Original subtitles

-♪ Look up there ♪ -♪ What do you see? ♪

♪ Nature and stuff ♪

-♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪

♪ Catch some fish ♪

♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

♪ Wow ♪

♪ Oh, the Great North ♪

♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪

♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪

♪ From longest night to longest day ♪

♪ In the Great North. ♪

[cheering]

[Aiden] Being a teen is tough. And me and my friends--

Tom-Michael, Sebastian, Jason-Anthony,

Calisto and Michaelton-- we have a lot of feelings.

And those feelings go down better with pancakes.

We're

-the Pancakes and Feelings Club. -Hey there, Ham.

Watching the Pancakes and Feelings Club again?

-Yep. -How many times

have you watched that whole series now?

Seven. I love it.

You sure you're okay there, son?

I mean, I know that Crispin got that new

-boyfriend and all. -Dad, I'm fine.

I am having a lot of emotions,

but I'm processing,

and I'm doing it by watching this show

over and over and over and over

and over and over till I feel better.

Wonderful, son. Keep it up.

Unrelated: Judy, may I see you

in the panic room? [chuckles]

I'm officially very worried about Ham.

I've never seen him like this.

I've only seen me like this, and that scares me.

Plus, that boy-- and excuse my language--

stinks to high heaven.

Yeah. I think Ham thought both he and Crispin

would play the field longer, and now he's unraveling.

This is not like him.

Ham's always been so well-adjusted,

-romantically speaking. -I know.

He's our patron saint of normal.

We have to get him back on track.

He gives us other Tobin freaks hope.

It's not helping that it's February,

Lone Moose's coldest and cruelest month.

The only thing anyone has to look forward to

is the Toast Of The Town Toasty Town Talent-tacular Talent Show,

but that's days away.

And Ham said he doesn't even want to go

to the T of the T.T.T.T.T.T.S.

-[gasps] -My own son

said that to my face.

Oof. We need to get his bod out of that blanket

and back into the real world, like, now.

Right. I'll think of some fun outing ideas

for the three of us, like branch trimming

or bra-- looking at branches.

You know what, I'll-I'll keep thinking.

Uh-huh. Me too, me too.

[imitates siren]

The "fun-bulance" is on its way.

Hey there, Vera. Buying stuff to eat?

Stay away from me, freak.

Ha! Classic V.

[Honeybee] Uh...

-Wolf? -What's up?

[indistinct whispering]

[whispering] Everyone is looking at you.

It's him.

Lily, don't look at him.

Look at mommy like we practiced.

[regular volume] What the hell is going on?

[Wolf] Okay, Cheesy C,

you always know all the gossip

from your nights at the bars.

-And mornings at the bar. -Sustained.

So, why are people acting so weird to Wolf?

Oh, probably because there's a rumor going around

that a couple times a week, Wolf goes to the bait shop,

buys a huge bucket of worms,

then takes them around back and eats them

with a fork like spaghetti.

What?! I've never eaten a worm.

I mean, when I was nine, Justin Norby held me down

and put a caterpillar on my lips,

but I barely tasted it.

Sorry, bud, but word is you're tasting 'em now.

Buying 'em, eating 'em, and then going,

"Mmm, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum."

Good morning. Time to rise and shine.

Wham, bam, there's our Ham.

[groans]

Big news, Ham.

I'm letting you skip school today.

Because we planned a whole day of fun for you

at all your favorite places.

It's time to get your ass up

and greet the beautiful day. Okay, never mind.

No, thank you.

I would just like to continue my process of...

[moans] ...processing.

I'm sorry, but I have to put my foot down.

You're coming with us.

[moans] Fine.

But I'm bringing my blanket.

And my TV show.

All three of you are welcome.

See, Ham, the father's soul

gets trapped in a heating pad.

-And that's just the beginning. -Mm.

♪ ♪

♪ In the movies ♪

-♪ In the movies ♪ -Mm.

♪ At hibachi, at hibachi ♪

-♪ At hibachi ♪ -Mm.

-♪ Bouncing on a trampoline. ♪ -[groaning]

You ready, Ham?

I got to say, it does kind of feel good

to be back in the laser harness again.

Oh, was that a smile, Ham?

