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DISTORTED MUSIC
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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
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CHEERING
4
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Go on, Steve!
5
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If he does that again,
I'm going in.
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That's disgusting. He's like a dog.
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Come on, you loved it
when you were little.
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Oh, it's hot today, innit, kids?
Hot, hot, hot.
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SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY
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Oh, my God.
Do you have to swallow so loudly?
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I'm sorry, right, I can't stand it.
I'm going in.
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00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,000
We'll come back out for cake.
13
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Just ring us, we'll
have our headphones on.
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SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY
15
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Hey, Siobhan, come here a minute.
16
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What, can't walk now you're 50?
17
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Be dribbly wees next.
18
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Do I swallow loudly? Listen.
19
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,240
SHE SWALLOWS
20
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:14,200
Have you taken your medication?
21
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,040
I'm not on medication. Exactly.
22
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Oh, guess what happened
at work today.
23
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:21,640
An alien turned up said
they'd all heard
24
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about your fascinating work story.
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I was on the tills and this bloke
dropped a bag of peas,
26
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and the bag split and
the peas went everywhere.
27
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,680
Leave it, Lin. Let it go.
Have a day off. It's your birthday!
28
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No, no, no. This won't take long.
29
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,080
So I said, "That's OK, mate. You
leave it. I'll sort that out."
30
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Doesn't look up from his phone,
31
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doesn't acknowledge my existence
in any way at all.
32
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But then, oh, then, he looks at
this attractive woman behind him
33
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and he goes like this.
He goes, "Huh!"
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SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE
35
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,120
Siobhan. He goes...
36
00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,680
SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE AND SIGHS
37
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And then she rolls her eyes as well.
She was a right bitch.
38
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,240
I mean, I know you shouldn't say
women are bitches,
39
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,360
but some of them just are,
aren't they?
40
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,440
Anyway, so then I'm down on my hands
and knees with a dustpan and brush
41
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,880
and he goes, "Are you going
to be much longer, love?
42
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,760
"I've got better things to do
than watch you sweep up, peas."
43
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:08,880
So I look up and he's now scratching
his balls, like that.
44
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:13,040
Sorry, Annie, a man in the shop.
45
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,400
Anyway, I nearly faint,
46
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,560
because you know what I'm like with
men's genitals.
47
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,960
Why don't you have a nice drink
48
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,840
and a little break from speaking?
49
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,400
Anyway, then I get back to my chair
50
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,720
and there's only blood all over it
where I've leaked on it.
51
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,960
So him, he sees it and he recoils
in horror.
52
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I thought, "Oh, I'm not having that
after I've swept your peas up."
53
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:38,120
So I looked at him and I said, "Oh!
Oh, you can see me now, can you?"
54
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,400
And then I looked at her and I goes,
55
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:44,000
"Yeah, and you'll be
invisible soon enough an'all."
56
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,960
Ooh, it's nippy when the
sun goes in, innit?
57
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,480
I get a creek in my neck.
58
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Crick.
59
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,280
Ey?
60
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,400
Crick. You said creek.
61
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,920
Yes. I'm going to get a creek
in my neck from the wind.
62
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,040
It's crick.
63
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,560
Are you OK?
64
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,800
Yeah. Are you OK?
I am, yes.
65
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,040
SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY
66
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,200
It was so great for Steve
to organise all of this for you.
67
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,840
You're lucky to have him.
68
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:25,240
Hmm. Well, I invited everyone.
69
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:27,080
Got all the shopping, cooked it.
70
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,680
Baked my own cake,
chose my own present,
71
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,360
wrapped it up and now
I'm clearing up.
72
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,400
But...
73
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,880
But, yeah, yeah.
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00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,960
I have had a really nice time.
75
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,720
Lin, Lin, any more sausages?
76
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,840
Yeah. Do another one!
Go on, Steve! Here he goes.
77
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:44,520
Go on!
78
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:48,720
RAUCOUS CHEERING
79
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,760
WATCH BEEPS
80
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,800
All right, let's have a
bit of hush, please.
81
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,040
I'd like to say a few words now
about my dear lady wife.
82
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,800
Oh, no, no, please.
Linda, it's your 50th!
83
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,080
I hate it, though!
84
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,200
The birthday queen,
Linda Jane Jenkins.
85
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,840
You...
86
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,960
...are well fit...
87
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,320
...for your age and great mum.
88
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,880
So, three cheers for Linda.
89
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,000
Hip, hip... Hooray!
90
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,920
Steve-o! Oh, go on.
91
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,480
Get it, go on.
92
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,160
CHEERING
93
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,360
Nice one, Steve. woo!
94
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,880
WATCH BEEPS
95
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,200
Come on, babe.
