All language subtitles for Cavendish.S01E08.It s.An.Andyful.Life.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-playWEB_track3_[eng]

Happy birthday, Andy.
Go on, make a wish.

I wish to write the
great Canadian novel

by the time I'm 35.

And you will, but
don't say it out loud,

or it might not come true.

Where's your mother?

Andrea! The boy's just about
to blow out his candles!

Rollie!

- You all right?
- It's time!

It's happening, is it?

OK, uh, I'm coming!

I can't believe it! I'm
gonna have a new son!

Wait, Daddy! What about my
party, and opening my presents?

Andy, you are just about
to get a new baby brother.

Can't ask for a better
present than that.

Dear Lord!

For the new baby boy.

* Di da di da di da,
di da di da di da *

And for the record...

Whoa, what was it, 15?
That's it.

- Dear God, Dad!
- Yeah.

Ah!

You guys ate
breakfast without me?

I knew I was
forgetting something.

Go and have a seat, Andy.
It's your brother's birthday.

Da-da-da-da! Finally,
my boyhood is behind me.

Yeah, well, you're
still a boy in my book.

I mean, you do cry while
you're having your hair cut.

Well, they cut too much.
It's not what I asked for.

It's never what I asked for.

Are we forgetting anything?

- Um...
- Uh...

Well, family
gathering, pancakes.

Uh, Mark's birthday's
stocking's up. I don't think so.

It's my birthday too.

Oh?

It's my birthday too.

Mark and I were born
on the same day.

No!

Wait, are you sure?

'Cause you seem more like a
winter birthday boy to me.

I think I know when
my birthday is, Dad.

I just think this is terrific.

Andy, would you like
some birthday pancakes?

They're chocolate chip.

I'm allergic to chocolate.

- Really?
- What?

Like you're some kind of dog.

That's OK. I'll just take
out the chocolate pieces.

It'll look like a hungry
little mouse got at it.

There you go. Problem solved.

Right. We got to
party to crack on with.

Obviously, it was
designed just for Mark,

but now it can be
for the both of you.

So that's all right, isn't it?

Yeah, I guess.

There's that joyless
submission to fate

we've all grown to
love and cherish.

Good lad. Right, come on.

15 pancakes.

Yeah, that was a lot.

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

- Oh my goodness!
- See? It's a surprise party.

How long have you guys
been waiting out here?

'Cause we just had,
like, a full breakfast.

A very long time.

You see, uh,

I missed so many of
your birthdays when you were growing up,

I just wanted to make
up for some lost time.

Go and have a seat.

Hey, ladies and gentlemen, if
I could have your attention.

If you could all
take a seat, please.

Thank you for being here today
to celebrate Mark's birthday.

Oh, and as some of us have
recently discovered, Andy's.

Now, the one thing that
these two boys had in common

when they were kids
was a love of magic.

Isn't that true?

Actually, yes. Yes, it was.

And so, with that in mind,

I have hired a local
magician to astound us all.

Please welcome Quantum
the Unyielding.

Thank you! Thank you!

Hello, friends.

I am Quantum the Unyielding,

formally Quantum
the Spectacular,

but recently changed due to
the darkest spell of them all,

copyright infringement.

That's a good joke.

Look at our two birthday boys
surrounded by their friends.

You know, they say friendship
is the most valuable thing.

But I think it's actually

gold.

Oh my goodness!

Magic is real.

You know, if you
clean behind your ears,

you could get rich.

I will keep that in mind.

Your ears also look a bit dirty,

but it's not gold back there.

Hang on.

What?

How did that get back there?

Oh my goodness. Andy!

You were probably saving
it for later.

Aren't you a kids' magician?

Oh yes, I should
clarify that I did select

the, uh, Quantum Adult option.

I think we're seeing
what that means.

You're goddamn right.

For my next trick, a
classic with a deck of cards.

Please, sir, select a card.

Mm. There we go.

Memorize it. Show it
to the gathered throng.

Replace it in the deck.

I shall shuffle the cards,
place them here on this table,

and with but a snap...

Sir, check inside
your jacket pocket

and reveal the chosen card.

Oh, Mike!

- How did that get in there?
- It's another dildo!

Yeah. This isn't
mine, this isn't mine.

No judgment, sir. Nobody's
kink-shaming anybody.

To each his own.
Right, everyone?

- To each his own.
- It's not my kink, though.

I mean, it's not...

- I mean, it's fine if it's-
- Now, for my final,

most spectacular effect,

I will reveal that,
at this very moment,

this man has hidden
about his person

an unfathomable
number of dildos.