-Maybe. -[door opens]

[gasps] Oh, no.

Crispin and Sean.

-Uh-uh. Ham, eyes on me. -[whimpering]

Dad, I just think the only thing that's gonna cheer him up

is getting him back on the horse.

You talking about Photon,

-the laser tag photo horse? -Hi-ho.

No, Ham needs a new boyfriend.

Oh, right.

Can someone please

help me down? I'm so scared.

When I smell pancakes,

it's like the world is saying,

"Jason-Anthony, I dare you to have a great day."

I really tried

to get that blanket off of him this morning,

but he bit my hand.

Oh yeah, he got me, too. Whew.

But no need to worry.

Our plan to find Ham a boyfriend,

which I've titled "Hook A Brother Up," is a go.

I'm bringing Ezra from improv

for secret-surprise game night tonight.

Ezra's desperate for a boyfriend

and compliments people constantly.

He'll make Ham feel great. You got your guy lined up?

Yes, my friend Kit's child Casey.

Kit says his kid is also fresh off a breakup and looking.

Amazing. After school, we'll hand Ham a plate

and lead him to the "boy-ffet."

[chuckles]

[Wolf] Thank you all for coming.

I have convened this meeting of the Tobin Family Crisis PR Posse

because the town apparently thinks I eat worms

like some kind of freshwater trout or tundra swan.

You're not a bird, babe. Don't ever say that.

Okay. Step one of the PR plan:

We're gonna slowly wean you off the worms.

There's a discreet facility in Ketchikan--

Moon, I don't eat worms.

Someone just made up a dumb rumor.

-It doesn't matter if it's true or not. -And it is not.

The important thing is to control the narrative.

Get you out there and show everyone

that you are unbothered and thriving.

Eh, he's doing fine, but let's not get carried away.

You got to face this head on.

So, let's all go out and get dinner.

Shows folks you've got nothing to hide

and you eat human food, too.

-"Too"? -Only. Only!

You eat human food only.

Okay. Ezra and Casey are almost here.

And I already texted Ham something

that'll get his ass down here right quick.

Judy, was your text serious?

You found the never-before-aired waffle episode

of Pancakes and Feelings? Put it on.

Oh, uh, you know, it actually disappeared again. But

me and Dad did find this vintage board game

called Couplin' Up. Maybe we should all play.

Uh, just us?

-[doorbell rings] -Huh.

Now, I do wonder who could that be?

Hi, I'm Ezra.

I love your door. It goes great with your house.

Hi, Judy.

Your skin is glowing, per usual.

And you are... Ezra's mom?

No, I'm Casey. My dad sent me.

But Casey is my friend Kit's son.

I'm Kit's daughter, a 36-year-old lesbian

who is a geologist, who is a woman.

Well, what's done is done. Come on in.

Okay. [laughs] Ham's turn.

[scoffs] Fine.

How would each of you describe a perfect date with me?

I'm actually gonna head out.

Great answer. Ezra?

Well, Ham would make any date great.

He's so smart and handsome.

And his hair is a great length.

-[door opens] -But, I guess I'd take Ham

-[door closes] -to the Toasty Town Talent-tacular

'cause I'd love to show him off.

Wow, did Ezra just win the game?

I think he did. I'm hitting the Couplin' buzzer.

Looks like Ham has a date to the Toasty Town Talent Show.

No, Ham does not.

No offense to you Ezra, but my sister and Dad

are clearly trying to set me up against my will.

Excuse me.

Wow, he is great at storming off.

Damn it.

Perhaps that extremely cheerful gay teen

and adult lesbian woman weren't the best options.

Then we just got to find some more.

If we can't take Ham to the "boy-nanza,"

then let's take the "boy-nanza" to Ham.

I'm signing Ham up

for an online teen dating site.

What the...

[groans]

You've got to be flippin' kidding me.

Ugh. This guy looks like

a piece of work.

Huh. All right, Judy and Dad,

you guys want to play a game?

Because I'm about to go Jigsaw in this bitch.

[Moon] Here we are,

eating regular dinner, like Wolf always does.

[loudly] A toast, to my common husband

and his common appetites.

Excuse me,

your chicken parmesan comes with

complimentary fettuccini alla vodka.

Ooh!

