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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:11,679 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:40,799 Right. 3 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,799 That's Tuesday dealt with. 4 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,759 Let's take a look at Wednesday now. 5 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,600 Half 7 Mass. 6 00:00:48,719 --> 00:00:51,079 I can take that. 7 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,079 And, uh-- maybe-- 8 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,880 could you take the 8:00 at all? 9 00:00:57,799 --> 00:00:58,560 Right. 10 00:00:58,679 --> 00:01:01,320 I can take that as well. 11 00:01:01,439 --> 00:01:03,840 Now, um-- the half 6 evening Mass on Sunday. 12 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:06,040 Evening mass? 13 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,319 Too early. No problem. 14 00:01:10,439 --> 00:01:11,200 I can take that as well. 15 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:12,840 I'll just make a note. 16 00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:13,719 Morning, Ted. 17 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:17,159 Morning, Dougal. 18 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,159 Eh, Dougal, there's, eh-- 19 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,599 there's some shaving cream, just there. 20 00:01:22,719 --> 00:01:23,640 No there's not, Ted. No. 21 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:24,560 You're grand. 22 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:27,840 No, on you. 23 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:28,840 Oh, where exactly, Ted? 24 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:30,480 Just there, below your ear. 25 00:01:30,599 --> 00:01:31,760 Here. 26 00:01:31,879 --> 00:01:34,359 Yes, and there's-- there's a bit more. 27 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:35,359 Gone? 28 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,159 No, there's still just a ti-- 29 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,799 Dougal, it's all over the place. 30 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:40,719 Oh. 31 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:41,879 God. 32 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,200 How on earth did all that get there? 33 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:44,280 I didn't even shave this morning. 34 00:01:49,719 --> 00:01:51,560 So what are we doing today, Ted? 35 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:53,599 Confessions, and Mass, and things like that, I suppose. 36 00:01:53,719 --> 00:01:55,400 Yes, Dougal. Things like that. 37 00:01:58,040 --> 00:01:59,480 It's great being a priest, isn't it, Ted? 38 00:02:05,319 --> 00:02:06,239 God, it's lovely out. 39 00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:09,479 [wind howling] 40 00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:11,319 Oh, wait'll I tell you, Ted. 41 00:02:11,439 --> 00:02:13,360 Fun Land's coming to Craggy Island. 42 00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:14,240 It'll be here Saturday. 43 00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:15,240 Oh, yes. 44 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,680 This is the fairground thing. 45 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:18,360 Well, I wouldn't have much interest in that type 46 00:02:18,479 --> 00:02:20,479 of thing myself, to be honest. 47 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:24,039 They've got a Spider Baby. 48 00:02:24,159 --> 00:02:24,960 A what? 49 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,280 A Spider Baby. You know. 50 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,879 It's kind of a freak show thing, you know. 51 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,080 It's got the body of a spider, but it's actually a baby. 52 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,719 How is it a baby? 53 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:40,879 Does it have a nappy on it or something? 54 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,159 No. 55 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,199 Well, does it have the head of a baby? 56 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:50,400 Erm-- no. 57 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:52,319 Well, if it looks like a spider, 58 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,599 and it doesn't actually gurgle at you or anything, 59 00:02:54,719 --> 00:02:57,000 how do you know it's actually a baby? 60 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,280 They keep it in a pram. 61 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:06,360 Dougal, are you absolutely sure about this? 62 00:03:06,479 --> 00:03:09,360 You're not confusing it with a dream you had or anything? 63 00:03:09,479 --> 00:03:10,479 No, honestly. 64 00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:11,319 I saw it on the news. Honestly. 65 00:03:11,439 --> 00:03:12,240 Oh. 66 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,759 Oh, wait now. 67 00:03:13,879 --> 00:03:15,960 Actually, now that you say it, it was a dream, yeah. 68 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:20,479 Have you been studying this like I told you? 69 00:03:20,599 --> 00:03:21,719 Oh, I have, Ted. I have. 70 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:22,599 Yeah. 71 00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:23,680 Yeah. 72 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,879 Sorry about that. 73 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:25,840 But we should go anyway, Ted. Come on. 74 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,159 It'll be great. 75 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,520 Last year I had a go at the horse riding, 76 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,120 and it was just fantastic. 77 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:32,120 I didn't know you could ride horses. 