OK, I'm done. I'm good.

- Excuse me, excuse me.
- Oh, come on, Andy!

It's funny. Where are you going?

- For a walk.
- Oh, Andy, come on, man!

Don't do that!

Oh my goodness, would
you look at this?

There's a dildo right on his
chair, where he was sitting!

How did you do that?

Magic, dear friends, magic.

What a triumph!

You look like a fellow
with a lot on his mind.

Oh, I didn't see you there.

Yeah, it happens sometimes.
Gotta work on my signage.

So what's wrong, friend?

You've got a face longer
than an Austrian crescent.

That's a type of potato.

It's my birthday today.

Oh, happy birthday.

Thank you, thank
you. Actually, no one really remembered.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Just once, I'd like to be
the center of attention.

In the good way, you
know, not the bad way.

Right, right. Well,
what's the bad way?

I don't know, people
pointing at me, laughing at me.

- Laughing at you, sure.
- Pulling dildos from my ear.

Yeah, all right, is that...

- OK.
- Yeah, yeah.

Well, listen, man, if, uh,

if you wanna talk,
I'm here for ya.

But looks like someone else
might wanna have a chat too.

What up, what up!

Hey, man. You took off.

What are you doing?
Buying some potatoes?

What are you doing here?

I brought you some cake.

Is that chocolate?

Yeah. Why?

Oh, right. You don't
like chocolate.

- I'm allergic!
- You're allergic.

You're allergic, that's right.

Hey, check out my new
shirt. Dad got it for me.

Also, the scooter.

I'm already learning
how to do tail whips.

You wanna try it out?

I don't care about
your stupid scooter.

Just leave me alone, OK?

OK, methinks we're
talking about more

than just the scooter here.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.
Uh, I don't know.

You don't get it,
up until I was four,

my birthday was just about
me, and then you come along,

and all of the
sudden I have to play

second fiddle to Markieboy,
and I am tired of it!

- That's not fair.
- No! I am tired of it, Mark.

I mean, maybe if I hadn't
been shat on for 30 years,

I could've amounted
to something.

Maybe you could've
been a contender.

- Yeah.
- You know what the truth is?

The truth is, my life
would've been better

if you'd never been born.

What did you just say to me?

I said I wish you
were never born!

Wow. OK.

Well, someone just talked
his way out of the cake.

Ah, who am I kidding?
You can have the cake.

I'm allergic to the cake!

- Thanks, Andy. Really nice.
- No!

Well, it's all right, son.

Take it easy. Take it easy.

Dad?

How did I get
here? Where's Mark?

It's good to see you
awake, Mr. Tennesen.

How are you feeling?

Where's my brother?
Where's Mark?

Andy, you haven't
got a brother.

What's a "Mark"?

All right, if this
is some practical joke,

and Mark and the magician

are gonna jump out with some
dildos, please just tell me.

Andy, who are
you talking about?

Mark! You know, Mark.

Everybody loves him.
He doesn't have a job.

He just kinda
floats through life.

Andrew, please, would you
listen to what you're saying?

How would this Mark
even sustain a living?

What's more likely is
you really hit your head

hard in that accident and
you're confused, all right?

Now, fortunately, I have
the cure right here.

A loving father.

Plus some pills,
which I'll prescribe.

I'm glad you're
all right. I'll see you soon.

Hey. You got me
worried.

Oh, pardon me.

How are we
feeling here, hmm? Better?

Oh, I'm fine, I just...

You're that potato salesman.

Hey.

What's going on here?

Well, you made a
wish, Andy. Remember?

A wish? When
did I make a wish?

You wished that Mark
had never been born.

And here we are, in
a Mark-free world.

Literally. The name
Mark doesn't even exist.

You know who invented
Facebook in this world?

No.

Huey Zuckerberg.

- Huey?
- And he looks the exact same.

He still looks, like,
kind of like a deer

that wants to take your soul.

You know, with his
eyes way over here.

I don't understand.
Wishes don't come true.

Oh, they do on your birthday.

No, they don't.

Nah, they don't. I'm
just messing with you.

- Yeah.
- I'm an angel.

You're an angel?

And I am here to show you
what life would've been like

had your brother
never been born.

So let's just pop
those slippies on

and go on a little adventure.

But I should warn you, Andy,
you may not like what you see.

Hold on a sec. So God is real?

Oh, uh...

Yeah, we're not gonna, we're
not gonna get into all of that.