Oh, my God. Did he order worms?

[whispers] Babe, don't eat that.

But... complimentary.

-[Honeybee moans] -[Moon and Dirt chuckle]

Mmm. Oh, this guy doesn't want to get in there.

Don't call it a guy.

[slurps] So good.

I can't believe I get a whole plate

of these pink beauties for free.

Mmm, mmm. Yum, yum, yum.

You got to get down here. He's doing it live.

[slurping]

Mmm, mmm.

Oh, good lord.

[Wolf] Welp,

I don't think tonight convinced anyone

that I do not eat worms.

We'll go out on another publicity tour tomorrow, hon.

It's hard to kill such a juicy rumor in a small town.

Thanks, my Rational Rhonda.

Good night.

-Ew! -What?

Nothing. Night.

Be sure to bundle up today.

-Everything's frozen out there. -Yep,

pretty sure I heard a squirrel fall out of a tree and shatter.

I'll go tell Ham to put on an extra depression blanket.

[Ham] Wham,

bam, here is Ham!

Ham, you look... not in a blanket.

I know. And I owe it all to you and Judy.

Oh. Oh, are you being sarcastic?

Sarcastic? No.

Me? Ham? Sarcastic? No.

Okay, 'cause you sound a little overly excited.

Well, that's because I went on that dating site.

You know, the one you signed me up for

without asking me.

And I met someone really great.

He's coming over for dinner tonight.

[gasps] Oh, that's-that's...

Uh, wonderful, son.

[laughs] Amazing.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna go warm up the van.

You guys just take your time, enjoy your breakfast and, uh,

hey, thank you so much.

Thank you so, so, so, so much.

Well, looks like we were right

to give Ham a little push after all.

-[bird calls] -[shattering sounds]

Huh, that one sounded like a crow. R.I.P.

[Honeybee] Wow,

it's busy here today.

Well, the mall is one of the only places to walk around

on cold days like this.

Hi. Hello there.

Thank you for staring. Good to see you.

[phone rings]

-Hello? -Hello, Wolf.

I am a secret man,

and I know where the rumor about you started.

-Cheesecake? -No, it's not me.

I'm looking right at you.

Oh, hey. Yep, it's me.

Sorry, just having some fun.

Anyway, Mayor Peppers is the one who started the rumor.

-Who's your source? -He told me himself.

-What? -Yeah. Sorry, man.

Hey, can I borrow 40 bucks for a pretzel?

Judy, I think you'll love Kenzie

'cause he actually has a musical theater background.

Ooh, maybe we can duet.

[clears throat, vocalizes]

-Aah! -Kenzie in da house!

Oh. Uh, Kenzie.

[chuckles] Hi.

How did you

get into our home?

Upstairs bathroom window.

My dad works for a security company,

so I thought I would give you a free security check.

No charge. And guess what?

You failed. You're dead. You're dead.

You're dead, dead, dead.

And you're even more dead.

You're all dead.

Oh, wow. Isn't he great?

Oh, yeah.

And to think, I never would have met him

if it wasn't for you guys.

Kenzie, I'm Ham's dad, Beef.

Sorry I can't touch your hand, I'm not vaccinated.

-Oh. Against... -Anything.

I don't want the government to turn me into a cell phone.

Oh, uh, yeah. That's, uh--

Changing the subject, Ham mentioned you were in musicals.

You know, I'm also a performer.

Check out this little number from the last show I did.

♪ Ha'penny, ha'penny, ha'penny ♪

♪ Give me just one, you have so many ♪

♪ I'm just a boy, traveling through time ♪

♪ Hey there, brother, can you spare a ha'dime? ♪

Ooh. Incredible.

Nice. Noice. [chuckles]

Uh, what musical was that from?

[scoffs] You don't know what show that's from?

[groans] I mean, tell me you haven't been to New York

without telling me you haven't been to New York.

I got a little lost there.

Should I tell him if I've been to New York or not?

Hang on. I got to vlog real quick.

Pew, pew, pew! Welcome to the Kenzie-verse.

What's up, little pigs?

You ever go to a house that smells weird?

Drop a barf emoji in the comments

if you know what I'm talking about, fam.

Ugh.

