Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:08,720
[music playing]
2
00:00:33,079 --> 00:00:34,960
[sound of bomb dropping]
3
00:00:35,079 --> 00:00:42,439
[explosion]
4
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,200
Now Tom, this
is the first time
5
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,039
you'll have been trusted
with such a large consignment
6
00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:47,200
of raw sewage.
7
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:48,399
Are you sure you'll
be all right?
8
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:49,439
Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,039
Don't be worried
about me at all.
10
00:00:51,159 --> 00:00:53,560
Remember, Tom, this is the
button that opens the doors,
11
00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,880
and this is the button that
makes the sewage shoot out.
12
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,200
This one's for the doors and
this one shoves the stuff out,
13
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,039
not the other way around.
14
00:01:01,159 --> 00:01:03,359
Right you are, yeah.
15
00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:05,840
Good luck, son.
16
00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:19,239
[truck engine starting]
17
00:01:19,359 --> 00:01:22,079
July the 19th.
18
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,840
Why does that strike
me as important?
19
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:24,760
Yes.
20
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,280
July 19th, I wouldn't know,
Ted, you big bollocks.
21
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:36,840
I'm sorry?
22
00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:38,519
I said, I wouldn't know,
Ted, you big bollocks.
23
00:01:41,439 --> 00:01:42,480
Have you been
reading those Roddy
24
00:01:42,599 --> 00:01:43,640
Doyle books again, Dougal?
25
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,480
I have, yeah, Ted,
you big dog shite.
26
00:01:50,599 --> 00:01:51,920
Yes, well, that's
all very well.
27
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,640
But you have to remember,
they're just stories.
28
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,439
Normal people like us don't
use that type of language.
29
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,200
Remember this is the real world.
30
00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,280
Oh, you're right there, Ted.
31
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,319
Anyway, any idea why July the
19th should be so important?
32
00:02:05,439 --> 00:02:07,200
Would that be the
day the Ice Age ended?
33
00:02:10,759 --> 00:02:12,080
No, Dougal.
34
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:15,319
We can't be that precise
about the Ice Age.
35
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:16,280
I'll look it up in the diary.
36
00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:27,479
July 19th-- on this day,
Galway liberated from Indians,
37
00:02:27,599 --> 00:02:29,080
and Marathon become Snickers.
38
00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:34,439
Ah ha, Ted, Ice Age ends.
39
00:02:38,479 --> 00:02:40,120
Time for tea, Fathers.
40
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,479
Mrs. Doyle, does
anything strike you as
41
00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:43,360
important about July the 19th?
42
00:02:43,479 --> 00:02:45,479
It doesn't matter
what day it is, Father.
43
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,520
There's always time
for a nice cup of tea.
44
00:02:48,639 --> 00:02:50,280
I'm sure, didn't
our Lord Himself
45
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,680
on the cross pause
for a nice cup of tea
46
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,360
before giving himself
up for the world?
47
00:02:55,479 --> 00:02:57,919
No, he didn't, Mrs. Doyle.
48
00:02:58,039 --> 00:03:01,039
Whatever equivalent they had
for tea in those days, cake,
49
00:03:01,159 --> 00:03:02,319
or whatever.
50
00:03:02,439 --> 00:03:05,800
And speaking of
cake, I have cake.
51
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,400
I'm fine for cake, Mrs. Doyle.
52
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,919
Are you sure, father?
53
00:03:10,039 --> 00:03:13,159
There's cocaine in it.
54
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,639
There's what?
55
00:03:15,759 --> 00:03:18,800
Oh, no, not cocaine--
what am I on about?
56
00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:24,000
No, I meant-- what you
call them, raisins.
57
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,759
Right.
58
00:03:25,879 --> 00:03:27,199
I won't, thanks.
59
00:03:27,319 --> 00:03:29,840
Ah, you will.
60
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,360
See, it's only small.
61
00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,280
It's just a tiny little cake.
62
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,800
You won't even feel it going in.
63
00:03:34,919 --> 00:03:36,479
You won't even know
you're eating it.
