Original subtitles

HOW'S MY HAIR?

GOOD. MINE?

SOLID.

Both: SCORCH!

FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL, VIRG.

WE FINALLY MADE THE BIG TIME.

FOOTBALL GAMES, FREE PERIODS...

CHICKS.

DUDE, YOU GOT A BAT IN THE CAVE.

HUH?

BOOGIE FEVER.

[GIGGLING]

AND THAT WAS JUST A TEST.

HAD IT BEEN AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY, HOWEVER...

OOH. HEY. HEY.

OHH. THEIR FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FIGHT.

MY BOYS ARE GROWING UP SO FAST.

WHERE DOES THE TIME GO?

WHO CARES ABOUT OUR PAST, GUYS?

ALL I'M THINKING ABOUT IS MY SOCIAL FUTURE.

WELL, I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO CHANGE.

I GOT MY TWO BEST GUYS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

I'M YOUR FAVORITE, THOUGH, RIGHT?

IT'S OK. YOU CAN ADMIT IT.

HE'S MAN ENOUGH TO TAKE IT.

OH, HO! I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU TALKED ME INTO TRYING OUT FOR CHEERLEADING.

YOU'LL DO FINE!

IT'S HIM I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

HE'S ALL IN FULL FREAK MODE ABOUT FOOTBALL TRYOUTS.

DON'T WORRY, THOUGH, BRO,

I'LL BE THERE FOR MORAL SUPPORT.

YOU MEAN TO GOOF AROUND.

EXACTLY.

VIRGIL, THIS IS SERIOUS.

YOU'D BETTER NOT EMBARRASS ME.

D-ROCK, I NEVER TRY TO EMBARRASS YOU.

IT JUST WORKS OUT THAT WAY.

[LAUGHING]

Man: LET'S GO!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

FIRST, A LITTLE BOOMBAH.

[LAUGHTER]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

RELAX, BEAUGARD.

BE THE BALL. BE THE BALL.

[GIRLS CHANTING CHEERS]

[LAUGHTER]

Virgil: WHAT'S UP WITH THAT?

I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

[SIGH]

OK. THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TODAY.

WAIT, COACH. I CAN DO THIS.

BRO, WE GOT TO REST YOUR ARM.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[ENGINE BACKFIRING]

WHAT IS THAT?

Boy: COMING THROUGH!

AAH! AAH!

COMING THROUGH! I CAN'T CONTROL IT!

OH, I'M REALLY SORRY!

LOOK OUT!

WHOA!

[YELLING]

LOOK OUT!

AAH! AAH!

LOOK OUT! AAH!

[GIRLS SCREAMING]

POM-POMS!

LOOK OUT!

EXCUSE ME!

HE'S CHEWING UP MY FIELD!

WHOA!

HEY, D-ROCK, ISN'T THAT YOUR NEIGHBOR?

YEAH--CHARLIE TUTTLE.

YEAH. HE'S THIS KID IN OUR CLASS WHO'S, LIKE, 9 YEARS OLD.

THEY SKIPPED HIM A BUNCH OF GRADES

BECAUSE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KIND OF GENIUS.

AAH!

OH, YEAH, A REAL EINSTEIN.

GET OFF OF MY FIELD! RIGHT NOW!

STUPID DORK'S GOING DOWN.

HEY, DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HE'S GOING AWAY. JUST IGNORE HIM.

OH!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

NOW, THAT'S SOME ACCURACY.

NICE PLANT!

WHOA!

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

Virgil: COME ON! GIVE HIM A BREAK!

HEY! HEY! GUYS! HEY! COME ON!

WAIT. DEREK!

DEREK, YOU WANT TO JUMP IN, THAT'S COOL.

DEREK. DEREK!

[PLAYERS CHEERING]

Charlie: PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!

GOOD THROW!

ALL RIGHT, DEREK. NICE SHOT.

THANKS FOR STICKING UP FOR ME.

I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT HOW IT TURNED OUT.

PLEASE TELL ME I DON'T LOOK AS RIDICULOUS

AS YOU DO.

NOT THAT BAD, REALLY.

THAT'S, UH... THAT'S A NICE RED ON YOU.

WELL, I'M CHARLIE TUTTLE.

VIRGIL FOX.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

[SIGH]

SO...

WHAT'S THE STORY WITH THAT ROCKET CART THING?

I ALWAYS GET A HARD TIME ON THE BUS,

AND I HYPOTHESIZED THAT A ROCKET-PROPULSION ALL-TERRAIN CAR

WOULD HELP ME AVOID EMBARRASSMENT.

UH-HUH.

YEAH.

AND HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU?

IT'S WORKING GREAT.

MY EMOTION MODULATOR ACTUALLY ALLOWS ME

TO UNDERSTAND WHAT ALBERT FELINESTEIN

IS TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH HIS VARIOUS MEOWS.

ISN'T THAT AMAZING?

Boy: HEY, WHAT'S UP, DEREK?

Different boy: HEY, GREAT TO SEE YOU, MAN.

VIRGIL? UH, VIRGIL?

HEY, EARTH TO VIRGIL.

VIRG! DON'T YOU THINK, VIRGIL?

VIRGIL, AREN'T YOU EXCITED?

YES...CHARLIE, I'M THRILLED THAT YOU TALK TO YOUR CAT.

UM...I'M NOT ENTIRELY CERTAIN,

BUT I BELIEVE YOU MAY BE EMPLOYING SARCASM.

CHARLIE, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

I MEAN, YOUR INVENTIONS ALWAYS WORK.

I CAN ONLY ACT SO SURPRISED

EVERY TIME YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO POWER YOUR HOUSE WITH TARTAR SAUCE.

[SNORTS]

IT'S COCKTAIL SAUCE!

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY?

IS IF YOU BUILT SOMETHING USEFUL.

BY "USEFUL," I MEAN SOMETHING THAT WILL MAKE ME RICH AND POPULAR--

OR BOTH. BOTH.

HEY, HEY! YOU CAN'T RIDE THAT THING...

HEY, GREAT BIKE.

LOTS OF SHINY CROME... GEARY THINGS.

[MUFFLED YELLING]

[BELL RINGS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Charlie: DID YOU KNOW THAT THE CHEMICAL CONTENT OF PUDDING

ACTUALLY MAKES YOU GROW TALLER?

Boy: IT DOES.

YEAH. THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SO TALL.

THE ELECTROLYTES AND EVERYTHING.

AND NOW... AND GO.

AH...YES! I WIN!

SENIOR YEAR, AND I'M STILL EATING AT THE DORK TABLE.

NO OFFENSE, GUYS.

I DO ENJOY THE STIMULATING CONVERSATION.

HEY, NONE TAKEN.

SERIOUSLY, HOW DID IT COME TO THIS?

LET'S SEE.

MAYBE YOUR PLIGHT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH BEING STRIPPED,

DRESSED IN MINISKIRTS,

AND HUNG FROM THE SCHOOL MASCOT?

AND HAD A PICTURE OF IT MAKE THE COVER OF THE YEARBOOK,

3 YEARS IN A ROW.

AND WAS ON ALL THE LOCAL NEWS STATIONS.

AND THE SPANISH CHANNEL.

YES, THE INCIDENT

I WILL ONE DAY BE EXPLAINING

TO A VERY EXPENSIVE THERAPIST.

HEY, HUMMINGBIRD.

[MUTTERING]

THAT'S CHARLIE-SPEAK FOR "HELLO."

HI. EXCUSE ME, MISS?

UH, WHY DO YOU CALL HIM "HUMMINGBIRD"?

OH. I LOVE BIRDS. ALL KINDS OF BIRDS.

YOU KNOW, BIG BIRDS, LITTLE BIRDS--OOH!

I'M EVEN THE OFFICIAL SECRETARY FOR THE JUNIOR CHAPTER

OF THE JUNIOR BIRD BUDDIES OF AMERICA.

OOH! SUCH AN HONOR.

ANYWAYS, GOT TO RUN.

FIX THAT.

OH, WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT.

[GRUNTING]

JEANETTE HAS BEEN SWEATING YOU FOR TWO YEARS.

WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?

FORGET IT! I'M MARRIED TO SCIENCE.

HEY! CONGRATULATIONS, BUDDY.

[LAUGHING]

THANKS.

OW.

PARDON ME, GENTS.

AH, SODA.

I HEAR IF YOU LEAVE A PENNY IN THIS STUFF FOR A WEEK,

IT COMES OUT, LIKE, SHINY.

I WAS ACTUALLY PLANNING ON DRINKING IT.

WELL... NEVER MIND, THEN.

HA HA HA!

SO, UM... HOW ARE YOU, VIRG?

I MEAN, I DIDN'T REALLY SEE YOU MUCH THIS SUMMER.

I WAS DOING, YOU KNOW, LOT OF MOUNTAIN CLIMBING, JET SKIING...

VIDEOGAMES?

I DIDN'T LEAVE THE COUCH. YOU?

OH, THE USUAL--

POOL PARTIES, CHEERLEADING CAMP.

BUT, UM...I DID TAKE THIS AWESOME ARCHITECTURE CLASS.

OH, THAT'S COOL.

I REMEMBER YOU MADE A GINGERBREAD HOUSE,

AND IT HAD, LIKE, 10 ROOMS.

AND WALK-IN CLOSETS.

IT TOOK US 6 MONTHS TO EAT IT.

[BELL RINGS]

OH. WELL... I HAVE CALCULUS.

HATE IT. NEED IT.

CAN'T BE AN ARCHITECT WITHOUT IT.

AND I GOT PUBLIC SPEAKING.

HATE IT. NEED IT. CAN'T BE A GAME SHOW HOST WITHOUT IT.

[SIGH]

THERE'S A GOOD REASON TESLA'S BIOGRAPHER NAMED HIS BOOK

"A MAN OUT OF TIME."

TESLA WAS SO FAR ADVANCED OVER HIS CONTEMPORARIES

THAT THEY OFTEN DERI-- THAT--HEH.

THEY OFTEN DERIDED HIM AS...

JOCELYN, WOULD IT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT YOU NOT DO YOUR NAILS

WHILE I LECTURE?

SORRY.

WHEN ARE YOU DONE?

[LAUGHTER]

EXCUSE ME!

AH, MR. TUTTLE.

I BELIEVE YOU ARE HERE FOR YOUR BOOSTER CHAIR.

I'LL GET IT LATER! IT'S A--

IT'S AN A.V. CLUB EMERGENCY!

I NEED VIRGIL FOX RIGHT AWAY.

Teacher: VIRGIL FOX?

HE'S OUT SICK TODAY. I HEAR HE MIGHT NOT MAKE IT.

VERY FUNNY, MR. FOX.

YOU CAN PICK UP YOUR HALL PASS ON YOUR WAY OUT.

THAT'S IT. I'M MOVING TO PARAGUAY.

Virgil: YOU EVER REALLY LOOKED AT OUR SCHOOL MASCOT?

Charlie: FORGET THAT STUPID HALL PASS!

REMEMBER THAT ROCKET-PROPULSION ALL-TERRAIN CAR

THAT I HAD BACK ON THE DAY OF THE INCIDENT?

