Original subtitles

[Music]

Downloaded from YTS.MX

coming attractions we've got so much

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

action so save your money and save your

time

[Music]

line

[Music]

we got romantic stories we got epic

glories with guys and gals he did it all

night

[Music]

turn off your lights

[Music]

he was born to parents who loved him

but probably didn't change his diapers

often enough

he grew up to be one of the most bizarre

and mysterious figures of the 20th

century

his extreme wealth allowed him to become

powerful enough to enable him to fulfill

his every fantasy

and lustful desire

but his hobby was watching planes [ __ ]

now for the first time anywhere

the motion picture screen explores the

true story of one of the most eccentric

men who ever lived the howard huge story

he dated the world's most beautiful

movie stars

and took credit for inventing the tit

was it true he could piss the length of

the golden gate bridge

watch the howard huge story and find out

why he switched from cloth diapers to

pampers at the end

the howard huge story

the billionaire who lost his will to

live

[Music]

they were born to wander aimlessly

[Music]

the only home they knew was the one

between their legs

until they found a sleepy little town

they wanted for their very own

skateboarders from hell

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

if one had a steady girl

they all had a steady girl

[Music]

if one got a dose they all got a dose

[Music]

few outside their exclusive world could

understand their bizarre sense of humor

[Music]

i know

[Applause]

[Music]

they may have been full of [ __ ] but

they bled blood

killed

look it was an accident

[Applause]

[Music]

we are here to honor our beloved brother

damian

hello

i remember many many years ago when we

rode together many a small town we

blundered

many a girl were gang raped and many a

guy we almost killed

so they mean

wherever you are tonight we always know

there'll be a skateboarder in hell

no thanks i'm tripping oh good

seriously though in fulfillment of the

most hallowed tradition in case of

deceasement of a brother we therefore

buried the deceased chick

with the deceased

no no no no we were breaking up really i

told him earlier that day honestly

really

lock up your sons and daughters here

they come

skateboarders from hell

[Music]

they came from another planet a dying

planet all they sought were the means to

keep their civilization alive and they

found what they were looking for on

earth

sorry honey go back to sleep

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

ah

[Applause]

hmm

[Music]

were they hated by everyone or were they

a blessing in disguise they're still

among us who will be their next victims

it could be you or the guy sitting next

to you

chat now

don't be caught with your pants down

see

the invasion of the penis snatchers

[Music]

[Music]

so

[Music]

this is death row

how you doing lefty

this is lefty schwartz

he's been sentenced to death in the

electric chair

while in prison lefty has learned to

make better use of his time

he's studying the war to better himself

and hopefully get himself out of this

god-forsaken inhuman man-made hell of

concrete and steel

[Music]

it's just too bad he killed a judge

[Music]

it's all set

3 51 tonight pass it on

it's all set for 3 51 tonight i go to

the chair at 5 30. we're busting out of

this joint we dug a tunnel

sam you dug a tunnel

wonderful

where you you mind if i give it a try

sam

where is the [ __ ] tunnel excuse me

lefty the warden has a message for you

hold on

[Music]

you're lefty

please give my wife your recipe for

stroganoff

we are entertaining the governor and

some members of the press

planning to stay up and watch the

execution

also

would you recommend a good wine

reward there

your trainer's all finished it's

beautiful huh

see you tonight at the tunnel say about

tree

it's not bad

sam wait a minute same way you didn't

tell me where the tunnel was

[Music]

[Music]

what the hell is this crap you call this

quiche it's slap and this boya base is

nothing but trite that's right yeah

they got the nervous do you believe this

domestic chaotic no where do they think

we are anyway a bunch of spanish

peasants

who make this chocolate mousse you gotta

use real cream or you don't make it at

all you know what

yeah

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Music]

[Music]

is

[Music]

and finally lefty's moment of truth had

arrived hold it hold it the warden's

coming

and it was time to walk that last

hundred yards

[Music]

i just wanted to tell you lefty the

stroganoff was delicious

we're having roasts tomorrow and the mrs

was wondering if you wouldn't mind

holding this huh

wouldn't wait

is there any war from the governor uh

too much paprika but

he liked it

[Music]