64
00:03:36,599 --> 00:03:38,960
No, I will know I'm
eating it, Mrs. Doyle.
65
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,960
No, you won't.
You look at the size of it.
66
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,639
It's hardly even a cake.
67
00:03:42,759 --> 00:03:45,080
It's a micro-cake.
68
00:03:45,199 --> 00:03:46,840
Mrs. Doyle, I really
won't have any cake.
69
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,080
Ah, come on now.
70
00:03:48,199 --> 00:03:51,840
It's got raisins,
cherries, cinnamon--
71
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,800
- Cinnamon?
- Oh, yes.
72
00:03:53,919 --> 00:03:55,319
Well, actually,
I do love cinnamon.
73
00:03:55,439 --> 00:03:56,680
OK, Mrs. Doyle, what the heck?
74
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:57,560
I'll have one.
75
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:58,800
Great!
76
00:03:58,919 --> 00:03:59,759
No!
77
00:03:59,879 --> 00:04:02,120
No, Father, I'm forcing you.
78
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,520
No, no, you're not.
79
00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:06,199
Really, I love cinnamon.
80
00:04:06,319 --> 00:04:08,120
No, no, you're
just being polite.
81
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,000
But if you don't want
any, all you have to do
82
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:14,240
is say no, just that
one little word, no.
83
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,879
It's a lovely word our Lord
gave us to use here on Earth
84
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,600
when we don't want any cake.
85
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,720
Yes, but just this
once, I'd actually
86
00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,000
love some cake, Mrs. Doyle.
87
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,639
Well, you can't have any!
88
00:04:23,759 --> 00:04:25,519
I want cake!
89
00:04:25,639 --> 00:04:28,639
No, no, I'm just going
out to have these destroyed.
90
00:04:28,759 --> 00:04:30,040
I'm sorry about that.
91
00:04:32,959 --> 00:04:35,879
Anyway, this day thing
is bothering me now.
92
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,759
July 19th-- is there something
we always do on July the 19th?
93
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:39,759
MAN (FROM OTHER ROOM): Freeze!
94
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,839
Is this something
to do with Jack?
95
00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,639
Maybe.
Oh, God.
96
00:04:46,759 --> 00:04:47,600
It's not his bath is it?
97
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,480
Oh, no, Ted, no.
98
00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:49,879
It couldn't be.
99
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,000
No, wait, wait.
Calm down.
100
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:51,879
Wait!
101
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,120
He's just had his bath.
102
00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:54,519
Remember, just before Christmas.
103
00:04:54,639 --> 00:04:55,680
Oh, thank God for that.
104
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,480
Oh, God Almighty.
105
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,279
Oh.
- You OK?
106
00:05:00,399 --> 00:05:02,519
Oh, I think so.
107
00:05:02,639 --> 00:05:03,920
So what can it be?
108
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:09,079
Ah ha.
109
00:05:09,199 --> 00:05:09,959
Holiday.
110
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:16,879
Come on, Dougal.
111
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,360
We'd better get moving.
112
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,279
Where are we
going holidays, Ted?
113
00:05:23,399 --> 00:05:24,560
God, I don't know.
114
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:25,600
Pearson's?
115
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,040
Pearson's?
116
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,639
No, Mr. Pearson doesn't
really like people staying
117
00:05:28,759 --> 00:05:29,639
with him on their holidays.
118
00:05:29,759 --> 00:05:31,319
It's not actually a guest house.
119
00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:32,600
Is it not?
120
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,279
No, didn't you
remember the big argument
121
00:05:34,399 --> 00:05:36,399
we had with him last year when
we tried to stay a second week?
122
00:05:36,519 --> 00:05:37,279
Wait.
123
00:05:37,399 --> 00:05:38,399
Do you know what we do?
124
00:05:38,519 --> 00:05:39,759
Father O'Roarke
has that caravan.
125
00:05:39,879 --> 00:05:41,439
And he said we could use
it anytime we wanted.
126
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:42,839
Oh, no, Ted.
127
00:05:42,959 --> 00:05:44,240
No, not again-- it's
very small, that caravan.