THANKS FOR MENTIONING THAT AGAIN.

YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN ALMOST 10 MINUTES

SINCE SOMEONE BROUGHT IT UP?

LISTEN! IT TIES TOGETHER.

THAT INVENTION MAY NOT HAVE BEEN A SUCCESS,

BUT ONE ELEMENT OF THE DESIGN WAS PROVEN VIABLE--

THE QUANTUM ACCELERATOR.

YOU REMEMBER WHEN I WAS ON THAT PHYSICS- NEW-REALITY-

MANY-WORLDS-THEORY KICK?

OH, YEAH. THAT WAS FUN.

WELL, I STARTED BUILDING MY OWN THEORY BASED ON ALL THAT WORK,

INCORPORATING MY PROVEN HYPOTHESIS OF QUANTUM ACCELERATION.

THEN I PUT ONE OF THE SCHOOL'S COMPUTERS ON PERMANENT RESERVE.

THE DSL's BEEN DOING ALL THE WORK.

AND MOMENTS AGO, I UPLOADED THE LAST PIECE OF THE PUZZLE.

COMMANDER TUTTLE ON THE BRIDGE.

DUDE, NO WAY I'M SALUTING YOU.

FINE. AT EASE.

[RAPID TYPING]

WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SHOW YOU

IS VERY, VERY...

VERY TOP SECRET.

OK. LET'S KEEP THIS JUST BETWEEN US.

CHECK IT OUT.

[BEEPING]

YEAH?

[SIGH]

WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING AT IS A SUCCESSFUL SIMULATION

OF PRACTICAL TIME TRAVEL.

UH, UM... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[WHISPERING] I'M TRYING TO STOP ANY MORE OF YOUR BRAIN

FROM LEAKING OUT OF YOUR EARS.

WHAT?

COME ON.

YESTERDAY, YOU SAID I SHOULD BUILD SOMETHING USEFUL.

WELL, TIME TRAVEL IS USEFUL.

CHARLIE, YOU'RE 14 YEARS OLD.

YOU'RE TWO YEARS AWAY FROM YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE,

YOU STILL CALL YOUR UNDERWEAR "UNDERPANTS,"

YET I'M SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE

YOU CAN BUILD A TIME MACHINE?

YES! AND BASED ON MY SPECIFICATIONS,

A PERSON CAN TRAVEL UP TO 48 HOURS INTO THE PAST.

THAT'S WEAK.

PARDON ME!

HOW IS YOUR TIME TRAVEL FORMULA COMING ALONG?

[SIGH]

IT'S ALL ABOUT LIGHT, RIGHT?

NOTHING MOVES FASTER.

WELL, MY HYPOTHESIS SUGGESTS THAT YOU CAN TIME TRAVEL

ON A BEAM OF LIGHT FROM ANY LIGHT SOURCE,

EVEN LIGHT FROM A SLIDE PROJECTOR.

A SLIDE PROJECTOR?

LIKE A REGULAR SLIDE PROJECTOR?

DID I SAY REGULAR? NO, I DIDN'T.

WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

IS A COMPLEX AMALGAMATION

OF ELECTRONIC COMPONENTS

AND GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED INTERNAL COMBUSTION MECHANICS.

WHICH YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, BY THE WAY.

WE'LL HAVE TO FIND A HARDWARE GUY.

I DON'T SEE THIS AS A PROBLEM.

HEY, CHICKADEE, WHAT'S SHAKING?

YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE CHARLIE.

HE'S NERVOUS AROUND GIRLS.

NO, I'M NOT!

OH. IT'S COOL. I LIKE SHY BOYS.

UH... WHAT'S IN THE BOWL?

MERINGUE. THE ASSIGNMENT.

HEH HEH! HERE. TAKE MINE.

I'LL MAKE A NEW ONE.

DID YOU SEE THAT?

WHAT?

SHE GAVE YOU MERINGUE. THAT'S HUGE.

I JUST NEED TO KNOW.

ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME WITH THIS OR NOT?

ARE YOU GONNA BE PART OF SOMETHING,

MAKE HISTORY?

OR ARE YOU GONNA SIT ON THE SIDELINES

AND BE A PASSIVE OBSERVER?

OK, LOOK. I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.

I'LL HELP YOU WITH YOUR TIME MACHINE.

I'LL EVEN HELP YOU FIND A HARDWARE GUY.

BUT WHEN WE TRY IT OUT FOR THE FIRST TIME,

WE'RE GONNA USE IT FOR WHATEVER I WANT TO DO.

ALL RIGHT.

RIGHT.

BUT, VIRGIL,

THIS HARDWARE PERSON WE NEED--

IT'S TRICKY.

WHY?

BECAUSE HE NOT ONLY NEEDS TO BE GIFTED MECHANICALLY,

BUT ALSO, LET'S SAY,

REQUIRE A CERTAIN MORAL FLEXIBILITY--

YOU KNOW, LIVES ON THE FRINGES OF SOCIETY.

WELL... WHAT ABOUT HIM?

ZEKE? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

LOOK AT HIM! HE'S--HE'S...

PERFECT.

YOU KNOW THOSE MONSTER TRUCK SHOWS

WHERE THEY HAVE THE BIG METAL DINOSAURS

THAT BREATHE FIRE AND DESTROY CARS.

I'VE SEEN THE COMMERCIALS.

YEAH. HE AND HIS DAD BUILD THOSE.

KILLERSAURUS--

15,000 POUNDS OF JAW-CRUSHING FORCE!

I GET IT.

LOOK OUT, FOLKS. IT'S CARNIVOROUS!

I GET IT! I GET IT.

[CAT MEOWING]

YOUR CAT IS FREAKING ME OUT.

NO, THAT'S NOT MY CAT.

IT'S HIS.

HIS NAME IS ALBERT FELINESTEIN.

THAT'S THE DUMBEST NAME FOR A CAT I'VE EVER HEARD.

COULDN'T--COULDN'T AGREE WITH YOU MORE, ZEKE.

ZEKESTER!

SSS...

YEAH, NO. I HATE--

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE BEND NAMES, TOO,

LIKE VIRGILOCITY.

I'M, LIKE, COME ON, PEOPLE, IT'S VIRGIL.

I'M GONNA STOP TALKING NOW.

AMY, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THIS IS A PRIVATE MEETING.

OH, I'M SORRY.

I JUST CAME DOWN TO WATCH TV,

BUT MOM DID MENTION YOU HAD A NEW FRIEND OVER,

A BOY.

EW! HE'S GROSS!

JEEZ, VIRGIL, WHY CAN'T YOU BRING HOME CUTE BOYS?

AMY...LEAVE NOW, OR I'M TELLING MOM

YOU'RE DOING MAKEOVERS ON THE HAMSTERS AGAIN.

CHILL. I'M OUT OF HERE.

IT'S LIKE I WALKED INTO AN UGLY CONTEST.

SHE'S A CHARMER.

YEAH.

OK. THIS THING?

RIGHT, THIS QUANTUM INTEGRATION

INTO THE PHYSICAL PROPERTIES OF LIGHT PROJECTION?

LOOKS LIKE IT COULD WORK.

YEAH. MONGO READ.

OK. SO YOU'LL HELP US CONSTRUCT IT?

WHY NOT?

I'M ALWAYS UP FOR A CHALLENGE...

AND FREE BEAN DIP.

UM...

YOU HAVE A LITTLE...

NO. JUST...

SOME BEAN.

DO THAT AGAIN,

AND I WELD YOU TO THE CROSS-TOWN BUS.

SO HAVE YOU GUYS THOUGHT HOW WE'RE GONNA USE THIS THING?

THE FIRST JOURNEY BACK THROUGH TIME

WILL OBVIOUSLY BE A MONUMENTAL EVENT.

OUR SPECIFIC GOAL ON THAT JOURNEY

SHOULD BE APPROPRIATELY GRANDIOSE.

I'VE GOT IT!

TWO WORDS, GENTLEMEN: THE LOTTERY.

NICE.

ABSOLUTELY NOT, VIRGIL.

I REFUSE TO AGREE TO THAT.

OH, BUT YOU ALREADY DID.

YOU SAID THAT IF I HELPED YOU BUILD THE TIME MACHINE,

WE'D USE IT FOR WHATEVER I WANT TO DO.

NO DO-OVERS!

HEH HEH!

DO YOU WANT TO TIME TRAVEL OR DON'T YOU?

FINE.

YES!

HEY, YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO JUST PLUG THIS THING

INTO A WALL OUTLET.

THIS IS GONNA TAKE SOME MAJOR AMPERAGE.

NOT TO MENTION PRIVACY AND A LOT OF SPACE.

I KNOW THE PLACE!

IT'S PERFECT!

IT'S COMPLETELY PERFECT!

COME ON. COME ON!

VICE PRINCIPAL TOLKAN,

UH, WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT STARTING A NEW CLUB.

NO CAN DO.

WE ARE COMPLETELY MAXED OUT ON CLASSROOM SPACE.

YEAH. FUTURE FONDUERS OF AMERICA WERE THE LAST ONES IN.

IS THAT CHESTER IN THE VENDING MACHINE?

HEY, FELLAS.

DO ANY OF YOU HAVE 4 QUARTERS?

THIS THING'S NOT TAKING MY DOLLAR.

AREN'T YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING?

LIKE WHAT? CHANGE THE WAY HIGH SCHOOL WORKS?

[CHUCKLE]

NO, GENTLEMEN.

EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD HAS AN ORDER.

THERE ARE THOSE WHO STUFF OTHERS INTO VENDING MACHINES

AND, UM,

THOSE WHO GET STUFFED INTO VENDING MACHINES.

IT'S JUST THE WAY THE SYSTEM WORKS.

IT'S ACTUALLY IN THE VICE PRINCIPAL'S HANDBOOK.

UH, ANYWAY... ABOUT OUR CLUB.

UH, WE WERE--

ROOM 77! WE WANT ROOM 77.

IMPOSSIBLE. IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

OH! LIKE THIS.

[GRUNTING]

[SIGH]

PERHAPS WE CAN CONVINCE YOU TO RECONSIDER.

HUH.

EH...

HMM.

DONE.

HEH!

ALL RIGHT, SCOOCH OVER TO YOUR LEFT.

I'M GOING AFTER THE PRETZEL NUBS.

Charlie: THE NORTH WING OF THE OLD BUILDING WAS KNOCKED DOWN

TO MAKE SPACE FOR THE FOOTBALL FIELD,

WHICH WE'RE UNDERNEATH NOW.

ROOM 77 WAS ACTUALLY BUILT TO BE THE SCHOOL'S FALLOUT SHELTER

BACK IN THE 1950s.

I THINK IT'S RIGHT THROUGH HERE.

SOMEONE CALL "EXTREME CLASSROOM MAKEOVER."

THIS--THIS IS A DISASTER!

GOT GREAT BONES, THOUGH.

