Original subtitles

Oh, yeah.

Oh, baby, yeah!

I'm giving you daytime sex!

Yeah!

Yeah, but you don't deserve it.

No, I'm so bad.

I should fuck you harder, then.

Take that!

Taste my thunder!

Yes! I can taste it!

Can you get it?

Yes!

Give it to me, Derick! More!

You like that? Oh, baby.

You like it when I fuck you with my rock-hard penis?

I love your baby maker inside of me!

Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

I'm gonna make your ovaries so sore!

Yeah.

I don't respect you at all,

you filthy, dirty woman!

Come on, Derick. Like you mean it!

How dirty am I?

So dirty. So filthy.

Daddy needs to punish you.

Uh-huh. Tighten it, baby!

Sorry.

No, it's perfect! You like being my bitch?

Excuse me?

You don't like being my bitch?

Do something about it!

Okay. Yeah.

Spank me!

W-What the fuck is this?

Oh, please, Derick. I have such a filthy mouth!

Okay.

You like that?

Samantha.

You like that, Samantha?

Yeah.

Put this in!

Wh-Where?

This isn't even physically possible!

Shove Luther in my ass, Derick!

You call this Luther? Yes.

God damn it, Derick, please!

I'm so close!

Eh, bible study.

I'm sorry. What?

What the hell, Derick?

What the hell? What the hell?

I was so close,

and you know how long it's been.

We can go again in a second. I just�

You said butts were off-limit.

You know, we talked about this.

Just so vanilla.

What's wrong with vanilla?

It's a classic flavor.

I'm serious, Derick.

I still love you.

I mean, if I can't please you,

then that's a big problem.

I'm giving you a hall pass for tomorrow.

A hall pass? Those things don't exist.

They do.

It does.

Go crazy.

Let things get freaky and weird.

That's what bachelor parties are for.

Freaky and weird?

You're never giving freaky and weird a chance.

Come on.

I know you'll love it.

Ever since I met you,

I knew you were just this coiled spring

of sexual energy ready to be sprung.

Amanda, no, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

You just need to loosen up for us.

Go crazy. Do drugs.

Get drunk. Fuck bitches.

That's your mission.

To fuck bitches?

Fuck those bitches!

For me, please?

Okay.

I will.

Oh. Hello, Amanda.

Hey, Derick!

Derick, hey. Uh�

W-What's up with Derick?

Derick and I have a deal,

and as the best man, I need you to make sure this deal goes down.

Uh, okay.

Make sure he has a good time

and he has plenty of company.

I've given Derick a hall pass.

Is this a trap?

No.

Go wait in the car, Derick!

Adrian, how long have you been a junior partner?

3 years, 5 months, 22 days,

not including weekends, overtime and this morning.

Get Derick laid, and on Monday,

there's a corner office

and a "Senior Junior Partner" next to your name.

You're giving me a promotion?

Do you know how long it's been

since I've had an orgasm?

Derick's cool with this?

Derick is Derick.

This could save our relationship.

Well, I can't force the guy.

I'm certainly not gonna fuck him.

You won't have to.

Please?

I know you're looking out for him.

Look out for me, too.

Fine. I'll do it.

Good boy.

Now turn around.

Who's the boss?

You're the boss.

Like you mean it.

You're the boss!

Oh, God!

Now you boys go on and get your dicks wet!

I know what you two were talking about over there.

I'm not gonna do it.

Do what?

You know.

What?

It's not gonna happen.

You sure you want to go through with this?

Yeah.

The bachelor party, yeah.

Absolutely.

Yeah, sure, the bachelor party.

Are you sure you're going to be all right, Mitchell?

Hey, Sue, you can believe me, because I believe.

Remember, if you have any, um, urges, just�

Get on my knees and pray?

That's them.

A-And you're sure that they're

not gonna turn you gay again, right?

I just�I don't know.

I just�Gosh darn it.

I just need you to be strong for me!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

You're the apple of my eye, hmm,

my pumpkin,

my pumpkin pie.

Can I be your pumpkin spice latte?

Venti.

Oh, Lord, please do keep him safe.

Bitch, what the heck are you wearing?

Not a goddamn word from you, bitch.

That's Sue? Yeah.

Do you know how many girls

are just willing to fuck the gay out of you?

Relax, bitches.

Yay!

Wet in here.

Oh, Mitch, I've always loved you.

Sue. Oh.

I'm so happy.

Ooh.

Mmm.

Okay, that story's bullshit, Mitch,

and you know it. Yeah. You're right.

It's total bullshit.

Yeah, that one was total bullshit.

All right, you guys, $1,000.

There's a cool grand in it for you

if you just protect my D tonight.

So let me get this straight, Derick.

You want to pay me to make sure you don't get laid tonight.

Yes.

What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

What do you mean?

You've been handed a gift!

That's funny coming from you, girlfriend.

Oh, shit, I gotta call Frank.

Frank?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's coming.

Well, actually he's practically paying for everything, so�

Why Frank?

Don't you stop, girl.

Don't you stop.

You wait. Oh, God.

You wait.

Adrian? Ah ha ha!

How's it going, man? How's the drive?

Oh, yeah, great. We're about two hours away.

Guys should have flown, man.

There's nothing better�

than flying!

Don't you do it.

Yeah. Hey, look, what time

do you think you'll get to the hotel?

Hold on. What time do we land?

Ohh! A half-hour.

Don't you finish without me.

Oh, keep going.

Plane lands in half an hour. Bobsled!

Yeah, okay, great.

Listen, man, I gotta call you back.

I gotta finish something.

Electronic devices.

Ahh. No.

Sorry, baby.

What can I say?

I'm a rebel.

No smoking. No smoking.

I don't follow the rules.

Oh, my God, I'm gonna hit you.

It is now time for your in-flight entertainment.

Oh, my God!

Ohh!

The captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign

as we begin our descent into Las Vegas, Nevada.