[Music]

could anybody ever find out where the

tunnel was

everybody

[Music]

it's the kind of a town

[Music]

oh

[Applause]

three chairs for lefty see it and you

two will say

well done

[Music]

he's funny he's duddy duddy allen in the

sneaker

i wish i knew what it is i'm doing wrong

i went out and i bought new clothes i

didn't bathe the shave for days

i did everything you told me and louise

still won't take me back

i see here kid

you're gonna stop trying to be like me

it won't work yeah but you

you always had women falling all over

themselves just to get to you

they killed for you they probably all

[ __ ] like bunnies on their first date

huh

who is this you're talking about you

clark gable

i'm not clark gable

you're not

the hell no god are you a [ __ ]

who are you

sid romkowski sid ronkowski

why have i been taking advice from you

all this time why didn't you say

something i thought you're my fantasy my

idol but i don't know you came by this

spot one day and started talking out

loud asking a bunch of stupid-ass

questions

i was off take a leak in the bushes and

overheard you i thought it'd help you

out

you look amazing that i call gable

it's uncanny

you think so really

wow

anyway i can't wait to hear

did you call louise of the phone like i

told you do she cut off a phone service

oh well i

you tried dating other women

last night oh margie let how did it go

i don't know i thought we had a good

time

so i really can't say that existential

nihilism is the only way to go

personally that is for me i i tend to

lean towards zen with zionist tendencies

arrived at uh to a thorough study of the

neoplatonic relationship of uh

chlorophyll touretteson

in other words everything is predestined

to chicago or new york

subjunctive subjectivity on the other

hand tells us that within the realm of

eternal halitosis and the sartre s

duplicity of nature we are all one and

one for all

i uh

i practice transcontinental meditation

have found new morality and insights

into

the guy who contains this bartender set

him up for everybody on me says what

about me just forget it when you drink

you get nasty

louise

louise

i've got to talk to you daddy

once and for all will you please go away

and leave me alone we are through

over ended finished

that's it

gee i was hoping for something more

definite

honey would you let me take care of it

please

you talking to me

i don't see anybody else around you must

be talking to me let me tell you

something these hands are registered

with ucla

oh boy

hey hey i'd really like to but i i just

remembered i ate and uh i have to wait

an hour i could get cramps nice cologne

that musk

[Music]

when duddy's wife won't take him back

what's this he resorts to drugs for

three hours daddy turns into

[Music]

i used car salesman

yoho yes yo yo schmuck look at this

fifty two thousand dollars i'll give you

a car for the car we're willing to be a

deal in here terrific you putts come

here look at this we gotta come with a

mint shield with tires

[Music]

so anyway my mother threw me out of the

house when i was three and a half i've

never been the same since hey ken you

talk too damn much put your hand down

here take a bra

okay but i'm not too good at this kind

of thing

yeah that's it don't be shy

[Music]

touch your tit go on touch it

do you want to hear my moose story god

damn it you ineffectual pip squeak died

be going down on her by now

go down on it no i can't do this

no no no no no no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no good

god damn it it's our first date

do you want to go to a tupperware party

the sneaker coming soon

[Music]

is

in the middle of north central asia

virtually untouched by commerciality

lies the newest chic playground of the

international smart set

a breathtaking journey to the lower

regions of beautiful mongolia brings us

face to face with the mystery and magic

of the gobi

come with us now as we walk down the

ancient boulevard of the gods in this

500 000 square mile desert resort

community

[Music]

a gentle ocean breeze ruffles our hair

as we tour this huge undeveloped plateau

formerly a barren desert the gobi was

turned into the empire and thriving

metropolis that we see today

through the inspired leadership of

genghis khan way back in the 13th

century

the national bird of the gobi is the

friendly outgoing vulture

this beautiful intelligent bird can be

trained to sit on your head on command

wildlife abounds in the lush vegetation

this is a true paradise

the shifting whispering sands uncover

many a tale of intrigue and tell us much

of the lifestyle of the ancients

and like the blowing sands we too must

move on

and uncover more mysteries and magic of

other playgrounds of the world

taking leave of our newly made friends

and their quaint food-free diets it is

time to wave a tearful farewell to

the magic

[Music]