96
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:14,360
No, leave that.
I'll do it in the morning.
97
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:15,960
Mum wants to cut the cake now.
98
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,600
Oh, does she? Oh, we'll cut
it now, then, shall we?
99
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,920
Is everything OK?
100
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,160
Couldn't you think of anything
else to say about me?
101
00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:24,720
Ey?
102
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,000
Nothing.
103
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,560
Can you get the cake...
104
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,440
...knife thing, please.
105
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,760
The what? It's, it's got...
106
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,280
It's flat, it's triangle.
107
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:37,360
You cut a slice of cake with it, and
then it catches it underneath it.
108
00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,240
What? The cake knife thing!
109
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:40,760
What are you talking about?
110
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,120
It's OK. I'll get it.
You tidy up outside.
111
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,680
Got it! Here we go.
112
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,600
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
113
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,680
Merry Christmas, everybody!
114
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:54,880
CHANTING: Go, limbo!
115
00:05:54,880 --> 00:06:01,080
Go, limbo!
116
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,240
Ah, my back's gone! No, seriously,
my back's gone. What?
117
00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:04,680
My back's gone.
118
00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,560
Lin, Lin, my back's gone!
119
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:09,880
Lin, Nurofen!
120
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,200
Get the Nurofen!
121
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,560
Hurry up, Linda,
we're losing him!
122
00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:21,080
CREAKING
123
00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,760
ROCKING CHAIR CREAKS
124
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:29,360
Is that case you fall off
the chair, or...
125
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:30,400
Hmm?
126
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,800
Oh, God.
127
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,320
I'm always forgetting
to take it off.
128
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,840
HE CHUCKLES
129
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,680
How are you, Linda?
130
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,280
Yeah, OK.
131
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:48,120
There's just a couple of niggly
little things that I wanted to...
132
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:52,280
Well, I can only address one issue
per appointment.
133
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,560
I think I might have
early onset dementia,
134
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,840
osteoporosis, ringing in my
ears when I'm stressed,
135
00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:02,760
anxiety, depression,
cardiovascular disease,
136
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:06,800
and a strange mental disorder
involving loss of nouns.
137
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:11,440
Well, that's quite a list.
138
00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,120
And you're 50 now?
139
00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,240
How are your moods? Fine!
How are yours?!
140
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,200
Any irritability or rage?
141
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,720
Well, nothing unjustified.
142
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,480
Well, this all sounds
like the menopause to me, Linda.
143
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:29,840
The menopause?
144
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:34,240
So it was the one issue, then?
145
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,160
Just need to get on top of
your symptoms, and you'll be tiptop.
146
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,160
I'll print out a fact sheet
for you.
147
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,920
God, how did I not know that?
148
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,920
Some women find the shift in
hormones liberating.
149
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,880
My wife's taken up extreme climbing.
150
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,520
She hangs off cliffs
at weekends now. Ah!
151
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,040
I used to love climbing.
152
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,880
She's currently in in
the Yorkshire Dales.
153
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,720
HIS VOICE FADES OUT
154
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,120
Vaginal dryness? Sorry.
155
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:07,800
Any vaginal dryness?
156
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:11,200
No. Loss of libido.
157
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,640
Still in the honeymoon period.
158
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:16,080
Well, let me know when you're not
and I can prescribe testosterone.
159
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,640
No, it's fine, really.
160
00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,600
It improves sex drive, but
it also...
161
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,480
Can we drop the sex talk,
please, doctor?
162
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:25,080
I get it. You can prescribe me
something to keep me wanting sex.
163
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,680
I didn't actually ask for that,
but good to know.
164
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,360
Thank you. Goodbye.
165
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:32,560
And how is Steve?
166
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:34,200
Not in my ten minutes, Doctor.
167
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,600
Not in mine.
168
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,440
Thanks then, bye.
169
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:50,640
He's fine, thank you.
170
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:54,760
APPLIANCES RUMBLE
171
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:55,920
WATCH BEEPS
172
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,240
WATCH BEEPS
173
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:07,960
RUMBLING AND WHIRRING SWELLS
174
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,520
RUMBLING FADES
175
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,280
HIGH-PITCHED WHINE
176
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,680
RUMBLING
177
00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,760
Hang on, hang on.
HE CRUNCHES
178
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,040
You're leaving me because I didn't
match up the Tupperware?
179
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,880
Not just because of that, no.
180
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,880
And I'm not leaving you. I'm just
going away on my own for a bit.
181
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,160
Well, then why then?
I just told you why.
182
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,120
Yeah, but I didn't hear you.
These are twice baked.
183
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,440
I'm sorry. They're really crunchy.