Aly and A.J.: ♪ LIFE IS GOOD, I CAN'T COMPLAIN ♪

♪ I MEAN, I COULD, BUT NO ONE'S LISTENING ♪

♪ YOUR IMAGE OVERWHELMS MY BRAIN ♪

♪ AND IT FEELS GOOD ♪

♪ GOOD, GOOD ♪

♪ NOW I'M ROLLING MY WINDOW DOWN ♪

♪ I LOVE THE WIND, BUT I HATE THE SOUND ♪

♪ YOU'RE LIKE A TATTOO THAT I CAN'T REMOVE ♪

♪ AND IT FEELS GOOD ♪

♪ IT FEELS GOOD, IT FEELS GOOD ♪

♪ LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE ♪

♪ HOLDING ON, WHITE KNUCKLES, LIKE ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ UP AND DOWN AND SIDE TO SIDE ♪

♪ EVERY INCH OF ME IS LIKE ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ I'M HOLDING ON ♪

♪ LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE ♪

♪ LIKE I'M RUNNING A RED LIGHT ♪

♪ LIKE A ROCKET SHIP IN FLIGHT ♪

♪ THERE'S NOTHING ELSE THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE ♪

♪ WHOO! ♪

♪ LIKE A ROLLERCOASTER RIDE ♪

♪ HOLDING ON, WHITE KNUCKLES, LIKE ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

♪ UP AND DOWN AND SIDE TO SIDE ♪

♪ EVERY INCH OF ME IS LIKE ♪

♪ WHOO! ♪

♪ WHOA, WHOA ♪

OK!

THIS IS IT!

WHOA.

ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN,

BUT ONE VERY LARGE...

NO, THAT'S NOT IT.

ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN...

DUDE, JUST TURN IT ON!

[BEEPING AND WHIRRING]

GOOD GRAVY!

SCRATCH!

IT'S SCORCH!

RIGHT.

SO...

WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST?

BE THE WORLD'S FIRST TIME TRAVELER.

I JUST ATE A MEATBALL SANDWICH.

I MIGHT GET CRAMPS.

YEAH, AND, UH...

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE SHIRT.

[MEOW]

GET THE GOGGLES.

[CHARLIE MUTTERING]

YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE GOOD.

NO BITING. NO BITING.

OK.

[SCREECHING]

WHERE'S ALBERT FELINESTEIN?

DID YOU...

HELLO!

VORTEX! HE COULD DIE!

YOU WERE OK WITH ME GOING IN THERE.

WHAT--WHAT--

WELL, I WAS GONNA--

HANG ON.

[ROWR]

WHOA!

CATSICLE.

VIRGIL! TIME TRAVEL'S UNPREDICTABLE!

THE TEMPERATURES CAN BE HIGHLY VARIABLE!

THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME--

GUYS?

TAKE A LOOK AT THE WATCH.

8:43!

8:44!

EXACT ONE-MINUTE DIFFERENTIAL!

THAT MEANS...

YOUR CAT IS THE FIRST TIME TRAVELER IN HISTORY.

WE DID IT!

[YELLING]

[BEEPING]

[SIGH]

HUH.

THAT'S BIZARRE.

I GOT A READING FROM THE SUMMERTON SENSOR

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH OFF THE CHARTS,

BUT WE GOT NOTHING AROUND IT.

HMM. YOU THINK THEY GOT ANYTHING ON THAT UPSTAIRS?

THEY WOULD HAVE CALLED US ALREADY.

IT'S PROBABLY JUST ANOTHER COMPUTER GLITCH.

YOU KNOW THEY GIVE US BASEMENT DWELLERS THE LAME-O EQUIPMENT.

PLUS ALL THE GOOD SNACKS ARE UPSTAIRS.

[GARBLED] I MEAN, SERIOUSLY...

TRY ONE OF THESE. THEY'RE STALE.

[SNIFF]

Derek: COME ON, STEPH.

I MEAN, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE ME?

SHE'S JUST TEACHING ME FRENCH.

HMM. SO JOCELYN LEE IS TUTORING YOU IN FRENCH

AND THAT'S ALL?

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

SEE? THAT'S WHY I NEED HER HELP.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

I SAID,

"MY BOYFRIEND IS A LYING CHEESEBRAIN."

COME ON, STEPH.

I MEAN, JOCELYN'S HOT, BUT SHE'S A TOTAL BOTTOM FEEDER.

I WOULD NEVER GO THERE.

I KNOW.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER, OK?

OK.

OH. HEY, STEPH. I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

OH, HEY. ARE YOU STUDYING?

YEAH. I WAS ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR A PENCIL SHARPENER.

OH. I HAVE ONE.

DO YOU HAVE A PENCIL?

SAME OLD VIRG. NEVER CHANGES.

WELL, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED MUCH, EITHER.

DOES YOUR HAIR STILL FRIZZ UP

WHEN YOU RUN THROUGH THE SPRINKLERS?

OH, TOTALLY. THIS MORNING BEFORE SCHOOL,

I SET UP THE WIGGLY WORM IN THE FRONT LAWN.

I LOVE THE WIGGLY WORM!

YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME I ALMOST DROWNED?

BECAUSE DEREK SHOVED THE NOZZLE UP YOUR NOSE?

YEAH! THEN HE TRIED TO RUN AWAY,

AND HE CRACKED HIS HEAD ON THE TELEPHONE POLE.

SHH!

SHH!

SHH!

I MISS US.

TRES AMIGOS.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, DEREK REALLY DID TRY TO STOP THOSE FOOTBALL PLAYERS,

BUT YOU KNOW HOW SENIORS ARE.

ANYWAY, I KNOW HE FEELS REALLY BAD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THAT DAY.

YOU KNOW, THEY SAY THAT PEOPLE WHO DON'T LET GO OF THE PAST

DIE FASTER...

AND GET MORE ACNE.

SWEATING LIKE 5 HOGS.

DUE TO THE VARYING IRREGULARITIES IN TEMPERATURE,

I THOUGHT WE SHOULD BE PREPARED!

OK. GOT THE WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS RIGHT HERE.

OK. IN ORDER TO GUARANTEE THAT THE VORTEX MAINTAINS STABILITY LONG ENOUGH

FOR US TO RETURN SAFELY,

WE'RE ONLY GONNA HAVE 10 MINUTES ON THE OTHER SIDE.

OTHERWISE, WE RUN THE RISK OF EXPLODING.

UH...

THAT'S FUNNY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID "EXPLODING."

I DID.

ACTIVATING GRID.

UM...WHAT'S WITH THE GRAPPLING HOOK?

YOU MAKING FUN OF THE HOOK?

WHAT? NO. NO, NO, NO.

I LOVE--LOVE THE HOOK.

OK.

NEXT STOP, FUNKYTOWN.

[YELLING]

I JUST REMEMBERED, I FORGOT TO TRIPLE-CHECK THE--THE...

YAH! OW! OH. OH.

[YELLING]

[YELLING]

WE GOT TO WORK ON OUR LANDINGS.

IT'S 1:27 YESTERDAY.

WE DID IT!

OH, YES, WE DID IT! WE'RE--WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS!

♪ WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS ♪

♪ WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS ♪

♪ WE'RE TIME, WE'RE TIME, WE'RE TIME, WE'RE TIME ♪

♪ WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS ♪

♪ WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS... ♪

IS HE OK?

♪ WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS ♪

HE REALLY LOVES SCIENCE.

♪ WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS ♪

♪ WE'RE TIME TRAVELERS ♪

ONE LOTTERY TICKET, PLEASE.

THESE ARE THE NUMBERS.

WE'RE FEELING LUCKY.

UH-HUH.

ARE YOU FEELING LIKE YOU HAVE I.D.?

YOU NEED TO BE 18 TO BUY A LOTTERY TICKET.

HI. WE NEED TO ASK YOU A FAVOR.

HE WANTS A TIP.

OH.

YEAH. OK.

WE NEED YOU TO BUY US A LOTTERY TICKET...

WITH... THESE NUMBERS.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

TYPICAL.

OH.

IT'S ALL I GOT.

OK?

YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS, WE HAVE TWO MINUTES TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL.

NEW PLAN: WE'LL MEET YOU HERE TOMORROW AT 12:00.

HANG ON TO THE TICKET TILL THEN. OK?

OK!

OK. THAT'S THE SECOND FLUCTUATION OF THE EXACT SAME MAGNITUDE

IN THE EXACT SAME LOCATION.

I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S A TECHNICAL GLITCH.

WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?

YOU THINK THEY ALL OF A SUDDEN

STARTED DRILLING FOR OIL IN SUMMERTON?

NOW, LET'S JUST GET BACK TO WORK, ALL RIGHT?

CAN YOU HELP ME UNKNOT THIS?

[CROWD CHATTERING]

Woman: AN INCREDIBLE STORY FROM SUMMERTON THIS AFTERNOON.

THE WINNER OF THE STATE LOTTERY ANNOUNCED LAST NIGHT

HAS TURNED OUT TO BE NONE OTHER THAN ROBOT MAN!

TOLD YOU.

OK. SO TOMORROW, WE GO BACK IN TIME

AND GET A NEW LOTTERY TICKET,

BUT THIS TIME, WE BE SURE--

NO, VIRGIL! IT'S WRONG.

IT'S CHEATING.

RIGHT. IT IS CHEATING.

OK, NEW PLAN:

WE GO ON TV WITH THE MACHINE, DO AN INFOMERCIAL,

SELL, LIKE, 8,000 OF THEM,

AND INSTANTLY BECOME RICH

AND HUMONGOUSLY POPULAR!

AND THEY SAY YOU CAN'T BUY HAPPINESS.

LISTEN TO ME!

IF ANYONE FINDS OUT ABOUT THIS TIME MACHINE,

IT'LL BE THE END OF ME, YOU, AND ZEKE--

THE END!

CAN YOU BACK UP? I HAVE PERSONAL SPACE ISSUES.

OHH, NO.

[BELL RINGS]

WE JUST GOT TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.

I KNOW THERE'S AN IMPORTANT USE FOR THE MACHINE.

WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING RICH AND POPULAR?

I'M KIDDING.

I'M KIDDING!

MOSTLY.

HEY, CHESTER, LOOKING FOR THESE?

HEY!

GIVE ME THOSE!

[STUDENTS GASPING]

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU'RE TRYING OUT A NEW LOOK, CHESTER,

LET ME BE THE FIRST TO SAY IT'S NOT WORKING.

THOSE KIDS STOLE MY CLOTHES. CAN YOU HELP ME GET THEM BACK?

[SIGH]

I'D LIKE TO-- REALLY, I WOULD--

BUT THAT WOULD BE ALTERING THE DELICATE SOCIAL SYSTEM

HERE AT THE SCHOOL.

SO...GOOD LUCK.

[LAUGHTER]

VIRGIL, I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA.

YOU MEAN, TO USE THE TIME MACHINE...

EXACTLY!

HA!

HA!

STARCH!

AGAIN, SCORCH.

DID YOU EVEN READ THE INSTRUCTIONS I E-MAILED YOU?

I'M SORRY.

OK. SO--SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU'RE SAYING WE BECOME, LIKE,

SILENT HEROES TO THE UNCOOL?