Please make sure your tray tables are up

and your seats are in their full upright�

You shaved everywhere? I love you.

Upright and locked positions.

Oh, my God.

Ahh! On behalf of the entire crew,

thank you for flying with us today�

Oh, my God!

Why Frank?

Well, Amanda invited him.

They're good friends.

Yeah, they're good friends.

They used to date.

Who's Frank?

Because he sounds cute.

Let's just focus, gentlemen, okay?

'Cause this is gonna be the best fucking weekend ever.

Vegas, baby! Vegas!

All right. Fuck, yeah.

Look at this place, man. I'm telling you.

I spent hours looking for this place.

You got blackjack. You got poker.

Gentlemen!

Welcome to Vegas.

You act like we've never been to Vegas before.

I've never been to Vegas before.

Hey, relax, baby. It's just what you say

when someone arrives in Vegas.

It's like a time-honored tradition or something.

Penny slots!

He gay?

It's complicated.

Uh�

doesn't have to be.

There he is!

Huh? Oh, what is that?

Come here, you beautiful son of a bitch!

Don't hug me. Huh? Heh heh.

Yeah, you look good, man.

What have you been doing, Pilates?

Yeah, it's Pilates.

So, how's Amanda?

She still a freak in the sack?

Hey! Did he tell you?

Amanda and I used to bang?

Frank, be nice.

Oh, did I hurt your feelings?

I'm fucking with you, bagpipe.

I'm just playing. Put your hands up.

Where are your hands? I'm gonna get you.

With a hook, and guard. Come here.

Boys, tonight, things are gonna get wild,

and things are gonna get crazy.

Kaboom!

$1,000.

You got it.

Gentlemen,

welcome to your suite.

Oh, my God, look at that view!

Is he gonna do that everywhere we go?

Hey, hey, buddy, relax.

Hey, what's his problem?

Boys, boys, save it for later.

All right, You know what? Shots. Come on.

Let's get some shots. Mitchell.

Come on. Come on. Fire it up, baby.

Listen up, sock fuckers.

Tonight the word "no"

does not exist in our vocabulary.

I don't know, guys. This is starting

to seem like a lot for me.

Come on, Derick. Just because you're getting married

doesn't mean you're getting your balls chopped off!

What the hell does that even mean?

It means you don't have

a fucking say where the night takes us.

All right.

So, to a night we will most likely forget.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Okay.

Ahh. Whoo!

So, Frank, everything good to go for tonight?

Oh, yeah. Actually got Derick a little surprise.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Sure you want to see this shit?

Okay.

Bam.

Is that what I think it is?

Nah, baby. It's just ecstasy,

but it's the good shit.

Amanda said he'd be a little wound up.

Plus I heard about your little arrangement.

You did? Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna give him one of these babies

as soon as the night heats up,

which it will, in more ways than one.

What? Fuck you!

Hey, don't look now, fellas,

but we got strange at 11 o'clock.

What?

Shit, no. No, two o'clock.

Fuck. My fault. My fault. Two o'clock.

Okay, all right. Let's huddle up.

We have gotta get them over here.

Let them enjoy their bachelorette party.

No. Don't give me that bros before hos bullshit. No.

Here's�Here's what I'm gonna do.

I go over there, pop one of these bad boys

after I shake it up� Mitch, no.

Just chill out, okay? I'll handle it.

You don't trust me or something?

It's not about trust, sweetheart.

We gotta let 'em settle in

and get chilled and comfortable, you know?

Then we make a move.

Enh! Wrong!

This is what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna throw some drinks at 'em. We'll be cake.

How do you even know they want to be hit on, Frank?

Every chick wants to be hit on, dickshit!

It's four girls in a cabana.

Where's your testicles, man?

I just think it's a little sleazy.

Listen to me. A wise man once said,

"If they can't handle us at our worst,

they don't deserve us at our best."

Pretty sure that was Marilyn Monroe.

I'm glad you noticed.

It's too late anyway. Doesn't look like

we're gonna get any strange tonight.

God�Fuck. God damn it!

See, this is what happens when we don't focus.

Calm down, Frank.

I'm telling you, be cool.

That's how these things go.

Hey, guys.

Hey! All right.

We've been looking all over for you.

Oh. We thought we were meeting in this cabana.

Of course not, silly.

Let's go.

Thanks for bailing us out, guys.

Those guys were total douche bags.

Oh, no problem, girl.

I'm Amber.

This is Casey, our bride-to-be,

Sienna, maid of honor,

and that is Tatyana.

Oh, hey, I'm Adrian. This is Mitchell,

and we got Frank� Yo.

and up the back here is the groom-to-be, Derick.

Hi. Nice to meet all of you.

Shots? Shots.

That's really nice, but you don't have to�

Oh, there's no stopping him. You might as well

just let him buy you ladies some drinks.

Speaking of�

refills?

Mm-hmm.

So what are you guys doing tonight?

Yeah, I wish I knew.

Adrian and Frank are being pretty secretive about everything.

That sounds mysterious.

Yeah. Uh, that's exactly what scares me.

I'm back.

Uh, so, where are you�where are you ladies from?

L.A.

Cool.

Cool.

Fu�Shit!

The cellphone thing.

Nice work, ass-jacket!

Don't blame this on me. Okay, no, no, no.

This is cool, okay? We're here, all right?

No, no, no. Just get in there,

and fucking say something!

Say what? What do you� Shh, shh, shh.

Amateurs.

Ladies, so, uh, tonight let me guess.

You are in for dinner and Thunder Dicks?

Okay, how did you know that?

You're a bachelorette party,

and that's pretty standard.

Australian hunks, mmm.

Not that I could blame you.

Okay. Well, what would you do instead?

The Velvet Atheneum.

That's a strip club. So?

I'm telling you, you girls will have

so much more fun with us there than at Thunder Dicks.