184
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,880
WATCH BEEPS
185
00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,840
I'll tell you again why I'm leaving.
186
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,960
But if you
interrupt or zone out,
187
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,320
I am going to leave
you a note instead.
188
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,080
I'm not going to interrupt.
189
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,840
I'm not going to zone out.
190
00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,320
I swear.
191
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,440
I don't know for how long,
Mum, she didn't say.
192
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,520
She won't pick up.
193
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,040
She said I'll just ask her
where things are.
194
00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,120
She's been saving up.
195
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,880
She says there isn't anyone else.
196
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:34,320
She's gone to look for some
time capsule in a tree.
197
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,840
She says she wants to
be more than just
198
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,040
someone's wife or mother
for a while.
199
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,120
I'm not being a gullible dick, Mum.
200
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,320
Yeah, well, apparently she's been
adding up all the so-called
201
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:51,440
invisible work she's done
over the past 25 years...
202
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,400
ENGINE REVS
203
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,360
...and writing
it all down in a ledger.
204
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,720
Every chore, every second,
every minute.
205
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:00,880
Yeah.
206
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,760
And she's taking some of that time
back now.
207
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,360
♪ When I first came to town
208
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,440
♪ They called me the
roving jewel... ♪
209
00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,200
What do you mean, you wish
you'd done that more?
210
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,760
♪ Now they've changed
their tune... ♪
211
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,520
And this bit's weird.
212
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,600
She said an Incredible Hulk
plaster gave her a sign.
213
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,800
And that the Hulk is the only
menopausal role model
214
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,640
in the history
of TV and film.
215
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,640
It's not funny, Mum.
I can't find the towels.
216
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,880
♪ Through the woods I go
And through the boggy mire... ♪
217
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:49,440
I blame Dr Spence, putting
ideas into her head.
218
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,000
♪ Till I come to my
heart's desire. ♪
219
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,640
Well, Dave said lots of menopausal
women become selfish
220
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,360
when their oestrogen runs out.
221
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,640
Yeah, she's taken the old beast.
222
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,600
No, not Siobhan, Mum.
223
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,720
A Triumph.
224
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,720
She doesn't care what people think.
225
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,440
She said, I can tell them
whatever I want.
226
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,640
LAUGHTER
227
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,240
Lin's got cancer.
228
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,080
FIDDLE PLAYS
229
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,320
Yur's a biker ol'bur?
230
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:04,240
Sorry?
Tha's yur biker ol'bur?
231
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,600
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what you're saying.
232
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,920
I is asking you if you
are a biker.
233
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,040
Oh, am I a... Yes.
234
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,400
Yes, I am.
235
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,920
OK. Nice to meet you. Bye.
236
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:43,000
UNINTELLIGIBLE SHOUTING
237
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,160
LAUGHTER
238
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,920
HE SIGHS
239
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,120
There you go. Thanks, Car.
Cheers, Car.
240
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,680
Small, medium or large?
241
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,080
Small, medium or large!?
242
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,480
Oh, sorry.
I was miles away there.
243
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:30,040
I've come for the caravan,
actually, not the eels.
244
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,200
CUTLERY DROPS
245
00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:34,640
What?
246
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,120
Uh, I'm sure they're delicious.
247
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,480
It's just, I'm a
vegetarian, that's all.
248
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,640
And I'm not hungry at all.
249
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,920
Vegetarian townie here's come for
Father's caravan, Agnes.
250
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,240
Oh, aye?
251
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:49,640
How long for?
252
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,760
Oh, 44,000 minutes, maybe?
253
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,040
Oh, sorry.
Force of habit.
254
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,680
Maybe a month?
255
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,720
Just passing through here, then.
256
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,920
Listen here, vegetarian town mouse.
257
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,600
See that tree o'er there?
258
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,360
It's been here hundreds of years.
259
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,760
Just like our forefathers.
And formathers.
260
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:07,920
Sorry, which one?
261
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:12,640
I am that tree. And Caramel here
is that one o'er yonder.
262
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:14,080
You see this earth?
263
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:16,880
You were born on it.
By those bins, over there.
264
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,160
FLIES BUZZ
265
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,120
And one day shall
be returned to it.
266
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,160
We're a community here, Town Mouse.
267
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,680
These here people, these here trees.
These here eels.
268
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,640
We're as one. Humanity in nature.
269
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,600
Not separate, like in towns.
270
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,440
We're proud of these here lands.
271
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,480
So when someone only wants
it for a few weeks
272
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,000
that don't sit
right with us, do it, Ags?
273
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,320
No, it do not.
274
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,640
I don't really know what I've done
wrong here.
275
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,560
I can't stay longer.