So, why'd you do me dirty like that,

-Mayor Peppers? -Well,

Lone Moose gets awfully bleak

around this time of the year,

and sometimes, I start a rumor in February

to spread a little cheer.

Sure made me smile.

Crazy rumors cheer people up,

gives them a reason to get out and about

so they can tell a friend in person

and see the look on their face.

And it got people spending money

at our many fine local businesses

while they tried to get a peek at the worm boy.

The Toast Of The Town Toasty Town Talent-tacular Talent Show

is already sold out,

and I bet people are hoping Wolf will be there.

Oh, I'll be there, and I'll prove the rumor

isn't real myself!

Peppers, add me to tomorrow night's

Toast Of The T.T.T.T.T. Show.

My talent: not eating worms.

Okay, but there's not a lot of space on the sign-up sheet,

so I'm just gonna write "worms."

Animals, charity work and cleaning up after myself.

Those are my three biggest pet peeves.

Mmm... so, Ham. What exactly drew you

to Kenzie's profile? I'm so curious.

Oh, well, um,

he's clearly very handsome, Judy.

And, Kenzie, what'd you like about our dear Ham?

His, uh, kind nature, or--

He sent me a bunch of compliments,

and I love hearing that stuff about myself.

Does anyone want to give me one now? Jessica?

-Yeah, come on, Jess. -Um...

Girl, don't be shy. Go.

[clears throat] Uh...

Judy, I, uh, left the dessert in the panic room.

-Would you-- -Help you carry the dessert in?

Yes, absolutely.

It is so heavy, because we're having

something called... heavy pie.

[quietly] Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Judy, is it just me or is that boy--

He's a full nightmare. [groans]

Ham's obviously just blinded by his looks.

Yes, Kenzie is like a turd

covered in stunning wrapping paper.

Look, a relationship just based on physical attraction

never lasts.

But what if it does?

What if it does?

-Aah! -Aah!

Everything okay in here?

[regular volume] Uh, yes, but the heavy pie is missing

so we'll just have the other dessert that's in the fridge.

Great. We can eat it while Kenzie does his performance.

His performance, you say?

Yes. Kenzie does a sport he invented

called krav maga hip hop explosion.

♪ ♪

Offense. [grunts] Defense.

[grunts] Offense, offense, defense.

-[grunts] -[laughs]

[Kenzie grunting]

[whispering] Oh, my God.

Ham, are you pranking us?

What? No. [chuckles]

Ugh. Don't talk. Now I have to start over.

Oh, good,

I'd love to see the first 35 minutes of that again.

Fresh Prince!

Kenzie! [clears throat]

We need a quick intermission

because we all... smoke. Cigars.

And we need to go do that right now in the panic room.

-Including Ham. -No, thanks.

You come smoke a cigar right now

or you are grounded, young man.

Fine, but I'm gonna use your bathroom

to take a power shower.

It's like a shower, but I drink the water.

Ham, you didn't by any chance invite this guy here tonight

to teach me and Dad a lesson

that we should stay out of your business, did you?

What? No. God, no.

Wait, you aren't, by any chance,

regretting pushing me to get out there

because you've suddenly realized

you don't like the outcome, are you?

What? Definitely not.

We love the outcome.

Oh, okay,

because if you don't like him, you could just, like,

admit you were wrong and then I could get rid of him

and go back in my blanket like I wanted.

No! No. No blanket.

Kenzie rips.

-Great. -Great. -Great.

Well then, let's get back out there

and enjoy Kenzie, huh?

-[all exclaim] -Your toilet's clogged.

Oh, Kenzie, I'm so glad you're here.

I know you are, but what am I?

[Imitates Pee-wee Herman laugh] Pee-wee Herman.

I have something very serious I want to ask you.

-Aah! -Kenzie,

will you be my boyfriend?

Ham, we just met.

But my answer is pew, pew, pew!

Kenzie's World. What's up fam?

I want to introduce you to my new boyfriend.

And since we're boyfriends now,

we can spend the whole day together tomorrow.

We'll pick you up bright and early.

Does that work for everyone? Judy? Dad?

You'll come along, right?

-Mm-hmm, perfect. -Yes. I'm thrilled.

-Perfect. -Cool.

Later, skanks.

[sighs]

Kenzie stole my robe.

