Original subtitles

Okay, does your person talk

too much about his tax dollars?

What?

Aren't you supposed to ask

if they have a mustache or something?

Mustaches come and go,

I'm trying to get at their soul, Andy,

like would he say things like,

"My tax dollars paid for that?

Oh, that's where my tax dollars are going?"

You know what I mean?

How am I supposed to?

Actually, yes.

Wow, yes, he would.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I can hear him saying it.

I am narrowing in, I know it's a man of at least 50.

All righty, I think we're all set for clothes.

What else do we need, teapot?

They'll have a teapot, won't they?

Ah, you all packed and ready to go?

Is this your first vacation together?

Oh, no, no, no, we went to Halifax once

to see the Tall Ships Festival.

That was actually very fun.

You know, you think about ships being very long,

but actually some are quite tall.

Yeah, but these were too tall.

But anyway, this is a different thing.

This is, technically speaking, a wellness retreat.

Doctor's orders.

We're going for vitamin D, plus some vitamin F.

F standing in this case for fun!

Yes, very good, that's a good one.

Oh, I actually, Dad, I have an idea I wanna run by you

since I am going to be running the museum.

- I was hoping- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Slow down.

What makes you think you're looking after the museum?

Oh, I just assumed because I'm the eldest

and most responsible.

Well, I think you better think again

because this little chap here is gonna be in charge.

Me?

Why is Mark in charge? He's an idiot.

Okay, well, if I'm such an idiot,

then why have I been pre-approved for two credit cards?

I know what I'm gonna get from him, don't I?

He's gonna do the bare minimum,

and then when I get home,

he's gonna come up with a pathetic excuse.

He's predictable.

Yes, I am. Well said, Dad.

Whereas you, I'm not even out the door,

you've already had an idea.

I don't like ideas, Andrew.

Ideas are dangerous.

Shall we?

Yes.

Okay, have fun you two, you've earned it.

All right, I'm gonna finish you off right now.

Would your guy call his mom mother?

Yes.

I knew it.

You got Nick.

* Da di da di da

* Di da di da di da

Yeah, I mean, it's good, Brynn,

it's just a little bit, you know, anime.

It's manga, not anime.

Hey, whoa, cool, look at this.

Smiling boy, that must be me.

Angry bald man, that's Andy.

Right on, what's this for?

I'm having Brynn design a new poster for the museum.

Okay, so remember how less than two hours ago

Dad put me in charge because he knew

you'd freak out and overdo it?

I've gonna change things up here.

I got a bunch of ideas.

I mean, obviously that poster was a misstep, but-

Wow, okay.

Why would you waste your time worrying about this?

Let's go outside, have fun.

Go on a brother adventure, eh?

What the hell's a brother adventure?

It's brothers on an adventure!

We go out there, we meet some people, have some fun,

not sit around here dwelling on how to fix up this museum

'cause dad's just gonna run it how he wants anyway.

Dad runs a museum in a way that nobody wants to come in.

Oh.

Sorry.

Are you open?

Yes, we are.

Welcome to the Museum of the Strange and Fantastic.

Please have a look around.

I could offer you a small tour if you'd like.

Here we have some dinosaur eggs, more or less.

Here we have a little skull.

Here's a conch shell.

You know, a lot of people mispronounce that, but it's conch.

I think that's a spine.

Oh, there's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life,

if you're in the market for true nightmares.

Mom! It bit me!

Oh, okay, well, I see your daughter

has met our famous caged squirrel.

We're leaving.

Well, thank you so much for coming, sorry about that.

Have a strange and fantastic day.

Have a strange and fantastic day. Nice one, Brynn.

Well, well, well, well, well, Andy,

I think you'll find that those were technically customers.

Okay, I am gonna make some changes around here.

What are you talking about? Where are you going?

Andy, I'm in charge here, don't...

All right, I gotta go after him.

Brynn, watch the place while I'm gone.

Roger that.

But don't kiss and hug this girl while I'm out, okay?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, you know what? It's your life.

Live your life. I don't care.

Andy!

Andy, what are we doing here, man?

What is this place?

It's Cavendish Flea Market.

It's where I was gonna sell all Dad's stuff when he dies.

Jesus.

We can find some pretty cool things in here.

No, let's not do this.

Let's go have fun, come on.

But this is fun.

This is like that brother thing we were talking about.

A brother adventure?

Yes, a brother adventure.

Oh, is this a brother adventure?

Come on, me coming up with a new exhibit.

You help me out.

Both of us scheming behind Dad's back.

I do like to scheme.

You like to scheme.

- Okay. - All right.

What are we looking for?

What's like, what do we, what's the thing?

Basically, I'm looking for something

that's family-friendly.

I make health food myself, you know, the products...

- Oh my God, that's Molly. - Where?

- Oh, hey Molly. - Don't, wait.