You see, the Velvet Atheneum is�

Well, it's wild, unpredictable.

You might even get a chance to see some ween.

Ween? Yeah.

Womb ferrets, clam hammer.

You know, taco huggers.

Thunder Dicks is cased meat only.

Frank, how do you even know that?

Because the Velvet Atheneum is special.

Upstairs, women only section.

So much ween.

Ween kind of sounds like fun.

Hold on a sec. Hold on a sec.

We got 'em! There's no getting them.

We already have plans.

Let them have their own night.

Jesus, Frank!

Dinner and Thunder Dicks? So standard.

You're only saying that 'cause that one guy did.

Stop being such a fucking pussy, Derick!

Seriously! All right, listen.

We're going to the strip club anyways.

Who gives a shit if they follow along?

A bachelor party and a bachelorette party?

How cute is that?

It does sound kind of wild.

I guess you're right. Doesn't really change our night.

Of course I'm right, swizzle stick.

We don't even know those guys.

Look at 'em.

They look so harmless.

I'm all for it.

Even Mitchell the bitch is into it.

You have no idea.

They're so adorable.

Look how hard they're trying.

And it would keep the real douche bags from hitting on us all night.

Why are they doing that?

Derick, is this what you want?

Is this what you want to do?

Sure. I mean, why not?

It sounds kind of dangerous.

Yes!

Tatyana? YOLO.

Yep.

Um, so, guys,

we're in.

Good! Good! That's awesome!

We thought you were gonna say no.

I'm so excited!

You guys should come over after for drinks.

Let's raise our glasses. To a great night out!

Cheers! Yeah!

Great night out!

Whoo! Whoo!

Guys, I know we said we would and everything,

but should we be doing this?

Doing what? This with them.

I mean, we're kind of intruding on their night.

Who gives a shit if we're intruding?

They invited us to intrude. This is it.

They're literally asking for it.

What's the matter? You afraid you might fuck someone tonight?

Hey. Hey, guys.

Hey! Hey!

Come on in.

Hey, guys.

Wow, this is a really nice suite.

So we're gonna have to wait a little bit.

Amber and Tatyana aren't ready yet,

so you guys just make yourself at home.

Come on, Mitchie. Pick our outfits for tonight.

We need queer eye.

What is that accent?

Russian.

It's beautiful.

Oh, this is gonna be fun. Toodles!

Oh, my God, Tatyana!

That dress looks great on you!

You think?

Absolutely!

Your breasts look fantastic in them.

Oh, my God. I am so jealous of your boobs.

Mitchie, doesn't she have great boobs?

It's not really my thing, honey.

Objectively?

Oh, nothing a great push-up bra

wouldn't make greater.

Good point. Feel.

Excuse me?

Nice.

Oh, please.

There we go.

Good boy.

Soft. Robust.

Those are nice breasts.

Oh, come on. They are perfect.

Please, Amber.

You're much more beautiful than me.

Your skin is without flaw.

That's not true.

Yes. Mm-mm-mm.

You're perfect. No.

What is happening?

Uh, Sienna.

Yeah?

Thank you. For what.

For going along with all this.

You clearly didn't want the night to go this way,

and we're gonna have fun.

I really just want Casey to have a good time.

Well, you can have a good time, too, you know.

Well, that's our cue.

Here it is,

the Velvet Atheneum!

I'm telling you,

this place has a little bit for everybody.

I'm so hard right now.

Here we are.

Gentlemen, with me.

Ladies, this way.

Ah, ah, where do you think you're going?

Well, yeah, Mitch, you'll probably have a better time upstairs.

Yeah, go and join your girlfriends, you fucking log-jammer.

Dude!

Whoa, whoa.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Hey. I'm Providence.

Hi. Derick.

Nice to meet you, Derick.

You want to go to the champagne room with me?

I couldn't possibly do�

Yes! Yes, he would like to go

to the champagne room with you

and have some fun. He's just bashful.

Providence, give my friend one of everything on me.

When he returns, his transformation will have begun.

I wonder how Mitch the bitch is doing

upstairs with the ladies?

Aah!

Too much dick right there.

Ah, enjoy it.

Ahh! That's it.

I'm having so much fun!

Yay! Hoo hoo hoo!

So what do you want me to do?

Uh, whatever you usually do.

So do you like my body?

You're absolutely beautiful, yes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

I can't do this.

Let me guess. A bachelor party?

I'm sorry.

You're a nice guy.

She must be really amazing.

You take this, and buy yourself a drink,

and make sure to give your friends a thumbs-up

on your way out just for show.

Thank you.

Yeah! Oh, my!

Oh, is that just too much dick?!

Oh, yay!

I need a drink!

I'll go with you!

Thank you. Thanks.

Ooh, let's go see that one.

She's got some big ones on her.

Yeah, okay. I'm gonna stay right here,

but thank you.

Come on, Casey.

Let's have some fun.

I am. I just�

I just want to take a little ween break.

Can we please stop calling it that?

Come on. This is your big night.

Let's have some fun.

Yes, it is.

Oh, look! It's Derick! Derick!

Hey! Hey, Derick!

See, this is perfect.

I'll sit here and talk with him.

You go upstairs, have a good time,

and I'll meet you up later, okay?

Okay.

Bye.

Oh, shit!

Uhh. Fucking klutz!

You're mad about Thunder Dicks, aren't you?

Yeah, well, let me buy you another drink, okay?

No, thank you. You've done enough.

Or not.

Sailor, can I get a drink?

Well, aye-aye, Captain.

A vodka cranberry.

Heh.

Could you be any more stereotypical?

Excuse me?

I mean, a gay guy ordering

vodka cranberries? Come on.

But, uh�

I'm not gay.

That's actually the point.

I don't follow.

I use this as a way to get close to girls,

and then they use me as, like, a sexual project or something.

A sex project?

Yeah. Wow.

No, you're a real piece of shit.