78 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,840 Well, it wasn't a real horse, Ted, like, eh. 79 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,280 It was this old fella with a saddle on him. 80 00:03:42,319 --> 00:03:45,120 He must've been about 80, you know. 81 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,520 Of course, he couldn't go very fast, like. 82 00:03:46,639 --> 00:03:47,680 You know, I was kind of lashing him 83 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,520 with the whip, and all that. 84 00:03:49,639 --> 00:03:52,080 Couldn't get much of a response out of him, you know? 85 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,360 And, uh-- how long were you up on him? 86 00:03:54,479 --> 00:03:57,520 Oh, I'd say it was about, eh-- 87 00:03:57,639 --> 00:04:00,280 about an hour? 88 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,000 So, you were up on an 80-year-old man, 89 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,120 riding him around and whipping him, for 60 minutes. 90 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:08,719 You realize that image will stay with me 91 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,280 for the rest of my life. 92 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,039 I know, Ted. Yeah, it's great, isn't it? 93 00:04:12,159 --> 00:04:13,000 Come on. 94 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,680 We should go. 95 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,079 No, I don't think I could take the excitement, to be honest. 96 00:04:17,199 --> 00:04:18,240 Suppose I'll just see if there's 97 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:19,519 anything on the television, so. 98 00:04:23,199 --> 00:04:24,360 INTERVIEWER (ON TELEVISION): What type 99 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,120 of jumper is that on you? 100 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,759 SUBJECT (ON TELEVISION): Well, basically, it's a-- 101 00:04:27,879 --> 00:04:28,759 Aagh! 102 00:04:28,879 --> 00:04:30,720 [television exploding] 103 00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:42,160 Maybe I'll just go and study the old diagram. 104 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:45,519 [phone ringing] 105 00:04:45,639 --> 00:04:46,879 Hello. 106 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:48,959 Father Ted Crilly speaking. - Hello, Father. 107 00:04:49,079 --> 00:04:50,399 Sorry to disturb you. 108 00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:52,240 My name is Terry MacNamee. 109 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,680 I'm producing the program, Faith of Our Fathers, 110 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:56,160 for Tele Eireann at the moment. 111 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,720 We're Doing a special on priests who work in isolated 112 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:00,160 communities, and I was wondering if you'd 113 00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:01,720 be interested in talking to us. 114 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:04,480 Well, that's-- that's very, um-- 115 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,079 that's a very exciting. 116 00:05:06,199 --> 00:05:07,879 Faith of Our Fathers is my favorite program, you know. 117 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,120 Well, you were the first person we thought of. 118 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,079 If you are interested, I could come over. 119 00:05:13,199 --> 00:05:15,000 And we could give you a small fee for your trouble. 120 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:16,279 Well. 121 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,240 I must say, that's-- - Who is that, Ted? 122 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,639 - Uh, no one. - No one? 123 00:05:18,759 --> 00:05:19,519 TERRY MACNAMEE (ON TELEPHONE): Hello. 124 00:05:19,639 --> 00:05:21,000 Father Crilly. - No. 125 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,240 Must be someone, Ted. 126 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:23,160 Just a moment. 127 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:28,519 Sorry. 128 00:05:28,639 --> 00:05:29,959 Oh, quick question. 129 00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,879 How exactly do you get to Craggy Island, Father? 130 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,680 It doesn't seem to be on any maps. 131 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,800 No, it wouldn't be on any maps, now, Terry. 132 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,800 We're not exactly New York. 133 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,439 No, the best way to find it is generally 134 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,480 to head out from Galway, and go slightly north, 135 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,399 till you see the English boats with the nuclear symbol 136 00:05:43,519 --> 00:05:44,959 on the side. 137 00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:46,079 They go very close to the island when they're dumping 138 00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:48,079 the old glow in the dark. 139 00:05:48,199 --> 00:05:49,560 One thing. 140 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,600 Are there any other priests living there with you? 141 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,800 Our researcher doesn't mention anyone else. 142 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,680 Um-- well-- 143 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:56,560 no. 144 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,439 There's no one else here. 145 00:05:58,560 --> 00:05:59,879 I'll see you on Saturday then. 146 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,079 I'll give you a call when I get there. 147 00:06:02,199 --> 00:06:02,959 Bye. 148 00:06:03,079 --> 00:06:03,959 [phone hangs up] 149 00:06:04,079 --> 00:06:05,920 [sniffing] 150 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,399 [snoring] 151 00:06:07,519 --> 00:06:08,360 [belch] 152 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:13,279 [music playing] 153 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:14,720 [rustling] 154 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,120 [rustling] 155 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,240 The ants are back, Ted. 156 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,040 Never turn on the television when Father Jack's asleep. 