 --> 00:21:38,279
Shock?
534
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,240
Two trucks.
535
00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:41,759
Let me take a look.
536
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,079
Maybe there's something
we can salvage.
537
00:21:49,759 --> 00:21:51,480
It's not that bad, Ted.
538
00:21:51,599 --> 00:21:52,839
Yes.
539
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,000
God, I thought it would
be much worse than that.
540
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,160
Oh, bollocks.
541
00:22:04,799 --> 00:22:06,400
Dougal, how is
this not that bad?
542
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,240
Oh well, at least you still have
the raffle money for the roof.
543
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,119
Please, just give me 24 hours.
544
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,000
Please.
545
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:18,960
[dial tone]
546
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,880
NEWSCASTER: So because
of that low pressure,
547
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,240
we'll probably be seeing a lot
more rain, at least until July.
548
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:35,599
Or possibly, until August.
549
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,079
God, almighty.
550
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,759
Imagine anyone
being so dishonest,
551
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,880
as to steal raffle
money from a priest.
552
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,359
Well now, the raffle
was rigged, Ted.
553
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,519
I suppose it'll be all right
as long as the tree doesn't
554
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:53,599
fall to the roof, or something.
555
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,440
[thunder crashing]
556
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,279
For a moment
there, I thought--
557
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,039
[crashing]
558
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,559
This is a piece of advice
my father gave to me.
559
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,279
Now this not only
refers to lagging,
560
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,720
but all forms of insulation.
561
00:23:17,839 --> 00:23:19,720
He said, don't ever--
562
00:23:19,839 --> 00:23:20,759
No.
No, wait.
563
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:21,680
No.
564
00:23:21,799 --> 00:23:23,799
It was always-- always--
565
00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,559
Always rem-- no, no--
Never.
566
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:28,240
Oh, I've forgotten.
567
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:29,400
Never mind.
568
00:23:29,519 --> 00:23:30,680
What's your favorite
humming noise?
569
00:23:33,559 --> 00:23:35,920
Would it be, hmm?
570
00:23:36,039 --> 00:23:39,359
Would it be, mhm.
571
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,680
The first one there, now
that's the sound of a fridge.
572
00:23:42,799 --> 00:23:44,400
The second one--
second one, that's
573
00:23:44,519 --> 00:23:47,039
the sound of a man humming.
574
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:48,799
You never hear a woman humming.
575
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:54,960
I knew a woman once, but
she died soon afterwards.
576
00:23:55,079 --> 00:23:56,880
Now, if you push me to
it, I'd have to say,
577
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,720
my favorite color
was great gray.
578
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:00,960
No, blue.
579
00:24:01,079 --> 00:24:02,839
A soft blue, with
a hint of gray.
580
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:03,920
No, orange.
581
00:24:04,039 --> 00:24:05,240
Orange, that's it.
582
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:06,759
Orange.
583
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,240
I remem-- I have an extension
put on the house now.
584
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:13,319
And I put it on the extension,
so the house is in a circle.
585
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,240
Now, you see?
39493
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