Well, I know it's like� It's questionable,

little gray area, but�

Ehh. Little gray area?

Just make the fucking drinks, man.

For the record, I like scotch and water,

and I'm gay.

Oh, shit, man. No, no, no, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean anything by it. Oh, no, no, of course not.

No, no, ho, I'm not homophobic or anything.

Of course. I don't know

how I got that impression.

I got a lot of gay friends, you know.

They hang out at my place.

You do? Yeah.

Great. I'm gonna go

make your drink, all right?

Careful. I made 'em real strong.

Ooh, I like 'em strong.

Please stop doing this.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Oh, my God. My pants are a mess right now.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, huh? Who's the lucky guy?

Derick.

"Derick," he says. Fucking Derick.

Word on the street is he's taken.

Heh heh heh. Like you can't have him.

Y-Yeah, I� Yeah.

Oh, what's this, buddy? Vodka Cranberries?

Very nice.

Mm-hmm-hmm.

Boom.

So, it's Mitchell, right?

Yeah. Mitch�

Yeah, we met earlier.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. Yeah.

Hey, what do you say me and you�

we go outside,

we get a little fresh air,

we have a little talk?

Yeah, no.

I'm gonna� Some other time?

Maybe, I guess. Yeah?

You're a little close, don't you think?

Ha ha. I could get closer.

No. I mean, I don't� Yeah, I can get closer.

Okay, I don't need that.

10 and 4, baby. Oh, where's he going?!

Whoa, okay! Okay.

This is uncomfortable.

Good. Some other time, then?

Yeah.

Some other time.

Bartender?

Yo!

Give me a scotch and water.

Yeah, so I've never actually

been to a strip club before. I�

My dad always said they were of the Devil, you know.

For you. This drink's for you.

Wedding present.

And where is mine?

Honey, does it look like

I buy the drinks for all the ladies?

No, it's cool. We can share.

No. I mean, I'm clean

from sexually transmitted diseases and stuff.

Wow. I'm gonna go upstairs

and look at men with real balls.

Sexually transmitted diseases, huh?

What? It's not like it matters.

I mean, we're engaged.

No. You and I are not engaged.

No, that is not how these things work.

Yeah, I know. I just� I mean, you're safe.

Can't be too safe.

I'll cheers to that.

Mm.

So tell me about your man.

Boslov? He's a really good guy

when you get to know him.

What does he do?

Entrepreneurial stuff.

He�He owns a few clubs, um, travels a lot.

You know, he doesn't really like to talk about what he does.

Uh, how did you two meet?

We met just a few months ago actually

in, like�in this club that he owns.

He asked me to dance and,

you know, wouldn't take no for an answer.

Next time. You will get him next time.

Sounds like he knows what he wants.

Yeah. He takes�

really good care of me.

This is the best bachelor party ever.

Sounds like you found a good guy.

Exactly, yeah.

He's just a good guy, you know, and, like,

you gotta hold on to the good ones, right?

Yeah. I'll cheers to that.

Cheers. Heh.

So how 'bout your bride-to-be?

Amanda.

It's American.

Yeah, no, but she's great.

She's a lot like Boslov.

She knows exactly what she wants.

Yeah.

Um�

I mean, I knew I wanted to get married by the time I was 30,

and Amanda's good for that.

She�You know, she fits that plan.

Totally.

As you said,

you need to hold on to something,

hold on to a good thing.

I'm not getting any younger, and�

I totally feel you.

�feel you.

�feel you.

�feel you.

Yeah! Take it�

Whoo! Whoo!

Hoo.

Whoa-oa. That's�

Yeah, make it rain on me.

You can do it. Eye on the prize.

That was hot, wasn't it, Mitchie?

Oh, my, yes!

So much ween in my face!

Kill me now, girlfriend! Kaah!

Mmm. Now I want a lap dance.

Of course you want a lap dance.

You skank!

How about I give you one?

Whoo! Oh, yeah!

Rain it on me, girlfriend!

You know what? I have a better idea.

So, tell me, best man.

Do you approve of the match?

Excuse me?

Come on. You can tell me.

Well, Derick's happy,

and that's all that matters.

Bullshit! That's such bullshit!

You know the answer's no.

So what?

So what? He's your best friend, right?

Well, yeah, but you can't make those kind of decisions for other people.

I support him regardless of what I think. You?

Fuck, no. Casey's making a huge mistake.

She barely even knows the guy.

And yet here we are.

Here we are.

Thank you for talking to me.

Come on. There's more to do in Vegas than mope in a strip club.

What do you say we gather the troops and get out of here?

I'd like that very much.

Ooh, and can we get strippers and cocaine and hookers?

Whatever makes the lady happy.

Oh, my God.

I think we met before, I think.

Okay, Frank, we're going.

Fuck you! I'm serious. Come on.

Can Providence come? Hey.

Hey.

And no. No, no, no. No.

Providence has to work, don't you, Providence?

Um, I can come afterwards, but I have my second job.

She's an angel, Adrian.

She's a fucking angel. Oh, my God.

H-Have you seen Mitch?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He�He's over there.

How the fuck�

You know, I really like that guy.

He's a wild man.

Providence, what do you think?

I think Mitch has a lot of deep, dark secrets

that could get him into a lot of trouble if he's not careful.

Like I said�

Hands!

Sorry. My bad,

but you can't blame me, right?

Fucker, do not take this from me.

All of us. All of us. Come on.

Mitch, let's go. Come on.

Frank, I'm serious.

Get your butt up now. Shh!

Frank? Hey.

I can't find Casey and Derick.

What?

Excuse me. Um, we're missing a bachelor and a bachelorette.

Uh, the bachelor's, like, 6'2", tall, thin.

The bachelorette's, like, six foot tall.

She's got short brown hair.

She looks like a bachelorette.

Yeah, yeah, I saw your friends.

They were pretty messed up, man.

They were practically fucking

on top of my bar. I can't have that.