157 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:30,560 You know how he is. 158 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:32,680 But he's always asleep. 159 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,079 Yes, well anyone who's served the church as long as he has 160 00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:35,959 deserves a rest. 161 00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:37,480 (LOUD SNORING) 162 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,319 It's actually quite an honor for us to look after him 163 00:06:39,439 --> 00:06:40,600 in his old age, you know. 164 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,600 (MUMBLING) 165 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:44,720 Look at him. 166 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,920 Dreaming of past glories, no doubt. 167 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,240 [choir voices] 168 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,160 Girls, (SHARP CLAPPING) pay attention. 169 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:53,079 We've got a special treat today. 170 00:06:53,199 --> 00:06:56,000 Father Hackett has very kindly volunteered to take you 171 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,639 all for volleyball practice. 172 00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:00,240 You're right, Father. 173 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,519 And he's just reminded me that it's 174 00:07:01,639 --> 00:07:03,600 very warm today, so there'd be no need 175 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:04,759 for your track suit tops. 176 00:07:08,199 --> 00:07:10,079 [choir voices] 177 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,480 Hello. 178 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,360 Father Dougal Maguire here. 179 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,639 And welcome to this week's Top of the Pops. 180 00:07:25,759 --> 00:07:28,079 And in at number 45 this week is father Ted Crilly, 181 00:07:28,199 --> 00:07:29,920 with I've Got the Power. 182 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,199 And, at number 15, for the 16th week in a row, 183 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:37,240 is father Jack Hackett, with I Am a Sleepy Priest. 184 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,639 How did that gobshite get on the television? 185 00:07:45,639 --> 00:07:48,600 Ah, is the television broken again, Father? 186 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:49,839 Yes, we had a little trouble with-- 187 00:07:49,959 --> 00:07:51,120 Never you mind. 188 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:52,759 There's nothing wrong with it that can't 189 00:07:52,879 --> 00:07:55,879 be fixed with a bit of you know what in the head department. 190 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,560 Now then. 191 00:07:57,680 --> 00:07:58,480 Who's for tea? 192 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,680 Me, please, Mrs. Doyle. 193 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:00,560 Tea! 194 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,040 Feck. 195 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,519 I'm fine, Mrs. Doyle. 196 00:08:04,639 --> 00:08:06,160 You won't have a cup? 197 00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:07,720 Ah, no thanks, Mrs. Doyle. Honestly, I won't have a cup. 198 00:08:07,839 --> 00:08:08,920 Are you Are you sure now? 199 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,160 It's hot. - No, I'm not in the mood. 200 00:08:10,279 --> 00:08:11,120 Thanks. 201 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,000 All right, so. 202 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,600 Ah, go on. 203 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:14,800 Would you not have a drop? - No, thanks anyway, Mrs. Doyle. 204 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,160 - Just a little cup. - I'm fine. 205 00:08:16,279 --> 00:08:17,800 - Ah, go on. - No, really. 206 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:18,600 I'll tell you what, Father. I'll pour a cup for you anyway. 207 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:19,920 Seriously. Agh! 208 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,839 Then you can have it if you want. 209 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:27,279 Now-- and what do you say to a cup? 210 00:08:27,399 --> 00:08:30,519 Feck off, cup! 211 00:08:30,639 --> 00:08:33,039 He loves his cup of tea. 212 00:08:33,159 --> 00:08:34,000 Feck off! 213 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:34,960 There you go. 214 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,440 Feck off! 215 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:37,480 [cup breaking] 216 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,039 Father Crilly, I nearly forgot. 217 00:08:39,159 --> 00:08:41,919 There was a phone call earlier from a Terry MacNamee. 218 00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:42,799 Ah, right. 219 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:43,720 Who's that, Ted? 220 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:44,919 I've never heard of him. 221 00:08:45,039 --> 00:08:45,919 I think he's something to do with-- 222 00:08:46,039 --> 00:08:47,279 eh-- wasn't it the television? 223 00:08:47,399 --> 00:08:49,000 Yes, he's coming to fix the television. 224 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,639 Well, he'll be here tomorrow at 12. 225 00:08:50,759 --> 00:08:51,519 Grand. 226 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,360 [button clicking] 227 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:57,559 It's good you called someone, Ted. 228 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,440 It's still not working. 