Shotgun! I said "shotgun,"

so you have to move. Hurry up.

♪ ♪

That's CGI. He's not even a heating pad.

You all believe this?

You're all sheep!

[grunts] Could you please not?

I'm trying to vlog. Hey, idiots.

Hey, you're jumping wrong.

No, that's wrong. You're jumping wrong.

I was in Shen Yun.

Only white guy they let in. Watch this.

-[grunts] -Aah!

-[screams] -Aah! Kenzie!

[Kenzie] Sorry about your face, Mr. Ham Dad,

but Shen Yun's not for everybody.

Nope, it's-it's fine, it's all right.

Oh, snap, it looks crowded.

I'll go bribe the doorman for good sits.

Somebody give me 80 bucks.

Take my wallet, go.

Thanks. Oh, and my parents are going to Italy

for a couple weeks. [groans]

So, I'll be crashing with you guys for the month, okay?

Dibs on Beef's room.

-Bye. -[grumbles] Okay, Ham,

-I need to-- -I know, I know, I know!

I know you hate Kenzie! I also hate Kenzie!

I obviously hate Kenzie!

And I know that you know that I hate Kenzie

and we all learned a thing or two,

and now there's a thing I won't do

and a thing you won't do

-and blah, blah, blah! -Yes!

We won't try to set you up anymore

or get you out of the house or try to make you happy!

We're sorry! We were wrong.

We were worried about you

and we wanted to make you feel better

so that we'd feel better.

So, upon reflection, it was more about us.

I just needed to process my feelings my own way!

You should not have interfered!

Yes, we know, Ham!

We are so far past that now, it's insane!

[groans] My choice of revenge mode

was bad, okay?

Because now Kenzie knows where we live!

Doesn't matter. We're gonna move.

Unless... Hmm.

Kenzie loves getting compliments,

and we know someone who loves giving them even more.

Kenzie, Ezra. Ezra, Kenzie.

Wow, Kenzie, you have amazing ears. And eyes.

And your hair is the perfect length.

-I could go on and on. -You could?

I love the way you said that just now.

Uh, Juniper, tell your cousin I broke up with him.

He'll be devastated, but okay.

Must you go to war?

Yes. Goodbye, my love.

That was Santiago with "Socking Private Ryan."

And now, Lone Moose's own Wolf Tobin,

showcasing his talent: worms.

No. Not worms. Not eating worms.

Good evening, people of Lone Moose.

I know you've all heard a rumor about me,

but it's very false and I'm gonna prove it.

I will now demonstrate, in front of everyone,

that I, Worm Tobin--

I mean, uh, uh, uh, Wolf Tobin,

do not eat worms.

Oh no, here it comes.

No, here it does not come. See?

I'm holding a worm

like a normal man.

Now, ask yourself,

would a worm eater do this?

-Yes. -No. Cause, see?

I'm not eating it.

But let's raise the stakes a little.

What if I dunk it in...

hollandaise sauce?

Lord, why did he bring sauce?

Hollandaise makes anything delicious,

but not worms. See?

I'm dipping and dangling a handful of these guys,

and, as you can see, I am not eating--

Oh! Oh, my God! It's in my mouth!

Spit it out, Wolf.

I can't, I can't! [groaning]

[gulps]

[Peppers] And...

that was Wolf Tobin

with his talent of "not eating worms."

We're having a pretty great February, huh, folks?

[Aiden] And in the end, we're all just

different kinds of pancakes

looking for a plate to call home.

I don't understand what that boy is saying,

but I do love this show.

Yeah, Blanket Ham knows what's up.

So, um, Crispin's new boyfriend.

[scoffs] I mean, he isn't even that cute, right?

Sean? Oof. No way.

Respectfully, he's dud city.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what I thought.

♪ Photon the photo horse ♪

♪ He's here to save us all ♪

♪ From the evil Remov-or ♪

♪ Who erases people's fun memories ♪

♪ The people feel defeated ♪

♪ Remov-or has taken their quaint memories ♪

♪ And he drinks memories for his power ♪

♪ But Photon fights him ♪

♪ And takes the memories back ♪

♪ And gives them back to the people ♪

♪ Photon the photo horse. ♪

Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT

and TOYOTA.