Casey would never do that.

Derick would never do that.

Well, anyway, they wouldn't shut up

about being engaged and getting married,

so I sent 'em off to Little White's.

Figure why not seal the deal

and get them the fuck out of here.

Little White's?

Yeah. Little White Wedding Chapel

just down the street.

Oh, shit! Oh, fuck.

We gotta go. We gotta go.

What is love?

Love is patient and kind and gentle.

Love is joy. It's peace. It's happiness.

Love does not know hate or anger or jealousy.

Stop! Stop!

Oh, my!

Shit. Shit.

Sorry. Sorry.

No, Tatyana, those are real.

Mitchell, these are real. Look at 'em.

We just walked in on a wedding.

It wasn't theirs.

I don't know what to do, guys.

It was so embarrassing.

Ah, thanks.

Hey, look, we're really, really sorry.

We�Honest, it was an honest mistake.

Believe it or not, it actually happens quite often.

We're missing a groom-to-be and a bride-to-be.

Uh, I understand they came here tonight.

There's a lot of to-bes that come through here every night, sir.

Yeah, do the names Derick and Casey ring any bells?

Oh, you're with them.

So you do remember them?

You guys think this place is a joke.

We run an ordained house of God of here,

and we do believe in the true power of love.

And I'd like to believe that I remember

everybody who comes through here and exchanges vows,

but that would be a lie.

They came through here not too long ago.

I'll never forget this one.

You can keep that as a souvenir,

and if you guys will excuse me,

I have a photo booth to clean.

Look at this. Oh, he's�

Where's Casey? Look at this one.

My God. Holy shit.

Wow! Oh, shit.

God. Fuck�

She's giving him a blow job, ladies.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Hey, hey, we'll find them.

Everything will be okay.

No, everything's not gonna be okay.

Boslov's gonna kill me if he finds out about this.

Who the hell's Boslov? Casey's fianc�.

Yeah. My cousin.

Jesus. Oh.

Boslov told me that if anything happened to Casey,

he was gonna take me out in the desert and he was gonna kill me.

Oh, come on. He's just being protective.

Guys talk like that. Yeah.

No, he�he will actually kill her if he finds out

and probably you, too, and Derick.

Explain?

So let me get this straight.

Derick just ran off with someone

who happens to be the fianc�e

of a fucking Russian mafia crime kingpin?

He isn't a kingpin!

My family wouldn't allow it!

Who gives a shit?

Fuck.

I swear I didn't know either.

I mean, Casey never even talks about the guy.

You didn't think this might be important information�

I don't know� earlier?

Hey, I don't know you!

Fuck!

What does it matter?

She couldn't handle my cousin!

He's crazy!

Better they don't get married.

Does anybody want anyone to get married?

At least you have that option.

Shut the fuck up, Mitchell!

Okay, okay. Everybody just�

just calm down!

W-We just need to find them, okay?

How do we do that?

Yeah, you're right.

Um, okay, so we retrace our steps.

Um, it's possible they're back at the hotel.

Yeah, good call.

They could be in either suite.

Right, okay. You girls go back there now.

Uh, we'll walk in case they're wandering around.

We'll rendezvous back at your room, okay?

Okay.

What the fuck are you doing, Mitchell?

Just get off.

"Rendezvous."

What the fuck is wrong with him?

This is just a little fucked up.

Come on.

Fuck!

Shit.

All right, I hate to say it.

Somebody's gotta call Amanda.

By somebody, I mean the best man.

By the best man, I mean you, motherfucker.

Let's go.

Hey, it's Casey. Sorry you missed me,

but I hope you're having an awesome day.

If you have something nice to say, leave a message.

Casey,

please just pick up the fucking phone,

or just come back to the suite!

Just fuck, Casey!

I don't want to fucking die!

Don't pick up. Don't pick up.

Don't pick up. Don't pick up.

Don't pick up.

Hello?

Amanda. Hey, it's Adrian.

Yeah, I know, Adrian.

I have caller ID, like everyone else

who has a goddamn cellphone.

Is it done?

I�

What?

Did Derick get laid?

Uh� Fantastic news.

You are a great asset to this company.

You're the slut.

Yeah, I am.

Oh, brilliant job, you butt scout.

Hey, you really did the job.

I think we should go back to the hotel,

'cause Mitchie's getting thirsty.

Don't worry, Sienna.

This isn't your fault.

I will solve problem.

How?

I sent pictures to my brother Dmitri.

He's good with finding missing people.

Dmitri? Boslov's best man?

Da.

Fuck me.

Boslov's gonna find out.

Don't worry.

I told him not to tell anyone.

Da.

What is it?

Nothing. It's�

It's nothing, Boslov.

You sure?

Boslov, I'm sorry.

Where's Casey?

Ah, come on!

Party's over for Boslov.

Can you get that, please?

Any luck?

What's the opposite of luck?

Actually, I don't think there's an opposite of luck.

Tatyana sent the photo to her brother,

who just happens to be with Boslov,

so we're pretty peachy.

Shit!

And you don't think this looks bad for me?

You don't think Boslov would take me out first?

He doesn't give a shit about anyone!

My whole family is terrified about him!

I tried calling Casey, but she didn't pick up.

Have you guys been able to get ahold of Derick?

Yeah.

You guys didn't think to call him?

What kind of friends are you?

Okay, yeah, I get it, okay? Fuck.

Derick?

Who the hell is this?

Who the hell's this? Where's Derick?

And I'm supposed to know that how?

Because you have his phone.

Your friend left his phone at my establishment.

Oh, shit. How long ago did they leave?

Not long.

Did they say where they were going?

What's it to you?

Okay, okay. Give me the address there.

I'll pay you for your help. Please!

All right�

Feel like fucking shots.

but don't fuck me on this.

Okay. Got�Okay, right.

58 East Balm.

It's called the Darkcade.