LOOK AROUND.

WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE MERE MINUTES

CAN MAKE OR BREAK A PERSON'S ENTIRE FUTURE.

TAKE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME FRESHMAN YEAR.

HAD I KNOWN THAT STICKING UP FOR CHARLIE WOULD HAVE RUINED MY LIFE,

I NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL US HOW YOU REALLY FEEL?

THINK ABOUT ALL THE KIDS AT THIS SCHOOL...

LIKE CHESTER, LIKE US.

WE ALL LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR OF HUMILIATION

BECAUSE WE HAPPEN TO BE SMALLER, LESS COORDINATED,

WHATEVER.

WE CAN CHANGE THAT.

THE MINUTEMEN MUST USE THEIR POWERS FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE...

AND THEN WE FOCUS ON GETTING RICH.

AGAIN, I'M--I'M KIDDING.

WHO ARE THE MINUTEMEN?

WE. US.

THE ALL-IMPORTANT MINUTES IN TIME.

CLEVER, RIGHT?

SORT OF.

NOT REALLY.

FORGET IT!

NONE OF THESE REMOTE-CONTROL HOOKUPS ARE GONNA WORK.

THIS IS NO GOOD!

WE HAVE TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ADJUSTMENTS WHILE WE'RE BACK IN TIME.

WELL, I GUESS ONE OF US

IS JUST GONNA HAVE TO HANG BACK.

NOT IT!

NOT IT!

NOT IT! OHH!

DANG IT!

THIS IS UNFAIR! I INVENTED THE MACHINE.

OK. RE-DO.

NOT IT!

NOT IT!

NOT IT! DAAA!

DOUBLE DANG IT!

Jeanette: NOT IT!

THAT WAS FUN. NOT IT!

UH...JEANETTE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR A CLUB TO JOIN,

AND I SAW YOURS ON THE VICE PRINCIPAL'S LIST.

THE "BACK TO THE FUTURE" FAN CLUB?

OH. RIGHT.

I LOVE THAT MOVIE. HEH!

EVEN THOUGH I NEVER REALLY SAW IT.

BUT I TOTALLY LOVE THE WHOLE IDEA OF TIME TRAVEL.

I MEAN, IT'S JUST SO... SCIENCE-FICTIONY?

ACTUALLY, JEANETTE, YOUR TIMING IS INTERESTING.

NO, IT ISN'T, VIRGIL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

UH...AHEM. EXCUSE US.

THINK ABOUT IT.

[ALL WHISPERING]

SHH!

SHH!

NO! NO! NO...

LISTEN TO ME.

NO! NO! NO...

THINK ABOUT IT.

NOOOOO!

YOU'RE WRONG! YOU'RE WRONG!

NO HITTING. OK.

JEANETTE, HAVE A SEAT.

OH! WHOA.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, RIGHT?

SURE THING, PUFFIN.

UM, BUT FIRST...

WE SO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE OUTFITS.

HMM?

HUH?

THERE YOU GO. THAT'S BETTER.

WHERE DID YOU GET THESE?

MY DAD JUST BOUGHT SKI WORLD.

HOW LUCKY IS THAT?

I MEAN, HAD HE STILL OWNED THE SHRIMP AND WAFFLE HUT,

THAT WOULD BE, LIKE, NO HELP AT ALL. HEH!

YEAH.

Virgil: I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMETHING FORM-FITTING

THAT WOULD HIGHLIGHT THESE MASSIVE GUNS.

BRO, YOU'RE BUILT LIKE A CHIHUAHUA.

YEAH, WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE A YETI IN THAT THING.

YOU PROBABLY THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT A YETI IS.

DO YOU?

VIRGIL, GROW UP!

ME GROW UP? HOW ABOUT YOU GROW UP?

HEY, DON'T YELL AT CHARLIE.

I'M NOT YELLING...

[YELLING]

Charlie: I NEVER YELL AT PEOPLE--WHOA!

Zeke: NO YELLINGGGGGG!

I NEVER THOUGHT TIME TRAVEL WOULD INVOLVE SO MUCH BICKERING.

OH, MAN!

OHH...

Virgil: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, FRIEND.

UH, IF YOU GUYS ARE GONNA PICK ON ME,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A NUMBER.

DON'T BE AFRAID.

WE'RE HERE TO HELP.

OH, WHAT'S GOING ON, FELLAS?

OH. YOU CAN KEEP THOSE.

I GOT MYSELF SOME NEW THREADS.

WHO WERE THOSE SNOWSUIT GUYS?

AFTER 20 YEARS OF SERVICE,

THE BOARD GIVES YOU EITHER A GOLD WATCH

OR ONE OF THESE.

MY SWEET LITTLE CASTLE.

DON'T TOUCH IT!

IT'S GOING IN MY OFFICE IN A BULLETPROOF GLASS CASE.

IT'S DELICATE.

AARGH!

[YELLING]

DID WE WIN? DID WE WIN?

OH, WE WON, ALL RIGHT. WE WON BIG.

Tolkan on P.A.: NURSE RATCHED AND COACH BOB

HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE,

AND THEY ASSURE ME THAT IT IS NOT CONTAGIOUS.

ONE MORE THING BEFORE WE WRAP UP THIS MORNING'S ANNOUNCEMENTS:

RECENTLY, A GROUP OF STUDENTS DRESSED IN SNOWSUITS

DISRUPTED A GYM CLASS.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, THEY DESTROYED MY PRECIOUS DIORAMA.

WHOEVER YOU STUDENTS ARE,

LET ME MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR

THAT ONCE YOU ARE IDENTIFIED, YOU WILL BE SEVERELY PUNISHED.

THAT IS ALL.

COOL!

WE'RE OUTLAWS.

ON THE RUN FROM JOHNNY LAW.

NAUGHTINESS!

THAT'S, UH-- THAT'S WHAT MY MOM CALLS ME

WHEN I FORGET TO FLOSS.

DUDE.

PERFECT...

EXCEPT I THINK THAT'S A DANGLING PARTICIPLE.

HATE IT WHEN THOSE THINGS DANGLE.

PICK IT UP IN 5 MINUTES.

UH...OK?

I'M TOTALLY TIRED, AND I NEED TO SIT DOWN.

YOU THINK MAYBE

YOU COULD JUST BRING THE FOOD TO OUR TABLE?

YOU KNOW, BEND THE RULES

JUST A LITTLE BIT,

EUGENE...VON...GOZERBERG?

UH...YOU BET.

GREAT.

SO, DO YOU THINK YOU GET IT?

YEAH.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

H-HERE YOU G-GO.

UNH!

[LAUGHTER]

NICE ONE, DORK.

WAY TO GO, EUGENE.

EUGENE...VON...GOZERBERG?

UH...YOU BET.

GREAT.

H-HERE YOU...

G-GO.

UNH!

AAH!

AAH!

[LAUGHTER]

ALL RIGHT! THE SNOWSUIT GUYS!

WAY TO GO, SNOW GUYS!

WAY TO GO, EUGENE.

WHOA. DEJA VU.

THE JIG IS UP, SKI CLUB,

OR SHOULD I SAY... SNOWSUIT GUYS?

Corbin Bleu: ♪ LOOKING BACK, PUSHING WITH THE REWIND ♪

♪ CHANGING EVERY WRONG OR RIGHT THAT YOU SEE ♪

♪ IF YOU COULD, DON'T YOU THINK THAT YOU WOULD ♪

♪ MAKE YOU WORLD JUST LIKE YOU WANT IT TO BE? ♪

♪ NOW, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE ♪

♪ THERE'S A WILL, THERE'S A WAY ♪

♪ GOT TO STAY IN THE GAME, GO THE DISTANCE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU LIVE AND YOU LEARN ♪

♪ THAT IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK ♪

♪ BUT YOU WIN IN THE END WITH PERSISTENCE ♪

♪ MIX IT UP, GET IT RIGHT ♪

♪ GO FOR ANOTHER TRY ♪

♪ STILL RUN IT BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ REPLAY, HIT REWIND ♪

♪ THIS TIME YOU'LL DO IT RIGHT ♪

♪ YOU RUN IT BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ RUN IT BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ ON YOUR MARK, GET SET ♪

♪ LET'S GO ♪

♪ AW, YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN IF YOU WANT IT TO ♪

♪ TICK, TOCK, TIME TO ROCK ♪

♪ YOU KNOW ♪

♪ THE FUTURE'S UP TO YOU ♪

♪ ONE MORE TIME NOW ♪

♪ MIX IT UP, GET IT RIGHT ♪

♪ GO FOR ANOTHER TRY ♪

♪ STILL RUN IT BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ REPLAY, HIT REWIND ♪

♪ THIS TIME YOU'LL DO IT RIGHT ♪

♪ YOU RUN IT BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ RUN IT BACK AGAIN ♪

YEAH, I PARTY WITH THEM ALL THE TIME.

COOL.

AND WHO'S THIS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, EUGENE?

OH. HEY, VIRGIL.

YEAH, IT'S NOBODY YOU KNOW.

I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT THE SNOWSUIT GUYS.

OH! YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT THEM.

THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TOTAL HEROES.

OH, AND I HEAR THE MEDIUM-HEIGHT GUY IS, LIKE,

EXTREMELY HILARIOUS AND DEVASTATINGLY HAND...SOME.

AND THEY'RE CALLED THE MINUTEMEN,

NOT THE SNOWSUIT GUYS.

ALL I KNOW IS EUGENE'S COPPED AN ATTITUDE.

YOU WANT AN ATTITUDE, CHECK OUT CHESTER.

AM I A TRENDSETTER? YOU TELL ME, AMIGO.

I MEAN, WHO ELSE ARE THESE KIDS SUPPOSED TO LOOK UP TO

TO SET TRENDS,

THOSE DOORKNOBS?

[LAUGHING]

VIRGIL? VIRGIL? VIRGIL.

I ALMOST CALLED YOU LAST NIGHT,

BUT I WANTED TO TELL YOU IN PERSON.

WHAT--WHAT'S GOING ON?

I GOT ACCEPTED AT U.C. BELMONT!

GET OUT!

BUT...IT'S NOT A DONE DEAL YET.

I APPLIED FOR A CHEERLEADING SCHOLARSHIP,

AND THEY'RE SENDING A SCOUT OVER THIS WEEK,

WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO WORK EXTRA HARD ON MY PYRAMID DISMOUNT.

THAT'S SO COOL. I'M SO PSYCHED FOR YOU!

YOU LOVE THAT SCHOOL!

I KNOW.

Derek: STEPH!

OH. DEREK.

AH.

I GOT TO GO TELL HIM ABOUT THE SCHOLARSHIP.

SO...I'LL SEE YOU LATER, VIRG. BYE.

CHARLIE, WHAT'S WRONG?

OK. WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU

ABOUT THE TIME TRAVEL FORMULA.

AS YOU REMEMBER,

THERE WAS ONE LAST PIECE OF THE EQUATION

THAT EVADED MY MIND FOR SEVERAL YEARS

UNTIL I FINALLY FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

DOING AN EXTENSIVE AROUND-THE-CLOCK INTERNET DOWNLOADING PROCEDURE.