229 00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:07,440 (SINGING) You're simply the best. 230 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,639 Do-do, do-do. 231 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,279 Better than all the rest. 232 00:09:11,399 --> 00:09:13,480 Do-do, do, do-do. 233 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,919 God, Ted, you frightened the life out of me, there. 234 00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:18,799 You're, uh, doing the old pop star thing there, Dougal. 235 00:09:18,919 --> 00:09:21,279 I was, Ted, yeah. 236 00:09:21,399 --> 00:09:23,679 It was great being on television today. 237 00:09:23,799 --> 00:09:26,360 I think I've caught the old telly bug. 238 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,080 Go on to bed now and get some sleep. 239 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,159 You don't want to get overtired. 240 00:09:35,399 --> 00:09:36,519 Did you ever Did you ever want to get 241 00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:38,759 into television yourself, Ted? 242 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,399 Ah, no. 243 00:09:40,519 --> 00:09:42,639 I-- I wouldn't be interested in that kind of thing, really. 244 00:09:42,759 --> 00:09:43,600 Oh, right. Yeah. 245 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,039 Yeah. 246 00:09:45,159 --> 00:09:46,159 Don't think you'd be much good at it, actually. 247 00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:47,039 What? 248 00:09:47,159 --> 00:09:47,960 Why not? 249 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:49,080 Well, you know. 250 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,080 You're a bit serious, aren't you? 251 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,600 And your eyes are a bit crossed. 252 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:54,159 Yeah, they're a bit wonky, Ted. 253 00:09:54,279 --> 00:09:56,360 You know the cameras can pick that up, you know. 254 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,039 I am not cross-eyed, Dougal. 255 00:09:58,159 --> 00:10:00,159 Ah, you're a bit now, Ted. 256 00:10:00,279 --> 00:10:01,559 Sure, half the time I don't know if you're 257 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:03,759 talking to me or Father Jack. 258 00:10:03,879 --> 00:10:06,399 Dougal, Why don't you just get some sleep. 259 00:10:06,519 --> 00:10:07,440 Right. 260 00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:08,399 Just have to say the old prayers. 261 00:10:14,799 --> 00:10:17,320 Our father who art in heaven, 262 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:21,320 Hallowed. 263 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,080 Hallowed be thy-- 264 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,679 Name. 265 00:10:29,799 --> 00:10:31,200 Papa, don't preach. 266 00:10:34,159 --> 00:10:35,360 Dougal. 267 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:36,799 You know, you can praise God with sleep. 268 00:10:36,919 --> 00:10:38,440 Can you, Ted? 269 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,480 Yes, it's a way of thanking him for a tiring day. 270 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,080 God. 271 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,399 There's lots of ways you can praise God isn't there, Ted? 272 00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:46,200 Like that time you told me to praise him by, 273 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:49,320 you know, just leaving the room. 274 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:50,679 That was a good one, yes. 275 00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:00,480 Ted. 276 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,440 Hm? 277 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:02,840 Ted. 278 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,240 Yes. 279 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,159 Knock, knock. 280 00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,159 Who's there? 281 00:11:11,279 --> 00:11:13,159 Father Dougal Maguire. 282 00:11:13,279 --> 00:11:14,919 Good night, Dougal. 283 00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:18,840 [music playing] 284 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,320 FATHER TED: I can hear you a bit better now. 285 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:21,279 That's-- that's-- yeah. Sure. 286 00:11:21,399 --> 00:11:22,159 Sure. Yeah. 287 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,080 You made it then. 288 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,519 I think so. 289 00:11:28,639 --> 00:11:30,320 There's no indication that it is Craggy Island. 290 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,240 There's no signs or anything. 291 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,000 Is there a man looking at you with a t-shirt saying, 292 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:35,879 I Shot JR? 293 00:11:40,279 --> 00:11:41,639 Actually, there is. 294 00:11:41,759 --> 00:11:43,519 Ah, you're here, so. 295 00:11:43,639 --> 00:11:44,519 What? 296 00:11:44,639 --> 00:11:45,759 The line is very bad, Father. 297 00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:46,919 You're a bit muffled. 298 00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,600 I'm on a portable phone. 299 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,480 You-- you caught me by surprise when you phoned me, you know. 300 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,960 I'm on the toilet. 301 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:53,960 Right. 302 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,240 So, eh-- so where can we meet? 303 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,240 Anywhere we can get a few good shots? 304 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,480 Any local landmarks? 305 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:01,360 No. 306 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,759 What? 307 00:12:02,879 --> 00:12:04,399 No, there are no landmarks here, now, Terry. 308 00:12:04,519 --> 00:12:05,840 None at all? 309 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,279 No. 310 00:12:07,399 --> 00:12:08,720 No, the island itself is a kind of landmark really. 