Okay, thank you. I'll see you soon.

Okay, uh, Derick and Casey were last seen

at someplace called the Darkcade.

It's on the edge of town.

We'll get more info there.

What the fuck are we waiting for?!

What the fuck?

She got a lot of attitude coming out of her ass.

Back off, Mitch. She fears for her life.

Hey, I know this is a really inappropriate time

to bring this up, Adrian, but, um,

that chick totally has a thing for you, man.

Not now, guys. Jesus Christ!

And thanks for your help, big pencil!

Best friends.

Whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Where you going?

Um, to help.

Yeah, well, I was just curious. It�

I'm so fucking stupid. I should have never let her out of my sight.

You're not stupid.

Come on. Get off me!

You would say that!

What the fuck does that even mean?

You let this happen!

You assholes smooth-talked her!

Christ, if I'd only followed my plan�

Hey, don't fucking pin this all on us!

And if I don't find her fast, I'm gonna fucking die.

Oh, you don't think I want to find Derick?

It's obvious you don't give a shit about him.

What the fuck do you even know?

I know that if you were really his best friend,

you wouldn't let him get married to that fucking bitch!

Oh, because you're the authority on honesty now!

Hey, hey! Everyone� Everyone shut the fuck up!

Just don't touch me.

All right, look, everyone in the cab.

Now. Come on. In the cab!

Hey, you all right?

No!

All right, now for the next gift.

Ooh! Mine.

What do we have here?

It's a ball gag!

Yeah, we thought you'd like it 'cause you're a slut.

Oh, shut up. You're the slut.

Yeah, I am.

God, I can't wait to try this out.

Now.

Oh, my.

Tight, tight.

Mmm.

You know how this works, don't you?

Mm-hmm.

Amanda Bryce. She's the one?

You've done good work, my friend.

Eye for an eye, motherfucker.

We've got another surprise coming soon.

But for now�

Oh, yeah.

Okay, ladies.

I'm looking for Amanda.

Ohh.

Amanda.

Hi there.

She has been a really naughty girl.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Tie her up.

She needs to be punished.

Oh, yeah? Oh, I'll punish her.

I've been so naughty.

You can punish me any way you want to.

Shut up. Ohh!

Oh, he's gonna get dirty.

Oh, gosh. Pick her up.

Oh, my. Tight.

Thanks.

Yeah, you're gonna love this.

You little slut, you!

You are a slut, and you know it!

You little slut.

You s-I-u-t!

Don't you suck too much dick.

Oh, my gosh! Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Go. Go.

Bye, Amanda.

Was that supposed to happen?

This is the place.

It looks closed.

Yeah, all the good places look closed, wonder muffin.

This is the place.

This is the place.

This is the place.

Go!

Oh, excuse me.

I was speaking to a lady on the phone about�

Whoa!

What do you guys want?

Oh, yeah, hey. We spoke earlier.

I'm here about the phone.

Well, you didn't say anything about a posse.

Come with me alone.

Wait! Wait.

I have money.

Anyone else?

No.

Come on.

What kind of place is this?

It's a place where fantasies come to life.

First room, it's normal shit.

Girls, sometimes two, three, during peak hours.

And this is a little more specialized area.

But�Was� Was that a goat?

I don't judge.

Hey! Sorry.

Privacy, moneybags!

I�I apologize.

You do that again, and you're out.

Okay. You got me?

I got you.

How many curtains do you have?

Uh, this is the last one.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Make it stop!

What's going on in there?

Listen, I meet a demand that the Strip doesn't,

and sometimes people want certain things,

things they can't find anywhere else.

Please! Please!

And I provide a safe haven.

And you ask too many questions.

Oh, God.

Son of a bitch!

Dennis, not again!

Stop sucking the butt plugs!

That's what the ball gags are for!

Will you take me with you?

You go on ahead.

I'll, uh�

I'll meet up with you later.

What the fuck?!

So tell me about your friend.

Uh, he's tall, 6'2",

uh, slicked hair, thin.

He's generally a nice, quiet guy.

Heh. Nice and quiet, huh? Yeah.

That's them about an hour ago.

I mean, I get couples in here all the time.

Oh, my God.

Th-That's them.

I mean, bangers come in here all the time.

It doesn't bother me none. But these two,

they went at it without paying the piper.

Did they say where they were going?

Look, there are plenty of free places to fuck in this town.

Just not here. It's the rules.

You gotta pay to play.

"Nice guy." Shit.

And I took some cash to pay for sanitation

and a little bit more for a penalty.

He left his wallet here, too?

The idiot left his pants here!

You're welcome. Now get the fuck out!

You ready?

Shh. Huh?

Frank?

Y-Yeah.

You okay?

It's the best night of my fucking life, man.

This is the best night of my fucking life.

Okay.

I saw God in there.

H-He had blue eyes and, um,

short dark hair.

Over six feet tall definitely.

It just all happened so fast.

S-She was right there, and then he�

Oh, it's just so wrong!

I don't think they want us to strip.

What do you think goes on back there?

Amber, shut up.

Aren't you the least bit curious?

No. When the lady opened the door,

it smells like hobo dick.

So where are they?

Did she say anything?

They're not here. There's�

They're gone.

I'm sorry.

Hey, it's okay, all right?

It'll be okay. Just let, uh�

let Uncle Mitchell say something here.

Maybe we should just split up

and, uh, hold our positions, right?

Let them come to us.

That's actually a really good idea.

It is.

Okay, Frank,

you go back to the Velvet Atheneum, okay?

You three go back to the hotel.

That'll work, right?

Why is he like this?

Ah, who the fuck cares?

It's because he's on ecstasy.

Frank, what did you just say?

Yeah, I spiked his drink earlier,

Derick's, too.

Derick's, too.

What is the matter with you?

Hey! Back off, "Red Dawn."

I'm tired of your shit,

even though you're sexy.

Let me get this straight.