HE WAS HACKING.

IT GETS WORSE.

I STOLE IT FROM NASA.

YOU ROBBED NASA?

UNH!

[WHISPERING] ALL RIGHT. IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS.

YES, IT IS. IT'S WORSE THAN IT SOUNDS.

THE FILES WERE FROM THE 1960s. THEY WERE DEFUNCT.

NO ONE HAS TOUCHED THEM FOR DECADES.

THIS IS BAD, REAL BAD.

WE COULD GO TO PRISON!

OH, JUST SO YOU GUYS KNOW,

IF WE DO GO TO PRISON AND WE SHARE THE SAME CELL,

I SNORE LIKE A CHAINSAW.

THAT'S GREAT!

THIS WON'T BE A PROBLEM, OK?

AS LONG AS WE JUST DON'T USE THE MACHINE FOR A WHILE AND LAY LOW.

MMM. DROPPED A GRAPE.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

FORGET IT, VIRGIL.

IT'S TERRIBLE THAT STEPHANIE FELL OFF THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID,

BUT FORGET IT!

I MEAN, WE ALL SAID THAT WE WERE BEING WATCHED, RIGHT?

THE HEAT IS ON!

LOOK, CHARLIE, IF WE DON'T HELP STEPHANIE,

SHE COULD LOSE OUT ON HER SCHOLARSHIP.

WE HAVE TO GO BACK.

YOU JUST WANT TO BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BIG, CREEPY CRUSH ON HER.

OH! CREEPY CRUSH? I VOTE YES.

CHARLIE, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.

THE FILES YOU HACKED INTO WERE DEFUNCT.

I BET NOBODY EVEN KNOWS THEY'RE MISSING.

NEED I REMIND YOU,

WE ARE THE MINUTEMEN...

NOT THE WEENIEMEN.

DON'T BE LATE FOR DINNER.

[YELLING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

OK. WE NEED A PLAN OF ACTION.

WE NEED TO BE EXTREMELY DISCREET.

AT THE SAME TIME, BOLD AND DECISIVE.

ZEKE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

HURRY UP.

ZEKE?

WHERE DID HE GO?

WELL, AT LEAST WE GOT THE "BOLD AND DECISIVE" PART.

GO! GO!

COME BACK HERE!

[CRASH]

AAH!

SNOWSUIT GUYS.

Girl: AND UP!

WHAT'S UP, GENE?

HEY, DUDES, MIND IF I HACK IN?

STOP! HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

LET'S GO, RAMS!

WHOO!

OH!

OOH!

OH...OH...OH...

[SCREAMING]

Girl: GOOD CATCH, SNOWSUIT GUY!

WOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE,

BUT YOU'RE AMAZING.

GET OUT.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

GET--AAH!

UNH!

ERR!

ALL RIGHT!

WAY TO GO, SNOWSUIT GUYS!

AND WE'RE CALLED THE MINUTEMEN!

YEEHA!

HEY. LOOK AT CHESTER.

LOOKING GOOD, CHESTER.

ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS,

YOU GUYS ARE IN MY WAY.

LEAVE US ALONE, CHESTER.

QUITE FRANKLY, I'M NOT FOND OF YOUR HAT.

EXCUSE ME. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

CHESTER AND HIS FRIENDS KEEP HARASSING US.

SHUT UP, DIRTBALL!

ALL RIGHT. EVERYBODY JUST SETTLE DOWN.

CHESTER, LAST I REMEMBER, YOU WERE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOD CHAIN,

AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE STUDENTS LEAP-FROGGING

TO A HIGHER SOCIAL STATUS,

SO YOU COME WITH ME.

"RAM'S HORN"?

THANKS.

SURE.

"ROBOT MAN SUES OLD LADY"?

VIRGIL, THIS IS BAD.

WE'RE CHANGING THE OUTCOME OF THINGS WE NEVER PLANNED ON.

OUR JUMPS ARE CAUSING A CHAIN REACTION.

HOW SO?

CHESTER GETTING IN TROUBLE?

THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

ROBOT MEN SUING OLD LADIES!

DAW! THAT'S A WORLD GONE MAD!

MAD, I TELL YOU!

GLOBAL WARMING.

HE'S REALLY FREAKED OUT.

HEY. YOU, UH, NEED A HAND?

UH, STEPH? NOT--NOT REALLY. UM, WHAT ARE YOU--

WELL, JUST I FIGURED IT'S THE LEAST I COULD DO,

YOU KNOW, TO THANK YOU.

WELL, FOR WHAT?

FOR SAVING ME,

SNOWSUIT GUY.

WHAT? WHAT? NO.

OH, DON'T EVEN TRY IT, VIRG.

"GET OUT"? PLEASE.

YOU, CHARLIE, AND ZEKE THOMPSON

ARE THE SNOWSUIT GUYS.

STEPHANIE.

OH, I KNEW IT!

OH, THAT IS SO COOL!

SEE, IF I FIGURED IT OUT BECAUSE I STARTED THINKING ABOUT IT.

ALL THOSE KIDS THAT YOU HELPED, IT WAS ALWAYS

RIGHT BEFORE SOMETHING BAD WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN

JUST LIKE WITH ME!

STEPH, THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

HOW IN THE WORLD ARE WE GONNA KNOW

WHEN SOMETHING BAD IS GONNA HAPPEN?

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I ASKED MYSELF,

AND I THOUGHT ABOUT IT, AND I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

AND I FIGURED IT OUT.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YES, I DID.

NO. YOU COULDN'T HAVE.

ADMIT IT, VIRGIL.

YOU, CHARLIE, AND ZEKE ARE PSYCHIC.

ARE TIME TRAVELERS?

WHAT? WHO SAID TIME TRAVELERS?

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

GET OUT.

WE'RE PSYCHIC. WE'RE PSYCHIC. NO.

I HEARD YOU-- YOU--YOU'RE RIGHT.

UH-UH, VIRGIL. YOU SAID TIME TRAVEL.

OH, MY GOSH! THAT IS SO COOL!

HOW DO YOU DO IT, HUH, HUH, HUH?

[CROWD CHEERING]

DOWN!

BLUE 13, BLUE 13!

HIKE!

TIMEOUT, TIMEOUT!

Boy: 6 SECONDS LEFT IN THIS MATCH-UP OF CROSSTOWN RIVALS.

THE HORNETS CLINGING TO A 4-POINT LEAD

AS WE COME UPON FOURTH AND GOAL FOR SUMMERTON.

OH, FOOTBALL.

REMIND ME WHY WE'RE HERE AGAIN.

BECAUSE SOME POOR KID ALWAYS EMBARRASSES HIMSELF

AT ONE OF THESE THINGS.

JUST KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY VERY BRIGHT,

EVEN THOUGH A LOT OF PEOPLE SEE ME AS SPUTTY.

SPUTTY?

A CROSS BETWEEN SPUNKY AND NUTTY.

GREAT.

LISTEN, BEAU.

IT'S ALL IN YOUR HANDS,

BUT NO PRESSURE, ALL RIGHT?

FORGET THAT THERE'S 6 SECONDS LEFT ON THE CLOCK,

FORGET THAT YOU COULD PUT SUMMERTON HIGH ON THE MAP,

FORGET THAT MY LITTLE BOY IS UP THERE IN THAT STANDS,

LOOKING DOWN ON HIS FATHER TRYING TO FULFILL

A LIFELONG DREAM OF WINNING A STATE CHAMPIONSHIP!

FORGET ALL THAT.

WHAT I WANT IS YOU TO, UH...

BE THE BALL?

BE THE BALL. BE THE BALL!

GO GET THEM!

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

DOWN! BLUE 42!

BLUE 42!

SET, HIKE!

WHOO!

NOW WE'RE TALKING!

NOW WE'RE TALKING! NOW WE'RE TALKING!

FOR A GUY WITH NUDITY ISSUES,

HE'S REALLY COME FULL CIRCLE.

Announcer: DEREK BEAUGARD LOSES THE BALL.

THERE'S A FUMBLE ON THE PLAY!

HAMILTON'S GOT IT!

OHH!

THE HORNETS WIN!

WHAT A HEARTBREAKER FOR SUMMERTON!

Derek: I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE GONNA DO BIG THINGS, VIRG,

BUT TIME TRAVEL?

THAT'S WHACKED-OUT, MAN.

Amy: 1, 2, 3, 4, YOUR TEAM STINKS,

YOU'LL NEVER SCORE!

AMY.

5, 6, 7, 8, YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS,

I'M TOO GREAT.

AMY, THAT'S IT. UPSTAIRS. COME ON.

STEPHANIE, I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU.

IT'S SO WEIRD THAT YOU'RE HERE,

AND, OH, MY GOSH, DEREK BEAUGARD?

YOU'RE, LIKE, THE BEST FOOTBALL PLAYER EVER

EXCEPT FOR THAT BLOWN PLAY YESTERDAY.

JUST GO.

AMY, GO WATCH CARTOONS.

NO.

I'M SO, SO SORRY.

I'M TRYING TO TALK MY FOLKS INTO CAGING HER

WHENEVER THERE'S COMPANY.

SHE'S SO CUTE.

AHEM.

OH, SO, UM, ABOUT THE GAME YESTERDAY, VIRG.

THAT WAS A REALLY BIG DEAL FOR DEREK,

AND HE KIND OF FEELS LIKE HE LET EVERYBODY IN SCHOOL DOWN.

I KNOW I WOULD HAVE WON THAT GAME.

BUT THEN CHESTER STREAKED ACROSS THE FIELD

AND DISTRACTED HIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO ALL THE DORKS LATELY.

IT'S LIKE THEY JUST DON'T KNOW THEIR PLACE ANYMORE.

SO YOU GUYS WANT THE MINUTEMEN TO STOP CHESTER

FROM INTERFERING WITH THE GAME?

UH, NO. WE WANT YOU GUYS TO DO IT.

WHO ARE THE MINUTEMEN?

THAT--THAT'S US.

NEVER MIND.

SO, UH...

I DON'T KNOW.

CHARLIE'S GONNA BE A TOUGH SELL.

COME ON, VIRG.

I MEAN, I KNOW WE NEVER REALLY TALKED ABOUT

WHAT WENT DOWN THAT DAY FRESHMAN YEAR,

BUT THE THING IS, I TRIED TO STOP THEM.

IT WAS A RAW DEAL, MAN.

I JUST WISH YOU AND I COULD GET BACK TO HOW WE USED TO BE,

ALWAYS CHILLING.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, MAN?

SCORCH!

SCORCH!

HEH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WANT TO HELP DEREK

AFTER WHAT HE DID TO YOU, DID TO US!

CHARLIE, IT DID NOT HAPPEN THE WAY WE THINK IT DID,

AND BESIDES, IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON.

I'VE BEEN RUNNING SOME TESTS,

AND I THINK WE MIGHT BE DAMAGING

THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM. WITH ALL OUR TIME TRAVEL,

AND THAT COULD CAUSE SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES

TO OUR FUTURE OR EVEN THE PLANET'S.