311 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,200 For ships, and that. 312 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,840 The general rule is if you're heading away from it, 313 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,039 you're going in the right direction. 314 00:12:13,159 --> 00:12:14,759 Right. So, uh-- 315 00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:15,799 There's the field. 316 00:12:15,919 --> 00:12:17,279 Oh. A field. 317 00:12:17,399 --> 00:12:18,360 Well, that sounds-- 318 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:19,759 Well, it's not a field really. 319 00:12:19,879 --> 00:12:22,200 But it has less rocks in it than most places. 320 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,360 Never mind, Father. 321 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,679 I'll meet you at the field. 322 00:12:24,799 --> 00:12:25,879 Now how do I get there? 323 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:26,799 Ask Tom, there. 324 00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:28,120 He'll help you out. 325 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,440 Right, Father. 326 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:30,360 Thanks. 327 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:33,320 [caw] 328 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,320 [gunshot] 329 00:12:35,519 --> 00:12:36,279 Gone. 330 00:12:40,399 --> 00:12:43,279 [spooky voice] 331 00:12:43,399 --> 00:12:44,799 Holy Mary, Mother of God. 332 00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:50,799 God, Ted. 333 00:12:50,919 --> 00:12:52,200 I'm so sorry. 334 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:53,639 It was just a joke. 335 00:12:53,759 --> 00:12:56,960 T-- t-- try to avoid doing that again, Dougal. 336 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,200 I thought it was really-- 337 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,600 herself. 338 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,759 It's the last thing I need. 339 00:13:02,879 --> 00:13:06,000 You're right there, Ted. 340 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,440 Anyway, it's time for Jack's walk. 341 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,279 (SHOUTING) Time for your walk, Father Jack. 342 00:13:10,399 --> 00:13:11,559 (MUMBLING AND SNARLING) 343 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:14,799 Off around the cliffs. 344 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,240 Can I bring him to Fun Land, Ted? 345 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,279 He'd love that. 346 00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:18,600 No, he wouldn't. 347 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,039 Take him around the cliffs. 348 00:13:20,159 --> 00:13:21,799 And this time, if you're going near the edge, 349 00:13:21,919 --> 00:13:22,919 put on the brakes. 350 00:13:23,039 --> 00:13:26,480 He was only just lucky the last time. 351 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,000 Um, you're not coming yourself? 352 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,440 Ah, no. 353 00:13:29,559 --> 00:13:33,519 I-- I think I'll stay here and pray for awhile. 354 00:13:33,639 --> 00:13:34,480 Oh. 355 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,799 What are you after, Ted? 356 00:13:36,919 --> 00:13:38,919 I'm not after anything, Dougal. 357 00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:40,919 It's not unknown for members of the clergy 358 00:13:41,039 --> 00:13:43,600 to pray from time to time. 359 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,120 Here we are, Father Crilly. 360 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,759 Take it away! 361 00:13:46,879 --> 00:13:48,679 Oh, there's nothing Father Hackett likes more than to get 362 00:13:48,799 --> 00:13:49,720 out and about in the fresh air. 363 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:50,679 Get away! 364 00:13:50,799 --> 00:13:53,639 [chattering] 365 00:13:53,759 --> 00:13:54,559 That's it. 366 00:13:57,399 --> 00:13:58,200 Now. 367 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,879 [yelling] 368 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,600 [chattering] 369 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,240 Oh, now. 370 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,159 That's it now. In you go. 371 00:14:12,279 --> 00:14:13,080 Isn't that better. 372 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,200 Good man. 373 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,519 This will keep you nice and warm. 374 00:14:15,639 --> 00:14:16,519 [smack] 375 00:14:24,519 --> 00:14:26,360 [dramatic music playing] 376 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:28,879 [father jack yelling] 377 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,840 Bye, then. 378 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,240 Every single day, the same thing. 379 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:33,480 Ah, once he's out there, he has a great time. 380 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,039 He loves the old cliffs. 381 00:14:35,159 --> 00:14:36,720 Well, I'll be off then, Father. 382 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:37,840 What are you up to yourself? 383 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:38,840 Oh, I think I'll just stay here 384 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:39,840 and have a bit of an old pray. 385 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:40,840 All right, so. 386 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:42,240 Enjoy the rest of the weekend. 387 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:48,720 [theme music playing fast] 388 00:15:03,759 --> 00:15:06,159 MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Penitents are reminded that parking 389 00:15:06,279 --> 00:15:08,120 facilities are unavailable. 390 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,639 That's a-- a reminder of the unavailability 391 00:15:11,759 --> 00:15:13,639 of parking facilities. 392 00:15:13,759 --> 00:15:15,600 I didn't know this bloody thing was on here. 393 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:16,799 Hello, Father. 