So Derick and Casey are out there

completely fucked up and helpless.

Pretty much.

Okay, no, no, no. No, no.

This is good. This is good.

Okay, everybody go to your posts, okay?

Sienna and I, we'll stay here outside,

and eventually they'll sober up,

and they'll find their way back somewhere, right?

Let's do it. Come on.

Go, go, go.

This is my fault.

Hey, come on.

This would have never happened

if we went to Thunder Dicks.

We're gonna find them, okay?

We still have time.

Oh, God. It's him.

Fuck.

Hello.

Sienna, I'm coming for you.

Boslov, just please let me explain.

No need to explain.

Tell Derick I have a present for him as well.

Derick, help! He's insane!

Help! I've been bound and gagged!

You did good.

You might live.

What the�

Son of a bitch.

Whoa.

Wow.

Please don't touch me.

I'm so tired.

Don't give up on me.

Hey, I need you.

You're such a fucking idiot.

He's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill you.

You better pray for a fucking miracle,

'cause we're gonna fucking need one.

God?

I'll do you one better, baby!

This is Jack Rabbit of Jack Rabbit's Rabbit Ranch�

brothel, family restaurant and wonder emporium.

Jack Rabbit?

Yeah. That's right, baby.

Listen, Slim, I got a problem

with your friends Derick and Casey

here at Jack Rabbit's Rabbit Ranch,

brothel, family restaurant and�

You got Derick and Casey?

Yeah, I reckon I do.

I'll text you the address.

Okay, we'll be there!

Thanks so much, Mr. Rabbit!

Holy shit!

Are you kidding? Kidding me?

Come on. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Ohh!

You're a freak.

Hello.

I found them. Sending coordinates now.

All right.

Be there within the hour.

Hoo!

If it doesn't work out with Derick�

I'll marry you.

Great news. It's great news.

Yeah.

No, I feel a lot better.

Yeah, I was thinking it's wearing off.

I know.

I just never get that fucked up, man.

Yeah. No, no, no, I'll tell them.

Just let me tell them, okay?

Yeah.

Adrian, I'm sorry about tonight, okay?

Listen to me. I'm sorry.

Heh. Yeah, love you, too.

Good news, ladies!

They found the long-lost couple!

Mmm. That's nice.

Okay, what the fuck?

What the fuck are you guys doing?

Sorry. We didn't mean to offend you.

This is bullshit, right?

I mean, hot girls like you

don't just go around massaging each other naked.

That's�That's absurd.

No, no, no, no, no, no! Don't cover up!

Look, I have something I need to tell you, okay?

I'm not gay. I never was.

I'm sorry. I just wanted to get to know you guys a little better,

and�and it's really fucked up.

That's really fucked up.

Yeah.

I just didn't expect this!

Seriously, though,

do you think we did this for us?

What?

We just thought it would be fun

to fuck with you a little.

What?

You're so cute,

but you try way too hard.

Wait. Are�Are you saying that you knew I wasn't gay the whole time?

Okay, how?

So what do you say?

The sheets are getting cold.

Well, then, make room, ladies!

Yeah!

Come here.

Aw, it's been a long day,

hasn't it, Mitchie?

Oh, it really has.

You were drugged and everything.

Poor Mishka.

Oh, poor Mishka.

Don't worry.

Tatyana and I are gonna take good care of you.

Oh, this is�

Not yet.

First the drinks.

To an exceptional experience.

I'll drink to that.

Mm-hmm.

Ho ho!

What is in that?

Hey, those are the ugliest shoes I've ever seen.

Are those Italian?

Well, it's about time!

Shit. Dude, are you okay?

No, I'm not okay.

They drugged us!

Quiet!

I don't give a shit who drugged who!

Your friends here owe me $5,000!

What? $5,000?

You heard me, baby.

Apparently the bride and groom here

enlisted the services of my finest thumper. Thumper?

Oh, that's a special in-house term.

Means they're whores.

Yeah, I figured.

And they used my best whore.

Honey, why don't you come on in here?

Hey.

Providence?

Gosh dang it, Providence!

Is there anybody who doesn't know your loose ass?

No.

My apologies.

It's just sometimes her level of whoreness

even surprises Jack Rabbit.

I mean, she's such a whore,

even the other whores call her a whore.

That's for sure.

Anyway, these two fuckups come stumbling in here,

recognize Providence, who takes them in the back,

and she tells me they're good to pay later.

Well, I don't play that lightly. You know why?

Because after Jack and Jill get their rocks off,

they start crying, "Oh, I can't find my wallet."

"Oh, Boslov's gonna kill me. Hoo hoo boo-hoo!"

So I chained 'em up,

'cause they ain't walking out of here with a $5,000 tab.

Yeah. Stag here says you're gonna pony up the dough.

So would you please pay the good man, Adrian,

before he kills us?

He's not gonna kill you.

Night's not over yet.

You're not gonna kill them.

No, I ain't gonna kill 'em.

And, no, I don't have $5,000�

Who the fuck has $5,000 on them?

Frank. Frank.

Hey, Frank, old buddy, what are you doing?

What? Nothing, nothing. What's up, man?

Did you find 'em? Did you find 'em?

I did, yeah. W-We did find them.

Listen, uh, I got a little problem.

I need you to bring $5,000 to the location that I sent to you, okay?

Uh, no, man, I can't. I can't.

I'm a little� I'm a little busy at the moment,

so I'm sorry. I can't help you out with that, man.

Frank, we need that money, you fucking piece of shit! Come on!

Hey, Adrian, I can't hear you, man!

It's really loud in here. I think�

I think a storm's coming!

I gotta hang up! A storm is coming!

Fuck!

Storm coming?

With 90% chance of rain!

Somebody slap me in the face.

Boobies! Damn!

We need some shots!

Get some cham�

Pain! Oh, my back! My back!

I'm just fucking with you!

Frank. Fuck.