128
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,439
No, no, he's got a new one.
129
00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:46,720
Apparently, it's twice as big.
130
00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:47,720
Let's go.
131
00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:53,160
[car engine starting]
132
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:55,120
He said it was
the one at the end.
133
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:56,079
There it is, Ted, look!
134
00:05:56,199 --> 00:05:57,000
It's huge!
135
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:57,920
Calm down.
136
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:58,879
Will you?
137
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,000
We're here, Father.
138
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,680
Eggnog.
139
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:06,000
I think it's the best
caravan in the whole world.
140
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,160
Dougal, where's the trailer
with all the stuff in it?
141
00:06:14,439 --> 00:06:16,399
Next thing you'll be telling me
you didn't lock the front door.
142
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,480
Oh, Ted, come on.
143
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,959
Great!
144
00:06:23,079 --> 00:06:25,120
In a minute,
Father, I promise you.
145
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:26,600
This is great, isn't it, Ted?
146
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,079
Telly and all.
147
00:06:29,199 --> 00:06:31,120
This is what it's all about.
148
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,079
Wait a second.
149
00:06:32,199 --> 00:06:33,360
You got to do my back.
150
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,160
I'm wrinkling up
like a raisin in there.
151
00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:36,439
I'll be back in a sec.
152
00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,240
Father Ted Crilly.
153
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:01,959
Craggy Island, Rocket
House, Craggy Island.
154
00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:06,079
That's C-R-A-G-G-Y Island.
155
00:07:06,199 --> 00:07:09,279
Honestly, officer, I
can't apologize enough.
156
00:07:09,399 --> 00:07:12,319
God, that was so embarrassing.
157
00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:16,079
Ted, if that's not
our one, which one is?
158
00:07:16,199 --> 00:07:22,959
[brakes squeaking]
159
00:07:23,079 --> 00:07:24,519
So this is great.
160
00:07:24,639 --> 00:07:26,120
And you know, it is bigger
than last year's one.
161
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,839
What'll we do first, Ted?
162
00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:33,680
Well, we'll take
it easy for a while.
163
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:35,040
I think we should,
you know, just get
164
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,000
settled into the old caravan.
165
00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,560
Right, that's enough of that.
166
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,519
Where will we go?
167
00:07:44,639 --> 00:07:47,120
Oh, here is a booklet, Ted.
168
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,639
Places of interest--
169
00:07:49,759 --> 00:07:53,519
St. Kevin's dump, sounds good.
170
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,240
The magic road, oh.
171
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,319
Ooh.
172
00:07:57,439 --> 00:08:00,319
Two places of interest.
173
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,199
What's the magic road, Ted?
174
00:08:02,319 --> 00:08:04,040
It's one of those
bizarre natural wonders
175
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,079
where everything's gone haywire
and nothing works the way
176
00:08:06,199 --> 00:08:07,519
it's supposed to.
177
00:08:07,639 --> 00:08:11,399
It's a bit like you,
Dougal, except it's a road.
178
00:08:11,519 --> 00:08:12,560
I still don't understand.
179
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,000
It's a kind of a mad road?
180
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,920
Yes, it's what's called
a strange phenomenon.
181
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:17,920
If you stopped a car on it
and took off the handbrake,
182
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,680
it would roll uphill, and
water would flow up it.
183
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,040
That's nearly as
mad as that thing
184
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,600
you told me about the
loaves and the fishes.
185
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,920
No, Dougal, that's not mad.
186
00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:30,399
That's when our Lord got
just one or two bits of food,
187
00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:32,039
and turned it into a
whole pile of food,
188
00:08:32,159 --> 00:08:33,759
and everyone had it for dinner.
189
00:08:33,879 --> 00:08:36,559
God, he was
fantastic, wasn't he?
190
00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,679
He's brilliant.
191
00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,399
Father Jack, do you
have any preferences?
192
00:08:41,519 --> 00:08:42,879
Holiday!
193
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,480
Yes, we're on holiday.
194
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,279
Would you like to go anywhere?