- Mark and Andy. - Don't talk to her.

Come on.

Hey, how's it going?

Mark, Andy. Not sure if you remember us.

Andy had a crush on you in third grade

and then I think the last time

we saw each other was when Andy-

Stabbed my son.

That's it. That was it.

Hey, Jacob.

How you holding up, little buddy?

Holy. Wow, okay.

Picture's worth 1,000 words there, huh?

Yeah.

So, what are you selling here?

It's an organic health smoothie

made from the products in my garden.

Oh, sweet, sweet.

We're hoping to get it on grocery store shelves soon.

Do you mind if I try a sample?

That's why they're there.

All right, there we go.

That's actually really good.

- Is that good? - Yeah. What's in it?

It's an organic health smoothie

made from the products in my garden.

You already said that, yeah.

I don't think there's any need

to be more specific than that.

Well, I think we would love to take a bunch of these.

How many would say I am so, so sorry for stabbing your son?

Well, now we know how much it costs to stab a little boy.

Just find an exhibit, please.

Wait, wait, wait, what about these?

These look good.

Look like they're in pretty rough shape.

No way, oh.

This one looks amazing.

Oh my God.

Can I help you?

She's a lady. She's not wax, she's a lady.

Thank you, now, are we looking for anything specific?

No, I don't think so.

Just sort of browsing.

Did you make all these yourself?

No, my husband, he collected them one year

until his death.

Think I found something.

Fred Penner.

Oh, yeah, look at that, it's Fred Penner.

I never knew what that was.

Who did you say that is?

Oh, it's Fred Penner.

He had a kid show on CBC

Sang "The Cat Came Back," if you know that one.

Recently was awarded the Order of Canada.

Boy, how do I know so much about Fred Penner?

Maybe because he inspired

an entire generation of Canadians.

Honestly, he was more of a father to me than Dad was.

He got wholesome life lessons.

He was fun.

And he was a pretty snappy dresser.

You know what?

We'll take it.

* You've got to be proud

* Of the people around you

* Proud of the things that you do *

* Proud of your dreams and feelings inside and never *

Andy, what the hell is this, man?

Morning, Mark, what do you think?

I think Dad is gonna be furious

'cause this is a whole different place.

Exactly.

It's a place where families can have fun and learn,

and it centers around a great Canadian icon.

He means Fred Penner, the statue.

Yeah, sort of pieced that together on my own,

but thank you, Brynn.

Andy, where is Dad's stuff?

Where's the sarcophagus?

Where's the squirrel?

The stuff's in storage.

And as for the squirrel, Brynn.

The squirrel is safe.

It's incredible, right?

Oh yeah, Brynn made up some new flyers.

Show him the flyers, Brynn.

"Come get a Fred-ucation."

All right, did you somehow

pull all of this off in one night?

It's like something's calling to me,

saying, "You gotta finish this.

Finish this exhibit."

And the Fred tribute, that's just the beginning.

I'm gonna redo this entire floor.

Yeah, interactive exhibits, family fun.

Welcome to The Fun Zone, Mark!

The Fun Zone.

That's what I'm gonna call it.

Hey, did you know that Velcro was invented in Canada?

I didn't know that.

- Fred-ucational. - Doesn't apply here, Brynn.

I'm also gonna get rid of that stupid UFO

and put in a ball pit.

Okay, well kids like UFOs, Andy,

if that's what you're after,

and you can't just fill a dirt hole

with balls and call it a ball pit.

Sure you can.

You get your balls, you got your pit.

- That's a ball pit. - That's not.

Fred-ertainment.

Holy hell, Brynn.

If it's not a Fred-related thing, you can't use a Fred pun.

Now, I know I'm mad at Andy

and I'm sort of taking it out on you,

but I gotta know that that's clear.

Don't listen to him, Brynn.

You gotta listen to the wise words of Fred Penner.

You gotta be proud of the people around you,

proud of the things you do,

proud of your dreams and feelings inside,

and never afraid to let them shine through, no.

Never afraid to make them come true.

Sure.

I understand that this exhibit

and Fred Penner mean a lot to you.

Exactly, great, just put these on,

we're gonna go hand out flyers.

No, man, I don't care, I don't even have my shoes.

We'll get some shoes on the way, let's go.

Stop pushing me, man.

Have Fred out there.

Come to the Museum of the Strange and Fantastic

and see our new exhibits, starring Fred Penner himself.

Just kidding, he's a statue.

Can you imagine if I had the actual Fred Penner

in the museum?

You'd be like, "Let him go."

I'd be like, "No, he's mine."

Hey, come on down

to the Museum of the Strange and Fantastic.

We've got a Fred Penner exhibit.

It's Fred-ucational.

This guy bothering you?

Ha ha! Just kidding.

Come to the museum.

Don't make me follow you home.

I will follow you home.

Not gonna follow you.