Let's just say
that I'm an angel,

and we will leave
it at that, OK?

- OK.
- Cool?

- Yeah.
- Here we go!

Is this my home?

Sure is.

This is literally out of my
dreams. This is my dream home.

Yeah, well, you designed it.

But look closer and
you- you may start

to see cracks in
this perfect facade.

What are these?

Hmm?

Are these literary awards?

Oh, yeah.

Oh my god, is this a Coastie,

the award for the
best Canadian novel

from the east or west
coast, but not the middle?

Uh, sure, man. I don't know.

Is that a real thing?

Yeah, I guess that
seems to be what it is.

That must mean I'm
a published author.

"The Husks of Harvests
Past" by Andrew C. Tennesen.

I did it. I actually
published a novel.

What a title!

Yeah, yeah, you wrote
a best-selling novel,

and yes, it's being
optioned for a movie.

Directed by Tobey Maguire? I
didn't even know he directed.

Yeah, in this reality,

he got into directing
instead of acting.

Something about Mark being
born and the butterfly effect.

Hold on a second.
Molly and I are married?

Yes, and that's actually
a great place to start,

because where is she?

You know, why didn't she visit
you at the hospital, hmm?

Trouble in paradise, that's why.

And notice anything missing
here, in this little photo, hmm?

No Mark?

No

Mark.

Just to reiterate,
in this reality,

your dear brother
Mark does not exist.

This probably seems
cool, right, all of this?

Yes, it does.

Well, think again.

I'll show you how uncool it is

by taking you to your party.

- What party?
- Your first birthday party

without your brother.

Yes, my friend.

Yes, I'm referring to
a party

without Mark.

, dude, I was
supposed to do, like, a...

- One sec.
- OK.

What the hell did I do there?

I'm trying to do,
like, a magic thing.

Without Mark!

Goddammit. One
second, one second.

What did I do wrong?

- Uh, uh, uh.
- OK.

Angel power. All right.

All right.

Is it the turn? Are you
turning the right way?

Tick, tick.

A party...

I feel good about this one.

Without Mark.

Wow! Magic!

OK. Enjoy your party, Andy!

Hey, can I get a drink?

Not a waiter. Not a waiter.

Andy! How's my
favorite client?

Hey, Ruth. Client?

Good one!

But seriously, if I find out
you're looking at other agents,

I will sue you for
all you're worth.

This is a great
party, by the way.

Hey, did you know
that the mayor's here?

Travis?

Butterfly effect.
* Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday to you

* Happy birthday, dear

To the best damn
writer in history.

Eat your heart out, Clark Twain.

* Happy birthday to you

Ladies and gentlemen,
ladies and gentlemen,

I should like to propose a
toast to my one and only son.

There comes a time in
every parent's life

when their child must pull away

and focus on his own
life and his own career.

It can be humbling, it can be
very sad, or so I've heard,

because Andy and I
have never been closer.

You are my best friend.
I love you, son.

And to quote a great author,

"As the husks dry and the seeds
are scattered by the wind,

another harvest gives
way to the winter.

But take comfort, friends,
for spring is coming."

"The turning
of the Earth is all."

To Andy!

Did I write that?
That's beautiful!

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

we have a rather large
carrot cake here.

The best cake in the world.
Much better than chocolate.

Hey, birthday boy.

Let's get the party started,
if you know what I mean.

* Party rock is in
the house tonight *

* Everybody, just
have a good time *

* And we're gonna make
you lose your mind *

* Everybody, just have
a good, good, good *

There you are.

Oh, gee! Oh, God!

Hey there, Andy.
How's it going?

You looking for someone else?

Yeah, I was just coming
out to see this woman that I-

Oh, yeah, yeah. The woman
who, uh, isn't your wife?

It's not like I was
gonna hook up with her.

Oh, come on! Yes, you were!

I'm an angel. I know
what you were gonna do.

So how's the party going,
hmm? Having a good time, Andy?

Honestly, it is, like,
the best night of my life.

- Oh, it is?
- It's incredible!

Yeah? What's been your
favorite part so far?

Is it almost cheating
on your wife?

Or maybe hanging out with
all those fake friends

who only like you for
your fame and your money?

OK, sure, fine, maybe
it's not the best behavior,

but did you see my other life?

I mean, that's a requirement-

Man, listen to yourself!

You wished your brother
out of existence.

All right, fine! It's
not like I killed him, OK?

It's just, he never existed.

I mean, you could argue that
this is just an extension

of Kant's categorical
imperative, you know what I mean?