195
00:08:46,399 --> 00:08:47,440
What?
196
00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:49,679
Would you like
to go somewhere?
197
00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:51,879
Who are you?
198
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,440
I was just asking.
199
00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:55,399
Would you like to go
somewhere now that we're here?
200
00:08:55,519 --> 00:08:57,159
Would you like to go
for a lovely walk?
201
00:08:57,279 --> 00:08:58,600
I like cake.
202
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,080
Yes.
203
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,519
I think I'll just stop
talking to Father Jack now.
204
00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:03,840
Where am I?
205
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,279
What's that thing there?
206
00:09:06,399 --> 00:09:09,600
Are those my feet?
207
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,159
God, let's just
get him to sleep,
208
00:09:11,279 --> 00:09:12,799
and we'll head off ourselves.
209
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:16,879
OK, Father, into your box.
210
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:17,879
Arse!
211
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,360
Girls!
212
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,799
Eh--
213
00:09:21,919 --> 00:09:24,240
OK, boss, let's go
look for the Magic Road.
214
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,039
The holiday starts here, Dougal.
215
00:09:26,159 --> 00:09:32,440
[torrential downpour]
216
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:33,320
Come on.
217
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,759
Let's play Scrabble.
218
00:09:35,879 --> 00:09:38,240
Did you bring the
Travel Scrabble, Dougal?
219
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:41,039
I brought the normal Scrabble
and the Travel Scrabble, Ted.
220
00:09:41,159 --> 00:09:42,919
The Travel Scrabble for
when we were traveling,
221
00:09:43,039 --> 00:09:45,720
and the normal Scrabble
for when we arrived.
222
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,320
Good man.
223
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:48,960
Oh, no, wait a minute.
224
00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,039
Now that I think of it, I
didn't bring either of them.
225
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:52,919
Right.
226
00:09:53,039 --> 00:09:55,840
God, I'm an awful idiot.
227
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,559
So what'll we do for
the next two weeks.
228
00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:01,799
Well, we'll put on the kettle.
229
00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:03,679
Yeah, go on.
230
00:10:03,799 --> 00:10:08,320
[kettle roaring]
231
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,559
Must be one of the ones
that clicks off automatically.
232
00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:11,440
Yes.
233
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,559
Bit of steam there, huh?
234
00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:19,279
Incidentally, did you
bring any teabags?
235
00:10:19,399 --> 00:10:21,360
No.
236
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,279
Right.
237
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,840
Kettle's boiling there, Ted.
238
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,200
Yeah.
239
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:33,360
Will I put more water
in and turn it on again?
240
00:10:36,879 --> 00:10:38,799
No, I liked it
best the first time.
241
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,159
Maybe we could turn it on
without putting any water
242
00:10:43,279 --> 00:10:46,399
in at all, see what happens.
243
00:10:46,519 --> 00:10:48,600
I don't think you should do
that, as it would just blow up,
244
00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,399
and you'd be picking lumps
of metal out of your face
245
00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:52,399
for the next year and a half.
246
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,639
You'd get big red blotches
and puffy fish lips
247
00:10:54,759 --> 00:10:57,440
bigger than the
rest of your face.
248
00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:59,840
Like Father Bigly.
249
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,799
Exactly like Father Bigly.
250
00:11:01,919 --> 00:11:03,120
Maybe that's what
happened to him.
251
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:14,960
96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
252
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,919
Coming, ready or not.
253
00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:24,279
Found you.
254
00:11:24,399 --> 00:11:26,240
Aww!
255
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:27,240
Your go.
256
00:11:30,799 --> 00:11:38,279
One, two, three,
four, five, six.
257
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:46,799
OK, one last time,
these are small.
258
00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:49,679
But the ones out
there are far away--
259
00:11:57,759 --> 00:12:02,720
small, far away.
260
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:06,279
Ah, forget it!
261
00:12:06,399 --> 00:12:13,440
[animals galloping]
262
00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:14,799
Ted, you know
the way your eyes
263
00:12:14,919 --> 00:12:15,919
sometimes play tricks on you?