394 00:15:16,919 --> 00:15:17,720 Hello, Tom. 395 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:18,720 The Tele Eireann lads. 396 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:19,759 Did you get them here all right? 397 00:15:19,879 --> 00:15:21,080 I did, yeah. 398 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,600 They went to film a bit of the island first. 399 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:23,799 They'll be back soon. 400 00:15:23,919 --> 00:15:24,799 Right, so. 401 00:15:24,919 --> 00:15:25,840 I'll just wait in the field, so. 402 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:26,720 Father. 403 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:27,879 Yes, Tom. 404 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,840 - I've killed a man. - Did you, Tom? 405 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,600 I'll, uh-- I'll have to talk to you about that later. 406 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,360 I'm doing an interview for the television. 407 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,840 MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): A little boy has been lost-- 408 00:15:45,399 --> 00:15:48,240 FUN LAND WORKER: Keep your hands on the sides! 409 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,480 MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): The child has now been found. 410 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,919 Big, fat, smelly cow. 411 00:15:54,039 --> 00:15:56,679 You have a face like a pair o' tits. 412 00:15:56,799 --> 00:15:58,759 Well, at least that's one pair between us. 413 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,039 Hello, Mary. 414 00:16:02,159 --> 00:16:03,919 Ah, hello, Father. 415 00:16:04,039 --> 00:16:05,200 Hello, John. 416 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:06,399 Would you have a packet of Toffos, Father? 417 00:16:06,519 --> 00:16:07,360 No, thanks. 418 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:08,600 I have to meet someone now. 419 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:09,840 Actually, I'm going to be interviewed 420 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,000 for a television program. - Oh. 421 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:11,879 Really? 422 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,240 Oh, that's fantastic. 423 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,440 You know, Father. 424 00:16:14,559 --> 00:16:17,080 I think you'd be brilliant on television. 425 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:18,679 Well, thank you. 426 00:16:18,799 --> 00:16:20,600 Oh, I'd say you'll be more than a match for [inaudible] 427 00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,759 or Terry Wogan, or any of them. 428 00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:25,399 I think it will take me a few weeks to get to their level. 429 00:16:25,519 --> 00:16:26,679 I have to go now. 430 00:16:26,799 --> 00:16:28,120 I'm trying to track down this film unit. 431 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,639 And they'll probably want to do a few close-ups 432 00:16:29,759 --> 00:16:31,960 of master shots, and noddies, and that sort of thing. 433 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,399 Don't want to be late on set. 434 00:16:33,519 --> 00:16:35,720 Get a repetition as a sort of Marilyn Monroe type. 435 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:37,080 See you soon. 436 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,440 Father Ted. 437 00:16:39,559 --> 00:16:43,159 Get them feckin' crunchies out of the car. 438 00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:49,080 [guitar and banjo playing] 439 00:17:02,039 --> 00:17:02,879 Ted! 440 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:03,960 Ted! Over here, Ted! 441 00:17:04,079 --> 00:17:04,880 Come here! 442 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,079 Look at me! 443 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,079 Hey, Ted! 444 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:10,160 What are you doing here, anyway? 445 00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,240 I thought you weren't interested in this type of thing. 446 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,559 You're supposed to be taking Jack for his walk. 447 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,880 Well, um-- uh, the cliffs were closed for today. 448 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,680 How would cliffs be closed, Dougal? 449 00:17:19,799 --> 00:17:21,480 OK, no. It wasn't that. 450 00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:23,720 They were gone. 451 00:17:23,839 --> 00:17:24,920 The cliffs were gone. 452 00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:27,559 How could they just disappear? 453 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,640 - Erosion. - Come on off that. 454 00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:31,240 And straight to the cliffs with you. 455 00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,160 Ah, there's just another couple of turns to go, I think. 456 00:17:34,279 --> 00:17:36,119 Woo! 457 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:43,440 [banjo and guitar playing] 458 00:17:48,039 --> 00:17:49,400 MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Entries are reminded 459 00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:52,759 to keep their hands visible at all times when not 460 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,200 availing of the Fun Fair rides. 461 00:17:54,319 --> 00:17:56,759 Now, you're to go straight home, do you hear? 462 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,599 I don't want to hear any more nonsense. 463 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,039 Everyone else is here. 464 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,240 Dougal, you're a priest. 465 00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:02,720 You're supposed to show some decorum. 466 00:18:02,839 --> 00:18:05,079 - Wish I wasn't a priest. - What? 467 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,359 I wish I wasn't a priest. 468 00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:08,440 Dou-- Jack heard you say that. 469 00:18:08,559 --> 00:18:10,680 Sure, he told me one time he doesn't even believe in God. 470 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:11,839 Dougal! 