[Music]

hello i'm buddy hackett i've been asked

to speak to you on behalf of an

organization known as s-t-o-p-i-t

stop it

or the society to oppress and prevent

involuntary tinkling is a totally

non-profit institution as national

chairperson this year i decided to pay a

visit to the institute

here on the grounds of their main

facility in watertown new york we see

many of the cures being tried to stop

the flood

one of the newest and most effective

methods they're using here at stop it is

negative reinforcement training

now let's listen in how many times i

have to tell you you big [ __ ] you're

nothing you big baby

you know what a disappointment you are

to your mother and father if i had a

hand pardon me but aren't you being a

bit rough on him

what's it to you mac the kid won't stop

pissing

what are you a piss freak or something

hello again

now this is robert isn't it

can you tell everyone out there why

you're here with us today

well it's because you're the stop it

poster boy for this year isn't that

right

well bob is well on his way to becoming

a normal healthy young man

all due to the never-ending work of stop

it right bobby

right now theater ushers are starting to

move up this theater's aisles with tin

cups that will soon be pissed the past

down your row

when that cup of kindness reaches you

i hope

you will find it in your hearts to reach

way in and pull out whatever you can to

deposit in the cup

do it for the kids or do it for yourself

you'll feel relieved that you did

thanks

[Music]

we've got a place

[Music]

chewy

gooey plastic if you've got the munchies

then this

will is your mind we don't think you

understand the way we break evens at the

regression stand

are you

is

[Music]

so

what happens when this movie mongrel

exchanges bodies with a famous motion

picture mogul

walt whitney productions has done it

again you will howl with delight when

you see the shaggy studio jeep roy oh

you [ __ ]

sir how are you today don't ask look i'd

like to rent a car right away

okay will that be cash your credit card

credit card

i seem to have lost my wallet

i've seemed to have lost my pocket as

much as i'd like to help you i'm afraid

we're gonna need some of those things in

order to rent you a car

what i'm walt whisney

walt whisney

[Music]

thanks for the ride

go on pal

[Applause]

it's dead less than a week and already

rory's

blocked

yes it's another fun-filled laugh riot

as the whisney studios goes to the dogs

i'm sorry i'm late i got hung up chasing

cars i am sorry i tried to stop

[Applause]

[Music]

will walt regain control of the studio

before roy has him neutered

[Music]

don't miss it the lab riot of this and

many a year to come

see walt whisney's latest the shaggy

studio chief

and on the same program the academy

award-winning walt whitney short the

calf who thought she was a chicken

[Music]

they're back nine cute cuddly adorable

little bears you've been with them when

they came from behind to win the little

league championship and you saw them

play for 50 000 people at the astrodome

you've seen them in japan and now

they're back again the bad news bears in

getting laid

[Music]

well howdy folks welcome to our place

hey you got me on one of my busy days i

was just bringing the necks of a couple

of chickens here

hey you want to watch it's kind of

interesting

geez i remember the first couple of

hundred times i did it

i threw up all over myself

keep that up for a couple of months

but hell you get used to even that

anyway

paul's up in the kitchen he's been

expecting you

hey

we got company get your britches on

excuse me

did you have a snort buckwheat

it's not bad

[Music]

ah really get off on that stuff

ma don't like me to use it but i told

her it clears up my hay fever

but say

you came here

to see some of the scenes from that

moving picture me and my maid

ma and pa take francis to new york

and here i go talk in a mile a minute

hmm

must be the rush of that buckwheat to my

hand

but i'm all set to go here

so sit back

and have yourself a chuckle or two

how's it going

who said that

who's here

i did dummy over here

the name's francis

oh i'm not hearing this it can't be

you're a pig and pigs don't talk

i wouldn't bet on it buster your old

lady's a pig and all she ever does is

talk

mom

[Music]