Hey, wait a minute, baby! Heh heh.

I know how you can pay off your friends' tab.

Yeah, you and your friend

are gonna star in one of Jack Rabbit's

famous masterpiece amateur pornos!

Heh heh. What do you think?

Absolutely not.

Well, I don't see you got much choice.

Oh, come on. There's gotta be

something else we can do, right?

Look, I'm gonna give you $5,000 cash.

You're gonna give it back to me.

You're gonna pay off your friends' tab,

and you all can go home.

It's a sweet deal. Trust me.

It is.

What?

Look, when I was in college,

I shot one of these,

and I only got paid 500 bucks.

What?! What?!

Right?

Listen to the sexy lady.

We don't have a lot of time to argue,

so let's just do this.

You sure about this?

Yes.

And don't worry.

I'm gonna make it super classy. Heh heh.

Okay, whoo!

Everybody head to the studio!

Heh heh. Whht whht.

We got this, okay?

I hate that guy.

You don't have to do this.

Okay, you kids ready?

Yes.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

Okay, quiet on the set!

Lights.

Sienna�

Camera.

Just do it.

Acci�n.

Look at me.

Come on! Let's get to the titties!

Just let me do it.

Nice.

Heh. Do you see this shit? Heh heh.

Heh. This is movie gold. Heh heh.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh ho. Cine-magic.

This is so fucking weird.

I said quiet on the set!

Heh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Cut!

Boslov? Derick?

Amanda?

What's going on here?

All right, everybody, back to one!

Join the party.

What are you doing here?

Now, you, speak.

Boslov, Adrian and I�

I don't give a cold shit about Adrian.

What the fuck did you do to my fianc�e?

She didn't do anything!

You speak again,

it'll be your last time. Promise.

Boslov, she was drugged. They both were.

It was ecstasy or something, and they ran off,

and we just found them here.

Oh, really? And this is what?

This is how you celebrate?

No, please. They wound up here,

and this is how we're paying off a debt.

Who the fuck is he?

Whoa, hey.

Look, I'm the manager of this establishment.

She's telling the truth.

Now why don't you just put the gun down?

Stop it, Boslov!

I am so glad that I got to see

what a coward you really are.

We're over.

You�

you betrayed me.

I provided for you,

and you betrayed me!

This is over, huh?

Good.

And now you'll all pay.

So, who wants to go first?

Any takers?

No?

Come on.

You can't all be big pussies.

Eeny,

meeny,

miney�

Ah, fuck it.

I'll start with you. No!

Providence?

Frank was right.

You're a fucking angel!

I'm not an angel. I'm a whore.

Who the fuck is this guy?

My ex-fianc�.

Good answer.

Okay. Well, I think we're done here.

What about the debt?

Oh, don't worry. Uh�

I have other ways of making money.

Well, that was a hell of a night.

I'd say that's a little bit of an understatement.

Adrian.

Hold on a sec, guys.

Yeah, look. Um�

last night didn't really go according to plan.

Hey, I can't say you didn't do what I told you to.

It must have been difficult.

Difficult? Heh.

We almost all fucking died.

That's why I'm giving you the promotion.

Congratulations.

So that's it?

Yeah, that's it.

There's something really fucking wrong with all this.

You think I could have a minute?

Yeah, of course.

So, that was interesting.

Yeah, I'd say so.

So did you?

Did I get drunk,

do drugs and fuck bitches?

Yeah, I think I did,

but it's not really my thing.

Derick, I kind of�

I know.

You and Boslov? Yeah.

Freaky and weird,

that's your thing.

Derick, I'm sorry.

It's okay.

What do you think he's saying to her?

I think we're probably done here, aren't we?

I think so.

You're a great guy,

and I'm really sorry

if I put too much pressure on you.

It's okay.

I think I needed last night.

Okay.

Oh, I have to call my bachelorettes

and tell them I'm not dead.

Oh, okay.

You're not gonna come with us, then?

No. I'm� I'm gonna call a cab.

Okay.

I'm never doing drugs ever again.

Was it really that bad?

Well�

I called it off.

Do you know�

how much I don't remember of last night?

Derick, I'm really sorry

I didn't support you more.

No, man, it's cool.

This is something I needed to do myself anyway.

I'm gonna talk to her.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Hey, let's go.

So hey.

Hey. Thank you.

Yeah.

So, um, that was your fianc�e, huh?

Yes, it was.

So Boslov seems like a nice guy.

I'm sorry.

I just thought that you said

he was an entrepreneur.

Yeah. Um�

didn't really realize that was code at first.

By the time I figured it out,

I was just too terrified to leave.

Why?

Scared of that guy?

Come on.

Heh.

Did�Did we, um�

I guess you can't forget everything, huh?

Nope.

Heh.

So do you think maybe we could try?

Try�

Are you seriously asking me out right now?

Yes.

Yeah, fuck it.

Yes, I am.

You coming?

That's what she said.

Seriously, get in the fucking car!

You want a drink,

water or something?

What the fuck happened last night?

I can think of a couple of things.

Heh.

Listen, what happened at Jack Rabbit's�

What about it?

Uh, it was just, you know, awkward,

really fucking awkward.

B-But only at first, you know,

and then, uh,

it's just not something I'd normally do.

Eh, porn, I mean.

Like I-I'd never do that,

but I'd totally do you, you know, sex.

To have sex with or make love to.

Or�Oh, shit. Uh�

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Thanks.

Look, you're a good guy, Adrian.

Thank you.

And for what it's worth,

it's not like you're something

I wouldn't have otherwise done either.

Okay?

But let's leave the cameras out of it this time.

Deal. Okay.

Buttons.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Oop.

To an exceptional experience.

Wakey-wakey.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's not polite to speak

without being formally introduced.

I would like you to meet my friend.

His name is Luther.

Would you like to meet him?

Hmm? Mm. Mm.

Heh heh.

Whoo! I love this job!