471 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:18,680 [banjo and guitar playing] 472 00:18:29,039 --> 00:18:29,839 Ted. 473 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,160 Ted. 474 00:18:31,279 --> 00:18:32,319 Can I have a go in the Crane of Death, Ted? 475 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,119 - The what? - The Crane of Death. 476 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,720 It's called that because there was a young fella 477 00:18:35,839 --> 00:18:37,119 killed on it last year. Come on, Ted. 478 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:38,119 Look. 479 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,440 I am sick and tired of your-- 480 00:18:39,559 --> 00:18:40,559 Ted, look! 481 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:41,480 There's a fortune teller. Come on. 482 00:18:41,599 --> 00:18:42,839 We'll have one go in there. 483 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,319 Don't waste your money on that stuff, Dougal. 484 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:45,680 Ah, Ted. Ah, Ted. 485 00:18:45,799 --> 00:18:46,359 You never know. There might be something in it. 486 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:47,960 It's rubbish. 487 00:18:48,079 --> 00:18:48,920 How could anybody believe any of that sort of nonsense? 488 00:18:49,039 --> 00:18:50,359 Come on, Ted. 489 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:51,480 It's no more peculiar than that stuff we learned 490 00:18:51,599 --> 00:18:52,720 in the seminary, you know. 491 00:18:52,839 --> 00:18:53,680 Heaven and hell and everlasting life, 492 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,119 and all that type of thing. 493 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,000 You're not meant to take it seriously, Ted. 494 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,839 Dougal, you are so too meant to take it seriously. 495 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:00,759 - Are ya? - Yes. 496 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,000 What? 497 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:02,960 Heaven and hell and everlasting life? 498 00:19:03,079 --> 00:19:05,599 Yes, of course. 499 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:06,880 Look, Dougal. 500 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,039 I'll let you go in. 501 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,319 Will you go home straight after that? 502 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,359 I will, I will. I promise, Ted. 503 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,200 All right. 504 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,119 [beads clacking into each other] 505 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,599 Hello. 506 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,279 - Let's go, Ted. - What's wrong? 507 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,720 - I'm scared. - Oh, for pity's sake. 508 00:19:19,839 --> 00:19:21,319 Look. I'll do it, and you can watch. 509 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,559 Hello there. - Sit. 510 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,359 Oh. Right. 511 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,680 First you must cross my palm with my silver. 512 00:19:26,799 --> 00:19:28,039 Silver? 513 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:28,839 I don't carry huge bags of it around, you know. 514 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:29,759 Give me a pound. 515 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:38,160 Now, I'll interpret one card at a time, please. 516 00:19:38,279 --> 00:19:41,160 Be careful. 517 00:19:41,279 --> 00:19:44,640 [dramatic music playing] 518 00:19:44,759 --> 00:19:45,960 I wasn't concentrating. 519 00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:47,400 Perhaps I could pick another? 520 00:19:47,519 --> 00:19:48,519 No, no. 521 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,119 This is a common misunderstanding. 522 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,079 The grim reaper doesn't mean death in the literal sense. 523 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,279 Rather, it may mean the death of an old way of life, 524 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,880 and the beginning of a new one. 525 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,559 I know what that is. 526 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,279 It's probably about a new lamp I'm getting for my bicycle. 527 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,079 Another card, please. 528 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:08,920 [dramatic music playing] 529 00:20:09,039 --> 00:20:10,319 Is that-- good? 530 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:15,240 Well, uh-- it will become clear at the next card. 531 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,240 [dramatic music playing] 532 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:19,119 This is really weird. 533 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,839 There's only supposed to be one in each pack. 534 00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,119 Hello, Tom. 535 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:29,519 Is Father Crilly around yet? - He is, yeah. 536 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,960 He's in there. 537 00:20:31,079 --> 00:20:33,240 God, that's a nasty scar you've got there, Tom. 538 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:34,559 Where did you get that? 539 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,319 I was uh-- 540 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:37,480 in an argument. 541 00:20:37,599 --> 00:20:38,359 Oh. 542 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:39,920 I hope you won. 543 00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:41,680 I certainly did. 544 00:20:41,799 --> 00:20:43,000 But that's nothing. 