I'll follow you home if you don't come.

Drag it into the museum.

Not going to do that.

That's actually illegal to say stuff like that, man.

Take it easy.

It's the A to M's of business, Mark.

The A to M's of business?

- Yes. - What the hell is that?

Always be calling, dem, everyone's foregoing.

I just know that's museum.

That was impressive.

- Yeah. - That was weirdly impressive.

Yeah. I am locked in, man, I feel like a whole new person.

Right, I feel like I have a purpose

and that purpose is to make this exhibit great,

so let's head down to the pier.

I bet there's lots of great foot traffic.

No, no, no, no, no.

Right, we've been doing this for too long

and we're both a little bit tired,

so let's take a break, okay, buddy?

You'll take a break when I say you can take a break.

I don't know what the hell is going on with you today,

but you are acting insane.

It's called decisiveness, Mark.

All great captains have it.

- Captains? - Yes.

I wasn't sure what I was gonna do last night,

but then I stared into that statue's eyes

and five hours later I had it.

I'm sorry, you stared at that statue

for five hours last night?

- Yeah. - Five hours?

Five or six, yeah, sure.

Five or six hours.

No, no, we're taking a break, give me these.

You know what? Fine.

Take a break, Mark.

I can do this brother adventure on my own,

and like Fred Penner says, I'll do it my way.

Frank Sinatra song.

Fred did a cover!

* I gotta do

* Well, I'm sure

What can I get ya, hon?

Just a beer, please.

- Sure. - Thank you.

Oh, okay, thank you.

I recognize you, right?

You were at the posse that helped us hunt for the beast.

You had the pitch fork, didn't you?

Uh.

Oh, still got it.

I got her on the spectrum

for my cousin in Nova Scotia trade me for 600 denominators.

Pretty fine deal when you break it down.

Okay, cool.

Where's your brother at now?

My brother?

Oh, he's probably still handing out flyers

for a stupid museum exhibit.

Just obsessed with proving himself to my Dad,

you know what I mean?

Mm.

Just once, I wish I had a brother who knew

how to kick back and have fun for a change.

Every so often we can match there if you wanted.

We could kick around, give her a test rep, give it a shot.

Sorry, are you offering to be my brother?

Is that what you're offering?

You got something in your ears there, Mark?

No, okay, that's, yeah, I heard you clearly,

I guess, somehow.

Hell, yeah, I mean, it's a strange offer, but I'll take it.

- All right. - Let's be brothers for a day.

Sounds all right, huh?

Yeah, what do you want our first brother adventure to be?

Do a little cab hash oil, go down to the mile,

the pet shop, free 'me up, Jumanji in the food court.

Okay, well, let's start with beer,

and then sort of see where it goes from there.

One more beer from my brother, please.

Shake on it.

Chris says to me, "No, I never, I wouldn't have it."

They got names of Renaissance painters, so don't open it up.

I played a pig, you play the mother.

They're ninjas.

They cap it all out, turtles.

- Ah. - Come for it.

Ah, I see four of these little guys

come into my yard right there.

I didn't even know his name.

Next thing I know, my pants are gone.

Good buddy's scurrying around.

I set those little traps, those FBI traps,

and in the morning, all five, six, seven guys

come frees him up, scurrying down the street.

I said, "Come back, you got my pants.

The only pants I got left."

Yeah.

Yeah, they'll, all right.

That's why won't vote for him, never again.

Amen to most of that.

Can we get maybe another couple beers here?

You good? Ready for more?

Yeah, another couple of those, ah.

Oh, check that out.

Andy's stupid flyer.

What do I got left here.

Buddy, what you got here is a fine picture of The Cruel.

Are you talking about Fred Penner?

That's not Fred Penner.

That's Christopher The Cruel,

the most feared pirate in all of Cavendish history.

Legend has it, when he was being hanged for his crimes,

he vowed to return an exact revenge

on all future generations.

Where'd you get this image?

Well, it's a photo of a statue

that my brother's been staring at

for hours at a time while he slowly goes mad.

Do we think that's an issue?

Yes, we do.

That's the yes, we do look from both of ya.

All right, all right.

Okay, there it is.

Thanks again for doing this, Felix.

Oh, like a brother adventure,

watch the next fellow when you get down to Shamu.

Hell, yeah, buddy.

You grab that side, I'll grab this side.

- Oh, Jesus. - Go down.

Heavy as hell.

- What are you doing, Mark? - Oh my gosh.

Oh, Andy. What are you doing?

Oh, just some light swabbing.

You mean mopping?

Yeah.

Well, we were just gonna go clean this thing out back.

Felix has some good cleaning agents, so if you don't mind,

- we're just gonna- - Can't let you do that, Mark.

Geez. Andy, listen, man.

This isn't Fred Penner.

It's some evil pirate from the past who's name

I can't remember off the top of my head.