264
00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:21,840
I know, Father Larry Duff.
265
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,600
Ah, Larry.
266
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,600
He sometimes comes around
this area when he gets a break.
267
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:26,879
He's tremendous fun.
268
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,679
I'll give him a call
on his mobile phone.
269
00:12:28,799 --> 00:12:30,159
I got him one for Christmas.
270
00:12:30,279 --> 00:12:32,399
He's always complaining
that nobody rings him on it.
271
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:35,840
[singing] Da da
da da da da da.
272
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:37,840
Da da da da da--
273
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,799
[telephone ringing]
274
00:12:40,919 --> 00:12:41,799
[screaming] Ah!
275
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:52,240
Must have it switched off.
276
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,519
Why is it called
St. Kevin's Stump?
277
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:04,879
Doesn't say.
278
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,279
So is this what all
holidays are like, Ted?
279
00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:14,679
Actually, yeah.
280
00:13:14,799 --> 00:13:16,080
Anyway, we'd better
get back to Jack.
281
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,279
Ah, he's fine.
282
00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:18,639
He said he'd stay
put by the cliffs.
283
00:13:18,759 --> 00:13:29,000
[snoring] Wait!
284
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:30,919
Wait!
285
00:13:31,039 --> 00:13:32,879
Wait!
286
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,320
Wait!
287
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,639
Can we go over to
the rock and back, Ted?
288
00:13:38,759 --> 00:13:40,320
Well.
289
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,440
Come on, Ted.
290
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:42,639
We're on holidays.
291
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:43,919
Live a little.
292
00:13:44,039 --> 00:13:45,159
All right.
293
00:13:45,279 --> 00:13:46,200
But we'd better get
back to Jack soon.
294
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,120
Drink!
295
00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:48,080
Drink!
296
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,000
Ah!
297
00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:56,039
[water splashing]
298
00:13:56,159 --> 00:13:57,720
Well, here we are.
299
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,120
Hm.
300
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,039
Will we go over to
that fence now, Ted?
301
00:14:01,159 --> 00:14:03,600
No, we might just blow off the
excitement if we did that now.
302
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,120
We should save
something for next week.
303
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:27,519
[moaning]
304
00:14:27,639 --> 00:14:33,960
Father Ted Crilly, Craggy
Island Rocket House, C-R--
305
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,639
I guess you know how all that.
306
00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:36,879
Listen, you know
the whole business
307
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,519
of reporting missing persons?
308
00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:40,159
I've heard of it, yes?
309
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,480
Well, does it cost any money
to report a missing person?
310
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,639
No.
Great.
311
00:14:43,759 --> 00:14:45,279
Tell you what.
312
00:14:45,399 --> 00:14:47,759
We seem to have lost one of
our party, Father Jack Hackett.
313
00:14:47,879 --> 00:14:49,960
God, how would
you describe him?
314
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:51,639
Mid-fifties to mid-eighties.
315
00:14:51,759 --> 00:14:54,519
Tremendous amount of vegetables,
often, for some reason.
316
00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:56,120
Angry man, very angry man.
317
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:59,600
Hates children, likes the
odd drink, and if you find him,
318
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:00,759
don't come up on
him from behind.
319
00:15:00,879 --> 00:15:02,399
He won't like that at all.
320
00:15:02,519 --> 00:15:06,960
And one thing, do you carry
those electric stunner gadgets?
321
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,919
No, why?
322
00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,000
No reason.
323
00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,360
All right.
324
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:13,559
Anything else I can do
for you while I'm here?
325
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,639
Want to confess to any
unsolved murders or anything?
326
00:15:15,759 --> 00:15:19,440
Ha ha, no, we're fine for
the old unsolved murders.
327
00:15:19,559 --> 00:15:21,519
God, some holiday this
is turning out to be.
328
00:15:21,639 --> 00:15:22,679
Come on.
329
00:15:22,799 --> 00:15:23,639
At least now Jack's
on, there will
330
00:15:23,759 --> 00:15:25,200
be more room in the caravan.