WHAT HAPPENED TO DEREK IN THAT GAME

IS ACTUALLY OUR FAULT INDIRECTLY.

HE'S RIGHT, KOOKABURRA.

CHESTER'S LIKE A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON

AFTER YOU RESCUED HIM IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

EXCELLENT POINT, JEANETTE.

IS IT ME, OR HAVE I TOTALLY LOST CONTROL

OF THIS PROJECT.

YOU'VE LOST CONTROL, BRO.

OHH!

[CRASH]

SORRY I'M LATE.

ACTIVATING GRID.

AH, YES, WE MUSTN'T FORGET THE GRAPPLING HOOK.

EVERYBODY'S GOT TO MAKE FUN OF THE HOOK.

WON'T BE SORRY.

[WHOOSH]

AAH!

WHEEEE!

OHH! AAH!

I WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT.

YEAAAH!

WHOA, WHOA!

AAH!

[GRUNTING]

HEY, GUYS, YOU SEEN THIS?

HA HA! UNH!

A LITTLE HELP, GUYS.

GUYS, A LITTLE HELP.

[CROWD CHEERING ON TV]

Announcer: DEREK BEAUGARD LOSES THE BALL.

THERE'S A FUMBLE ON THE PLAY!

AND HAMILTON'S GOT IT, AND THE HORNETS WIN!

YEAH!

SO BECAUSE YOU TOOK THIS TAPE WITH YOU

WHEN YOU JUMPED BACK IN TIME...

IT STILL EXISTS. PRETTY CLEVER, HUH?

THIS IS CRAZY, MAN.

I MEAN, VIRG, YOU'RE THE MAN.

I GOT TO TELL THE GUYS ABOUT THIS.

NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

NO. THIS IS WAY TOO BIG.

THIS HAS GOT TO STAY BETWEEN US.

YEAH, YEAH. NO WORRIES, BROTHER,

BUT WE GOT TO CELEBRATE.

I MEAN, TOMORROW, WE'RE PARTYING AT MY HOUSE,

AND, VIRG, YOU GOT TO BE THERE.

OHH. I WANT TO. I CAN'T, THOUGH.

I'M HANGING OUT WITH CHARLIE.

THE WEATHER NETWORK IS COUNTING DOWN

THE TOP 1 HAILSTORMS OF ALL TIME.

I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW LAME OF AN EVENING

THAT WAS UNTIL I SAID IT OUT LOUD.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

OH! THANK YOU. THANKS.

SO YOU HAVING FUN?

OH, YEAH. I HAVEN'T BEEN TO A PARTY

SINCE I WAS 10,

AND I REMEMBER THE PONY THREW UP ON ME.

THAT WAS MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.

OH.

I--I'M--

I'M KIDDING.

GOOD.

SO I GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO THE DANCE ON SATURDAY.

YEAH, I GUESS.

YOU DON'T SOUND HAPPY ABOUT IT.

I DON'T KNOW. DEREK AND I GO TO EVERY PARTY,

EVERY SOCIAL GATHERING.

IT'S REALLY A SICKNESS WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

I DON'T KNOW. BEING POPULAR SEEMS

LIKE A VERY SATISFYING WAY OF LIFE.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

SOMETIMES, I WONDER IF I CHOSE THE RIGHT PATH.

I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU DON'T SEEM TO MIND THAT YOU'RE...

UM...

CAPTAIN OF THE DORKS?

I WASN'T GONNA SAY IT LIKE THAT,

BUT SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS ALWAYS LOOK LIKE YOU'RE HAVING

SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN EVERYBODY ELSE.

REALLY? BECAUSE FROM OUR SIDE,

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GUYS ARE HAVING ALL THE FUN.

REALLY?

YEAH.

HEY, VIRG!

HEY!

SO GOOD PARTYING WITH YOU AGAIN, MAN.

THANK THOSE OTHER GUYS FOR ME,

WHAT'S HIS NAME, THE BIG, SCARY GUY

AND THE LITTLE TWERP.

OH! DANG IT. I FORGOT TO CANCEL WITH CHARLIE.

HOLD ON. LET ME CALL HIM.

Girl: STEPHANIE, YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS.

EH, HE PROBABLY FORGOT ALL ABOUT IT.

[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING]

Virgil: CHARLIE, HOW MANY MORE TIMES

DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE?

212 TIMES OUGHT TO DO IT.

CHARLIE, LISTEN. I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY.

FINE. I FORGIVE YOU.

LOOK. I'M JUST REALLY FRAZZLED.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE TIME MACHINE

AND THE POSSIBLE RIPPLE EFFECTS.

[BEEP BEEP]

HANG ON, DUDE. I GOT ANOTHER CALL.

I'LL GET RID OF THEM.

[SIGHS]

HELLO?

HEY, VIRGIL. UM...

I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST--

STEPH, WHAT'S WRONG?

HE, UM, HE--

DON'T GO ANYWHERE. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

[SIGHS]

Virgil: STEPH! STEPH!

STEPHANIE!

[GRUNTS]

I HAVEN'T DONE THIS SINCE EIGHTH GRADE.

THAT WASN'T-- THAT WASN'T THERE BEFORE.

YOU COULD HAVE USED THE FRONT DOOR.

YEAH, BUT WHAT FUN WOULD THAT BE?

SO TELL ME, WHAT HAPPENED?

SO DEREK GOT OUT OF PRACTICE EARLY,

AND WHEN I WENT OVER TO HIS HOUSE,

I SAW HIM KISSING JOCELYN LEE.

OHH.

STEPH.

I KNEW IT, TOO.

I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT.

I FEEL SO STUPID.

I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE PISTACHIO NUTS,

BUT IN THE RUSH TO GET OVER HERE,

I ACCIDENTALLY GOT THE BAG OF PASTA SHELLS.

DO YOU HAVE ANY MARINARA SAUCE?

HUH? WHA--NO. I CAN GO--

I CAN GO GET SOME IF YOU...

YOU'RE JOKING.

IT WAS REALLY NICE OF YOU TO COME OVER, VIRG.

YOU'RE AN AMAZING FRIEND.

YEAH.

FRIEND.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

Derek: HEY. CAN WE JUST TALK THIS OUT?

IT'S DEREK.

LISTEN. I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM.

I HAVE TO END IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.

GOOD LUCK.

HUH! UNH!

[MEOW]

I'M OK!

THESE REPEATED IRREGULARITIES

ARE ALL MAINTAINING HALF-LIFES

AFTER THEIR PRIMARY INCIDENTS.

HA HA! IT'S TOTALLY WEIRDSVILLE!

I MEAN, IT'S SERIOUS, SIR,

AND ALL OF THE FLUCTUATIONS ARE EMANATING DIRECTLY

FROM SUMMERTON HIGH SCHOOL.

ACTUALLY, I HAVE A THEORY ABOUT THAT.

IT'S--WELL, DOES THE DEPARTMENT

HAVE ANY CONTACTS AT THE FBI?

Girl: YOU KNOW, YOU'RE KIND OF SCARY AND UNAPPROACHABLE.

CAN WE SIT WITH YOU?

Derek: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE, MAN,

I MEAN, A GREAT ATHLETE, HUGELY POPULAR.

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE-- IT'S LIKE PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO PLAY THE FIELD

AND CHEAT ON--

WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

I DIDN'T CHEAT.

JOCELYN MADE THE FIRST MOVE.

SHE KISSED ME, BUT I DIDN'T KISS HER BACK.

I MEAN, THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS CHEATING.

THE THING IS-- AND THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN--

I WANT YOU TO GO BACK IN TIME,

STOP STEPHANIE FROM BUSTING ME WITH JOCELYN.

WHAT?!

WHY SHOULD I?

BECAUSE I MADE A BIG MISTAKE,

A HUGE ONE,

AND IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN, I SWEAR TO YOU.

I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, YOU REALLY HURT HER.

I KNOW. I KNOW, AND I FEEL AWFUL,

BUT STEPH AND I HAVE BEEN GOING OUT FOR A LONG TIME NOW,

YOU KNOW, AND SHE'S EVERYTHING A GUY COULD EVER WANT.

I'VE LIKED THAT THE 3 OF US HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT AGAIN,

LIKE THE OLD DAYS, AND IT COULD STILL BE LIKE THAT, MAN.

COME ON, BUDDY. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.

YEAH. YEAH, SURE.

[CAR APPROACHING]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

WHOA! HEY! HOLD ON! HOLD UP!

Man: PUT ON YOUR SEAT BELT!

[TIRES SQUEAL]

I'M TELLING YOU. YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY,

BUT I CAN GIVE YOU THE NAMES OF THE TWO--

I WAS GONNA GIVE THEM FAKE NAMES.

I'D NEVER RAT YOU GUYS OUT.

YEAH, RIGHT.

MR. KEEP ME ON HOLD ALL NIGHT.

Man: GOOD AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.

MY NAME IS AGENT REHNQUIST OF THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.

I'M GONNA LET YOU BOYS IN ON A SECRET,

A NATIONAL SECRET.

IN 1969 SHORTLY AFTER THE APOLLO 11 MOON LANDING,

THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT BEGAN FUNDING A NUMBER

OF NEW SCIENTIFIC PROJECTS.

ONE OF THESE PROJECTS WAS TIME TRAVEL.

WHAT?!

TIME TRAVEL?

CRAZY. THAT'S, LIKE, SO SCIENCE FICTIONY.

HOLLYWOOD BALONEY. THAT'S--THAT'S NOT--

PROJECT TURNED UP FEW RESULTS

AND WAS EVENTUALLY SHUT DOWN,

THE FILES NEVER AGAIN TOUCHED,

THAT IS, UNTIL TWO MONTHS AGO

WHEN AN INDUSTRIOUS INDIVIDUAL OR INDIVIDUALS

BROKE INTO THE NASA MAINFRAME,

USING A COMPUTER WE TRACED TO SUMMERTON HIGH SCHOOL.

ALL RIGHT! I--

WHAT MY FRIEND WAS ABOUT TO SAY IS

THAT IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO CHARGE US WITH ANYTHING,

YOU CAN'T KEEP US HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT. LOOK IT UP.

I TOOK A SEMESTER OF GOVERNMENT.

GOT A B-.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND, SIR.

YOU'RE JUST LETTING THEM GO?

WE'LL GET MORE INFORMATION JUST BY WATCHING THEM.

YEAH, BUT NOW THEY KNOW WE'RE WATCHING THEM AND--

YES, SIR. EXCELLENT PLAN.

OH, THIS IS BAD. OHH. REAL BAD.

YEAH. WAY TO GO, NAUGHTY NED.

THANKS TO YOU, WE HAVE THE FBI ON OUR BACKS.

ME?! I WANTED TO STOP THIS WHOLE THING WEEKS AGO,

BUT, NO, YOU HAD TO USE IT

FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL GAIN!

CHARLIE'S RIGHT. GOING TO PARTIES,

HANGING WITH THE POPULARS.