- The Cruel. - The Cruel.

It's The Cruel and he's...

Well, take a look, okay?

Down here, that's a normal leg, peg leg.

Peg leg, Andy.

I'm pretty sure Fred Penner didn't have a peg leg.

Not 100% sure, but pretty sure.

Let it go.

Okay, okay, buddy.

Listen, I'm just trying to help you, all right?

I'm not saying you're possessed by this statute,

but you are demonstrating a lot of possessed-like qualities.

Why don't you just play it safe and do the exhibit

without the statue?

You don't want me to succeed.

You want me to live below the decks,

but I have news for you.

I was born for so much more.

Don't do that, please.

Listen, Andy, I

want you to have everything you want,

but the way you're saying what you're saying

sounds so possessed.

Anyway, I'm getting rid of this thing, okay.

No, no, no, no, no.

Let go of this, buddy.

- Let go of it, let go. - Keep him safe.

- No, no. - Let go, Andy.

He's staying here, he's part of this-

Oh, come on, Andy, let me do this!

Whoa!

Felix?

He's dead.

Hold on, one sec, let me see.

I'm not actually sure.

How do you, where's the pulse, exactly?

Andy, we killed someone, man.

We gotta go to the police.

Not until we open the exhibit.

When it's successful, and Dad sees I'm right,

then we go to the police.

Are kidding me? Listen to yourself, Andy.

No matter how successful your exhibit is,

Dad will never admit you're right.

But he'll have to, Mark.

It will be undeniable.

Then I will be running the museum

and you will be the one digging the graves.

No one should be digging graves at a museum!

Hey guys, have you seen the rice cooker?

Uh, no.

Okay. I really need to make rice.

Why?

I like the way the squirrel eats it.

Okay, don't feed that squirrel rice, Brynn.

I'm gonna feed the squirrel.

Do you think she saw the body?

I don't know.

If she did, I don't think she cared.

We gotta hide it.

We could...

Where's the body?

What?

Where's the body, Mark?

Felix! You're alive!

What are you doing, man?

Felix!

Come back here!

Run, Felix, he'll kill you!

I just wanna talk to you, Felix.

* Now old Mr. Johnson had troubles of his own *

* He had a yellow cat who wouldn't leave his home *

* He tried and he tried to give the cat away *

* He gave it to a man going far, far away *

Get back here!

Oh, I'm going through the lob, eh?

* He came back the very next day *

* The cat came back

Oh!

Goodnight, you scarly dog!

Andy, wait!

Don't do this.

Drop the shovel, man, this isn't you, this is...

Goddammit, what's that pirate's name?

- The Cruel. - The Cruel.

It's Christopher The Cruel, Andy, it's not you.

You've always been delusional, but not like this.

Felix is an anchor weighing me down.

Look it, I'm mourning for my ship.

Wait, Andy!

What would Fred Penner say?

Oh, hi, Andy.

Hi, Fred.

Thanks for listening

and watching all these years.

You know, there's always been a common message

I've tried to share with you.

Take good care of each other.

I shouldn't murder this guy with my shovel?

What? No.

Okay.

Hey, Fred.

Did that cat ever come back?

The very next day.

Bye, Fred.

Bye.

Oh, Mark, I'm sorry, you're right.

Fred Penner would never do this.

I guess I let my obsession with impressing Dad

cloud my judgment.

Oh, what the hell, Felix!

He was having to change your heart.

Oh, there he is.

My sunshine boy, how you feeling?

My head hurts.

There's actually two reasons for that.

One is a stone to the noggin, courtesy of Felix over there.

And number two is, well, a lot of poison there, fellas.

Poison?

We ran some tests and discovered

that you consumed lethal levels of, well,

organic amphetamines, or as we like to call it,

nature's meth.

Molly's smoothies.

How many of those did you drink, man?

I don't know, half.

Half what? Half a crate?

Or 2/3, I mean, they were really good.

They are really good.

Oh, actually, you know what?

I should probably get outta here.

There's a game on my phone I wanna finish playing.

Good chat, guys.

Okay.

You know, I'm still not 100% convinced

it was just those health shakes,

unless nature's meth makes you talk like a pirate.

Pirate?

Nothing, I'll explain later.

Come on, let's get home.

I wanna get rid of that statue.

See you later, Felix.

Shoot my actual brother at Quamly back in time.

Find father and Lance's bottle clean up.

Are we allowed to leave this?

Yeah, yeah, you got your slippers.

We'll get your clothes on the way out.

- Okay. - Bye, buddy.

That'll be my rice.

* You can make your life a misery if you try *

* You can take a smile and change it to a sigh *

* But throw off that shroud

* And look beyond the cloud

* Because there's an awful load of sunshine in the sky *

* Da di da di da

* Di da di da di da

* Yes, there's an awful lot of sunshine in the sky *