my

you better come here

oh what's the matter for crying out

loud just spoke to me mom

ah shut up and listen i give us a plan

where we can make us all a lot of fast

though

now listen

we go to new york see i got a friend who

works at the post office

[Music]

oh

your sex man that's what's the matter

with you gonna have to go to jail to get

some privacy

i love new york what a town

open up hey we're having an orgy

hamscray

you know you're not allowed to have a

pig in here

oh that's

get francis of that pig

you understand

they're gonna walk putts or i'll crania

what did you just say

i didn't say that

that was francis

he can talk

he can talk kenny

you

get rid of the pig are you check out

amy

you're one ugly son of a [ __ ] you know

that your mother sucks [ __ ] in hell oh

now wait just a minute

that was the pig

you see he's going to make us all rich

he can talk

say something for the man francis go

ahead now

talk to the man

i

am going to ignore that last remark

and kind of you're a crazy old man

but i don't wanna hear another word

you get me

not a peep

yes sir

tommy bag city queen

that does it

i am no gummy

you got a great hook there lefty

well thank you i was in the golden glo

well folks

that's all the film we have to show you

now

you'll have to pay your 50 cents if you

want to see the rest

isn't that right mom who gives a rat's

ass anyway get off the table red for

god's sakes

i told you to ask for a percentage of

this film but oh no not you

you said ma

nobody's going to see this motion

picture nobody wants to see two old

geezers make fools out of themselves now

a lot of people do

oh we ain't got the ranger was born with

lose your balls that weren't attached

y'all visit us again real

soon yeah

i'd love to see you

[Music]

folks folks

[Music]

do

[Music]

do

[Applause]

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

ladies and gentlemen

i i i have to make a uh a disturbing

announcement concerning this afternoon's

performance

you see uh pavlova pavlova prima

ballerina is uh get rid of the bus she's

sick

very sick

and uh so come on

there will be no performance

of the scuffed shoes tonight

ladies and gentlemen ladies and

gentlemen please you must you must

understand that situation

hey listen

[Music]

i don't know how to tell you this but

she's she's been taken with a serious

case of

[Music]

now look at dead the girl is dead

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

can anybody stop these things

my feet's just killing me

he didn't know a tortilla from shinoba

but he danced and he danced and he

danced

until he was shot the following morning

[Applause]

[Music]

yeah i'm a war correspondent

name's piles

ernie pyles

a lot of human stories came out of world

war ii

these guys

well

each one of them's got his own story to

tell

oh you've got watermarks on those

who's kidding who hell i'm no good to

anyone with these utensils i can't

finish half the meal i had to choose

between a fork and a spoon i can't eat

spaghetti i can't have soup could

complain and you think you got it bad

what about me

three years in hell

lay your life down for your country and

what does it get you

goddamn plate in your head

yeah

all these guys came back to tell their

stories

but

there were thousands upon thousands of

gi's chirenes and swabbies who

just never came back

so it's up to guys like me to tell it

for him

and this is my tribute to those brave

american kids who fought and died to

make this country the land of the free

and the home of the brave

[Music]

[Applause]

no [ __ ]

if you ask any gi who survived the most

important thing you learned in basic

training

he'll tell you grab all the sack time

you can

those five brave boys shared this

barracks

now they share a foxhole in hell

but for a while there

this was home

wasn't always as quiet though

this was

private snitz bunk

this

well this was his locker

oh darling dwayne

i miss you so much

it is hot here and i find myself

throbbing all over when i think of you

i took a walk last night

past the tree where you carved our

initials and i

started to pulsate just thinking about

the night we spent in your car under

that tree just before you headed back to

camp

i strolled over to the library and sat

on the big old cannon just straddling my

legs in the town square and it reminded

me

of the first time we made love i miss

you dwayne

i must have you again soon or i shall go

mad

i don't suppose you have much time to

think about me but when you do always

remember i love you

and i'll do anything you want me to

just to make you happy

[Music]

don't fail me now honey don't get out

there there's a minefield you'll never

make it

how you doing lenny

i think i've been hit sarge

oh

uh hi

back already

uh

uh

well uh

off uh

offshore a uh submarine crew uh

nervously

awaits our commandos

so

[Music]