HEY. IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,

YOU BENEFITED FROM THIS, TOO.

HOW SO?

WE GAVE YOU A LIFE.

BEFORE US, YOU WERE THIS BIG GUY

EVERYONE WAS AFRAID OF.

YOU BETTER SHUT UP, VIRGIL.

SEE?

YOU'RE BEING MEAN, VIRGIL.

CHARLIE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME

TO YOUR COMPUTER AND YOUR CAT?

I WILL!

GOOD LUCK ON YOUR NEW LIFE AS A POPULAR PERSON.

I'M OUT OF HERE, TOO.

I'M BETTER OFF ON MY OWN.

I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

Charlie: WELL, THAT'S THE LAST OF THE DATA.

UNFORTUNATELY, WE WON'T HAVE AN ANSWER UNTIL MORNING.

[MEOW]

WELL, EXCUSE ME FOR NOT HAVING A SUPERCOMPUTER!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

OH. HEY, DEREK.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, VIRG?

YOU GONNA HELP ME OUT, BUDDY?

YEAH, SURE, D-ROCK.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

OHH!

GOOD MORNING, MAGPIE. YOUR MOM LET ME IN.

IT IS SUCH A NICE DAY. YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING,

MAYBE WE COULD GO ON A WALK AND TALK

ABOUT OUR FUTURE TOGETHER,

AND THEN--OH! I'D LIKE TO HAVE AN ORANGE HOUSE.

THE RESULTS!

YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TO HAVE AN ADDRESS THEN,

AND ON THE ENVELOPE, YOU COULD JUST SAY,

"JEANETTE PAJULUSKI, ORANGE HOUSE."

IT'S DONE!

Jeanette: OH, UM, I'M NO SCIENTIST,

BUT THAT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.

WE CREATED A--A...

A? SPIT IT OUT, BLUEBIRD!

A BLACK HOLE!

THAT'S BAD, RIGHT?

NOW AS THE TIMELINE CONTINUES,

WE SEE AN INCREASED NUMBER OF OCCURRENCES

HERE IN THE SUMMERTON AREA.

IF WE CAN ALL TURN TO PAGE 47,

YOU CAN SEE WHERE I'VE HIGHLIGHTED--

HEY! HEY!

Charlie: I LIED!

I STOLE THE FORMULA FROM NASA,

AND, MAN, WE'VE BEEN TIME TRAVELING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

WAY AHEAD OF YOU, MR. TUTTLE.

I'D LIKE FOR YOU TO MEET DRS. CONNORS AND WINTHORPE

FROM THE SEISMOLOGY DEPARTMENT AT PACIFIC TECH.

DOCTORS, THIS IS CHARLES TUTTLE.

YEAH. WHAT ARE YOU, 9 YEARS OLD?

HE'S 14!

OH, WELL, THAT'S BETTER.

NOW I DON'T FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER.

SO YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT THE BLACK HOLE?

WHAT?

THE BLACK HOLE!

OH, I KNEW YOU GUYS WERE UNDERFUNDED, BUT COME ON!

THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS. WE RAN THE WORST-CASE SCENARIOS SEVERAL TIMES.

WE NEVER CAME UP WITH A BLACK HOLE.

I SEE 5, 6 DECIMALS THAT WEREN'T CARRIED OVER.

OOPS.

YEAH. OOPS!

EACH TIME WE USED THE MACHINE,

THE RIFT CREATED IN THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM

DID NOT DISAPPEAR.

INSTEAD THE FLUCTUATIONS BLENDED TOGETHER

TO CREATE ONE GIANT BLACK HOLE,

AND THE WORST PART IS THE BLACK WHOLE WILL SPREAD

UNTIL IT SWALLOWS UP SUMMERTON,

THEN THE NORTHWEST, THEN THE ENTIRE UNITED STATES.

[GULP]

AND SO ON.

HOW MUCH TIME TILL ZERO HOUR?

ACCORDING TO MY ESTIMATES, WE HAVE...

WE HAVE LESS THAN 4 HOURS TILL THE END OF THE WORLD.

OK, PEOPLE, WE'RE GOING TO CODE RED.

GET WASHINGTON ON THE PHONE NOW.

THERE MIGHT BE A WAY TO REVERSE IT,

BUT IT'S A LONG SHOT.

WELL, LET'S HEAR IT...SIR.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Stephanie: I'M SO EXCITED

FOR THE DANCE TONIGHT, VIRG.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

HEY. WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?

HEH! COME ON!

[FIFTIES ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]

♪ HEY, LITTLE GIRL, WHAT A SIGHT ♪

♪ SHE'S AS PRETTY AS THE SEA IS WIDE ♪

♪ MY HEART STARTS BEATING WHEN SHE WALKS BY ♪

♪ BUT SHE'S HOLDING HANDS WITH SOME OTHER GUY... ♪

EVERYTHING SET?

UH, YEAH. THE SUITS ARE IN THE BASEMENT,

AND THEN WE'LL GO THROUGH THE TUNNELS UNDER THE CAFETERIA.

SWEET. WE'LL GO AS SOON AS THEY ANNOUNCE

THE WINNERS.

HEY, VIRGIL!

STEPH, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT A PERSON'S LIFE

CAN CHANGE IN A SINGLE MOMENT,

SOMETIMES FOR THE BETTER,

OTHERS FOR THE WORSE?

YEAH, I GUESS.

THERE IS A MOMENT IN ONE OF OUR LIVES

THAT'S ABOUT TO CHANGE,

AND I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S FOR THE BETTER OR FOR THE WORSE.

VIRGIL, UM, I'M NOT FOLLOWING.

UH, ATTENTION.

[MICROPHONE FEEDS BACK]

ATTENTION, EVERYONE.

IT'S TIME TO ANNOUNCE THIS YEAR'S

KING AND QUEEN OF THE DANCE,

BUT FIRST...

[AS ELVIS PRESLEY] SONNY, RED, AND I

WANT TO FRY UP SOME PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA SANDWICHES.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

[NORMAL VOICE] THAT'S ELVIS PRESLEY.

ANYONE?

COME ON. THAT WAS A BRILLIANT--

WHATEVER.

STEPHANIE JAMESON AND VIRGIL FOX, GET UP HERE.

YOU WON.

OH! HA HA!

THIS IS SUCH A SURPRISE.

NOT REALLY. TO GUARANTEE THAT WE'D WIN,

I WENT BACK IN TIME AND STUFFED THE BALLOT BOX.

WHAT?

MISS JAMESON AND MR. FOX.

DON'T LET IT GO TO YOUR HEAD.

THERE'S STILL TIME FOR A RECOUNT.

♪ GOOD NIGHT, MY LOVE ♪

♪ I HAVE TO SAY GOOD NIGHT ♪

♪ I'LL HOLD YOU IN MY DREAMS ♪

♪ UNTIL THE MORNING LIGHT ♪

SO, UM, DID YOU REALLY STUFF THE BOX?

YEAH. I MEAN, YOU SURE,

BUT WHO'D VOTE FOR ME?

I WOULD.

THIS IS WEIRD.

YEAH.

WHY?

A GOOD WEIRD.

RIGHT.

HOW YOU CAN BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE

FOR SO LONG AND THEN...

IT'S DIFFERENT.

A GOOD DIFFERENT.

Derek: COME ON, BROTHER. IT'S TIME TO GO.

UH, OH, ABOUT THAT.

I THINK I CHANGED MY MIND.

NO. YOU PROMISED.

VIRGIL!

DON'T GO ANYWHERE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Boy: I KNEW DEREK WOULD BE HACKED

ABOUT VIRGIL BRINGING STEPHANIE.

FIGHT!

HEY! THERE'S A FIGHT!

[KIDS CHANTING, "FIGHT!"]

DEREK, WAIT UP. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

OH, MAN. COME ON.

STEPHANIE! STEPHANIE!

WHERE'S VIRGIL?

HE LEFT WITH DEREK.

WHY?

DON'T TELL ME HE'S GONNA TRAVEL BACK IN TIME.

OH, MY GOSH. THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING.

HE MIGHT MAKE THINGS WORSE!

EXCUSE ME! UM, SORRY.

WORSE THAN THE END OF THE WORLD?

SORRY! SORRY!

DEREK, I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS.

WHAT? WHY?

STEPHANIE. I JUST-- I JUST THINK...

DUDE, DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE GONNA TRY TO STEAL MY GIRL.

WE'RE FRIENDS. I MEAN, BUDDIES DON'T DO THAT TO EACH OTHER.

Charlie: VIRGIL! VIRGIL FOX!

VIRGIL, WE HAVE A SMALL PROBLEM.

WE HAVE LESS THAN AN HOUR TO SAVE THE PLANET!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Tolkan: WELL, WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE, HMM?

LOOKS TO ME LIKE THE BEGINNINGS OF A FRACAS.

WHAT?

A FRACAS. IT'S A FIGHT.

WE'LL SORT OUT ALL THE DETENTIONS LATER.

RIGHT NOW, ALL OF YOU GET BACK IN THE GYM.

EVERYONE MOVE!

Rehnquist: EVERYONE FREEZE!

FBI.

STOP. CIA.

BUREAU OF WEIGHTS AND MEASURES.

IN THE FUTURE, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO FIRST.

[RUMBLING]

[THUNDER]

[THUNDER]

VIRGIL, THAT'S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. COME ON!

[THUNDER]

WE NEED TO GET THESE PEOPLE OUT OF HERE NOW!

Virgil: SO WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO INSIDE THE BLACK HOLE AND CLOSE IT?

AS FAR AS I CAN FIGURE, IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

WE'LL TAKE THE REMOTE PACK WITH US

AND REVERSE THE POLARITY ONCE WE LAND.

WHAT REMOTE PACK?

I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A NEW WAY

TO CONTROL OUR JUMPS FROM THE OTHER SIDE.

OK. HOLD THE PHONE.

WE CANNOT LET THESE STUDENTS GO IN THAT THING.

THEY COULD DIE!

WE HAVE NO CHOICE.

THEY'RE THE ONLY ONES FAMILIAR WITH THE EQUIPMENT.

IF THEY DON'T GO, THEN WE COULD ALL DIE.

GODSPEED.

[THUNDER]

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M THE ONE WHO MESSED EVERYTHING UP.

I'LL GO ALONE. CHARLIE AND ZEKE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS?

I INVENTED IT!

I HELPED!

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YEAH, I DID.

YOU PAINTED. THAT'S IT.

EXCUSE ME.

NO! NO, YOU DIDN'T.

Rehnquist: OK, OK. ENOUGH, ENOUGH!

YOU'LL BOTH GO.

YOU'LL BE NEEDING ME, TOO, SIR,

AND MY HOOK.

YAAH!

[CHEERING]

LISTEN, GUYS.

ONCE WE REVERSE THE WORMHOLE'S POLARITY,

THERE'S NO WAY OF MEASURING HOW QUICKLY IT WILL CLOSE.