Like, if you actually
think about it-

Shut the up!

- What?
- Shut up!

Shut your
mouth right now.

An angel can swear?
You're an angel!

An angel can do whatever
the he wants, always!

I could kick a dick across
the moon, man. I'm an angel.

- Fine, you can swear, OK?
- I do whatever I want!

- Congrats.
- And what I want

is to teach you a lesson

about how much you love
your brother deep down.

And somehow, with all my
power, I haven't managed

to get that through your
thick, thick skull, pig.

So too bad, so sad.
We're going back.

- No!
- Man, TBH,

I haven't had a lesson go
this south on me since Dahmer.

You give a guy one
taste of human flesh

just to show him
how bad it is...

I am not going back, OK?

Why would I let you stay here?

The do coke and have sex
with everything that...

You're choking.

Angels can choke.

Oh.

OK.

OK, technically, I didn't
kill him. I just let him die.

- Mr. Tennesen.
- It was an accident!

It was an accident!

Happy birthday!

Hope I'm not too
late for the party?

You're here for the party?

Yeah. Oh!

Oh, sorry about the cherries.

I mean, they just help
me get places fast.

- Come on in.
- All right, all right.

Hold on a minute.

I didn't get you
your birthday gift.

Ha! You hold right there.

I'll turn these cherries
off, get them out your face.

Ho ho ho!

Ah.

It's a shovel.

Yeah.

I mean, now, you never
know when something like this

is gonna come in handy, right?

It's perfect.

I keep one in my
trunk all the time.

Looks to me like you
got yourself a big trunk right there,

so why don't you just put it-

That's all right.

- We could just put it-
- Please.

Why don't we just put it in?

You know what? I'll- I'll-
I'll just- I'll just put it in.

It's OK.

That's a dead
body in your trunk.

It's not real.

What the hell is that-

I'm sorry. I couldn't come
up with a plausible excuse.

Oh god! I'm sorry!

Hey, buddy, what's up?

Ruth, Ruth, you gotta help me!

The police are after me and
there's a dead body in my trunk.

OK, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Here's what you need to do.
Hang up and delete my number.

- See ya!
- Hello? Ruth?

Dammit! Oh my god!

I wish I'd never jumped in
front of that stupid car.

That's it. The car!

I wish I was back home!

Angel?

No. You're under arrest
for murder, Andrew Tennesen.

Say goodbye to
your perfect life.

What? No, no, no, no!

It wasn't me, it was an angel.

None of this is real!

OK, son, just keep going.

Take it easy out
there, Mr. Tennesen.

And happy birthday.

This is where
it all went wrong.

I never should've
made that stupid wish.

So you finally learned
your lesson, huh?

Only took you 15 years.

- You!
- Yeah, hey, man.

But I- I watched you die.

Well, angels
can't die, you know?

Certainly not from
choking on cake.

I could breathe
cake if I wanted to.

Don't want to, but could.

Guess your life with Mark
seems pretty cool now, huh?

You know, I tried to teach
you all of this in a day,

but I guess some people need
15 years behind bars before-

I'm gonna kill you!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, there he is.

Andy's back in the room.

Ah!

Dad?

Ruth?

- Bryn.
- Bryn, Bryn.

I'm young again. I'm
young again!

Yeah, well,
I wouldn't say young.

Mark! Oh, it's you!

I am so, so sorry for all those

terrible things I said to you.

Get your hands off of me, man.

Oh, it's a miracle!

Yeah, it's a miracle
your brother didn't die

when you pushed him
in front of that car.

Yeah, but then I pushed him
out of the way of the car.

Not that that makes me a hero.

It doesn't. No one said that.

The important thing is you
didn't kill your brother,

even though you sorta tried.

I'm sorry. I really am sorry.

You stay here
and think about it.

Meanwhile, let's take Markie
for some lovely ice cream.

OK. I earned it by being good.

Mark, Mark, Mark!

What?

I really am sorry.

Are you?

Yeah.

All right. Bring it in.

Oh! What the hell was that
doing back there?

OK. Let's go get that ice cream.

Yeah, all right.

See you later, Andy!

Have fun.

What flavor
you getting, Bryn?

Plain.

* You can make your life
a misery if you try *

* You can take a smile
and change it to a sigh *

* But why not throw
off that shroud *

* And then look
beyond the cloud *

* 'Cause there's an awful
lot of sunshine in the sky *

* Di da di da di da,
di da di da di da *

* Yes, there's an
awful lot of sunshine *

* In the sky