545 00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:45,759 I've had worse than that. 546 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:49,160 Would you believe me own dad did that to me. 547 00:20:49,279 --> 00:20:50,720 Doesn't it look like a face? 548 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,359 Quick. Father Jack. 549 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:57,640 You'll have to get him home. 550 00:20:57,759 --> 00:20:59,119 It's nearly five and time for his drink. 551 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:00,920 You go that way and I'll go this way. 552 00:21:01,039 --> 00:21:02,079 OK. 553 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,759 MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): Will Sioban 554 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,279 please report to the refreshment tent to reheat the hamburgers. 555 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,200 Come on, now, Father. 556 00:21:06,319 --> 00:21:07,160 We'd better be off. 557 00:21:07,279 --> 00:21:09,279 Come on. 558 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,640 Father! 559 00:21:10,759 --> 00:21:11,559 Father! 560 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,319 There you are, Father. 561 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,039 We got here at last. 562 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:15,960 Father. 563 00:21:16,079 --> 00:21:17,200 Father. 564 00:21:17,319 --> 00:21:18,640 Dead to the world. 565 00:21:18,759 --> 00:21:20,640 You don't know what's going on. 566 00:21:20,759 --> 00:21:21,799 Gin! 567 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:23,119 Vodka! - It's time for your drink. 568 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,039 Come on. 569 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:26,000 Gin and pint. 570 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,960 [yelling] 571 00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:29,640 Are you not from-- from-- 572 00:21:29,759 --> 00:21:31,680 from the television? 573 00:21:31,799 --> 00:21:33,839 Well, yes. 574 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,359 We'll just ask you a few questions. 575 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,240 What-- am I going to be on the telly? 576 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:39,759 Well, yes. 577 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,039 We'll start off with a history of the island. 578 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:43,839 Then move on to how life has changed for 579 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,240 the islanders, economically and socially-- 580 00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:53,400 [hoe-down music playing] 581 00:21:53,519 --> 00:21:56,240 Father, how would you say the people's religious beliefs here 582 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:57,799 on Craggy Island have been affected 583 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:00,599 by the advent of television and greater access 584 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:01,519 to the media in general? 585 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:02,640 - God, no. - Drink! 586 00:22:02,759 --> 00:22:03,599 They're talking to Dougal. 587 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:05,400 Drink! 588 00:22:05,519 --> 00:22:07,000 I've got to think of something. 589 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:08,480 Drink! 590 00:22:08,599 --> 00:22:09,960 [yelling] 591 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:15,839 [choir voices singing] 592 00:22:17,039 --> 00:22:18,160 There I am. It's me! 593 00:22:18,279 --> 00:22:19,039 Look! 594 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,279 I'm on the telly! 595 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:21,400 So, God. 596 00:22:21,519 --> 00:22:22,519 Does he really exist? 597 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,319 I mean, who knows? 598 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,000 I don't know. 599 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:29,480 I mean, personally, I don't even believe in organized religion. 600 00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:30,920 [moaning] 601 00:22:31,039 --> 00:22:31,839 I know. 602 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,119 It's great, isn't it? 603 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,640 Spider Baby. 604 00:22:35,759 --> 00:22:39,519 It's got the body of a spider but the mind of a baby. 605 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,359 [louder moaning] 606 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,720 It wouldn't really bite ya. 607 00:22:44,839 --> 00:22:46,160 Unless it got a bit older. 608 00:22:46,279 --> 00:22:47,079 [moaning] 609 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,039 I know. 610 00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,079 I can't believe it either. 611 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,119 I'm on the television. 612 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,079 [moaning] 613 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:55,000 It's that gobshite again! 614 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:57,480 He's never off the air. 615 00:22:57,599 --> 00:23:04,319 [theme music playing] 616 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,319 MAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): A child has been eh-- 617 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,519 lodged in the Tunnel of Goats. 618 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,480 If they could-- if we could have a nurse, please, to the Tunnel 619 00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:13,400 of Goats. 620 00:23:13,519 --> 00:23:14,319 Thank you. 621 00:23:17,319 --> 00:23:21,680 A goat and a child have now become lodged together-- 622 00:23:21,799 --> 00:23:24,839 eh-- and a nurse has become involved 623 00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,680 in the-- in the incident. 624 00:23:26,799 --> 00:23:31,440 And another nurse is required to release the uh-- nurse 625 00:23:31,559 --> 00:23:32,960 we asked for previously. 626 00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,799 Thank you. 41761

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