um

just a run in the sun

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

the only good indian as a dead indian

now get back that samurai

no no no no no no no no do not kill them

to my people

the cowboy is sacred

the cow and the cowboy they are sacred

you must not kill him

ours sacred

cowboy

[Music]

perhaps you didn't understand

we must see what this is

[Music]

what are you hat on

she's a maybe a bounty hunter when none

you want them to know you got a price on

your head

[Music]

so

how long have you been with don corleone

two years before that it was done to

meet you for six years

don rickles for three

hey you

silent stranger

i'ma come to get you

oh boy you're gonna be one dead man

show yourself

show yourself

[Music]

but it is

what you have in your hand there

stranger you make me so mad

pidgey

this is going to hurt you a lot more

than it does me

i kill him the son of a [ __ ]

my feet

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

hey baby would you

can you find out where we at

no

[ __ ]

[Music]

ow

baby we didn't cut loose on the juice

it's on empty

[Music]

a musician and his girl lost in the

southern backwood out of gas and a long

way from home

um

[Music]

[Music]

out of there folks

it's kind of a strange place to be

practicing your drums

[Music]

son what'd you say your name was

look i didn't say

but it's elijah abdul jamal mohammed

what a pretty name

elijah

you must be boobies

how did you know my name

[Music]

is

yeah this will make you feel better

come on

take it

good [ __ ]

come on

homegrown

cedar columbia

there's some coke there in the glove

compartment if you want a couple of

snorts

[Music]

you know

what the oldest living animal supposed

to be is the lake sturgeon you believe

that

you believe that lake sturgeon

152

152 years i always thought it was a

turtle

[Music]

why don't you take cabin number nine at

the end

come on

a strange night a strange time a strange

town

and a very strange sheriff cannot put my

finger on

why are they so nice to us i don't know

i don't know and you'll stop picking on

me

out of there folks my name is delma

parked your van out there and brought

you some food here today but you might

want to chow down we got some hot

chicken looks like some potatoes and

some cold slaw and

well you sure are pretty lady you know

that

whatever tell you that before

like a little bunny rabbit sitting there

on the edge of the bed all fluffy and

white like that

pink parts aren't bad either

may i help you

thank you

what color in your eyes you're so pretty

now just a minute you dumb [ __ ] kicker

what you call me fella

[Music]

[ __ ] kickoff

[ __ ] kicker

you just call me [ __ ] kicker

huh did you call me [ __ ] kicker

[ __ ]

would that be like uh like kicking [ __ ]

you know [ __ ] kick [ __ ] kicker

women

i'm a [ __ ] kicker

[Laughter]

i bet that's why we got these pointed

boots you know the toes like that you

can kick [ __ ] in the corners

that's good i love that

honestly y'all have a good time that's

your mom wait up over there you'll [ __ ]

kicker

how much more could two people take

terrified hungry tired sleepy but they

dare not drop their guard

something must be wrong

why else were these people so nice so

kind to them

oh baby

how you doing this morning

[Music]

someday you may find yourself in some

small town where everyone is ever so

nice to you welcome to bacon county

welcome back okay

bye

previews from that's exploitation

with all the biggest stars and the other

star

and scenes from the happy hooker goes

down on washington

[Music]