IT COULD STAY OPEN FOR SEVERAL MORE MINUTES,

OR IT COULD VANISH INSTANTANEOUSLY,

AND EVEN IF WE DO MAKE IT BACK ALIVE,

THERE'S NO GUARANTEE WE'LL RETURN EXACTLY TO THE POINT IN TIME

THAT WE EXITED FROM.

AYE, AYE, SEÑOR POSITIVE.

GOOD LUCK, ZEKE.

OHH!

SO, VIRGIL, I HEAR YOU'RE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD.

THAT'S RIGHT. YOUR BIG BROTHER'S PRETTY COOL, HUH?

WHEN YOU DIE, CAN I HAVE YOUR ROOM?

MINE IS WAY TOO SMALL AND--

BYE, AMY!

Jeanette: CHARLIE. CHARLIE, UM, COME BACK IN ONE PIECE, OK?

COME ON, CHARLIE. WE GOT TO GO.

CHARLIE.

CHARLIE?

THERE WE GO. THANKS, ZEKE.

VIRGIL.

[THUNDER]

LISTEN. I JUST-- WHATEVER HAPPENS IN THERE,

JUST I WANT YOU TO KNOW--

HEY, MAN. GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING.

YEAH. GREAT.

JUST, UM...

JUST BE CAREFUL, OK?

[CROWD CHANTING, "MINUTEMEN!"]

AT LEAST THEY FINALLY GOT THE NAME RIGHT.

LET'S DO THIS, FELLAS!

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

WHOA! COOL!

[SCREAMING]

[GROANS]

[CHARLIE COUGHING]

WOW! SPACE MEN!

I THINK WE LANDED IN MUNCHKINLAND.

COOL WHAT UP, MUNCHKINS?

ACTUALLY, WE'RE ACROSS TOWN AT THE PARK.

WHAT PLANET DID YOU COME FROM?

DID YOU COME FROM NEPTUNE?

DO PEOPLE FROM NEPTUNE EAT MACARONI?

I LOVE MACARONI. IS MACARONI, A VEGETABLE?

Zeke: BEAT IT, KID. WE'RE WORKING HERE.

OK. SET UP THE ANTENNA.

BEGINNING REVERSAL SEQUENCE.

COME ON.

Boy: WOW! SWEET!

LOOKS GOOD.

RATE OF INCREASE IS SLOWING.

THE VORTEX'S PLANE IS DECREASING.

[THUNDER]

STABILIZATION ACHIEVED!

I THINK WE DID IT!

HA!

WE HAVE 20 MINUTES TILL THE VORTEX TOUCHES THE GROUND.

THEN WE CAN JUMP BACK.

HEY, GUYS. TODAY'S SEPTEMBER 3, 2005.

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL FRESHMAN YEAR.

THAT'S THE DAY--

THE INCIDENT.

THE INCIDENT.

OF COURSE! THIS IS THE DAY

THAT A MODULE OF QUANTA ACCELERATION

FIRST INTERACTED WITH THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM.

THE ROCKET CAR, REMEMBER?

IT LIKED THE WORMHOLE FROM OUR PRESENT

TO THIS MOMENT IN THE PAST.

IN A FEW MOMENTS, OUR YOUNGER SELVES--

UH, DUDE.

DON'T DO IT, VIRGIL.

VIRG, NO!

VIRG, COME ON.

ARE YOU HONESTLY THINKING OF STOPPING

WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?

WHY NOT?

ISN'T THAT WHAT MINUTEMEN DO,

UNDO MISTAKES?

WELL, I MADE A MISTAKE DOWN THERE.

I HAVE A CHANCE TO BE SOMEBODY.

OK, BUT KNOW THIS.

WHAT HAPPENED DOWN THERE IS WE BECAME FRIENDS.

THAT DAY THAT WE WERE TIED UP TOGETHER

ON THAT STUPID RAM STATUE,

THIS DAY,

THIS DAY THAT YOU HATE SO MUCH

JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT A LITTLE EMBARRASSED,

THIS IS MY FAVORITE DAY.

EVEN THOUGH I'D STILL BE A NERD,

IT DIDN'T REALLY MATTER ANYMORE

BECAUSE NOW I HAD A REAL FRIEND.

THAT WOULD ALWAYS MAKE EVERYTHING OK.

SO MUCH FOR ALWAYS, I GUESS.

LISTEN. LISTEN, VIRG, YOU DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO HERE,

AND IF THINGS AREN'T THE SAME ON THE OTHER SIDE,

IT'S BEEN A GOOD RIDE.

Derek: HEY, GUYS, WAIT.

YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT

BECAUSE I'VE GOT A MUCH BETTER IDEA.

I MEAN, WHY DON'T WE SMEAR THIS ALL OVER THEM?

[CHEERING]

LOSERS!

[BEEPING]

NO! NO!

THE CLOSURE RATE OF THE VORTEX JUST WENT INTO OVERDRIVE.

HOLD ON. YOU'RE TELLING ME--

IF THAT THING TOUCHES THE GROUND,

WE'LL BE TRAPPED HERE FOR GOOD.

WHAT ABOUT VIRGIL?

THERE'S NO WAY WE'LL MAKE IT TO HIM

AND BACK TO THE VORTEX IN TIME!

CHARLIE! CHARLIE, GET UP!

GET UP, CHARLIE. WE GOT TO KEEP MOVING!

LET'S GO!

WE'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT!

[THUNDER]

WE'RE A MILE WAY. WE'RE STUCK IN THE PAST FOREVER.

[ENGINE BACKFIRES]

MAN, YOU DO NOT WANT TO GO BACK THERE.

KID'S GETTING ROUGHED UP BY SOME FOOTBALL PLAYERS.

IT'S REAL UGLY.

YOU DON'T SAY?

AT FIRST, I FELT KIND OF SORRY

FOR THE DORKY KID,

BUT I REALIZED, WHAT'S HE NEED ME FOR?

GOT HIMSELF A GREAT FRIEND DOWN THERE.

SOMEDAY, HE'LL HAVE OTHER GREAT FRIENDS, TOO.

SCORCH!

SCORCH!

YOU KNOW, LET'S COME UP WITH OUR OWN HANDSHAKE.

CAN WE GO NOW BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T

FEEL LIKE REPEATING THE LAST 3 YEARS OF HIGH SCHOOL.

GOOD IDEA. GO, GO, GO, GO!

SEAT BELTS!

[HORN HONKS]

LOOK OUT!

WHOA!

[SCREAMING]

CAR!

[HORN HONKING]

CAR!

[SCREAMING CONTINUES]

OH, MY GOSH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I DOING?

THAT WAS MARTIN STREET.

THE VORTEX IS BACK THAT WAY!

OH, MY BAD!

WE'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT!

NO PROBLEM!

[SCREAMING]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

YEAH! GRAPPLING HOOK!

YEAH! GRAPPLING HOOK!

HIGH-FIVE!

KEEP YOUR HAND ON THE WHEEL!

GO VIRGIL!

GO! WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!

WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!

WE'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!

MINUTEMEN, ROCK!

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

WHERE'S MY ROCKET CART?

[COUGHS]

WHAT DAY IS IT?

THAT IS IT!

NO MORE TIME TRAVEL!

OK. UP. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE JOGGING.

NOW NOBODY LOAFS IN MY GYM CLASS.

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I UNDERSTAND PLENTY.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE NOT JOGGING,

SO LET'S MOVE IT, BOYS.

LET'S GO! GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!

STAR JOGGING! MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT!

I HAVE GOT TO GET ONE OF THOSE COOL JOGGING SUITS.

A SMOKING TIRE?

Tolkan: ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. NO LOITERING IN THE HALLWAYS.

LET'S MOVE IT ALONG.

GO. SCHNELL, SCHNELL!

I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO INSTITUTE A DRESS CODE IN THIS PLACE.

SEE, STEPH? THAT'S WHY I NEED HER HELP.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

I SAID, "MY BOYFRIEND IS A LYING CHEESEBRAIN."

COME ON, STEPH.

DEREK, I'M TRYING TO STUDY.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THE IS THE FIRST DAY THAT WE TIME TRAVELED,

THE DAY WE TRIED TO WIN THE LOTTERY.

WOW! NICE OUTFITS, BOZOS.

HEY, DEREK.

HAVE FUN WITH JOCELYN.

WH--WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I FIGURE YOU'RE BOTH SO GOOD WITH LIPSTICK

YOU'LL MAKE A PERFECT MATCH.

YOU WERE ALWAYS GONNA BE A DORK ANYWAYS, VIRGIL.

AND YOU WERE ALWAYS GONNA BE A JERK, DEREK.

HAVE A NICE LIFE.

[WHISPERING] Charlie.

LADIES.

OH! WHAT'S NEW, COCKATOO?

WOW! YOU LOOK LIKE A SUPERHERO.

THANKS, PUMPKIN.

[GRUNTS]

You've never kissed her before.

The scene in the hallway hasn't happened yet.

OH, RIGHT!

JEANETTE, I--I'M SORRY.

I WAS JUST-- I CAN EXPLAIN!

HEY. IT'S OK.

UH, STEPH.

OH, HEY.

YOU DIDN'T SEE ME IN HERE BEFORE, DID YOU?

NO, AND, UM, WHAT'S WITH THE WEIRD SUIT?

OH. I WAS JUST REHEARSING A LITTLE SCHOOL PLAY

ABOUT TIME TRAVEL, AND IT KIND OF GOT ME THINKING,

IF I REALLY COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD I CHANGE?

UH, SNOWSUIT?

IT WOULD TELL STEPHANIE HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT HER.

THAT I THINK SHE'S GREAT.

REALLY?

YEAH.

AND IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME,

I THINK I'D TELL VIRGIL THE SAME THING.

[BELL RINGING]

Charlie: VIRGIL, VIRGIL!

WHAT, WHAT?

WHAT DOES THE WORLD TELEPORTATION MEAN TO YOU?

HUH?

IT'S THE NEXT BIG THING, BIGGER THAN TIME TRAVEL!

IT'S A WHOLE NEW TRANSPORTATION PARADIGM.

WE STILL HAVE THE SLIDE PROJECTOR--

[MUFFLED]

I'LL CALL YOU.

TIME TRAVEL!

NO, CHARLIE.

STEPHANIE, STEPHANIE! LISTEN!

CHARLIE, BLACK HOLES. NO MORE--

HE LIKES YOU! HE'LL LISTEN!

WE'D STOP GLOBAL WARMING.

NO, CHARLIE.

Virgil: SO WE'RE SUPPOSED TO GO INSIDE THE BLACK HOLE AND CLOSE IT?

AS FAR AS I CAN FIGURE, IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

WE'LL TAKE THE REMOTE PACK WITH--

[HIP-HOP PLAYING]

♪ WHOA, P-P-PARTY ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS UP, PUT YOUR HANDS UP ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, PUT YOUR HANDS UP ♪

♪ OH, P-P-PARTY ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS UP, PUT YOUR HANDS UP ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY ♪

Man: THAT'S A CUT.

♪ OH, P-P-PARTY ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS UP, PUT YOUR HANDS UP ♪

♪ HEY, HEY, HEY, PUT YOUR HANDS UP ♪