331
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:29,480
[singing together]
Ebony and ivory live
332
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,080
together in perfect
harmony, side
333
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,720
by side on my piano keyboard.
334
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,559
Oh, lord, why can't we?
335
00:15:39,679 --> 00:15:40,519
Ted!
336
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:41,840
Hello, Noel.
337
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,480
What in goodness name
are you doing here?
338
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,840
Well, actually,
this is our caravan.
339
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,960
Father O'Roarke said
we could use it.
340
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,360
Yes, so I see.
341
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,200
I think he must
say it to everyone.
342
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:52,559
Hey, you lads.
343
00:15:52,679 --> 00:15:53,759
Room for two more in the
St. Luke's youth group?
344
00:15:53,879 --> 00:15:55,399
- Uh.
- More is best!
345
00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:56,559
Sit down there.
346
00:15:56,679 --> 00:15:57,519
And we'll have a
bit of an old song.
347
00:15:57,639 --> 00:15:58,519
What can we sing?
348
00:15:58,639 --> 00:15:59,480
Will you sing one, Ted?
349
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:00,360
No, I won't sing.
350
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,720
You will.
351
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,120
You have a lovely voice,
very like Celine Dion.
352
00:16:06,159 --> 00:16:07,840
Well, you'll dance then.
Come on, Tony.
353
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,440
Set down the old
"Riverdance" album.
354
00:16:09,559 --> 00:16:13,799
Actually, you know,
I'm quite tired.
355
00:16:13,919 --> 00:16:14,799
What?
356
00:16:14,919 --> 00:16:16,240
Maybe you're right, actually.
357
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,000
We're all a bit exhausted
from the old singing.
358
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:22,799
Some of us overdid it down
the old local last night.
359
00:16:22,919 --> 00:16:26,200
Gerry Fields knows who
I'm talking about, huh?
360
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,120
What, eh?
361
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,480
Yeah.
362
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,240
Oh, you know, we've
arrived back at what,
363
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,600
must have been half 10.
364
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,200
Some of us crawled in.
365
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,519
Jeanine Reilly knows what I'm
talking about there, don't you?
366
00:16:39,639 --> 00:16:40,399
Don't you?
367
00:16:40,519 --> 00:16:41,720
Yeah.
368
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,240
And she wasn't the
only one, Tony Lynch.
369
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:45,679
Tony Lynch, he knows.
370
00:16:45,799 --> 00:16:47,000
Ha ha.
371
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,440
Look at him there all
sweetness and light.
372
00:16:48,559 --> 00:16:49,799
But he wasn't like that
last night when he crawled
373
00:16:49,919 --> 00:16:53,080
into bed at 10 past the eleven.
374
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,000
Oh!
375
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,759
I've been old for long.
376
00:16:55,879 --> 00:16:57,399
You're a fine young fella.
377
00:16:57,519 --> 00:16:58,600
What age would you say I am?
378
00:16:58,720 --> 00:16:59,960
Go on, guess.
What age would you say?
379
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,120
Don't you tell him.
Hee hee, he knows.
380
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,039
Look at him, there.
381
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:03,159
I can tell.
382
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:05,200
Go on, guess, what
would you say?
383
00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:08,079
40.
384
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,079
Ted!
385
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,480
Haven't see you in ages.
386
00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:11,720
How are you?
387
00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:14,680
(SINGING) I saw the
whole of the moon!
388
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:15,799
Come on, Tony!
389
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:16,759
Sing out!
390
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,359
(SINGING) --at your heels!
391
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,039
You reached for the starts
and you know how it is feels.
392
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:23,519
Too high, a ha ha!
393
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,000
Too far!
394
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:26,960
Too soon!
395
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,000
You saw the whole of the moon.
396
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:30,359
Whoo!
397
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,400
(SINGING) Dirty old town.
398
00:17:34,519 --> 00:17:36,920
Dirty old town.
399
00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:39,200
Oh, God, Ted, they
have me worn out.
400
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,759
They're a mad crowd.
401
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,119
What time is it?
402
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,359
Half 10?
403
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,400
We should all go to bed.