276
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,960
I'm literally just here
to find a tree.
277
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,120
And then I'll be moving on.
278
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:51,440
You can stay in the caravan.
279
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,800
But we got one rule.
280
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,040
No pets, no music, no children,
no shitting in bushes.
281
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,960
You look like the type.
Oh, and a no loud sex.
282
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,320
That's five rules, I think.
283
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,760
You want this fucking
caravan or not, Town Mouse?
284
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,280
Yes, please. Now...
285
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,520
Got no pets? No.
286
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,880
No friends? No.
287
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,760
No children? No.
288
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,600
Cash up front.
400 for the month. That's fine.
289
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,040
And it'll need a clear out.
290
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,560
No-one's been inside since Dad
died in it.
291
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,600
Well, he's not still in it, though?
292
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,720
BIRDS CAW
293
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,040
LINDA COUGHS
294
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,760
It's a bit hard to breathe
here, isn't it?
295
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,440
Ooh!
296
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,720
Bit dusty.
297
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,560
It's really settling on my throat.
298
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,560
You might want to give it a bit
of a wipe down.
299
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,400
Ey? You want me to clean it?
300
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,920
I haven't come all the way out here
just to clean up another man's mess,
301
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,000
and a dead one at that.
302
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,640
I'm sorry about that.
303
00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,440
But I just didn't expect to be
cleaning as soon as I got here.
304
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,480
No, no.
305
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,160
That's a deal breaker, I'm afraid.
306
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:02,600
I'm not doing it.
307
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,960
WATCH BEEPS
308
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:28,720
PHONE RINGS
309
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,160
RINGING STOPS
310
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,080
Steve said you've left
because you've done some ironing.
311
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,280
Bollocks. Who is he?
312
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,520
Call me back.
313
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,160
PHONE VIBRATES
314
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,160
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
315
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:07,000
Nice to see a bit of fresh meat.
316
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,200
May I?
317
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:12,160
No, I absolutely don't want
you to sit down and join me.
318
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,200
Woman with a bit of spunk
what can read.
319
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,680
Just my type. Oh, got a type?
320
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,400
You shouldn't be sitting
here on your own,
321
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:21,680
pretty lady like you.
322
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,320
Why not? It's not right.
323
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,120
Why isn't it right?
324
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,280
Ey?
325
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,400
Why isn't it right for an adult
woman to sit by herself
326
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:34,080
reading and drinking?
327
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,400
I don't know. I've never really
thought about it before.
328
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,000
In case someone...
329
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,280
...tries to rape
you, I suppose?
330
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,280
What, in here?
331
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,720
SNORING
332
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:59,800
Well, there's never right time or
place, is there?
333
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,760
I mean, it could happen anywhere,
couldn't it?
334
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,560
Hot-air balloon, ghost train.
335
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:10,880
In space.
336
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:12,120
Space?
337
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:15,120
Well, where there's a will,
there's a way.
338
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,240
That's a long way off for
you, isn't it?
339
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,120
What, the menopause?
No, I'm in it now.
340
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,360
Look. Um...
341
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:31,080
Oh, Tony. Or Tone to my friends.
342
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,360
Tony.
343
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,400
You seem like a lot of fun.
344
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,080
But I'm 50 now.
345
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,360
I know I don't look it, but I am.
346
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:43,520
And I've spent most of my adult life
putting other people's feelings
347
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:44,960
and needs before my own.
348
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,600
Even those of complete
strangers like you.
349
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,880
Just politely listening along.
"Ooh, really?"
350
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,720
But I'm not going to do that
for a bit.
351
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:55,520
And it feels...
352
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:57,160
...so great.
353
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,560
Time, Tony is the most precious
thing we have.
354
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,520
And yet we just squander it.
355
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:08,840
And your time, Tony, it's not
more valuable than mine, is it?
356
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,120
No. No, it isn't, no.
357
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:15,920
So I'm going to sit here,
read my book, drink my pint.
358
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,160
You can either sit there
and be quiet or go away.
359
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,320
I'm not buying you a drink
and I'm not chatting
360
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,560
about rape in space. All right?
361
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,080
Yeah.
362
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,320
No chance of a blowjob then?
363
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,520
No.
364
00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,560
Not until I finish
this chapter anyway.
365
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,480
HE LAUGHS
366
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,920
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
367
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,880
♪ It's you I'd be kissing
368
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,280
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
369
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,600
♪ It's you I'd be kissing.
370
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,000
♪ She smiled and replied
371
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:11,000
♪ You don't know what
you're missing.
372
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:19,600
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
373
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:23,160
♪ I wish I could wed you.
374
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,560
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
375
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,400
♪ I wish I could bed you... ♪
376
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,680
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