2069 a space orgy

the spy who bit me

and all the president's girls

coming soon that's sexploitation

the n-t-r-a-l-centro

yes they're back those three

all-american boys who rah-rah their way

into your hearts in the pom-pom boys and

have they ever got problems

boy you sure look great hey how's the

team feeling about the big girls

basketball game coming up with hamilton

high

a very good one

oh betty's got bd and without her i just

don't see how we're going to stand a

chance against her big center zelda yeah

she scored 27 even with betty playing

last year i'm aware of that gee i wish

there was some way we guys could help

maybe there is one

maybe there is

well what is it ann for god's sake tell

me tease well it has been rumored

that the only thing big zelda loves to

do more than stuff a ball and a hoop

is to stuff something else somewhere

else

you mean a little sex

that's it you know sex

i mean if you boys could manage to tire

big zelda out tonight maybe she wouldn't

be so formidable tomorrow i don't know

and i'll have to talk to the guys

i'll call you later

thanks warren and remember

it's for the whole school and especially

me

i'll see you i'll call you later

all season long they had rooted their

team home could they get it up for one

more game well i vote we do it

i mean after all it is the game of the

season we owe it to the girls

uh okay count me

in this game

last year

each gave his all for the team and then

gave it again and then again

and then again

hey get here i want oh you get in here

[Music]

got the car

[Music]

were they successful find out soon when

the pom-pom boys returns to a theater

near you

so

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

confused billy seeks guidance from the

wisdom of the ancients he returns to his

power place for a rendezvous with the

spirits

[Music]

thanks mister you just saved us from the

wicked [ __ ] of the north by southwest

you mean witch this witch was a real

[ __ ] come on

when in ours

hell with it

howdy

say can you tell us how to get to

emerald city

emerald city oh shucks you don't want to

go to emerald city oh well i mean it

used to be a nice place to go back 30 40

years ago maybe but not now hell no they

got people living there five to a half

they got smug like you wouldn't believe

and whatever you do don't drink the

water

no [ __ ] oh [ __ ] oh oh hey would you two

fellers maybe uh give me a hand here

he's well hung isn't he

that's it that's it good

[Music]

oil can oil can

[Music]

boy i feel a lot better now

i'm stuffed

well thanks billy and thank you shorty

shorty

did i just hear you call that [ __ ]

shorty when i hear somebody call a

friend of mine shorty or pygmy or shrimp

or half pine or

billy or or tiny or or teeny tiny

anyway

when i hear words like that

words filled with hate and wreaking with

the total lack of respect for the simple

basic god-given innate dignity of

mankind well i

oh sure he's sure yeah he little evil

yeah he's he's even teeny tiny maybe

but when i see injustice perpetrated

when i see such a total lack of regard

for even these silly insignificant

little

twerks when i go [ __ ] ready

[Music]

and now this theater is proud to present

the first all talking

all singing

all brown

musical short

dark town

after dark

hmm

[Music]

hmm

[Music]

um

[Music]

hey calvin i want you to pass these

around to the guys a little something i

wrote up one way over here

well i woke up this afternoon and i felt

that everything was pretty much

[Music]

that's good

and i made love to my baby

in my usual

way

that's even better

i tried to put on my shoes they were too

tight they would not feed

[Music]

then i went to use the convenience and

almost froze my

toes

[Music]

[Music]

now i'm returning my nobel peace prize

all my oscars

surprise

some folks look at my medals with greed

i just laugh at them all and say all i

really need

[Music]

[ __ ]

[Music]

and i don't care if i sit in the front

or the back

you can keep your daughter unless she's

real young

cause those rumors are true and i'm

really hung on what

boys

tight [ __ ] and shoes and a long place

to [ __ ]

[ __ ] blue shoes and a warm blazing [ __ ]

tight [ __ ] new

of [ __ ] that's it

that's it

[Music]

now you won't find me in a watermelon

patch

out with the boys digging up some

scratch just to buy some muggles or

maybe some hash

and i'm not usually invited to a

republican bash

unless they got

you know night [ __ ] loose shoes and a

warm place of [ __ ]

[ __ ] little shoes

[Music]

that's it

[Music]

so

and a warm place to shave

[Music]

that's dark town after dark

[Music]

so

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

coming attractions we've got so much

action so save

your money save your time

it ain't a sneak preview you don't have

to stand in line

[Music]

we got romantic stories we got epic

glories with guys and girls who do it

all night

it's going to drive and moving turn on

your legs

[Music]

well if we miss you there'll be a

comment too

all right

[Music]

if it's a comedy

if it's a tragedy

we took out a lie

all right

left in a joke

took out the plot

all right

[Music]

coming attractions we got so much action

so save your

[Music]

[Applause]

boys

[Music]

you