404
00:17:47,519 --> 00:17:49,440
Where's Tony Lynch off to?
405
00:17:49,559 --> 00:17:50,920
Probably to get some heroin.
406
00:17:51,039 --> 00:17:52,839
No, I'm just going
to the toilet, Father.
407
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,799
Ooh, nice.
408
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,440
Anyone else need
to go, Ted, Dougal?
409
00:17:57,559 --> 00:17:58,400
Are you OK?
410
00:17:58,519 --> 00:17:59,519
We're grand, thanks, Noel.
411
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:00,920
Are you sure now, Ted?
412
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:03,039
You don't need a little tinkle?
413
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:03,920
I'm fine, thanks.
414
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,119
I'll go again.
415
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,359
The worst thing
would be to keep it in,
416
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,079
because your bladder
could go mental.
417
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,200
Yes.
418
00:18:09,319 --> 00:18:11,119
A friend of mine,
Father Sweeney,
419
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:12,480
he had a very small bladder.
420
00:18:12,599 --> 00:18:14,720
About the size of a
Terry's chocolate orange.
421
00:18:14,839 --> 00:18:16,279
No!
422
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,079
Really!
423
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,440
I'm fine, OK?
424
00:18:20,559 --> 00:18:23,240
I'm fine.
425
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,599
You're like a bunch of camels.
426
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,480
Anyway, we'll get the
sleeping bags out.
427
00:18:28,599 --> 00:18:30,240
Will it not be a
bit cramped, Noel?
428
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,680
Not at all, the
more the merrier.
429
00:18:37,279 --> 00:18:40,480
St. Collins had a great old
football team in the mid-'50s.
430
00:18:40,599 --> 00:18:44,160
Do you remember, Ted, they
won the Father Fitzgibbon cup?
431
00:18:44,279 --> 00:18:48,480
Father Fitzgibbon, thing about
him was he looked like a cup.
432
00:18:48,599 --> 00:18:52,119
Great big ears, like handles.
433
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,640
Do you remember him, Ted?
434
00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:54,920
Ted?
435
00:18:55,039 --> 00:18:56,039
Ted, are you asleep?
Do you remember him?
436
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,039
Yes!
437
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,000
I remember him, Noel.
438
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:00,359
[muffled moan]
439
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:04,000
Who's a bit of a
moaning Michael tonight?
440
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,759
God almighty, it's nearly
six o'clock in the morning.
441
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,200
I think what we
should all do now
442
00:19:11,319 --> 00:19:14,799
is tell a few ghost stories?
443
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,720
Ted?
444
00:19:16,839 --> 00:19:17,640
Yes?
445
00:19:17,759 --> 00:19:20,079
I'm going mad.
446
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,359
Yes, let's get out of here.
447
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,359
Let's go home.
448
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,200
Ooh.
449
00:19:26,319 --> 00:19:27,720
Who's that now?
450
00:19:27,839 --> 00:19:30,839
Is that Jerry Fields
heading out for the disco?
451
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,160
It's only us, Noel.
452
00:19:32,279 --> 00:19:33,480
We're just heading out
for some fresh air.
453
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:35,920
Don't forget to
bring us back some.
454
00:19:36,039 --> 00:19:37,319
Right, so.
455
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,359
You fucking idiot.
456
00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:43,880
Father Jack?
457
00:19:46,599 --> 00:19:48,319
Chances are, he's gone
back to Craggy Island.
458
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,000
He has an amazing
homing instinct.
459
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:51,440
I wouldn't be surprised if we
opened the front door to find
460
00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:52,839
him there with a big
smile on his face
461
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:54,960
and his arms outstretched
to welcome us back.
462
00:19:55,079 --> 00:19:56,319
What?
463
00:19:56,440 --> 00:20:00,039
Well, maybe not the
smile on his face,
464
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,400
or the outstretched arms,
or the welcome back.
465
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:06,200
But he's probably there.
466
00:20:06,319 --> 00:20:07,359
Oh, God, Dougal.
Here's the man.
467
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,440
Quick, I don't
want him to see us.
468
00:20:25,839 --> 00:20:28,200
[screaming] Jerry!
469
00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:29,240
Jerry!
470
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:31,160
Jerry!
471
00:20:31,279 --> 00:20:32,119
Open!
472
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,079
Please open.
473
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,079
You're all right there, Ted.
474
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,680
He's a fair bit away yet.
475
00:20:36,799 --> 00:20:39,279
It might be worth speeding
up there a bit, Ted.
476
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:44,119
[door opens]
477
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,839
Sorry about that.
478
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:46,960
Bloody perverts!
479
00:20:55,759 --> 00:20:57,599
So Ted, he's
probably very cold now
480
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:58,599
that his towel has blown away.
481
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,440
Maybe we should let him off.
482
00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:06,440
I've been thinking
about that for ages.
483
00:21:06,559 --> 00:21:08,680
Just I'm sure he's going
to start giving out to us.
484
00:21:08,799 --> 00:21:10,680
We could pretend
we didn't see him.
485
00:21:10,799 --> 00:21:12,359
I don't think he'd believe us.
486
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,400
Oh, we better
let him off, Ted.
487
00:21:14,519 --> 00:21:15,319
Oh, all right.
488
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,440
I suppose so.
489
00:21:16,559 --> 00:21:18,440
[brakes screech]
490
00:21:18,559 --> 00:21:21,440
Oh!
491
00:21:21,559 --> 00:21:22,440
Get out of the car!
492
00:21:22,559 --> 00:21:23,680
Hello, again.
493
00:21:23,799 --> 00:21:26,000
Get out of the car!
494
00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:28,400
Right.
495
00:21:28,519 --> 00:21:30,079
I think he's calming down a bit.
496
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,680
Uh, no.
497
00:21:32,799 --> 00:21:34,440
No!
[air hissing out of tires]
498
00:21:34,559 --> 00:21:35,880
Ah!
Enough!
499
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,200
No, come on.
500
00:21:37,319 --> 00:21:38,920
There's no need for
that type of nonsense.
501
00:21:39,039 --> 00:21:40,279
He's puncturing
the tires, Ted.
502
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,119
I can tell you're impressing
nobody with that type of thing.
503
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:56,000
Oh, Ted.
504
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:57,599
I'm so tired.
505
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:58,960
Maybe we should go back.
506
00:21:59,079 --> 00:22:00,359
No, no, no, no, no, no,
I'm not going anywhere
507
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,799
near Noel Furlong again.
508
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,720
God knows what they're
getting up to by now.
509
00:22:03,839 --> 00:22:06,680
[music - "riverdance"]
510
00:22:22,599 --> 00:22:24,960
[FIRE ENGINE RUNNING, SIREN
WAILING]
511
00:22:27,519 --> 00:22:29,880
[horn blaring]
512
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:30,880
Hurry, Ted.
513
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:31,880
There's a big truck.
514
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:32,920
They can give us a lift!
515
00:22:33,039 --> 00:22:33,839
Oh, thank God!
516
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,480
Hello, fellows.
517
00:22:38,599 --> 00:22:40,480
Oh, thank God, Tom.
518
00:22:40,599 --> 00:22:41,759
We need a lift.
519
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,000
Fair enough, fellows.
Us Hold on there.
520
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:43,880
I'll open the door.
521
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:49,839
[pushes button]
522
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:54,799
[gurgling sounds]
523
00:22:54,920 --> 00:23:07,960
[spraying sound]
524
00:23:08,079 --> 00:23:09,240
Sorry about that, fellows.
525
00:23:21,319 --> 00:23:22,440
[muttering in sleep]
526
00:23:22,559 --> 00:23:23,880
Father!
527
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:24,799
You're awake!
528
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,200
Elizabeth!
529
00:23:26,319 --> 00:23:27,960
Oh, God, it took us
ages to pull you on board.
530
00:23:28,079 --> 00:23:29,119
[muttering]
531
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:30,000
Will you have
something to drink?
532
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,359
97, 98, 99, 100.
533
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,839
Come on, now, ready or not.
35673
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof